Requesting C&C for this chunk of my fic so far... and any other help
y'all can manage. I'll be indebted to you...
The characters from You're Under Arrest in this fiction are Kosuke
Fujishima's property. Um... I don't know much about writing
disclaimers... can anyone help me make a slightly better one?
[As of Yet, a Nameless Fic]
by JC
A small group of schoolchildren clustered around Nakajima, as he sat
down and cried with some of them.
"Don't cry Mr. Kenny!"
"Miyuki's gonna be all better. You'll see."
"Do you want my hanky?"
*sniff* "Wahhhh! Miyuki got a big boo boo!"
"Natsumi was being scary again."
"Why didn't you go with Miyuki to the hospital, Mr. Kenny?"
The ambulance pulled away from the curb, splashing the area with its
flashing lights. Miyuki's precious mini patrol car sat beside the curb,
the hatchback open and its mangled right door lying several meters down
the road.
"I'm pathetic," whimpered Nakajima. "I was too busy showing off. I
should have seen... it. I could have stopped it. I..."
The White Hawk of Bokuto broke down even further.
The kids gathered around and hugged him as several more patrol cars
pulled up.
---
A figure on a moto-compo buzzed up and over a hill as it attempted to
cut off a speeding Honda.
"This is Natsumi! Where the hell is my backup!"
Aoi squealed in an apologetic voice, "I'm sorry! Most of the patrols
are tied up at the [name a place]. There just too much traffic."
The tires on the mini bike gave off little chirping sounds as they
valiantly gripped the sidewalk as Natsumi made a tight turn around a
corner.
"Can't you get anyone out here? I'm gonna lose him!"
"The captain is on the way with helo support. Hold on Natsumi!"
Suddenly the road stopped curving. Natsumi went flying down another
hill as she caught a glimpse of the offending Honda.
"Grrrr... I want blood you little bastard! No one runs over my partner
and gets away with it!"
The road ahead of the car started to open up a bit. Natsumi felt her
chest tightening.
*Oh no. Once he gets on the open roads, I'll lose him!*
Fortunately, a truck started to pull out ahead of the Honda.
*Screeeeeeech*
The Honda made a 180 degree brake turn and skidded to a halt, close to
the
side of the truck.
"Hah hah! I've got you now, you little punk!"
Natsumi's shout of joy quickly dissolved into a confused screech, as the
car accelerated toward her.
"Oh crap! Ahhhhhhh!"
Natsumi swerved her minibike over to the side of the still cramped
street.
The back bumper of the car scraped Natsumi's arm back.
She was peeled off the bike almost instantaneously. Natsumi
instinctively tried to roll with the fall, but it only dampened the
impact
slightly.
"Arrrrrrrrrgh... Ouch, ouch, ouch, ouch, ouch! Dammit!"
The minibike slid down the road, spinning slightly as bits and pieces
broke off. It flipped over in a cartwheel as it hit the curb and landed
on a shrub.
Natsumi raised her head slowly and looked down the road.
*Dammit. You are going to pay dearly for that. I, Natsumi, will see to
it.*
The sounds of a helo buzzed in intensity. Suddenly, the police
command helo blazed overhead in pursuit of the criminal.
Natsumi managed to cheer a bit from her hoarse throat.
"You go, Captain! Kick his sorry ass."
Her body succumbed to blessed unconsciousness.
---
"This is PC-109, over! We are monitoring the progress of a black Honda
[pick model type later] over the main highway. Please respond,
dispatch!"
"We have intercept! Exits from your position on have been blocked. A
ram and slam team is on it's way."
[footnote for later: ram and slam is a method in which police play
bumper cars with a speeding car. They box the car in on at
least three sides (the front and two sides and the back if possble).
They then brake in unison. ]
"I see it. Give me a direct frequency to them."
"Yessir."
[more to be written later ... general mayhem between R&S team and car]
The tinted pasenger window lowered. The car on the right hit its brakes
frantically as a spray of automatic gunfire tore into its hood.
"Dammit! Watch it! Back off team! They're armed!"
---
The helo dropped back slightly. Several flashes came from the dark car.
*screech* *screech* *thump* *screech*
"I think we just took a hit. Let me check."
The Captain looked around a bit. He spied a small hole in the
fiberglass on the airframe.
"It was juat a minor hit. A scratch on the paint."
---
The little procession of cars was nearing the roadblock.
Three of the ram and slam team were still shadowing the car, keeping
theirdistance.
The window lowered again. This time, the tip of Chicom RPG
[might change it to something else...] came out along with the rest of
the
launcher.
"Clear the roadblock! Clea..."
The stubby little grenade flew into the barracade and blew several of
the
cars aside.
The arm that was holding the RPG, discarded it casually as the Honda
sped through the roadblock.
---
"They WHAT?!!!?"
Aoi blanched as Natusmi fumed and cursed, "We... lost the car. It blew
a hole in our roadblock."
*****
I've been trying to finish this fic, for quite a while...
I need to figure out some decent place names, and what kind of federal
policing agencys that the japanese have.
Any suggestions?
--
James Chu
Primary Animator for EVA-R
www.eva-r.com
To contact: write to chubacca@clam.rutgers.edu or dance the jig while
waving mackerel around your head, yodel the theme to Cheers in front of
a local McDonalds, or storm the local barbershop and use all the hair
clippings to create a tent ...
"And I'll wear my yellow bunny undies" - C-Ko
"Stupid, STUPID, rat creatures..." - Bone
-- Listar MIME Decryption --------------
-- Content: Included message
X-Mozilla-Status2: 00000000
Message-ID: <36F67DBD.B33DE230@clam.rutgers.edu>
Date: Mon, 22 Mar 1999 12:28:29 -0500
From: J Chu <chubacca@clam.rutgers.edu>
X-Mailer: Mozilla 4.5 [en] (Win98; U)
X-Accept-Language: ja,en
MIME-Version: 1.0
To: Keiichi Masaki <keiichi-dono@geocities.com>
Subject: [FFML][Fic][YUA]Need help fixing my fic...
References: <36F35551.42564AB8@geocities.com>
Content-Type: text/plain; charset=us-ascii
Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit
Requesting C&C for this chunk of my fic so far... and any other help
y'all can manage. I'll be indebted to you...
The characters from You're Under Arrest in this fiction are Kosuke
Fujishima's property. Um... I don't know much about writing
disclaimers... can anyone help me make a slightly better one?
[As of Yet, a Nameless Fic]
by JC
A small group of schoolchildren clustered around Nakajima, as he sat
down and cried with some of them.
"Don't cry Mr. Kenny!"
"Miyuki's gonna be all better. You'll see."
"Do you want my hanky?"
*sniff* "Wahhhh! Miyuki got a big boo boo!"
"Natsumi was being scary again."
"Why didn't you go with Miyuki to the hospital, Mr. Kenny?"
The ambulance pulled away from the curb, splashing the area with its
flashing lights. Miyuki's precious mini patrol car sat beside the curb,
the hatchback open and its mangled right door lying several meters down
the road.
"I'm pathetic," whimpered Nakajima. "I was too busy showing off. I
should have seen... it. I could have stopped it. I..."
The White Hawk of Bokuto broke down even further.
The kids gathered around and hugged him as several more patrol cars
pulled up.
---
A figure on a moto-compo buzzed up and over a hill as it attempted to
cut off a speeding Honda.
"This is Natsumi! Where the hell is my backup!"
Aoi squealed in an apologetic voice, "I'm sorry! Most of the patrols
are tied up at the [name a place]. There just too much traffic."
The tires on the mini bike gave off little chirping sounds as they
valiantly gripped the sidewalk as Natsumi made a tight turn around a
corner.
"Can't you get anyone out here? I'm gonna lose him!"
"The captain is on the way with helo support. Hold on Natsumi!"
Suddenly the road stopped curving. Natsumi went flying down another
hill as she caught a glimpse of the offending Honda.
"Grrrr... I want blood you little bastard! No one runs over my partner
and gets away with it!"
The road ahead of the car started to open up a bit. Natsumi felt her
chest tightening.
*Oh no. Once he gets on the open roads, I'll lose him!*
Fortunately, a truck started to pull out ahead of the Honda.
*Screeeeeeech*
The Honda made a 180 degree brake turn and skidded to a halt, close to
the
side of the truck.
"Hah hah! I've got you now, you little punk!"
Natsumi's shout of joy quickly dissolved into a confused screech, as the
car accelerated toward her.
"Oh crap! Ahhhhhhh!"
Natsumi swerved her minibike over to the side of the still cramped
street.
The back bumper of the car scraped Natsumi's arm back.
She was peeled off the bike almost instantaneously. Natsumi
instinctively tried to roll with the fall, but it only dampened the
impact
slightly.
"Arrrrrrrrrgh... Ouch, ouch, ouch, ouch, ouch! Dammit!"
The minibike slid down the road, spinning slightly as bits and pieces
broke off. It flipped over in a cartwheel as it hit the curb and landed
on a shrub.
Natsumi raised her head slowly and looked down the road.
*Dammit. You are going to pay dearly for that. I, Natsumi, will see to
it.*
The sounds of a helo buzzed in intensity. Suddenly, the police
command helo blazed overhead in pursuit of the criminal.
Natsumi managed to cheer a bit from her hoarse throat.
"You go, Captain! Kick his sorry ass."
Her body succumbed to blessed unconsciousness.
---
"This is PC-109, over! We are monitoring the progress of a black Honda
[pick model type later] over the main highway. Please respond,
dispatch!"
"We have intercept! Exits from your position on have been blocked. A
ram and slam team is on it's way."
[footnote for later: ram and slam is a method in which police play
bumper cars with a speeding car. They box the car in on at
least three sides (the front and two sides and the back if possble).
They then brake in unison. ]
"I see it. Give me a direct frequency to them."
"Yessir."
[more to be written later ... general mayhem between R&S team and car]
The tinted pasenger window lowered. The car on the right hit its brakes
frantically as a spray of automatic gunfire tore into its hood.
"Dammit! Watch it! Back off team! They're armed!"
---
The helo dropped back slightly. Several flashes came from the dark car.
*screech* *screech* *thump* *screech*
"I think we just took a hit. Let me check."
The Captain looked around a bit. He spied a small hole in the
fiberglass on the airframe.
"It was juat a minor hit. A scratch on the paint."
---
The little procession of cars was nearing the roadblock.
Three of the ram and slam team were still shadowing the car, keeping
theirdistance.
The window lowered again. This time, the tip of Chicom RPG
[might change it to something else...] came out along with the rest of
the
launcher.
"Clear the roadblock! Clea..."
The stubby little grenade flew into the barracade and blew several of
the
cars aside.
The arm that was holding the RPG, discarded it casually as the Honda
sped through the roadblock.
---
"They WHAT?!!!?"
Aoi blanched as Natusmi fumed and cursed, "We... lost the car. It blew
a hole in our roadblock."
*****
I've been trying to finish this fic, for quite a while...
I need to figure out some decent place names, and what kind of federal
policing agencys that the japanese have.
Any suggestions?
--
James Chu
Primary Animator for EVA-R
www.eva-r.com
To contact: write to chubacca@clam.rutgers.edu or dance the jig while
waving mackerel around your head, yodel the theme to Cheers in front of
a
local McDonalds, or storm the local barbershop and use all the hair
clippings to create a tent ...
"And I'll wear my yellow bunny undies" - C-Ko
"Stupid, STUPID, rat creatures..." - Bone