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CROSSTIME ADVENTURES: the MST
Part the Second
By: Matthew Campbell
Standing on the shoulders of:
Chris Davies
Jeff Hosmer
****
Open onto a frozen scene. It's the MST theater, which consists of nothing
more than a lot of seats, a screen, and endless black emptiness. Mars has the
recently revealed man who calls himself Ourranos pinned to the ground with
her hands about his throat. Mars's attention is focused upon the woman who
had introduced herself as Conejito, now claiming to be Serena Tsukino.
Everything is gray and lifeless, representing stopped time. Suddenly color
returns to the face and body of Ourranos. He is already facing the camera and
now begins to speak.
OURRANOS: To review. I, my colleague whom I now might as well refer to
as Serena, and Sailor Mars here are reviewing THE CROSSTIME
ADVENTURES OF SHEILA AND ATHENA by Jeff Hosmer and Chris
Davies. Mars is from the very universe where the events of this fic began and
ended, from a point in time only minutes after the closing line.
The plot in brief. Legendary sorceress Lina Inverse attempted a magical ritual
to transport herself from Crystal Tokyo back to her home dimension. The
ritual went awry, pulling both Lina and mild-mannered historian Sheila
Ten'Kai to a third dimension. In yet another version of the Sailor Moon
universe, Athena (the Silver Millennium incarnation of Sailor Mercury) was
also sucked in during an attempt to monitor the dimensional disturbance.
This was unfortunate. Athena's dimension's version of the Silver Crystal was
also brought along. This was a disaster. Lina got her hands on the Crystal,
and being already rather powerhungry, began recklessly using its power,
eventually leaping once more into the dimensional void.
Sheila and Athena met, teamed up, and managed to track Lina to yet another
dimension, taking along with them an old rival of Lina's from Lina's home
dimension. Unfortunately, this new dimension was another version of Crystal
Tokyo, where Lina stole a second Silver Crystal. Merging the Crystal into
herself and by now quite insane, Lina embarked on a quest to travel the
dimensions searching for other versions of the Silver Crystal. The
culmination of this plan would be her attempt to transcend and become a
goddess, something sure to destroy one or more dimensions. (pause) If I have
to use the word dimension one more time, I shall scream.
Anyway, for reasons best left unclear the task of stopping Lina was given to a
superpowered historian and a Silver Millennium senshi sexpot. That is to say
Sheila and Athena are going after Lina, determined to stop her whatever the
cost. (pause) Some of you may be wondering what's going on in the theater.
Allow me to elucidate. Mars has just discovered that I bear the face, answer to
the name, and am heir to the identity of the being known as Ourranos.
Ourranos, if not _the_ most evil person in the history of the universe, can at
least lay claim to being in the running. He committed atrocities too vile and
numerous to list, but Mars' personal grudge comes mostly from the fact that he
killed Serena Tsukino, not to mention Sailors Uranus and Neptune.
This by the way, makes me feel like a shit. Mars is of course a bit confused by
my partner, who has just revealed herself to be Serena Tsukino. We now
return to our program in progress.
Colors bleed back into the scene and movement returns.
MARS: Serena?
SERENA: I know you don't believe me but-
MARS: No, I'd know you anywhere. Just tell me how. What's going on?
SERENA: I think maybe Snake could explain it a bit better. If you let go of
his throat.
Mars hesitates, then slowly gets off Ourranos and moves away. A bright
ball of flame flickers in one of her hands, ready to be released at a moment's
notice.
MARS: (directed at Ourranos) Who are you really?
OURRANOS?: That's a little complicated. The event you call the final battle
was quite unusual even in the vast expanse of an entire universe. In virtually
the same instant, a goddess was born and a god (in terms of power anyway)
was destroyed. Such a thing doesn't just go unnoticed and unremarked, you
know. It is a fiery beacon to those who peer through time and space,
observing all eras future and past.
In a period separated from you own span of existence by millions of years,
there exist a race of beings to whom time is less a barrier than a window.
They looked through this window, and for reasons of their own, conducted an
experiment. The combined birth and death left shards of spirit floating free
for a brief moment in time. Reaching out, they grasped all of Serena that
Serenity had cast off. Every bad habit the queen fakes for your comfort, every
mortal thought or passion too frail for Serenity to support, they wove back into
a whole being, with memory and personality intact. In other words, Serena
here.
MARS: (taking a seat) This is too much. I just came here to mock and jeer,
and now you lay this on me? That still doesn't explain you... Ourranos?
SNAKE (formerly referred to as OURRANOS): Not really, though I
sometimes get a bit confused. It would be best if you call me Snake. That's as
much my name as anything. I'm... a little more complicated. Take this
newspaper.
Snake pulls a newspaper page out of thin air.
SERENA: Hey, I didn't know we could do that here. Can I get some popcorn?
MARS AND SNAKE: Go ahead. (each looks faintly startled by the other)
SNAKE: See this blank border between the edge of the paper and the text?
Conjuring up a pair of scissors, he cuts around the page, ending up with a
long strip of black newsprint.
SNAKE: This is me. A vague outline but none of the substance. The form
and some of the memories of my predecessor were reconstructed, but without
the text of who he really was. Frankly I don't think the beings I'm referring to
would have wanted to touch any of his text. Instead they built a framework of
whatever shards of Ourranos's spirit weren't as black as all the rest and coaxed
it into something approximating a new soul. Me. Sorry about the confusion
before, but remember I carry many of my predecessor's memories. It's easy to
end up answering to his name.
SERENA: (eating popcorn) But they couldn't send me back home.
SNAKE: Or wouldn't, which makes no difference. They _were_ willing to
undo what they had done and return us to nonexistence. After some
consideration, both Serena and I said no thanks to that. So ever since we've
been running around, trying to return Serena to some point in spacetime
where her friends exist. With little success, obviously.
MARS: Oh. (pauses) Oh. This all sounds so ridiculous.
SERENA: Almost as silly as magical girls.
There is a long, uncomfortable silence.
SNAKE: Well, back to the fic we're supposed to be commenting on.
Juuban District, Tokyo, Japan
199X
SNAKE: What's with the 'X' in the date?
MARS: Maybe it has something to do with the seven dragons of earth and
heaven?
SERENA: Historical uncertainty?
She flung her light, the light of the Moon Princess, against the
huge creature formed of mud.
And nothing happened.
The monster didn't even seem inconvenienced. UPSET, but --
SNAKE: -that was just because it had discovered it was overdrawn at the
bank.
And then, as she stared in shock, the beast grabbed hold of a
nearby bus, and flung it at her. She turned to flee and --
It struck.
SERENA: Ouch!
SNAKE: Another one bites the dust.
And then the universe became dark and red...
*****
Usagi awoke from her nightmare, gasping in fear. For a brief
moment, she thought she was back home, in her own bed...
SERENA: At least it wasn't the one where I'm naked at school.
But the pain she felt told her otherwise. She gritted her teeth to
keep from whimpering and waking up Mamoru, curled up in a chair nearby.
He needed his sleep at nights far more than she did, largely because she
had nothing to do with her days than sleep. A very long time ago -- a
week -- she would have thought that was a GOOD thing.
SERENA: I like to do more than sleep! Eating's good too.
Usagi hated hospitals. She hated hospital food -- bad tasting, and
the portions were so small -- and the generally patronizing attitude of
the hospital workers. She DEFINITELY hated having to use a bedpan.
SERENA: This is true.
SNAKE: I wonder how you explained this one to your family.
MARS: What, like they're going to question a random monster attack? In
Juuban?
And she really hated the fact that her friends were in danger, and
that she couldn't help them.
SNAKE: Hey, she can still help by playing strategist. Running intricately
planned missions from her bed.... Er, sorry. Forgot who I was talking about.
SERENA: I resemble that remark.
Her subconscious had realized that she would need time to heal the
injuries that she'd sustained in the fight against that... whatever it
had been. That was ANOTHER frustrating thing about all this. While the
Senshi were out there in the trenches, doing their usual routine of
battling the forces of evil and slowly but surely learning what the
enemy was actually up to, she was stuck here. Even when the Senshi or
Luna visited, they usually didn't want to trouble her with the details
of their fights... which only made her more nervous, ultimately.
Serena glares accusingly at Mars.
MARS: That's an alternate me. I'd never have cut you out like that.
SNAKE: (sarcastically) Sure.
He draws his sword and swishes it around, looking at the screen.
SNAKE: If only someone could help her speed up the old healing process.
He resheaths the sword.
It was, she supposed, a good thing that her subconscious had
quickly found someone else to take over the role of Sailor Moon. Even
if that person was... rather strange.
MARS AND SNAKE AND SERENA: ???
Still, she could've wished for a little excitement.
Usagi should have remembered that Minako had once said, "Be careful
what you wish for, you might break your mother's back!" Of course, if
she had, she would have been confused, but the idea would still have
made an impression.
SNAKE: So if she could have done something, then she should have done
something, and that would lead to something else.
MARS: In other words, don't go looking for trouble.
SERENA: Wishing not to be bored while stuck in a hospital bed is _not_
"looking for trouble".
There was a shimmering in the air at the foot of Usagi's bed, and
then a woman appeared from nowhere. Her hair was an orange-red, her
skin was exceedingly pale, and her eyes were two large crystals. She
carried a scythe-like staff.
SNAKE: I guess the narrator temporarily forgot Lina's name.
"Give me the Silver Crystal and I will not kill you slowly," she
said in a voice that sounded like a kazoo being played by a corpse.
SNAKE: A kazoo being played by...
MARS: It's one of those comparisons that sound cool, but make no sense once
you consider them.
Usagi was too frightened to even scream.
Fortunately, the woman's voice had awakened Mamoru. "Usako!" he
gasped, and transformed to Tuxedo Kamen in the blink of an eye, before
flinging one of his roses at the strangely dressed apparition.
MARS: But that trick never works.
SNAKE: Rose first, ask questions later.
Lina sidestepped the rose almost completely. Her face grew greatly
wroth as she felt the blood well up on the tiny cut where it had nicked
her cheek. "You looked MUCH better when you wore your lavender suit,"
she said in an angry voice. She then hefted the scythe she was
carrying, pointing the blunt end of it in Tuxedo Kamen's direction.
SNAKE: Spirit of space! It's an _evil_ fashion critique!
MARS: Those are the worst kind.
A burst of multicolored energy exploded from the scythe. The
Bishonen Senshi had only a moment to let out a short, startled
exclamation before it washed over him, leaving him wearing the lavender
tuxedo that he'd seen his future self wearing when he'd visited Crystal
Tokyo along with the Sailor Senshi.
SNAKE: Yeah, if some punk cuts me, first thing I do is make sure he's
properly dressed.
He didn't waste much more than a second considering this, deciding
at once that this must be some survivor of the Black Moon Family seeking
vengeance. He angrily reached into subspace for another rose.
He couldn't find any.
"Oh dear, did I not mention that the reason that outfit looks so
spiffy is that it doesn't have certain accessories?" Lina asked, before
laughing her head off at Tuxedo Kamen's predicament.
MARS: Endymion doesn't usually have in trouble with the roses.
SNAKE: Not only is this an alternate universe, Lina was messing with his
powers .
She had forgotten that there was considerably more to the man
before her than just roses thrown at dramatic moments. Lina was
SNAKE: There is? Not from what I-
SERENA: Don't make fun of muffin!
forcibly reminded of this when he leapt at her, whacking at her with
both his cane and his fists. He got in several good hits before she
blasted him with a wave of pure force, smashing him into the wall of the
hospital room.
SNAKE: He might have even given her a black eye. Er, black crystal.
Seething with power, she turned back to glare at Usagi. "Now...
are you going to give me the Crystal, or do I have to get MEAN?"
Panicking, but unable to flee due to her injuries, Usagi blurted
out, "I don't have it! I don't HAVE the Crystal!"
SERENA: That is not clear thinking.
SNAKE: Give the girl a break. She doesn't have your experience.
Lina sneered. "Sure, sure, that's what they all say." Of course,
the last five that I asked really DIDN'T have it...
"No! I REEEALLY don't have the Crystal! I --" Usagi abruptly
clammed up. There was no way in the world she was going to give up the
Crystal's location to a monster like her.
SERENA: Go girl!
MARS: No, she should tell her. We can always get the crystal back later, but
we can't get you, I mean her, back.
"You WHAT?" Lina barked.
SNAKE: (as Usagi) I want a shrubbery!
Even though she was right on the edge of a panic fit that would
leave her dissolving in tears, Usagi kept her mouth firmly shut.
"All right," Lina said in a low voice. "We're going to do this the
HARD way. Now, which of your bones HASN'T been broken recently?"
SERENA: (as Usagi) I'm not sure. Why don't you just wait here while I
wheel the bed out to the next room and check my medical chart.
It was at that point that Usagi let out her shriek of sheer panic.
Everyone in the hospital heard it, and orderlies by the dozens descended
on the door to Usagi's room, which Lina had quietly barred with a
sustained telekinesis spell the instant she arrived.
In fact, Usagi's shriek was sufficiently powerful that a number of
people OUTSIDE of the hospital heard it.
SERENA: Maybe she's near a window.
MARS: Bet I hear it.
At an otherwise empty house, Minako sat straight up in bed,
disturbing Artemis who was asleep on her stomach. "Usagi-chan!" she
gasped.
At her home, Ami sat up at her desk, where she had fallen asleep
getting caught up on her reading. "Usagi-chan!" she gasped.
At her lonely apartment, Makoto jerked awake in her own bed.
"Usagi-chan!" she gasped.
At the Hikawa Jinja, Rei awoke in her turn. "Usagi!" she gasped.
SERENA: What, she doesn't rate a "chan" from Rei?
MARS: You know I never "chan" you.
SNAKE: A more hentai reviewer might question whether the fact that they're
all waking up moaning Usagi's name has anything at all to do with the fact
that she's in danger. Maybe it's just standard.
Snake studiously ignores the glares of the two women.
And at a certain dojo in a certain rather famous part of Tokyo...
MARS: I have an odd feeling of foreboding.
Ranma woke up.
This in itself was rather odd. Ranma normally didn't awaken in the
mornings until he had been either yelled at several times or violently
assaulted, usually by his father or by Akane. And he almost NEVER woke
up before the sun rose, unless he was training for something. "Early to
bed and early to rise, makes a man healthy, but he still dies," was one
of the few pearls of wisdom from his father that he had adopted as his
own.
MARS: I can attest to that.
SNAKE: And how do you have such intimate knowledge of when Ranma gets
up?
MARS: .....
So Ranma was already rather puzzled by the fact that he had woken
up at this hour of the night without having someone's voice in his ear
or being attacked, when he realized that he was getting the strangest
feeling that someone important was in danger.
He was about to go check on Akane, rationalizing this by developing
a theory that Ryouga might try to do something REALLY perverted to her
while she was sleeping. Not that he CARED or anything...
SERENA: I think it's sad when someone can't admit how they really feel.
Don't you think so, Raye?
MARS: .....
But before he even got to the door to the guest room, he heard a
faint, pulsing beep. It was soft enough that his father, slumbering in
panda form nearby, slept on undisturbed but loud enough that Ranma could
hear it quite clearly. Momentarily, he wondered what it was, then
SNAKE: ...considered it might be his beeper, before remembering he didn't
have a beeper.
remembered the signal device that the others had pushed on him the other
day.
He momentarily rooted through the pile of clothes on his floor,
until he found the wristwatch device. He flipped open the top, and was
presented with the imaged of a panicked Ami. "Ranma!" she squeaked, her
voice even higher pitched than normal thanks to the poor audio quality,
MARS: Poor audio quality? Nine out of ten consumer tests showed Sailor
communication devices superior to most commercial brands.
"Usagi-chan's in trouble! We need you to come to the hospital right
away!"
SERENA: (as Ami) Her bedpan needs changing again!
"Right!" Ranma grunted, grabbing the other piece of girly costume
jewelry from his pile of clothes. He then dashed out of his room, down
the stairs, and leaped out the back door to the pond.
SPLASH.
Words bubbled up to the surface of the pond.
"MOON PRISM POWER... MAKEUP!"
MARS: Heh.
There was a flash of polychromatic light, and Ranma, now female,
arose from the pond, and leapt into the night sky. She was garbed in the
easily recognizable garb of Shin Sailor Moon -- a sailor-fuku with a red
bow, a blue skirt, and red knee-length boots. White gloves covered her
arms to the elbow, and a golden tiara graced her forehead. The end of
her pigtail was adorned with a round, ruby ornament.
MARS: Heh. Heh-heh-heh-heh. Bwah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah! Oh, there are
some sights you treasure forever.
SNAKE: Wow. Just when I thought I knew all the ways a man might
humiliate himself.
SERENA: Oh no! I never realized!
SNAKE AND MARS: What!?
SERENA: The costume adds ten pounds!
Soun, sitting on the porch and enjoying a quiet smoke, decided to
pretend he hadn't seen that.
SNAKE: Notice they didn't say what he was smoking.
MARS: What is it with you and your drug obsession?
SNAKE: I don't have a drug obsession. I just find it amusing to see how many
actions make perfect sense if various characters are on drugs.
*****
In a way, Makoto mused, there wasn't really that much difference
between Shin Sailor Moon and Sailor Moon. They both tended to be late.
The difference being, she supposed, that Shin Sailor Moon had something
of an excuse, living in Nerima and having to cross town like she did.
SERENA: On the other hand, I didn't have as much practice running over
rooftops.
He did.
Whatever.
It doesn't make getting beaten up any less crushing to my ego, she
thought, as she flung another "Vital Pressure" at the weird-eyed
sorceress who had assaulted Usagi and Mamoru, and watched as the
lightning rebounded off her like bullets off Godzilla's hide. It DID
serve to distract her before she could do anything lethal to Sailor Mars
and Sailor Venus, both of whom were more or less at her mercy.
SNAKE: She shouldn't feel bad failing against someone who just took down
Sailor Saturn.
The sorceress then made a gesture oddly like one brushing crumbs
away, and a wall of force slammed into Sailor Jupiter. Makoto's teeth
were ringing when she struck the wall of the hospital, and for a few
seconds she teetered on the edge of unconsciousness.
SNAKE: She was right next to Tuxedo Kamen, also embedded in the wall.
Looking over, he dared ask, "How's it hanging?"
There was a pulse of energy off to one side, and the sound of two
sets of feet hitting the ground. Makoto lifted her head to see the
sorceress looming over her...
SNAKE: There fortunately being very little to block the view looking at Lina's
face from a position at her feet.
"MOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!"
...and then a red headed sonic boom slammed into the sorceress,
howling battlecries as it passed.
SNAKE: You know, a battle cry of "Mommy!" just isn't the thing to strike
fear into the heart of your opponent.
Gee, Shin Sailor Moon seems to be really upset that I'm hurt,
Makoto thought, confusedly. And you know, when she's a guy, he looks
just like--
SNAKE: (as Makoto) Elvis Presley! Bet you thought I was going to say my
old sempai.
Makoto shook her head to clear it, and realized that the woman
fighting with the sorceress WASN'T dressed in a Sailor Senshi fuku, and
that her braid was much longer than Ranma's pony tail. She WAS, however
fighting with the same acrobatic lack of regard for her own life and
limb that the martial artist from Nerima usually demonstrated.
MARS: Which only makes sense, given who trained her.
"Dammit, Lina!" she heard the woman cry out. "Stop this! This is
insane! Don't you know what will happen if you --"
"SHUT UP, SHEILA! I know that you just want to take my preciouses
for yourself!" the sorceress retorted. She easily evaded all of the
warrior's blows.
SNAKE: First the rose, now this. Vast magical power yes, but who knew the
Crystal granted you vast martial prowess?
MARS: (a bit distracted) Somehow or other, I'm going to talk Serenity into a
sparring session. I want to check this out.
"Okay, then we'll do this the hard way! ATHENA, GO!"
SNAKE: Everybody's doing it the hard way, but it never seems to get them
anywhere.
SERENA: The hard way would seem to suck.
A bolt of water that almost seemed to RADIATE icy cold slammed into
the side of the sorceress, enveloping her and congealing around her so
that she looked as though she were imprisoned in a crystal.
SNAKE: Technically, ice _is_ a crystal.
MARS: Yes, but it can't count. Everyone knows imprisoning someone in true
crystal is reserved for the forces of evil.
"That seemeth to me poetically just, dost thou not agree, Sheila-
chan?" a familiar voice -- speaking in a very UNfamiliar accent --
asked.
Makoto craned her head over to look at Ami, standing a few feet
away, with a satisfied expression on her face. She then turned to look
in the opposite direction, to see Ami staring at her doppleganger with a
confused expression.
SNAKE: (as Makoto) I think I hit my head harder than I thought.
"Good work, Athena!" the red-haired girl enthused. "Now --"
Whatever was to happen now was lost in the sharp explosion of the
ice cube that the sorceress was imprisoned in. A bolt of red lightning
arced out from the sorceress' hand, knocking the warrior woman back
through the wall of the hospital, and provoked a sharp squeal of pain
from her as well.
SNAKE: I guess Sheila found a weak spot in the wall.
MARS: Is there something significant about red lightning?
SERENA: People laugh at you if you shoot pink lightning.
"Now for YOU," the sorceress said, turning to glare at the Ami who
had frozen her.
SNAKE: Technically that's not an Ami. That's an Athena.
"MACHINASAI!" came from a few feet away.
The sorceress almost seemed to slump. "Is there no END to this?"
she asked herself as she turned to glare at the new arrival. When she
had placed the telekinetic barrier on the door, she had forgotten that
Sailors preferred unconventional entrances like windows... and walls.
MARS: We like to surprise people.
SERENA: Besides, when you're late, sometimes you can't take the time for a
door.
The new arrival was standing a few feet away. Performing silly
poses, she said, "A hospital is a place for healing and peace! Your
actions have disturbed the sleep of countless sick and injured people!
Even if Dr. Kildare forgives you, I won't! Ai to seigi no, sailor-fuku
bishoujo senshi...Shin Sailor Moon! Tsuki ni kawatte, oshioki yo!"
Mars collapses in a fit of laughing.
SERENA: He's not doing anything we didn't do.
MARS: Yes, but it's Saotome doing it.
Under her breath, Shin Sailor Moon mumbled, "Boy, do I feel silly
doing this."
SNAKE: Is it mandatory?
"The CRYSTAL," the sorceress hissed. In the next instant, she
leaped towards Ranma, a savage grin on her face.
SNAKE: Throwing Ranma to the ground, she ravished her thoroughly.
The other two materialize mallets and bap him.
MARS: This is neat! I've never gotten to use a mallet before.
"MOUKOU TSUKITAKABISHA!" Shin Sailor Moon yelped, startled
but
keeping her head. The ball of yellow light, marked by the image of a
white rising moon, jumped forth from her hands and slammed into her
attacker. Ranma guessed that it had done SOME damage by the pained
expression on her face, but she kept coming anyway...
SNAKE: Lina is the energizer bunny of powermad lunatics. She takes a
hurting and keeps on... well, hurting other people.
Sheila crawled out of the hole in the wall, her body and her pride
wounded. Dammit, when am I gonna get a handle on my temper? she
thought. A quick look told her that both Athena and her mo-- this
universe's version of Sailor Jupiter were all right. Then she saw the
one who was fighting with Lina.
Ranma-sensei? she thought, confusedly. Wait a minute! What's
going on here?
SNAKE: We could be about to see if Lina's got anything more than souped up
reflexes.
"Hey!" Makoto shouted as she saw Sheila emerge. "Are you okay?"
Sheila flashed her a quick grin. "Fine! I LIKE getting smashed
into buildings!"
Makoto let loose a short snort of laughter as she limped over to
stand with her. "You're in with the right crowd, then..."
SNAKE: (as Makoto) And if you like pain, we have a fine collection of whips
and bondage gear in the back.
Snake looks at his co-workers.
SNAKE: Is it just me, or am I doing all the work here?
Off in the distance, Sheila could see that Ranma was just barely
holding off Lina. "Who IS that, anyway?" she asked Sailor Jupiter.
SNAKE: (as Jupiter) Heck if I know. She just showed up and started blasting.
Don't you know who she is? I mean, it seems like you charged in here after
her.
"Haven't you been reading the newspapers?"
"I'm from out of town."
SNAKE: Just saying she was from another dimension probably would have
worked as well for Sheila.
MARS: It's just as well. Back then we didn't have the best of luck with people
from other dimensions.
"That's Shin Sailor Moon," Jupiter said simply.
SNAKE: In case my previous witticism wasn't clear, I'm not sure how Jupiter
knew Sheila was referring to Shin Sailor Moon rather than Lina.
MARS: She probably pointed or something.
Sheila had a brief, hilarious image of her former martial arts
instructor reacting to the idea of becoming one of the Sailor Senshi in
his cursed form, and had to work hard to repress the attack of the
giggles that image provoked.
MARS: Sometimes great minds think alike.
Athena had been looking at the fight between Shin Sailor Moon -- A
Senshi of the MOON? What an odd development THIS is... -- and the mad
sorceress, waiting for an opening which the younger warrior didn't seem
inclined to provide. "Whatever is the matter with her?" she finally
protested. "Doth she intend to fight against the monster which did best
all of her companions ALONE?"
SNAKE: Athena would rather Ranma turned tail and run?
SERENA: You know, Athena could be trying to help instead of standing
around watching the fight.
MARS: I'm assuming a couple of walls have been knocked open by now.
There just isn't that much room in a hospital room!
SNAKE: You're right. Athena's watching a fight that can't be happening
more than a couple of feet away.
"You... you look JUST like me..." she heard a quieter version of
her own voice behind her.
Athena turned to look at Sailor Mercury. They exchanged a long
look. "Nay, not truly," Athena said distractedly. "Thy bosom is much
less --"
Ami's face turned bright red.
SNAKE: There's nothing wrong with that bosom!
Oh, Powers, please tell me that not EVERY version of myself in the
myriad worlds is going to be as prudish as Aurora is..., Athena thought
silently. "Hast thy companion no concept of strategy? Wherefore dost
she not set her opponent up for attacks from me, or thee?"
MARS: Limited room to maneuver?
SNAKE: I think we just have to assume the room has undergone magical
stretching and is big enough to hold a fight and two discussions. That or
several walls have been destroyed completely.
Ami blinked, puzzling out the meaning of her doppleganger's archaic
language. "Oh. Well, since Shin Sailor Moon's attack is more powerful
than any of ours --"
"What boots it? If one adds a glass of water to a nearly full
well, the level of water therein DOTH increase, no matter that the water
within the glass is less than that in the well."
SNAKE: But your time might be better spent tossing the bad guy in the well
so he can drown there.
Ami blinked. That definitely did make sense. "Well, Shin Sailor
Moon just joined us recently, and she doesn't have much experience
fighting --"
MARS: Hah!
SERENA: That does seem a little inaccurate.
"Why hast a NOVICE been entrusted with such a formidable power?"
MARS: We were all novices back then.
SNAKE: We've established a definite character trait for Athena. She gets
distracted easily. First it was sex, and now she just has to hear about the
evolution of fighting strategies while a super-sorceress tries to swat them all
like flies.
"-- fighting in a GROUP, at least..."
MARS: More accurate.
"IYAAAA!"
All eyes immediately swiveled to see what had produced that
horrible cry.
SNAKE: It seems someone had stepped on Luna's tail.
Lina was trying to whack Shin Sailor Moon with a large energy
mallet, which she was directing with the Silence Glaive. "So!" she
cackled. "THIS is your weakness, is it?" The fact that Shin Sailor Moon
was desperately trying to dodge the attack gave support to the theory.
SNAKE: Now if only Lina could convince Ranma to insult her breasts, she'd
have him dead to rights.
Finally, it connected, and Ranma was flattened by the force of the
blow. Immediately, Lina's arm lashed out and tore the broach containing
the Silver Crystal from Shin Sailor Moon's blouse.
SERENA: I hate it when people do that.
Any humor that Sheila found in the situation died at that moment.
Shouting Lina's name at the top of her lungs, she dashed towards her.
"Too late!" Lina shrieked, as she clenched her right hand around
the Crystal. As she did, the hand took on the properties of the
Crystal, remaining silver and faceted even after she opened her hand to
reveal that she had taken the crystal into her body. Her face was a
picture of ecstasy, even though her crystal-like eyes were empty of any
expression.
SNAKE: (to Serena) Well, that's one way to make sure no one snatches it
from you.
And then, with a burst of light, she was gone.
"Dammit!" Sheila swore as she arrived by the side of Ranma, who had
detransformed into the clothes she'd been wearing before, and just
waking up.
"What WAS that?" Ranma asked, confused.
SNAKE: It was a tourist. Damn them and their maniacal souvenir hunting!
"Athena, get over here! We've got to hurry!" Sheila called.
Athena nodded, and started to run, with Ami and Makoto following close
on her heels.
"Wait a minute, who ARE you guys?" Ranma demanded, coming to her
feet.
SNAKE: (MiB voice) That's none of your concern sir. Now please stare into
the flash.
"That's a long story," Sheila began.
"I know who you are," Makoto interrupted. And then she smiled
broadly. "I heard you! You called me Mom! You're my daughter from
Crystal Tokyo, aren't you?"
SNAKE: (as Sheila) No, you don't understand. "Mommy!" is my battlecry.
You know, striking fear into the hearts of evildoers and all that.
Sheila flinched. "Yeah, sort of..."
"Crystal Tokyo?" Ranma asked.
SERENA: Like regular Tokyo, except full of shiny rocks and in ruins.
MARS: In ruins?
SERENA: That's the only way _I've_ ever seen it.
"And you're Sailor Mercury from the future, right?" Makoto asked,
turning to Athena.
SNAKE: She probably noticed the bigger breasts.
"From the future?" Ranma asked.
Athena was about to answer a negative to that, when Sheila stepped
between the two of them. "I'm sorry, we can't really answer any
questions you might have... we've got to get moving, or several
dimensions are going to be destroyed."
SNAKE: I'm planning to bring this up later, but I'll mention for the first time
here that Athena is going to start getting awfully curious about all these
worlds were she exists as a reincarnation and the Silver Millennium is gone.
If fact, there seems to be no real reason for Sheila _not_ to give her some
warning. What do you two think?
Mars and Serena are whispering to each other, oblivious.
SNAKE: Excuse me! I said, what do you two think?
MARS: Uh, pink definitely.
"Dimensions?" Ranma asked.
"We'll come with you!" Makoto volunteered.
Sheila shook her head. "Sorry, but our traveling device only
carries two people," she lied. "Listen, I promise that I'll bring your
world's Silver Crystal back, okay?"
SNAKE: Place absolute faith in the word of a total stranger who has shown a
stunning lack of success so far? Sure, why not!
"What's happening?" Rei asked wearily as she helped Minako to walk
over to where the rest of them were standing.
SNAKE: So I take it Usagi is still.... Well, actually I don't remember her
status being mentioned since that scream alerted everyone. I guess Lina didn't
get around to doing anything too horrible to her, or they'd probably be a bit
more upset.
"At least I'm not the ONLY one who has no idea what's going on,"
Ranma muttered.
"The woman whom thou didst battle against hast stolen yon Shin
Sailor Moon's Silver Crystal, and departed. We two must hasten to
pursue her, or her act shall doom this world," Athena explained calmly.
SNAKE: The good news is that they're rapidly running out of options with
regards to Lina.
MARS: (momentarily distracted from her whisper session) Huh, how is that
good news?
SNAKE: By eliminating all possible courses of action, they'll eventually find
one that works.
"I liked it better when I had no idea what was going on," Ranma
sighed.
"And now, we go," Sheila interjected, and gestured with the D-
Hopper. They vanished.
SNAKE: Now I guess the senshi know how ordinary people feel when they
show up, bust some monster, and then run off.
"So NOW what?" Minako asked. "Without the Silver Crystal, you
can't become Shin Sailor Moon, Ranma!"
"Well, if I can't, I can't, y'know? Panicking about it ain't gonna
get me anywhere."
SNAKE: Level-headedness. You can see why he's such a great martial arts
master.
The cats, Luna and Artemis, along with the small black pig who was
channeling the spirit of their long-dead friend Charon, trotted up at
that point, and they had to explain the whole thing to them. By the
time they were done, Ranma finally decided to turn back to her normal
form, via a small kettle of hot water that she'd carried in her
backpack. She upended the contents over her head.
Nothing happened.
THEN Ranma started to panic.
SNAKE: On the other hand, maybe he just has messed up priorities. Say,
Mars, shouldn't you be collapsing in a giggle fit about now? Mars?
Mars and Serena are again engaged in a whisper session.
SNAKE: Alright, that's it! I've been mostly carrying you two through this last
section. You couldn't be bothered to pay attention half the time. The two of
you obviously have some things to discuss and work out, so why don't you just
take a walk.
SERENA: What?
SNAKE: Take a walk. (He gestures off into the darkness.) Talk, do whatever
else you need to do. I'll handle the next section of the story on my own.
MARS: And leave you here by yourself?
SNAKE: I can handle it.
MARS: That's not what I-
Mars breaks off as Serena grabs her by the arm and begins dragging her
away.
SERENA: Thanks Snake!
SNAKE: No problem. Now shoo, shoo!
He watches as the two women vanish into the gloom.
SNAKE: Now at last I'm alone in the theater! I and I alone have absolute
power over the MST.
He throws his arms up in a celebratory posture. Nothing happens, and
after a minute he awkwardly lowers them.
SNAKE: Gee, this isn't anywhere near as thrilling as I thought it would be.
*****
Juuban District, Tokyo, Japan
Another world
SNAKE: There's always another world. Maybe what Sheila and Athena really
need to do is find a really horrible world. Then they just help Lina ascend in
that world in a fashion that doesn't destroy any other dimensions. (glances
around) Now, see, that's the sort of thing you can say when you control the
MST.
In a high tower, at a moment of tragedy, seven crystals - parts of
a whole - became one once more. The Ginzuishou settled into the
crescent of its owner's weapon, glowing with the light of rebirth.
Sailor Moon reached out.
And Princess Serenity clasped the handle of her weapon, ready to
defend her love.
SNAKE: Serena confessed to me that she sometimes had to fight down a
momentary temptation to throw the thing like a hatchet.
*****
Emerald leaned against the park bench, his eyes closed. His face
was relaxed as he drew power from the elements. The soft wind blowing
through his hair and ruffling his slightly grimy, now off-white shirt.
The electricity from the nearby sputtering streetlights. The steady
heartbeat of the earth beneath him, the gently swirling water of the
large park lake...
SNAKE: The slavering devotion of thousands of otaku drooling over their
favorite anime...
His face was relaxed from his energy meditation, his body semi-
limp, although still tense enough to spring to a defense if needed. His
senses, the mystical ones that had little to do with sight or touch or
SNAKE: I still have a few of those. Great for pinpointing the craving of
cosmic creatures, but not much use for say, watching a performance of
Othello.
any such mundane workings, reached out, gently touching the auras of
every living thing around him, making him feel like a part of his
surroundings for once, instead of some sort of forever-outsider. A
smile started to twitch at his lips.
He stiffened. His smile dropped as his eyes shot open, startling a
couple who had been walking by. As the young lovers hurried off,
SNAKE: Yeah, I know there's nothing that startles me like some guy opening
his eyes.
Waits.
SNAKE: This is the downside. With no one else here, I have to point out my
own mistake and mention that they were glowing green eyes, after all.
Emerald turned his head to the left, staring up through the masking set
of tree branches to the outline of a distant building.
"Serenity..." he hissed, his eyes narrowing as he slowly turned his
body towards the tower. He stood slowly, never taking his gaze off the
tall building. His fists clenched and unclenched as he stared at the
monolith.
SNAKE: Did my daughter run over his cat or something?
Then his mystical senses seemed to explode.
Energy flooded through his body, but it was the WRONG kind of
energy. The WORST kind. The silver energy of the Ginzuishou snapped
and crackled around him while a green aura fought back against it. The
two types of energy spun around him, actually lifting him into the air
as they fought. The bench he had been sitting on exploded into flame as
the green aura struck it. A nearby tree was split in half by silver
lightning. Car windows blew outward.
SNAKE: Some author's been watching a little too much Highlander....
And then it stopped.
Emerald flopped to the ground, gasping for breath as the pain
slowly faded. He had never felt anything like that before. He knew
from experience that his power and the power of the Ginzuishou did not
get along, but not even a direct bolt from Serenity's crystal had ever
felt like that.
SNAKE: (hentai voice) Was it good for you too?
SNAKE: Anyway, he survived a direct bolt from the Crystal? That's none too
shabby.
Does she somehow know I'm after her? Is she that powerful, to try
and strike me down from a distance?
After a moment he discarded that thought. Even in Crystal Tokyo,
Serenity had never tried to destroy him like that. If she had been
capable of it, he knew that Mars would have insisted that she do it. So
what?
SNAKE: But what if she knew he had to stay alive so he could come back to
the past to be killed? I really hate paradoxes. (pause) I'm beginning to regret
sending Mars away. This fellow looks like another alternate universe denizen
she's react to.
He looked around at the devastation around him for the first time
and decided to leave, now, before the authorities arrived. He was
standing in the middle of a blasted crater. It even felt dead to him.
Curiously, he reached out with his senses. The area around him, the
area scoured by the mystical energies, was utterly dead. There was no
energy to be drained. The implications staggered him.
SNAKE (as Emerald) So this must mean.... Serenity is evil! (as himself)
What, you expected him to jump to any other conclusion?
He then checked his power levels and was surprised again. He was
full of energy. He hadn't had this much even when he had faced the
Great Enemy. Somehow, the freak interaction of his power with the
Ginzuishou's had supercharged him, leaving a dead crater in its wake.
"Interesting," he muttered before stepping into a shadow and
disappearing. He needed to think about this.
SNAKE: I'm impressed. That disappearing into the shadows bit is nigh-
impossible while wearing an off-white shirt.
*****
Somewhere else, Lina slowly got to her feet. Her crystalline eyes
glittered as she viewed the devastation around her. Whatever that
strange green power was, it had been painful, destructive... and very
energy-rich.
SNAKE: Did I ever mention my theory that Emerald's rock is actually a piece
of a Green Lantern power battery?
She considered what to do next. She could sense this world's
Silver Crystal. Serenity was using it, but at a very low level of
power. At least she was assured that this world was not a total waste
of time like so many others. In fact, the energy she had received from
the interaction of her power, the green energy, and her currently
blasted surroundings would help prolong her quest. Should she seek out
this strange new power or go for the Crystal first?
SNAKE: Ah, I have memories such difficult decisions. Who to conquer
today? Lina is better off going after the Crystal, given the unstable nature of
her reaction with the green power.
Her ruminations were interrupted by a flash of light and the
arrival of two familiar figures.
"Lina! Stop!" Sheila cried, running toward the sorceress.
SNAKE: Yeah, that's worked great so far.
Lina raised her crystal hand, truly intent on eliminating this
nuisance once and for all. The power gathered, forming as a silver ball
of light in front of her outstretched palm...
Then everything exploded in green light again.
SNAKE: (as Lina) Maybe I should have listened to Sheila...
*****
Emerald convulsed as he fell out of a shadow in front of the high
tower, silver sparks gathering around him. It was nowhere near as bad
as the last time, but it still sent waves of agony through his limbs.
To make it worse, more energy was flowing into his system, draining the
surroundings, and he was already topped off. Green energy leaked from
his eyes and mouth as he screamed his pain to the uncaring sky. Then,
unable to contain it any longer, he threw the energy out of him and into
the night sky.
SNAKE: There can be only one! (pause) If he'd stayed in the dead crater,
that probably wouldn't have happened.
*****
Athena snapped on her visor and began scanning Lina as the power-
mad sorceress writhed in agony, surrounded by green energy of some sort.
The power levels she was seeing made her blanch. "Sheila, stay back!
Yon energy will kill you!" she cried out to her red-haired comrade.
SNAKE: Athena, master of the obvious.
Sheila stopped at Athena's cry. "What's it doing to her?"
SNAKE: Perfect complement to Sheila, master of foolhardy moves. Maybe
instead of all this rushing Lina like some football linebacker, she should go
back to throwing pens.
"Her Crystals are reacting with some power native to this
universe." Athena read the analysis off her computer. "It is like the
power of the Silver Crystal, but opposed somehow. When they interact,
huge amounts of power are drained from the environment. Tis dangerous
to get too close."
SNAKE: But if we stay far enough away, it'll be great for toasting
marshmallows!
"Like matter and anti-matter, huh?" Sheila asked. On seeing the
blank look Athena gave her, she said, "Never mind."
SNAKE: It wasn't that Athena didn't understand what matter and anti-matter
were, it's just she didn't think it was a very good metaphor.
Suddenly, a column of green light filled the sky a short ways off,
by a high tower that dominated the skyline to the south. All three of
the dimensionally displaced travelers saw it. Indeed, all of Tokyo saw
it. This included five young girls who had just found their princess
and lost their guardian in one fell swoop. Needless to say, the
reactions of the various observers differed greatly.
SNAKE: Really? I would think "What the?!" would be a fairly universal
reaction.
With a snarl of pain and rage, Lina threw herself into the sky,
flying toward the light. She wanted to find the source of her pain and
crush it with her bare hands. Athena used her computer to pinpoint the
origin of the light. Sheila just stood there, gaping, as Lina took
flight.
SNAKE: (as Lina) What's the matter Sheila? Ain't you never seen a flying,
half-crystallized, red-haired inverted wizard before?
SNAKE: (as Sheila) It's not that. It's just that you changed your clothing into
a dress, and when you fly I can see you aren't wearing any underwear.
"Come, Sheila! I hath the place we must be. We must hurry, ere
Lina gets there first!"
"Hey, I'm fast, but I can't run THAT fast."
"Just take mine hand!" Athena said, grabbing her friend. Then,
unable to resist, she pressed her body very closely against Sheila's.
"We must be close together to teleport."
SNAKE: Sheesh, sometimes it seems like everybody and their mother can
teleport. Whatever happened to walking from one place to another on you
own two feet! (pause) I'm sounding like an old man again.
"Whatever... hey, watch the hands!"
SNAKE: (as Athena) Just getting a good grip!
Then they were gone.
*****
"That... hurt..." Emerald said, gasping for breath like a landed
fish. He had just let loose a bolt of energy more powerful than any he
had ever used, except the one against the Great Enemy, and he still felt
full to bursting. A trembling hand reached to grasp his crystal.
SNAKE: Sort of like all-you-can-eat night at Big Belly Burgers.
"What?" he said to it. "We have to leave? Why?" He listened for
a moment. "Who's coming?"
The doors to the tower suddenly burst open in front of him,
disgorging five Sailors who had had a very bad night. Then there was a
flash of light and two women, one clad in a Sailor fuku, appeared behind
him. Then, to top it all off, a redhead with silver eyes came flying
out of the sky.
SNAKE: Can not a man toss a few energy bolts into the sky without attracting
the attention of every weirdo in the city?
"Oh, everyone," he said, answering his own question of a moment
before. Elsewhere seemed to be a good place to visit at the moment.
Then his senses told him about the aura of the flying woman.
Two... no THREE Ginzuishou's? he thought. The power is not quite
the same... but she... Is that Serenity?
SNAKE: No, but that doesn't get you off the hook.
The moment of confusion would have cost him dearly if Sailor Moon
hadn't taken that moment to interrupt with one of her trademark
speeches. "Hold it! I don't know what all of you are doing here, but
I've had a VERY bad night, so don't do ANYTHING or in the name of the
Moon, I'll punish you!"
SNAKE: You know, those speeches are nearly as effective as evil laughter
when it comes to relieving tension.
The flying redhead threw her head back and laughed. "Oh, how
convenient. Wait a moment, green-hair," she called to Emerald. "I'll
deal with you in a moment."
SNAKE: (as Emerald) Any time, small-breasts.
"Lina, don't do this!" Sheila cried, hoping to distract the
sorceress.
SNAKE: Right. I'm sure if Sheila says that enough times, Lina will change
her mind.
Athena, meanwhile, ran over to Emerald. "Sir, I suggest that you
take cover. Thou dost not want to get caught in the middle of this."
She then took a moment to look the man over. "Twould be a very great
shame for such a handsome man to get fried."
SNAKE: Of course, Emerald's energy is the only thing to have given Lina
pause so far, but who's thinking about that?
Emerald stared at her, his green-on-green eyes almost bugging out.
Did Sailor Mercury just come on to me? Then he regained control of
himself. "I could NOT agree more with either statement," he said before
running for the shadows.
SNAKE: Apparently he changes his mind somewhere along the way, because
he's still around for the rest of this scene.
Meanwhile, Lina, ignoring Sheila completely, waved a negligent hand
at the already exhausted Sailor Moon. Clear crystal erupted from the
ground beneath the inexperienced Senshi's feet and surrounded her,
trapping her like a fly in amber.
SNAKE: Smoky crystal really works better for that sort of thing. Not quite
opaque, so you can still look inside with horror, yet not clear enough to seem
too bright and positive. Um, speaking from memory not experience, of course.
"Hmm, low level tricks don't seem to trigger that green energy,"
Lina said to herself.
"Sailor Moon!" cried the gathered Sailors. As one, they unleashed
their attacks at Lina, who was prepared for them. They bounced off a
shield.
SNAKE: But at least they're using _teamwork_!
"MERCURY ICE BLADE!"
Suddenly, a six foot long spear of ice slammed into Lina's back,
driving its point through her body and coming out the front, its clear
sides stained red. Lina gave a gurgling cry and fell down on top of
Sailor Moon's prison. Her blood ran down its sides.
SNAKE: I thought Lina had a shield up. Guess it wasn't enough.
"ATHENA!" Sheila screamed.
SNAKE: (as Lina) Yes, scream her name. I'm the one with the ice blade
stuck through me!
The Senshi of Ice stood trembling in a throwing stance, then she
lowered her hands and held them before her. "I... I never used that on
a human..." she said. "Oh, gods..." She sank to her knees. "What have
I done?"
SNAKE: If it's any comfort, the monsters don't like it any better.
"You... you killed her!" the other Sailor Mercury cried out,
aghast.
SNAKE: What, because she has one lousy ice blade sticking through her? In
my day ramming a sharp object through someone's guts was just a fancy way
of saying hello! (Now see, I definitely wouldn't say that in front of Serena.)
Sheila ran to her friend's side. She couldn't believe that Athena
had done that. "Athena, are you okay?" she asked, grabbing her friend
by the shoulders.
The usually flirtatious Senshi was sobbing in great big heaves.
"Oh, Sheila... I... I killed her. I killed a human being... oh,
gods..."
SNAKE: I kid, but really I understand. Not a pleasant thing to do. It's a mark
of how rushed they've been through this chase that the idea of lethal force
didn't have a chance to come up before the deed.
"Shhhh... shhhh..." Sheila rocked Athena back and forth gently.
"It's okay." Then she said quietly. "Why? Why did you do it?"
SNAKE: (as Athena) The bitch spurned my every- Ah, I mean because
universes were at stake. That's it.
"B-because... Sailor Moon was so inexperienced here and Lina was so
strong... I couldn't stop her last time... if she got a fourth Crystal,
how could we stop her? I just wanted to wound her...."
Sheila looked over at Lina, then turned back to Athena, hugging her
tight. "I understand. We had to stop her. I just wish..."
SNAKE: ...I had gotten the opportunity to get into her pants before the end.
Her wish was never voiced, for at that moment, Lina Inverse opened
her eyes. "AAAARRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHH!" she yelled, vaporizing
the ice
blade with her power. Then, inside the crystal prison, the Ginzuishou
rose from Sailor Moon's body and floated up through the Crystal toward
Lina. Everyone, including the mostly forgotten Emerald, watched in
horror as the Ginzuishou entered Lina's wound... and then replaced the
gaping hole with crystalline flesh.
SNAKE: Probably for the best. I mean, if Lina _had_ been dead, who was
going to have the job of prying the Crystals out of her body?
"Ha ha... hahahahaha.... HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" laughed Lina,
floating
over the trapped Sailor Moon. "You tried and failed to kill me,
Sheila!" she screamed. "Now you've lost your best chance! I WILL
SNAKE: Has Lina even noticed Athena's existence? It's always, "You tried to
stop me Sheila," or "You tried to kill me, Sheila." Must be a bit annoying for
the Thenster.
ascend and then the universe will be MINE!" With a flash of silver
light, she vanished.
"Oh, Goddess...." Sheila said. "Now what...?"
SNAKE: You cut off Lina's head and stick it in a jar?
"Methinks we better go, before yon natives delay us with questions
it best we not answer," Athena said. Despite the knowledge that Lina
was still pursuing her plan, the Senshi of Ice was relieved Lina was not
dead.
SNAKE: Now back to Sheila's excellent "begging Lina to stop" strategy.
That's sure to be a winner!
"Right." Sheila got out the D-hopper.
Emerald watched from the shadows, more confused than ever, as
Sailor Mercury noticed him and blew him a kiss before she and her
redheaded companion vanished.
SNAKE: Apparently his idea of getting to cover is to stand a few yards away.
I'm not too surprised about the lack of success a fellow in a white shirt with
glowing green eyes is having hiding in the shadows.
"What a night," he said.
Then Mars noticed him. "Hey!"
"And it's not over yet," he groaned.
SNAKE: And on to the next-
A steady thwooping sound suddenly fills up the theater. Startled, Snake
looks around, obviously searching for the source of the noise. This is
revealed, as a large bird swoops out of the darkness. It's coal black with fiery
red eyes. The bird looks similar to a raven, except that it's about four feet long
and has a beak that looks razor sharp.
SNAKE: YIKES!
Jumping to one side (and bruising his ribs on a row of seats) Snake
manages to avoid a dive-bomb attack by the bird. He quickly assumes a
defensive posture, but the bird seems to have lost interest in him.
SNAKE: Not the screen! Not the screen! Serena, get back in here and give
me some help!
With its beak leading the way, the bird is flying back and forth through the
theater screen, leaving gaping rents in the silver material. Using a seat as a
springboard, Snake jumps to try and grab the vandal.
SNAKE: Arrrgh, my hands are burning! My hands! (blowing on his hands)
That stupid bird is hot.
SERENA: (appearing at the edge of the theater) Good MST's help by
encouraging authors and getting new readers to look at the fic! In the name of
humanity, I won't allow you to destroy our viewing pleasure!
The raven screeches once, then circles to attack once more. Before it can
begin to dive, a burst of fire hits it. Instead of burning, the bird disintegrates
to a fine ash.
MARS: And that is how we take care of that.
SNAKE: Thanks for the save. Sorry to have to call you two back here so
quickly.
SERENA: Quickly? We were out talking for hours. I was just telling Raye-
chan it might be time to get back when we heard you screaming.
SNAKE: Let's call it shouting. Time moves strangely here, as if we didn't
know that.
MARS: We're never going to get finished with the screen looking like that.
SNAKE: (smiling) Not to worry.
Drawing his sword from the sheath on his back, Snake presses it against
the torn edges of the holes in the screen. The edges mend seamlessly together,
leaving a more or less intact screen. Placing the flat of the blade between the
palms of his hands, he tosses it up into the air with a spinning motion. The
sword drops smoothly back into its proper place.
SERENA: Show-off.
SNAKE: Only a little. You two got things settled? Ready to get on with it?
SERENA: (glancing at Mars) I think so, but let's keep a lookout for trouble.
That bird was really weird.
*****
Berlin Airspace,
April, 1992
MARS: Berlin? Nice enough city, at least in the twenty-first century. Good
beer.
Lina emerged in the new dimension, hovering in the night air above
a dirty metropolis, and immediately sent out a scan for its Silver
Crystal. Seconds later, they came back a firm negative. Lina scowled,
and began to start the dimensional transit sequence once again...
SNAKE: Guess she's not interested in stopping for any of that beer.
...then paused. Her preciouses were speaking to her. Of the four
of them, three could clearly remember being sundered into smaller
crystals, and then reunited -- just recently, in the case of her latest
precious. Hesitantly, she sent out a scan for the Rainbow Crystals, as
she learned the shards were called.
SNAKE: On the bright side, this explains why Misato didn't have her Crystal.
SERENA: I told you, I'm nothing like her!
The scan came back, sending her into paroxysms of joy. The shards
were there for the taking. Consulting her preciouses confirmed that she
only had to remove them from the bodies of their "carriers" -- which
would, intriguingly, cause them to mutate into hideous demons -- and
then expose them to a sincerely shed tear of the Moon Princess.
And Lina knew just who that was. How hard can it be to get that
crybaby to shed a tear or ten? she thought happily.
MARS: Have her parents ground her.
SNAKE: Insult her.
SERENA: Give her an ice cream sundae so big she cries tears of joy?
However, Sheila and her new girlfriend would probably be arriving
SNAKE: So now Athena has been upgraded from unnoticeable to unnamed
girlfriend.
after her in a few minutes. Tempting as it was to simply unleash her
full power against them, she had a strong feeling that she would need it
all and more when she went after the Silver Crystal of Sheila's
homeworld. An even better reason to create those monsters... it would
slow Sheila down just a bit more...
MARS: That's right, sucker! You better save all the power you can, because
Serenity's going to go cosmic on your ass!
SNAKE: (to Serena) What were you two doing, watching wrestling?
With that thought, she shot away through the skies at supersonic
speeds.
Moments later, Sheila and Athena defolded onto the empty street
below. "Shit!" Sheila cursed as she looked around anxiously. "Pluto
said that after she'd gotten enough crystals in her, the tracker would
become inaccurate, but --"
MARS: (as Sheila) But I thought she was lying as usual.
"Sheila, what are we going to do?!" Athena cried. "We have
attempted to incapacitate her... we have attempted to kill her! Nothing
which we have done has affected her at all!"
SERENA: You could distract her with food.
SNAKE: Considering who we're talking about here, that just might work!
Sheila spread her hands helplessly. "I don't know, Athena. I
honestly have no idea how in the world we're supposed to stop her,
beyond keeping her from getting her hands on more crystals. But... we
have to try." She took a long breath. Inspiration suddenly struck, and
she pointed to the D-hopper. "Did you happen to make a note of the
settings on this thing for that last dimension?"
Athena thought quickly. "I believe that I could call them to
memory, yes."
SNAKE: Athena would be more certain, but she spent so much time staring at
Sheila's butt, it was hard to be sure.
"Okay. SOMETHING about that dimension --"
"Methinks it was that cute male."
SERENA: Cute guy?
SNAKE: If you go for the glowing green look.
Sheila blinked. "I didn't notice any... anyway, SOMETHING back
there affected the Silver Crystal's power. If we get a chance, we might
want to trick her into going back there."
MARS: Finally a little strategic thinking.
SERENA: But it may not be enough.
"That seemeth to me to be a wise plan, IF we get a chance," Athena
nodded. She seemed to look embarrassed then. "I... I fain would
apologize to you for falling apart like that... both here and --"
MARS: As long as you fall apart _after_ and not before, it's fine.
"It's no big deal, I'm THIS close --" Sheila held her finger and
thumb a centimeter apart. "-- to freaking out myself." Impulsively,
she bent down to press her lips between Athena's eyebrows. "It's no big
deal," she said, in a softer tone.
Some of the flirtation returned to Athena's face. "Thy aim, dear
lady, is sadly some few inches above thy proper target --"
SNAKE: She probably needs her glasses.
SERENA: Ooooh, they are kind of cute together.
"Not now, Athena," Sheila said, glad to have her back. "First off,
let's find out where we --" She looked up, and saw a flag that she'd
missed when she'd been looking around for Sheila.
A red flag, with a white circle in the center, on which was placed
an ancient symbol in black. Even if she hadn't been an historian,
Sheila couldn't have failed to recognize that symbol, and all that it
represented.
The swastika.
SNAKE: Let's not panic. The swastika was a symbol of good fortune for
certain Native American tribes.
MARS: I think the Norse used it too.
SERENA: Guys, let's not fool ourselves. This is Berlin after World War II.
Even I get that one.
"Oh, Goddess," she muttered, horrified.
*****
Crystal Tokyo
September, 2980
SERENA: Home! Well, right place and right dimension, anyway.
"Look, I don't CARE about the thaumatological implications of this,
I just want to know what happened to Sheila, ASAP!" Misa von Fogler
yelled, brushing a stray strand of purple-black hair out of her eyes.
SERENA: Sorry, but if you skip back to the beginning of this MST section,
you'll see it takes three paragraphs or so to explain it all. And that's before
everything _else_ that's happened.
MARS: Give her a break. The woman she loves is-
SNAKE: Slowly succumbing to the charms of another woman. I don't believe
that Sheila has even mentioned to Athena that she's involved with someone
else.
The Assistant Dean of Arcane Studies, one Aburatsubo Ayanojou,
gazed back at her with a calm born from lengthy meditation into the
magical arts and from the fact that he wasn't even remotely affected by
her physical charms. "As I was SAYING," he continued, "all our
SNAKE: I think I know this anime. Another one for Davies' list. Wish I
could get ahold of one of those funky wands.
MARS: Anime? And the wands are only for undergraduates. Graduates are
supposed to be able to visualize.
inquiries agree that the ritual Ms. Inverse laid out was intended to
banish herself back to her native dimension, but we cannot say for
certain what caused the interruption in the process or what its affects
were. Necroscopic examination showed that no spiritual remnants of
either Ms. Inverse or Ms. Ten'kai could be found... which given the
state of the room, would tend to indicate that nobody died here."
SNAKE: Yet, anyway.
Looking around, Misa had to agree. Bits of the laboratory floor
were still smoking from the momentary yet intense blaze that had been
kindled by WHATEVER Lina Inverse had attempted, and the walls were
scorched. Periodically, one of the magical investigators examining the
floor would discover a bit of the diagram which had been inscribed
thereon, and call his or her fellows over to discuss its meaning. It
was a slow, painful process.
SERENA: I guess Lina hadn't made that many friends. She doesn't seem to
have told anyone but Sheila that she was heading home.
"And that's all you can say for certain?" Misa asked again.
"Yes. Major Fogler, believe me, I do empathize, but we're doing
the best we can with our resources. When Takeo-chan -- er, the Dean
SNAKE: I wonder if he's actually managed to secure "Takeo-chan's affections
in this reality? Mars?
MARS: How would I know? I don't follow the soap opera that is the Crystal
Tokyo Arcane Studies Department.
gets back from his conference in Britain this evening, he may be able to
determine more." Aburatsubo's face indicated that he doubted his own
words.
SERENA: (to Mars) Couldn't you do a fire reading or something?
MARS: I'm a busy woman. Now yeah, if Sheila had stayed missing for a little
longer while, I'm sure Lita would have gotten me to give it a try.
"Okay," Misa sighed, after a moment of staring at the room.
"Please, call me as soon as you find out ANYTHING..." She then stepped
out of the laboratory, to give the investigators room to operate.
Outside, in the hallway, she clutched the Star of David that hung from
her neck, and whispered a quiet prayer for Sheila.
SNAKE: (as Misa) Oh please, let Sheila not give in to the temptations of a
sexy Mercury lookalike. And it would be nice if she could stop Lina and get
home safety and all that too.
SERENA: Hey, wait a minute! How do they even know Sheila was in the
room?
SNAKE: (to Mars) Admit it, your spies are everywhere.
MARS: Oh give me a break. I'm sure somebody on the deserted top three
floors saw... Um, search me.
That was when her beeper went off.
SERENA: Do we still build them to look like little makeup cases?
*****
Berlin, S.S. Headquarters
April, 1992
SNAKE: Ah, so all is not well in this world.
MARS: An understatement.
Tristan moved swiftly yet deliberately through the chaos that this
morning had wrought. The only sign of any confusion on his part was a
slight amount of muss in his hair, and one of the buttons on his uniform
being only half-done.
In contrast, Andreas was a wreck as he fell into step beside him.
Under any other circumstances, that amount of sheer messiness could have
gotten one dishonorably discharged via a bullet, but today was very
different.
SERENA: You get shot for being messy? I don't think I like this reality very
much.
SNAKE: Me neither. Too bad Tristan and Andreas are two guys.
MARS: Why is that too bad?
SNAKE: Because if they were girls we'd have a little T&A!
SERENA AND MARS: *groan*
"So a signature larger than anything our detectors ever picked up
before this point showed up in downtown Berlin early this morning?"
Tristan asked.
SNAKE: (as Andreas) Yes you idiot! Didn't you listen the first time I told
you? You're acting like I have to recap the plot for some hypothetical
audience or something.
"Right," Andreas gulped.
"Could those energy vampires we've been observing have been the
vanguard for some kind of an invasion?" Tristan wondered aloud.
MARS: So how do they tell the energy vampires from the Nazi leadership?
SNAKE: I don't know, how?
MARS: Simple. On the one hand you have dark parasites feeding off the
human soul. Loathsome creatures who gain power in death and destruction.
The others are servants of Metallia.
"Combined with the other thing --"
"The abduction."
"Abductions," Andreas corrected quietly.
Tristan paused, turning to look at his confederate. "I'd heard
about Josef... who else--"
"Josef is the only one of us who's been taken, but... when I woke
up this morning, I was alone. And I wasn't alone when I went to sleep,
if you take my meaning."
"Erika?" Tristan asked, startled. "That doesn't make any sense --
why would --"
SNAKE: Uh, I know it's a clich� that it's always the guy, but maybe she got up
and left?
SERENA: I bet it was her house.
SNAKE: Well, but still. It's been less than a day. Bit early to declare her
abducted.
"There've been a swath of missing persons reports, Tristan. A
painter for the Reichskulturkammer, the son of IG Farben mid-level
executive -- there's no pattern --"
"No obvious pattern, you mean. Very well, what do we do?"
SNAKE: (as Andreas) We do nothing you fool! Nothing! Mysterious
disappearances can mean only one thing, and it isn't aliens from outer space.
Some sort of power struggle is obviously shaking up among the elite, and we
better keep our mouths shut if we don't want to disappear too! If there is no
pattern, they're doing it merely to spread terror.
*****
Rachel prayed. Clutching her rosary tightly to her, she murmured
the Latin words as though her life depended on them -- an irony in and
of itself, as there was a fairly good chance that she would have been
beaten to death if she'd done this in public. If she'd APPEARED in
public.
MARS: Does she look a little familiar?
So far, none of the other people who were in the small room with
her had taken issue with it, although the young man in the glasses and
the SS uniform periodically glared in her direction when her Latin
prayers caught his ears. The next youngest person in the room was a boy
whom Rachel judged to be about her own age. He was crouching with his
hands over his eyes in the corner across the room from her, muttering,
"It's getting even worse," over and over.
SERENA: I get the feeling none of them really wants to be there.
MARS: I would trust that feeling.
The only one who seemed CALM was a large cat with strangely
greenish fur, who was curled up and seemed to be almost asleep. An old
man was petting its fur, with a strangely resigned expression. Two
young women rounded out the group, and were speaking together in hushed
tones. They had glanced at her novitiate robes and at the SS man and
then stayed as far away from her as possible.
Suddenly the doors at the front of the room opened. The SS
Unterleutenant whipped around to stare at the... person who was there.
SNAKE: Listen up you scum. I'm here to play good cop/bad cop, but the good
cop couldn't make it!
SERENA: If I remember right, these are the Crystal carriers. Only Raye's
grandfather is missing and we have Rachel instead.
Rachel wasn't sure how else to think of her. Whatever that person
was, it wasn't human, so it was probably a mistake to think of it as a
woman, despite the surface similarities. No woman born had eyes of
gleaming crystal.
"All right, now I don't want any --" the person began to say.
MARS: Trouble.
SNAKE: Screaming.
SERENA: Bad advice. (other two look at her) Hey, you two took the good
ones!
The SS man snarled in her direction, and seemed to be concentrating
fiercely. The person turned to look at him with an expression that
seemed to be almost annoyed. 'She' lifted her eyebrows, and he let out
a short gasp of pain, then collapsed.
"Very tough," 'she' said in a brusque manner. "But if you're a
telekinetic wrestler, I'm a telekinetic sumotori!" 'She' laughed, then,
a long cackling laugh.
SNAKE: Being evil is one thing. Trying to conquer all reality is one thing.
But laughing at your own bad jokes? Even Ourranos knew better than that!
Everyone stared. The laughter trailed off. "Sumotori?" she said,
guessing why Rachel, at least, was confused. "You know? Those big
guys? With loin cloths? Dosu-koi?" She blinked. "Oh, wait. This
isn't Japan, is it?"
MARS: Oh, caught that, did she?
SNAKE: In Lina's defense, she may never have even heard of Germany.
I've been abducted by an INSANE sorcerer, Rachel thought numbly,
and continued to pray. The light glinting off the sorcerer's pole arm
kept distracting her, however. It looked VERY sharp.
SNAKE: Now the odd part is, that's the sort of thing people thought about
Lina all the time, even _before_ the whole crystal madness bit.
"What do you want with us?" asked one of the women, who was wearing
a rather revealing nightgown.
SNAKE: Hot! And isn't it sad that in this once proudly hentai fic, this is the
best to come along after a long dry spell.
SERENA: You complain when it is, you complain when it isn't.
"Oh, not much. Just a small crystal that's located in each of your
hearts," the sorcerer answered brightly.
"A... crystal? In our hearts?" the other woman, dressed in a
painter's smock, asked. She had an odd look on her face.
MARS: Was it a "some maniac is about to rip my chest open and pull out my
heart" kind of odd look?
"Yep! This'll just take a few seconds, and --"
"NO!" The shriek came from the boy, who had shoved himself up onto
his feet. The look on his face was so frightened that it made Rachel
stop her invocation for a moment. "You can't -- you don't know what
you're doing! It's... this is... this world is wrong enough! You can't
--"
SNAKE: ....have my Bud Lite! Even if you turn me into a monster.
SERENA: Poor Greg. Still, can't say he didn't see it coming.
"I can, and will," the sorceress said, any trace of a friendly
manner vanishing in an instant. "Don't worry, though... this won't
hurt." She lifted her pole arm. "I think."
And then a bolt of silvery light burst from the pole arm, to strike
into each of their chests simultaneously.
MARS: Show-off.
SNAKE: Yeah, she could have tried just one to make sure she knew what she
was doing.
The final thought that Rachel had before the pain erased all other
sensations was annoyance at having been lied to.
*****
Kani Schmitt had just finished when the cat climbed through the
bathroom window. "Kani! There's trouble!" the cat announced.
SERENA: Ah, good times. Good times.
MARS: Finished what?
"Already?" the short-haired teenager asked. "Don't they normally
wait until after dark?"
SNAKE: Their daytime soap operas were pre-empted today.
Luna shook her head. "I don't think it's them, this time... I have
a terrible feeling that it's something worse."
"Worse how?" Kani asked flatly.
SERENA: Worse spellers?
MARS: Worse dressers?
SNAKE: A higher than average tentacle count?
Luna might have tried clutching her hair in frustration had she had
opposable thumbs. "I don't know! I just sense that this is even more
horrible than the monsters we've been fighting so far!"
SERENA: So this is all another one of Luna's feelings? She hasn't actually
seen anything?
MARS: Reminds me of that time Luna got a hangover and had us running
around all day trying to find who wanted to destroy the world.
"All right," Kani sighed. "I guess I'd better go see about it." A
spasm of guilt for abandoning her mother to the chores passed through
her. "I'll be out in the alley in a few seconds."
SNAKE: I don't get why you can't bring your parents in on this whole senshi
thing.
SERENA: I didn't want to worry them.
SNAKE: I bet now you wish you had told them.
SERENA: Well I'm sure Serenity made sure they knew. Right Raye?
MARS: .....
She slipped out of the bathroom, and just in time, as one of her
younger siblings was just about to start rapping at the door. Holding
her breath, she made her way to the door of the house -- and then out.
SERENA: One of her younger siblings? Neat! I always wished I could have
had another brother or sister besides Sammy. How is Sammy anyway?
MARS: Well... dead. I mean, it has been hundreds of years.
SERENA: Oh. How did he....
MARS: It doesn't matter.
It was oddly anticlimactic for her first successful evasion of
responsibility. She dashed into the alley. "Okay, where do I go from
here?"
MARS: Where do any of us go from 'here'?
SNAKE: Some would say Kani's next step should be a search for greater
spiritual actualization, but I favor a philosophy bringing more immediate
connection with the universe at large.
"Ummm..." Luna temporized.
"Luna, do you mean to tell me that you don't know where this
horrible danger IS?"
SNAKE: And she's absolutely sure it wasn't just a patch of bad catnip?
"Well, I --"
Kani let out yet another sigh. "All right, we'll just have to look
for it, and hope that no one sees me running around like this." She
produced the brooch, raised it above her head, and cried,
"MondprismenMacht, schminke!"
SERENA: Actually, she'd probably have better luck wandering around in
normal form, looking through shops and stuff. Maybe keep out a sharp eye for
any free offers or too good to be true sales. Or just listen for the sound of
screaming. It always worked for me.
Swiftly she was transformed into Matrose Mond, and gathered Luna
into her arms. Matrose Mond leapt up onto the rooftops, and began to
run.
SERENA: Oh, my mistake. This is the "draw attention and get attacked
strategy". That could work.
*****
"I confess that I do not understand... what is it about this place
that you find so repellent?" Athena asked as she watched Sheila peering
out of the alley into which she had hustled both of them a few minutes
before. "Though the decor leaves much to be desired, it doth not seem
THAT much poorer than didst the town of Blut --"
SNAKE: At least Berlin has sunlight.
Sheila held up a hand. "Okay, short version. Roughly half a
century before I was born, there was a major war fought among most of
the nations of the Earth against... well, ONE of the most vile,
inhumane, EVIL regimes to have ever existed in humanity's history." She
SNAKE notices Mars eyeing him.
SNAKE: For once I'd have to say no. Ourranos wasn't so much into
"regimes".
hated to reduce the Nazis to "one of the worst", but her sense of
historical honesty forced her to consider the acts of the Soviet Union
at the same time, to say nothing of the Khmer Rouge and the much later
Second Chinese Republic and the Nodachi Nation... "Anyway, judging from
the technology that I've seen so far... this world is one in which that
regime wasn't crushed in that war... but prospered."
MARS: Odd. I seem to remember Sheila telling me once how difficult it was
to construct a credible "Nazis win" history. Just about everything would have
to go wrong for the Allies.
SERENA: Maybe they got some kind of magical boost or something?
MARS: Maybe. To tell the truth, I'm just as glad not to see Japan in this
reality. We were already doing some pretty horrible things in China during
World War Two. What would have happened if we considered to prosper
under an alliance with the Nazis?
"What was so terrible about it?" Athena asked, concerned. "Didst
they worship the Things from Beyond, or --"
SNAKE: I'm starting to wonder about these "Things from Beyond". Just how
bad are they supposed to be?
Sheila shook her head. "No, theirs was a far more pragmatic
philosophy. It'd surprise me if they have any interest in magic at all.
SNAKE: I wouldn't be so sure. Recall that this is a universe with Silver
Millennium ancestry. Magic would be available if you knew where to look. If
Serena's right, it could explain a lot.
Their ideals were repulsive, but it was how they acted on those ideals
that was --"
"Sheila, thou art being obfuscatory."
She couldn't meet Athena's eyes. "Among other things they did was
to..." She took a deep breath, and described the Holocaust, in brief.
Images from photos and film footage she had seen, both in her youth in
the twenty-first century and in the thirtieth, passed through her mind
as she did.
SNAKE: Well I'm sorry to fail as an MSTer, but I can't think of a single funny
thing to say.
SERENA: Me neither.
MARS: Ditto.
When she was done, Athena stared blankly for a moment. "And they
did not worship the Things from Beyond?" she asked, faintly.
MARS: Would it be better if they did?
"No. Some of them claimed to be following the ancient religious
traditions of their people, but --"
SERENA: Dressing up in funny helmets is not an excuse to go out and kill
people!
"I do not feel well," Athena announced. She walked to the side of
the alley and was noisily sick. Sheila watched sympathetically.
SNAKE: Wow, that Sheila must be a better storyteller than she sounds.
MARS: That's how she gets people to recall so much detail. I'm told classes
she teaches are quite popular.
After a few moments, Athena stood and brushed herself off. She
turned back to look at Sheila. "Excuse me. I... it seems that I had
greatly underestimated the potential of the human race when it comes to
atrocity."
SERENA: Awww, Athena is really pretty innocent isn't she?
SNAKE: Yes, more relaxed sexual practices aren't necessarily an indication of
greater experience in other areas of life. I don't think she's going to take it
well when, you know.
MARS: Find me one person who would "take well" having your home and
civilization utterly destroyed and two former lovers murdering you.
SNAKE: I see your point.
"It's okay," Sheila said, quietly. "You wouldn't be the first."
Athena let out a shuddering breath. "Very well. Quite apart from
the horrors that this world holds, there remains our problem of how to
discover where Lina is, to say nothing of a way to defeat her. What
shall we do?"
MARS: Hey! Athena's the senshi and Sheila's just a historian. I think it's
pretty obvious who should be doing the planning.
"Your computer!" Sheila said, snapping her fingers. "You can set
it to track the energy of the Silver Crystal, right? Well then you
could -- track it over a map of this city... if we had a map of this
city," Sheila trailed off.
"That would be a problem," Athena agreed.
SERENA: If they can get a direction and distance, why can't Athena just
teleport them there like before?
MARS: Making a blind teleport might not have been the best of ideas last
time.
Sheila looked up at the smog-filled skies and sighed heavily. "I
don't --"
A red, white, and blue shape leaped across the mouth of the alley.
SNAKE: Guessing it isn't Captain America.
Sheila blinked, then lunged up the side of the building herself,
clinging to the edge and popping her head over it. The figure was
already quite a ways away, but the cut of her uniform was unmistakable -
- even if the absurdly short ponytails confused her momentarily.
MARS: You keep one hairstyle through two lives and a thousand years and
people think you're married to it.
Sheila looked down at where Athena was staring up. "Come on, I've
figured out how we're going to find where she is. We're following HER!"
"Who?" Athena asked, confused.
"The pretty -- sort-of -- sailor suited warrior of love and justice
-- or what passes for them here -- Sailor Moon, of course."
SERENA: (upset) What does she mean "sort of" pretty!? My hair is fine
short. Look!
She pulls her hair out from where it's tucked behind her back, revealing it
to fall only a little past her shoulders.
MARS: (nervously) It looks fine Serena. No big deal if you get hair cut.
SERENA: _I_ didn't cut it.
Serena directs a sharp glare in Snake's direction.
SNAKE: Oh please. All that hair, tugging, tugging at you skull. Forcing your
head down day in and day out with no respite. Every movement of your neck
a strain to move the hair and then nearly wrenching your neck trying to stop
it. What else could I do?
SERENA: Maybe waited a few days longer?
SNAKE: It had been over two weeks. Much longer and I would like have
been driven mad from the strain.
MARS: Do I want to know what the two of you are talking about?
SERENA: There was this accident with a bodyswitching ray.
SNAKE: Let us never mention it again.
*****
Rachel was in Hell.
MARS: She cursed the ticket screwup and vowed never to take _that_ airline
again.
That was the only conclusion she could come to as the silver light
tore into her. Around her gaped and gibbered creatures from the foulest
pits, those who had formerly been her fellow prisoners.
SNAKE: I guess if you're turned into a monster, you no longer qualify as a
prisoner.
The Unterleutenant had been the first to change, as a red crystal
flew from his chest. Swirling black clouds had surrounded him, then
when they parted, he had changed. He was wearing a form-fitting black
uniform, the jagged lightning-styled SS on his chest. Silver gauntlets
bristling with weapons covered his hands and his face was covered by a
metal mask. Scarlet eyes gleamed maliciously from the mask's slits.
SNAKE: Cool costume.
SERENA: Snake!
SNAKE: Well it is.
The old man had changed second, an orange crystal flying from his
chest. Pink smoke had surrounded him for a moment. When it cleared,
the golden wings of the Reich's >der Adler< had sprouted from his back.
A spiked helmet, the >pikelhaube<, was on his head and a >Feldgrau
Wehrmacht< uniform covered his body. His hands were covered with
boxing
gloves, however. His legs ended in golden eagle talons. He smacked his
fists together.
MARS: Strange. Back then it was terrifying.... but now I can't help but think
he looks a little silly. I mean, boxing gloves?
The young boy, screaming in agony, had succumbed to the sorceress
next. Red smoke had billowed forth from his body as a yellow crystal
SERENA: You would think Greg would be one of the last ones to give in. He
was always so brave and he hated the Negaverse.
MARS: But he was also such a fatalist. And besides, there's no knowing how
much this is like the Greg we knew.
appeared before him. When it cleared, he had become a giant reptilian
monster clad in the armor of a Teutonic Knight. Instead of hands, his
arms ended in wickedly sharp swords and he clanged them together
menacingly.
SNAKE: I think he looks more like a living swiss army knife.
With a shriek, the girl in the paint-smeared smock had surrendered
a green crystal to the insane sorceress. Emerald light had played
around her and then she had sprouted wings, like the old man. Hers,
SERENA: No smoke this time?
MARS: Well much more and it would start looking like a stage magician's
show.
SNAKE: Watch as I transform my lovely assistant into a monster!
however had black feathers, like Wotan's ravens in Wagner's pagan
operas. Her face was one of unearthly beauty, framed by glossy black
hair, but her lips were curled in a cruel smile.
The other girl, the one in the shamefully immodest lingerie, bore
her transformation soundlessly, but the agony showed on her face as a
blue crystal flew from her. Azure light surrounded her, then faded to
reveal her transformed as well. She now wore a riding uniform, complete
with red jacket, white jodhpurs, and shiny black boots. The only
SNAKE: (keeping in hentai role) What, no riding crop? Maybe there's
someone here who needs a little discipline, baby!
inhuman things about her was her light green skin and red and orange
hair. There was a feral cast to her face now, however, her ears
slightly pointed and fangs showing when she smiled.
The fat cat was not ignored. A purple crystal flew from him as a
grey whirlwind closed around him. When it parted, a fierce beast, all
fur and claws and sharp teeth slavered menacingly where the fat cat had
lain.
SNAKE "A fierce beast, all fur and claws and sharp teeth"? And that would
be different from a standard cat, how?
SERENA: Watch it.
MARS: Yeah, some of my best friends are cats.
As terrible as her fellow prisoner's transformations were, Rachel's
suffering was worse, for the silver lightning played over her, stabbing
deep inside her again and again with no results.
MARS: Unfortunately, Lina's philosophy was that if at first you don't succeed,
try with lots more power!
Lina finally lowered her Glaive, letting the lightning fade away.
"Curious," she muttered.
The SS man, or what had been the SS man, began to speak. "I am--"
MARS: Obviously not the brightest bulb in the room to try and attract Lina's
attention.
SNAKE: Considering one of the alternatives is a cat....
SERENA: Quit with the cat putdowns!
SNAKE: So I'm a dog man. Sue me.
Lina, who was muttering to herself, glared at him. "Look, I don't
care WHO you guys are. You're working for me now, so sit down and shut
up!" Her silver eyes glittered menacingly. The SS man backed down
quickly.
MARS: Sadly, I don't think this is greatly different from Lina's non-power
mad method of employing people.
She glared at Rachel. "I don't get it. It worked on these other
morons. How can you resist?"
"Maybe--" began the riding outfit woman.
"SHUT UP!" she screamed. She glared at all the monsters. "You
jerks rate as pond scum to me. IF you make yourself useful, I may let
you live to do whatever it is monsters do."
SNAKE: You could almost forget she has the Crystals.
The monsters slunk back and tried to make themselves unobtrusive.
Even Rachel could sense the power the sorcerer possessed.
SERENA: I don't really think sensing the power Lina possessed would be
much of a problem.
SNAKE: Yes, by that point you would have to be a blind cat not to notice that
Lina is bad news.
MARS: Well now you're doing it on purpose!
After much muttering, Lina turned back to the monsters. "Make
yourself useful, why don't you. Go out and find Sailor Moon."
"Um, who?" the boxer said, cautiously.
"DO I HAVE TO DO EVERYTHING?" the sorcerer screamed. She
waived
her glaive and three images appeared in mid air. Rachel gasped at the
sheer beauty and serenity of the first one, a beautiful blonde woman
wearing a jeweled tiara and wearing a long white gown. The second image
appeared to be of the same woman, except as a young girl in a leotard
and short blue skirt. The last was of the girl again, but in a simple
blouse and dress combination. "HER. ANY MORE QUESTIONS?"
SNAKE: (as Boxer) Yes. We need to know what she looks like, but why the
fashion show?
"N-no," the boxer said.
"Good! Now get going, Groucho."
"My name is--"
"I told you, I. DON'T. CARE. Your names are now... Groucho, Harpo,
Chico, Zeppo, Gummo and... Margaret, OK now SCRAM!"
MARS: The Marx brothers. How oddly appropriate.
SERENA: And the Marx sister Margaret!
The monsters left very hastily.
The sorcerer sighed and looked over at Rachel. "Well, now..." she
said, raising her crystalline hand. The hand slowly changed shape,
becoming a long and sharp blade. "Does it hurt?" she giggled as the
blade entered Rachel's chest.
MARS: I'm guessing yes.
SNAKE: Not necessarily. It isn't like the rainbow crystal is physically a part of
her heart, as though it would show up on an X-ray. Lina's blade could be
some sort of metaphysical extension that can probe around without literally
driving a stake through Rachel's heart.
SERENA: Given the way Lina is giggling.... would you care to bet on that?
SNAKE: You aren't taking my money.
*****
Matrose Mond was not stupid. Inexperienced, perhaps, but she had
grown up in the school of hard knocks. And, in any case, it didn't
really take much to notice two people following you when you are
traveling the rooftop highway.
MARS: She briefly considered that they might be coincidentally going the
same place as her, before remembering she wasn't really going anywhere.
She ducked behind a chimney as a helicopter roared by, its
spotlight sweeping across the rooftops, looking for enemies of the state
or voyeurs... if they were not one in the same thing.
SNAKE: Or possibly searching for energy sucking monsters in order to protect
their citizenry.
SERENA: Kani would know better than we would.
"Kani, what's wrong?" Luna asked.
"Shhh!" Matrose Mond whispered. "We're being followed."
"Do you think that they're the Enemy?"
MARS: (as Kani) Aren't you the one with the evil-sensing powers?
"No, WE are the enemy!" shouted another voice.
SNAKE: My, it's crowded up there today.
Matrose Mond looked up and saw SIX monsters standing before her.
She had never faced more than one at a time. This did not look good.
SERENA: What's really bad is that she probably doesn't have the moon wand
to turn them back to people without hurting them.
"Luna, if I have any escape powers, this would be a good time for
you to tell me," she said.
"RUN!" the cat screamed.
MARS: Saotome Secret Technique.
Matrose Mond tried to do so, but when she turned, the reptilian
Teutonic Knight was already standing before her. She was soon
surrounded on all sides by the monsters.
SERENA: That's impressive teamwork.
MARS: Remember we faced the Seven Shadows individually. I always
wondered why they were supposed to be so dangerous, when they didn't
appear any worse than Beryl's other servants. Maybe their real power wasn't
just in merging into a giant monster, but in their ability to work as a team.
"So, you thought you could hide from us with a simple hair cut?"
the monstrous SS man asked. "Ha! My friend here," he indicated the
Teutonic Knight, "can see the future! How do you escape that?"
SNAKE: Course, he presumably also saw that they weren't going to catch her.
Suddenly, a red missile was thrown into the midst of the circle of
monsters. Everyone looked up in surprise. Perched on a chimney stood a
man in a top hat and tails, his arms crossed over his chest. With the
exception of being perched on a chimney 40 feet above the street, he
looked like a wealthy gentleman on his way to see an opera.
MARS: I have to admit, even after all this time I get a case of the chills seeing
him appear out of nowhere like that.
SERENA: I'll second that!
">Ich bin der Smokingmaske!<" he intoned. "Why do you monsters
insist on disturbing the peace of Berlin's night?"
SNAKE: (as Zeppo) We just stepped out for a quick smoke.
The SS monster was the first to regain his wits and opened his
mouth to challenge the fashionable defender of Berlin, but whatever he
was going to say was drowned by another interruption.
"SHABON SPRAY!"
SERENA: Poor guy, nobody ever lets him get a word in edgewise.
Thick white fog filled the rooftop. Before Matrose Mond could do
anything, she felt someone grab her. She let out a small shriek, but a
hand covered her mouth before she could do anything more. "Come on,
we're getting you out of here!" a voice whispered in her ear. Then,
despite her struggles, her captor carried her effortlessly away.
SNAKE: And yet, if the SS monster did that, they'd call it evil.
MARS: If the SS monster (and isn't that a redundancy) did it, it would be evil.
SNAKE: That's just not the point.
When the fog finally cleared, the Shadows were NOT happy to be
alone on the roof top.
*****
Lina sat back and sighed. Blood dripped down her crystalline hand
SERENA: Good thing you didn't take that bet.
as the knife blade slowly changed back into four fingers and a thumb.
"You are being SO difficult," she said to Rachel.
MARS: Imagine not wanting to become a monster. Some people!
Rachel just lay there, gasping for breath. Her throat felt like it
was on fire. She had screamed until her voice gave out. Her clothes
were cut down the front, shamelessly exposing her bloody chest. But
that was the least of her worries.
SNAKE: Yeah, she can always buy a new shirt, but that bad haircut could take
months to grow in!
"Ave Maria, gratia plena," she whispered. She could still remember
what that crystal blade had felt like, slicing through her flesh.
"Dominus tecum." The wounds had closed immediately, but oh the blood!
"Benedicta tu in mulieribus, et benedictus fructus ventris tui, Iesus."
The horrible staccato feeling of her heart struggling to beat as the
blade pierced it. "Sancta Maria, Mater Dei." The liquid weight of her
blood filling her lungs and then being burned away. "Ora pro nobis
peccatoribus, nunc, et in hora mortis nostrae." And the insane woman
giggling as she defiled her body. "A-amen."
MARS: How much longer can she keep it up? Even grandfather couldn't hold
it off forever.
"Is that some sort of prayer?" Lina asked.
SERENA: That, or she's picked a really strange time to be practicing her
Latin.
"Ave Maria," Rachel began again. "Gratia plena--"
The crystal hand grabbed her throat. "I asked a question, you
know."
"D-dominus... tecum. B-ben... e... dic... ta... tu... in...
mul..." The hand tightened its grip, choking off her air.
SNAKE: That's it, cut off the air to get her to answer your question.
Lina looked closely at the young girl's face as it began to turn
blue. A pretty face, except that she lacked eyebrows for some reason.
Suddenly, recognition dawned on her face. "Oh ho! So THAT'S why." She
dropped Rachel back down.
MARS: What?
SERENA: (to Snake) I don't think Raye gets it.
The young girl gasped for breath, still mumbling her prayers.
"I can help you, you know," Lina said, eyeing the girl. "If you
just let me in, past your defenses, I can get what I want and end this.
Really, all that you're accomplishing is the continuation of your own
suffering.
SNAKE: This is Lina's idea of suave and persuasive.
"A-ave Maria--"
"Again and again with that! You should study more, you know,
because it seems that your spell isn't summoning any help."
MARS: She's still human, isn't she? Seems to me it's working pretty well.
The door to Lina's hastily prepared hideout burst open as she said
that. Lina looked up, in surprise and annoyance. For a moment, Rachel
wondered if her prayers had been answered. On seeing the six Shadows
troop sheepishly in, her hopes died again.
SERENA: Maybe they should try a comedy routine to put her in a better
mood.
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING BACK HERE?" Lina thundered.
The SS monster quailed slightly, but then stiffened his spine.
With a glare at the Teutonic Reptile, who shuffled his feet, he began.
"We met with... resistance and had to make a strategic withdrawal--"
SNAKE: What resistance? One lousy rose and a fog shouldn't be all that
discouraging. And I still say the Teutonic Reptile is a big giant pocket knife.
Lina through up her hands. "Youma! Of all the demons, devils,
monsters, oni, mazoku, and pit fiends in the many hells, I have to get
the most pathetic specimens!"
MARS: With magic, you often get what you pay for.
SERENA: She didn't-
MARS: Exactly.
"We found the one you sought, but she had friends!" the SS monster
said. "A man in a tuxedo and someone else who summoned up a fog to
blind us."
"Damn! Why can't Sheila just go away?! I mean--" Lina stopped as
SNAKE: Again! This is positively insulting to Athena. The fog is Sailor
Mercury, which means Athena. Yet still, still all Lina can think of is Sheila.
Athena is the one who trapped her in crystal! Athena is the one who stuck her
with an ice spear. Sheila hasn't done jack against Lina. But who gets Lina's
attention and who gets ignored? You realize what this means.
SERENA: What?
SNAKE: Lina really does have some kind of thing for Sheila. Guess she was
better at hiding it than Sheila is at detecting.
a thought occurred to her. "Were you followed?"
"Of course not! We were very careful!" the SS monster, whom the
others seemed to have elected spokesman, said.
SERENA: Followed.
MARS: Oh yeah.
"OK, they should be here soon, then," Lina said, smiling.
SNAKE: Notice bad things happen when she smiles?
*****
"JUST LET ME GO!" Matrose Mond screamed.
Sheila sighed and dropped this world's version of her queen on the
hard slate roof. Mond almost immediately began to slide down, but she
scrabbled for a hold. Sheila was unnerved watching her because she
would have expected a wail or tears from her, given how the other Sailor
Moons she had met acted, but this one merely grunted.
SERENA: Gee, I guess she's had it a lot tougher than I did. That, or no fear
of heights.
"Look, I'm sorry," Sheila began, "but it was the quickest way to
get away from those things."
Mond took a deep breath and checked Luna. She studied her captors
MARS: I suppose Sheila grabbed Luna.
carefully, looking for any sign of who they worked for and how much
trouble she was in. Then she and Luna both noticed the VERY familiar
uniform the one with short blue hair was wearing.
> "Matrose Merkur?" Luna asked.
"Nay, I am Senshi Mercury, of the Moon Kingdom," Athena said.
SERENA: Wouldn't Athena's translation ability make it sound like the same
thing to her?
MARS: I think Athena's translation ability has a few bugs.
SNAKE: Shouldn't that be Senshi Mercury, of the Silver Millennium?
"The Moon Kingdom?" Mond asked.
"Look, we don't have time to explain, and you wouldn't understand
if we did. We're chasing someone, a girl with red hair and eyes of
crystal. We THINK she may be responsible for those monsters you just
faced. If we don't stop her--"
MARS: Someone else will! Wait, that's not right.
"Sheila, love, methinks this quest doth wear on thy social skills.
Thou art being quite rude," Athena said.
SERENA: I was just about to say the same thing.
"Athena, we don't have TIME."
"Hold it!" Both of them looked at Mond. "The monsters are
leaving," she said, pointing back over the rooftop at the place they had
just vacated. "If we follow them instead of arguing, we can find their
leader and stop them."
SNAKE: (to Serena) And to think people say you don't have a strategic bone
in your body. That you couldn't plan your way out of a paper bag. That your
tactical skills are so poor-
SERENA: I think I get the point!
Athena and Sheila boggled at her.
"You're taking this very well," Sheila said.
Mond shrugged. "Either I trust you and we defeat this evil, so I
can go home, or you're going to kill me. You could have done that
already. And if you're in league with those monsters, this is still my
best chance to find out where they come from and stop them." She
shrugged fatalistically.
MARS: (to Serena) It's a little depressing to see a version of you acting like
that. That world really is messed up.
Athena and Sheila exchanged glances, surprised at how resigned this
Sailor Moon seemed to be. "Very well, lead on," Sheila said. "You know
this city better than us."
SNAKE: Which isn't saying much.
They bounded off into the night.
SERENA: Tuxedo Mask can disappear pretty fast, but you would think he
would sense Kani was going into even greater danger.
SNAKE: But that would mean allowing a mere male to show some
effectiveness. Not in _this_ fic, Bunny.
*****
Lina brought the Silence Glaive up and spun it around her head.
All the candles she had had the Shadows place lit as she did so. The
Rainbow Crystals were now imbedded in the Glaive and sparkled brightly
in the light. Rachel was now strapped naked to a table, on which Lina
had scrawled a few mystical signs. The young girl, now without her head
covering, was revealed to be quite bald. In fact, no hair grew anywhere
on her body. The Shadows stood around her, shuffling uneasily as she
worked.
MARS: I guess this isn't exactly what the Shadows were expecting out of
reincarnation. Fighting, a mad red-headed mistress, and dark sacrifices, sure.
But... well come to think of it, I guess this is just what they were expecting.
Satisfied, Lina began chanting. The symbols she had inscribed
began to glow with silver light as she did. Rachel began to scream--
SNAKE: How do you begin to scream? Either you are or you aren't.
SERENA: I'll show you. Go ahead and scream.
Snake sucks in a deep breath. Just as his lungs are full, Serena delivers a
sharp blow to his stomach. He exhales in a silent puff, clutching his chest.
SNAKE: (very weak voice) Ah, that's how.
--and one of the few windows in the place blew open, letting in
three defenders of love and justice, sorta.
"Lina!" Sheila cried.
"Mein Gott!" Matrose Mond said.
All Athena said was succinctly put in a blast of icy water that
congealed and hardened into clear ice around the Shadows.
MARS: I concede, Athena does seem to be the most effective so far.
And a symbol flickered into life on Rachel's brow.
"That sign! She's Matrose Mars!" Luna exclaimed.
Mars slaps her head.
SERENA: Snake and I saw it right off. I guess you aren't used to seeing
yourself, especially without eyebrows.
MARS: But that means in this universe... I'm Catholic? I need to lay down.
Sheila wasted no more time. She leapt at the deranged proto-
goddess, cocked back her fist, and punched Lina across the jaw as hard
as she could. She never, EVER, hit a living being that hard. As she
felt Lina's jaw practically disintegrate beneath her blow, becoming a
pulpy mess of flesh, she knew she never wanted to do it again. She
quietly steeled herself to do just that, however, if Lina tried anything
more. A memory of a song Aunt Raye had written about bloody red hands
crossed her mind, then faded.
SNAKE: (to Mars) Well go on then. Strike us up a tune.
MARS: I don't think so.
Luna and Matrose Mond ran over to the poor girl. Luna produced a
red wand from nowhere and gave it to Mond. "Quick, get her to hold this
and say >Marsprismen-Macht, schminke!<"
Matrose Mond did not question. She put the wand into Rachel's
hand. "If you want to help us stop her, say >Marsprismen-Macht,
schminke!<" she said.
SERENA: If you don't want to help us, toss this in my face and give us a
laugh.
Rachel could hardly see, she was in so much pain. Over and over,
she had repeated her prayers, prayers God had not seen fit to answer.
Now, a face, surrounded by a golden halo, was urging her to say
something. An Angel? Slowly, Rachel said the words. ">M-
marsprismenMacht... schminke.<"
MARS: Sometimes I wonder why they were wands when it would have made
more sense to shape them as keys.
Burning fire surrounded her, permeating her body. She felt it
scouring through her body, burning away the pain, filling her with its
power.
Then the fire reached her heart and the agony began again.
Something was wrong. The mystical signs around her flared even brighter
as she writhed in pain. Something did not belong there. The fire
sought to burn it, but it resisted. The agony mounted until finally it
burst out of her, ejected by the fire.
MARS: I have a rainbow crystal in this reality? Why? How?
SNAKE: At a guess, your grandfather wasn't still alive, so it fell to you. Wow.
How is it possible to be both the reincarnation of a senshi and a youma?
An indigo crystal.
"YES!" exulted Lina. Her jaw, which had been a bloody mess of raw
flesh a moment ago, knitted itself back together. The indigo crystal
flew toward her --
SERENA: Sheila keeps saying they don't have time, but it should be obvious
by now that unless they take the time to plan, there's no way they're going to
stop Lina. Violence isn't solving the problem, that's for sure.
And Sheila snatched it out of the air with a desperate expression.
The attraction that it felt towards its brethren, mounted on the silver
blade of the Silence Glaive, made it dig into her palm, and she
suppressed a grimace as she fought to hold it.
The unholy rapture on Lina's face turned instantly to a look of
almost psychotic hatred. "You --" she sputtered.
SNAKE: More fuel for the Sheila obsession. At least there's justification for it
this time.
Sheila didn't waste time trying to assault the mad demigod, but
turned and dove directly at Athena, shrieking "LET'S GO!" at the top of
her lungs.
Athena caught her in a firm grip, while Sheila slammed down the
controls of the D-hopper with her free hand. In an instant, they were
gone.
MARS: Their first real success! Not bad.
Lina howled, and brandished the Silence Glaive. "Sheila you
BITCH!" she screamed. At her words, all candles in the room suddenly
burned with the head of a blowtorch. The walls began to catch fire.
For a moment after that, Lina said nothing, her face dimly lit by
the burning flames in a mask of rage. "All right," she hissed finally.
"TWO can play hide-and-seek." She vanished in a spray of silver light.
Once she was gone, the fires died back down, the mass of ice in the room
damping them.
SERENA: Hide-and-seek? Does this mean Lina is now "it"?
MARS: Maybe.
"Was--?" Mond began.
Matrose Mars was not taking things too calmly, either. "Holy
Father, what has happened? What am I wearing?" she shrieked, looking at
the indecently short red skirt, high heels, and tight leotard that now
covered her body. Her head was tingling. She reached up to feel it and
instead of finding her normally smooth scalp, her fingers encountered a
short buzz cut. Hair. She had hair! "A m-miracle!"
SNAKE: Hair, I have hair! Well now I can give up that silly grudge against
Superman.
Sirens filled the night, coming closer. "The real miracle will be
if we can get out of here," Mond said. "Come on, I'll explain
everything... well, almost everything."
MARS: Well they can sit on Luna till she talks anyway.
The two leapt out into the night.
*****
Tristan and Andreas viewed the chaos. Three entire units of SS had
been called out to handle the... monsters they had found encased in ice.
They seemed safe enough, but refrigeration units had been airlifted in
to make sure they stayed that way.
SNAKE: Next week on Saturday Night Live: Unfrozen Youma Nazi Lawyer!
"I'm just a simple youma. Cars frighten me and I drain the energy of others to
survive."
"Just when you thought things couldn't get any weirder, eh,
Tristan?" Andreas said, his voice dull and leaden. His missing
girlfriend still wore heavily on him.
Tristan merely grunted. He had seen these monsters earlier, when
he had succumbed once again to the strange power that afflicted him.
Was he some kind of werewolf? What kind of werewolf wore a tuxedo?
SERENA: A werewolf with a keen fashion sense, of course.
Still, something had felt... right, when he saved that girl again.
"Hey, Tristan, what do you think is going on?"
"I don't know, Andreas," he finally said. "I don't know."
MARS: He should just wait. It only gets more complicated form there.
*****
SNAKE: At last, headed for the next section. They spent a long time in that
world. We've finally passed the half-way mark on CROSSTIME
ADVENTURES.
SERENA: Say, do either of you hear something strange?
SNAKE: Now that you mention it.... Some kind of a crackling sound. It
seems to be coming from outside the theater.
A dense cloud of smoke drifts over the seats. Instead of dissipating, it
seems to be growing smaller and more solid. With a loud *pop* the smoke
condenses into a shape.
SNAKE: Spread out!
The creature formed from the smoke is hazy and difficult to make out. Its
edges keep shifting. It charges its target without uttering a battlecry.
SNAKE: (dodging to one side) Hot! Leave me alone, you big dumb mass of
carbon residue!
MARS: I can't get a good shot at it.
This time Snake fails to dodge. Instead he ends up laying on his back,
using his feet to keep the creature pinned against the back of a theater chair.
SNAKE: Now would be a good time for someone to do something!
SERENA: I've got it.
Reaching into one of her many pockets, she pulls out a handful of grey
powder and blows it into the creature's face. The smoke-monster frenzies for a
moment, then stops its struggles. Snake seizes the opportunity to release it
and roll away.
SNAKE: (getting to his feet) Now let's take a closer look at this thing.
Before they can do anything, the creature seems to shudder and then
dissolves to ash.
SERENA: That settles it. Someone doesn't want us finishing this MST.
MARS: But who? Why?
SNAKE: I don't know yet, but I'm betting this won't be the last we hear from
whoever it is.
Tokyo, Japan
The not-too-distant past
With a faint sound of displaced air, Athena and Sheila appeared.
They both sank to their knees, clutching each other tightly.
SERENA: (as Sheila) If I get out of this, I swear I'm never leaving my home
dimension again.
"Whoa," Sheila finally said, once she had gotten her breath back
somewhat. Running from an insane goddess-wannabe certainly got the
adrenaline going. Her hands were still shaking. Athena didn't seem
much better off. The Senshi of Ice was shivering in Sheila's arms.
SNAKE: But not from the cold, I trust.
"You OK, Athena?"
"Just let me catch mine breath," Athena said, holding herself close
to Sheila. In truth, Athena just wanted to enjoy one quiet moment with
Sheila holding her. She suspected that if they were successful in their
quest that Pluto would separate them. The idea of such separation
already seemed too horrible to contemplate.
SERENA: I don't get it. What say does Pluto have in it? They weren't
brought together by her power. They came together through dimensions more
than time. It isn't like Susan-chan can just force anyone to do anything at any
time without explaining or getting their cooperation.
MARS: Well actually....
SNAKE: Athena still doesn't realize she's the "other woman".
Sheila, for her part looked around and wondered why the D-hopper
seemed to have a hard-on for alleys. Nine times out of ten, it dumped
you in an alley. Oh, she could see how useful that was to a traveler
trying to be inconspicuous... but the stench and the trash did nothing
to encourage tourism via this method. She wondered what this world was
SNAKE: The creator of the D-hopper thought you could tell a lot about a
civilization from its alleys.
like, but all she could tell was that it was dark out... she hoped that
meant it was night. She couldn't deal with much more strangeness at the
moment.
Her eyelids grew heavy and she found herself yawning. How long had
it been since she had any sleep? Too long, her body was saying. She
looked down at her companion and found that Athena's eyes were closed.
"Hey, wake up," she whispered. "We can't go to sleep--"
The events of the day finally caught up to her and Sheila slept.
MARS: If they've landed in zombie world they'll never wake up again, but oh
well.
*****
Mizuno Ami opened her eyes. Dark shadows surrounded her, their
shapes strange and unfamiliar. Then she began to recognize her bedroom.
It was late, well past midnight, and she wondered what had woken her.
SNAKE: At least she's not moaning Usagi's name.
Then it came again. An insistent beeping from her computer.
Reaching down under her mattress, she pulled it out. Activating it, she
tried to find out what was wrong. If it woke her mother, she didn't
know how she would explain its presence.
SERENA: She could just say it's a video game.
SNAKE: Or she could fess up to her mother about the whole senshi thing. No
wait, I forgot you guys aren't allowed to do that.
MARS: Will you quit with the secret identity cracks?
"Ami-chan?" came a sleepy voice from the foot of the bed. For a
moment, Ami froze, thinking it WAS her mother. But instead she saw a
pair of luminous eyes topped by a crescent moon. It was just Luna.
SERENA: Though some of the time Luna seemed to think she was my mother.
Luna leapt toward the head of the bed and rubbed her head against
Ami's side. "What's wrong, Ami-chan?"
SNAKE: (as Ami) Well for several years now I've felt a growing sense of
social isolation from my peers. While my membership in the Sailor Senshi has
to some extent alleviated this I- Oh, you meant right now.
Ami scanned the display on her computer. "It detected a
dimensional portal, not too far away." That's right, she thought to
herself. Ever since Umino... I've been refining its search program to
watch for the Dark Kingdom's attempts to enter this world. If only they
could be proactive instead of reactive for once, they could stop Beryl
and the Generals before anyone else died.
SERENA: Umino is dead?! Say it isn't so.
MARS: I always kind of thought we could have done better, but after seeing
some of these worlds I'm not so sure.
"It wasn't your fault, Ami-chan," Luna said, sensing her prot�g�'s
thoughts.
SERENA: I thought _I_ was Luna's prot�g�!
SNAKE: Not in this world. Here Queen Serenity never created the office of
Sailor Moon when she reincarnated all of you. So Luna had to make do with
finding the rest of the senshi and depending on them to carry the fight.
"I'm going to call Jupiter and Crystal, Luna," Ami said, picking up
her communicator from her night stand. She stared at it for a moment,
then turned to her guardian. "You know, sometimes I wish you had never
found me and told me I was Sailor Mercury."
MARS: (as Luna) No, I had no possible clue you might ever feel that way.
I wish I could have spared all of you this, Luna thought.
*****
Sheila should have slept the sleep of the dead, but she had been
operating in survival mode too long for that. The sound of voices woke
her instantly and she immediately grabbed the sleeping senshi close to
her. Then, with a mighty spring, she leapt to the roof of one of the
nearby buildings. Athena didn't even stir, she noticed. Maybe she was
really tired, or maybe she felt secure in Sheila's arms--
SNAKE: Sheila's lucky. We all know what Athena likes to do after waking
up. Hmmmm. Perhaps not so lucky after all.
Sheila brushed the thought aside. They had no time for such
things. No matter how she might wish otherwise. She turned her
attention to the people entering the alley. Two of them were very
familiar; Sailors Mercury and Jupiter. The other wore a white uniform
with a red heart over her breast.
SERENA: Molly! But wait, if she's Sailor Crystal, why does she have a heart
on her uniform?
MARS: Why did I get stuck with heels while you got boots? It's one of those
mysteries.
"Not this time," Sheila whispered to herself. She looked down to
the indigo crystal she still clutched in her hand. Lina would be coming
for her and Athena first. She didn't want to risk her Mom and Aunts'
lives... even if they weren't really her family. Her words to Sailor
Pluto echoed in her mind. "It's all my fault," she whispered, "and I'm
going to set it right."
SNAKE: I think Sheila has 'responsibility' tattooed somewhere on her body.
She could stand to take a few lessons from Lina.
MARS: From _Lina_!?
SNAKE: From Naga then.
SERENA: From Naga!?
SNAKE: Forget I said anything.
> Sheila set Athena down on the rooftop and looked at the Senshi of
Ice fondly. After planting a light kiss on her companion's forehead,
the senshidottir bounded away. She was determined to make it easy for
Lina to find her, so they could have this out for once and for all.
SERENA: How does she plan to make herself easy to find?
SNAKE: Maybe she'll strip naked and tightrope walk atop Tokyo Tower.
Then Lina can just follow the crowd.
Behind her, Athena opened her eyes and stared after her friend.
Getting to her feet, she followed, determined not to let her friend risk
her life alone.
SNAKE: So she was faking all along in order to get a little more luvin'. I
knew it!
*****
Queen Beryl was not pleased. She was not pleased with how the
campaign against Earth was going, she was not pleased with how her
underlings were performing and she was definitely not pleased that 'not
pleased' was becoming her most common state of mind.
MARS: Well in that case, perhaps another line of work would suit her better.
There are exciting new opportunities in the field of oral hygienics.
"Tell me again, Zoisite," she said archly, "how you let things get
so out of control."
"My Queen," Kunzite began, stepping forward beside his lover.
SERENA: They were lovers?
SNAKE: You didn't know?
SERENA: We tried to kill each other a few times. We didn't hold a whole lot
of personal conversations.
"I did not ask you, Kunzite!" Beryl thundered. "I want Zoisite to
explain his failure. And it had better be a good explanation, Zoisite,
or Jadeite and Nephrite's fates will seem easy by comparison with
yours."
MARS: I wonder what happened to Nephrite in this reality.
SNAKE: Maybe he and Umino fought to death in a steel cage match?
Zoisite struggled to not reveal his anger to his Queen. The pain
lancing through his still unhealed hand, the one that had been burned to
a blackened claw by the Star Crystal when Osaka Naru had taken it from
him to become Senshi Crystal, focused his mind wonderfully. He directed
all of his rage at those who deserved it, the Sailor Senshi, and humbled
himself before his Queen.
SERENA: Uh-oh. Zoisite seems to know who Senshi Crystal really is.
SNAKE: Maybe she's hiding out at Jupiter's place and not going to school.
Bet she hasn't told her mom about it, leaving Mrs. Osaka free to be taken
hostage.
MARS: That's just idle speculation.
"My Queen, all is not as bad as it appears," he began. "It is true
that the Sailor brats have three Crystals to our two. It is also true
that Tuxedo Kamen has used his two crystals to empower someone to be his
aide, this Tuxedo Staff." Zoisite gestured and the images of their
enemies appeared: Sailor Jupiter, Senshi Crystal in her white mockery of
a General's uniform, Tuxedo Kamen, and the blonde in the top hat, tails,
and fishnet stockings who called herself Tuxedo Staff, her two Rainbow
SERENA: That's me! This is great. I always wanted a chance to work more
closely with Darien. In this reality we got to be partners.
Crystals glittering at the ends of the black staff she bore. In front
of them all was their first foe, the brains of the operation, Sailor
Mercury.
SNAKE: I thought Luna was the brains of the operation.
SERENA: You do like Luna after all, don't you?
SNAKE: Humph. Never even met her, save in memories and your stories.
"A recitation of your failures will not impress me, Zoisite. Give
me a reason to allow you to continue breathing or I will end your
pathetic existence now!"
MARS: (Cat impression) I deserve to live, for my great ass brings pleasure to
the world.
"'Pathetic?'" came a strange voice from the shadows above the
throne. "Yeah, I guess that about sums you all up. Especially you,
Queenie."
SNAKE: And Zoisite is saved from having to explain how "It isn't as bad as it
appears."
The assembled youma gasped at the effrontery of the voice. Zoisite
and Kunzite gathered their powers and fired into the shadows. The light
from their beams of destruction underlit a slim female figure bearing a
polearm. The female's body seemed to be made out of crystal in spots,
especially her glittering eyes. With a wave of her Glaive, Lina sent
the attacks back at the Generals, blowing them off their feet. Then,
almost daintily, Lina floated down in front of Beryl. Seeing their
leaders so easily cowed, the assembled youma slunk back to hide in the
shadows of the cavernous room.
MARS: That's the same thing the Seven Shadows did. They really do think
alike.
"Who dares--!"
"Zip it," Lina ordered with a wave of her crystalline hand.
Immediately Beryl's mouth sealed itself shut with what looked like a
giant zipper. Lina seemed very amused by this. "A bit too literal of
my power, but it works for me. Now, where's the boss of this
operation?"
SNAKE: That's no attitude to take. What Lina meant to say was, "Now,
where's the former boss of this operation, cause I'm in charge now!"
Beryl grabbed her orb of power and directed a mighty blast of power
through it at Lina. The black energy struck the insane proto-goddess...
and then disappeared.
Lina seemed slightly annoyed.
SERENA: Dark energy is the hardest type of energy to get out of your clothes.
"Look, Queen of Flunkies, you're only still alive because I'm not
annoyed enough yet to justify the energy it would take to snuff out your
existence. Note the emphasis on 'yet.' Keep trying and I'll work you
into the budget." With that, Lina reached over and grabbed the front of
Beryl's dress and pulled her close. "Take me to Metallia NOW...
please."
MARS: In a strange way, this is really satisfying.
Beryl looked into the glittering crystalline eyes and, for the
first time in millennia, truly felt fear. Before she could respond,
another voice answered for her.
<I AM HERE.>
SERENA: (trying and failing to sound like Metallia) Where else would I be?
It was silent, speaking only in their minds, yet at the same time
it drowned out all other sounds. It spoke of centuries of pain, blood,
and terror. It was darkness, evil, entropy and violence. It crept into
the dark corners of your soul and spoke to the evil within you.
Lina did not seem impressed.
SNAKE: I'm not either. I'm already on speaking terms with the dark corners
inside me, and I know evil that speaks a little more charismatically than little
miss cloud of darkness. Bet you and I could take it, Serena.
MARS: Are you insane?
SNAKE: Sure Metallia is powerful, but it's also limited and not all that
intelligent. With a little planning and a little luck, it could be locked up in a
magic lamp faster than you can say Aladdin.
MARS: (leaning over and whispering to Serena) Is he just insanely
overconfident or having us on or could you two.....
Serena shrugs.
"Finally," she said. "It's about time you showed up."
<I LIKE NOT YOUR TONE, MORTAL.>
SERENA: That's big talk, considering that Metallia sounds like it learned its
tone at the Magna Khan School of Melodrama.
Lina burst out laughing. She actually bent over, clutching her
sides as she did so. "Boy, you REALLY have no clue, do you?" she asked
finally, when she caught her breath again.
SNAKE: I guess when you have multiple magic rocks, being cocky with the
forces of darkness is just one of the perks.
<WHAT DO YOU WANT HERE?>
"Oh, business at last? Good," Lina said, all traces of humor
fleeing. "I have the power to free you, Metallia."
MARS: Bad idea. Really bad.
<IN RETURN FOR WHAT?>
Lina spun the Glaive around in a circle. "Oh, two small, almost
insignificant things, neither of which will be very important to you."
SNAKE: (as Metallia and doing a considerably better job of it) I'm not giving
you my breasts, small-chest!
<AND THOSE WOULD BE?>
Beryl and her Generals watched in disbelief as their goddess
treated with this upstart as if she were an equal.
SERENA: That's the sort of thing just guaranteed to shake your faith.
"The Silver Crystal... and my good friend Sheila Ten'kai's head on
a platter."
SNAKE: And still no mention of Athena.
*****
Two junior high school students were sitting together, studying.
The boy was thin and short, with dark brown hair and serious eyes. The
girl was Mizuno Ami. They were reading from separate books, but they
were sitting more closely together than was absolutely necessary.
Suddenly, the boy looked up, his eyes glazing over.
"Ryo-kun? What's wrong?" Ami asked.
MARS: (as Ryo) I thought I was having a vision of the future, but no. The
president of the USA has more dignity than that, surely.
Urawa Ryo slowly refocused on the here and now. He was as pale as
a ghost. "Ami-chan... I think you and the others should get to the
Tokyo Tower right now."
SERENA: Because if you fight there, maybe you can fool some people in
thinking you ran all the way to France.
Used to her boyfriend's prophetic sight, Ami reached for her
communicator. "What did you see, Ryo-kun?" she asked as she pushed the
button for Sailor Jupiter.
SNAKE: I saw a great hand, reaching out across the stars....
"The end of the world."
A tremor shakes the theater, shaking the seats and causing Snake (who
had stood up to deliver his line) to fall.
SNAKE: (getting up) What was that?
MARS: Nothing good. For a minute, the whole place seemed to shake.
*****
In another bedroom across town, a handsome college student suddenly
looked up from where he was tutoring a young girl. The girl, whose long
blonde hair was drawn back into two ponytails that fell from two balls
of hair on top of her head, looked up in alarm. "Mamoru-kun?" she
asked.
SERENA: Together this early on. Yes, there are some definite advantages to
this world.
"We have to go, Usagi-chan," Chiba Mamoru said, producing a rose
from his dark green coat. Almost instantly, he transformed into Tuxedo
Kamen.
SNAKE: No silly wands for him.
MARS: He didn't get a communicator either.
Tsukino Usagi nodded and reached into her blouse pocket to produce
two rainbow crystals. She held one in each hand and stretched them as
far apart as she could. "Rainbow Crystal Power!" she said. A black rod
formed connecting the crystals. Usagi felt the power rush through her,
remaking her, forging her on a crystal anvil. Her hair came undone and
fell down in a great golden wave, a top hat appearing on her head. Her
clothing unraveled and reformed into her tuxedo and tights. She spun
about involuntarily and posed, staff in hand.
SERENA: That settles it. Soon as we're done here, I'm going to sew myself a
costume like that and try being Tuxedo Staff.
SNAKE: It ought to prove.... distracting to the bad guys.
Neither she nor Tuxedo Kamen knew how she was capable of
manipulating the Rainbow Crystals in this manner. They assumed that it
was merely a function of the crystals. But after Umino had died at
Zoisite's hands during the search for the Crystals, Usagi knew she could
not remain on the sidelines while Sailor Mercury and the Sailor Senshi
fought against the forces of evil.
MARS: (smiles) You see Serena? You were always a true hero, and it had
nothing to do with you being the reincarnation of anyone.
SNAKE: I'll second that.
SERENA: Awwww. Stop it.
"Ready, Usagi-chan?"
"Ready, Tuxedo Kamen-sama... but, where are we going? What's
wrong?"
"Everything, Usagi-chan... everything."
MARS: That means he doesn't really know.
*****
Clouds began to form, dark and ominous clouds, accompanied by gusts
of wind. The streets of Tokyo emptied quickly as the weather turned
foul. Weathermen protested their innocence, stating over and over that
such a change in the weather pattern was impossible.
SNAKE: New disclaimer: This weather bureau takes no responsibility for
interference in natural weather patterns by the forces of evil. Or the forces of
good.
"She's coming," Sheila said aloud from the top of the Tokyo Tower.
She looked down at the throbbing indigo crystal in her hand. There was
no way that Lina would be able to resist coming for this. Sheila didn't
know how many Crystals Lina thought she needed for her insane plan, but
she was sure that she wouldn't forego this piece.
SERENA: That's half a plan, anyway.
"And what wilt thou do when she comes, hmmm?" asked a familiar
voice.
Sheila spun around to see Athena watching her closely. "Athena, I-
-"
MARS: I was planning on begging her to stop again. Sure it hasn't worked so
far, but sixth time's the charm.
"--sought to leavest me behind, didst thou not?"
"I--"
"Sheila-chan, thou must know that I am not that fragile. We art in
this together, win or lose. Lina already has mine world's Crystal. If
Pluto spoke true, my world will die when Lina tries her insane plan. I
have as much stake in this matter as thou."
SNAKE: Now that's not quite accurate. Pluto said her world _might_ die. It's
still possible that only the universe Lina does the ascension thing in will
actually be destroyed.
"I didn't want you to be hurt," Sheila said, quietly.
Athena stepped forward and hugged the redhead. "Silly. Thou
running off and leaving me safe whilst thou faces peril... that would
hurt me more than thou knowest," she said, her face scant inches away
from Sheila's.
SNAKE; Well I certainly don't know any two people who would ever act like
this.
He glances casually at Serena and Mars. They look upwards and whistle.
Sheila began to tremble. The desire... no, need to kiss those lips
was coursing through her veins. She tried to regain control of herself.
Think of Misa, she thought. Then another thought followed, 'INSTEAD'
NOT 'WITH', STUPID BRAIN!
SNAKE: Hoo-yah! As designated hentai, I must register my unqualified
approval for that line of thought. And I bet Athena wouldn't hate the idea,
either.
Fortunately, her internal debate was soon stopped.
"Well, isn't this cozy. Couldn't you two have found a love motel
somewhere?"
MARS: (as Sheila) We would have, but neither of us actually has any
twentieth century money.
The two of them turned to face Lina, who was floating above them,
barely ten feet away.
SERENA: Have you noticed that _anyone_ can sneak up on Sheila? Except,
apparently, when she's asleep.
"Lina--" Sheila began.
"Spare me the speeches," Lina said. "You have something that
belongs to me. I want it, NOW."
MARS: Interesting property ethics there. If Lina takes something, it belongs
to her. If someone else takes it from her, it still belongs to her. Note that this
is not a new attitude on her part.
"The Silver Crystals do NOT belong to one such as you!" spat
Athena, gathering her powers.
SNAKE: How do you gather- Oh, never mind. (I don't want to get hit in the
stomach again.)
"Oh, goody. I was hoping you'd say something like that. Before
you go any further, let me introduce you to my new ally."
SERENA: I still don't get it. If Lina is so much more powerful than Metallia,
then why use it in the first place? Why not just use her power to finish Sheila
once and for all? She hasn't really been trying up till now.
"MACHINASAI!"
All three of them turned to face Sailor Mercury, Sailor Jupiter,
Senshi Crystal, Tuxedo Kamen, and Tuxedo Staff.
MARS: Where am I? Haven't they found me yet? Am I not even going to get
in on the fight?
SERENA: Don't whine, Raye. It gives you wrinkles.
MARS: I do not whine! (suddenly grins and hugs Serena) Oh I've missed
you.
Sailor Mercury boggled for a moment at the sight of an exact
duplicate of herself, but quickly thrust that aside. "Jupiter, Crystal,
take out the flyer. Tuxedo Kamen, Staff, the redhead. I'll take my
doppelganger." Urawa had told her how many foes to expect, though he
had kept muttering about darkness and evil. ""Sailor Team," she said,
"go!"
SNAKE: So much for checking out the situation first. They haven't even seen
any of these people do anything wrong.
MARS: If they "feel" evil, that's good enough.
SNAKE: What kind of :love" is that? What kind of "justice" is that?
*****
"Hey, waittasec!" Sheila protested as Tuxedo Kamen and Staff
charged her. I didn't know that Endymion had a sister, she thought as
she evaded a thrown rose and Tuxedo Staff's bowler. "Hey! I'm not the
bad guy here!"
"Silence!" Tuxedo Staff said. "Changing the weather from clear
blue skies to icky clouds is unforgivable! Even if God forgives you, I
will not. In the name of the earth, I'll punish you!"
SERENA: I would too stop and listen to her!
SNAKE: (whispering to Mars) We all pretty up our youth in our own minds.
The speech made it all click. For some reason, her Queen, the
future ruler of Crystal Tokyo, was parading around in a magician's stage
assistant's outfit. The concept was so strange that Sheila almost burst
out laughing... and got rapped on the head by a staff for her
inattention.
MARS: I have to admit, not bad. Of course, it would help if you were hitting
the bad guys.
*****
Athena, meanwhile, was evading her opponent's blows with ease.
SNAKE: Once again, Athena demonstrates who the senior partner really is
here. Why is Lina so blind?
"This fight is pointless," she pointed out, hoping to reason with her
double. "We are both Senshi Mercury, why shouldst we fight?"
"Sailor Mercury activated her visor. "Because you're an impostor,
and I'll prove it."
"And if thy scan proves me right, what then?" Athena asked. She
stopped, her attention drawn by a brilliant flash toward Lina and the
two attacking her.
SERENA: (as Ami) Then I'll assume that Windows software I installed is
giving this thing another bug.
Sailor Mercury stopped dead in her tracks, for her visor was
telling her that the person in front of her was Sailor Mercury. "But,
that's not poss--"
Anything further was drowned out by a blast of icy wind and the
wail of millions of souls, crying out in agony.
MARS: Uh, that's all right. I have a pretty fair idea how that conversation
was going to conclude, in any case.
*****
"CRYSTAL POWER STRIKE!"
"SUPREME THUNDER!"
Senshi Crystal and Sailor Jupiter both looked startled as Lina
absorbed their attacks without even flinching. "Puh-lease," Lina said.
"I've grown so far beyond your pathetic little power's it's not even
funny."
SNAKE: Of course, if the attacks had worked, they might have killed a person
who they don't know for sure has done anything wrong. I mean, is tampering
with the weather really punishable by death?
"I'll show you pathetic!" Senshi Crystal screamed. Holding up the
Star Crystal, she summoned forth its power, asking for everything it had
to give. Forged in starlight by Nephrite to find and resonate with the
Silver Crystal, it had led him to his true love, instead. But it still
SERENA: Oh, I hope Nephrite is somehow still alive in that reality.
Especially with Melvin -I mean Umino- dead. I don't want Molly to be left all
alone.
had its original purpose and, as far as it was concerned, Lina WAS the
Silver Crystal.
The Star Crystal flashed brightly and Lina gasped. For one second,
her normal eyes appeared instead of the multi-faceted crystal that had
replaced them. Her human eyes were filled with terror, darting back and
forth, seeking some escape. Then the crystalline facets were back.
MARS: Interesting. It seemed to briefly "unhook" her from the crystals.
"Very... good..." Lina gasped. "But not good enough!" Lina
whirled around, spinning the Silence Glaive above her head, and then
bringing it down in a mighty slash that tore through space and time. A
dark chasm opened in mid-air. Icy winds tore out of it, followed by the
scream of all the souls who died at the end of the Silver Millennium.
Then a horrible blackness billowed forth. Two feral read eyes, each as
large as a city block, gleamed malevolently out.
SNAKE: Now I admit that Ourranos never faced down with Metallia and this
is secondhand.... but it's bad, isn't it?
MARS: Oh yes. The bit about the screaming souls should be a clue. Still
think you could stop that thing?
SNAKE: Yes, but I want at least a month prep time.
<AT LAST! FREE!>
"Oh, shit," Sailor Jupiter said.
"Oh, Lady of Light, preserve us," Athena said.
MARS: Athena can consider this a preview.
"Metallia," Sheila breathed.
"NOOOOOOOOO!" screamed Tuxedo Staff.
SERENA: Why do I have to be the one to go into hysterics?
Everyone else was frozen as their worst nightmare oozed through the
rift. Metallia, the sum of all evil and darkness, the power that had
brought low the Silver Millennium, was back. And they did not have the
Silver Crystal to stop her. The cloudy skies turned pitch black and the
weather turned even colder than before.
SERENA: Without the Silver Crystal, they're... moondust.
SNAKE: In the end it's just a magic rock, Serena. But I fear you're right.
MARS: I can't believe Lina just gave a world to a demon. I ought to go home
and kill her right now.
Athena acted fast. "Excuse me," she said, tapping Senshi Crystal
on the shoulder. Senshi Crystal turned and Athena cold-cocked her right
on the chin. "I think we will have need of this more than thou." She
took the Star Crystal, which was still burning brightly. "I am sorry,"
she said. Then she ran over to Sheila. "Sheila! Get the D-hopper!
NOW!"
"But, we can't just leave--" Sheila protested, as she pulled out
the D-hopper.
"Dost thou want to face Lina AND that?"
SNAKE: And Lina considers Sheila to be the real enemy. The fool.
"But--!"
Lady of Light, please, let us be able to put this right once Lina
is defeated, Athena thought to herself. Then she grabbed the D-hopper
and pushed its button. With a flash, Sheila and Athena went Elsewhere.
SERENA: I hope they can put it right, too.
*****
At the foot of the tower, Urawa Ryo curled up into a ball and began
to cry as Darkness claimed his world. "Ami-chan," he whispered. "It
was fate. Goodbye."
MARS: Now would be an excellent time for a little godly intervention, but I'm
afraid it's not going to come.
SNAKE: Say, if Hosmer and Davies are switching at the line of stars, does
that mean that one of them wrote just that one line about Urawa separate from
everything else?
*****
Inevitable Outcome Studios, Holographic Soundstage #51
Now. When else?
MARS: Could be the day af-
Another tremor shakes the theater, more violent than the one before. It
dies down, but not completely. The ground continues to shift every few
seconds, and cracks appear in the floor.
SNAKE: This is going too far. We have to do something.
SERENA: I don't think my pouch of knock-out powder is going to do the job.
MARS: We can't continue like this.
SNAKE: Just give me a second. I'll think of something.
The floor beneath Snake's feet begins to lump and bulge in a strange way,
as if something were forcing it's way through. Eyes widening, he leaps away
*BOOM*
An enormous gout of flame explodes from the bursting bubble of floor.
SERENA: We were lucky! The layer of old candy and gum covering the
theater floor was able to contain the eruption for a few seconds.
SNAKE: That does it. I'm through taking this. I'm going to lay a ward
around they perimeter of the theater. Not only should it force the ground to
settle, it'll completely isolate us from outside influences.
Drawing his sword, Snake holds it so that the edge beside the point rests
against the ground. He begins to walk out of the theater, dragging the blade
behind him so that it leaves a strange mark on the ground.
MARS: Can you do that? I got impression that you don't have the powers of-
SNAKE: (briefly stopping) I am not what Ourranos was, but I have his
knowledge. And knowledge is power, Raye.
With that he vanishes into the outer darkness.
MARS: So... not evil, huh?
SERENA: I keep him on the straight and narrow. Sit down Raye. He took
over for us for a while, and we can do the same for him.
"Sheila! Get the D-hopper! NOW!"
"But, we can't just leave--" Sheila protested, as she pulled out
the D-hopper.
"Dost thou want to face Lina AND that?"
"But--!"
MARS: I'm getting a feeling of deja vu here.
SERENA: Did we slip back in the script and not notice it?
Athena grabbed the D-hopper and pushed its button. She and Sheila
then visibly winced.
"Annnnnd -- CUT!"
Sheila Ten'kai and Mizuno Ami stepped apart, and took their bows as
applause broke out from the crew. Jeff Hosmer sat in the director's
chair with a satisfied smile as the twentieth take of "Sheila-Athena X-
Time", Part II, Act 4, Scene 7 was printed.
SERENA: Neat! This is where the fic is filmed for our screen.
MARS: So who's filming this scene.
SERENA: Security cameras?
After a few moments, as the congratulatory mood began to die down,
and Tsukino Usagi started agitating to get out of her uncomfortable
"Tuxedo Staff" costume, he lifted his voice. "Okay, people, that's a
SERENA: You mean it isn't comfortable? Aw, now I may never wear it.
wrap for this week -- Chris has already let you know who should show up
for the next act, come Monday. Meanwhile, you all did a great job, and
I'll see you in about a week, for when we shoot the 'Freesia' segment.
Be seeing you!"
MARS: You know, I've been working on this script for a couple of centuries.
The usual priestess heroine saves universe while trying to choose between
multiple suitors. Do you think they might....
SERENA: They'd probably tell you to submit it to the studio.
The director arose, to thunderous applause, and made his way
through the crowds of production workers to the holodeck's exit.
Outside, Jeff's co-director was waiting, still wearing his heavy black
coat despite the warmth of the June afternoon. "Sounds like it went
pretty good," Chris Davies opined.
SERENA: Doesn't he also double as actor in an Eva fic?
Jeff shrugged, modestly. "We'll find out for sure when it actually
gets shown."
MARS: As in right now. Hi Jeff! I'd have to say it's pretty good. As a work
of fiction of course. As something that's actually happening to my friends and
other-dimensional counterparts I'm going to have to hunt you down and hurt
you.
They strolled down the corridor, discussing the implications for
the overall story line posed by the most recent addition. Chris frowned
briefly as he realized that the destruction of "BSS Mercury" meant that
the end he'd planned for one of his segments had been upstaged, but
shrugged. He'd work that out when he came to it.
SERENA: He's going to top the extermination of all life on earth?
MARS: I bet he was planning to have Lina mess things up so that Ourranos
killed us all and conquered the earth.
SERENA: Instead of just killing me.
MARS: Uh, yeah.
"So what is up next? You've been pretty sneaky about it so far,"
Jeff reminded him.
"Well, since we've had a lot of action, I thought it might be a
good idea to put them down somewhere where they can... well, you know,
talk."
SERENA: Yeah! There's been too much action and not enough romance.
Even Snake has been complaining about it and he hates having to be the
hentai guy.
"Talk."
"Discuss the relationship, in other words."
"Uh-huh."
Chris gave a quiet cough. "Yeah."
MARS: Was this some sort of bone of contention between them? Did Hosmer
have to whip Davies' butt two out of three falls to determine how far the
Athena/Sheila relationship would go?
SERENA: Are you asking me?
"Negotiations to use the UF-SM story you thought up fell through,
didn't they?" Jeff asked, trying hard not to smirk.
Chris sagged. "When those guys say, 'Closed universe,' they really
mean it. Even pointing out who I dedicated TA: 2937 to didn't help."
SERENA: I bet there are plenty of other universes with the two of us that
didn't even get asked.
"So, instead of a grim and apocalyptic tale of cloning and psi-
research by multi-stellar corporations, you thought a nice bit of girl
talk would work well," Jeff mused. "Sounds good to me. Of course,
right now, you could be talking about bringing in 'The Oscar Chronicles'
and it'd sound good to me, because I am primed for my vacation! Yes yes
yes, indeed." He did a brief jig.
SERENA: Oscar chronicles?
Mars falls to the ground and shakes a bit (out of sync with the shaking of
the ground).
MARS: Just... don't... ask. Pluto once showed me.... far more than I ever
wanted to even imagine.
Chris sighed. "I still don't see what the big deal is about
spending a week on Togenkyou Island --"
MARS: An island vacation is nothing to sneeze at.
"Ah, Hosumeru-sama," Tendou Nabiki said, standing a short distance
away in the costume she'd worn during the bridal competition in 'Nihao
My Concubine.' "Shall we get moving, then?"
"It's all in the company one keeps," Jeff assured him, and trotted
to catch up to the fetchingly clad financial mastermind.
MARS: Tendou Nabiki. Long time since I heard that name. I don't think I
ever understood that woman.
SERENA: I did, but I promised not to explain.
Chris watched them until they stepped through the gate to
Togenkyou. "And to think that he used to complain that he never got the
girls," he muttered. Shrugging, he turned and headed back to the
holodeck.
MARS: Directors can get all the girls they want.
All the actual props had been taken off the soundstage, leaving
only the holographic mock-up of the tower's observation deck and a few
cameras. The image of Metallia was still glowering in the "sky", which
made Chris rather uncomfortable, even though he knew it wasn't real. "I
think Bandai's Industrial Magic Division may have done too good a job on
that particular effect," he murmured.
SERENA: Poo. Now that I get a better look at it, I don't think that looks like
Metallia at all.
MARS: Yeah, it's no more the real thing than that American movie version of
"Godzilla".
He produced the Universal Remote from his coat pocket, pointed at
"Metallia", and pressed the off switch. Immediately, the hologram
vanished. "Okay, now... where to set this next bit? Cynosure?" A
series of taps produced the image of the crossroads of realities. "Too
grim. Tanelorn?" Another series of taps. "Nnn. Too sedate.
Warriors' bar?" He paused. "No, I don't think exposing either of them
to Guy Gardner would work well. Earhart's is really only for officers
on B5... Cheers might work well... I just don't --"
MARS: They could come here to the theater.
SERENA: Probably not a good idea as long as someone is trying to kill us
here.
FLASH!
After Chris cleared his eyes, resolving as he did to flay and then
fire the idiot who'd set off the flashpan, he turned around to see a
familiar looking red- and blue-haired couple, clutched closely together
as though their lives depended on it. (Which it had, not that Chris
knew this.)
SERENA: But the narrator knows it....
He let out a long, slow sigh. "Okay, you two, very cute. Immature
as all HELL, but very cute."
Sheila lifted her head and looked around with a confused air.
"Well... not an alley, this time," she muttered. Then she realized that
someone was talking to her, and turned to stare at Chris.
MARS: A fairly normal looking fellow, unless he has a third eye or something
that just hasn't been mentioned.
"Now cut it out," Chris continued, not having heard Sheila's
murmured words. "We FINALLY got the last scene right, and we're not
going to re-shoot the last few minutes again because you two have been
doing some improv work and came up with a reason that you'd look
different if you were clutched together like that."
MARS: This whole MST thing is wearing my sense of reality down to a little
nub. I hope Serenity can manage while I go insane for a few years.
SERENA: Try and remember rule number one of the MST.
MARS: What's that?
SERENA: You really should relax.
"Huh?" Sheila asked.
Chris blinked. Why in the world did they seem so disoriented?
Unless... Chris groaned. "All right, okay, enough with making fun of me
-- it was Jeff's idea to have the two of you wind up together, not
mine."
MARS: I don't believe him.
SERENA: Would that face lie?
Sheila stared. Whose idea to have the two of us wind up together?
she thought. What? Who is this strange person?
Athena looked up as well. "Kind sir, I fear thou hast mistaken us
for others whom thou dost know well."
MARS: Yes and no.
Chris nodded impatiently. "Uh huh, very nice accent, Ami-chan, but
it--"
SERENA: Still sounds so pseudo-Shakespearean. What is she, the mighty
Thor?
MARS: It isn't like you to make fun of people.
SERENA: I like Athena fine, but her accent still sounds just a little silly.
And then he paused. No matter how well Ami had studied the archaic
accent Jeff had invented for Athena's dialogue, whenever she spoke in
it, there was always a faint note of hesitation -- which was completely
absent in this woman's voice.
"You're... not Ami, are you?" he said hesitantly.
SERENA: Not in some senses of the question.
Athena and Sheila shook their heads simultaneously.
SERENA: They're just so cute when they do that!
"Um... are the two of you by chance dimensional travelers who have
just come from a dimension where Metallia broke free thanks to--"
The image of Metallia looming against the sky filled Sheila's mind
once more, and she took a step away from Athena, and out of her embrace.
She left them. She left them there to die.
Serena just sighs.
MARS: Like you were any better about trying to be responsible for everything.
SERENA: Maybe once. But since I've been... away, I've learned to change
what I can and learn to live with what I can't change.
And she made me come with her.
Athena stared with wordless pain at Sheila as she backed away from
her.
MARS: Sheila shouldn't have to be here. To have all this on her head. Why
couldn't Pluto have just come and gotten me or something!?
And above their heads, there was a faint glistening in the air.
SERENA: Lina.
"Oh fuck," Chris said conversationally. "Oh, fuckety-fuck-fuck."
He snapped up the Universal Remote, and stabbed a single button on its
surface.
From nowhere, there was a brief bleating alarm. A calm voice
spoke. "Warning. Warning. All gates closing and anti-magic shell
activating in five four three two one. Thank you. Inevitable Outcome
Studios is now sealed against magical entry."
MARS: They're going to be pretty hard up if Lina sneaks in through the
window.
SERENA: She isn't going to think of that.
Athena felt a short stabbing sensation, which passed quickly.
Chris stared up at the glistening in the air... which slowly faded.
He let out a long sigh of pure relief. "Well, best case scenario, she's
trapped in Etherspace -- worst case, she managed to get diverted to some
point in this dimension outside the complex. Either way, you're safe,
ladies."
MARS: This must be some new and odd definition of the word "safe" that I'm
not familiar with.
Sheila blinked. "Huh?" she asked again. "Who the hell are you?
What's going on here?"
Chris opened his mouth to explain who he was... and then remembered
what Sheila had almost done to Sean for having broadcast her life on the
radio. Now, what would she do to the fellow who WROTE the things that he
was broadcasting? Best to be anonymous. "Nobody special," he said.
SERENA: A minute, tops, before he blows it.
There came a tapping on his right shoulder. "Excuse US, Mr. Nobody
Special. Could we have a word?"
Behind him stood three people. Their spokesperson was a tall woman
with short-cropped golden hair -- and a metallic hand and eye-patch to
match. The metallic hand was dangling uselessly at her side, and she
had tapped with her flesh-and-bone one. With her stood a slightly
shorter woman, dressed in a pink dress and a red jacket, carrying a
staff in her right hand. She was frowning, but the tension in her face
suggested that she was more accustomed to smiling. The third was a
heavily robed, blue haired --
MARS: You've apparently done a lot of traveling. Recognize these people?
SERENA: Nope.
<Go ahead,> Lythande sent. <Think it. I'd welcome the excuse.>
-- androgynous person.
<Wimp.>
MARS: Now they're talking to the narrator. Maybe that'll have to be a decade
of insanity.
SERENA: Rule one. Rule one!
Chris swallowed. "Yes?" he asked, stopping himself from saying
'Ladies' at the last moment. "What's the matter?"
"What's the matter?" Rali Antero parodied his words. "We were
working on something when your bloody anti-magic shell went up! It's
RUINED. A little warning would have been appreciated!"
SERENA: I have to think it would be more ruined if Lina ripped the studio
apart.
MARS: (as Lythande) Mind your own business.
SERENA: (alarmed) Who said that!?
"I'm truly sorry," he said, meaning it. "But the situation which
prompted it didn't give me any warning." Curiosity warred with common
sense. "So what were you working on?"
Rali opened her mouth to snap a response, but Aerith Gainsborough
politely cut her off by replying, "That's not really any of your
business, now is it, Mr. Davies?"
SERENA: Under a minute.
Davies? thought Sheila. Why does that name sound familiar?
Lythande's head jerked in Sheila's direction, and the magic wielder
smiled suddenly. "Rali, I think the situation is well in hand, don't
you?"
MARS: Aw, Davies ought to send them out to "negotiate" with Lina, if they're
going to be like that.
"What?" the Guardswoman and Evocator asked, confused by the sudden
shift in her associate's manner. Then she followed Lythande's gaze and
realized who she was staring at -- and smiled the sort of smile that an
uncharitable person might call 'vicious'. "Oh," she said. "Right. I
think we can trust her to deal with --"
"CHRIS DAVIES," they said in unison.
SERENA: (as Davies) That's my name. Don't wear it out. Or use it at all for
that matter.
MARS: Don't talk like him again. It makes me want to tear my ears off.
"Excuse me?" Aerith asked, confused. "Why are you both so --"
"Don't worry about it, lass," Rali said calmly. "One of our
sisters has it well in hand."
Chris Davies?
SERENA: This is Sheila thinking.
"Our?"
"You haven't actually read the script for the FF7 story he has
planned, have you, child?" Lythande asked, not unkindly, as they headed
out of the holodeck.
CHRIS Davies?
"Well, no -- OH NO!" Aerith exclaimed as the implication sank in.
"You can't be serious!"
MARS: Oh, well that settles it. The man is pure evil. I have no idea what
they're talking about, but he must be pure evil.
"What's the matter? I think Tifa's cute too," Rali said, grinning.
CHRIS DAVIES?!?
"But -- but -- aghhhh. I wish I were dead."
"I think you are, actually." Lythande turned to look back to see
that Sheila was energetically strangling Chris. "You're in bad company,
though."
SERENA: Raye, that's just how you greeted Snake!
MARS: Lucky for him you were here to vouch for him.
"YOU!" Sheila hissed. "You're the one who wrote all those damn
stories that that Gaffney person was broadcasting!"
"Aggh... urrrk," Chris agreed.
MARS: Wait a minute.
SERENA: He killed me and Darien.
SNAKE: (voice floating in from out of the darkness) He made me evil!
MARS: He killed you and took my eye.
MARS AND SERENA AND (offscreen) SNAKE: DAVIES MUST DIE!
"It's your fault that everyone in two dimensions knows all about my
life -- particularly my love life!"
"Orrggg... nnnnnnn," Chris noted in passing.
MARS: To be fair, it wasn't exactly a state secret in our dimension either.
"I oughta --"
"Sheila, please!" Athena interrupted. "Have we not seen enough
death this day?" She was genuinely frightened that Sheila's hands would
be as covered in blood as she felt her own were.
SERENA: She wouldn't actually kill him, would she?
MARS: You've seen how strong Sheila is. If she wanted to kill him, his head
would already be nothing but jam. She's just taking out a little frustration.
Sheila grimaced... then reluctantly let the struggling, purple-
faced writer drop to the ground. Over the sound of Chris taking large
gulps of oxygen, she turned to look at Athena. "So what is that thing
that you grabbed from... whoever the hell that was in that weird world?"
she asked, trying hard to keep the bitterness out of her voice. I
promised that I wouldn't sacrifice others for my mission. I SWORE. And
she's made me break my oath...
SERENA: I wouldn't say she sacrificed them. More like she failed to save
them.
MARS: I doubt she can tell the difference.
"I know not," Athena said slowly, "but when 'twas pointed at the
sorceress' form, I did perceive a momentary difference in her eyes --
for a fragment of a moment, they were HUMAN, once more. And I thought
that... it might be useful if it were in our hands."
MARS: There are times when I could almost forget she's not our Amy. That
woman is always thinking.
Sheila considered this, and slowly, tensely nodded. "I see your
point. Okay. But --"
Chris shakily pulled himself to his feet. "Is it safe to assume
that you're not going to kill me?"
SERENA: That's it, draw their attention.
"I haven't decided yet," Sheila snarled.
Athena quickly stepped between Sheila and the strange man -- the
strangely REPELLENT man -- and began to speak in calming tones. "Thou
art the one who hast written tales of my Sheila-chan?"
Chris nodded.
MARS: And yet he admits it.
NOW Athena frowned. "Art thou also the one who hast written tales
of ME?"
Chris shook his head rapidly. "No, no! That's all Hosmer's and
Biles' doing --"
SERENA: Now that's something to take credit for. Honestly, Athena is kind
of cool.
"Gaffney did mention those names also..."
"-- um... unless you count the adventure you're on now. I kind
of... co-write that."
SERENA: I feel another dose of reality erosion coming on. Raye, you might
want to have a lie down.
Athena stared, clearly not understanding. "The... adventure upon
which we are embarked? Thou art... writing it already?"
"Filming, actually. We just got the most recent bit -- uh, I mean
the universe you just visited, in the can before you showed up."
SERENA: At least they haven't filmed anything Athena hasn't yet done.
"Wait a minute," Sheila interjected. "How the hell can you be
writing stories about us that we haven't even had yet?"
MARS: Oh I see, Sheila thought he was just hearing about her from
somewhere and writing that down. She didn't realize he was making up the
stories. (pause) I don't think _I_ realize it.
Chris shrugged and grinned nervously. "Why are you asking me, for
Heaven's sake? I'm just --"
A dreadful possibility occurred to Athena. "Art thou a god?" she
asked in a whisper.
SNAKE: (voice floating in from offstage to fulfill hentai role) If he said yes,
do you think he could bag either one of them?
MARS: Not Sheila, unless he took a trip to the Nyannichuan.
SNAKE: (sounding a bit closer) If two guys went to the Nyannichuan and
then had sex when both were women, what sexual orientation would they be?
That one always puzzled me.
MARS: Lets. Just get. Back to the fic.
He gave the question serious thought. "I don't think so," he said
at last. "If I were a god, I think I'd be carrying a lot less extra
weight and quite a bit more cash. Seriously -- uh, can I call you
Sheila?"
SERENA: So maybe he's the god of snappy answers.
"No."
"Ten'kai-sama, you've read Heinlein, right?"
MARS: An obscure American author who died decades before she was born?
Well of course!
She shrugged. "I loved the film of 'The Moon is a Harsh Mistress'
when it came out in 2006. I've read a bit of his other works --"
"How about 'The Number of the Beast'? In that one, he basically
suggests that anything that's been conceived and believed in by a large
number of people is REAL, somewhere. So, I did create you --"
"He IS a god. Sheila, thou didst try to strangle a god."
MARS: (worried) Serena, I'm sorry but I need reassurance. Do you think
we're real?
SERENA: Do think Davies is writing this right now?
MARS: Somehow I don't.
SERENA: There you go, proof of our independent existence.
"-- but it was other people who made you REAL. Other people who
read the stories I wrote."
"Stories about my breaking my heart over... people. Stories about
my losing my parents. Stories about my watching my mom -- thanks
heaps," Sheila replied, her voice bitter and angry.
SNAKE: (from out of the theater but quite near) At least he didn't make your
metaphysical progenitor a cartoonish supervillain!
MARS: (shouting back) Snake, she can't hear you! It's just a fic. (to Serena)
Some people can't seem to distinguish reality.
Chris considered moving out of range, then realized that since she
could run at 200 kph, he'd have to get a fair amount of distance before
that happened. Instead, he shrugged helplessly, and said, "I'm sorry."
MARS: He certainly is. Sorry in the slang sense of "not that great" I mean.
SERENA: Aw Raye, give the poor guy a break.
Sheila shook her head. "It's too late for apologies. Just tell me
what happens next in THIS adventure."
Chris sadly shook his head. "I can't."
SERENA: Sheila ought to let Athena do the questioning. I'm sure she could
get just about any guy to talk.
"Don't give me that," Sheila growled. "You're not Pluto, you can--
"
"No, you don't understand. I'm not using 'can't' for 'could but
won't'. I CANNOT tell you what happens next, because the next section
is supposed to be written by my co-writer, and he's on vacation for the
rest of the week. So all I can really do is offer the two of you a
chance to rest."
MARS: I'm sure he could tell them at least vaguely what he's got planned.
SERENA: I bet he does, but off-camera. Wouldn't want to spoil the story for
readers.
"Rest?" Athena snapped. "We shouldst rest whilst Lina is out among
the universes hunting Crystals and --"
MARS: -and chewing gum. Cause Lina's all out of gum.
"Whoa... calm down. First of all, in neither of the last two
universes you visited did Lina get a Silver Crystal -- in both cases, it
was still in pieces. Two, even if she managed to get all the Rainbow
Crystals from the universe you two just visited, it's gonna be hard to
get a tear from the Moon Princess to put them together, considering that
she was probably one of the first to die when Metallia started eating
the world." They both flinched at that, and Chris wished he hadn't been
so blunt, but his throat still hurt.
SERENA: So a tear from just any Moon Princess couldn't do it? It has to be
the Moon Princess from the right world?
MARS: I don't know. This is all way beyond me.
SERENA: What about one of my tears? Technically I'm not really the Moon
Princess anymore, I'm just Usagi Serena Tsukino. Do you think a just-Serena
tear would work?
MARS: Don't ask me, ask Davies why don't you. He's the one telling that
story.
> "Third, you should realize that you're probably giving Lina credit
for having more power than she possesses. There's a price for using the
Silver Crystal, you know -- and she's paying it. The other Crystals are
fueling her, and so is the power she stole from Ms. Tomoe-Gaffney, but
she's burning the candle at both ends. All this hopping around through
the dimensions, unleashing the Seven Shadows, letting Metallia loose for
the love of God -- unless she gets some more power real soon now, she'll
never make it back to Sheila's home universe in time to --"
MARS: To what? To do what?!
SERENA: Calm down. Remember, from your point of view this is all over.
The fact that hands were once more gripping his throat was Chris'
first clue that he might have given too much plot exposition. "WHAT?"
Sheila hissed.
"Arr... hhhhhhh," Chris opined.
"Sheila, methinks he cannot explain if thou dost not permit him to
breathe."
MARS: I think Athena is the first one so far to figure that out.
After a moment, Chris continued, warily. "Lina's going to try and
Ascend on my -- er, your Earth, Sheila, because it's EASIER for a
sufficiently powerful mortal to become a divine being there than it is
anywhere else in the multiverse."
SNAKE: (walking into the theater) Isn't that the truth. Sometimes a powerful
being will just sneeze too hard and bammo, divine before they can think to
stop it.
MARS: Are you finished already?
SNAKE: Done and done. You may have noticed the floor has stopped
shaking. I defy Metallia itself to break in. Well I'd defy if I could do it from
somewhere far away so nothing too horrible would happen to me if Metallia
did manage to break in.
"If it's soooo easy, why will that blow up the planet?" Sheila
snapped.
SERENA: Oh, it's just the planet? I mean, not that that isn't bad, but Pluto
made it sound like the entire universe was going to go.
SNAKE: So? What does Pluto know.
"Because the way she's chosen to do it will involve consuming the
essence of your world's magical energy --"
"The Silver Crystal," Sheila sighed. "It always comes back to
that, doesn't it?"
MARS: Not always. Once it was the golden crystal. And then there was the
Holy Grail. I haven't seen that in a long time...
SERENA: Oh I can still summo- Ah, never mind.
"They don't call it the Key to the Universe because it's an idol
singer who thinks she's a robot."
"Huh?"
MARS: Davies is enjoying this way too much.
"Nevermind. And the last reason that you should rest is that the
two of you are ALSO running on empty. You collapsed when you were in
that last world, remember? You're going to need every bit of energy you
have in the final battle, and right now every bit you have isn't a lot."
SNAKE: The man speaks sense.
Sheila frowned. What he was saying was true, but --
"Look at it from another perspective. She can't get you here. And
there's nothing she wants here, other than the two of you, anyway --"
SERENA: That's not right. Sheila still has the indigo rainbow crystal. Lina
seemed to want it pretty badly before.
Athena stepped forward. "Not even another Silver Crystal?"
Chris opened his mouth to explain.
His mouth was still hanging open a minute later when the alarms
began to sing. "Warning. Warning. Severe seismic disturbance."
SNAKE: Something we don't have to worry about anymore. Thanks to me!
SERENA: If your head gets any bigger, it'll be blocking the screen.
"What's happening?" Sheila demanded.
Chris tapped out a certain code on the Universal Remote, and the
Holodeck began to project the images of what was going on outside the
complex.
SERENA: I want a universal remote.
SNAKE: (materializes one) Here you go. Of course, without a Studio to
control...
Lina, looking as though she was completely wigged out, was hovering
a few hundred yards from the holographic camera (which, Chris knew was
mounted on the main gate), and projecting blasts of starbright force
through the Silence Glaive into the ground. Her mouth was also moving,
but no sound was coming out.
"How can this be?" Athena gasped. "Are we scrying her presence?"
MARS: If this were Athena's universe's version of me, I bet she'd understand.
I hear I'm quite the technology buff there.
"Something like that, probably," Sheila replied. "Can you get an
audio feed?"
Chris obediently used the Universal Remote, and the booming noise
of the explosive blasts came through quite clearly, as did the sound of
Lina's screeching voice. "GIVE IT TO ME! I KNOW THAT IT IS IN
THERE!
I FELT IT, EVEN THOUGH I CAN'T FEEL IT ANYMORE! GIVE ME
MY PRECIOUS!"
SNAKE: If they can stall her long enough, maybe they could get her to
exhaust most of her energy there.
"Thou DOST have a Silver Crystal here, dost thou not?" Athena
accused.
MARS: (as Davies) Well yes, but we only use it for repairing damage to the
Studio. And occasionally to warp reality and erase our bar tabs.
"Well, Usagi-chan does --"
"IF I DON'T GET IT NOW, I WILL TEAR APART YOUR SUN!"
SERENA: I'll huff and puff and blow your house down. This whole adventure
could be seen as a twisted three little pigs metaphor.
"And that's the other side of her being low on power, isn't it?"
Sheila snapped. "She'll do anything to get more."
"Well, yes..."
SNAKE: Do they really need him to confirm that?
"So what are/art you/thou gonna/going to do about it?" they said in
rough stereo.
"Me?" Chris squawked. "This is not my job! I'm not the wandering
interdimensional problem solver here!"
MARS: Besides, if this turns into an authorial self-insert where he comes
down and solves all their problems, his rep will be ruined.
"I'M WAITING!"
"You certainly manage to come up with enough weird problems for me
to deal with!" Sheila sneered.
Chris glared down at her. "Would you rather go through life
without any challenge at all? Would you rather get through everything
without any danger? Would you rather be BORED?!"
SERENA: (as Sheila) Tell you what. Let's swap for about ten years and I'll
write your life. Then you can tell me if you'd rather be bored. I'll have to start
off by killing three-quarters of the people you care about, so I'm going to need
a list.
Sheila opened her mouth to snap back an affirmative.
And couldn't.
SNAKE: She should go ahead and lie then. If she makes him feel guilty,
maybe she can get Faithful Companion (TM).
"AHEM!"
She was the daughter of Sailor Senshi. Though she had never been
called on to serve as one herself, she knew... deep in her heart, she
knew that if she ever was, she would gladly take up that burden.
MARS: Lita would be so proud. Erica and Michelle too, for that matter.
SERENA: You know, being a senshi wasn't all doom and gloom. Sometimes
it was kind of fun too.
"Sheila?" Athena whispered beside her.
"Okay," the red-haired daughter of Uranus and Neptune said at last.
"Okay, then. What would you SUGGEST that we do? You know what you
have available better than we do --"
SNAKE: And still Athena.... ah, forget it.
"Right. Here's a plan."
*****
"Um... are you really sure that this is a good idea?" Tsukino Usagi
asked as costuming got her into the full gown -- slightly damaged --
that she'd worn in "Celebration".
SERENA: So that's the girl who plays me? I guess she's okay. The dress
looks like the one I wore at my wedding. I still had it- well I guess Serenity
still has it now unless she's tossed it. She probably tossed my manga
collection, which annoys me even if I didn't read so much once I grew up and-
MARS: Serena, you're babbling.
SERENA: Sorry.
"Don't talk to me, it's her plan," Chris lied calmly as he gestured
towards Sheila.
SNAKE: The ceremonial passing of the buck.
"But..."
"Usagi-chan, it's really simple," Sheila reassured her. "You
simply go out there, give your lines, and hold the fake Silver Crystal
up for her to take. When she complains that she can't reach it, toss it
to her--and she'll be in such a hurry to absorb it into herself that she
won't even notice that it's not a real Silver Crystal -- and the magic
aura that it has will keep her from realizing it."
MARS: Unless she does realize, in which case you're dead.
"But..."
"Is something the matter?" Athena asked, feeling strangely fond of
this uncertain young girl who reminded her of her princess.
"Um... is this really the best plan that you could come up with?"
Usagi asked hesitantly.
SERENA: The best that didn't involve getting the Studio sun ripped apart, I'd
guess.
They all nodded.
"...okay, then."
Makeup applied the indications of tears to Usagi's face, and pasted
a golden moon to her forehead. Then she was marched to the front door,
and gently sent out.
SERENA: Hmmm.
SNAKE: Don't even think about it. You are _not_ going to masquerade as
Serenity. The moon would keep falling off.
"Aaaaaaah," Lina hissed. "So you've come out at last. Good...
very good..."
MARS: (as Lina) Being that I'm evil... very evil.
Usagi drew a deep breath. "You have come for the Silver Crystal?"
She produced it. "Here! Take it! I never wish to lay eyes on it
again. It could not save my beloved Mamo-chan without --"
"I don't care! I can't reach it through this damned force field!
Throw it to me, or I'll --"
MARS: Hook.
SNAKE: Line.
SERENA: Sinker.
Usagi wound up, and tossed the Crystal through the anti-magic shell
surrounding the complex. Lina caught it with ease, lifted it up to her
mouth, and swallowed it.
SERENA: These unique crystals will keep your breath wintery fresh all day
long.
"Ah, yes... the wonderful taste of power," Lina murmured through
rapidly crystallizing lips. "Now to track down that damn Sheila!"
SNAKE: And Athena!
And with that, she vanished.
MARS: Her tracking powers appear to be somewhat limited.
Usagi walked back to the complex, her head lowered. Inside the
door, everyone was all smiles. "Great job, Usagi-chan!" Chris enthused.
"And you said it wouldn't work," he added in Sheila's direction.
SNAKE: (as Sheila) I said I sensed complete and utter disaster coming. Not
that it wouldn't work.
"Um... Dabeesu-sensei?" Usagi asked, hesitantly.
"Yes?"
"I... I would have brought it up before, but I didn't want to ruin
your plan... that wasn't the fake Silver Crystal I was given by props
when I started working here."
SERENA: No way is that any version of me. I admit I can be a little careless
sometimes, but I'm not stupid!
Chris turned oddly pale. Sheila didn't notice. "So? You got
another one, right?"
Usagi shook her head.
"Thou art not saying that that was --" Athena began, aghast.
"The real Silver Crystal," Usagi finished, miserably. "I'm sorry."
MARS: I have to think she could have mentioned it earlier. That, or they
didn't clearly explain the plan to her.
SNAKE: The only way this works is if we assume Davies is at fault.
MARS: Oh well, that's all right then.
"What happened to the fake?" Chris shouted, panicked.
"Yuffie stole it this morning... she thought it was Materia..."
SERENA: More names I don't know.
It was at that point that the aforementioned Materia Hunter (read
kleptomaniac) wandered through the entrance passage with a suspiciously
bulging pack strapped to her back. She paused as she noticed that Chris
was staring at her with something akin to psychotic fury on his face.
"Anooooo," she said, "is something the matter?"
"OSHIOKI DA!" Chris shrieked, and began chasing her with the clear
intent to main, judging by the size of the battle-axe he was carrying.
SNAKE: And thus ends another authorial cameo. Let us all say a prayer of
thanks.
> Sheila sighed. Well, she won this round. But we've denied her two
Crystals... sort of.
How many can she NEED, anyway?
MARS: I'd say Sheila is running out of time
*****
HyperTokyo, Japan
2095
MARS: Not one of ours.
SERENA: I've never heard of it either.
Kadokawa Misa took a deep breath and tried not to yawn. It was a
slow night at the underground headquarters of the Magical Girl Corps.
For once, the youma seemed to be content to skulk in the shadows, rather
than draining the energy of HyperTokyo's inhabitants and producing huge
amounts of property damage.
SNAKE: On the other hand, the youma tended to keep the number of muggers
and other street criminals to record lows, even for Tokyo.
Not that the local magical girl team didn't cause its share of the
latter.
MARS: Well maybe they need to call the Magical Girl Hunters.
Sees the other two giving her strange looks.
MARS: Hah-hah. Just making a joke. It isn't like there are any such people.
SERENA: (exchanging a glance with Snake) Well of course not.
She ran a hand through her short green hair. The Exquisite
Soldiers did try their best... and they did have a large number of
successes under their belt. But the BILLS associated with those
successes!
MARS: That's what government funding is for.
Still, tonight looked to be a quiet peaceful night. Time to get
caught up on some of the never-ending paperwork that always threatened
to swamp her in-box. It was easier back in her days as Starlight Ranger
Pegasus. There were times she missed the excitement of those days.
With a sigh, she took a sip of her coffee
SNAKE: To quote a certain dark-coated gentleman, "Would you rather be
bored?" Well, I think Misa is about to find out.
"Sound the alarm and summon your Chief," a voice said suddenly from
behind her.
Misa's half-swallowed coffee spewed out over her desk as she spun
around in shock. A moment before she had been alone in her office!
MARS: Reminds me of Pluto.
That was no longer the case. A sailor-suited figure now stood
behind her. If her black-and-white outfit and long green hair weren't
enough of a reminder, the long garnet-topped staff she bore made her
identity quite clear: Sailor Pluto.
MARS: I swear I WAS NOT READING AHEAD! I thought that was Lina.
"What...?" Misa began.
"We are about to have two guests. Mars should be here to greet
them. We do not have much time," Pluto interrupted. Her violet-red
eyes bored into Misa's brown ones, and the MGC's second-in-command
found
herself obeying without any more second thoughts.
SNAKE: People shouldn't let her intimidate them like that.
MARS: That's easy for the man with the memories of an evil god to say.
As alarms began to ring, Misa turned back to ask her mysterious
guest what was going on, but Pluto was already gone.
SERENA: If that's our Pluto (and it's hard to tell sometimes) she's gotten even
worse since I... left.
MARS: Yes, I remember the days when she'd stand and totally ignore our
protests for fully minutes at a time.
*****
It was still another alley, Sheila thought wearily. Even with
Davies helping them, they couldn't seem to avoid them. Still, for once,
they might have the drop on Lina... IF the information they had received
was correct.
MARS: To recall a quote. "Would that face lie?"
Beside her, Athena kept looking at her scarlet-haired companion in
despair. Sheila was barely talking to her any more than she had to.
SNAKE: Surely Sheila isn't still upset about that whole "world eaten by a
demon" thing. That was _hours_ ago.
SERENA: I think Athena is misinterpreting Sheila's disgust with herself as
disgust for her.
MARS: I think you're right.
The Senshi of Ice looked down at her hands and wondered if her
white gloves should be red with all the blood on them. Before this
adventure she had killed monsters, but never humans. Now she had used
her powers with lethal force on a human being and ran while a world was
devoured by evil. She had sworn oaths to defend a world against the
forces of Darkness, but she had abandoned another to just that fate.
SERENA: Well they didn't actually _see_ Metallia kill anyone. Maybe some
great hero showed up seconds after they left and did away with it.
MARS: That's not positive thinking. It's wishful thinking.
SNAKE: Let's just agree that Athena is being consumed by guilt in an
annoyingly heroic fashion and leave it at that.
Sheila is right to ignore me, she thought bitterly. I dost not
deserve to be loved by anyone, not Zoisite nor Sheila.
For her part, Sheila wasn't paying much attention to her companion.
She was thinking instead of their foe. Lina now had five Silver
Crystals and each one was stealing away a bit more of her humanity. It
was hard to tell, but it had looked like slightly over half of the mad
sorceress's body had been converted to crystal. Did that mean Lina only
needed less than five more to ascend to goddesshood? And how many
would
she and Athena have to deny her?
SNAKE: And down how many roads must a man walk? (pause) Sorry, I
thought we were bring philosophical.
One things for certain, she thought, Lina's not going to bother
with any more Rainbow Crystal nonsense. She pulled out the indigo
crystal she had captured in Berlin. Both of our victories, she thought,
took place where 'some assembly required' was the rule.
Her stomach churned as she saw again the dark cloud that was
Metallia blot out a world not terribly unlike the one she had been born
in. If that had been a victory, she would rather lose.
MARS: Yes, I think we got that. Poor Sheila. I know she's a grown woman,
but sometimes I can't help but think of her as my little niece. I mean, I
changed her diapers!
"Ten'kai-san? Athena-san?" came a very familiar voice. The two
dimensional travelers looked up to see Sailor Pluto standing at the
mouth of the alley.
SERENA: Pluto doesn't actually come _inside_ alleys if she can help it.
"Pluto? What are you doing here?" Sheila asked.
"I've been expecting you. Come, we don't have much time before
your friend arrives and there is a great deal we must do."
SNAKE: I don't suppose Sheila actually expected a real answer to her
question.
MARS: She's an intelligent woman.
*****
Lina Inverse appeared over HyperTokyo in a flash of silver light.
A steady stream of curses fell almost unnoticed from her crystalline
lips. It seemed that Sheila and that Sailor Mercury had dropped off the
face of the multiverse, despite her best attempts to find them. To make
matters worse, that BITCH Metallia had reneged on their deal! All that
energy... WASTED! Once she became a goodess, she was going back to
that
SERENA: Once she became a "goodess"? Not likely if she keeps acting so
evil.
MARS: It was just a typo. But Lina should have known better than to trust a
demon. She didn't even get a written contract.
world and would show that skanky piece of negative karma a thing or two!
But first, she had to collect more Silver Crystals. Already the
law of diminishing returns was affecting her. Each new crystal gave her
less of a 'boost' than the previous one. Her all too mortal spirit
simply didn't have much more to give and all of her precious crystals
exacted a price.
SNAKE: Each hit takes more to give less. Unfortunately, Lina may get her
chance to beat the system before she burns out.
Still, she didn't need many more. She was past the halfway mark.
It would only take four or five more Crystals for her to reach her goal.
Looking around, she was amused to see she was over Tokyo AGAIN. With
the exception of that weird city with the Seven Shadows, she always
seemed to end up here. Reaching out with her senses, she sought Crystal
number six... THERE!
SERENA: Well "Crystal Chicago" or "Crystal Hanoi" or "Crystal Bristol" just
don't have the same ring as "Crystal Tokyo".
Eyes alight with unholy glee, made worse by the faceted crystal
that had replaced her flesh-and-blood ones, she rocketed through the
HyperTokyo sky. The Crystal was buried beneath the city somewhere,
under tons of steel and concrete and glass. Somewhere beneath the six
towers that reached for the sky in a five-pointed star pattern. No
matter. Lina had ways of getting to her objective. It was time to use
a little of her magic instead of relying on her Crystals.
MARS: I wondered if she would remember that she's a wizard.
"EARTH SPIRIT ROAD!" she chanted as she hovered over the spot.
Immediately, a great circle burned its way through the tower beneath
her. Then it burned through the next floor, and the next down deep into
the bowels of the city. Faintly she could hear the screams of people as
their homes and workplaces disintegrated, but Lina was beyond caring.
SNAKE: Urk. Lina gets less and less pleasant with every scene. At least when
releasing Metallia she wasn't _personally_ killing people. Not to mention that
destroying architecture is a big no-no.
SERENA: But mostly the people-disintegration.
She could sense her precious shining in the depths and flew toward it.
At the end of the path her spell had burned through the once-mighty
arcology, she found what she was looking for.
"Looking for this?" Sheila Ten'kai asked, holding up the Silver
Crystal.
MARS: Trap.
SERENA: With a capital "T".
The faux Sailor Mercury was also there, standing next to four young
SNAKE: (being Athena gone mad) My name is Athena! ATHENA! We
were introduced. I froze you and stuck an ice blade through you. You
remember, don't you Lina? No? Then let me give you a little reminder! Take
this and that! You'll remember my name or die. Die! DIE!
SERENA: Snake, you're beginning to get a little crazy about this.
SNAKE: .....
girls in very abbreviated senshi outfits and a young man in a lavender
bodysuit. The foremost of them had lavender hair and wore something
resembled a silvery one-piece swimsuit with a white micro-skirt
attached. The suit's neckline came down in a v-cut all the way down to
just below her navel, exposing her belly button as well as a large
amount of cleavage. It was also cut high at the legs, exposing most of
her hips as well. White elbow-length gloves, knee-high boots and a
green plexiglass eye mask covering her face completed the outfit.
SNAKE: Wow! I wonder if they put out a calendar?
"I am Exquisite Soldier Lovely Freesia!" the leader began.
"I am Exquisite Soldier Crimson Rose!" said the second, slightly
taller girl with long black hair. She wore a red strapless one-piece
swimsuit with a plunging neckline and high-cut at the legs with a loose,
white miniskirt and a green plexiglas eye mask. Despite the brevity of
her outfit, it was still less revealing than the leader's.
SNAKE: I say again, wow.
"I am Exquisite Soldier Pretty Daisy!" said the third, and tallest
of them. She was striking for not being human. Instead she was of some
bipedal feline species with tan fur spotted like a cheetah's and red
hair, like a human's, on her head. Her outfit was like the second's,
only green in color.
SNAKE: Now that's the sort of cat you want on your team!
MARS: (to Serena) Does he ever quit?
SERENA: He's just doing his job. Besides, they are really good looking, aren't
they?
MARS: Yeeeees.
"Ano, who am I again?" asked the last girl, a blonde in an orange
one-piece swimsuit with a halter-style neckline and a loose white skirt.
"Golden Poppy, you ditz!" growled the cat-girl.
"And I am Wild Orchid!" the boy exclaimed. He wore a lavender
bodysuit with a white sash across the chest, white knee-length boots and
elbow-length gloves.
SNAKE: Is it just me, or do those gloves and boots on a guy make him look
like an electrician?
MARS: This is why no male senshi.
Lina laughed. Did these people truly expect to stop her?
Then the pain truly began.
SERENA: (as Lina) I have a name for my pain.... and it is Sheila.
*****
> Earlier.
MARS: Flashbacks!
"Nice set up," Sheila said absently, looking around at the command
center.
"Functional. Certainly better than that cave that the United Earth
Federation tried to foist off on us when we were just getting started,"
Chief Hino replied. She stared at Sheila and shook her head. "I still
MARS: I'm chief? I'M CHIEF! Finally a chance to show my leadership
abilities.
can't get over it... red hair? Where did you get that from? Haruka is
blonde and Michiru --"
Sheila shrugged, as she was not really comfortable with the
different names that they gave her parent's analogues in this universe.
SNAKE: Actually my studies would seem to indicate-
MARS: You're from our universe, so as far as you're concerned, our names are
the right ones!
SNAKE: I completely agree. Now please take your hand off my neck.
"In my universe, Uranus was New Zealander on her mother's side, so it's
probably from that direction." She decided to change the subject.
"When will these... Ekusukuijite Senshi get here?"
"Fairly shortly." The Soldier of Fire and Passion paused, and a
look of consternation crossed her face. "Um. I just thought of
something -- are you like your parents in your --"
SERENA: Dress sense?
MARS: Attitude?
SNAKE: Fighting skills?
"Yep," Sheila replied with a half-smile. There were differences,
but this woman was just as blunt as her aunt and role-model,
MARS: I'm not blunt; I'm just... direct. Where does she get- Wait a minute,
"role model"? I'm her role model? For real?
SNAKE: Well she obviously hasn't picked my associate's erstwhile alter ego.
MARS: Huh?
SNAKE: *sigh* Serenity.
Rei frowned. "Could be trouble, then. One of the Soldiers is a
myanaran -- they're extremely prejudiced against non-heterosexuals. So
if you --"
Sheila frowned right back. "Wait a minute, you're letting
HOMOPHOBES in the Sailor Senshi?"
SERENA: If they're anything like our universe, you don't _let_ people in,
people get dragged in by destiny whether they like it or not.
Rei shrugged, exasperatedly. "It's a case of biology determining
their attitudes. They can't help being that way any more than you can
change who you are. Besides, it's not like -I- have much say anymore in
who's in the Corps, thanks to that Pretty Boy lawsuit."
MARS: Well not destiny exactly, but...
SNAKE: Pretty Boy lawsuit? Say it loud and say it proud, brother! Up with
masculism.
Sheila snorted in disgust. "I suppose there is some call for
Tuxedo Kamens, but--" She turned to look at Athena who hadn't said word
one since they'd been escorted into Chief Hino's presence. The blue
haired Senshi had been staring at nothing after she'd stopped looking at
the Chief with a certain expression of dread on her face. "Um, Athena?"
Sheila asked tentatively.
SERENA: (as Athena) Sorry, just contemplating that "anti-matter" thing you
brought up earlier. I'm still trying to wrap my mind around it.
Athena started as she heard Sheila's voice. "Yes?" she replied.
"Were you paying attention? One of the senshi they're bringing to
help us is gonna be pissed off if she gets any hints that either of us -
- well, you get the idea. So don't flirt with her when --"
(Neither of them saw Rei's eyes bulge out at this revelation.)
"I wouldn't dream of it," Athena quickly assured her.
MARS: Is she okay?
Sheila stared a moment. "Are you okay?"
MARS: This is what I am saying.
"Fine," Athena lied.
Sheila turned to look at Rei, and casually said, "Could you give
the two of us a moment alone?"
SNAKE: what, she doesn't want to rip open her girlfriend's emotional wounds
in front of a bunch of a quasi-stranger? Whyever not?
"Right," Rei replied, just a bit unsteadily as she backed away.
The daughter of Neptune and Uranus turned back to look at Athena
and frowned. "Don't say you're fine. What's the matter?"
Athena opened her mouth to deny that anything was wrong, and heard
herself say instead, "Thou hast to ASK what is wrong? I am a WORLD-
killer!" Sheila stared with her mouth wide open as Athena continued.
"I am sworn to the defense of life and I have --"
SERENA: But she was the one who got them out of there in the first place.
MARS: That's why she's so upset.
"Stop it!" Sheila snapped. "Athena, I KNOW how much it hurts -- it
hurts me just the same, but we --"
"You DON'T know," Athena cried. "You're not the one who --"
SNAKE: How much longer they going to waste playing the blame game?
MARS: Don't you have any empathy or sense of responsibility at all?
SNAKE: Yes. I. Do. I have great empathy for the people killed on that world
lost to shadow. I understand why Athena and Sheila must feel their pain. But
Lina killed that world by releasing Metallia. Athena did her best, and that's
all that anyone could ask. One thing I cannot, would never dare do, is start
blaming myself for things I didn't do and am not responsible for. Because
that's a path that could only end with my suicide.
MARS: Yes.
SERENA: I dislike seeing Athena and Sheila being torn apart like this. They
don't deserve it and it will not help them do what must be done.
MARS: For a minute you sounded like Serenity.
SERENA: Maybe it's Serenity who sounds like me.
And then she was shuddering in Sheila's tight embrace. "I DO
know," Sheila whispered. "We've messed up, Athena. WE messed up -- not
just you and not just me. We're going to have to fix it... but we can't
worry about it right now."
"But --" Athena murmured.
"Yes?"
"I thought thou hated me," she whispered.
MARS: I don't even think Sheila hates Lina. Not really.
Sheila was silent for the longest moment of Athena's life. "Hate
you?" she finally said, her voice thick with emotion. "Goddess,
Athena... I could never hate you. I was angry when you pulled us out of
that universe, but... but..."
Athena was only vaguely listening. I'm so warm, she thought. I've
never been so warm...
SNAKE: And that must be all the more rare... for the princess of ice.
Time seemed to stand still as they gazed into each other's eyes,
and their lips slowly drew closer together --
"WHAT THE HELL?!?"
And then time started up again, and they jolted apart. Sheila's
head whipped around to glare at the four girls and one guy who were
standing at the entrance -- specifically at the red-haired felinoid who
had yelled.
SNAKE: Isn't it sad how some people must find sexual overtones in
everything?
SERENA: Must. Not. Comment.
"I was having a brief discussion with my FRIEND, here," Sheila
snarled in reply. "Got a problem with that?"
"You bet your --" the felinoid snapped.
SERENA: Life?
SNAKE: Ass?
MARS: Virginity? No, wait....
"Give it a rest, PRETTY DAISY!" snapped the girl who was wearing
the skimpiest outfit. Sheila blinked as she suddenly recognized her --
the girl was practically identical (except for the immodest outfit) to
her friend, Catty!
MARS: Hail, hail, the gang's all here.
Well, Sheila thought, Chief Hino did mention that they had boomers
in this Magical Girls Corps... though on a closer examination she
realized there were a few differences between this magical girl and
Catty. She looked over at the other Exquisite Soldiers and received
another shock. One of them, slightly older than the rest, had the same
dark hair and similar facial features to Rei! So, she thought, this is
what a daughter of Aunt Rei's would look like. A momentary sadness
passed through her as she thought of what her Aunt could never have.
Mars leans in close, examining the screen.
MARS: Mmmmm. So that could be my daughter. I wish....
Just as well, she finally thought. If Aunt Rei DID have a
daughter, I'd be hard pressed not to hit on her if she looked like that!
The thought of how her aunt would have reacted caused a small smile to
cross her face.
MARS: I'd have to react in the Hino family tradition and make Sheila train as
an acolyte at the temple for a few years. And then I'd have to kill her.
SNAKE: Say what you will about Sheila, but she never seems to worry about
rejection.
"Ahem," Chief Hino interrupted the somewhat-less-than-mild squabble
that was breaking out between the two Exquisite Soldiers (and the eye-
leaking of the blonde member of the team). "Well, these are the
Exquisite Soldiers, Ms. Ten'kai. I'll leave the introductions to you --
I have to go join the Senshi and the others."
"Of course," Sheila said with a nod.
SERENA: Sheila-chan's going to whip them into shape!
"But first -- well, here IT is."
And Rei held IT out for Sheila to take.
SNAKE: (as Sheila) Thanks, but I don't really need a flowerpot.
"So," Athena said, moving next to the Catty look-alike... very
close to her, in fact. Sheila watched incredulously as Athena put her
arms around "Catty's" neck. "Who is thy tailor, lovely one? Methinks I
could use some fittings from him, hmmm?"
MARS: I guess Athena was so busy being miserable, she missed Sheila telling
her not to hit on anyone.
SERENA: Well it isn't like Sheila can give her orders. Just... suggestions.
'Catty' turned bright red in what was clearly a full-body blush,
which only grew redder as Athena leaned over to whisper something in her
ear. Sheila wanted to reach over and tear her companion away... then
she got a good look at Athena, really listened to her voice.
She was faking.
SNAKE: I've heard women do that, but never with me.
SERENA: Suuuure.
MARS: I really didn't need to hear that.
Oh, it was very good. Almost anyone else would be fooled by the
coy looks, veiled (and not-so-veiled) innuendo, and erotic touches. But
Sheila had been through life and death with Athena... and she knew
Athena was trying now to hide from all the pain and horror the only way
she knew how. So, it was with more understanding than jealousy that she
reached over and gently (ok, not THAT gently, she was still a little
peeved by her l--friend's roving eye) pulled Athena off 'Catty' by her
ear.
SERENA: My mother used to do that to get my attention when I was young.
Of course, it was usually to get me to do my homework or something, not
because I was propositioning someone.
"Owowowowow! Sheila-chan! Thou said nothing about hitting on the
OTHER Exquis--"
"I'll hit YOU, you freak!" the cat girl screamed.
SNAKE: Catfight! Sorta literally, actually.
"This was a whole lot easier when it was just odango-atamas and
tears," Sailor Mars commented, sure no one was listening.
MARS: Say it again, sister!
*****
Sheila looked at the small faceted crystal in her hand and
swallowed. There was power enough in that small crystal to destroy the
world for all its innocent appearance.
SERENA: I never quite got the awe everyone has for that thing.
MARS: You know all the things it can do.
SERENA: But in the end it's just a magic rock. It isn't like it's something
_important_. Not like friends or family or..... love and justice. Ask Serenity
some time.
She and Athena had come to this universe because Davies had said it
was the next universe on the list. He had been willing to do almost
anything to help them, even contacting his Sailor Pluto to tell the
Sailor Pluto of this universe they were coming and alert the troops.
MARS: Not that they're going to succeed.
SNAKE: Of course not. There's still part three to go.
The Sailor Pluto of this universe had been more than helpful, which
was a welcome surprise from the norm. The problem was that the Sailor
Moon of this universe had recently given birth to her daughter, so she
was in no shape to face Lina or call upon the power of the Crystal.
That was bad enough, but what made it worst was that they had to depend
upon a second-string of Sailor Senshi wannabes. The first string were
either guarding their Queen, couldn't arrive in time, or were missing.
MARS: They have me!
She was tempted to remove the earplugs she was wearing, but Freesia
was still speaking. She had heard that her Queen had once been given to
long speeches before attacking, but had dismissed it because no monster
would allow someone to lecture without taking advantage of the moment to
attack. But now, after seeing Lina stop in mid-laugh while Freesia
spoke, she was prepared to believe it. It was a wonderful tactic...
except it seemed no one else could attack while Freesia spoke.
SNAKE: There's always the chance you can talk them into surrendering.
MARS: Like that's going to happen.
SNAKE: I once saw Serena do it, so there.
Finally, Freesia stopped. This was the moment. There was no time
for finesse, no time for pleas. Lina had to go down hard.
"MERCURY ICE BLADE!" Athena cried, sending a mighty spear of ice
at Lina.
SERENA: Uh, considering that Lina was able to successfully shield herself
against Beryl, her generals, and Metallia, I'm not so sure about this.
"MAGIC SOUL BLADE!" Freesia screamed and a large blade of energy
formed in her hands and shot out to a length of over ten feet and aimed
directly at the mad sorceress.
"THORNY VINE WHIPLASH!" cried Crimson Rose, sending giant vine
spiked with thorns to entangle Lina.
"LASERWHIP!" Pretty Daisy cried, sending a beam of energetic light
at her foe.
"POPPY SEED SHOWER!" Golden Poppy yelled, and a dark cloud
appeared out of nowhere to pelt Lina.
"LEAF BLADE CASTRATION!" Wild Orchid cried, sending a stream
of
razor sharp leaves at Lina.
SNAKE: Aaaahhhhhh!
Snake momentarily clutches his crotch in panic, then lets go looking
embarrassed.
The attacks swirled around the wizardress and she screamed in
surprise. Her crystalline hand reached out and grabbed the Soul Blade,
its power squealing against the impenetrable surface. Her other hand
reached up to shield herself against Mercury's ice spear, but that hand
was just flesh and bone, and the magical ice smashed it aside. Lina
screamed again, this time in pain. The ice blade smashed against her
crystal torso, but the damage was done. Her useless arm was then pinned
to her side as the thorny vine and the laser whip wrapped around her
body. Then the poppy seed pods slashed down at Lina at hypersonic
speeds as she was cut to ribbons by Wild Orchid's leaves.
MARS: Why is it Lina only remembers to put up shields when Sheila _isn't_
leading an attack against her?
SNAKE: Speaking of Sheila, couldn't she have at least thrown something? Or
used a gun?
When it was done, Sheila could only look with horror at what was
held in place before them. It appeared to be an apparition of blood and
crystal, nothing else being visible. Could even Lina have survived
that?
SERENA: My guess is yes.
The Exquisite Soldiers, with the exception of Pretty Daisy, all
looked sick. Athena swallowed, but didn't say anything. She looked at
Sheila, whose face was grave and set as if stone.
SNAKE: Now is the time to go pry the Crystals out of that ruined flesh.
Then Lina's crystal lips began to move. "Heed me, oh spirits
darker than dusk." Red light began to glow around her. "Red beyond
crimson flow like blood. In the name of those reduced to dust," she
said as blue lights began to swirl around, like fireflies caught in a
cyclone, "I pray to the shadows."
"Oh, shit!" Sheila cried. "Hit her again! Quick!"
MARS: This might be an excellent time for a Sailor teleport...
"She doth shield herself!" Athena cried, scanning Lina with her
computer.
SNAKE: Oh, _now_.
"Mark ye these villains that bar our way," Lina continued, her body
healing and reforming even as she spoke, her voice becoming louder and
stronger, "and to my small strength thine own ally, to deliver doom,
folly repay, come judgment from the grave..."
SERENA: I don't like the words that I am hearing.
"SHEILA!" Athena cried, running between her friend and their foe,
knocking the red-haired senshidottir down. The Silver Crystal fell from
Sheila's grasp in surprise.
MARS: Mental note for Sheila. Next time glue it to my hand.
"DRAGON SLAVE!" Lina yelled, completing the spell.
SERENA: (quietly) Boom.
SNAKE: Big boom.
*****
HyperTokyo was a city of marvels, sporting six huge arcology towers
and home to millions of humans, myanarans, and boomers, and arguably the
most sophisticated and advanced city in the world.
MARS: Though your typical New Yorker wouldn't agree.
All that was wiped away in a moment as a massive explosion smashed
its way up through the city streets. The arcology towers shattered and
fell, except the center most which shot up like a rocket. The explosion
shaped itself into the awful image of a dragon ascending, it mouth open
in a scream which, the few survivors reported, sounded as if all the
souls of the dead were fueling it.
SNAKE: What is it with this story and the souls of the dead? Don't the souls
of the dead have better things to do than go around screaming to herald evil
spirits and fueling explosions?
SERENA: Yeah, don't they have tennis courts or video games in the afterlife?
Then there was silence.
MARS: Which oddly makes me feel better. One city is bad, but if Lina had
used the powers she stole from Saturn, it wouldn't be silence. It would be The
Silence.
*****
Lina stood in the center of a vast crater and limped slowly over to
the only other object to survive her spell. The battered, but healing
sorceress looked down at the Silver Crystal and then at her missing left
arm. The battered flesh had not been able to survive the mighty blast,
but neither had her foes, apparently.
"Finally," she said, picking up the Crystal. "Sheila is DEAD!"
SNAKE: Anybody care to wager on that?
MARS: Considering that I just saw her alive....
The exultant laughter she expected to mark this moment did not come,
however. Instead, she felt empty. Well, absorbing this Crystal should
see to that.
SERENA: Sure, power fills the emptiness of the soul.. Not.
The Crystal sank into her crystalline arm. She took a deep breath,
then screwed her face up in an act of extreme concentration. From the
ragged stump of her left shoulder crystal began to grow. The crystal
extended out to arm's length, hinged in the middle where an elbow would
be. The crystal then began to grow thicker, like a tree, with layer
after layer thickening it to the shape and form of a normal human arm. A
hand formed at the end. Lina looked at it with her crystal eyes, flexed
the hand, then disappeared.
MARS: That's one way to get an artificial arm.
SERENA: The bad way, mind you.
END PART TWO
SNAKE: Great spirit of space, only one more part to go. Are you feeling
good?
SERENA: I am feeling good!
MARS: I guess I am too.
UNKNOWN VOICE: Gooood.
SNAKE: (sweatdropping) Who said that?
Once more something appears at the edge of the theater. It isn't hard to
spot, being about ten meters tall and roughly humanoid in shape. Its skin
looks like flickering flame and smoke floats around its "head".
SNAKE: I'm handling this one.
Snake takes off the harness containing his sheathed sword and tosses it to
the ground. He strides off to stand in front of the giant and strikes a pose.
The light subtly shifts around the man, and something changes. Suddenly he
_is_ Ourranos. Face and manner evocative of the same terror commanded by
long-dead villain.
Mars shudders.
SNAKE: Stop. Though I am not what once terrorized all who passed, yet I
still have enough power to deal with the likes of _you_. Best to flee bef-
The giant, being unimpressed, reaches down and grasps Snake in one
hand. The echo of evil is hoisted into the air, giant fist crushing his life away.
SNAKE: (weakly) Great. Now I'm... going to die. Probably won't... get into
heaven. Should have paid those... parking tickets.
MARS: We have to do something!
SERENA: (a strange look in her eyes) Don't worry, I know what to do.
Kneeling down, Serena grasps the discarded sword and draws it.
SERENA: Sorry Raye.
With one swift movement, Serena drives the sword through Mars's heart.
End part two of the MST.