With his hands behind his back in a true sign of boredom, Ranma idly 
followed his parents into the hospital lobby.  "Are ya sure you don't 
know what this about, Pops?" he asked, a put upon expression on his 
face.

First "ya" then "you" in the same sentence? Sounds just a *bit*
inconsistent.

What this *is* about

"I have no clue, boy"

boy."

[I accidentaly cut a bit too much here before commenting]

Throughout the first scene, Ranma strikes me as somewhat too *sulking*.
Just a little bit, enough for it too feel subtly wrong.

Nodoka thanked the receptionist and led her family to the appropriate 
office.  Reaching room 204, she smartly knocked on thedoor.  A few 
seconds later, a short, overweight man with balding gray hair opened the 
door.  "You must be the Saotomes.  I'm Kenusuke Nakamura." he greeted.  

Hm. Is Kenusuke a real name? It sounds vaguely not-right to me.
(perhaps becuase Kensuke is common, I don't know)

blue-green hair, was wearing a small tiger-striped bikini and sporting a 
pair of horns on her head.  Ranma recognized the girl and the younger 

hair, wore a (...) and sported a

"Darling. . ," the girl in the bikini growled, electricity dancing 

I think you shouldn't change the last period into a comma here.
"Darling..." the girl
I *could* be wrong, though.

"Please, please, everyone be seated and try to calm down.  I. . . I'll 
explain why I asked you to come here," Mr. Nakamura said nervously.  
Ataru sat back down while the Saotomes occupied the remaining empty 
chairs.  "Thank you," Nakamura said, slightly relieved as he sat behind 
his desk.  He cleared his throat meaningfully and took a deep breath.  
"Seventeen years ago, Ranma Saotome and Ataru Moroboshi were born in 
this hospital; within hours of each other, in fact."

I *was* confused about the use of the word "man", either; it made
me think this was an older Ataru/Lum. Try "boy" or at least "young
man"?

"Darling. .  ," Lum said, sympathetically placing her hands on Ataru's 
shoulders.

Same thing again.

[...]

Hm. Just a thought, but... I hope we're going to see what happens
too *Ranma* after this, not just Ataru?

Ranma lay back in his futon and stretched out his arms.  He was 
relatively comfortable in his new room, now that he had thrown away all 
the posters of scantily clad idol singers and the numerous adult 
magazines he had found.  Once again his life was being turned upside 
down, out of his control, and without his permission.  Once again he had 
been forced to leave a place he considered his home.  "I don't know how 
much more of this I can take," he said aloud.  A knock on the door 
interrupted his thoughts.  "Come in."

"his life had been turned upside down, and without his permission"?
Just doesn't sound right. IMO:
control - and this without

"Ranma-chan, are you asleep?" his mother asked, opening the door.

Um. Is she really calling him "Ranma-chan" at all times? I don't know,
it just doesn't seem right to me. Then again, I think we've had
disagreements over that before, when you had Nodoka doing it...

Ataru curled up tightly in his blanket, dimly aware of the voice that 
was yelling at him.  

of the voice yelling at him.

Ranma sat down at his desk and idly wondered how many fanboys surrounded 
him.  (These guys are nuts.)  

Him? Uh?

"Um, nothing, nothing!" Ranma quickly replied.  "I just meant it'd be a 
shame if a cute girl like you got hurt or something!"  

Oooooops. Poor, stupid Ranma. ^_^

"Er, sure, let's go," Ranma replied.  He didn't her the soft gasp behind 
him, or the quickly disappearing footfalls as Akane ran away, tears of 
betrayal blinding her eyes. 

No! No! nooo!

('course, who am I to talk, after what I just wrote ... but...)

"Hmph.  He doesn't having anything on Ranma," Akane replied, realizing 
too late what she had said.

Haha! :DDDDD

Special thanks go to Fred Herriot and the TSY crew, believe it or not, 
their fic inspired me to write this one.  I sat down one week and read 
the 50 core chapters.  *_*  You got to respect authors who are obviously 
having fun.  That's my motivation too.

You just gotta respect someone who actually has the energy and
determination needed to actually read *ALL* of TSY, and that just
in a single week. ^_^

Juxtaposition chapter 4: Being written; about 30% done.

What can I say? Want more, NOW!

I loved it. Highly amusing.

Just as long as you make sure to get Ranma back with Akane where he
belongs in the end. :P

---
Ronny Hedin, thark@hem2.passagen.se, http://nabiki.newberry.edu/thark/
                    "Momomoto, famous japanese, can swallow his nose."