Grayson Towler <grayson@rigroup.net> wrote:

One cut was all it would take.  A decisive moment, a slash of 
edged steel, and she would be done with the pain and the 
frustration.  It would be that easy to put an end to her 
suffering, to finally have some peace, if only she had the 
courage to do this one simple thing.  The knife was sharp 
and she was strong.  A single slice was all it would take.

All Akane had to do was cut the rope and let the rock fall.  

Heh. Nice fake!

The sun had almost set, and the boulder loomed like a great 
shadow overhead, swaying ever so slightly as it dangled from 
the trees.  She had never hated anything so fiercely in her 
entire life.  Every day for over three weeks she'd come here, 
smashing herself against this damnable stone again and again.  
Today she had repeated the ritual, once more with the same 
result.  It seemed as if she'd been crushed by this rock a 
thousand times, though in reality she knew exactly how many 
sessions she'd actually endured.  

How many was it?

She blinked up at him.  Normally it would have upset her 
that she hadn't noticed him enter, but she was well past 
the point of caring about such a trivial matter of pride.  
"Oh, hi Daddy.  I couldn't sleep."

hi, Daddy.

Ranma threw a couple of kicks at the lost boy, getting him 
to drop his guard towards his abdomen, then sprung up and 

sprang

"You ought to thank me," he asserted.  "You never coulda 
pulled that off without my Amaguriken training."

"Feh," Ryouga spat.  "You didn't teach me anything."

"What?" Ranma snapped.  "I showed you the training method, 
you numbskull!"

"You gave up trying to train us after the first night," 
Ryouga shot back.  "I was the one who stuck with it!"

Hey, it's not like Cologne actually taught the thing to Ranma, either.
All she did was demonstrate it.

Ranma had watched them training, but hadn't believed they 
were really getting anywhere.  Ryouga seemed to be going so 
easy on her, doing simple little speed exercises and playing 
impromptu dexterity games, always telling her how great she 
was doing even when she hadn't achieved anything special.  
For Ranma, encouragement had never been a matter of kind 
words or praise - it had always been a swift kick in the 
rear whenever he'd slacked off.  He'd always thought that 
a gentle martial arts trainer was about as useful as a 
sponge roof in a rainstorm.

This is a nice character bit. Considering that Ranma's learned primarily
from Genma and Cologne, it makes sense that he doesn't know much about
what makes good teaching.

"ALL RIGHT!" she shouted as she flung open the door.  "WHAT 
is the BIG IDEA HERE?"

Nabiki raised a cynical eyebrow.  Her father and Mr. Saotome 
vainly attempted to hide behind one another.  The guests 
pivoted to stare at her in astonishment.  

Both of them, she noted, were girls.  In fact, she recognized 
them both.

Akane let out a little embarrassed laugh.  "Heh... excuse me. 
Um... I... er... had the wrong room.  For that entrance.  
Let me try that again."

"I wanted an argument. This is abuse!"

"Natsumi!  Kurumi!" she said cheerfully.  "It's good to see 

Wasn't her name Natsume?

Soun looked mortified, and Kurumi shrunk away from the open 

shrank

"Why you come again to this place, sir?" he asked nervously.  
"What you want with accursed springs now?"

"Nothing terribly complicated," he said casually.  Then he 
told the portly man what he was looking for.

He wants to be dumped in the Spring of Drowned Person Whose Name Isn't
Pantyhose.

In truth, there really hadn't been much dissention in their 
small party since he began Ukyou's latest training.  

since he had begun


The high point of this story was the dedication and persistence with
which the various characters carried out their training. You might say
that the title of the story refers to them in addition to the monster.
You've shown the strengths of the characters in a way that's very
believable and consistent with what we already know about them.

The low point for me was the use of the "Jusenkyo Preservation Society."
I don't mind that much the mixing in of anime continuity -- Natsume and
Kurumi, for example, fill a needed role in your story; I'm not exactly a
fan of the characters, but your treatment of them is interesting so far.
But the JPS, frankly (and strictly IMO), is just a lame idea, and I
don't see anything in your treatment of it *so far* that suggests it'll
be any better in this story.

If the JPS exists, where were they during vol. 37-38 when Plum had to
run all the way to Japan for help? And if they're worried about Ranma
and company "abusing" their curses, why haven't they just given them the
CURES? Yes, Jusenkyo needs to defend itself (and its Guide) against
abuse, but it can do so much more subtly. If the spirit of the place
deemed Pantyhose a real threat, he could end up "accidentally" slipping
and falling into the Spring of Drowned White Mouse. "What are we going
to do today, Pantyhose?" ^_^ To me, having it guarded by these Keystone
Cops rather than its own nature kinda weakens the mystic-legendary
quality of the place.

Just my two yen on this. Overall, great chapter. When's the next one?
:-)