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Ranma 1/2 Fanfiction: "Onslaught of the Red Haze" (Installment #1)
By: Dark Phoenix (Carolyn Brickhouse)
Disclaimer: All characters in this story ultimately belong to o-
Takahashi Rumiko-sama, blah, blah, blah, and all other legalese. The
story idea, however, is mine and takes place sometime after the events of
manga Vol. 38. This is merely the beginning in a series of stories in
which I'm exploring what _could_ happen in the characters' lives. ;)
Enjoy!
Part I: *Sigh* The Joys of Womanhood...
"Aaaaah! Get off me, you old freak!" Onna-Ranma screamed, dashing
back and forth across the hallway with Happousai clinging to her.
"Aww, c'mon, Ranma. Just a little hug. Please?" the tiny,
ancient, and perverted martial arts master crooned.
Yes, it was another one of those days at the Tendou Training Hall.
Kasumi, the eldest Tendou sister, was out in the yard, humming and hanging
laundry, while her other two sisters, Nabiki and Akane, were sitting on
the porch reading. Souun Tendou and Genma Saotome (in his panda form, of
course) were playing shougi and totally oblivious to Ranma's predicament.
Nabiki looked up from her book entitled "Extortion and the Pursuit
of Happiness" and sighed. "Old goat's at it again."
Sighing also, Akane dropped her comic and watched Ranma
continuously run back and forth. "Oh, honestly!" she huffed, wearied
with the antics of these two. Although deep down inside she felt sorry
for Ranma, she couldn't help thinking that he'd done something to provoke
Happousai again. Half of her mind screamed that maybe Ranma deserved it,
and the other half scolded her and reminded her that even a half-girl
didn't deserve Happousai's lecherous attentions.
<Besides,> Akane told herself for the umpteenth time, <Ranma's my
fiance.>
Casually Akane reached into hammerspace and pulled out her mallet.
Hefting it in her hands, she stood in the doorway and waited.
"One... two... three!"
With a loud grunt, Akane swung the mallet back and--*wham!*--
knocked both Ranma and Happousai into orbit.
Nabiki watched the two soar into the stratosphere and blinked.
"Whoa. You hit them kinda hard, don't you think?"
"Uh," Akane stammered, dropping the mallet. Oooops! She didn't
mean to do it quite _that_ hard, especially since Ranma hadn't insulted
her or anything.
Just then Ranma came crashing back down to land on his (her?) head
at Akane's feet.
"Ohhhhhh," Onna-Ranma groaned, twitching.
"Hey, Ranma, you okay?" Nabiki asked. She certainly didn't want
her prime target permanently damaged.
"Oh, I'm sure he's fine," Akane said. "Hey, get up, you." She
nudged Ranma onto her back.
"Ouch!" Ranma fell back with a solid--*thump!*--and then sat up,
rubbing the back of her head. "Hey, watch it, stupid! That hurt," she
growled, glaring at her so-called "uncute" fiancee.
"Who are you calling stupid, you idiot?" Akane shot back, sitting
back down and taking up her comic. "Just what did you do to provoke
Happousai _this_ time?"
"I didn't do nothing!" Ranma protested. <Geez, the way she hits
me, you'd think I was one of those practice boards she *thwacks* in the
training hall,> she mentally grumbled, struggling to ignore the nagging
pain her body had recently acquired. Nevertheless, a sudden twitch in the
abdomen made Ranma groan again.
Akane rolled her eyes. "Oh, please. You're such a baby. I didn't
hit you that hard... did I?" For a moment fear flickered across her
face. Then she caught herself.
Ranma huffed, then hissed in pain again. Nabiki frowned.
"Oh my god, Akane. You really hurt him this time."
"I didn't hit him that hard!" Akane stood and approached Ranma,
who backed away warily.
"I'm not going to hit you again," Akane snapped. "I just want to
see what you're being such a baby about."
Ranma's blue eyes narrowed. "Yeah, right, like you care. I can
take care of myself---grrr!" She clutched at her abdomen.
Now Akane's heart started pounding. "Here, let me see... " But
before she could reach for Ranma again, a sudden squeeze interrupted her.
"Aaaaaaahhhh!" she screamed as Happousai grabbed her shoulders--
and prepared to grab something else.
The sight of her former tormentor made Ranma completely ignore the
pain. "Why you," she growled, doing the aura thing. "Get off her, you
lech!"
"Hmm?" Happousai mumbled, leering at Ranma. "Oh, you missed me,
is that it?" And before Akane herself could slam him, he leapt off her
and went straight for Ranma. Ranma tried to block, but another sudden,
more intense pain distracted her, allowing Happousai to latch onto her
chest.
With a bloodcurdling shriek Ranma punched Happousai away, but the
aged master, having touched female flesh, was revitalized enough to flip
over and stand on the rocks surrounding the carp pond.
"Ha-ha! You gotta do better than that, Pig-Tailed Boy!" he
taunted.
"Why... you... " Ranma managed through her teeth, glowing
even brighter.
Akane sighed. "Nabiki, I _told_ you he wasn't hurt that badly."
But Nabiki was staring forward, rigid. "Uh, maybe, but something's
definitely wrong with him." She pointed at Ranma.
"What do you mean?" She followed Nabiki's gaze and gasped.
Akane's large eyes widened even further as she observed her intended, who
was glowing an _unusually disturbing_ bright red.
Happousai froze, completely taken aback. His squinty eyes were now
as wide as saucers as he watched his favorite target, growl, take aim--
--and hit him with an enormous ki blast.
Inside the house Akane, Nabiki, Kasumi, and the others (except for
Nodoka Saotome, who was away for a few days) knelt around Happousai and
Ranma, the former lying prone and complaining about his aching joints,
the latter laughing maniacally.
"Ohhh," moaned Happousai, "the ingrate. How dare he hit his
master like that--ohhh!"
"Poor Grandfather Happousai," Kasumi murmured, placing a warm
towel on the little hentai's forehead.
"'Poor Happousai?'" Nabiki squealed. "What about the carp pond?
And the rest of the yard? Did you see what Ranma did? It looks like a
bomb exploded out there!" She turned to Ranma. "Saotome, how did you do
that?"
"I dunno," Ranma replied, now male thanks to the hot water Kasumi
had spilled on him from her basin, "but I loved every minute of it!
Bwahhhahahahaaa!"
<This is weird,> Genma-Panda signed while rumbling incoherently.
<The boy's ki blasts aren't that strong.>
"Hmm, I'm not so sure, Saotome," Souun Tendou mused, briefly
taking advantage of Happousai's helplessness and kicking him ("Owww!"
Happousai moaned.). "That blast was almost like-like--"
"Like Ryouga's Shishi Houkoudan," Akane finished, frowning. "I
mean, Ranma's Moukou Takabisha's similar to that, but I don't think it's
nearly as strong, unless..." She thought for a moment, then glared at
Ranma, who was still cackling and wouldn't stop. "Unless he's learned
something else from Shampoo's great-grandmother, which means he's been at
the Nekohanten chasing Shampoo!" Jealousy clouding her judgment, she
punched Ranma upside the head.
Ranma ceased guffawing and bolted upright, glaring. "Hey! What
was that for?"
"OK, Ranma, out with it! How did you learn that ki blast?"
"How did I--hey, just a minute! I didn't learn nothing new from
that old ghoul. I haven't even been to the restaurant lately."
"Are you sure, Son?" Souun asked ominously. "You haven't been
chasing Shampoo again, have you? Have you?" His head grew monstrously
hideous and huge as he glared at his future son-in-law.
"Aaaaaaaaahhh! I'm sure! I'm sure already!" Ranma shrieked,
backing away.
"Well, I don't believe you," Akane hissed, folding her arms.
"You're capable of anything."
"I _told_ you, you stupid, violent woman, I didn't--"
Akane drew back her fist, but Kasumi-oneechan intervened.
"Akane, before you do that, let me ask something," she said,
polite as always. She turned to Ranma. "Ranma, have you ever accessed
power like that before?"
"Huh?" The young martial artist blinked. "Uh, no. Not... not
exactly."
"'Not exactly?' What do you mean?" Kasumi prompted.
Ranma rubbed his throbbing temple. "Well..." Suddenly he
looked very shamefaced. "It-it almost happened once sometime ago...
when I was stuck as a girl. You know, when I had that full-body cat
tongue thing."
"Really?" Kasumi looked thoughtful as everyone else leaned
forward. "What nearly prompted that ki blast then?"
Ranma scowled. "Ugh. It was that pervert--Kunou," he said. "The
jerk sneaked up behind me and..." He reflexively hugged his torso.
"Stupid moron. I mean, I was already having these pains, and then he
just had to--"
"Pains? What kind of pains?" Kasumi had a strange expression on
her face.
"Well... I guess they were more like, ah, slightly annoying
spasms," he replied hurriedly, embarrassed. "I've been having them
right"--he pointed around his waist-- "here. Not really anything
serious, though. Ha, ha."
"Painful spasms..." Kasumi blanched, and everyone around her
held their breath. Even Happousai stopped whining long enough to listen.
Akane, by the way, looked as though she were about to have a heart-attack.
Ranma noticed how everyone was staring at him and blinked. "Uh,
why're you all looking at me like that?"
"Ranma," Kasumi managed, "I think... you need to see a doctor."
"Go see a doctor, Kasumi says. Ha!"
Outside on the porch, Otoko-Ranma was punching the wooden stake,
trying to beat out his frustration.
<They all act like I'm dying or something.> *Wham, wham!* <I
mean, so I developed a few little pains--it's no big deal.> *Wham, wham!*
<What do they think I am, some little baby who needs to run home to Mommy?
And that fiancee of mine. Geez!> *Wham, wham!* <If I didn't know
better, I'd swear the tomboy was actually worried about me.>
"The unsexy brute." *Wham, wham, wham!*
*THWACK!*
The wooden board upside his head made him lose concentration for a
moment. When his eyes refocused, he spied Akane in front of him, glaring.
"Owww!" he whined.
"Serves you right," Akane shot back, wanting to smack him again
but deciding against it. She stomped past him, teeming with a mixture of
hurt, anger, and worry as she leaned against the wall with her back to
him.
Ranma finished rubbing his head and waited to see if she'd smack
him again. When she didn't, he went back to his exercise. "So whatcha
whatchacome out here for anyway? Oh, let me guess--you haven't hit me
enough
times today, is that it?"
"No, you idiot," his fiancee growled softly, her back still to
him. "I came out here to talk."
Ranma blinked. "Talk?" She'd been trying to do that a lot lately.
"About what?"
Akane cleared her throat. "About your... problem."
"Problem? I ain't got a problem."
"You know what I'm talking about." Akane swallowed, shaking a
little. "The... pains." She bit her lip. "Um... Ranma, you...
Look, Ranma, if... you need to know... what to do... whenever you
. . can't change back right off... " She blushed.
Ranma also blushed, knowing exactly what she was getting at. He
continued his exercise casually. "Akane, I... know what to do. I've
been through it before." <Man,> he thought, <she could've at least
brought it up when I'm a girl. I feel so weird even thinking about
something like... that.>
As if sensing his discomfort, Akane nodded slightly. "Yeah, well,
anyway," she said, turning around slightly to look at him out the corner
of her eye, "Dad's still inside crying about the carp pond. Ranma, you-
you blasted a good portion of it away. Have you seen what you did? It's
devastating... well, to Dad anyway. It's going to cost quite a bit to
get that fixed, and even though our wedding got postponed
. ." She absently rubbed her shoulder. "Well, somebody's got to pay to
get the pond and yard fixed."
"Aw, Kasumi'll come through. She always does."
"Hey, don't try to blow this off, Ranma. I'm serious. Besides,
it's not the pond I'm really worried about."
Ranma almost faltered in his ministrations, but caught himself (as
usual). "And what exactly are you worried about? Or should I say...
who?"
"What?" Akane's face turned uniformly red. "Are-are you implying
that I-I--"
Her fiance grinned. "Better keep that annoying voice of yours
down, tomboy, or everybody'll think we're actually being civil to each
other."
Frustrated, Akane started doing the blue-aura thing. "How many
times are you going to insult me, you inconsiderate--"
"That's your opinion, not mine."
"--arrogant--"
"I can't help it I'm perfect."
"--brainless--"
"Yeah, I'm brainless for not leaving you sooner. Nyaah!"
"--sex-changing--"
"Blame Jusenkyou--and Oyaji--for that one."
Akane took a deep breath.
"--moron!"
Once again, Ranma was punished for not using his better judgment to
control his mouth.
"Humph!" Akane stomped away.
On the ground, the wooden stake lying in pieces around and on top
of him, Ranma decided that he hadn't checked up on Dr. Toufuu lately.
"Hmm. He _seems_ perfectly normal," Dr. Toufuu observed, sitting
back. "None of his joints are out of place--well, he's got a few bruises,
but they aren't too bad. I suppose you haven't upset Akane too much
lately, eh?" The young doctor winked and smiled.
"Humph." Ranma frowned and folded his arms. "The fact that I'm
even alive upsets that tomboy," he quipped.
"I heard that." Akane shook her fist at him.
"Good," Ranma added, sticking out his tongue.
"Ahem. But these pains you spoke of, Ranma," the doctor continued,
"they're very strange. And judging from what you've told me... Hmm.
I wonder." He looked over at the pitcher of water sitting nearby and
picked it up.
Ranma followed Dr. Toufuu's movements. "Uh, Doc, what're you gonna
do with that?"
"Just this." With that he promptly splashed Ranma in the face.
Onna-Ranma shook the water out of her red hair, confused. "Why did
you--"
"Dr. Toufuu," Akane interrupted, "do you think you know what's
wrong with him?"
"Just watch. I need to be sure." A serious expression on his
face, Dr. Toufuu bent down to look Ranma straight in the eye.
"Happousai," he said simply.
Confused, Akane shook her head. "But I don't see..." She
trailed off as she noticed Ranma's reaction. Like the last time, Ranma
was glowing that unusual bright red.
"Happousai?" Ranma hissed, her irises shrinking to the pinpoints
and her body twitching with anger. "Why, that little freak--that little--"
"Akane, get that kettle of water. Quickly!" Dr. Toufuu pointed
over Akane's shoulder.
Snapping out of it, Akane grabbed the kettle, took the initiative,
and splashed Ranma, returning him to his regular male form.
"Ranma," the doctor asked, "what did you feel just then?"
Otoko-Ranma flicked the last droplets of water off his arm. "Uh .
. anger. Lots of anger, a little pain and... something else."
Suddenly he started blushing and stood up. "Excuse me, I gotta
. ." He went straight for the bathroom.
"Dr. Toufuu," Akane urged, "please tell me what's going on."
"All in good time, Akane," the doctor replied.
"WHAT??!!"
Ranma "promise posed," his widened eyes covering a good portion of
his face.
"You're kidding!" Akane shook her head in disbelief.
"It's true." Dr. Toufuu nodded sagely and spread his hands. "I
kid you not, Ranma. This... problem you're having is what's causing
these ki blasts. And I'm sorry to say, they probably won't go away."
"I don't believe this," Ranma mumbled, shaking his head. "I
don't. Why does this kinda stuff happen to me?"
"You poor boy." Dr. Toufuu patted Ranma's shoulder. "I mean, how
often does a man channel the Red Haze?"
Both Akane and Ranma stiffened. "The Red Haze?" they asked
simultaneously. "Is that what it's called?"
"Indeed." The doctor rubbed his chin. "The Red Haze is a rare--
extremely rare--ki-projection technique only possible in females."
"But-but," Ranma choked out, "I'm a guy!"
"True, but apparently the Red Haze makes no distinction in your
case. You've got to remember, Ranma, you have a real girl's body half the
time. That makes you capable of experiencing a lot of the things ordinary
girls go through."
Ranma suddenly had numerous flashbacks to his experiences as a
female, his troubled mind lingering on the many not-so-pleasant
experiences. He shuddered. "Don't remind me."
"Anyway," the doctor continued, "you have all the symptoms--pain,
anger, and the right amount of ki-projecting potential, all of which
amplify when you're female. As for why you couldn't do it during the
full-body cat tongue episode--well, from what I understand it takes a
while for a woman"--he saw Ranma wince-- "to be able to access the power.
Only the strongest of females have a chance of developing the 'Haze. Hmm.
Oh, yeah, um"--he started blushing profusely-- "this power can only be
accessed during a certain... time... each... month."
Hearing this, Ranma hung his head. "I wanna die."
"It's called being 'in phase,'" Toufuu added.
Akane sighed. "This could _only_ happen to Ranma."
Dr. Toufuu shrugged, deciding to alter the subject. "Oh, just FYI,
you two, the most recent case concerned a Chinese Amazon."
"An Amazon, huh?" Ranma thought about Shampoo. <Nah, couldn't
have been her, since I've never seen her do it before. The old ghoul?
Humph. 'Course not. She lost her youth a long time ago, a little after
the dawn of time, I'll bet.>
Akane bit her lip. "Doctor, what kind of damage is the ki blast
capable of?"
Dr. Toufuu thought for a moment. "Well, from what I recall, that
Amazon warrior blew up a pretty good section of the Great Wall." Dr.
Toufuu noticed the couple's shocked faces and chuckled. "Oh, it's been
fixed again, of course."
"You know, come to think of it," Akane began, "I do vaguely recall
something about rennovating the Great Wall. It was on TV a few weeks
ago."
"Exactly," Dr. Toufuu replied.
"Oh man," Ranma moaned.
"Hmm? What's wrong?" The doctor leaned forward. "Are you having
those pains again?"
"No, no, Doctor, it's not that," Akane interjected. "Um, it's
just that Ranma has done some damage, too."
"Oh?"
"I blew up the yard at home," Ranma mumbled.
"Uh-oh."
"And took out Happousai. He's hasn't gotten out of bed for at
least a day," Akane added.
Dr. Toufuu laughed. "Ah, so some good _did_ come out of it!"
"Wow, Ranma," Akane said, gazing at him, "you really are abnormal."
"Shaddup, you're not helping!"
"Now, now, calm down, you two. I don't think it's really that bad.
Ranma, you'll be fine. After all, you've, ah, experienced something like
this before when you were stuck
as a girl. Just without the 'Haze, right?"
Again Ranma blushed as red as his shirt. "Um
. . yeah."
"Well then. See? You're not flying blind in this. You can handle
it. I must admit, though, I'm no expert in giving advice about this sort
of thing, being a chiropractor and not a gyne--"
Both Ranma and Akane winced and blushed.
Dr. Toufuu cleared his throat. "Anyway, my suggestion, Ranma, is
that you just go about your normal business. And maybe--if you possibly
could--avoid getting splashed as much as possible." He gave Ranma a
knowing look, which Ranma understood on numerous levels.
Ranma sighed. "But that's easier said than done, Doc. My body
attracts water like a magnet."
"Not to mention," the doctor continued, "you might get a little--
um--what's the word ... hormonal?"
"Great. All we need," Akane griped, whispering, "is for you to
get a little bitchy."
"Hey, hey, watch it!"
"See?" Akane poked a finger a him. "It's happening already."
"Macho chick!"
"Pervert!"
Dr. Toufuu sighed. Would these two ever quit? "Or maybe not," he
finished, rising. Then he hesitated, as though remembering something.
However, before he could voice his thoughts, an unexpected guest
walked in.
Ranma and Akane decided that if they valued their good health,
they'd better leave.
"Aww, man. I can't believe this is happening to me. I'm being
punished. I just know it."
Ranma and Akane were walking home. As usual, Ranma was on the
fence while Akane was on the ground. The short-haired young woman looked
up at her fiance, noting his misery.
"Ranma, you're being silly. It's really not so bad. All girls
have been going through this since the beginning of time."
"I'm a _guy_!"
"So? You have a girl's body sometimes. Like the doctor said,
that makes you subject to a lot of the things real girls go through."
"Yeah, but..." Ranma stopped walking and looked down at her.
"Man, I bet everyone at home knows more about this than they should.
Pop'll be teasing me forever. And Nabiki--I don't even wanna think about
the hell she'll put me through!" He ran a hand through his thick mop of
black hair. "And my Mom--if she finds out, she'll make me commit seppuku
for sure."
Akane shrugged. "I doubt it. She's already convinced you're manly
enough."
"Well, maybe, but..." He fidgeted.
"Oh, stop whining. You mean to tell me you, the oh-so-great-and-
powerful Ranma Saotome, can't handle a little feminine problem?"
"You're enjoying this!"
Akane folded her arms, scowling. "Why would I be enjoying this?
I'm trying... to help you through this."
She blushed as soon as the words rushed out. For a moment the
young couple stared at each other. Ranma glanced away. He had to admit,
her compassion for him did make her look rather kawaii.
But, as usual, his stubbornness, coupled with his frustration,
regained control. "Yeah, well, I don't need you fussing about me. I can
take care of myself."
"Is that so?" Her anger resurfacing, Akane spun on her heel and
marched away. "Fine, then, you 'manliest of men.' But when you start
cramping really badly, don't come crawling to me!"
"Don't worry about it, you sexpot wannabe!" he shouted after her.
Then, feeling sheepish, he started to call her back. Unfortunately he was
soundly interrupted.
"Ranma Saotome, how dare you speak such harsh words to the
beautiful Akane Tendou!"
Ranma spun around. Standing just a few feet away was the tall,
handsome, and deranged form of Tatewaki Kunou, brandishing his wooden
sword.
Ranma blinked. <Where did he come from?> "OK, Kunou, whaddaya
want this time?"
The self-proclaimed "Blue Thunder of Furinkan High" lowered his
sword and sneered. "Address me as Upperclassman, you lout, you defiler of
the virtuous Akane Tendou and my beloved Pig-Tailed Goddess!" He raised
his sword over his head. "I, Tatewaki Kunou, shall banish you to the
fiery pit from whence you came!"
"Oh great." Ranma assumed a battle-ready stance and prepared to
dodge as Kunou charged.
Using his kendou skills Kunou slashed at Ranma, only to have his
target leap out of the way to backflip to another part of the fence.
Growling, Kunou slashed again and narrowly missed Ranma's pigtail, but
Ranma brought up his fist and deflected the blow. Twisting around his
opponent, Ranma raised his leg and punted Kunou.
"Uf!" Kunou grunted as he fell off the fence and into the pool of
water below. His "promise posed" form floated up, his back to Ranma.
"That jerk never learns," Ranma breathed, panting. Kunou hadn't
given him much of a work-out, but for some reason Ranma was breathing
really hard. He wiped the sweat from his brow.
<That moron,> he thought, <that's all he ever does. Comes out of
nowhere, and if I'm a boy, he wants to fight. If I'm a girl, he...
squeezes.> Of its own accord a memory of Kunou's last perversion against
"her" surfaced. Ranma shook with anger.
Something stirred within him. <Just who does he think he is
anyway?>
Then he doubled over.
"What--" Ranma clenched his fists, fighting to remain standing.
Suddenly his vision was clouding over. He stumbled, trying to shake the
odd sensations off, but this time it was too much. Moaning slightly, he
teetered and fell into the water.
Meanwhile, some distance ahead, Akane was lost in thought. <Stupid
boy. I try to console him, and what does he do? Brush me off and insult
me. That's what I get for trying to help a jerk like him. Men.> She
brushed a strand of hair aside. <Well, I'll let him deal with it alone.
He claims he can do everything. Hmm. I wish Dr. Toufuu could've told us
more about this Red Haze. Like what triggers it, if anything.>
Glancing back, she expected to find a sullen Ranma tailing her.
When she didn't, she halted in her tracks, hearing the distant grunts of
combatants. Her eyes widened when she spotted Ranma's form in the
distance, in combat with--Upperclassman Kunou?
Concern getting the better of her, she rushed back. Seconds later
she saw Kunou take a plunge and Ranma follow suite almost immediately
afterwards.
"Ranma!" she called, picking up the pace.
When she arrived on the scene, a series of lovesick mumbling from
below attracted her attention. Glad she was wearing shorts, Akane climbed
up, straddled the fence, and peered down. She started to call Ranma's
name again when a series of loud protestations interrupted her.
"Hey, hey!" Onna-Ranma, who'd only been unconscious for a moment,
awoke to find herself in the arms of her worst nightmare, who'd amazingly
managed to recover as well.
"Oh, Osage no Onna," Kunou was saying, hugging her close. "How
noble of you. You witnessed that wretched Ranma Saotome's abuse of my
illustrious self and dove in to save your one true love!" Overcome with
joy, he smoothed her damp hair--and didn't plan to stop there.
"Hey!" gasped Akane. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!"
"Let go of me!" Ranma demanded, trying desperately to squirm out
of Kunou's grasp but having not luck at all. Something stirred within
her, but she was too pissed to focus on it.
Kunou heard Akane's voice and gasped. "Ah, Akane Tendou, is that
you? How I rejoice. Both my true loves have come to check upon me!"
Still hugging Ranma, he tried to climb out of the water, decided he wasn't
holding his osage-no-onna tightly enough, and moved his hand to clutch her
across her back and down to her--
Ranma jerked as Kunou squeezed. Hard. That familiar anger welled
up in her, and the tingling was suddenly much more intense. <Why, this .
. this
. . hentai... !>
"Kunou, let go of..." Akane noticed Ranma doing the red-aura
thing again. A second later she leaped out of the way as Ranma's red ki
blast sent Kunou crashing through the fence and into the stratosphere.
"Ranma, are you okay?" Akane asked as she helped her fiance climb
up.
"Never better," a soaking wet Onna-Ranma said through her teeth,
watching with satisfaction as Kunou's battered form finally reappeared to
crash down a few feet away.
Akane winced at the impact. "Ugh. I'm sure that hurt. Ranma, you
did it again. But this time"--her gaze trailed along the smouldering
pavement to the crumbling wall of the nearby shops-- "you did a lot more
damage." She sighed. The owners weren't going to be happy to see their
stores in the morning.
"No kidding." Ranma ignored the abused buildings to regard the
smoking form of Kunou and shrugged. Like the old freak, Kunou would
recover--after a day or two.
"You sure you're okay?"
Ranma rolled her eyes. "I'm fine. I'm just glad I got that lech
off me. Seems like he was squeezing a lot harder than usual, if such a
thing's possible for him."
"Mmm." Akane stood back and regarded Ranma. Her fiance had this
odd expression on her face. Akane wasn't sure, but ideas were forming
underneath that mop of red hair, ideas Akane knew would make trouble for
days to come.
"Uh, Ranma?" She watched as Ranma clenched her fists. "Are you
feeling... those pains again? You don't look so..."
Ranma started smiling, then laughing maniacally. Akane "promise
posed," taken off-guard.
"You know, Akane," Ranma said between cackles, "I think _this_
curse might be the answer to my problems!"
Part II: Sunday in the Park with... Kunou?!
"Welcome to womanhood, Ranma," Nabiki quipped, jabbing Ranma in
the side, a huge smile on her face.
Her target, comtemplating against the door frame, opened one eye to
glare at her. "Leave me alone, Nabiki."
"Oh, this is rich. Rich!" Nabiki giggled, thinking of the
numerous opportunities this was opening for her.
"What's rich?" Just then Akane entered, dressed in her gi and
wiping her forehead and neck with a towel. She stopped short when she
spied Ranma.
"Wha--" she mumbled, her eyes making that squelchy nocie as she
blinked. "Ranma--why are you a girl right now?" Especially since Dr.
Toufuu had advised he try to avoid being a girl until this was over.
Nabiki giggled. "Just experiencing the joys of womanhood, aren't
you, young lady?"
Ranma speered her with a dark look. "Shaddup!"
"Nabiki, leave him alone," Akane snapped.
Her elder sister stepped back. "Oh, you're defending him again.
How sweet."
Akane bared her teeth. "I am not!"
"Uh-huh, whatever you say." Still giggling, Nabiki sauntered out
of the room.
Sighing, Akane turned back to Ranma. "Well, what's with the girl
body? Can't follow doctor's orders?"
Ranma sniffed and turned up her nose. "Not that you care, but I'm
like this for a reason."
Akane casually slung her towel over her shoulder. "Which is?"
"It just so happens I can cope with this 'Haze thing better when
I'm female. I don't wanna stay like this--it brings back memories of
being stuck like this--but it's only for a few days at least."
"Huh?" Akane stared at her. "You mean you can't handle it in your
regular body? And you call yourself a man! Ha!"
"Hey, back off!" Ranma brought up her fist, although she wasn't
about to strike her fiancee. "Would you rather I passed out every time I
got pissed off? Huh? Would you?"
Akane swallowed. "Oh, is... that why you fell into the water
yesterday?"
"Yeah, I..." Ranma clenched and unclenched her fist,
remembering. "Right after I knocked Kunou out I started thinking about
every time that jerk's touched me, and... my boy body reacted kinda
badly."
"So you fainted."
"I _passed out_. There's a difference."
"Umm."
"Anyway," Ranma continued, flustered, "whenever I get really mad,
I get this weird tingling sensation. I usually end up blasting some jerk
to kingdom come when I'm a girl, but when it happens when I'm a boy, I-I--
"
"Faint."
"Pass out!"
Akane sniffed. "Whatever." Suddenly she felt a little sheepish.
Then her jaw hardened. "Well, anyway," she called over her shoulder as
she ascended the stairs, "deal with it as best you can. Just don't go
chasing Kunou or anything."
Ranma choked. "Are you NUTS? Why would I--"
Akane giggled. "You just can't take a joke, can you?" Then she
froze. She'd just reminded Ranma of Kunou! <Uh-oh. What if he...>
To her relief, Ranma's only reaction was letting her face drain of
color. Akane snorted and ascended the stairs. <Guess the idiot knows
better than to try that on _me_.>
"Chase after Kunou? What kind of guy does she think I am?" As
soon as the words came out, Ranma looked down at herself, and a half-smile
formed on her face. "Humph. Well, she hasn't a thing to worry about.
Kunou chases _me,_ not the other way around. And I know why." She
smirked. "My sex appeal--something Akane wishes she had."
A split second later a heavy chair came crashing down.
"Master Kunou, Master Kunou, are you all right?" Sasuke, the
Kunou's ninja, asked, shaking his employer.
"Huh--what--where am I?" Kunou groaned.
"At home, Master. I, your own humble manservant, discovered you
lying in the streets two days ago and saw fit to bear you home."
"Is that so?" Kunou replied absentmindedly. He sat up and
squinted, trying to make out his surroundings. He glanced down at his
tattered robe and winced, remembering. "Ugh. Methinks the lady doth
protest too much."
Sasuke blinked. "Uh, Master, what are you talking about?"
Kunou calmly mustered enough strength to pound Sasuke with his
replacement bokken.
"Fool!" he yelled. "Can you not see my battered body?"
"Uh, no, Master. Unfortunately I ...can't open my eyes just
now--ohh!" He fainted.
Kunou continued on regardless. "Oh, what a tragedy! My beloved
Pig-Tailed Goddess, who relished my caresses one moment, turned against me
the next." He sobbed, recalling the horror vividly. "She would never
have done so on her own." He clenched and shook his fist at the heavens.
"That Ranma Saotome is to blame. I curse the day I ever met him!"
He leapt from his futon, tromping Sasuke in the process, and
melodramatically threw himself against the window.
"My love, my poor, innocent love. How could she do this to me?
Even under that cursed Ranma Saotome's influence, could she not see that
all I desire is to bask in her presence, to shower her with gifts, to date
with her--"
Kunou froze, his strange little mind struggling to find a logical
reason for his Goddess' behavior. Suddenly he had it.
"Of course! How could I not have seen it? A date. She is angry
because I have not requested a date with her. It has been too long
indeed." He turned around, looking for his manservant. "My good Sasuke,
attend me." When the small ninja didn't answer, Kunou frowned. "Sasuke?
Where are--" Then he spotted Sasuke, sprawled out on the floor. Gritting
his teeth, he kicked him. "Wake up, you idiot!"
"Eh?" The sudden pain woke Sasuke from unconsciousness. The next
thing he knew, Kunou had grabbed him by his collar and dragged him up so
he could look his master straight in the eye.
"Sasuke, I will pen a letter, and you will deliver it to the Pig-
Tailed One. Immediately."
"A letter from Kunou?" Ranma, in boy form for the time being, eyed
the piece of paper a beaming Nabiki handed him.
"You got it." Nabiki winked. "Sasuke left it. Kunou-baby just
can't get enough of you, can he?" she added, waving as she left the room.
Shivers ran up and down Ranma's spine. <Now what does the jerk
want?> he wondered, working to keep his anger in check. Groaning, he
skimmed the letter and winced. Just as he'd suspected, it was to his
girl-side. <That guy never gives up,> he thought as he continued
reading. Although most believed the lovesick Kunou didn't understand the
male and female Ranmas were one in the same, Ranma couldn't help but
wonder sometimes. After all, the guy _had_ seen him transform in front of
him several times, although Kunou _did_ seem to misinterpret the change.
A whole lot.
"He wants a date. Shoulda known." Otoko-Ranma threw the paper
aside and slumped back down on the futon. He stared at the ceiling for a
while, imagining patterns in the woodwork as he mused.
<A date. Yeah, right. Like I'd want to go out with a nuisance
like him. And even if I did have a good--a really good--reason for
putting myself through _that_ again-->
As soon as he'd thought it, he bolted upright and slapped his
forehead. <Man, I'm such a... . Of _course_ I've got a good reason.>
His eyes narrowed.
He reached for a nearby pen to write an answer.
"Are you sure you want to go through with this, Ranma?"
Onna-Ranma eyed Akane askance. "Might as well." She looked
herself over in the mirror and nodded at her reflection.
Annoyed, Akane leaned against the wall and folded her arms. "Boy,
if your mother could see you now."
Ranma eyed her sideways. "Ma won't be back for another week, so
she won't see nothing, will she?" she snapped. "Besides, I have to look
convincing for that jerk Kunou."
Akane rolled her eyes and changed the subject. "Ranma, I know
Kunou's a pain, but why bother?"
"Isn't it obvious?" Ranma casually flicked aside her pigtail. "I
mean, I might as well make the most out of this little 'problem' of mine,
dontcha think? You have no idea how disgusted I feel whenever he touches
me." She made a face.
"Um, excuse me, Ranma, but Kunou's obsessed with me, too," Akane
pointed out. "And he's grabbed me a few times, too, though he seems to
prefer you."
Ranma decided she didn't like the sneer in Akane's voice. "And
what's _that_ supposed to mean, huh?"
Akane narrowed her eyes. "Oh, surely you remember the time you
kissed him?"
Ranma looked her straight in the eye. "Look," she said, jabbing a
finger in Akane's direction, "that was during that dumb play, and I put
tape over his mouth first! It didn't count!"
Akane yawned. "Right." She decided to let the matter drop.
"Still, though... Ranma, don't you think this plan is a little
sadistic? You know, he's certain to grab you, and when he does..."
She shivered in spite of herself at the memory of Ranma's ki blasts.
Luckily the pond and yard weren't damaged beyond repair. Nor were Ranma's
two victims, Happousai and Kunou. She marveled at that. Maybe deep down
inside Ranma didn't want to kill them, just teach them a lesson.
"Sadistic? Ha!" Ranma snorted. "How can you talk, when all you
ever do is slam me around? Boy, are you unladylike!"
Fire danced in Akane's eyes, and suddenly she was doing the blue-
aura thing again. Ranma gulped. <Why don't I learn to keep my big mouth
shut?>
But strangely enough, Akane didn't hit her, just gave her the evil
eye. <Hmm,> Ranma thought, terrified, <that means I'm a dead man when I
come home.>
Then Akane smiled her I'm-going-to-kill-you-when-you-least-expect-
it smile and said very sweetly, "Well, enjoy your date. I hope you have
lots of fun."
"Uh, yeah," the red-head replied, sweating.
"Such a glorious day! A good omen. It means my rendezvous with
the Pig-Tailed Girl will run smoothly."
Tatewaki Kunou, dressed in one of his finest samurai robes and
holding a bouquet of roses, stood beside the park fountain. Oblivious to
everything around him, he could think of only one thing: making up with
his scorned love.
It was 8:15 p.m. She was fifteen minutes late. Kunou peered
around.
"Whither my Pig-Tailed Goddess?" he wondered aloud.
"I'm, ah, right here," a familiar voice answered.
Kunou glanced up. Perched atop one of the branches was Ranma,
wearing the red and gold Chinese style dress Kunou favored. Gracefully
she bolted from the branch to land a few feet away.
"As lithe and as graceful as the Goddess Diana," commented Kunou.
<Yeah, whatever.> Ranma took a deep breath and with ease slipped
into her "kawaii but angry as hell" persona. She turned her back on him
and pouted.
"Humph. You're lucky I answered your letter, Kunou. I'm really
quite angry with you, you know." For good measure she let her voice
falter a bit.
Kunou caught the undertone of distress in her voice and started
sweating. "My love, I'm sorry to have caused you grief." Involuntarily
he reached for her.
Ranma caught the movement out the corner of her eye and grinned
mischieviously. <That's it, Kunou. One little touch, and then... >
Perfectly still, Ranma braced herself for the inevitable.
Kunou's hands never reached her.
She frowned. <Now what?> Impatient, she spun around to see Kunou
. . hesitating?
"Uh, Kunou, what's wrong? Aren't you gonna..."
Kunou blinked. Unless Ranma was crazy, the samurai appeared...
uneasy?
"Pig-Tailed Girl," he said, "forgive me. Usually I am not one to
refuse comfort to a lady in need, but... as I recall... you were
somewhat... peeved the other day, and you, ah..."
Ranma paled, bracing herself for a heart attack. Kunou was
_remembering that_? "You-you remember what I did to you?"
"Yes, my love. I, Tatewaki Kunou--"
<Oh god. Another speech.> Ranma tapped her foot impatiently.
"--have realized the folly of my ways. Your anger was as righteous
as that of the Goddess Nemesis. Truly my negligence to date with you more
often inspired your ire. Allow me to make up for it." Like a dashing Sir
Galahad, Kunou handed her the bouquet. "Ahem. These are for you."
Ranma gulped. Something was seriously wrong here. This wasn't the
Kunou she was used to. And it was really, really scary.
"Gee, thanks," Ranma, completely as at a loss, mumbled as she took
the roses. <Oh, man. Not only doesn he remember what I did, but he feels
sorry he made me mad! Damn. This screws up everything.> Her left eye
started twitching.
The look of distress on her face alarmed Kunou. "What? Have I
wronged you again? Arrgh! I curse the day I was born!" Without thinking
he flew to her and grabbed her hands, making her drop the bouquet.
Ranma snapped out it, thinking here was her chance.
Something stirred, but... she couldn't project her ki.
<What the hell... ?>
"Pig-Tailed Girl," her suitor continued, gazing into her eyes
despite the fact she wasn't even focusing on him, "from now on I will
conduct myself like a true gentleman. I shall devote myself to you every
waking day of my life."
Ranma's jaw dropped. <You don't realize you've been doing that all
along? Where have you been?>
"Besides," he continued, "it is time to seal our bond of love
forever."
"FOREVER?"
"Ah, you are as overjoyed as I!" Tears of joy streamed down his
face as he hugged her close.
Ranma thought, <Surely now... >
Again the stirring of something, then... nothing.
<What's wrong with me? This jerk has touched me twice, and I still
can't arouse my ki.> She frowned. <The pain's still there, but it's not
as bad as when I'm a boy.> Squirming in Kunou's embrace as the samurai
babbled on, Ranma wracked her brain. <OK, when Dr. Toufuu mentioned that
freak Happousai's name, I almost did it then. Almost. I felt the anger
and pain, but my ki wouldn't respond.> She tried to wiggle out again, but
to no avail. She sighed and continued musing. She recalled the last
times she was able to use the 'Haze--once when Happousai had grabbed her
chest the other day, the second when Kunou had squeezed her behind in the
water--
Suddenly it dawned on her. Physical perversion. Those instances
included physical acts of perversion. Maybe her ki wasn't responding
because Kunou wasn't grabbing choice parts of her anatomy. He was
definitely just holding her, not feeling her up as he usually did.
<But I don't like him or that little freak touching me--period,>
her thoughts screamed. <And this still doesn't make sense. I mean, the
old freak is still as twisted as ever, though he _has_ been avoiding me
lately. Right now it's just this--ugh!--fool that's changed.>
Feeling ill, Ranma broke out of her reverie just in time to hear
Kunou's latest outbursts.
"My love," he was saying, "it is time we take one step further to
our eternal happiness: We must announce our engagement to the world!"
"En-en-GAGEMENT?"
"Yes, my love, for we are to wed soon. Bwahhahahahahaaaa!"
That was just too much for Ranma. Her eyes welling up with tears,
she let out a bloodcurdling scream.
Akane glanced up as the front door slided open. In walked Ranma,
staggering and staring forward as if she were hypnotized.
"Ranma? What's wrong with you?"
"He... he..." the red-head mumbled.
Akane rolled her eyes. "Let me guess. You had a wonderful time on
your 'date,' is that it?"
Then Ranma did something truly unexpected. She ran into Akane's
arms and burst out wailing.
"Aaaaaah! Ranma, what-what's wrong with you? Get off!"
Akane's outburst brought various members of the household running.
They rushed in to find Ranma sobbing into Akane's lap.
"Oh, dear. Did you hit him again, Akane?" asked Kasumi.
"Son," Souun said, confused and a little uncomfortable with where
Ranma's head was resting, "what are you doing?"
<Ranma,> Genma-Panda's sign read, <be a man and stop crying.>
"Ooh, boy," Nabiki commented, "I guess Kunou-baby wasn't exactly
gentle, was he?"
"Would you guys stop it?" Bombarding her family with dirty looks,
Akane reached down and pushed her fiance back. She started to shake her
when she noticed the terror on Ranma's face.
"Hey, you-you don't look so good," Akane whispered, worried.
"He sure doesn't," Nabiki added, bending down to look Ranma in the
face. "Gosh, he looks like he's been to hell and back."
"I have," the red-head whipsered hoarsely.
"Eh?" Souun leaped forward and grabbed Ranma by the collar of her
dress. "Son, what happened to you? Snap out of it!" He shook her. When
his future son-in-law didn't respond, Souun burst into tears.
"Dad! Stop it." Akane grabbed Ranma just as her father let go and
began wailing to the kami about Ranma being brain-dead, and how he'd lost
his one chance of getting one of his daughters wed. Kasumi and Nabiki
continued to look on while Genma-Panda munched a piece of bamboo.
Furious with her fiance's behavior, Akane shook Ranma one last
time. "All right, you. Out with it. Why are you acting like such a
baby?"
Slowly Ranma turned her head to look Akane straight in the eye.
"Kunou told me he and I are getting m... m-ma..."
"Getting WHAT?"
"... m-married..." Ranma forced out.
Shocked beyond belief, everyone (except Akane, who was too busy
twitching), crashed to the floor in a group faint.
Part III: Always a Bridesmaid and Never a Groom
"I hate my life... I hate my life... oh god, do I hate my life!"
Otoko-Ranma lay on his futon, staring up at the ceiling as he
shared his anguish with the world.
"He's sending out invitations. Invitations!" he wailed.
Meanwhile, outside the door, the rest of the cast tittered amongst
themselves.
"So it's finally happened," Nabiki was saying. "I know Ranma's
been trying to get out of marrying you, Akane, but this--"
"Akane," Kasumi said, "I know you and Ranma argue a lot, but--"
Ranma's voice (in the background): "And he's planning to announce
it all over town! I'll be ruined!"
<Why does the boy always try to undermine fate?> Genma-Panda
signed, ignoring his son's outbursts.
"Akane, oh, Akane," Souun sobbed, "I'm so sorry for you--"
"WOULD YOU PLEASE STOP IT?" Akane thundered.
Everyone immediately quieted while taking two--or three--steps
back.
"And I though it was Ranma who was going to be hormonal," Nabiki
commented half to herself, stepping out of harm's way.
"Akane," Souun interjected, grabbing his little girl's hands, his
tear-stained face staring into hers, "please, please go talk him out of
it. This is such a travesty! What will become of the Anything Goes
School of Martial Arts if Ranma... if Ranma..." Grief overcame him.
Biting back an urge to scream, Akane took a deep breath. "Dad,
Ranma's not going to marry Kunou. It's all a big misunderstanding. You
know how Kunou is."
"Yeah, lord of the biggest libido on the planet, besides
Happousai," Nabiki quipped.
"But Akane," Kasumi pointed out, "Ranma says he and Kunou are--"
"Getting married!" Souun finished, wailing.
"Yes, exactly," Kasumi continued evenly. "You should go talk to
him. As his fiancee, it's your duty to--"
"My duty, my duty--it's always my duty!" Akane shouted.
"Honestly! You don't have anything to worry about. Ranma's not going to
marry Kunou. He_hates_ Kunou. He has _no desire_ for Kunou. None.
Besides, he's engaged to me."
"Meaning?" Nabiki prompted. Everyone leaned forward.
The short-haired young woman's battle aura started flaring up.
"Meaning," she hissed through her teeth, "that he's not going to marry an
even bigger pervert than himself. That he's going to be a single man for
the rest of his life. Period. That's"--deep breath-- "all."
"Oh." Everyone looked disappointed.
Akane blinked. Was this really her family? Muttering under her
breath, she marched away.
<Well,> Genma-Panda signed, <we're not getting anywhere with those
two.>
"I agree, Saotome," babbled the still-weepy Souun, draping an arm
around his old friend's furry shoulders. The two fathers shuffled away
with Kasumi and Nabiki in tow.
Only when they were gone did Akane slip back to the door, knock
cautiously, and sneak inside.
"Ranma?" She shut the door as quietly as possible and turned to
see her fiance sitting up, sulking.
"Whaddaya want?" he grumbled.
She folded her arms. "Well, Mr. Hot-Shot Martial Artist, how are
you going to handle this situation?"
"Whadda you care?" He suddenly became interested in the floor.
Akane turned up her nose. "It's possible I don't. But then, maybe
I'm just curious."
"Nosy is more like it," Ranma muttered.
Silence. Akane turned away.
<She probably just came here to rub my face in it,> he mused,
forgetting Akane for the moment. <Oh man. What a life. First this Red
Haze thing, and now this.>
"Man, I can't believe it didn't work!"
"What didn't work?"
Ranma's pigtail stood erect. "You still here?"
"Yes, stupid. What didn't work?" she repeated, sitting down next
to him.
He glanced away. "That so-called devastating technique Dr. Toufuu
says I've got didn't work at all."
"But-but that can't be. Didn't Kunou--didn't he--"
"Of course he did! When hasn't he?" He shuddered with the
memories of Kunou's numerous perversions against him. "It's just that . .
that last time, I couldn't perform."
Akane swallowed. "P-perform?"
"Hey!" Ranma frowned, eyeing her askance. "Not _that._ Geez, and
you call me a pervert!"
"Couldn't resist," said Akane drily.
*Grumble.* "Anyway, I couldn't project my ki. I felt the pain and
anger, but I couldn't do it. And I really, really wanted to teach that
jerk a lesson." He stared down at the sheets, squinting as he thought the
matter over. "If I didn't know better, I'd say I scared the hell out of
him... and it... changed him." He briefly told Akane everything
about the date. When he finished, Akane's hand flew over her mouth.
"So _that's_ what provokes it? But then--why haven't you been
able to do this before? Your ki potential is pretty strong to begin
with."
"Geez, how should I know? I sure as hell..." He stopped, sensing
the pain.
Akane gasped. "What is it?"
Ranma took a deep breath. "I... gotta watch getting angry in my
regular body," he explained.
Understanding, Akane nodded.
He raked a hand through his thick mop of black hair. "Ugh. If I
don't think of something fast, I'm gonna end up killing the jerk."
<Or getting killed,> Akane thought. <Something like this just
might drive Dad completely over the edge.> "So... why don't you just
beat him up or something? That's about the same as ki-blasting him--and
probably less destructive. Besides, a macho jerk like you always thinks
fighting is the way to
solve anything."
"Aw, what good will that do? You're such an idiot sometimes,
Akane, I swear. You know as well as I do that it's the _girl_ me than has
more influence with that twit."
Bristling under his latest insult, Akane spat, "Well, obviously the
_girl_ you failed miserably, or you wouldn't be in this mess."
"What?"
"Well, it's true. Face it, Ranma, you lost that fight."
"Hey, I don't lose to nobody, especially not to a pea-brain like
Kunou!"
Akane's gaze was riveted on him. "So what are you going to do?"
"Well, I'm gonna... gonna... uh..." He blushed deep red.
"You have no idea."
"I never said that!"
Rolling her eyes, Akane got up. "Well, you'd better think of
something, or it's 'traditional Japanese wife' for you."
Ranma looked as if he wanted to die. "Don't say that!" He watched
her move towards the door. "You're-you're just gonna leave me in my
misery?"
"You want me to stay?" She glanced back at him. Almost lovingly.
"Uh..." Ranma briefly wondered just how red his face was. "No,
I just thought maybe you... needed to nag me a little more."
Akane sniffed. "Humph." She opened the door and jumped back as
several bodies tumbled through the doorway and onto the floor.
Otoko-Ranma dashed up to Akane, who was making her way to the
training hall, and grabbed her by her shoulders.
"Hey!" Her ire was enflamed, but strangely she didn't hit him.
"Now what's wrong with you?"
"Akane, I got an idea! I know how to deal with Kunou!"
Her demeanor softened a little. "You do? How are you--"
"Well, I--" He stopped, realizing he was holding her, and that
maybe some of the cast members were spying on them--again. He hastily
let go.
As if sensing his thoughts, Akane jerked away. "Hands off!"
"Didn't wanna touch you. It was an accident. Nyaah!"
Akane balled up her fist. "Please say what you have to so I can
go," she growled through her teeth.
"Like I said, I found a way to deal with Kunou. It's the perfect
way to keep him from announcing our so-called 'nuptials.'" He gagged at
the last word.
"Which is?" his fiancee asked, feigning a yawn.
"Simple. Ki-blasting him."
Akane's irises shrunk to pinpoints. "With what--your Moukou
Takabisha?"
Ranma's irises followed suite. "No, you slow chick. With the
'Haze. Duh."
She tweaked his nose and ignored his squeal of pain as she thought.
She didn't want him resorting to the Red Haze, but she knew it was
pointless to argue with him. "But he won't touch you... like that,
anyway. Or have you forgotten?"
"No problem. I just gotta"--he forced the words out-- "make him
touch me."
Akane gasped. Getting Kunou to do that would definitely involve...
well, some form of seduction. She knew Ranma would do just about
anything to avenge himself, but still...
"You wouldn't." She shook her head. "Ranma, that's crazy! He's
hot enough for you as it is! Why make him worse?"
"You think I can't handle him?"
"You couldn't before!"
"Aw, that's because I... got distracted." <And because I didn't
think of it at the time.> "Besides, I ain't gonna... you know..."
At a loss, Akane chewed her bottom lip. "You really think your
plan's going to work?" It sounded like a question, but she meant it more
like a statement.
As usual, Ranma's arrogance resurfaced. "Hey, you're looking at
Ranma Saotome. I don't fail."
"Course not." She shook her head. "You really will do anything to
win a fight," she muttered before walking past him.
As he watched her retreating form, Ranma sighed.
<Man, how pathetic. I'd swear the tomboy was right.>
Hours later an arrow bearing a letter whizzed its way onto the
Kunou grounds. Luckily Sasuke was nearby to retrieve it (he'd narrowly
missed being skewered by it, after all). Noting it was addressed to
Kunou, the little ninja hurried to where his master was practicing.
Sasuke found Kunou fencing out in the courtyard and handed him the
letter. As Kunou had hoped, it ws from his Pig-Tailed Goddess, requesting
he meet her in the practice field of Furinkan High at 8pm that night.
After reading it, Kunou burst into tears of joy and started thinking about
wedding bands.
"Stupid jerk is late," Onna-Ranma muttered, leaning against a
tree. "Shoulda known. He's probably somewhere composing an ode to my
hair or something similarly dumb like that."
Unconsciously Ranma smoothed the off-the-shoulder green dress she
wore. It was a little form-hugging, but Ranma wasn't concerned. Although
he knew the impact his female self had on males--especially ones like
Kunou--Ranma felt that as long as the ends justified the means, it was OK.
It was another twenty minutes before Kunou finally arrived.
"Just like the rich to be fashionably late," Ranma drawled, spying
Kunou's approaching form. This time he wore a different, more elaborate
robe, had his bokken scabbarded at his side, carried another bouquet of
roses--and a little black box which had to include an engagement ring.
"Veiled by the blessed night, the noble lord goes to meet his lady
fair," Kunou intoned, stopping a couple of feet away.
Ranma marveled at the sight. <Geez, he went all out,> she
mentally commented, glancing over his emsemble.
"So, my love, you've beckoned, and I've come," Kunou continued.
He admired her. "How lovely you are."
"Um, yeah," was all Ranma could say.
A moment of silence. Then Kunou burst into tears, causing a
shocked Ranma to spring back, "promise posing."
"At last!" he shouted to the skies, still clutching the bouquet
and ring. "I, Tatewaki Kunou, have truly found happiness." Before Ranma
could move, he leapt forward and grabbed her hands, provoking an *eep!*
from his beloved. "Soon, my Pig-Tailed Venus, the preparations will be
final."
"Oh... will they?" Ranma half-giggled, half whimpered.
"Why, of course! Even as we speak, my good Sasuke is preparing to
send out the wedding announcements."
The red-head's eyes widened until they covered over half her face.
"Wedding announcements?!"
"Indeed. Even my twisted sister Kodachi, the Black Rose herself,
has offered to help." His expression became thoughtful. "She insists on
baking the wedding cake, which will be poisoned, I'd wager."
Ranma started twitching. "Wedding cake..." A woman (man?)
of lesser constitution would have fainted dead away by now.
<Now this is going way too far!> Growling, Ranma wrenched her
hands away. "No, no, no, NO!"
Kunou blinked. "You are not pleased? I know my sister has a
grudge against you, but surely this time she means well--"
Ranma screamed and grabbed him by the collar. "No, you blockhead,
that's not what I meant!" For good measure she shook him.
The samurai started sweating. "Pig-Tailed Girl, what have I done?"
"What have you--" Now Ranma knew this had to be a nightmare. This
Kunou couldn't be the same one who'd lusted after and pursued her all this
time. And he hadn't started acting this way until Ranma had Hazed him.
<For crying out loud--what did I _do_ to him?>
Frustrated beyond belief, Ranma leapt back. The plan she'd
formulated completely discarded, she assumed a battle-ready stance. "OK,
you. I don't know what your problem is, but I've had enough! I ain't
marrying you, you got that? And you can tell that little chipmunk ninja
of yours to forget about sending out any invitations." She scowled. "So
suck on that. And if you wanna fight about it, I'm ready."
Kunou stood stock-still, completely at a loss. "Come again? Fight
you? It is not a gentleman's place to fight a lady."
"WHAT are you babbling about? Let's fight already!"
"It's like before," Kunou whispered. "You cherished my attentions
one moment, and scorned me the next." He stared at the red-head a second,
then his eyes narrowed.
"Ah, but I know what troubles you. It is that cretin, Ranma
Saotome! That evil spawn of hell has once again worked his evil upon a
pure, innocent maiden!" With a flourish he whipped out his bokken and
raised it over his head. "Enslaver of maids, where are you hiding?" He
gazed about the moonlit field. "Come out so that I may punish you!"
"That's--it!" Ranma shrieked. "You idiot--I'M Ranma Saotome. How
many times do I gotta tell you that?"
"You?" Kunou broke out of his reverie and nearly dropped his sword
as he regarded her. "Impossible! You merely share his name. You are
nothing like him."
"Oh, yeah?" Tingling with her regular ki, Ranma sneered. "You
think so? I've told you a thousand times that Ranma's in this body."
"In your..." Kunou paled, wracking his brain for what that
meant. Slowly he lowered his sword.
An alarm went off in Ranma's head. <_Now_ what?>
"In your... body?" Kunou repeated. "In... your..." He
started sweating profusely, gaze riveted on her. "Then... it is true."
He took one step towards her.
"WHAT?"
Another step. "That fiend! You poor maid. He truly _has_
enslaved you." Grief overtaking him, he dashed towards her.
"That monster! Come, my love--my embrace will free you!"
He "embraced" her.
Anyone nearby would have seen a flash of bright red and heard a
certain boy-girl screaming as she took out her frustrations on a certain
lovesick young man.
The next day Akane was sitting on the porch reading, watching as
Onna-Ranma ran about, screaming at Happousai, who'd recently returned and
was now chasing after her with a bra.
"That idiot," Akane muttered. She hoped he'd learned his lesson.
It was bad enough he hadn't quite resolved the Kunou dilemma, but now that
she thought about it, it was even worse that he'd spent all his time
ignoring the one pervert who really needed to be taught a lesson--
Happousai.
"Ooh, Ranma," Happousai was saying, "I'm so glad you got over
that nasty Red Haze thing. I knew all you needed was a few days for it to
pass. Now I can pursue you to my heart's content. Hee hee!" "Get away
from me!" Ranma screamed, dodging the old man and wishing desperately for
some hot water.
Nabiki, leaning against the doorframe in her usual spot, watched
the scene with her usual disinterest. "Happousai knew when to come back,
didn't he?"
"Seems he did," Akane agreed.
Her elder sister quirked an eye at her. "So are you gonna help him
or not?"
"Aaaaaaaaah! Stop touching me!"
"Ooh, baby!"
"Well?" Nabiki prompted.
Akane didn't answer. She reached into hammerspace for her mallet.
A second later Happousai flew into orbit. Ranma, however, was unscathed.
The next thing she knew, Akane was pouring hot water on her head.
"Um... thanks. I needed that," Otoko-Ranma muttered, eyes
downcast.
Since Nabiki was busy scanning the skies for Happousai's Comet,
Akane bent down to whisper in her intended's ear.
"Next time this Red Haze thing comes around, perhaps you'll put it
to better use." She glanced up as Happousai's small figure reappeared in
the sky.
Ranma followed his fiancee's gaze, sensing her meaning.
"Hmm," he said, narrowing his eyes. "Maybe you're right."
*THE END... FOR NOW ;)*
Author's Note: Well, hope you enjoyed my fanfic. I just got an idea and
decided to run with it. This is the first in a series of stories covering
events in Ranma's life which bring him and Akane closer together.
About Kunou's behavior--I just couldn't help myself. Kunou may be a nut,
but I find him fun to work with. And I did want to give him a chance to
redeem himself. Yeah, he's back to normal (abnormal?), but for how long?
And just how 'back to normal (abnormal?)' is he?
About Happousai--I've got plans for that little... *insert expletive
here*. Don't worry. I've got it all worked out. *suddenly growing a
pair of Oni-horns and laughing maniacally* Hmm, I think I'll have to do
something really eeeeevvill...
Be sure to look for my next installment entitled, "The Love Bug:
Happousai's Revenge." Surprised by the title? Just you wait... .
Well, see ya. :)
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Ranma 1/2 Fanfiction: "The Love Bug: Happousai's Revenge" (Installment
#2)
By: Dark Phoenix (Carolyn Brickhouse)
Disclaimer: Yes, all of these characters ultimately belong to Takahashi
Rumiko-sama (long may she reign as
Princess of the Manga!), but the story idea is mine. For continuity's
sake it might behoove thee (oh
god, I'm starting to sound like Kunou-chan) to read my previous
installment "Onslaught of the Red Haze."
As I mentioned in my "Haze" story, my tales take place sometime after the
events of manga Vol. 38. And
now, the travesty--er, story. :)
PART I: Hell Hath No Fury Like a Hentai Scorned
Little did our beloved friends in the Ranmaverse know was that they
were about to encounter one of the legendary Love Bugs.
What are Love Bugs? They're a species of large insects that are a
cross between mosquitoes and wasps which serve the Kami of Love. As such,
these Bugs' sole purpose is to bless couples truly in love by leaving a
heart-
shaped sting mark over the hearts of the lucky guy and gal (or whatever),
said
to be visible for at least a couple of weeks.
Yes, they are noble creatures, but they, too, have a dark side.
You
see, Love Bugs are extremely temperamental and don't like to be told
they've
made a mistake in blessing someone's relationship. In fact, the world can
go
straight to hell when certain people take it upon themselves to set a Love
Bug
straight . . .
"Ooooh, I'm the happiest man alive!"
Happousai, ancient and perverted martial arts master, rubbed his
hands
in anticipation. There they were--several pairs of women's underwear
hanging
alone and unloved on the clothesline. Crouching on the roof, Happousai
made a
tsk-tsk noise and affected remorse.
"How sad. To think that some poor, lovely young woman would leave
her
silky darlings out in the cold like that. Oh, the evil!" He took a deep
breath, and like a flying squirrel glided down to the clothesline.
He landed on the line with a soft bounce and chuckled. Hefting the
bag over his shoulder, he reached for the garments and snatched them up,
one
by one.
"Hmm," he murmured as he inspected one of the bras, "now this would
look great on Ranma- chan."
The mentioning of Ranma Saotome's alter ego made Happousai shake
with
rage. How dare that ingrate boy--or _girl,_ as Ranma was at the
time--attack
him with the devastating Red Haze and cause him to miss work for two whole
days! Thank the kami the upstart wouldn't be "in phase" for another month.
(Note: The "Red Haze" is a special technique I gave Ranma for his female
form. A physical act of perversion, i.e., grabbing on "her" anatomy, is
what
triggers it. Unfortunately, Ranma can only access this power when he/she
is
"in phase," that is, during that special time of the month.)
Anger churning within him, Happousai snarled. <That young punk has
absolutely no respect for his master, or his master's wishes,> he mused,
licking his lips as he thought of Onna-Ranma, with her lovely hair, her
lovely
eyes, her lovely--
"Bah!" Happousai spat, stuffing another bra into his bag. "Why am
I
here pining anyway? I've got work to do. Besides, I'll get even. Oh, yes,
Ranma will pay. No one makes a fool of Master Happousai and gets away with
it!" He grabbed the last undergarment and spun around--
--to stare up the pointy beak of a weird-looking insect.
"Whoa!" Happousai jumped back as he regarded the mosquito-wasp
whose
buzzing wings gave off a soft pink glow. The creature was easily as big as
a
normal person's fist and had huge, faceted eyes. Judging from the size of
the
insect's beak and stinger, Happousai got the idea that swatting at it would
be
detrimental to his health.
<<Hello, there,>> the Bug thought at him.
Happousai blinked. A psychic bug? What kind of creature was this?
"Uh . . . " he began.
<<Oh, I'm sorry,>> the Bug said in his mind. <<I didn't mean to
sneak
up on you like that, but I was buzzing around and lost my way-->>
"Oh, think nothing of it," replied the old man, relieved that the
Bug
wasn't hostile. "It happens." He hurriedly shoved a stray bra strap down
into his bag.
The creature sighed. <<Oh good. I was worried. You see, I'm a
third
class, semi-limited Love Bug just recently sent from the Goddess Relief
Office, and-->>
"Love Bug?" Happousai wracked his brain. Then he brightened.
"Ah,
yes, now I remember! You _are_ one of those illustrious creatures. I take
it
you're on assignment to bless some lucky couple in love." He laughed, he
hoped, good- naturedly. "I'm, ah, guessing that I'm probably not the lucky
stud of the pair."
<<True,>> the Love Bug continued, <<but since you're here, could
you
please help me?>> It gave one of those large-eyed pleading kawaii looks.
Even a monster like Happousai was helpless before a look like that,
especially since the Bug's mind-voice sounded like that of a young female.
"Certainly, little one," he said.
The Bug actually looked relieved. <<Well, you see, my Hive
Supervisor
sent me out to bless someone named-->> It paused, trying hard to remember.
<<Oh dear. Let's see. I know it's a young man, he's got a curse-->>
"Turns into a busty young woman?" Happousai slavered.
The Bug brightened. <<Why yes! You've heard of him?>>
"Why, of course, little one. Everyone knows about him." His eyes
narrowed. "So you're looking for Ranma Saotome, eh?"
<<Yes. I have to find him. He's long overdo for a blessing, he
and
that cute fiancee of his--oh, what's her name-->>
"Akane Tendou," Happousai proffered.
<<Right. Do you know where they are?>>
Happousai didn't answer. He was remembering something about Love
Bugs
and their pride. He began chuckling, then he launched into full-scale
cackling.
"You poor little thing," Happousai said, affecting sorrow, "have I
got something to tell you about those two!"
Otoko-Ranma adjusted the strap on the enormous backpack he carried
and
glared at his father. Genma Saotome, in human form for a change, trudged
up
the slope easily, having pushed his burden off on his son.
"Hey, old man," Ranma called, perfectly able to keep up the pace
but
refusing to venture too close to the man who'd screwed him over countless
times, "how come I gotta carry all this crap?"
Genma pushed up his specs and glanced back. "It's for your own
good,
boy," he answered in his usual patronizing tone. "You've been slacking
off
lately, and carrying that load will be good exercise for you."
"That's right, Son," Souun Tendou agreed from a couple of feet
ahead.
"A true martial artist must always stay in perfect physical shape."
"Besides," Genma laughed, "it's not every day we get a chance to go
camping."
"Camping? Hah!" Ranma snorted. "The only reason we're on this
stupid trek is because Ma came back from her trip and decided I needed to
go
back into the wilderness to train." He had a flashback to his mother
Nodoka,
waving her polished katana and smiling, saying Ranma needed to stay strong
so
he could have strong children.
"And on top of that," he continued, "she insisted we bring the
tomboy."
"I heard that," the tomboy in question snapped from behind him,
struggling with her own pack and wishing she had something to clobber her
fiance with. "I can't believe Mrs. Saotome talked me into coming with you.
My life is miserable enough."
"_Your_ life?" Ranma glanced back at her. "How do you think I
feel?
I ain't gonna get a moment's peace with you whining and trying to poison
me.
Man, I wish Kasumi could've come. At least Nabiki had an excuse to stay
home.
Not that it matters 'cause even with just you around my life will be a
living
h--"
*Pow!*
Scowling, Ranma rubbed the back of his head. "Stupid woman. I was
just telling the truth."
"Oh yeah?" Akane's gaze burned into him. "Well, I guess now the
truth hurts, doesn't it?" Her brow furrowed prettily. "Besides, I've been
practicing with Kasumi lately, and I _can_ boil water. Whatever I cook,
you're going to eat and like!"
"Not if I don't want to."
"Now, now," Souun chucked nervously, stepping between the feuding
pair, "let's not have that. I really don't see why you two just can't be
civil to eath other--"
"WE DON'T WANT TO BE CIVIL TO EACH OTHER!" Ranma and Akane
informed
Souun simultaneously.
The hurricane their outburst generated blasted Souun down the
trail,
where he landed in a shaken heap.
"Tendou, are you okay?" Genma called after him. The gi-clad,
middle-
aged man shuffled down the slope after his friend.
Akane and Ranma groaned, rolled their eyes, and continued on their
way.
Meanwhile, Happousai was filling the Love Bug in on some much-
needed
information.
"It's true," the old man insisted, shaking his head. "Those two
can't stand each other. All they ever do is fight. If only you could've
seen
some of the horrible things those two have done to each other, and so many
innocent bystanders have been hurt . . . . " He affected an expression of
utmost sorrow.
<<But--but, that _can't_ be!>> the Love Bug's thoughts squealed as
it
began glowing an unsightly red. <<My Hive Supervisor never makes a
mistake.
Love Bugs DON'T make mistakes.>>
"Oop!" Happousai leaped back a foot or two as he felt the sting of
heat from the irritable insect. <Hmm,> the old man mused, <the legends are
indeed true. If I keep pushing the right buttons . . . >
"Now, now," the old man crooned, smiling in a grandfatherly way,
"you
shouldn't feel too bad. Humans are such fickle creatures, especially in
matters of love. Remember--Ranma and Akane were engaged against their
wills,
so it's only natural they hate each other."
The Love Bug's eyes narrowed. <<Hate each other?>>
"Well"--Happousai stroked an imaginary beard--"despise is probably
the
better word, I suppose. I'm surprised they haven't killed each other. And
that Ranma--the way he treats poor Akane, you'd think she were a mere fly
under the swatter. Oh, my! He's far worse than she is. An absolutely
evil
young man, I tell you. Simply evil!"
The ancient master paused to observe the Bug's reactions. Sure
enough, the creature shook in the air as though it were having a fit.
Certain
of his triumph, Happousai awaited the inevitable.
<<Why that . . . that . . . >> In such a short time the Love Bug
had
succumbed to complete and utter embarrassment, suspicion, and rage. Like
an
arrow it zipped up into the sky. As Happousai watched it leave, he heard
its
final thoughts.
<<I'll find them . . . I have to see . . . but it's not true, is
it?
Love Bugs DON'T make mistakes! But if that young man _is_ like that kind
old
man says he is . . . >> It buzzed out of sight.
Chuckling, Happousai nodded. Like love itself Love Bugs could be
highly irrational.
"Perhaps now the ingrate will be more respectful of his elders,"
the
old hentai cackled before springing off in the direction the Love Bug had
flown, his bag of loot slung over his back.
"Well, Akane, how's that curry coming along?"
Souun Tendou, warily gazing at the bubbling pot out the corner of
his
eye, nevertheless smiled warmly at his daughter as she stirred. Akane
glanced
up and grinned.
"I think it'll be ready in a few minutes, Dad." She wiped her
hands
on her apron, put another log on the fire, and took a deep breath. "Mmm, I
just love the great outdoors. Don't you, Dad?"
Souun took a deep breath and nodded. "Ah, yes. There's nothing
like
spending a relaxing evening under the moonlit sky." Overcome with
happiness,
he burst into tears.
Akane sighed. Her father would cry over _anything_. "At least
it's
pretty peaceful tonight."
"Come back here, you stupid old man!" Ranma's voice thundered.
Akane's left eye started twitching. <Oh no . . . >
Just then Genma burst out of the nearby bushes, sweating and
backing
away, his hands held up defensively. He looked like a man who knew Death
was
right behind him. "N-now, s-son," he babbled, "be reasonable. H-how was
I
s-supposed to know that mud-hole was there?" He giggled nervously.
A flung tree branch smacked him right on the head. Genma collapsed
in
a "promise posed" heap.
"Saotome!" Souun stopped weeping long enough to run over to his
injured friend, where he began weeping some more.
Rolling her eyes, Akane dropped the ladle. "What did you do _now,_
Mr. Saotome?" she asked, though she was certain it included irritating her
fiance.
As a reply her fiance emerged from the bushes, caked with mud,
soaking
wet, scowling like a deranged oni, and well, looking rather female at the
moment.
"Moron!" Onna-Ranma spat, stomping over to the campsite and
planting
herself down on the ground. Wiping a glop of mud out of her red hair, she
scowled at her father.
"Can't you two ever quit?" Akane grumbled and turned away, but not
before reaching behind herself to pull out a kettle of hot water. Casually
she set it down on the ground.
"Mind your own business, will ya?" Ranma growled before pouring
the
water on her head to change back into a male. That done, Otoko-Ranma
sighed
and sat with his head in his hands. "Man, turning into a girl ain't my
only
curse."
"Son," Souun said, leading his friend to the campfire, "how is it
that you repeatedly abuse your father this way?"
Ranma rolled his eyes at his future father-in-law. "Oh, and I
suppose
he's been giving me tender- loving-care all this time?" He brushed another
glob of caked mud off his body. "Besides, this trip was a complete waste
of
time. The only thing that stupid old man's been training me in is new ways
to
hurt him."
"Oh the horror!" Genma bawled, shaking his fists. "See, Tendou,
my
son is evil. Evil, I tell you!"
"Oh, shut up, Pop," his son snarled.
"Hey, hey, that's enough," Akane intervened. "It's time for
dinner."
Before the others could protest, she set a bowl of curry and a spoon in
front
of each male.
The men froze, eyeing the food placed in front of them, and
exchanged
nervous glances.
"Well, go on," Akane invited them, smiling. "Eat up. You should
like it, I think. Kasumi gave me some pointers, and I followed them right
to
the letter." She giggled.
"Uh," said Souun.
"Hmm," said Genma, squinting at his bowl.
"Oh god," said Ranma, sweating.
Silence. Slowly Akane leaned forward, still smiling.
"EAT IT!"
The sheer force of her request slammed all three of them onto their
backs.
"I went through all this trouble to cook this, and you three are
just
going to sit there?" Suddenly Akane was doing the blue-aura thing and
looking
woefully "uncute."
Souun and Genma hunched their shoulders. "But sweetheart," Souun
began.
"No buts, Dad! You either, Mr. Saotome. Now eat your dinner like
men." She sat back down, trying to regain her composure. "It's good."
"So you've tried it then?"
Akane fixed Ranma with a baleful glance. "No, I haven't, but
what's
that got to do with it?"
Her fiance cocked an eye at her. "It's got a lot to do with it,
tomboy. It means you were planning to kill us with it all along."
Souun and Genma gasped, and began scooting away.
"I see." The dark-haired young woman regarded her fiance a moment,
sat back--
--then sprang forward.
Under the moonlit sky Souun and Genma huddled together as Akane
showed
Ranma what she thought of his comments.
Little did the four know was that the going-ons at the campsite
were
being carefully studied by two hidden figures.
One was a strange-looking insect, its large sad eyes brimming with
tears as it shook with rage. The sky darkened with each bright red glow,
and
clouds slowly began gathering over the site.
The other figure, a cackling old geezer with a bag of scanties
slung
over his shoulder, rubbed his hands in anticipation of things to come.
"And take that, you jerk!"
With one last--*whack!*--Akane left Ranma in a crumpled, "promise
posed" heap. Wiping the sweat from her brow, she confined her mallet to
malletspace and plopped back down on the ground. "Humph!"
"Ohhh, the pain," Otoko-Ranma moaned from the ground.
Nearby Souun and Genma sighed. "It's sad really," Souun
commented.
Genma nodded. "Indeed, Tendou. You'd think the boy would've at
least
been a man and tasted it first before opening his mouth."
"And who are you to talk?" Ranma growled, mustering enough
strength
to rise from the ground, grab a smouldering log, and smack his father with
it.
"I didn't see _you_ tasting it."
"Owww!" Genma groaned.
Akane frowned. <Childish. Simply childish. Still, Mr. Saotome
probably deserved it anyway.>
Satisfied that he'd shut Genma up for a while, Ranma rose to his
feet.
"I'm going to the stream to wash." He glanced over at Akane out of habit.
"I'll try not to drown. I sure wouldn't want to rob you of the pleasure of
killing me yourself."
Akane sniffed but said nothing.
<Geez, she's uncute when she frowns,> he thought as he made his way
to
the stream. Once there, he stripped down to scrub off. Soon Onna-Ranma
shivered in the coldness of the water.
<Hmm. I almost wish I'd brought a towel or something,> she
thought,
relaxing in the water. <But who cares? No one's out here but me.> She
giggled. <And it's not like I have any 'feminine modesty' or anything.>
Using her hands to wash off most of the grime, Ranma sighed as she adjusted
to
the water's temperature. <Come to think of it, I probably shoulda saved
that
kettle of water for later, since washing in the stream would just turn me
back
to a girl. Oh well. Maybe that ugly tomboy will have another waiting for
me
when I get back.>
As Ranma's thoughts shifted to that "ugly tomboy," she almost
smiled.
So immersed was Ranma in thought that she didn't notice the bushes
quivering nearby.
Within those bushes Happousai's large eyes filled with tears.
<Who could have thought it?> he mused. <Who could have known such
an
ingrate could look so lovely by moonlight?> He sniffed and dabbed at his
eyes. <It's a blessing from the kami. Oh, I could just sit here and watch
for hours.>
Then Ranma stood up.
Happousai shook with excitement. "But I can't hold out much
longer!"
With that, he leapt from the bushes.
A second later Ranma discovered an unwelcome visitor had latched
onto
her torso.
"Aaaaaaaaaaaah!" With one deft movement Ranma grabbed Happousai
and
slammed him to the ground.
"Ohhh," the hentai moaned, eating dirt.
"YOU LITTLE FREAK!" Ranma screeched, pinning him to the ground
with
one foot while she grabbed her closest items of clothing--her kung fu shirt
and boxers--and hastily slipped them on. "Where the hell did you come
from?
I can't even get away from you out here!"
Footsteps heralded the approach of Souun, Genma, and Akane. They
stopped short at the bank.
"Ranma, what's the matter?" Akane reached the bank first.
"This," her fiance hissed, holding up the battered form of the
tiny,
old man.
Akane gasped. "Happousai? But where--how--"
"Master!" Souun and Genma exclaimed in unison. "Why, Master,"
Genma
greeted with a gesture of submission, "what brings you out here?"
"I'll tell you what he was here for!" Ranma spat. "The pervert
was
spying on me from the bushes. I'm sick at the stomach!"
"Oooh, it hurts," groaned Happousai, twitching.
Souun looked on the verge of tears (as usual). "Son, you've hurt
the
master! What have you done?"
"Dad!" Akane looked thoroughly disgusted. "There is nothing to
cry
about. There's nothing wrong with Happousai--he's probably just faking."
"He _is_ faking," Ranma growled, "and I'm gonna make him pay for
keeps now!" She raised her leg to kick him--
<<STOP!>> a mind-voice thundered.
Everyone reflexively cringed from the sheer force of the angry
thoughts. Ranma winced and rubbed her temple, dropping Happousai.
"What--what was that?" Souun wondered.
"I dunno," Genma answered, shaking. "That voice felt like it was-
-was--"
"Inside my head," Akane finished, also rubbing her brow. "But
who--"
<<I DID.>>
Sensing that the mind-voice's owner hovered above them, everyone
looked up. Five pairs of eyes met the fiery gaze of a huge,
strange-looking
mosquito-wasp, glowing bright red amidst a sea of angry clouds.
Ranma "promise posed." "What the hell's THAT?"
The Love Bug's gaze darkened even further, and so did the sky.
<<I'VE
COME FOR RANMA SAOTOME.>>
Everyone except Akane pointed at Ranma.
"Thanks a lot," Ranma growled, and tilted her chin up as she
regarded
the peculiar insect. "Yo, I'm Ranma Saotome. Whaddaya want? And who are
you
anyway?"
The Love Bug eyed her with a mixture of sorrow and contempt. <<I'M
A
THIRD-CLASS, SEMI- LIMITED LOVE BUG SENT FROM THE GODDESS RELIEF OFFICE-->>
Akane froze, then began to wrack her brain. "Love Bug?" she
whispered. "Didn't Ms. Hinako mention something about Love Bugs in class
the
other day? Now what was it?"
Ranma's, Genma's, and Souun's irises all shrunk to pinpoints.
"Love
Bug?" Ranma repeated. "What's that?"
Behind her Happousai grinned evilly. "You'll know soon enough, you
ingrate."
"Uh, Son," Souun mumbled, "is there something you need to tell us?
Why is this . . . thing after you?"
"Yeah, boy," Genma broke in, trying to appear stern. "Out with
it."
"How should I know? I've never heard of any Love Bug!" Out of
habit
she grabbed her father by the collar. "For all I know, it's after me
because
of something _you_ did, Pop!"
Sweating, Genma denied it.
"Ah!" Akane exclaimed. "Now I remember!" But before she could
speak
further, a deafening crack of thunder caused her and the others to become
silent.
<<ENOUGH.>> The Love Bug began to vanish into the blindingly red
light. <<YOU'VE ABUSED THAT POOR INNOCENT GIRL,>>--it indicated Akane with
its stinger--<<AND TWO INNOCENT OLD MEN. FOR THAT YOU, RANMA SAOTOME, MUST
BE
PUNISHED.>>
"Punished?" Ranma blinked. "But I didn't do nothing! There's
some
mista--"
Another crack of thunder cut off her protests. A harsh wind began
blowing, and the ground bucked under everyone's feet.
"Whoa!" Happousai yelled, leaping out of the way. "Hmm. Imagine
that. That Bug's got quite a temper."
Sobbing, Genma grabbed Souun's arm. "We're gonna die! We're gonna
die!"
"Ranma!" Akane screamed through the chaos. "What's happening?"
"It's an earthquake-slash-hurricane, you dumb chick!" her fiance
shot
back. "Give me your hand and shut up!"
Akane jerked away. "There's no need to insult me, you know!"
"What?" Ranma dodged an opening crack in the ground. "You _are_
being dumb! You won't give me your hand." With that she grabbed Akane's
arm.
"Oww! Not so hard, idiot!"
The Love Bug reappeared. <<STILL ABUSING HER, EVEN WHEN YOU'RE
BEING
PUNISHED?>> it asked, making its own conclusions from what it just
witnessed.
<<IT SEEMS I MUST STOP PLAYING AND BE SERIOUS.>>
"You call this playing?" Ranma yelled in disbelief, ducking a
chunk
of flying boulder.
"Ranma, stop! You're only making it worse," Akane said, shielding
her face from the barrage of leaves and branches inadvertently hurled her
way.
"That creature's a Love--"
Her words were lost in the wind. Then the ground opened up, she
fell
in, and Ranma leaped in after her.
Then, as quickly as it had begun, it was over.
"Saotome? Saotome?" Souun called, picking himself up off the
rain-
soaked and debris-scattered ground. "Saotome, where are you?"
<Over here, Tendou,> read the wooden sign a rather huge, drenched
panda shoved into his face.
Souun looked relieved. "Oh, thank goodness you're all right."
Nearby Happousai picked himself off the ground as well. "Well,"
the
aged master croaked, "that was some temper tantrum! In all my years I've
never seen a fit like that before." He squinted at his two former
students.
"Hey, you there! Stop standing around and help me up."
"Huh?" Genma-Panda and Souun spied Happousai struggling to get out
of
a mud-hole.
<Master--you're still alive?> Genma-Panda signed.
"Of course I am, you dolt!" the tiny man snarled. "Now get over
here!"
Genma-Panda slavishly rushed to comply, but Tendou sat sobbing on
the
ground near the still-open fissure into which Akane and Ranma had fallen.
"Oh, Akane, Akane, Akane! My poor little girl's gone!" Souun
wailed.
<The boy's gone, too,> the Panda signed. He peered down into the
fissure, flipping the sign around to the other side. <Any sign of them?>
His friend shook his head and bawled.
"Hmm." Again Happousai stroked his imaginary beard. "It's just as
I
feared."
"What?" Souun and the Panda froze. "Master," Souun managed, "you
don't mean to say they're d-d-de--"
"Hardly," Happousai murmured. "Love Bugs don't kill anyone--they
just punish them, rough them up a bit. Though I'd bet that ingrate Ranma
_will_ wish he were dead, if he hasn't already wished it already."
<I don't get it,> Genma-Panda signed.
Happousai calmly took the wooden sign and hit the Panda with it.
"What I'm trying to say, boys, is that Ranma's being given the
worse
punishment he could ever have." He struggled to keep from chuckling
evilly.
"He's down there somewhere--I'm sure of it--tired, dirty, angry--and
trapped
with Akane."
Souun stopped crying. "So . . . they're still alive?"
Again Happousai took the Panda's sign, this time to smack Souun
with
it.
"Didn't I just say that?" he shouted. "Yes, trapped down there
with . . . Akane." He slavered for a moment, then regained his composure.
"His worse nightmare, it seems. We'd better try to find them before they
kill
each other." <Heh, heh. Besides, I _still_ owe Ranma for humiliating me.
And Akane . . . ah, poor sweet child . . . she needs my embrace, too . .
.>
"Did you hear that, Saotome?" Souun leaped up and grabbed his
friend's furry shoulders.
<Yes, they're alive,> the Panda signed. <And?>
"They're both alive--and all alone together," Souun whispered
conspiratorily in the Panda's ear. "Maybe this tragedy is just what they
need--"
<--to bring them closer together--> Genma-Panda signed,
brightening.
"--and then they'll agree to marry--"
<--and carry on the Training Hall!> The Panda then whipped out a
pair
of Japanese fans and began a dance of joy.
Happousai looked on. "This is no time for dancing, you puke.
We've
got to get down there and find them."
"Wait, Master," interjected Souun hastily. "Maybe it's best we
not
go after them."
Happousai blinked. "What?"
Souun cleared his throat. "I mean, they've been through quite a
bit
and well, both of them will be terribly distressed." He chuckled
nervously.
"And well, you know they might need to . . . well . . . comfort each other
in
their time of need."
"I see." Happousai knew what Souun was getting at. "Well, perhaps
you're right, Souun. Maybe we _should_ just stay right here."
"Now there's an idea!" Souun agreed. "Well said, Master!"
<Right.> Happousai thought, making his way to the stream.
<Besides,
I'll just go and--check up on them later.>
Somewhere on the celestial plane, a certain Love Bug was feeling a
tad
guilty.
<<Oh, dear, I hope I didn't cause them to get hurt too badly,>> it
thought. <<I just can't help it, though. Once we Love Bugs get mad we
just
fly off the handle. Hmm. I really should report to my Hive Supervisor
right
now--though she probably already knows what I've done. Can't hide anything
from the kami, after all.>> It sighed. <<Oh, maybe . . . maybe I should
check up on those two, just to make sure. I do hate spying on people but,
well . . . >>
The Love Bug, being a novice, struggled with the idea for a few
moments. Then, taking a deep breath and hoping it wouldn't get demoted for
breaking the rules, the Love Bug opened a picture-window to the mortal
plane.
As it observed, it noted that one other player was about to enter the
game . . . . PART II: Once "Bitten," Thrice Shy . . . .
Back at the Tendou Doujou, a certain small black piglet loaded down
with Hokkaidou pineapples and other assorted goodies trotted onto the
Tendou
grounds.
"Kweee, kweee," it squealed, knowing Akane, its mistress, would
rush
out to greet it.
Inside, Nodoka Saotome, clothed as usual in her kimono, and Kasumi
Tendou sat, exchanging pleasantries.
"Kweee!" P-chan squealed again, louder this time.
"Oh my," Nodoka said, setting down her teacup, "was that a piglet
we
just heard?"
"Oh!" Kasumi rose to her feet. "P-chan's back."
She moved toward the door, Nodoka following close behind, and
opened
it.
"Oh, how sweet!" exclaimed Nodoka, clasping her hands. "The
little
piglet's brought presents."
"From Ryouga, no doubt," Kasumi added, taking the initiative and
relieving the piglet of its load. "He must be around here somewhere."
Absently she patted the piglet's head. "What a good little pig you are."
"Kweee," was all Ryouga (aka P-chan) could say (Pigs can't talk,
after all.). Where was Akane?
While the two women marveled over the gifts, P-chan dashed toward
the
bathroom. Neither woman paid attention to the sound of water rushing.
Five
minutes later a young man joined them (Ryouga, you remember, has a bad
sense
of direction, and he took a wrong turn down the hall, and well, you know
the
rest.).
Glad to have reached them so quickly, a damp Ryouga Hibiki
approached
the two women. "Ahem. Ah, hello, Kasumi, Mrs. Saotome," he greeted with
a
gentlemanly bow.
Hearing his voice, Nodoka and Kasumi spun around. "Why, it's
Ryouga!"
Nodoka exclaimed, smiling sweetly and taking his hand. "How are you, young
man? It's been a while."
"Oh, hello, Ryouga," greeted Kasumi. "Could I offer you something
to
eat or drink?"
"No, thank you," Ryouga said, trying not to let his gaze search
around the room. "I just got back--"
"I thought so. P-chan brought in your things for you," Nodoka
said.
"Of course. Well, anyway, I was in the neighborhood, and I was
just
wondering . . . ah . . ."
"Where Akane is?" Kasumi finished for him.
Ryouga blushed. "Ah . . . yeah . . . Well, you _do_ realize that I
wanted to give her her gifts personally . . ."
"Oh, Ryouga, I'm afraid you've missed them by a day," Nodoka
informed
him.
Ryouga "promise posed." "Huh? Wha--"
"Yes, Ryouga, Akane's gone on a camping trip--with Father, Mr.
Saotome, and Ranma," added Kasumi, gathering up the teacups.
Now Ryouga was twitching. "Gone . . . with Ranma, too?"
Nodoka nodded, unaware of Ryouga's distressed expression.
"Actually,
they've gone on a little training trip in the mountains. After all, I
can't
just sit back and let my son get too soft. He's manly, all right, but I
can't
take any chances. They'll be gone for a few days." She patted the wrapped
katana blade she always carried around. "Ranma protested at first, but he
soon acknowledged his mother's wisdom." She sighed. "Men can be so
stubborn
sometimes."
"Akane's gone . . . with Ranma . . ." choaked Ryouga again.
"Yes," said Nodoka. "It's excellent bridal training for her, you
know."
By now Ryouga looked as though he wanted to cry. His beloved
Akane,
alone in the wilderness with that insensitive lout Ranma! The horror!
"So, Ryouga," Kasumi continued, gathering up Ryouga's presents to
take to Akane's room, "how long will you be sta--"
"Uh, excuse me." Ryouga rushed out of the house.
"My, my!" Nodoka exclaimed. "The young man seems to be in a
hurry."
Kasumi nodded. "Well, he probably has some pressing business. I'm
sure he'll be back soon."
Outside, near the newly restored carp pond, Ryouga sat pounding on
the
rocks surrounding it.
<Oh, Akane,> he thought miserably as he cracked a boulder, <how I
feel for you. I come back after all this time and find you gone--with
Ranma.>
He gritted his teeth. <That insensitive jerk! If this trip is anything
like
that time I trained in the wilderness with Cologne, Ranma's probably
treating
you like dirt. I won't allow it! I won't!>
"Here I come, Akane!" Ryouga yelled to the heavens, and leaped
forward--
--into the pond.
A second later a certain little black pig struggled out of the
pond,
knowing it had to a) go change back into a man, and b)see if either Nodoka
or
Kasumi could get him to where Akane was without it taking him a week or
longer
to get there.
Somewhere down in the recess of an underground cavern Onna-Ranma
struggled to climb out of a pile of dirt, mud, and rocks.
"Damn," she muttered, raking dirt out of her hair, "I'd sure like
to
know just what I did for that--thing--to do me like this." She stood up
andd up andbrushed herself off as best she could and peered about.
"Ugh. So dark I can't see nothing," she grumbled. Then she did a
double-take. <Hey,> she thought, <where's that ugly tomboy?>
"Akane!" Ranma called, picking her way through the piles of debris
and puddles of water. "Akane--Akane, you dumb chick, where are you?"
Ranma was about to curse again in frustration when she heard a
faint
voice calling her name.
"Ra-Ranma?" Akane's muffled voice seemed to be coming from behind
a
pile of rocks and dirt in the cave's far corner. Brightening, Ranma
followed
the sound and placed her ear against the pile.
"Yo, Akane, you in there?"
"Ranma?" Akane grunted and feebly scooted around. "Get me out of
here. I'm in some kind of recess in the cavern wall, and--ugh!--it's
pretty
stuffy in here."
"All right, all right," grumbled the red-head from the other side.
"Give me a minute."
"I may not _have_ a minute!"
"Just hold on, OK? Geez!" Ranma stood back and studied the
barrier.
She guessed digging through it wouldn't cause a cave-in.
She nodded to herself. "Akane?"
"What?"
"I'm gonna dig through. Close your eyes so dirt won't fly in
them."
"OK."
Ranma braced herself, then--
"Kachuu Tenshin Amaguriken!"
Ranma used the Chestnut Fist to tunnel through the barrier with
blinding speed. Seconds later she had dug enough away to come face to face
with a bedraggled Akane.
Akane extended her hand so Ranma could pull her out. Ranma looked
her
up and down.
"Man, you look like hell," she commented, gesturing to Akane's
torn
apron and gi.
"You don't look so hot yourself," Akane retaliated, indicating
Ranma's torn shirt and muddy boxers. "You look like you just crawled out
of a
mudhole."
"I _did_ crawl out of one," grumbled her fiance. Again she
surveyed
their surroundings. "Wonder how deep down we are."
Akane shrugged. "Who knows? All I know is that we need to get out
of
here. Dad's probably worried sick." She spun in the nearest direction and
started to walk away. Ranma grabbed her arm.
"Hey!" Akane snapped. "What are you--"
"Are you crazy? You can't just wander off into the darkness like
that! What if there's another pit down here or something?"
"What? Don't tell me you think I can't look out for myself!"
"Well, you can't! A slow, clumsy girl like you wouldn't notice
until
it was too late." Ranma paused. "If then."
Akane's battle aura started flaring up. "If you're going to insult
me, I'll just go. If I do fall down a hole, it'll probably better than
staying here with a stupid jerk like you!" Again she started to move away,
only to have Ranma insistently hold her arm.
"Let go!"
"No way! I'm not letting you go off by yourself."
With a savage jerk Akane pulled her arm away. "Why do you care?"
"Why . . ." Ranma trailed off and stared at her. Fire danced in
Akane's large brown eyes as she regarded the red-head. For a moment the
only
sounds were the dripping of water and their breathing.
Then--
"Look, Akane, I . . . we don't know how far down we are, or how
exactly to get out of here. If we just wander off, we might get hopelessly
lost and never get out." She took a deep breath. "And I for one don't
plan
to starve to death down here. And"--her eyes narrowed-- "I gotta get back
topside so I can pummel that--that--thing to a pulp."
Silently Akane looked away, biting her lip. She had to admit--
Ranma
had a point. They really should concentrate on getting back to their
fathers
instead of fighting.
She swallowed. "OK, maybe you're right . . . for once." She
rubbed
her sore arm. "Let's go."
The red-head nodded, half-smirking. "Right." This time she
started
to pull her along more gently. "It's almost pitch-black, so just stay
close
to me and watch your step, alright?"
"Alright."
In the celestial plane the Love Bug watched the scene with
interest.
<Hmm. Interesting. They almost seem to be . . . calmer now. But they
still
fight so much. It's entirely possible it's just a front, but . . . oh,
dear . . . >
The Love Bug sighed, deciding it should probably watch a little
more.
Meanwhile, Souun and Genma (who'd finally decided to turn back
human
for a while) sat on the bank. To pass the time they played shougi while
Happousai paced in the background.
Souun squinted at his playing pieces and made a move. "Ha! Beat
that, Saotome!"
Genma grunted, studying the pieces on the board. Then he casually
made his move.
Souun's jaw dropped to the ground.
Genma grinned. "Guess I win _again,_ Tendou."
Miserable, Souun hung his head. "That's the fifth time in the last
two hours."
Genma, gloating, started reshuffling the pieces on the board.
"Care
to try again?"
"You two are pathetic," Happousai grumbled, still pacing. "There
you
boys are, just sitting around, while Ranma and Akane are below traipsing
about
in the darkness."
Genma blinked. "But, Master, we _told_ you why we need to wait--"
"Who cares?" the tiny hentai thundered. "Surely enough time has
passed by now! I say we go down there now. Besides," he sighed, "I'm
starting to feel a little weak. Ah, if only Akane or Ranma were here
now . . ."
"But, Master--" Souun began. Then a loud rustling in the nearby
bushes startled the trio.the trio. In his terror Genma kicked over
the gameboard. "What was that? Did
you hear that, Tendou?"
Souun nodded. "Maybe it's a bear. Or a wolf. Or . . ." He
trembled.
Happousai rolled his eyes. "If it is, maybe they'll eat you two
sniveling cowards." He proceeded cautiously toward the bushes.
Ryouga Hibiki emerged.
"Mr. Tendou, Mr. Saotome!" he called, complete with backpack and
bamboo umbrella.
"Why, it's Ryouga!" A relieved Souun stopped sniveling and rose to
greet the young man. "Hello there, Ryouga. What brings you out here?"
"It's . . . a long story," Ryouga replied. "All I can say is it
was
a miracle named Nodoka Saotome."
At the mentioning of his wife's name, Genma shivered, glancing
around
hysterically. "Nodoka? She's here?"
"No, Mr. Saotome. She went back home."
Genma sighed, relieved. "Oh, thank goodness." He whispered, half
to
himself, "Wouldn't want her to think I wasn't training the boy."
Ryouga looked confused. "Uh, yeah . . . of course." Then he spied
the huge fissure in the ground. "Aaaaaah! What--what happened here?" he
screamed, his hair standing on end.
Souun began looking miserable again. "Oh, Ryouga, something
terrible
has happened."
"Terrible!" Genma echoed.
"Terrible?" Ryouga started sweating. "Wh--where's Akane? Is she
alright?" <And . . . where's Ranma?>
"To the best of our knowledge," Happousai piped in, irritated with
being ignored, "she's down there somewhere--"he pointed into the fissure--
"with Ranma."
"You!" Ryouga bared his fangs. "Old man, did you have something
to
do with this?"
Now it was Happousai's turn to sweat. "Uh . . . well . . ."
"I'll explain what happened," offered Genma. He filled Ryouga in
on
everything that had happened. When he finished, Ryouga trembled with
anger.
"A Love Bug, eh?" He picked up a chunk of rock and crumbled it to
dust in his fist. "I've heard tales of those creatures on my travels. I
should have known Ranma's evil would get Akane in trouble." He leaped to
his
feet. "Where is this creature now?"
Happousai spread his hands. "We don't know. After the hurricane-
quake it just--vanished." He shrugged. "We haven't seen it since."
"Damn," Ryouga muttered. "Then I suppose we should go down there
and
look for them." He stepped toward the fissure, and halted when no one but
Happousai followed him.
Confused, he sputtered, "Uh, Mr. Tendou, Mr. Saotome, why . . . why
haven't you . . . aren't you coming to help look for them?"
Souun and Genma exchanged glances. Souun cleared his throat. "Ah,
well, you see, Ryouga . . . Saotome and I thought . . . well . . . that
maybe
we should leave them . . . alone for a while."
Ryouga gulped. "Run that by me again?"
Genma scratched his head and laughed nervously. "Well, it's like
this, Ryouga." He paused. "You realize Akane and Ranma are engaged, and
ah . . . Tendou and I decided that . . . ah . . ."
Ryouga squinted. "I don't understand."
Happousai snorted. "Oh, c'mon, boy. Isn't it obvious?"
Chuckling,
he elbowed Ryouga in the knee. "Those two are alone down there--"
Ryouga's heart of glass began to crack. "A-alone?"
Happousai nodded. "Yep. Alone and miserable. Needing comfort."
Ryouga hung his head, staring down into the fissure as though he
were
hypnotized. "Needing . . . comfort?" he whispered hoarsely. A slight
glow
formed around him.
His mind filled with hentai thoughts, Happousai failed to notice
Ryouga's present state. "That's right. The comfort only they can--"
"Uh, Master," Genma interrupted, noticing Ryouga's odd behavior,
"maybe you shouldn't keep talking like that."
"I agree," added Souun, scooting back.
"Huh?" Happousai looked annoyed. "Why? How dare you tell your
master what to--" He glanced at Ryouga and let out an *eep!* "Uh-oh . .
."
The three men watched as Ryouga's glow intensified.
<Alone,> Ryouga thought as something stirred within him. <Alone
with
Akane? Damn you, Ranma! To think that you'd take advantage of Akane when
all
of this is _your_ fault!> Of their own accord, his hands directed a ball
of
ki energy into the fissure.
Happousai, Souun, and Genma scooted even farther away.
"How dare you, Ranma!" Ryouga yelled, bursting with ki energy.
"Shishi Houkoudan!"
And Ryouga's misery slammed down into the fissure.
A rumbling from above made Ranma halt in her tracks, jarring Akane.
"Why'd you stop?" demanded Akane.
"Shh!" Ranma pointed upwards. "Don't you hear that?"
"Hear what?" Akane glanced up, then screamed as a large chunk of
earth came hurtling down toward her. Ranma saw it, too, and slammed Akane
out
of the way.
"Ouch! Did you have to slam me so hard?"
"Would you rather be crushed?" growled her fiance, dragging her
up.
"C'mon. We gotta get away from here!"
The two blundered on through the near-darkness. All about them
rocks
continued to fall. Only the enhanced speed of Ranma's female body kept her
and Akane from getting smashed.
Then after a while it stopped.
Panting, Akane dropped to her knees. "Ranma, I . . . I'm worn
out. I
need . . . to rest."
Ranma grumbled in frustration. "Aw, c'mon, Akane. The more we
stop,
the more time it's gonna take for us to find a way back up." She pointed
down
the passage they were presently heading toward. "Look. The passage is
heading upward. We can probably climb out somewhere."
"No, I can't," her fiancee insisted. "Not right now. We've . . .
been walking for a long time. My feet are tired, and I feel like I could
just
fall out." Firmly resolved, she settled down.
Ranma threw her hands up in the air. "Have it your way." She
plopped
down beside her and folded her arms.
The two sat in silence for a long time. Then Akane sneezed.
Ranma glanced at her. "Now what?"
Akane sniffed. "What do you think, idiot? I've been wet and dirty
for the past few hours. Apparently I've caught a cold." She scowled in
Ranma's direction. "What's it to you?"
"Humph." Ranma turned away--until Akane sneezed again. She
regarded
her more intently this time.
"There you go again."
"I've got a cold. What you expect?" Then she hugged herself,
shivering. "Brrr. It's chilly in here. And it's not helping that I've
got
these damp clothes on."
Ranma bit her lip and thought for a minute. Then she began to
unbutton her shirt.
Akane caught her movements out the corner of her eye. "Hey, what
are
you doing?"
"Giving you my shirt, stupid. If you don't change out of those wet
clothes soon, your cold'll get worse."
Akane felt at a loss for words. "But Ranma . . . you . . . don't
have
to--"
Ranma stopped at the last button. "What's the big deal? We're
both
girls right now. And I ain't got nothing you haven't seen before, so if
you're worried about my so- called 'feminine modesty,' just remember I
don't
have any. Besides, no one's down here but us."
Akane swallowed. "No, it's . . . not that. It's just that . . .
um . . ."
Curious, Ranma cocked an eye at her. "So now what are you worried
about?" A second later her eyes narrowed. "Aw, c'mon, Akane! Surely you
weren't thinking--"
"Thinking what?"
Ranma folded her arms. "Don't play dumb. I _know_ what you were
thinking." She snorted. "What kind of guy do you take me for?"
"Excuse me, but, ah, you don't exactly look like a guy right now,"
Akane pointed out, a little amused.
"Huh?" Ranma considered a moment. "Oh, yeah. Guess not." She
adjusted her position. "So then . . . what are you worried about?"
"Oh . . . nothing." Akane blushed, wondering if Ranma could detect
how red her face had gotten. <I can't believe this. I'm down
here--alone--with him, and all of a sudden I feel like silly putty.>
<Oh, man,> Ranma thought simultaneously. <Here I am--alone--with
this uncute tomboy, and I'm feeling like silly putty. This _can't_ be
happening.>
Silence for a moment more. Then Ranma cleared her throat, blushing
also. "So . . . um . . . do you . . . still . . . need . . . ah, that
is . . . you can still have my shirt until your stuff . . . dries." She
swallowed. "If you want."
"Hmm?" Akane looked back at her, and ducked her head. "Oh, no,
that's okay. All that walking around must've allowed my clothes to dry a
bit. They're really not _that_ bad anymore." <I don't believe this. Is
he
actually . . . trying to be nice to me? I wonder if he got hit with one of
those rocks back there.> She clasped her hands. "I'm just . . . still . .
.
a little chilly, though."
"Oh." Not knowing what else to say, Ranma became quiet.
More silence. Then Akane yawned.
"Sleepy, huh?"
"Yeah, I'm so tired." Akane shifted her position and lay her head
against the wall. She tossed and turned but couldn't get comfortable.
Defeated, she sat back up.
"Uh . . . Ranma?"
"Yeah?"
Her heart pounded. "Do you . . . mind . . . if I lean on your
shoulder?" She thought her heart had stopped once the words came out.
Ranma blinked, "promise posing." "On my . . . shoulder?"
Akane gulped. "If you don't mind . . . I just can't get
comfortable."
"Oh, I see. You wanna use me for a pillow."
Hurt, Akane averted her gaze. "I didn't mean for it to come out
like
that."
"You--didn't?" Ranma's palms started sweating.
"Never mind, then." Akane turned to settle back against the wall.
"No, wait." Feeling sheepish, Ranma tugged on her arm. "I . . .
didn't mean to sound like that. You can lean against me . . . if you
want. I
don't mind, but . . ."
"But?"
Ranma scratched her head. "Well, we're both girls, and . . .
um . . . "
"So . . . it _would_ bother you?"
"No, no! I just thought that . . ." The red-head shrugged.
"It . . . wouldn't bother _me,_ but . . . wouldn't it . . . bother you?"
Akane stared at her fiance for a long moment, then slowly shook her
head. "No . . . I don't think so."
"You--you sure?"
"Uh-huh."
"Oh. Oh. OK." Ranma waved her over.
Shyly Akane snugged against Ranma and sighed. For some reason she
felt peaceful. <Is this really happening? I mean, he hasn't even made me
feel like hitting him. It's so rare that _that_ ever happens.> She
yawned.
<Hmm. Funny. He_does_ feel like a pillow. Maybe I can get some sleep.>
Before long, her thoughts drifted off into dreamland.
Meanwhile, Ranma's heart was pounding. <Wow. She hasn't hit me
for--what, how long has it been? An hour? Two hours? Amazing.> She
sighed.
<Strange. Can it be that this tomboy has some control after all?> She
looked
down at Akane's sleeping form, and for the first time in a long while,
smiled.
<Fast asleep. Well, I gotta admit, she's got a good idea. I
should
get some sleep, too.> Shifting her position slightly so as not to disturb
Akane, Ranma settled down for sleep. Her arms slipped around Akane. It
was
seconds later before she caught herself.
<Whoa! Did I do that? I know my body's female right now, but
I . . . > She closed her eyes. <Oh, who gives a damn. No one's down
here
but us.>
The two girls drifted into a peaceful sleep.
Hours later, Akane awoke to find herself in Ranma's arms.
"What the--" She jerked up, amazingly failing to disturb Ranma's
sleeping form. <What happened? Why am I in his arms?! The lousy hentai!
With his shirt all unbuttoned!> Anger surged. <Did he try to-->
Then she caught herself, remembering what had happened. <Oh, wait
a
minute. It wasn't like that at all. He didn't try to take advantage of
me.
I _asked_ him to let me fall asleep on him.> She slapped her forehead.
<Boy,
I'm such a dummy. Ranma wouldn't try to hurt me.> She did a double-take.
<Well, not physically anyway. But then, sometimes I wonder if his insults
really are intentional.>
She regarded the still-sleeping Ranma and smiled. A tentative hand
raised up and touched Onna-Ranma's cheek. She reddened.
<I must admit, he's kinda cute. So peaceful, too.> She shook her
head. <I wish he could be sweet and nice more often. It suites him.>
She
cocked her head. <I wish I had some hot water for him, too. I know how he
hates not being able to change back when he wants to.> She glanced back
down
at Ranma's shirt. <Guess I'll button it for him.>
As she buttoned Ranma's shirt, the red-head stirred. Blinking, she
met Akane's gaze. "Oh, hi, Akane."
"Hi, Ranma. Sleep well?"
Ranma yawned. "Yeah. I needed the rest. Badly." She started to
raise up, then noticed what Akane was doing. She paled.
"Uh, Akane . . . what are you doing?"
Akane was on the next to the last button. "Buttoning your shirt.
What's it look like?"
Ranma clapped a hand over her mouth. "Oh my god. Did you . . .
did
we . . ."
Akane snorted and rolled her eyes. "No, you idiot. You were going
to
give me your shirt because I was cold and wet, remember? You forgot to
button
it back up. I swear, you'll _never_ get any feminine modesty."
"Oh." Ranma looked relieved. "I was pretty worried."
The short-haired young woman cocked an eye at her. "Oh really?
Thought I had taken advantage of you?"
Ranma's jaw dropped. "What? Oh, why you--you tomboy!"
"Jerk." Akane stuck out her tongue.
Both noticed their words carried less venom.
Akane finished with the last button and got up. Ranma followed
suite.
"Well, guess we'd better get moving." Akane gestured toward Ranma.
"After you."
"Hey," Ranma said with a sly grin. "Shouldn't _I_ be the
chivalrous
one?"
Her fiancee giggled. "OK, then, Sir Galahad, why don't you lead
the
way?"
Now it was Ranma's turn to giggle. "C'mon, stupid."
They moved up the passage . . . hand in hand.
If the Love Bug had had a jaw, it would have dropped clear down to
the
earth. The scene it had just witnessed had left it totally confused. Had
it
a hand instead of wings, it would have scratched its head.
It settled down to observe some more.
Topside, Ryouga stood alone on the edge of the fissure, surveying
what
he'd done. Although he felt miserable, he was determined not to get too
depressed and repeat this disaster.
<Akane, I'm sorry,> he thought at the fissure. <I let my
frustration
get the better of me again. Now look what I've done. I've blown in a
crater,
diverted the stream . . . and possibly endangered you.>
He felt his ki stirring again. Gritting his teeth, he willed it
still.
<No, I won't let it happen again. I owe you that much, Akane.> He
rose to his feet, his jaw set.
"I'm coming, Akane! I'll save you if it kills me," he yelled into
the fissure.
<<Hold it.>>
"Huh?" Startled, Ryouga jerked and glanced around. Had someone
talked to him? For some reason he had the feeling someone had just spoken
to
him . . . in his head?
"Who said that?" he demanded, ready to throw one of his bandannas
in
case the unseen speaker attacked.
<<I did,>> the mind-voice projected from behind him.
Ryouga spun around and almost had a heart-attack. He was face-to-
face with the largest, strangest-looking insect he'd ever seen.
"You--_you_ just talked to me?"
The Love Bug bobbed its head. <<Certainly.>>
"What--what are you? Wait--aren't you a--"
<<A Love Bug,>> the creature answered. <<I just wanted to tell
you-->>
Ryouga frowned. "Then--you're the creature who caused all this
mess?" He gestured around.
The Love Bug glanced over the area and nodded, appearing ashamed.
<<Yes, I'm afraid so-- except for that crater there.>>
Ryouga reddened. "Uh, yeah, I did that."
<<I see. Anyway, I really must apologize. I wasn't trying to hurt
anyone--just do my job.>>
"Your job?" Ryouga shrieked. "Your job includes hurting innocent
bystanders?"
<<I wasn't trying to hurt anyone!>> the creature protested, huge
eyes
welling with tears. <<I was only trying to punish a wrong-doer.>>
Ryouga folded his arms. "Wrong-doer. That _had_ to be Ranma
Saotome."
The Bug nodded. <<Yes, but I . . . think I might . . . possibly
have
made-->> It braced itself for thinking the word-- <<a mis . . . mis . . .
take.>>
"Mistake? I thought Love Bugs didn't make mistakes."
<<WE DON'T!>> the creature thundered in Ryouga's mind. Then it
winced, seeing Ryouga twitch in pain. <<Oops. Sorry. I tend to lose it
sometimes. I really need to work on my temper.>>
"I agree." Ryouga adjusted his pack. "Look, I don't mean to be
rude,
but I have to go down there." He pointed into the fissure. "An innocent
young woman is trapped down there, and she needs my help."
He turned around--only to have the Bug fly around and bar his way.
<<Oh, yes. That's what I wanted to talk to you about.>> The Bug
took
a deep breath. <<You can't go down there. I forbid it.>>
"Excuse me?"
<<Oh, don't worry. Those two are fine. It's just that . . .
well . . .>>
Ryouga tapped his foot, impatient. "Well what?"
The Bug looked embarrassed. <<Well . . . it's just that nobody
should
disturb them right now. They need to spend a little more quality time with
each other.>>
Something about the Bug's revealed thoughts didn't set well with
Ryouga. "'Quality time?'"
<<Indeed,>> the Bug replied innocently. <<I, ah, peeped in on
them.
I was so embarrassed-->>
"Embarrassed? Why?"
<<Well, you see, I'm fairly new at my job. I'm not used to seeing
people get so . . . close.>>
A huge drop of sweat rolled down Ryouga's head. "Close? Just . .
.
how . . . close do you mean?"
The Bug sighed. <<Let's just say I could tell they'd been wanting
to
bare their souls to each other for a long time.>>
By now Ryouga's heart of glass was cracking again. "BARE their
SOULS?!"
<<Yes. It was so romantic, really. Why, at first I thought they
were
faking, but when Ranma started to take off his shirt-->>
"He TOOK OFF HIS SHIRT?"
<<And then Akane lay against him-->>
"Oh no . . ." Ryouga almost fainted from shock. Suddenly his
knees
were shaking, and his hands trembling. That familiar stirring arose in him
again . . . .
The Love Bug went on. <<And later they fell asleep. They were so
worn out, you realize, and-- oh, young man? Are you--all right?>>
Ryouga began glowing. "They didn't . . . no, tell me they didn't,"
he mumbled. Fire danced in his eyes. "Ranma--Ranma, you monster! I knew
you
couldn't be trusted. To do something like that to a nice girl like
Akane--I'll see you punished myself!" A ball of ki energy formed in his
hands.
The Love Bug blinked. <<Uh, young man, is something wrong?>>
"You bet there is!" Ryouga raised his hands.
"Shishi Houkoukan!"
The dumbfounded Love Bug watched as Ryouga's ki cleared a
smouldering
path through the trees.
<Wow,> it thought to itself. <I didn't think he'd take it like
_that._ I'm rather happy for them myself.>
PART III: Who Says We're in
Love?!
"So what exactly is a Love Bug?" Ranma asked as they trudged up
the
passage.
Akane grunted as Ranma pulled her up. "You know, you really should
listen in class more."
Ranma snorted. "I can't help it Ms. Hinako decided to lecture when
I
was preoccupied with that last fight I'd had with Kunou."
"I swear, Ranma, all you ever do is fight."
"It's my life." Ranma helped Akane over a rock in her path.
They heard something that sounded like distant thunder.
Akane frowned. "Will that be another aftershock?"
"Hope not." The red-head's brow furrowed. When nothing happened,
she
started climbing again. "So are you gonna tell me or what?"
Akane shrugged. "Love Bugs are creatures whose job is to
bless . . . couples' engagements."
The red-head screeched to a halt. "Engagements?"
"Uh-huh." Akane suddenly became interested in the passage walls.
"Especially those for couples who . . . are . . . deeply in love," she
finished.
"Deeply in love, huh?" Ranma hastily cleared her throat. "But .
. .
that wouldn't cover us, now would it?"
Akane squinted at her. "What do you mean?"
Suddenly very uncomfortable, Ranma's mouth opened and closed.
"Well,"
she stammered, "I mean, those couples probably _chose_ their engagements.
So
naturally they're really in love. Look at us--our dumb parents engaged us.
We didn't have a choice."
Her fiancee looked down at her sweating hands. "No, we didn't."
Then
she looked up into the red-head's face again. "So . . . I guess that's why
the Bug came after you. Once they think they've made a mistake,
they--they--"
"Fly off the handle," guessed Ranma, "and make your life a living
hell."
Silence. Her mind a jumble, Akane stepped around Ranma. "It's sad
that that Bug made a mistake, isn't it?"
Her hand brushed Ranma's. When the red-head didn't respond, she
looked up--
--and met Ranma's gaze.
The only sounds they heard came from their intensely beating
hearts.
<Oh my god, it's happening again,> Akane thought, gulping. <All
of a
sudden he looks at me, and I start melting! Are my knees buckling? Is my
face red? Should I check? No! He'll make fun of me.>
<Here we go again,> Ranma was thinking. <I must be dreaming.
Look
at her--the light's still not that great, but I can tell she's red in the
face! Come to think of it--I probably am, too! Oh great. What is this
girl
doing to me?>
"Uh, Akane," Ranma finally forced out after an eternity, "I think
we'd better . . . keep moving."
"Ah," Akane also stammered, "Yeah, I think we'd probably better,
um . . ." She swallowed.
"Right." Ranma hastily took her arm and practically dragged her up
the passage.
About ten minutes later a ray of sunlight shone downward.
"Hey!" Akane squealed. "There's a hole up here. Now maybe we can
get out!"
"Great!" Ranma's dirt-smeared face brightened. "See? I told you
I'd get us out."
"Ranma, _I'm_ the one who found the hole."
Her fiance looked at her as if she had just spoken gibberish.
"Same
difference." She pushed her forward. "Just climb already."
"Humph." Akane heaved and emerged from the hole, blinking in the
sunlight. Ranma followed a second later. Once their eyes adjusted to the
light, they studied their surroundings.
"Ranma, doesn't this area look familiar?"
"It sure does. It looks like--" Ranma took the initiative and
plunged through the bushes into a clearing. "Hey, it's our campsite!"
"What?" Akane looked over her fiance's shoulder. "Hey, that
passage
circled around!" Then she paused, confused. "But--where's Dad and Mr.
Saotome? And Happousai?"
Ranma shrugged. "Who knows?" Then she spied the campfire. "Hey,
there's some hot water!" She rushed toward the kettle and snatched it up.
"Wait!" Akane yelled. "That water's probably--"
Too late. A loud yowl from Ranma confirmed that the water was too-
-
"--hot," Akane finished.
Steam rose off Otoko-Ranma. "No problem," he managed, huffing.
"I
can handle it." He patted his chest. "Man, it feels so good to have this
body back for a while."
"Ranma, you probably should've saved that water."
"Huh?"
Akane gestured at herself and at him. "Look at us--we're a mess.
We'll have to bathe in the stream, and you'll just turn back into a girl."
Ranma sniffed. "Big deal. I can always heat up some more water.
Besides, I ain't in no hurry to go back to that stream, especially with
that
little freak running around."
Akane held her nose. "I don't think you have a choice. You smell
awful."
"Ha!" Ranma wiped dust off his body. "You didn't seem all that
worried last night when you slept with me."
As soon as he'd said it, his face drained of color. "Uh, Akane, I-
-I
didn't mean--"
He braced himself for a slap in the face, a tree trunk upside the
head--whatever it was Akane wanted to do to him. When no violence ensued,
he
cracked open an eye.
There she was--blushing again.
"A-Akane . . ."
She tried not to, but she ended up staring at him again. <He's
doing
it to me _again_ . . . >
<I can't take much more of this.> Ranma thought, sweating. <It's
driving me crazy.>
It took them another eternity to wrench their gazes away.
Akane steeled herself and moved past him, sniffing. "Darn it, my
nose
is running again. I need a tissue." Then she paused in mid-step.
"Um . . . Ranma?"
"Yeah?"
Shyly she regarded him out the corner of her eye. "Ranma, I . . .
didn't get to tell you while we were underground, but . . ."
"But what?"
"Well, I just wanted to thank you . . . for, you know . . . looking
out for me."
"Oh, um," Ranma began.
Now as anyone knows, Ranma has always had a problem with words. It
seems like anytime Akane tries to say something nice, he spoils the moment
by
saying something he shouldn't have. It was almost as though he had yet
another curse--that of the unthinking mouth.
He opened his mouth.
"You're . . . welcome."
"They're back! They're back!"
Akane and Ranma turned around at the same time to see Souun and
Genma
emerge from the clearing. Each father rushed forward and grabbed his
respective child.
"Oh, Akane, you're safe!" Souun exclaimed, swinging her up in the
air.
"Whoa, whoa, Dad!" Akane managed, giggling. "OK, OK, I'm glad to
see
you, too!"
"Son!" Genma bear-hugged Ranma, who squirmed in his grip. "Oh, my
boy, you're alive! I was so worried you were dead!"
"If you don't stop squeezing me," Ranma managed to mumble, "I
will
be."
Genma mumbled some other gibberish, then drew back. "Whoa, boy,
you're all hot and sweaty."
Irritated, Ranma smacked his father on the head.
"I've been tramping about underground, Pop! What'd you expect?"
"Well, well, well!" The tiny form of Happousai emerged into the
clearing, a grandfatherly smile on his face. "You made it back. Well
done,
you two." His eyes brimmed with tears when he spied Akane. "Oh, you poor
you poorgirl! Look at you--you're a mess! And you're probably
traumatized." He
leapt toward her.
"Let a kind old man soothe you!"
A well-placed foot in the face stopped him.
"Back off, pervert!" Ranma snapped, looking as though he were
about
to retch.
Now Happousai really did start crying. "But, but," he mumbled
from
the ground, "all I wanted to do was hug her."
"You wanted to squeeze her like you did me!" the Pig-Tailed Boy
snarled, pressing him further into the ground. "Can't you ever quit?"
Souun and Genma exchanged glances.
"Hmm," Genma rumbled.
"Uh-huh," Souun murmured.
Akane and Ranma froze.
"'Hmm, uh-huh' what?" Ranma demanded.
Without a word each father dragged off his child.
"WHAT?"
The force of Ranma's voice slammed Genma onto his back.
"Now, Son," the gi-clad man was saying reasonably, "you can tell
your
old man. Fathers and sons are supposed to discuss things like this--"
Again Ranma smacked him on the head. "I told you, Pop, nothing
happened!" he protested. "How could you even think that I'd want to with
a
macho, uncute, unsexy, ditzy woman like her?"
"Boy, why are you being so stubborn?" his father continued,
adjusting
his specs. "Just confess and be done with it. It'll be so much better for
you." He took a deep breath, trying to go into stern father mode. "If
I've
told you once, I've told you a thousand times: I expect you to be a man
and
do your manly duty--"
*Splash!*
Now, where they was a bald, middle-aged man, there was a huge,
soaking-wet Panda.
"Brrrowwgh," Genma-Panda rumbled, annoyed.
Ranma smirked and threw the bucket back into bucketspace. He
raised a
hand to his ear. "Huh? What was that, Pop? Can't understand you. Pandas
can't talk, you know." He turned away. "Jerk," he muttered under his
breath.
Genma-Panda hunched his shoulders, defeated.
"EXCUSE ME?"
Akane regarded her father with a look of utter disbelief.
"Sweetheart," Souun urged, "I just want to know. Was he--did he--
"
"I don't believe this!" She threw up her hands. "Dad--nothing
happened. Nothing! If anything, I'm glad to get away from him. As usual
he
insulted me, and I had to constantly beat him to a pulp. Besides, why
would I
want to with a stupid, insensitive, sex-changing jerk like him? Honestly!"
She stomped away. "I'm going to get something to eat--I'm starving."
"But Akane," her father called.
Too late. She was gone.
<This gets better and better,>> the Love Bug thought. <I never
knew
humans could be so much fun to watch!>
<I must have the dumbest father in the world.>
Otoko-Ranma was taking a walk in the forest. He didn't want to go
back near the stream, and he didn't want to stay at the campsite, not with
Genma and Souun following him around, questioning him.
<No wonder neither of them came down after us,> he mentally
grumbled,
kicking aside a tree branch in his path. <Hentais. Shoulda known they'd
treat this as an opportunity to "get us together." Ha! Well, their little
plot failed. Why should _I_ want anything to do with that ugly, violent
tomboy?>
He paused and leaned against a tree, his thoughts drifting. He
recalled how timid that "ugly tomboy" had been when she'd asked to lie on
his
shoulder. In his mind her saw her reddened face, her averted eyes, and her
trembling form as she made the request.
And he had been all too willing to comply.
He pictured it all over again, her leaning on his shoulder and her
contented sigh as she drifted off to sleep. He remembered holding her,
thinking that maybe--maybe--it was nice having her so close.
Stubbornly, he shook his head. <No, it must've been a dream. She
hates me. Always calling me names and stuff. That's what it was--a
dream.>
He remembered how his heart had thumped, and sighed.
If it were a dream, it had been so real . . . .
"Well, well. Look who's here--the playboy."
Ranma's pigtail stood erect as he watched Ryouga emerge from the
bushes in front of him. He blinked.
"Well, whaddaya know? It's P-chan!" Ranma exclaimed at the sight
of
his best friend-slash-worst enemy. "Hiya, Pig-boy! What brings you out
here?"
Lit coals burned in Ryouga's eyes. "Cut the small-talk, Ranma,"
he
growled. "I didn't come to exchange pleasantries."
"Oh yeah?" Casually Ranma folded his arms behind his head. "Oh, I
get it. Widdle P-chan wanted to see his widdle mistress Akane." He batted
his eyes. "How sweet."
"Shut up!" With a snarl Ryouga sprang forward, fist hurtling
toward
Ranma, only to have his rival dodge the intended blow. A nice-sized fist-
print marked the tree's trunk.
"Look, man, I don't feel like playing, so why don't you tell me
what's
going on?"
Ryouga twitched, annoyed. "Don't act like you don't know!" He
spun
around and leaped at Ranma again, throwing punches. He grew even more
frustrated as Ranma read his moves, dodging each of his blows.
"You know," Ranma said as he ducked one of Ryouga's thrown
bandannas,
"you're gonna wear yourself out."
"Oh?" Ryouga stopped for a moment. "Like you did the other
night?"
Ranma stared at him. "Huh?"
The distraction was enough for Ryouga. He sprang forward and
uppercutted Ranma into the nearest tree.
Ranma's "promise posed" form slided down into a crumpled heap.
"Ohh,"
he groaned. "Why'd you do that?"
"Oh, come on, Ranma." His rival stood over him, scowling. "Who're
you kidding? I know all about what happened--how that Love Bug came after
you, how and Akane got trapped underground, and how you--you--" He closed
his
eyes. He couldn't bring himself to say it.
Having recovered, Ranma roundhouse-kicked _him_ into a tree.
"Now," Ranma said, panting, "would you run that by me again?
First
of all, how do you know about that Love Bug and what exactly are you pissed
off at me about?"
"It . . . came to me," Ryouga mumbled from the tree.
"Who?"
"The Love Bug, Ranma. It came to me--and told me everything." He
moaned bitterly. "How could you, Ranma? She probably wasn't even ready.
You
should have waited."
<Say what?> "Whoa, whoa, hold on a sec, Ryouga," Ranma protested,
holding up his hands defensively. "Waited? For what?"
Ryouga blushed. "You . . . know."
"Wha--" Then he thought a moment, and slapped his forehead. "Oh,
no,
not you, too! Who told you _that_?"
"The Bug, of course! Who else?"
The Bug? Ranma stared at him, dumbfounded. "What exactly did that
thing tell you?"
Sighing, Ryouga repeated the Love Bug's exact words. Ranma looked
as
though he'd swallowed a fish whole.
"Oh, man, no wonder you're so flipped out." Ranma raked a hand
through his hair, restraining a laugh. "Ryouga, you've got nothing to be
mad
about. We didn't _do_ anything."
Ryouga frowned. "You--didn't?" Then he squinted, suspicious.
"But--but--the Love Bug told me that you--that you--"
Ranma snorted. "Ryouga, that stuff did happen, but it wasn't like
that." He gazed at Ryouga with a mixture of pity and amusement. "And I
thought it was Pop and Mr. Tendou who had the wild imaginations."
Silence. Ryouga regarded the other, still a little uncertain.
"Then . . .you didn't . . .that is, you had the chance, and you . . .
didn't?"
"Why would I want to have anything to do with a mule like her?"
"Hey, don't insult her!"
"Oh, what're you gonna do about it?" Ranma shot back. "Besides,"
he
added, "I was a _girl_ the whole time."
Ryouga, who'd braced himself to throw Ranma a punch for insulting
Akane again, halted in mid- lunge. "You were what?"
"A _girl_, stupid. A female. A chick. A woman. A member of the
opposite sex. Need I go on?"
Suddenly Ryouga felt like an idiot. "Oh." He lowered his fist and
stared at the ground. "I see. But still . . ." He glanced up at Ranma
again.
Ranma spread his hands. "What?"
Ryouga looked thoughtful. "So . . . you didn't feel like . . .
that
is . . . you didn't feel . . . anything? Nothing at all?"
"Huh? Well, I . . ." He hesitated, then caught himself. "No,
man.
There was nothing. Absolutely nothing. Like I said, I was a girl the
whole
time. A girl."
His rival was speechless for a moment as he scrutinized him. Then
Ryouga sadly half-smiled and readjusted his backpack. "Right." He turned
to
leave.
"Uh, Ryouga," Ranma called after him, thoroughly confused, "wait!
Where're you going?"
"Don't worry about it, Ranma." He looked over his shoulder. "I
understand you'll be camping out here for a couple more days. 'P-chan'
will
be watching you." And he was gone.
As Ryouga headed toward the stream, he sighed. <Well, Akane, looks
like I've made a fool out of myself again. Oh well. At least I'll get to
see
you for a while, even if it is as "P-chan."> He thought about Ranma. <And
him--he should be ashamed. Couldn't lie to save his life.>
Meanwhile, a dumbfounded Ranma was scratching his head.
<Forget some damn Love Bug. I think everyone's been bitten by the
Crazy Bug.>
Sometime during that night Ranma and Akane felt a sting over their
hearts.
"What the--" Akane jerked up, jostling P-chan, who'd snuggled up
against her in her sleeping bag. Blinking in the bright moonlight, she
rubbed
the sore spot, and when the ache didn't immediately go away, she cautiously
pulled back the flap of her pajamas to inspect her skin.
What she saw was a small, heart-shaped mark--
--with the characters for "Ranma" on it.
Drawing a sharp breath, she looked up at the sky.
On the other side of the campsite, Ranma, too, awoke not only from
the
sensations of a sting, but also from a strange dream he'd just had. As he
rubbed at his own heart- shaped mark (with the hiragana for "Akane" on it),
his foggy mind struggled to recall the dream. He was certain it was about
the
Love Bug, and it had told him something. . . .
His gaze travelled around the campsite, going from Genma's sleeping
bag, to Souun's, to Akane's--
He saw her gazing up at the starlit sky. He smiled.
Then he looked over in the far corner of the campsite to where
Happousai was sleeping.
His battle aura flared up.
"Ranma?" Akane threw back the fold of her sleeping bag, jarring P-
chan awake. The others also awoke to find Ranma chasing Happousai around
the
campfire.
"So this _was_ all your fault, you little lech!" Ranma yelled,
glowing red.
"But Son," the fully awake hentai protested, "I was only trying to
teach you a lesson. You really should respect your elders--"
"Respect--ha!" Ranma reversed his direction and lunged over the
fire.
"Who're you to talk about respect when you don't give me any?"
"Son," Souun called, "what're you doing to the master?"
Ranma ignored him. "C'mere you!" <Damn, I almost wish I were "in
phase!">
Happousai stuck out his tongue. "Try and catch me, if you can!"
<Now what?> Genma-Panda's sign read.
"Urk!" Happousai croaked as Ranma's fist managed to make contact
with
his head.
"Kweee," P-chan squealed, rolling his eyes.
"You said it, P-chan," Akane told her pet, stroking his head.
"Looks
like things are back to abnormal."
Author's Note: Well, here's my second installment. It may be a little
heavy on the Love stuff, but hey, Ranma 1/2 is a romantic martial arts
comedy
after all.
Hmm, Ranma and Akane have taken some pretty big steps in their
relationship. I wonder what the future will hold . . . .
For those of you who'd like to see other members of the Ranmaverse in my
stories, just you wait. Ukyou, Konatsu, Shampoo, Mousse, Gosunkugi, Kunou,
Tsubasa, and others will have their moments as my evil plot continues.
*Again those oni-horns sprout.*
Be sure to look for installment #3, entitled, "Masquerade Ball Battle:
Ranma vs. Tsubasa."
See ya! :)
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Ranma 1/2 Fanfiction: "Masquerade Ball Battle: Ranma vs. Tsubasa"
(Installment #3)
By: Dark Phoenix (Carolyn Brickhouse)
Disclaimer: These characters belong to Takahashi Rumiko, but the story
idea is mine alone
(Bwahahahahaaa! Ooops. Sorry about that.). This is the third
installment in my ongoing series which
began with my fanfic "Onslaught of the Red Haze." And now, let the
madness begin!
PART I: Who Wants to Play Dress-Up?
"Class, to your seats! I have an announcement."
Hinako-sensei, in child form as usual, darted about the classroom
in
her typical giggly mood. When everyone settled down, she swept to the
front
of the class.
"Wonder what she's so worked up about," Otoko-Ranma grumbled,
tossing
his backpack down beside his desk.
"Now then, class," the child-like English teacher began, "as you
know, it's time for our annual Furinkan High School Spring Festival--"
"Yea! All right!" various members of the class shouted.
Hinako-sensei frowned and whipped out one of her fifty-yen coins.
She
shook a finger at her class. "Ahem. Settle down right now, or I'll have
to
discipline the lot of you."
Immediately the class fell silent. Ms. Hinako was something of a
"ki-
sucking vampire," and her idea of "discipline" was to suck her opponents'
battle auras through her coins, leaving them temporarily helpless and
tranforming herself into a strict twenty-something year-old woman.
"As I was saying," she went on, "Principal Kunou has graciously
agreed to let us celebrate differently this year--"
<Right,> Ranma snorted to himself, <like that jerk ever wanted us
to
celebrate in the first place.>
"--by having a masquerade ball in a couple of weeks!" Ms. Hinako
jumped up and down, squealing.
Again the class started murmuring excitedly amongst themselves. A
masquerade ball! Already students were deciding what costumes to wear,
including Akane Tendou, Ranma's fiancee.
<Wow, a costume ball,> she thought happily. <I know just what to
wear, too.> She stole a glance at her fiance, who was busily tapping his
fingers against the desk, a bored expression on his face. She quirked an
eyebrow at him. <Now the hard part is getting him to come with me.>
<Great,> Ranma was thinking. <And I just _know_ Akane's gonna
want
us to pair up. By now everyone's heard about that Love Bug fiasco.> He
rubbed his temple irritably. <Oyaji and Oji-san just _had_ to blab
everything
in Nabiki's presence. I wish she would stay out of our business.>
"I expect everyone to participate. It'll be fun!" Ms. Hinako
piped
in above the chaos. "Now settle down. It's time for class."
Despite their intense excitement, the class obeyed. No one noticed
the huge, potted plant sitting in the corner sprout legs and slip quietly
out
of the room.
"A masquerade ball! Oh, this'll be so much fun!" Ukyou Kuonji
squealed as she entered her restaurant.
The okonomiyaki chef extraordinaire, dressed as usual in a boy's
school uniform, opened the front door to find her waitress, the ninja
Konatsu, clearing off a table.
Konatsu, a beautiful young man who dressed like and lived as a
woman,
looked up, smiling at his employer. "Ukyou-sama, hello." He bowed.
"Did
you have a good time at school today?"
"I sure did." Ukyou tossed her backpack behind the counter. "My
teacher announced that Furinkan High is having a costume ball in two
weeks!"
"A costume ball? How wonderful!"
Ukyou nodded. "Everyone's so excited--there oughta be a big
turnout.
You know, you should go, too, Konatsu."
The bishounen blushed and averted his eyes. "But Ukyou-sama, I
doubt
I could impress anyone. I'm so . . . plain, you know."
"Oh, please, you give yourself so little credit." Ukyou patted him
on
the shoulder. "As for me, all I want"--she sighed and fluttered her
eyes--
"is to come up with the perfect costume to impress Ran-chan with."
"Oh?" Konatsu picked up the last dish and frowned prettily. "But-
-isn't he engaged to Akane Tendou? He'd be going with her, wouldn't he?
And
she'd certainly not put up with a wandering eye--"
Stubbornly Ukyou waved Konatsu's protestations away. "I doubt
that,
Konatsu. You saw what happened at their wedding. It was a disaster. A
bad
omen, I tell you. Those two were _not_ meant to be together." She took
the
tray away from Konatsu. "I mean, didn't you hear about what happened with
that Love Bug? That proves there's nothing between them."
Konatsu considered for a moment. "Well, you're right about the
wedding disaster, but . . . I don't know. With all due respect, Ukyou-
sama, I think they just had a stroke of bad luck, and--"
"Nonsense, Konatsu," Ukyou cut in, shaking her head. "Ran-chan
and I
go way back. He likes nice girls, not evil, barbaric ones like Akane."
She
moved toward the kitchen sink, her waitress following close behind. "Or
psychos like that Kodachi Kunou. Or floozies like that bimbo from China,
Shampoo."
Konatsu shrugged and said nothing.
"Anyway," his employer continued, "even though _I_ have more of a
chance than those girls ever will, I still have to come up with the
perfect
costume."
"But my dear Ukyou-sama, you're already perfect," said the girl's
voice coming from a huge pot sitting in the corner.
Ukyou dropped the tray and "promise posed," her eyes shrinking to
pinpoints. Konatsu gasped and watched as the pot sprouted the arms,
legs,
and head of the last person Ukyou wanted to see.
"Tsubasa Kurenai!" Ukyou moaned in horror.
Giggling, Tsubasa, another cross-dressing male, shook off the
remains
of the pot and curtsied. "Exactly. I've come back to see you again, my
darling Ukyou-sama!" He dashed toward her.
Sweating, Ukyou backed up against the sink and reached inside her
shirt for a bag of the gunpowder-tempura flake mixture she rarely used.
But
Konatsu intervened, frowning.
"Please, could we not have any fighting?" he pleaded while
wondering
which Kunoichi Nimpo manuever he should use against this pest.
Annoyed, Tsubasa ignored him. "Ukyou-sama, please tell Cinderella
here to move along. I came here to see _you,_ not him."
Her stomach lurching, Ukyou gently pushed Konatsu aside. "It's
OK. I
can handle him." Then she focused a stern gaze on Tsubasa. "Tsubasa,
how
many times do I have to tell you to go away?"
Tsubasa's bottom lip trembled, and his large eyes filled with
tears.
"But--but Ukyou-sama, I came to give you a present."
Ukyou's eyes made that squelchy noise as she blinked. "A--
present?"
Eagerly Tsubasa reached inside his dress pocket and pulled out a
sparkling gold bracelet, inlaid with an assortment of gems.
Both Ukyou and Konatsu gasped, intrigued. "It's gorgeous!"
exclaimed
Konatsu. "Where did you get that?"
"Bought it, of course," Tsubasa answered haughtily. "How else?
It
cost many yen, but it was worth it." He offered it to Ukyou. "Here.
Think
of it as an engagement gift."
Ukyou's left eye twitched. "En-engagement gift?" She swallowed.
"No thanks!"
Tsubasa pouted. "But Ukyou-sama--"
Impatient, Ukyou pressed it firmly into Tsubasa's hand. "No,
Tsubasa.
My heart belongs to someone else. Please understand." She turned away.
"But--" Tsubasa toyed with the fringe of his dress. "But I--"
"No, Tsubasa." Then, feeling guilty at using such a harsh tone,
she
turned to face him again. "Look, Tsubasa, I'm sorry. But I've got
homework
to do, a restaurant to run, and a costume ball to prepare for." She spread
her hands. "I'm just too busy right now."
"Um." Tsubasa stood there, crestfallen for a moment. Then he
brightened. "Oh, well. I've got business to take care of myself. Rest
assured, my darling, that you'll be seeing me again soon!" He bounced
toward
the nearest exit and waved. "Until then!" And he was gone.
Absently fingering one of his hair ornaments, Konatsu turned
shining
eyes toward his employer. "You handled that quite well."
All Ukyou could do was sigh.
"My, what a pretty dress, Akane."
Kasumi, the eldest Tendou sister, smiled as Akane carefully
smoothed
over the elaborate medieval- style dress she held.
"Thanks, Kasumi-oneechan," Akane said, beaming. "Isn't it
gorgeous?
This is what I'm wearing to the masquerade ball Friday."
"Indeed." Kasumi said. Then she did a double-take. "Akane, isn't
Friday your birthday?"
"Uh-huh." Akane grinned. "You know, I would've loved to have a
party
right here at home, but well, I really would like to go to this ball."
"Oh, that shouldn't be a problem, Akane. I'm sure we can still
give
you a party, even a late one." Kasumi patted her sister's arm to
reassure
her.
"Thanks, Kasumi." Lovingly she caressed the dress. "I always
wanted
to dress up as Juliet again."
"I still say Romeo suits you better, Akane."
Akane slowly turned around to look at the doorway. There stood
Ranma
leaning against the wall, a completely innocent expression on his face.
"Ranma," Akane said with mock sweetness, "what exactly do you mean
by
_that_?"
"Duh, Akane," Ranma continued drily. "Isn't it obvious? I mean,
look at that dress. It's too . . . well . . . It was meant for a girl
with a
figure, not a--"
Ranma didn't finish his sentence, being interrupted by a well-
placed
fist in the face.
"Who asked you, you moron?" Akane spun on her heel and went back
to
her dress, leaving Ranma in a crumpled heap.
Kasumi made a tsk-tsk noise. "Now, Akane, if you keep hitting your
'Romeo' like that, he won't be in any shape to go to the ball with you!"
"Who said I wanted him to come with me?" Akane spat. <Honestly!
I
wish Ranma would watch his mouth. After what happened on that camping
trip,
I almost hate to hit him so much.> Then her eyes narrowed. <But the
last
thing I'd _ever_ want anyone to suspect is that I actually feel . . .
closer
to him.>
"Oww, the pain," Ranma groaned, sitting up and rubbing his face.
<She still hits as hard as ever. Just as well, I guess. Don't want them
suspecting we could actually stand each other.>
Suppressing a giggle, Kasumi said, "Oh, welcome home, Ranma. Or
should I say--Romeo?" She winked at him.d at him. Ranma rose to
his feet, snarling. "I am NOT her Romeo!"
"Yes, you are, Son."
Three heads turned to see Nodoka Saotome stroll in, carrying her
wrapped katana and a basket of flowers, the latter of which she set down
near the table.
"Good Evening, Auntie Saotome," Akane greeted, glad for the
distraction.
"Hello, Mrs. Saotome," added Kasumi, rising to marvel over the
flower
basket.
"And hello to you," Nodoka replied, smiling. Then she turned a
stern
gaze toward her son. "Ranma, you _are_ going to the ball with Akane as
Romeo, and that's final."
Ranma sputtered, "But--but Ma--"
"I won't hear it." Nodoka shook a finger at him. "Accompanying
your
fiancee, my son, would be a very manly thing for you to do," she pointed
out. "It's a husband's duty to look out for his wife."
"But she ain't my wife, Ma!" her son countered, defiant.
"Doesn't matter." With one deft movement Nodoka whipped out her
katana sword (she had gotten much better at handling the thing). Its blade
glinted in the evening light.
Ranma gulped.
"Now, as I was saying, Son, you _are_ going to the ball." She
smiled
very sweetly. "With Akane."
The Pig-Tailed Boy opened his mouth, but the sight of the
unsheathed
blade changed his mind. Defeated, he hung his head. "But Ma," he said
sullenly, "I don't got a costume."
"No problem." Sheathing her sword, Nodoka reached into
garmentspace
and pulled out a man's medieval-style pants outfit.
"You'll look so dashing in blue," Nodoka commented, indicating the
outfit.
<Well,> Akane thought. <Guess that solves _that_ problem.>
<Guess that means I'll be going,> Otoko-Ranma thought as he
stepped
outside onto the porch, hands in his pockets. <Shoulda known Ma would
interfere. *Sigh* Well, guess there's no use grumbling about it. I
either
go or become better acquainted with Ma's katana.>
Leaning against the outside wall, his thoughts drifted--as they
tended
to do lately--to Akane.
<Come to think of it, the tomboy might--might--actully suite that
dress.> He closed his eyes, trying to imagine her in it--
--and realized what he was doing.
<Whoa! I'm doing it again.> He rubbed his temple. <No matter
how
hard I try not to, I always end up thinking about . . . her.>
To distract himself he walked toward the carp pond, admiring how
well
the grass had grown back around it. <Speaking of Akane,> he mused, <I
thought I heard them mention Akane's birthday is this Friday. That means
I'll be expected to get her a gift. But I'm flat broke, and I _don't_
wanna
borrow money from Nabiki-->
He slapped his forehead. <Arrggh! There I go again.> He looked
helplessly up at the evening sky.
<What's happening to me?>
"Well, well, well. If it isn't Ranma Saotome!" a girl's voice
called.
Ranma jumped, startled. Before he could demand the unseen speaker
reveal himself, one of the rocks around the carp pond broke away from the
rest and scooted toward him. He assumed a battle-ready stance.
"What the hell--"
Then he heard giggling issue from the rock, and before he could say
another word, the rock cracked apart, revealing the smug-faced form of
Tsubasa.
"You?" Ranma's eyes widened. "What're you doing here?"
"Surprised to see me again?" Tsubasa asked, smoothing down his
dress.
"Surely you didn't think I had gone away forever, now did you?"
"I wish you had." Ranma grumbled. He had a good reason to be
angry
with Tsubasa: The so- called "master of camouflague" had goaded Ranma
into
using his female form to compete with Tsubasa's-- until Ranma had
discovered
that Tsubasa wasn't even a real girl.
Tsubasa rocked back and forth on his heels. "Really, Saotome, you
shouldn't be so rude, not when I'm here to offer you my services."
"Services?" Ranma squinted suspiciouly at him. "C'mon, man.
There's
nothing I need from you."
Tsubasa glanced up at the sky and whistled. "Au contraire, my
friend.
I could do you a lot of good." The kawaii boy straightened the bow in
his
hair and sat down on one of the rocks, crossing his legs. "I understand
your
dear fiancee Akane Tendou is celebrating her birthday this Friday."
Wondering how Tsubasa knew that little bit of information, Ranma
pierced him with a glare. "And where'd you pick that up?"
The master of disguises giggled behind his hand. "Oh, please.
With
me the walls literally have ears, Saotome."
"So you were spying on me?"
"I wouldn't call it spying!" protested Tsubasa. "I just happened
to
be at the right place at the right time."
Ranma folded his arms. "Like I said--you were spying."
Tsubasa face-faulted.
"OK, OK, whatever," he grumbled. "But the bottom line is this:
As
her fiancee you're expected to give her a gift. A nice gift. An
_expensive_ gift."
"I still don't see where this little discussion is going."
"Be patient, will you?" Tsubasa held up his hand, then rose and
pointed dramatically at Ranma. "You, Ranma Saotome, by parading in
female
guise not only tried to take my dear Ukyou-sama away from me but also dared
compare your looks to mine." He angrily stamped his foot. "You've some
nerve, you know that? To think that an uncultured lout like you could best
_me_ at being the cuter girl!"
Like a leaden weight Ranma's jaw plummeted to the ground. "What?!
You're still broken up about _that_?"
"You bet I am!" Hands on his hips, Tsubasa stepped forward and
stared Ranma dead in the eye. "And I want a rematch."
"A-a rematch?"
"Precisely." He smirked. "My challenge is this: Come to the
Furinkan High School ball prepared to prove once and for all which one of
us
can convincingly act more feminine."
Shocked, Ranma strove to keep his anger in check. "You gotta be
kidding! First of all, I'm only going to the dumb ball because my Ma is
making me. And second of all"--he jabbed Tsubasa's nose-- "I'm a guy, and
the
last thing I need to be doing right now is acting feminine."
Rubbing his nose, Tsubasa clucked his tongue. "So what you're
saying
is that you're chicken, right?"
"Chicken?" Ranma's battle aura flared up. "Say that again?"
Ignoring Ranma's rising anger, Tsubasa glanced away. "Well,
imagine
that. Last I heard the esteemed Ranma Saotome didn't run away from a
fight."
Ranma had had enough. He pounded Tsubasa on the head.
"Dumbass! You calling _me_ a coward?"
On the ground Tsubasa rubbed his head. "Yes, but apparently that
was
a mistake." He picked himself up and regarded the other. "And it seems
being female sometimes does nothing to hinder the pain you can deliver."
Now it was Ranma's time to smirk. "Damn right."
A glint shone in Tsubasa's eye. "Which is why I'm certain to win
this
challenge, and"--he reached inside his dress front-- "why I'm willing to
bet
this!"
Glinting in his outstretched hand was an expensive-looking gold
bracelet inlaid with jewels.
Ranma forgot his rage for a moment to draw a sharp breath. "Whoa--
where'd you get that?"
Exasperated, Tsubasa rolled his eyes. "I really wish people would
stop asking me that. I _bought_ it. And yes, it's very expensive." He
smiled, admiring it. "It's to be a present for my darling Ukyou-sama."
"For U-chan, huh?" Ranma commented. "So she's decided to date you
now?"
Tsubasa looked ashamed. "Well, not . . . not exactly. But I . . .
um . . . still plan to give it to her." He focused on Ranma again. "That
is,
unless you can win it from me."
"Hmm." Ranma affected a look of disinterest. "Yeah, well, I'm not
interested."
Tsubasa placed a hand on his hip. "Oh really? So you plan to give
your fiancee some other, less expensive gift?"
"Hentai yarou--who says I wanna give that macho woman anything?"
Ranma shouted at him. "Why should I care if it's her birthday or not?"
The force of Ranma's voice blew Tsubasa's long hair back. When the
wind stopped, the master of disguises shrugged. "So you've said." He
placed the bracelet back in his dress front. "Anyway, my offer still
stands. If you won't accept my challenge for Akane's sake, then at least
be
man enough to accept it as a simple challenge."
"Whadda _you_ know about what's manly, Tsubasa?" <What an arrogant
little bastard. I'll accept this challenge to teach him a lesson.>
"OK, Tsubasa, I accept."
Tsubasa blinked. "Uh, what was that?"
"I said I accept." He casually folded his arms behind his head.
"Besides, I ain't got nothing better to do, and since you're willing to
make a
fool out of yourself, why shouldn't I play along?"
"Ha!" Overjoyed, Tsubasa jumped up and down. "I should've known
you
couldn't resist. Fine then. You come to the ball, and we'll get this
thing
started." He turned to go. "I'll be seeing you. Bye!"
As soon as Tsubasa had gone, Ranma began wracking his brain.
<OK, I accepted. Now, how am I gonna manage this?> He scratched
his
head, a worried expression creeping onto his face. <It's not like last
time--Ma's back home. If she catches me even considering running around
in
a fancy girl's costume in my female form . . . > He shuddered.
Then he reconsidered. Maybe there was a way to get around that
particular obstacle, but there was one other problem, one that pierced
his
soul, plaguing him even more.
How was he ever going to cope with the fact that he was mainly
accepting this challenge--for Akane's sake?
"And how's Mommy's widdle baby?" Akane cooed, picking up P-chan
and
hugging him close.
The black piglet, aka Ryouga Hibiki, sighed. "Kweee," he squealed
with delight. She was such a nice girl. If only he could tell her how
much
he loved her when he was human . . .
Grinning, Akane straightened the black and yellow bandanna tied
around
her pet's neck and held him so he could look at her costume. "See that,
P-
chan? That's what I'm wearing to the masquerade ball. I can hardly
wait."
It certainly was lovely, and P-chan squealed a reply. He knew
Akane
would flatter it. Then he grunted, imaginary brows furrowing. It was
too
bad Ranma wouldn't appreciate it, though. If anything, he was probably
somewhere trying to figure out a way to get out of going. Akane
mistook her
piglet's cranky mood for being hungry. "Oh, what's the matter, P-chan?
You
ready to eat?" She picked him up again. "Let's go find you something."
Before her hand reached the door, a timid voice called her name.
"Excuse me . . . Ms. Akane?"
"Kweee!" P-chan squealed, startled, and Akane spun around, ready
to
strike the unwelcome intruder. When she saw who it was, she relaxed.
"Konatsu!" She set P-chan down on the bed. "How'd you get in
here?"
The bishounen ninja bowed and shrugged. "I'm a ninja--I have my
ways.
Please forgive me. I didn't mean to intrude." He averted his eyes,
uncertain.
Concerned, Akane's brow furrowed. "Konatsu--is something wrong?"
The ninja took a deep breath. "Ms. Akane . . . I just wanted to
let
you know that Ms. Ukyou will also be attending the costume ball."
Akane nodded, not surprised. "Well, I expected as much. After
all,
everyone's talking about going. But why are you so--"
"She's setting her sights on your fiance."
"Is she now?" Akane affected disinterest. "That's nothing new.
Why
should I care?"
"Please, Ms. Akane." Konatsu stepped forward and took her hand.
"All
I'm saying is that you should be on your guard. I know things between
you
two are not at all smooth, and . . . I know very well what it's like to
love
someone and not really be sure that person loves you back."
Akane stared at him, shocked speechless. She struggled to say
something, but all she could do was blush profusely.
P-chan noticed this and hung his little head.
Nervously Akane wiped a strand of hair from her cheek. When she
finally found her voice and looked up for Konatsu, he was already gone,
leaving no indication he'd ever been there.
Numb, Akane sat down on her bed. P-chan nudged her hand, but she
didn't seen to notice. She was lost in thought.
<Konatsu's very perceptive. And he's right--Ranma _has_ been
acting
pretty distant lately, and I have been wondering . . .> She fought back
a
tear. <And he hasn't said a thing about my birthday being this Friday.
Maybe . . . maybe all that happened on that trip to the mountains _was_
just a
dream.> She sighed, remembering how calm and wonderful she'd felt when
she'd
lain against him- well, _her_, her mind amended--in the cavern. <It had
felt
so real . . . .>
Then she thought of Ukyou, and her battle aura flared up, startling
P-
chan. <And Ukyou--if she thinks she's going to take Ranma away from me,
she's got another thing coming! He may still be susceptible to her
charms,
but I'm not letting that moronic jerk out of my sight.> She clenched her
fist. <I'll show her. After all the trouble she caused at our wedding-->
Suddenly she froze. Where had those thoughts come from? Was she
actually afraid Ranma could be seduced away from her?
Determined, she pounded her fist into her palm.
"If I catch him snuggling up to her or anyone else," she vowed,
whipping out the Tendou family sword and patting it against her palm,
"he's
a dead man!"
P-chan shivered. Although he wasn't sure of all the details, he
suspected his presence would be needed at that ball as well.
PART II:
And May the Best Man--er, Woman--Win
That Friday night at 11pm the Furinkan High Masquerade Ball was
fully
underway.
Students and teachers alike flowed into the the school gymnasium,
representing every type of costume imaginable. Kunou-kouchou came
dressed
as a Hawaiian king, laughing manically and waving a pair of hair
clippers.
Hinako-sensei wore an elf costume which stretched to outrageous proportions
whenever she had to discipline an unruly student. Hikaru Gosunkugi wore
the
guise of a Shinto magician, which might have been frightening had he
managed
to keep some of the other students from beating him up. There were many
other
costumes, some unusual, others standard fare. Everyone was chatting and
enjoying themselves. The sound system was even blasting the upbeat tunes
of
the group DoCo.
Akane, Ranma, and Nabiki arrived shortly.
"Wow! They really put out the yen this time," Nabiki exclaimed,
dressed in an elaborate kimono worthy of a Japanese empress. She folded
her
fan and tapped it against her hand and searched the crowd. "I wonder where
my
friends are. They said they'd be here. I told them tonight might be
interesting."
"And why would you tell them that?" Ranma asked, scanning the
crowd
for Tsubasa.
Nabiki shrugged. "Oh, Ranma-kun, please. With you around there's
sure to be some excitement."
"Or trouble," Akane, fumbling with her headdress, mumbled
sullenly.
Nabiki rolled her eyes and regarded the two. Ranma and Akane had
been
awfully silent on the way here. Tension between them was always thick,
but
it seemed tonight it was even more so. Naturally curious, she wondered
what was going on.
<I'll find out soon enough,> she mused, studying them as they took
in
their surroundings. Having a soft spot despite her mercenary nature,
Nabiki
had to admit the two complimented each other quite well. Ranma's costume
even
included a flowing cape, and Akane's dress was a bright purple and gold
with a
long train. These costumes looked even better than the one's they'd worn
during the Romeo and Juliet play.
<Too bad their dispositions aren't any better,> Nabiki observed.
<If
I didn't know them as well as I do, I'd swear they just had a seriously
big
lover's quarrel or something.>
Deciding to let the matter rest for the time being, Nabiki smoothed
aside a lock of her short-brown mane and patted the camera she carried in
her
purse. "Well, I'm going to look for my friends. I know they're around
here
somewhere." She squinted as she searched the sea of faces. "Wonder where
Kunou-chan is."
"Who knows? Who cares?" Ranma grumbled.
Nabiki frowned slightly. "My, my. Aren't _you_ the spoilsport."
She
turned to go. "I'll be seeing you." She retreated into the crowd.
That left Akane and Ranma alone. They eyed each other sideways.
"Well," Ranma began, uncomfortable, "whadda we do now?"
Akane feigned a smile. "How about we go get something to drink?"
"Whatever you want." He shrugged.
They moved through the crowd. From all sides people were
marvelling
at the couple's outfits and showering them with compliments, but neither
Ranma nor Akane was actually listening. Once they reached the
refreshment
table, Akane poured herself a drink and casually regarded her fiance.
"So, Ranma, what's with the backpack?" She gestured over his
shoulder.
"Just bringing a few things I'll need," was all he said.
Akane looked suspicious. "What could you possibly need at a party
that requires a backpack?"
Irritable, Ranma rubbed his temple. "Um, Akane, do you mind? I'm
looking for someone."
Eyes narrowing, Akane crumbled the plastic cup in her hand to dust.
"Is that so? And who would that be?"
"Hi, Ran-chan."
Akane and Ranma looked up to see the approaching forms of Ukyou and
Konatsu. The master of okonomiyaki-style martial arts wore a flattering
warrior-type outfit that made Akane a little green with envy. Konatsu
followed in the guise of an Egyptian maiden.
"Yo, U-chan, Konatsu," Ranma greeted, glad for the distraction.
"Nice costumes."
"Yeah, nice," Akane echoed, less than enthusiastic.
Ukyou blushed, batting her eyes. "Oh, thank you, Ran-chan. You
look
dashing as usual." She glanced over at Akane, who was starting to glow
bright blue. "Oh, hi, Akane-chan. Nice dress."
Akane smiled icily. "Thanks." <Really, Ukyou, you should be
ashamed
of yourself. That costume almost looks like something Shampoo would
wear.>
Sensing the tension, Konatsu cleared his throat. "It's really
wonderful to see you two here. Um, Ukyou-sama, would you like something to
drink?" He gestured toward the table.
"Sure, Konatsu." Ukyou waved him aside, never taking her gaze from
Ranma. <You may be here with Akane, but from the way your eyes keep
darting
about, I can tell you're looking for someone else.> She pouted. <Poor
baby.>
"So what're your plans for tonight?" she continued, nudging closer
to
him.
<That's it!> Furious, Akane grabbed Ranma by his pigtail. "C'mon,
Ranma, I have to talk to you. Right now."
"Oooh, oww!" Ranma yowled as she dragged him away.
Akane dragged him up to the nearest wall and cornered him, staring
him
straight in the eye.
Ranma rubbed his scalp. "Now what was that for?"
"You _were_ waiting for Ukyou, weren't you?" Akane demanded,
fuming.
"Huh?" He looked confused. "Ukyou? No, of course not!"
"Oh no?" Akane paused long enough to give the evil eye to a few
eavesdropping students, who immediately edged away. "Then why were you
so
busily searching the crowd? Was it for Shampoo?"
Ranma sighed and rolled his eyes. "No, stupid. Didn't I tell you
Shampoo's out of town with the old ghoul? They're performing some weird
secret Amazon ritual or something."
Akane wasn't convinced. "Then for who? Kodachi? Mikado? Kunou?"
"Kunou?! No!"
"Then who?" Akane scrutinized him. "You know, ever since that
Love
Bug incident, you've been behaving strangely. Really cold and distant.
Now
I want to know what's going on, and I want to know now!"
Ranma suppressed a moan. This was awful. Part of him wanted to
confess everything, and the other part warned him to keep his mouth shut.
This was a delicate business. He was already tense because he didn't want
what he was about to do to get back to his mother. And now, between Akane
browbeating him and his wondering if he really did . . . care very deeply
for
her . . .
<See?> He thought miserably. <I still can't even think the "l"
word, and yet I know . . . Akane, what the hell did you do to me?>
Akane tapped her foot, then grabbed him by the collar. "Well?"
"Uh," Ranma began, sweating.
"Attention, please," a sultry voice announced over the intercom.
"Would everyone please gather around the center stage for an explanation
of
tonight's activities?"
Everyone turned to regard Ms. Hinako, in adult form this time,
standing in front of a microphone, a trio of disciplined students lying
at
her feet.
Glancing down at them, she sniffed and shook her long brown mane.
"I
told them alcohol wasn't allowed," she muttered before going on. "Now
then. First of all, I wanted to let you know that I'm glad so many of
our
students showed up tonight."
A chorus of cheers ensued. Frowning, Ms. Hinako whipped out a
fifty-
yen coin.
Silence.
She smiled smugly, even as she reverted back to child form.
"That's
better. Now, as I was saying--"
"Hold it!" a girl's voice commanded.
Heads raised and voices chattered, curious about the mysterious
voice.
A second later one of the speakers onstage exploded, revealing a cute,
giggly
young lady dressed in an elaborate Southern bell costume, complete with
bonnet, dainty white gloves, and a parasol.
"Guess that's my cue," Ranma murmured, taking advantage of Akane's
inattention and springing away.
"Hey, that girl looks . . . familiar," Akane whispered, turning
back
to where Ranma had been. "Ranma, isn't that--" She blinked. "Ranma?
Ranma?"
"Ta-dah!" Tsubasa squealed, taking the microphone from a startled
Ms.
Hinako. "Ladies and gentlemen and whatever, I, Tsubasa Kurenai, have
arranged for a special bit of entertainment for you all tonight."
"Entertainment?" More muttering. "What's she talking about?"
"Hope
it's something good--this party has been a little dull so far." "Has
anyone
seen my date?"
<What is going on?> Akane wondered.
"Prepare to be astounded," Tsubasa continued, "as Furinkan High
witnesses the very first Femme- athon!"
"Femme-athon?" serveral members of the audience repeated
"That's right. My opponent and I will decide once and for all
which
of us is more of a 'lady.'" He paused for dramatic tension. "And my
worthy--or unworthy--opponent, as the case may be is . . . Ranma
Saotome!"
A chorus of "huhs" and "whats" filled the gymnasium. Those closest
to
Akane looked to her for an explanation.
While the audience murmured amongst themselves, Tsubasa searched
the
crowd. "Now where is he? Don't tell me he's late." Tsubasa folded his
arms and pouted. "Or that he's run away."
"Fat chance, pal!"
Akane froze, recognizing the voice. Something darted along the
rafters of the ceiling and landed gracefully on the stage. Akane
couldn't
believe her eyes.
Standing defiantly in front of Tsubasa was a girl dressed in a
green
harem costume straight out of the Arabian Nights. Bright red hair was
drawn
up into a ponytail that flowed well past her waist, red hair that Akane
knew
all too well.
Ignoring the chatter, Onna-Ranma fixed her gaze on Tsubasa.
"Tsubasa
Kurenai," she announced, "I, Ranma Saotome, have come to accept your
challenge."
<I don't believe this!> A short distance away Akane glowed red.
<A
challenge? From Tsubasa? And he never even told me about _this_ one!
That
lousy . . . just what is he up to now? And is he crazy, parading around in
_that_? What if Mrs. Saotome were to see him like that?>
She clenched her fist. She just should march right up there and
demand an explanation, she knew she should. But right now she was so
angry
and hurt all she could do was stand there and watch.
<Some birthday this is turning out to be . . . >
"Yo, Tsubasa," Ranma said, cracking her knuckles, "whaddaya say
we
get this thing started, huh?"
"Whoa," Tsubasa answered, looking her up and down. "You're
determined to win this, aren't you?"
"Yeah, whatever." Ranma flicked a lock of hair over her shoulder.
"Can we get started already?"
"Patience, patience, Saotome." Wrenching his gaze away from Ranma,
Tsubasa took up the microphone again. "Ladies and gentlemen, you, the
audience, will decide. The contest is as follows: I will give a series of
scenarios in which each of us will exhibit feminine behavior. Whichever
one
of us can convincingly act the _least_ masculine, wins." He gestured at
Ms.
Hinako. "I would like you to be the final judge, if you don't mind."
"Oh. Well, um, sure!" Ms. Hinako giggled.
"Wow," someone murmured, and other students took up the
discussion.
"A cat fight! Cool!" "I'm betting on Tsubasa." "I dunno, man.
Saotome's
done some pretty convincing things in the past. I'll vote for him--uh,
her." "Where'd all that hair come from?"
"Is he for real?" Akane whispered to herself. Then she spied
Ukyou,
confiding something in Konatsu. Gritting her teeth, she plowed through
the
crowd to get to her.
"Ukyou," she hissed, "did you put him up to this?"
"What? Me?" Ukyou vehemently shook her head. "No way. I had no
idea Tsubasa had challenged him. I swear!"
"I don't believe you!" Akane spat, jealousy having completely
enthralled her. "Let me guess-- they're fighting over you again, is that
it?"
Ukyou seemed at a loss for words. "I--I don't know! Akane, really
I
don't! All I did was come out here to impress him--oops!" she said,
seeing
fire light up in Akane's eyes.
"Uh, Akane," she proffered.
"I'm getting to the bottom of this." Akane stomped away, heading
for
the stage.
Konatsu sighed. "Tonight should be interesting."
Ukyou nodded. "I'll say. Things sure are taking a strange turn."
Absently she fingered the huge spatula she always carried. "I think I'd
better lay off Ran-chan for now. This little 'gal-off' looks a lot more
intriguing."
It wasn't long before Akane was dragging a loudly protesting Ranma
off
the stage and into a corner.
"Oww! Why'd you do that, stupid?" Ranma demanded, massaging the
area
where Akane had pulled.
Glowing like a Juliet from hell, Akane planted herself right in
front
of her fiance and spat, "What . . . in the world . . . do you think . .
.
you're wearing?"
Ranma stared blankly at her. "It's a costume, stupid. What's it
look
like?"
"A costume?" Akane looked her up and down. "Where? You're
practically falling out of it!" She pointed at Ranma's torso.
"What? No, I'm not!" Then she looked down at herself. "Oooh,
boy.
Well, I can't help being a little big for this top. It was the best I
could
do on such short notice."
Akane clenched her fists. <OK. Should I murder him now or wait
until
I don't have any witnesses?>
"Ranma," Akane whispered, "is your pride so great that you're
willing
to compete with somebody like Tsubasa _again_? Does stringing Ukyou
along
still mean something to you?"
"Hey!" Ranma poked a finger at her. "For your information,
tomboy, I
ain't doing this for Ukyou."
"Ha!" Akane snorted. "Puh-lease! If that's true, then why don't
you
tell me what's going on?"
Ranma's face drained of color. No, she wouldn't. Not now. She
had
to get this over and done with. "I . . . can't say, Akane," she mumbled,
averting her gaze.
Frustrated, Akane grabbed her fiance by her sleeves. "Why?"
"Because . . ." Ranma trailed off, staring into her eyes. She saw
the hurt and pain there, and wanted to do something about it . . .
But Ranma was Ranma, and the familiar stubbornness resurfaced.
"Listen, I don't got time to listen to you browbeat me." Taking advantage
of
Akane's shocked state, she wriggled out of her grasp. "Just butt out and
let me do my work, OK?" And without another word she leapt away.
Akane watched her go, cursing to herself silently. <Why did I ever
think I could care about him?>
Just then an estatic Nabiki rushed up to her, a stack of photos in
her
hand.
"Akane, look! Kunou-baby's going to love this!" She searched the
crowd. "Now where is he? The rich just have to be fashionably late."
She
sighed. "Well, gotta go. Bye!"
Meanwhile, Ranma was making her way back to the stage.
<What a dumb chick. Always interfering. She'll learn what's going
on
soon enough. I swear, women. I'm one half the time and I still don't
quite
understand them, especially ones like that tomboy.>
She landed on the stage just as Tsubasa was inquiring about her
whereabouts.
"Ah, there you are," Tsubasa said, toying with his parasol. "Are
you
ready?"
"Tsubasa," Ranma said with a smirk, adopting a very feminine
stance,
"let's see what you've got."
Somewhere in the crowd Ryouga Hibiki, disguised as a medieval
squire,
watched with interest. If anything, he knew somewhere along the way he'd
have to comfront Ranma for being such a jerk.
"Let the contest begin!"
Ms. Hinako clapped her hands, overjoyed at being the emcee for this
little bit of entertainment. The lights had been dimmed, and everyone
had
crowded around the two contestants in the middle of the gym. One would
think they were gathered to watch their favorite sport, as many had bags of
popcorn and drinks. Once everyone was settled, Ms. Hinako read the
contents
of the piece of paper she held.
"First event," she announced, "is Sewing. Wheee!" She bounced up
and down. "Whichever contestant can sew a handkerchief in the most
ladylike
manner wins." She gestured to the two contestants. "Whenever you're
ready,
um-"she looked at Onna-Ranma and shrugged-"ladies."
<Sewing? He's gotta be kidding.> Ranma yawned. She affected a
smile. "Why don't you go first, Tsubasa?"
Tsubasa smirked. "Giving up already?"
"Not a chance . . . sweetheart," Ranma replied sarcastically.
"Just
being a good sport."
"Right." Tsubasa laid down his parasol, took up the needle and
thread, and then, tossing his hair aside, began to sew. Slowly.
Ranma's irises shrunk to pinpoints. "Uh, Tsubasa, you wanna hurry
it
up? I don't got all night."
Tsubasa didn't answer, but kept right on sewing.
The audience made comments.
"Hmm. Nice form. She moves the needle rather delicately." "Look
at
that arm--perfect grace!" "Gee, couldn't she, you know, move a little
faster?"
<This is ridiculous!> Impatient, Ranma grabbed her own sewing
supplies. "You call that graceful?" A glint shone in her eye. "Watch
this."
Ranma took a deep breath, then--
"Yaaaaaaaaah!"
Suddenly Ranma's arms were moving so fast they were a blur.
Astounded
murmurs filled the air. In thirty seconds later--
"Ta-dah!" Ranma held up a perfectly embroidered handkerchief with
the
hiragana for her name spelled out on it. Smirking, she tossed it to Ms.
Hinako. "So, Teach, whaddaya think of that?"
"Ooooh!" squealed a kawaii voice, and someone snatched the
handkerchief from Ms. Hinako. "That hankie's sooooo kewt. Jean-Claude!
Jean-Claude!" And Azusa Shiratori, dressed as a teddy bear, bounced away.
"Doesn't that girl go to another school?" someone muttered.
Ms. Hinako pouted. "Awwww! And I didn't even get to look at it
properly." She huffed and turned to the audience. "All right, people.
What's your input?"
"Well," someone piped in, "Saotome did a good job, but . . . I
mean,
it was gracefully done and everything,--"
"Of course it was!" Ranma butted in.
The student gulped. "Yeah, but . . . wouldn't a real lady have
taken
her time? I mean, Saotome was so . . . fast."
Ranma almost had a heart-attack. "Say WHAT?"
Murmurs of agreement rumbled throughout the audience. Some of the
girls rolled their eyes and whispered amongst themselves. Ignoring Ranma's
shocked gaze, Ms. Hinako shrugged.
"Then I guess Tsubasa wins this one." She glanced at the paper.
"The
next event is--"
"Hey! Wait a minute," Ranma spat, planting herself squarely in
front
of Ms. Hinako. "You're gonna deny me points just because I actually got
the
job done?"
"Uh, excuse me," Tsubasa interrupted, gathering his skirts. "The
winner of each event is the one who exhibits the more proper feminine
behavior, not the one who finishes the job." He giggled. "And I'm afraid
you failed."
Ranma clenched her fists. "If we weren't in public, you little
asshole, I'd--"
Sitting on a table somewhere, Akane huffed, annoyed. <This is so
dumb . . .>
Ms. Hinako cleared her throat. "The next event"--she paused as
Ranma
crushed the microphone stand-- "is, um, Self-Defense." She motioned to
the
two sailors hovering nearby. "Daikuse, Hiroshi, would you come up here
please?"
The two boys, classmates of Ranma, stepped eagerly onstage.
"Now gentlemen," Ms. Hinako said, "you two are going to pretend to
attack each of our two contestants. The winner is the girl who can show
how
a really proper lady would handle this situation. Go for it." She
stepped
aside.
The two boys looked from Ranma to Tsubasa. "So, ah," the one
called
Hiroshi asked, "who's first?"
Ranma waved them toward Tsubasa.
The boys shrugged. "OK." They conferred a moment, cleared their
throats, then approached Tsubasa in what they thought was a menacing
manner.
"Here now, Missy," Daikuse said, adopting a scowl, "we're taking
you
with us, and we don't want any trouble out of you. Right?" He reached
over
and grabbed Tsubasa's arm.
"Right." Hiroshi echoed, a little embarrassed with being on stage
in
front of everyone.
"Pathetic," Ranma muttered.
"Oh!" Tsubasa breathed dramatically. "Oh please don't hurt me!"
He
pretended to struggle. "Oh, isn't there a brave gentleman nearby to save a
poor, helpless girl? Help, help!" Then he bowed, the performance having
concluded.
Several applauded. Ranma stared, dumbfounded beyond belief. "You
guys actually bought that?" She gazed at Tsubasa contemptously. "That
was
the most revolting display I've ever seen!"
Tsubasa stuck out his tongue. "Then why don't _you_ show us how
it's
done?" He motioned the two boys toward Ranma.
Ranma watched as Daikuse and Hiroshi conferred again. Then each
boy
reached over and grabbed Ranma under her arms.
"Whoa, watch it, jerks!" Ranma snapped. "This bodice is stretched
tight enough as it is."
"Just play along, Ranma," Hiroshi whispered in her ear. Then
louder,
for the audience to hear: "All right, girl. You're coming with us
whether
you want to or not."
"Hold!" someone shouted.
A second later Daikuse and Hiroshi were smacked unconscious by a
well-
placed bokken. Before Ranma could ask what was going on, she felt a
familiar *squeeze.*
"Oh, Pig-Tailed Girl, let me be your sheik!" the voice's owner
breathed into her ear.
"Gyaaaaaaah!" Ranma screamed before slamming her attacker face-
first
into the gym floor.
One student shook his head. "Looks like Upperclassman Kunou's at
it
again."
Sure enough, Ranma found herself stomping on the prostrate form of
Tatewaki Kunou--dressed as a sheik no less.
"What do I look like, a squeeze toy?" she demanded.
Kunou groaned, eating linoleum. "Forgive me, my love," he
managed,
"I sought only to save a lady in need."
"Save or molest, you pervert?" Ranma hissed, stomping him again.
"My, my, my," Tsubasa commented, twirling his parasol. "That body
really works for you, doesn't it?"
Ranma fixed her opponent with an icy glare. "Shaddup!"
Ms. Hinako spread her hands. "Audience?"
"Uh, well," someone said, "I must say I admire Saotome's form,
but--but--"
Ranma's eyes were lit coals. "But--WHAT?"
The student *eeped!* "But--I dunno. Saotome was kinda--um,
tomboyish, don't you think? In striking Kunou like that?"
Nearby Ukyou rolled her eyes. "Puh-lease."
"Yeah, I agree," several others said.
"Exactly," chirped Tsubasa.
"TOMBOYISH?" Furious, Ranma tromped over Kunou and confronted
Tsubasa, who affected a completely innocent look. "What'd you
expect--I'm a
boy!"
Tsubasa pointed at Ranma's torso. "Not right now you're not,
sweetheart."
Ranma paused, and clenched her fists. "Details, details. The
point
is--I was NOT going to let some hentai squeeze me like that and get away
with
it!"
"But you could've cried for help," Tsubasa pointed out, toying
with
his curls.
"I CAN TAKE CARE OF MYSELF!"
"Excuse me," Ms. Hinako intervened, "but the audience has spoken.
Tsubasa Kurenai wins this round as well, I suppose." She patted a
beaming
Tsubasa on the shoulder. "Nicely done . . .if the helpless route is what
you're shooting for."
<Ranma no baka,> Akane thought, taking another sip of her drink.
<It's a dumb contest, but still, he's failing miserably. But he's being a
jerk, so I really shouldn't care. I should just get up and leave.>
Then her brow furrowed.
<So why aren't I moving?>
<OK, this was fun for a while, but now it's time to get serious,>
Ranma mused, giving Tsubasa the evil eye. <I am NOT losing this fight,
and
I am NOT losing that bracelet. They want feminine?> She chuckled to
herself. <Then I'll give them feminine!>
"The next event," Ms. Hinako announced, "is--Flirting!" She
motioned
for two other young men to approach the stage. "OK, each one of you is
going to demonstrate the best way to grab a man's attention. The better
flirter wins. Hop to it!"
Tsubasa stepped forward. "I suppose I'll be going first--"
"Not so fast," Ranma intervened, pushing him back. "I'll go
first."
Turning on her heel, she oriented on the nearer of the two guys--
--and slinked toward him, her progress made even more seductive by
the
costume she wore.
The boy's glasses steamed up.
The audience murmured. Then Ranma placed her hand on his shoulder,
and in her most sultry voice said:
"Hi there, handsome."
The young man gulped, straightened up as stiff as a board, and
fainted.
Silence. Ms. Hinako stood there for a moment, speechless, while
Tsubasa stared. Sweating. A lot. Breaking his parasol in two.
Akane dropped her drink.
Ukyou clapped a hand over her mouth. "Oh my god. And it looked
so . . . authentic."
"Mavelous," Konatsu said appreciatively.
"Is Ranma . . . sure he's a boy?" a girl whispered to her friends.
*Click, click!* went Nabiki's camera.
"Oh, my Pig-Tailed Goddess," Kunou moaned, struggling to rise, but
failing.
"Um," Ms. Hinako managed, "Mr. Saotome . . . I . . . didn't think
you . . . had it . . . in you."
"Ha!" Ranma said, smirking. "You'd be surprised. So then, I
guess I
win this match, right?"
Ms. Hinako managed to wrench her gaze away. "Au--audience?"
Again silence. Then people, mainly young men, started shouting.
"That did it for me. Saotome wins!" "Such perfect form, such
grace.
Announce Saotome the winner!" "It was that costume, and the walk, and
the
voice that did me in. Give it to Saotome!"
More shouts of confirmation followed. Flabbergasted, Tsubasa
shrieked.
"Hey, but that's--but that's NOT FAIR. We only went for three
rounds,
and I won two of them." He stamped his foot angrily. "I say the
contest
keeps going. _I'm_ more feminine than that wretched Ramma Saotome will
ever
be!"
Ranma giggled, certain of victory. "Awww, poor widdle Tsubasa. If
you're so feminine, then why--" she pointed at the Tsubasa's face-- "are
you
sweating like that? Because of something a _girl_ did? Don't tell me you
were getting . . . excited."
Tsubasa's eyes widened until they completely covered his face.
"What?
N-no! Of course not." He blushed, wishing he had his parasol to hide
behind. "Absolutely not! That had no effect on me at all."
Ranma squinted at him, unconvinced. "It didn't? Then watch--
this."
With a flourish Ranma whipped out a large pair of Japanese fans.
<I don't care what it takes. I'm winning this little contest and
getting that bracelet.> Firmly resolved, Ranma struck a pose--
--and began bellydancing.
Throughout the audience males were swooning, and females were
watching, hovering somewhere between shocked and envious.
Kunou, already weak because of Ranma's handiwork, lasped into a
temporary coma he was so excited.
Somewhere Akane was wondering if she were actually seeing what she
though she was. Her mouth opened and closed like a fish gasping for air.
Tsubasa, by the way, was twitching. Noting his reaction, Ranma
danced
closer to him. By then Tsubasa's knees were buckling--
--then unable to take anymore, he fainted.
Ms. Hinako gasped. "Goodness!"
"Whoa, look at that," someone commented, indicating Tsubasa. "I
_knew_ there was something odd about that girl."
Satisfied, Ranma stopped dancing.
"Well, I take it I've won." She consigned her fans to fanspace and
walked over to Tsubasa. With a slippered foot she pushed him over and
saw
the gold bracelet glittering on the stage floor.
Like a some great conqueror Ranma snatched it up. "And this, I
believe, is mine now." She sighed, oblivious to the attention she was
still
getting. "And now it's time to get out of these clothes." Without
another
word she leapt away, using the nearest person's head to as a stepping
stone.
That person just happened to be a squire named Ryouga Hibiki.
Shocked, angry, and desiring and explanation, Ryouga rushed through
the crowd to follow. Some distance behind him was another figure, who
knew
answers had better be forthcoming.
PART III: How Do I Love Thee? Um, Let Me See . . .
Ranma ran out of the gym and along the outside, heading for the
bushes
where she'd stashed her backpack.
<Am I glad _that's_ over!> she thought, about to round the corner.
<That contest could've gone on forever. But my quick thinking not only
sped
things up but got me this bracelet.> She slowed down, gazing at it. <Of
course, the tomboy probably won't appreciate this-->
"Ran--ma," someone growled.
Before she knew it a young man dressed as a squire snatched the
bracelet from her. "What the--" she began, spinning around. When she
saw
who it was, she folded her arms and sniffed.
"Well, well. P-chan. Really, Ryouga," she scoffed, "tights just
don't suite you."
Fuming, Ryouga bared his fangs. "Ki-sa-ma! You know, you've got
some
nerve, Saotome."
"So what did I do _now_?"
"Why don't you just stop it?" Smugly Ryouga leaned against the
side
of the building, eyes glinting in the moonlight. "I was with Akane when
Konatsu came to her room--"
"Konatsu?" Ranma frowned. "When did he--"
"He came and told her Ukyou was planning to make moves on you
tonight." He gazed long and hard at his rival. "I noticed Ukyou did to
some extent, but then she backed off when your little performance with that
Tsubasa person began." He held up the bracelet. "And then Tsubasa gave
you
this. You care to explain yourself?"
"Explain what?" Ranma took a step toward him. "Look, man, I won
that
bracelet fair and square. Now give it back!"
"Why should I?" Ryouga shot back. "So you can give it to some
other
girl? Or was it Tsubasa's gift to you for that show you put on?"
"Oh, get real, idiot. Give it back!"
"No." With one quick movement Ryouga slipped the bracelet on.
"I'm
keeping this until I get some answers."
"Why you--" Ranma leaped forward. Ryouga saw her and tried to
move
out of the way, but Ranma's female form had amazing speed, and before he
knew it she'd knocked him to the ground.
"Well, Ryouga," Ranma said, brushing aside a long lock of hair as
she
straddled him, "I suppose you'll give me that bracelet now, huh?"
"No way!" Ryouga snarled, then happened to glance down. His eyes
widened to enormous proportions.
Ranma frowned. "What?"
Blushing, Ryouga squeezed his eyes shut. "Ranma," he mumbled,
"your . . . torso . . ."
"Yeah, what about it?" Ranma looked down at herself. Her bodice,
she
noticed, had stretched even more. Getting an idea, she grinned
mischieviously.
"Give that bracelet back, Ryouga," she warned, "or I'm gonna yank
your eyelids off and lean forward!" She reached for his arm. "Now give
it!"
Some distance away, Akane walked about, breathless.
<Where is he? I know he came out here somewhere. What was that he
took from Tsubasa?> Sweating, she took off her headdress. <That was
some
performance. Maybe . . . maybe he didn't come here to flirt with Ukyou
or
anybody else after all. *Sigh* Now I feel dumb. Maybe I just should've
waited for him to explain himself.>
Then she heard two voices shouting from somewhere in the bushes.
"Take it off!"
"No, I won't!"
"Off!"
"No!"
"Off!"
"N-no! You brute--get off me!"
Ranma growled. "Take it off, or I'm gonna--"
Akane blinked, following the noises. "Hey, that sounded like Ranma
and . . . Ryouga? Are they fighting again?"
She quickened her pace and rounded the corner.
Just in time to see Ranma, with her fist drawn back, on top of
Ryouga.
Akane gasped.
"RANMA?" She looked down, squinting in the moonlight. "Ryouga?"
At the sound of Akane's voice, the feuding pair froze--and turned
to
face her.
"A-Akane-san," Ryouga moaned. "Oh no . . ."
"Um," Ranma managed, taking advantage of Ryouga's inattention (he
had
fainted, actually) and wrenching the bracelet off his arm. "Um . . ."
Akane stared, then found her voice. "Ranma . . . what . . . are .
. .
you . . . DOING?"
"OK . . . um . . .Akane," Ranma stammered, realizing she was in a
very compromising position, "um, this isn't . . . what it looks like . .
."
But Akane's attention was riveted on Ranma. She took one step
forward.
"You . . . playboy . . ."
Ranma decided she'd better get off Ryouga. "Um, Akane, let me
explain. You see--" She gulped as Akane pulled her mallet out of
malletspace.
Slowly Akane kept coming forward. "You . . . you . . . you . . ."
Jealousy and old suspicions having enthralled her, Akane rushed her
fiance,
swinging the mallet.
"You--liar! Lech! Pervert! Cassanova! Bimbo! Slut! Faithless
jerk!"
Ranma leaped out of the way. "Akane, I _told_ you--I wasn't--"
*Dodge* "--wasn't trying to-- Look, I was only trying to get him to give
me
something!"
"Give you something?" With a savage swing Akane almost made
contact
with Ranma's head. "Give you WHAT? I should've--*grunt*--known
you--*another grunt*--would end up chasing someone else. Ukyou was bad
enough, but to abuse poor, innocent Ryouga like that- -"
"Are you crazy? I wasn't gonna hurt him!"
"You weren't?" Another swing. "So you were going to be gentle, is
that it?" Angry tears streamed down her face. "And I thought you . . .
and
I thought we . . ."
"Now hold on!" Ranma stopped, planting herself just out of mallet
range. "Would you just listen to me for once?"
"Why should I? Give me one good reason not to pound you to a
pulp!"
Gritting her teeth, Ranma held her ground. "You stupid girl--I
went
through all that trouble tonight for _you._"
Akane had raised her mallet again, but Ranma's words made her
pause.
She stared. "You . . . what?"
"You heard me." Grumbling, Ranma reached into her endless waves of
hair and pulled out something shiny. She tossed it at Akane. "I told
you--I accepted a challenge from that moron Tsubasa so I could win
you"--she
pointed-- "that."
"But I don't . . ." Akane caught the object, inspected it, and
gasped. In her hand she held the most beautiful bracelet she'd ever seen.
The sight of it left her speechless.
Impatient, Ranma tapped her foot. "Yeah, well, while you ogle
that,
I'm gonna go change." She wiggled, an irritated expression on her face.
"This bodice is killing me. I've gotta lay off the fried wonton." She
disappeared behind the bushes, stepping over Ryouga's unconscious form.
Moments later Otoko-Ranma emerged from the bushes with his backpack
and original costume on. He stopped in his tracks, seeing Akane on her
knees in the grass, crying.
"Yo, Akane," he called, adjusting the strap on his pack but never
taking his eyes off her, "what's-- what's wrong with you?"
She didn't answer, the bracelet still resting in the palm of her
hand.
Confused, Ranma scratched his head.
"Um, Akane, did you hear me or what?"
Suddenly Akane let out a large sigh, startling Ranma so that he
"promise posed," afraid she'd decided to resume her desire to kill him.
Instead, all she did was look up at him with those large, brown
eyes.
"Ranma," she croaked, sniffing, "you . . . you . . . you're giving
this to . . . me?"
Ranma bit his lip, then began blushing. "Well . . . yeah. I
mean . . . today--or I guess, yesterday, since it's almost 1am--was your
birthday. And you didn't have a party at home, and . . . I figured a gift
would be nice to give you . . ." He trailed off, realizing he was
babbling.
Akane merely regarded him. Wondering why she was still so silent,
Ranma met her gaze-- and drew a sharp breath.
<Kawaii,> he thought, the word springing unhindered into his mind.
<Kawaii . . . >
"Ranma, I . . ." Blushing, Akane dropped her eyes. But she soon
forced herself to look at him again. "I'm . . . sorry. I didn't
know--and
you didn't tell me--"
"I didn't wanna spoil the surprise, that's all. And well . . . you
oughta know by now what it means when I don't just come out and say it."
Absently he dug his slippered toe into the ground. "You _do_ understand,
right?"
Akane nodded, then slowly smiled.
He fidgeted. "Happy birthday, Akane."
"Thank you, Ranma."
Ranma indicated the bracelet. "So . . . are you gonna put it on?
It
_is_ a bracelet. Here." He reached forward and took it, slipping it
easily
over her hand. Holding it up, Akane admired the jewels as they glinted
in
the moonlight.
"It's beautiful," she whispered.
"Yeah," he said, but he was looking at her.
"Thanks, Ranma. It was a late birthday present, but better late
than
never, right?"
He nodded. Then he cleared his throat and jabbed a finger toward
the
gym. "Say, Akane . . . you wanna go back to the party?"
Akane thought a moment, then shook her head. "It's already been a
long night, and I've had enough excitement." She cocked an eye at him.
"This is a night I definitely won't forget."
"Really? And why's that?"
"Come on, Ranma," Akane whispered, a mischievous glint in her eye,
"What you . . . did . . ."
"Oh that." Ranma hung his head. "Kuso--I still can't believe I
did
that."
"_I_ can. You just can't stand to lose a fight, can you?"
He sniffed. "Why would I wanna put up with _that_ kind of
humiliation?"
Akane laughed. "You're impossible."
"No, I'm _dead_, that is, if Ma finds out."
"Even if she does hear about it, she probably won't even believe
you
did it, since you've already proven how 'manly' you are." She chuckled.
"But everyone at school will be talking about it for weeks. Maybe months."
Ranma groaned. "Thanks a lot. They already think I'm weird."
Akane spread her hands. "Just remind them you were a girl at the
time. It's worked before."
Her fiance considered that a moment. "Hmm--guess you're right."
"So there's no problem." Then she happened to look down at Ryouga.
"Oh! I almost forgot about him, poor guy. Ranma, pick him up so we can
take him home."
"Do we hafta?"
Akane faced him, her hands on her hips. "We can't just leave him
out
here."
Ranma grumbled, but slung Ryouga over his shoulder anyway. "OK,
but
I'm dumping this dumbass as soon as we get home."
Exasperated, his fiancee threw up her hands. "Honestly! Look at
him--he's out cold." She bent to inspect his face. "Just what did you
do
to him?"
"Nothing much," Ranma replied. <After what this idiot saw, he
should
be out until dawn.>
He motioned toward her.
"Let's go home."
"Tsubasa? Tsubasa?" Ukyou called, poking him.
Konatsu shook his head. "It's no use--he's out." He shrugged.
"It
was more than he could take, I suppose."
"You got that right." Ukyou settled back on her heels. "It's
funny.
Tsubasa usually does such a great job. For him to be undone by somebody
else . . . I guess _nobody_ beats Ran-chan at anything." Shrugging, she
stood and peered about the crowded room. "Speaking of Ran-chan, where did
he
go?"
"He-uh, she--went outside and didn't come back," Konatsu supplied
evenly. "Ms. Akane's gone, too."
Ukyou didn't like the sound of that. "Umm, I see." She gave
Tsubasa
one final poke. "Guess we'll let Sleeping Beauty here lie. He'll get up
sooner or later. C'mon, Konatsu, let's see if any other excitement is in
store for tonight."
They rejoined the party.
THE END ;) (Yeah, right.)
Author's Note: Yay, installment #3 is complete! I'm on a roll! :)
As you might have guessed, Onna-Ranma's costume was inspired by the outfit
s/he wore in "Nihao My Concubine." My evil mind just got this idea and
well,
you know the rest. *ominous laughter*
Wondering where Shampoo, Mousse, and Cologne are? Don't worry--it won't be
long before they make their grand appearance in my fanfiction universe.
Installment #4 is "Her Heart Be False," which will be available as soon as
I
write it (well, duh).
Vaya con Dios! :)
------------------------------------------------------------------------
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-- Name : Redhaze4.txt
Ranma 1/2 Fanfiction: Her Heart Be False (Installment #4)
By: Dark Phoenix (Carolyn Brickhouse)
Disclaimer: The great and powerful Takahashi Rumiko owns these
characters, but not the story idea (*evil laugh*). This is the 4th
installment in my
ongoing series, which comes right after my fanfiction "Masquerade Ball
Battle: Ranma vs. Tsubasa. As you can tell, I'm having a grand time
writing these stories
(which occur after the events of manga Vol. 38), and I hope you get as
much pleasure out of reading them as I did writing them. And now . . . on
with the story! :)
PART I: My Love Wants Another? Impossible!
"OHOHOHOHOHOHOHHHH!"
Emerging from the darkroom on the Kunou estate, Kodachi 'Black
Rose' Kunou, martial arts gymnist and psychopath extraordinaire, smugly
shuffled the photos she carried. As she made her way to the
courtyard--her
brother's favorite haunt these days--she could only think of the pleasure
she'd derive from the trouble she was about to cause.
"Won't my dear brother be surprised when he sees these," she
chuckled to herself as she glided down the hallway. Without a pause in
her step, she yelled for the Kunou family's manservant.
"Sasuke!"
"Yes, Mistress. Coming, Mistress," Sasuke, the Kunou family's
small and somewhat inept ninja, answered from above as he darted about the
ceiling. In his haste to answer the Black Rose's summons, he tripped
and came crashing down in her path.
"Ooooh," he moaned, as soft human body met cold, unyielding floor.
Kodachi halted in her tracks and hissed, "Clumsy fool! You almost
fell on me."
"Sorry, Mistress," Sasuke whimpered.
"Idiot. Remind me to poison you later today.
"Yes, Mistress."
"Fine." Her ire having subsided for a moment, the Black Rose went
back to admiring the photos. "Now about those negatives--you're certain
those are _all_ the ones you had?"
Ignoring her, Sasuke mumbled something as he picked himself off the
floor.
Kodachi speared him with a suspicious gaze. "What was that?"
"Nothing at all, Mistress," Sasuke amended, bowing submissively.
"I only meant to say yes, I have given you all the negatives of the
pictures I took at the masquerade ball."
"Um-hmm." Kodachi smiled wickedly. "I must admit, you've even done
better than that idiot Gosunkugi," she said. "The last time I ordered
him to take pictures like these, he ended up beaten to a pulp." Again she
smiled, as though it were a fond memory. "Poor fool. He let that witch
outwit him. Really, men can be so careless sometimes."
Not daring to disagree, Sasuke could only rub his sore face and
nod.
"At any rate, these will be just what I need to drive my dear
brother mad with grief. Once he hears that one of his precious little
sweethearts has been unfaithful to him . . ." She broke off, tingling
with ki, then managed to regain her composure. She gazed sharply at the
ninja. "Why is it you didn't get any of the more damning pictures,
Sasuke? These only show her little attempts at foreplay."
"Forgive me, Mistress Kodachi," mumbled Sasuke. "I tried to, but
I ran out of film. By the time I came back with more, she and the young
man were gone."
The Black Rose sniffed. "No matter. These will have to suffice.
Now," she added, gliding past him, "disappear until I need you again."
She glanced back at him with an ominous grin. "I must inform my dear
brother of this heartwrenching news." She pretended to pout. "And of
course I must be there to wallow in his unhappiness!"
Sasuke shivered as Kodachi's familiar laughter resounded throughout
the halls.
Out in the courtyard, Tatewaki 'Blue Thunder' Kunou, wannabe poet
and lecher extraordinaire, toyed with the red rose he held in his hand.
His
eyes raised to the heavens, he wallowed in memories.
<Akane Tendou, how beautiful you were at the masquerade ball. The
dress that clothed your lovely form was as stunning as the stars which
grace the
kami's heaven.> He took a deep breath, relishing the sweet scent of the
rose. <And along with you, equally lovely, was my Pig-Tailed Goddess . .
Wistfully he recalled images of the Osage-no-Onna who, dressed as a
harem maiden, had competed in some sort of contest with some other wench--
what
was her name? Oh, who cared?--and won by bellydancing. Though he'd been
weak and weary (from her smashing him into the floor for 'hugging'
her), he'd been alert enough to observe her performance. A slave of his
hormones, Kunou trembled, recalling how gracefully his Goddess had wielded
a pair of Japanese fans in tune with her body . . . .
"If only I'd had time to request she dance for me," he murmured,
cursing his bad luck. It seemed whenever he had even the slightest chance
of being alone with her, something catastrophic happened, leaving him
bereft of his Goddess' company. And then all he had left were memories of
a beauty--
--who was possessed by Ranma Saotome.
Fuming, Kunou crushed the rose in his hand. "That--that wretch!"
he yelled to the skies. "He truly _does_ have her, body and soul. He
must indeed have great power, to be able to place himself _in_ her body in
order to keep her from me!" He growled. "To make her shun me, her
dearest love! But though Saotome is powerful, I shall fight on. Somehow
I _will_ drive him from her body." He tingled with ki as his mad oath
took hold of him. "And then I shall cherish the full attentions of both
Akane Tendou AND my Pig-Tailed Venus. Bwahahahahahaaaaaa!"
As Kunou laughed maniacally, he failed to notice the quiet approach
of his sibling.
"Ahem," Kodachi began, toying idly with her long black ponytail.
"Greetings, Oniisama."
Kunou stopped cackling long enough to calm down and bow slightly to
her. "Ah, greetings, my twisted sister." Then the pain from the rose
thorns digging into his palm caught up with him.
"Gyaaaaaaaah!"
Kodachi sighed. "How careless you are, Brother." She gazed at him
through narrowed eyes. "But then you always were, especially in matters
of love."
Kunou stopped yowling and gazed sharply at her. "I, the great
Tatewaki Kunou, careless in matters of love? Surely you jest, Sister."
"Oh, but I don't." Kodachi giggled behind one hand while the other
clutched the pictures behind her back. "After all, you love Akane Tendou,
the plainest and"--she made a face--"most unladylike girl on the face of
the earth."
"How dare you, Sister?" Kunou thundered, picking the last thorn
out of his reddened hand.
"How can you say such things about such a woman as
Akane Tendou?" His eyes glazed over (as they usually did whenever he
indulged in his hormone-driven thoughts). "Such beauty and power is
nothing to scoff at." He scrutinized her. "And how can _you_ talk,
when you love that fiend Ranma Saotome, the very monster who has enslaved
my Pig-Tailed Goddess?"
At the mentioning of the Osage-no-Onna, Kodachi pretended to have
just remembered something. "And speaking of that--that--_female_ who is
also your true love"--she paused, savoring the moment--"it pains me to say
it, but I fear she has been . . . "
Kunou peered at her, interested. "Has been what? Nothing other
than perfect!"
"Perfect? That little tramp?"
Kunou's mouth opened and closed. "Sister,"
he whispered, not believing what he'd just heard, "did you call my Goddess
a . . . tramp?"
"I did!" Kodachi snarled, thrusting the stack of photos in his
face. "And this is why!"
"Eh?" Kunou grabbed the photos and looked at the top picture. His
heart almost stopped.
There she was--he could see it clearly. His Osage-no-Onna, clad in
the green harem costume that had driven him crazy in his dreams for the
past few nights, was . . . wrestling with another man.
Another man.
Kunou gulped, trembling. He felt as though someone had beaten him
with his own bokken. Meanwhile, Kodachi grinned.
"There. You see?" she purred, pointing at the photo. "Our
faithful Sasuke secured these pictures, which clearly show that your Pig-
Tailed Goddess is a Pig-Tailed Hussy!"
"No," moaned Kunou, sinking to the ground. "No . . ."
"Yes!" Kodachi eagerly flipped to the next picture, and the next.
"_Now_ do you understand why that girl is not fit to become part of the
illustrious Kunou family? Look at her! Shameless cat! And look at
_him_." She pointed out the man in the picture. "Pretending to squeeze
his eyes shut, when he's enjoying every moment." She clucked her tongue.
"The nerve!"
"But . . ." Kunou shook his head, a river of tears brimming in his
eyes. "But . . . why . . . why would she--"
"Oniisama, what else could you expect from someone like her?
Consider it." She counted on her fingers. "First of all, she has no
shame, exposing herself at the slightest provocation--"
"She is simply as bold as she is lovely," her brother argued,
regaining some of his composure.
Kodachi sniffed, annoyed with the interruption. "Second of all,
she dares stand in the way of my gaining Ranma-sama's love--"
"Ranma Saotome is nothing but a demonic cretin," Kunou spat.
"And third of all," his sister continued, biting back the urge to
scream, "this hussy of yours has dared assumed my Ranma's own name." She
stamped her foot. "That is _completely_ unacceptable!"
"My Goddess only has his name because she is enthralled by him,"
Kunou reminded her. "It is a master's custom to brand his slaves with his
own name."
"My Ranma would never enslave a woman! He's
too much of a gentleman."
Kunou clutched at his chest. "Gentleman? Bah!" He thumbed
through the pictures and frowned. "My poor Venus. Surely she is not
sporting with this man because she wishes to." He ground his teeth.
"There can only be one reason for this travesty--Saotome!"
Kodachi blinked. "Excuse me?"
"You heard, Sister." Again his eyes glazed over as Kunou family
logic (illogic?) took over. "Saotome made her do this. Did I not tell
you that he dwells within her body? That he directly forces her to do his
fiendish work?"
"Eww!" Kodachi made a face. "My Ranma in
that--hussy's _body_?"
Kunou nodded. "My Goddess managed to break his control over her
long enough to tell me from her own lips. Why he has chosen my precious
maiden for his evil . . ." He burst into tears.
But Kodachi's own twisted mind was calculating. "But . . . but
that means . . . that my Ranma was
. . in her body when she was with this other man!" She shivered. "No,
that cannot be so!"
"I would expect as much from Saotome, Sister. It is not written
that demons have no soul, no conscience? If anything, he gained a twisted
pleasure from this travesty of justice."
Kodachi shook her head stubbornly. "I still don't believe it."
"Believe what you will, Sister." He studied the photos again, more
carefully this time. He focused on the man in the picture. "Hmm.
Methinks that young man looks familiar."
"Really?" Kodachi also took a look. Her eyes widened. "Why,
Brother, is that not that wandering miscreant--oh, what's his name--"
"Ryouga Hibiki," her brother finished. "Yes, that's who he is."
He growled. "The cretin!"
"Hmm?" Kodachi seemed confused.
"Can you not see? He is in league with Saotome!"
Kodachi regarded her brother. "Are you certain? Every time I see
them together, they're always fighting."
"Ah, but that's what they want us to think!" Suddenly Kunou's
imagination was on a roll. "My Goddess would never give herself to this
Ryouga Hibiki--or any other man--willingly. No, Sister, this man is as
guilty as Saotome." His ire aroused, he unsheathed his bokken and tapped
it against his palm. "And he shall pay."
Had Kodachi been anything other than a lady, she might have
guffawed. This was so much fun. True, it hadn't worked out as well as
she'd planned--her brother seemed more angry with her Ranma-sama and this
Ryouga person than with that Pig-Tailed Hussy. Kodachi knew she wasn't as
blind as her brother: To her the Osage-no-Onna was every bit the tramp
Kodachi thought she was, and the Black Rose was certain she'd have her
revenge.
<But even if I don't,> the Black Rose figured, cackling aloud, <my
dear brother will at least have amused me for a while.>
****
Back at the Tendou Doujou Ryouga Hibiki sighed as he stepped out of
the warm bath. After spending the past week as P-chan, Akane's pet pig,
he felt relieved at being able to resume human form. Of course, he'd been
cursed so long it hardly seemed odd to have a pig's body sometimes. Oh,
he still wanted to be cured, but in the meantime, being Akane's pet at
least allowed him the chance to be close to her.
And keep an eye on her fiance.
Although Ranma wouldn't admit anything in his presence, Ryouga
suspected something was up. Lately Ranma and Akane had been, well,
strangely civil to each other. True, they still fought and argued in
front of their family, but during those rare moments when they were alone
(or rather, when neither of them knew P-chan was present) that changed.
His thoughts drifted to the previous day . . . .
***
As usual, Otoko-Ranma was chasing him (as
P-chan) around the house, furious at his rival for having slept in Akane's
bed _again._ Just as Ranma was about to corner the piglet Akane
intervened--with a well-placed fist in Ranma's face--and dragged him
upstairs by his pigtail. P-chan's curiosity got the better of him, and
the piglet trotted silently upstairs to Akane's room, where he crouched
just out of sight beside the doorway. He felt guilty, eavesdropping like
this, but something in his gut told him he needed to hear the
conversation.
Akane quietly shut the door, leaving it cracked slightly, and
planted herself in front of Ranma, who sat on her bed rubbing his face.
Curling up so as to appear asleep, P-chan placed his piggy ear against the
wall and listened.
"You didn't have to smack me so hard," Ranma grumbled, sulking.
"I wouldn't have to," Akane reminded him, hands on her hips, "if
you didn't always pick on my poor little P-chan." She let out an
exasperated sigh. "Really, Ranma, why do you hate an innocent pig?"
"It ain't an innocent pig!" her fiance fired back. Oh, how he
wished her could tell her that her pet was Ryouga's cursed form.
Akane shook her head. "There you go again--suspecting P-chan of
wrongdoing when all he is is a helpless little animal." She paused. "And
come to think of it, you treat Ryouga-kun the same way." She peered hard
at him. "You know, I think it's time you told me what the real grievance
is between you two."
Ranma froze, and P-chan withheld a gasp. Long ago Ranma had sworn
by the Warrior's Code not to reveal Ryouga's secret, but ever since P-chan
had
observed how closer together Ranma and Akane had gotten, he'd begun to
fear that maybe--maybe--Ranma would confess everything.
Making them both dead meat.
<Don't tell her,> P-chan thought, suppressing an anguished squeal.
Ranma sighed and looked away. Akane tapped her foot.
"Ranma, I'm waiting."
"Look . . . Akane," Ranma forced out, bowing his head, "this . . .
rivalry between Ryouga and me
. . it's just a guy thing. Nothing more."
"'A guy thing?'" Sitting, Akane quirked an eyebrow. "So . . . you
two fight because of some macho ritual or something?"
"Well . . . yeah." Ranma brightened a little bit, suspecting she
might be satisfied with that answer. "You know how we guys are. Ha ha.
Heh."
"Hmm." Still Akane looked unconvinced. "Maybe, but I bet there's
more to it than that." She fixed him with another glare. "So spill it."
"But--"
"Spill it!"
<Kuso,> Ranma swore. He took a deep breath. "Akane, I . . . I .
. think you should know that
. ."
P-chan shivered. <You bastard! Don't tell!>
Akane leaned forward. "Yes? Go on."
Throwing up his hands, Ranma squeezed his eyes shut. "I . . .
think Ryouga's jealous of us."
P-chan face-faulted (as best as a pig could, mind you.).
Akane blinked. "Jealous? Of . . . us?"
"Yeah. You see, Ryouga . . . he doesn't have anybody. Well, Akari
likes him. A lot. But . . ." He trailed off, not sure he should finish.
Outside P-chan groaned. <Why'd you bring that up?> The piglet
started to pound his head against the floor, then caught himself.
Her eyes widening, Akane gasped. "So you're saying he's angry
because we're . . . together?"
"Yeah," Ranma continued, irritated. "I'm in a relationship"--he
marvelled briefly, hardly believing he'd actually said that--"and he's
not, so he takes it out on me. _That's_ why I try to beat the hell
out of him." No sense in telling her that Ryouga was madly in love with
her--she'd feel even more sorry for him. "Now, you satisfied?"
Suddenly Akane looked very sad. "Oh, poor Ryouga-kun," she
murmured, and fell silent.
<Ranma, you idiot!> P-chan thought angrily. <She'll think I'm
some basket case. She'll think
. .> Then he considered. <But . . . maybe that will make her
appreciate me more.> Brightening a bit, he rose and carefully poked his
head through the
door--
--to see a grim-faced Akane holding Ranma's hands.
Ranma's hands.
He couldn't bear any more. Grunting sadly, Ryouga turned on his
hooves and shuffled away.***
Ryouga sighed.
That scene between Akane and Ranma would haunt him a long time. He
wished he could just approach Akane and confess his love. Better yet, he
wished
she would confide in him (even though it would probably be when he was P-
chan) and explain why her attitude toward Ranma had shifted so.
Unfortunately, she was out of town with her friends. And when she came
back--did he really want her to tell him something that would surely break
his heart?
As he dried off with the towel, Ryouga thought back to the
confrontation he'd had with Ranma out in the woods during that trip to the
mountains. No matter how much Ranma had denied it, Ryouga was certain
_something_ had happened in that underground cave. Why else would Ranma
risk his mother's
wrath and carry on as he did at the masquerade ball? Could it be that the
brainless, insensitive lout actually _cared_ that much for his fiancee?
And--Ryouga hated to think--had _shown_ her how much?
<It couldn't be,> he told himself as he reached for his clothes.
<And yet . . . I'm not sure. Something passes between them every time
Akane glares at him or knocks him into the stratosphere. No one else
picks it up, but I do.>
He didn't want to see Akane with Ranma, and vice versa. He loved
her too much. But what could he do except wait and see?
"Akane-san, you deserve so much better than Ranma," he muttered.
*Slap!*
Something like a damp towel produced an irritating pain on his
backside.
"Yaaah!" he yowled, dropping his clothing. "All right, who did
that?" He spun around.
Onna-Ranma stood there in the doorway, looking completely innocent,
even as she held a towel in her hands.
Furious, Ryouga growled. "You! How did you get in here?"
"Through the door, stupid," Ranma answered matter-of-factly,
laughing. "Oh, man, you should've seen your face," she added with a
kawaii grin.
Shaking a fist at his rival, Ryouga snarled. "Unfeeling lout!
Didn't Akane tell you to leave me alone while she was gone?"
Ranma snorted. "She told me to leave _P-chan_ alone, Ryouga."
Again the kawaii but mischievous grin. "And you ain't P-chan right now,
are ya, Pig-boy?"
Furious, Ryouga started toward her , then remembered that he was
unclothed, and Ranma was female. Hastily he snatched up a towel to cover
himself and threw a bandanna at her. "You brute--get outta here! Can't I
have any privacy?"
"Oh, will you just quit it, Ryouga?" Ranma rolled her eyes and
dodged the bandanna. "I just came to use the hot water." As was routine
she closed the door and started to undress.
"Aaaaaaah! Have you lost your mind?" Ryouga shrieked, backing
away. "What if someone sees us in here like this?"
Ranma regarded him out the corner of her eye. "Ryouga, you're such
a moron. I'm changing back into a guy, OK? Geez! It's okay for guys to
be together in the bathroom."
"But . . ." Ryouga's words trailed off as Ranma pulled the shirt
over her head. Always a gentleman in a girl's presence--even if that girl
_was_ Ranma--Ryouga shut his eyes and turned his head.
Seconds later Otoko-Ranma was drying himself off.
"Ah, that felt good." He tossed aside the towel and glanced over
at Ryouga. "Um, Ryouga, you can open your eyes now," he said
sarcastically. "I'm out of my cursed form."
"Are . . . are you sure?" Ryouga mumbled, cracking open one eye
ever so slightly.
A large drop of sweat appeared on Ranma's head. "Ryouga . . .
can't you tell by my voice change?!"
"Huh?" Ryouga opened both eyes. "Oh, yeah. What was I thinking?"
He laughed, embarrassed.
<Geez, what a twit.> "I swear, Ryouga, you've been acting really
weird these past few days. You don't even pick fights as much as you used
to. And I could use the exercise." He scrutinized him. "Don't tell me
the great Ryouga Hibiki is getting soft."
"Shut up!" his rival hissed, straightening his collar. "How can
you talk about being soft, when you just now came in here as a girl?"
"It just so happens," Ranma retaliated evenly, "that Pop threw a
bucket of water at me. That's why I came in here like that. And what's
it matter anyway?" Ranma snorted, slipping his shirt back on. It always
amazed him how silly Ryouga got nowadays whenever he got an unrestricted
view of his nude or partially nude female form. <As if a girl's body were
anything to flip out over. Of course, he ain't as used to seeing a girl
like I am.>
Shrugging, Ryouga shouldered his backpack. "Guess it doesn't
matter much to you anymore."
Ranma fixed him with a cold stare. "And that means--what?"
Ryouga opened his mouth. He wanted to make some snide remark about
Ranma's curse. More importantly, he wanted to say he knew something was
up between him and Akane. He wanted to accuse Ranma of corrupting Akane
to suite his own needs. And he wanted to beat the living snot out of his
rival.
Strangely enough, all he did was sigh.
"It means . . . nothing, Ranma." He turned to go.
Ranma's eyes made that squelchy noise as he blinked. "Uh, Ryouga,
wait a minute. Are you feeling OK? I half expected you to try to pound
my face
in or something." He considered. "Oh, I know what it is--P-chan's pining
for his widdle mistress."
That did it. "Ranma," Ryouga growled, bracing himself to charge.
Ranma grinned, also assuming a stance. "Ah-hah, I knew some fight
was still left in you. OK, man, make your move."
Ryouga crouched, tingling with ki.
He didn't attack.
Ranma frowned. He hated to admit it, but he didn't like this. He
and Ryouga should've destroyed half the bathroom by now.
"Yo, Ryouga . . ."
"Let's just drop it for now, Ranma," Ryouga interrupted, turning
to go. "We'll finish this another time. He clenched his fist, then let
out a frustrated howl, startling Ranma so that he 'promise posed.'
"What's happening? Nothing makes sense anymore!"
"No kidding!" Ranma choked out as Ryouga dashed out the bathroom
door (or rather--through it, since he didn't even open the door).
<Whoa, was _he_ ever in a hurry!> Ranma leaned against the wall,
thinking hard. <Pig-boy must've eaten a bad truffle. And if I'm not
mistaken, he seems . . . more depressed than usual.> Then Ranma's pigtail
stood erect. <Oh, damn, I hope he doesn't Shishi Houkoudan the place.
It's bad enough with me
being able to Haze-->
Then he froze. Was he actually concerned about Ryouga's welfare?
Imagine him, worried about Ryouga, a guy who turned into a little black
pig. A guy who coveted his fiancee even though she only thought of him as
a good friend. A guy who'd spent most of his time trying to make Ranma's
life even more of a living hell.
A guy who hadn't done that last bit recently.
"He must be holding out to get attention," the Pig-Tailed Boy
reasoned, sliding open the bathroom door. "He can't have Akane, so he
takes it out on me. Well, I ain't standing for it. Something's took the
fight out of him, and if it kills me, I'm gonna put it right back in him!
I'll make him the same irritating, battle-hardy moron he was at the
beginning." He laughed.
<Besides,> he continued mentally, <if I ain't fighting with the
tomboy, who else would I pick on?>
Somewhere along the streets of Nerima, Ryouga pounded his fist into
a concrete wall. So great was his anguish, he didn't notice the pain--or
the rather large crack he was making in the wall.
"Why is life so unfair?" he wondered aloud as he drew back his
fist for another blow. His rivalry with Ranma had spanned years, ever
since the Bread Feud at his and Ranma's old school. Of all Ranma's
adversaries, he probably had the most reasons to hate the Nyannichuan-
cursed marital artist. After all, it was Ranma who'd inadvertantly caused
Ryouga to fall under a Jusenkyou curse; it was Ranma whom Fate had engaged
to Akane, a girl he _claimed_ he didn't want; and it was Ranma who'd
bested him in several fights, sometimes using his female form to get the
upper hand.
<He never plays fair,> he thought, grinding his teeth. <Why does
he manage to get the best of me? I'm a decent guy, aren't I? Why can't
_I_ find happiness?> Again he punched the wall. <Why? I'd swear Fate's
against me.> He paused for a second, sighing. <At least Akane's getting
what she wants, even if it is that lout Ranma. Maybe . . . maybe I should
just back off, go back to Akari, and start over . . .>
He'd been telling himself that for a long time, but for some reason
he couldn't force himself to follow through. Akane, whether she realized
it or not, needed him. And as for Ranma--well, he knew he needed to keep
an eye on him, to make sure he didn't make Akane eternally unhappy.
And there was some other reason, but he couldn't quite put his
finger on it.
He huffed. "Who cares anyway?" He delivered another punch. "But
one thing's certain--when I get back I'm gonna turn back into P-chan and
bit the hell out of Ranma for the next two weeks!" His plans having
lifted his spirits for a moment, Ryouga began laughing maniacally.
As he cackled, a piece of wall gave way and smacked him on the
head.
"Houf!" he grunted as he fell to the ground. <Boy, did _that_
hurt. I must be getting soft like that jerk said.> Rubbing his head, he
picked himself up. <And I hate to admit it, but he's right. I haven't
uppercutted him into a tree in days.> He sighed. <Maybe I should-->
"Greetings, Ryouga Hibiki," an aristocratic voice growled from the
shadows.
Ryouga forgot the annoying throbbing on his head and assumed a
stance, scanning around him. "OK, whoever you are, come out so I can see
you!"
he yelled.
The voice's owner chuckled. "Very well. I shall comply, knave."
Ryouga blinked. That voice sounded familiar. "Hey," he began, as
someone stepped out of the shadows, "aren't you--"
"The very same." A determined expression on his face, Tatewaki
Kunou emerged, his bokken at the ready. "It is I, the Blue Thunder of
Furinkan High, the--"
"Yeah, yeah, I know," Ryouga interrupted, relaxing a bit.
"Listen, Kunou, I don't know why you've come, but now is not the time to
annoy me--"
"Address me as 'Upperclassman,'" Kunou snarled, taking another
step forward.
"Um . . . OK." <What a pompous ass.> "'Upperclassman' it is,
then. Now may I ask why you're waving your stick at me?"
"It is a _bokken,_" Kunou answered. "But enough small talk. You,
Ryouga Hibiki, have incurred the wrath of the great Tatewaki Kunou,
beloved of the tigress Akane Tendou and the bold and beauteous Pig-Tailed
Girl. For your transgression you must pay!" That said, he leapt forward
and sliced at Ryouga.
"Hey!" Ryouga squealed, leaping out of the way as Kunou's bokken
cut a groove in the earth. "Transgression? What're you talking about?
I've never--"
"Silence, cur!" Kunou took another swipe at his target and missed.
As Kunou brought his sword up again, Ryouga rolled onto the ground and
snatched up his bamboo umbrella, bringing it up just in time to meet
another of Kunou's attacks. Frustrated, Kunou beat at him, but Ryouga
kept blocking.
"Monster!" Kunou roared. "Do you think you can escape Heaven's
wrath?"
"What?" Ryouga, seeing an opening, tripped Kunou, allowing himself
time to spring to his feet. "Since when did you become a god?"
"Since when did you think yourself worthy enough to sport with my
Pig-Tailed Goddess?" Kunou retorted, preparing to attack Ryouga with the
Blue Thunder Strike.
Ryouga almost forgot to retaliate. "I did . . . WHAT?" he
demanded, whipping out his belt and wrapping it around Kunou.
"Ungh!" Kunou groaned as Ryouga's belt tightened around him. As
he struggled, Ryouga leapt forward and grabbed Kunou by his robe.
Kunou sullenly regarded him. "This hurts, you know."
"Never mind that!" Baring his fangs, Ryouga stared Kunou full in
the face. "Now, Kunou, what
. . in the hell . . . are you TALKING ABOUT?"
Despite his calm expression, Kunou was shaking. "Thou pig!
Villain! Do you dare feign ignorance before Tatewaki Kunou?"
Ryouga shook him, his head inflating with his rage. "Kunou no
yarou! I'm warning you--"
Kunou swallowed. "Hmm. You still feign innocence? Very well. I
shall play along. Look in the inside flap of my robe."
Never taking his eyes off him, Ryouga complied. He pulled out a
stack of photos.
"And what are these?"
Kunou closed his eyes and smirked. "Why don't you look and see
your villainy for yourself?"
*Grumble.* Releasing Kunou, Ryouga glanced at the first picture--
and began twitching.
Kunou nodded, satisfied. "_Now_ will you confess?"
"These are . . . are . . ." Sweat ran down Ryouga's brow, and his
eyes widened so far they took up ninety percent of his face. "These are .
. pictures of me," he mumbled. <And . . . Ranma.>
"Taken by my good Sasuke at the masquerade ball," Kunou finished,
eyes narrowing. "Where you saw fit to join with Saotome in exploiting my
Goddess's affections!" With renewed strength, he pushed himself from the
ground.
"Now hold on, Kunou!" In his shock and utter embarrassment Ryouga
dropped the photos. "Exploiting your Goddess's . . . affections?" he
choked.
"Yes!" Kunou thundered, melodramatic tears streaming down his
face. "Saotome forced his will on her, driving her into your embrace."
He gazed at Ryouga with contempt. "And you--you--"
"Wait a minute!" Ryouga felt as though his heart had stopped.
"You're not thinking that I--that he--she--and I--uh--" He gulped, unable
to finish his sentence.
Kunou regarded him with some measure of pity. "And you still deny
it, even with evidence before you? You are a stubborn one, Ryouga
Hibiki."
Meanwhile, Ryouga's twitching became more and more violent. "Oh my
god . . . if anyone else sees these . . . It's bad enough Akane-san was
right there . . ."
Kunou took his inattention as an insult. "Enough reminiscing! I
shall punish you!" He sprang forward once more, waving his bokken.
Recovering for the briefest of moments, Ryouga touched a point on
the ground before him.
"Bakusai Tenketsu!"
His 'blasting point hole' technique shattered the earth, flinging
dirt, rocks, and Kunou away.
Ignoring Kunou's 'promise posed' unconscious form, Ryouga fumed.
"I _knew_ Ranma's perversity would get me in trouble!" he snarled.
"And what's worse, Kunou's got pictures." He ran a nervous hand through
his thick hair. "I'll bet anything he has the negatives, and if that
unstable sister of his has been making copies
. ." He gulped, not wanting to think about the consequences.
"Ranma!" he screamed to the skies, "you've really done it this
time!"
Back at the Kunou manor Kodachi's evil laughter filled the halls.
"Oh my," she voiced aloud to no one in particular. "My poor
brother--how sad! I knew he wouldn't take it well." She smiled,
fingering the black rose that was her namesake. "By now he's probably
confronting that Ryouga person about his 'transgression.' And that idiot
wanderer will probably be somewhere whining about retrieving the
evidence of his folly." Idly she fingered the photos. "But he shall not
have them--not until he arranges another match between myself and that--
that"--she bared her teeth--"little tramp of his."
Anticipating revenge of the most glorious proportions, Kodachi
planned.
Back at the Tendou residence, Ryouga and Ranma were having a little
discussion.
"Kunou thinks we did WHAT?"
Otoko-Ranma brought up a fist to block Ryouga's punch, not
believing what he'd just heard.
"Yakamashii!! I don't even want to think about it!" With a
frustrated roar, Ryouga lunged again, piling on the blows. "You jerk!
This is--*grunt*--all your fault."
"_My_ fault?" Ranma repeated, finding an opening and flipping him
over. "How the hell is it my fault?"
Ryouga picked himself off the ground, panting. "Cut the innocent
act, Saotome. If you hadn't attacked me that night, none of this would've
happened."
"Aw, come off it, 'P-chan,'" Ranma sneered, also panting. "If
you'd just minded your business, I wouldn't've had to fight you!"
"What else was I supposed to do, after seeing you prance about like
you did in front of the whole school?"
Ranma rolled his eyes. "I was trying to get Akane a birthday
present!"
"So you said." Ryouga whipped out his bamboo umbrella and threw it
at him. "Whoa!" Ranma yelped as he dodged the sharpened end.
<Well, looks like I got the fight back in him, and I didn't do nothing
directly. Just as well. His moping about has been really pissing me
off.>
"Uh, Ryouga, can't we talk about this? I mean, it's great you've
turned back into a raving maniac, but--"
"Shut UP!" Ryouga roared. <What does he think this is--a joke?!>
"I've had it, Saotome. I'm going to finish you if it's the last thing I
do!"
Firmly resolved, Ryouga whipped out his rod-like belt, intending to
wrap it around his rival and bring him down. Ranma cursed.
<I don't believe it--I've seriously ticked the Pig-boy off. And he
was bad enough before! I'd better calm him down, or I'll never get a word
in.>
Also resolved, Ranma used a Saotome Final Attack--Ready, Set,
Runaway.
In other words, he turned and ran.
Ryouga calmed down long enough to look dumbfounded for the next few
moments. "Wha--" He dropped his belt. "What's that coward up to now?"
A moment of hesitation was all Ranma needed.
*Splash!*
Now P-chan stood where Ryouga had. Before he could turn around,
Ranma had grabbed him up by the bandanna around his neck and brought him
to eye
level.
"There," Ranma said, holding the little black pig just out of
range of his face. "Now will you listen to me?"
"Kweee, kweee, oink, kweee!" said P-chan, struggling violently in
his grasp and cursing in piggy language.
"Yeah, whatever." Ranma replied, not having the slightest idea
what Ryouga had just said. "Look, man, if anything you got yourself in
this mess. All you ever do is interfere with me and the tomboy. Would
you just for once back off?"
P-chan shook a hoof at him.
"There's no need to flip me off, Ryouga," Ranma groused, thumping
the piglet's snout. "I mean, why're you so worked up anyway? Kunou's an
idiot--everybody knows that. Why don't you just ignore him? Or better
yet, just go find him and beat him up?"
"Kweee, kweee, oink!" spat P-chan.
Ranma sighed. "You know, this one-sided conversation just ain't
working." He thought for a moment. "OK, I'll make you a deal. If I
change you back, will you listen to me?"
P-chan glowered at him. After a moment of tense silence, the
piglet hung his head and grunted.
"Guess that meant yes," Ranma grumbled, and headed into the house.
Ryouga sat in the bathtub, calmer now (especially since Ranma was
holding a cold shower spout over his head).
"So what're you going to do about this, Ranma?" Ryouga muttered,
giving his rival the evil eye.
"What am I supposed to do?" Ranma countered. "Why don't _you_ do
something about it, huh?"
Ryouga hunched his shoulders. "If that sister of his has spread
copies around . . . my reputation's ruined. I'm surprised Akane still
speaks to me."
"I'm not. That tomboy's a forgiving soul. Violent and
kawaiikune, but a forgiving soul."
Ryouga raised his fist. "Stop calling her that!"
"What? A forgiving soul?"
"Arrgh! You know what I meant, you brainless lout!"
"Careful, Pig-boy, or you'll end up part of a Western breakfast,"
Ranma threatened, brandishing the shower head. "Why're you worrying about
the tomboy anyway, man? She blamed _me_ for what happened, not you."
"Good!" Ryouga shot back. "Because it was
all--"
"My fault. Yeah, yeah, you said that already." Ranma finished,
bored. "But really, P-chan, I _should_ just let you suffer. Now me--I
couldn't care less."
"So you're not worried about what people think of you?"
"After what I did at that stupid costume party? Get real, man.
What's important is that I won the fight."
Ryouga sighed. "Well, maybe _you_ have nothing to lose, but as for
me . . ." He pounded his fist into the bottom of the tub, splashing some
of the warm water. "I have enough on my mind without having to deal with
Kunou."
"Oh, don't tell me you're scared of Kunou, Ryouga."
"I'm not!"
Unconvinced, Ranma leaned against the wall. "Then--what's your
problem?"
"How can you ask that?" Ryouga rested his chin in one hand. "I
told you--Kunou has photos."
"And we were just fighting in them. Big deal."
"That's not the point." The eternal Lost Boy groaned, exasperated.
"To anyone else--to anyone who didn't know what was really going on . . ."
He gave Ranma a sharp look.
Ranma's brow furrowed, then he reddened. "Oh
. . yeah. I see what you mean."
Ryouga beat his head against the side of the tub. <Damn. How can
he be taking this so lightly?> "Of all the Jusenkyou curses, why the
Nyannichuan?" he mumbled.
Ranma heard the mumbling and frowned. "What was that?"
Ryouga's head paused in mid-slam. < . . .>
His rival quirked an eyebrow. "Uh, Ryouga--"
His enemy-friend clenched his fist, breathing as though he were
about to scream.
Ranma jerked. "Wha-what'd I say?"
Managing to keep his frustration in check, Ryouga shrugged. "Never
mind. It doesn't matter."
He looked away. "Just leave me alone."
Grinding his teeth, Ranma tossed aside the shower head. "Fine
then." He headed for the door. "You can sit and sulk all you want. I
got things to do. See ya, Pig-boy," he sneered as he left.
<Insensitive swine.> Ryouga's dark look followed Ranma's departing
form. <So what if it doesn't matter to him anymore what people think? It
matters to me. I don't want everyone thinking something happened when it
didn't! And does he plan to do something about this? No! He'll think of
Akane-san's feelings, but not mine.> He let out a frustrated sigh.
<Akane, what do you see in him?>
As he mused, he imagined a little Akuma-Ryouga sitting on his
shoulder,hissing in his ear.
<<Ranma's to blame for all your problems, Ryouga,>> the creature
chuckled, glowing and caressing a pitchfork.
"No kidding," muttered Ryouga aloud.
Akuma-Ryouga: <<So why don't you go after him? Kick him around a
bit? Show him the folly of toying with Ryouga Hibiki?>> Gleefully it
poked him with its imaginary pitchfork.
"Yeah, why don't I?" Engrossed in the imaginary conversation,
Ryouga seethed, the bathtub water seeming to boil in time with his fury.
"Why don't I?"
<<Yeah, why?>> Akuma-Ryouga slavered with anticipation.
"Because I"--suddenly Ryouga dropped his head-- "know it won't do
any good."
The Akuma-Ryouga face-faulted and vanished with a *poof.*
Disgruntled, all Ryouga could do was continue sulking.
Sometime later Kodachi Kunou found her brother Tatewaki face-down
on the ground before a damaged concrete wall.
"Oniisama? Brother dear?" she called, using a dainty foot to flip
him over.
Her abrupt gesture caused Kunou to come to.
"Ohhh," he moaning, sitting up. "That coward--how dare he smite
_me_ and then flee?" He massaged his head.
Kodachi rolled her eyes and fingered the baton she carried around.
"Let me guess--you challenged the wandering miscreant and let him defeat
you." She made a tsk-tsk noise and half-smiled. "Really, Brother dear,
why don't you just let Ryouga Hibiki have that Pig-Tailed Hussy and be
done with it? You don't need her."
"You don't understand, Sister," Kunou countered, regaining enough
strength to rise. "I _do_ need her. How could I possibly forsake my bold
Goddess? Without the love of both Akane Tendou AND my Venus I cannot feel
whole!"
Kodachi groaned. Why couldn't he see that his pursuit of the
osage-no-onna would ruin him? "Wise up, Brother dear. That hussy has
chosen another for her games--"
"No, you're wrong!" Kunou's outburst started the Black Rose so
that she nearly dropped her baton. "She is an innocent pawn. And I swear
from this day forward that I shall not rest until Ryouga Hibiki pays for
what he has done!"
As Kunou's battle aura flared up, he cackled.
As her brother reveled in his mad thoughts, Kodachi shrugged and
contemplated her next move.
PART II: Please Me, but Don't Tease Me
"Come back here and fight me, you coward!" Ryouga demanded,
casting aside the water hose he'd used to spray his rival.
Onna-Ranma stuck out her tongue at him. "You gotta catch me
first, Pig-boy!" she taunted, darting aside as he lunged at her.
Sitting nearby, Kasumi Tendou glanced up from the book on medicinal
herbs she'd borrowed from Toufuu-sensei and chuckled. It seemed with
Akane and
most of the household temporarily absent, these fights had become more and
more prevalent. Especially since Ryouga had managed _not_ to get lost so
much recently.
"Miracles can happen," Kasumi had said in her usual cheerful
manner. At first she'd worried about the mess the two would make, but
then she'd reconsidered. With Akane away for a while the two were
probably under a lot of stress and needed some means for release.
*Crash!* went one of the carp pond's rocks as it slammed into the
roof.
"Oh dear," Kasumi murmured, frowning slightly. "Poor Otousan. He
won't want to see _that_ when he gets home."
Meanwhile, Ryouga was on the roof, chasing after Ranma with another
rock.
"Glutton!" he roared, heaving it at her. "You _knew_ Kasumi had
saved that last bit of sakura mochi for me. Yet you still ate it!"
Amused, Ranma bounded over his head to the nearest roof. "It
didn't have your name on it, and I was hungry. I'm a growing boy, you
know!"
Again Ryouga lunged at her. "Oh yeah? With the way you keep
pigging out, you'll probably lose your girlish figure!" he sneered in
mid-air.
Ranma landed on the roof and assumed a stance as her rival landed a
few feet away from her. "Hah! At least I got a _human_ figure to worry
about. Nyaah, nyaah!"
"Arrgh!" Ryouga snarled, his fury--and Ranma's momentary
inattention as she teased him--giving him the chance to knock her down.
"Uf!" Ranma grunted as she lost her footing and, after flailing
about for a few seconds, dropped over the side.
Satisfied, a panting Ryouga adjusted his bandanna and smirked.
"That should teach you." He leaned over the side of the roof--
--to see Ranma still hanging on.
Ryouga 'promise posed.' "B-b-but I just--how did you--you should
be as flat as wonton pastry!" he shrieked.
Gripping the side of the roof, Ranma favored him with one of her
teary-eyed, kawaii looks.
"Ryouga, how could you?" she mumbled dramatically. "Slamming me
like that. I'm a woman!"
Ryouga paused. "What? Oh, don't be stupid, Ranma!" He waved her
protestations aside, but for some reason he felt uneasy. True, Ranma was
a guy, but . . . well, he'd done some pretty convincing things in the
past. And he _was_ the only one who could possibly know what he was at
any given time--
But Ryouga's stubborness regained control. "Hah! Just get up from
there and stop whining," he snapped.
But all Ranma did was stare at him with those huge blue eyes. "I
can't! The arms on this girl body just aren't strong enough."
Ryouga groaned. The gentleman in him wanted to help her, but this-
-this_girl_--was Ranma. Stubbornly he shook his head. "Not this time,
Ranma. I'm wise to your little tricks. Now be a man and pull yourself
up." He turned his back to her and waited. <There,> he thought
gleefully. <I guess I showed him.>
Below, Ranma sighed. <OK, now you asked for it.> "Oh, OK, but . .
could you do one little thing first?"
Ryouga yawned. "Like what?"
"Well . . . could you turn around for a sec?"
<Now that's a dumb request.> "What for?" Annoyed, he turned
around to look back down at her.
Instead he saw her cleavage staring back up at him.
Naturally Ryouga made a lot of incomprehensible noises. Before he
could shut his eyes, Ranma grabbed him by his leg and flipped him over the
side.
As she watched Ryouga sail toward the carp pond, Ranma smirked and
shook her head. "Falls for it every time."
And as Ryouga prepared to become one with the cold water, pleasant
images of revenge danced in his head.
<Kunou can wait for the time being,> Ryouga, or rather P-chan,
mused as he struggled out of the water.
Somewhere under the floor of the house Sasuke adjusted his tape
recorder, listening intently as Onna-Ranma ran about, a severely pissed
black piglet chomping her ankle.
"Oww! Stop it, you swine!" she yelled, pausing long enough to
shake her leg. Unfortunately P-chan wouldn't let go. She screamed in
frustration.
"Stupid swine--you got what you deserved! And you're making too
big a deal out of it. And come to think of it, how--*grunt*--are you
gonna--*another grunt*--become a father someday if you can't stand the
sight of a girl's body? You're hopeless, you know that?"
Sasuke blinked, astounded. Did he hear what he thought he did?
Eagerly he tried to listen for more, but the osage-no-onna had already
left, cursing all the way.
Hoping he'd gotten enough evidence, Sasuke grabbed his tape
recorder.
"I must report this to Master Kunou!" He jumped up--
--and slammed his head against the floor.
Once he came to, he _then_ decided to report to his master.
"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!"
Kunou's screams resonated throughout the halls (and possibly
throughout the whole of Japan) after Sasuke played the tape for him.
Nearby Kodachi curled her lip in disgust. "Vile. Simply vile.
She certainly doesn't waste any time, does she?"
From the floor Kunou moaned in agony. Slowly he raised his head.
"I can no longer sit by and let this perversity continue. I must
act!"
"So must I," Kodachi murmured to herself.
<He did it to me again!> Ryouga mentally groused, standing at the
main entrance to the Doujou. <And what's worse, he _laughed_ about it!>
He ground his teeth. <It's all a game to him . . . . >
He sighed. At least Ranma had gotten his. The bruises on that
ankle, while not serious, would irritate Ranma for while. <Hah! If I
can't kill him, I can at least get on his nerves.>
Who could have known something as little as that could be so
satisfying?
As he learned against the wall, he failed to notice the black rose
petals beginning to fall about.
Then he heard it.
"OHOHOHOHOHOHHHH!"
Ryouga must have jumped at least ten feet he was so startled, and
as he hugged the wall he glanced up to see leotard-clad young woman eyeing
him like a jungle cat coming in for the kill.
"Kodachi?" he managed as a black rose floated down in front of his
face.
"The very same," she answered, waving. "I do hope I haven't
startled you."
Ryouga noticed he was hugging the wall and hastily climbed down.
Trying to regain his dignity, he asked casually, "So, Kodachi Kunou. What
brings
you here?"
Again Kodachi laughed, and shivers ran up and down Ryouga's spine.
"I have something you want." With a flourish she whipped out something
and dangled it in front of him.
Ryouga gasped. "The negatives!"
"Oh yes, my dear Ryouga Hibiki," the Black Rose continued, patting
them. "Because of these, my poor brother is determined to kill you." She
made a tsk-tsk noise and regarded him with a mixture of pity and
contempt. "Really, young man, you have such a strange taste in women.
Normally I wouldn't care, but since I have a grudge against her--"
Ryouga seriously wanted to scream. "Chotto, mate, Kodachi!
Backup." He stared at her. "Your brother wants to . . . kill me?"
"For your transgression, yes." She sighed. "As far as I'm
concerned,though, you can have her--"
Ryouga took a deep breath. "But we didn't do ANYTHING!"
Kodachi snorted. "Yes, I'm sure you didn't. Besides, that's not
what people will think when they see the pictures made from these."
Her victim's eyes narrowed. "You want something from me, don't
you?"
"Naturally. I just came to tell you that if you want these"--again
she dangled the negatives--you'll have to arrange a meeting between me and
your . . . woman."
"Nanda to?"
"You heard." Kodachi sniffed. "I plan to finish her once and for
all, so I'm afraid you'll have to find someone else for your little
games." She flicked aside her long ponytail. "Now--do we have a deal?"
Ryouga felt completely at a loss. He knew quite well the hatred
Kodachi had for Onna-Ranma, but well, why should he care? Ranma hadn't
exactly been considerate towards him lately.
Turning on his heel, Ryouga shrugged. "Sorry, Kodachi, but if you
want to fight that--that heartless . . .um, girl--you'll have to see
Ranma."
Kodachi frowned. "Oh, no you don't! You're not dragging my Ranma-
sama into this mess!" Violently she stamped her foot. "I've neglected my
revenge for far too long. It's time I made her pay for defeating me--the
illustrious Black Rose--in that martial gymnastics
tournament." She glared at him. "And if you don't aid me, I'll spread
these pictures around. So there!"
That got Ryouga's attention. He *eeped*, imagining how embarrassed
he would be. He started sweating.
"You . . . wouldn't"
"I would!" Satisfied that she'd pushed the right button, Kodachi
dropped down to the ground to stand beside him. "_Now_ will you
cooperate?"
<How the hell do you get me into these messes, Saotome?> Ryouga
wondered miserably.
"So why're you still coming to me with this?" Otoko-Ranma asked as
Ryouga collared him.
Breathing hard in his enraged state, Ryouga bared his fangs. "You
KNOW why!"
"Yeah, yeah, let's not start that again. Let go before I break
your face!"
"You just try it," Ryouga countered, glaring. "It's time you
made up for all the hell you've put me through!"
Ranma blinked. "Huh?"
"Don't you get it? I'm tired of you ruining my life!"
"Ruining your life?"
"Aaaaaah!"
"Hey!" Ranma jerked out of his grasp and smacked him on the head.
"Stop yelling in my face."
"Why shouldn't I? Ever since we were kids . . . you . . . you . .
He sought the words, but couldn't voice them he was so frustrated.
"I what?" Suddenly Ranma looked even more confused and very
annoyed. "You know, you're making about as much sense as a human as you
do as a
pig." He shifted his weight to his other leg. "I knew it--you _have_
been eating bad truffles. That's the only reason you're acting so weird.
What is your problem?"
Ryouga grabbed his hair as though he wanted to yank it out. "I
don't know!"
Ranma's irises shrank. "Then why're you wasting my time?"
"Blow this off if you want, but I'd still like to know how you're
getting me out of this mess with Kunou and Kodachi."
He set his jaw, more sullen than depressed. Ranma seriously wanted
to beat some sense into his rival. This was so dumb. Ryouga was taking
this far
more seriously than he should. Why couldn't he just go find Kunou, take
that bamboo umbrella, and beat the hell of him? Wasn't that simple? And
Kodachi--she could be dealt with, too. Of course, to do that, one would
have to get near her--
<And living in the same country with her is scary enough,> Ranma
mused, shivering. He glanced back at Ryouga.
"You really think those photos are gonna ruin you for life?"
"Well, maybe not for life," Ryouga shot back. "But they're pretty
damn embarrassing! I can't believe you. Have you _no_ shame?" he
shrieked.
"But--hey!" Ranma sputtered. "You started it! I can't help it
you get those dumb nosebleeds."
"Oh sure, poke fun at me. Go right ahead." Angrily he jabbed
Ranma's nose. "How _I_ feel means nothing to you, Ranma! It never did.
And now, because of you, I've got that deranged Kunou lusting after my
head, and his even weirder sister planning my downfall. Thanks a lot!"
"Uh-huh." Ranma wracked his brain. He regarded the sullen Ryouga
for a moment, then sighed.
<Man, I'm probably gonna hate myself for this.> "Ryouga?"
"What?"
Relunctantly Ranma leaned forward. "OK . . . here's the deal . . .
------------------------------------------------------------------------
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-- Listar MIME Decryption --------------
-- Name : Redhaze5.txt
Ranma 1/2 Fanfiction: "Cologne: The Immortal Beloved (Installment
#5)
By: Dark Phoenix (Carolyn Brickhouse)
Disclaimer: Takahashi Rumiko-sama gave anime lovers
everywhere these wonderful characters, whom I
have quite evilly decided to use in my fanfiction (*hee,
hee*). This story comes after my latest fanfiction "Her
Heart Be False." As may you know by now, all of my stories
occur after the events of manga Vol. 38. And awaaaaaay
we go! ;)
PART I: Morning Becalms Cologne-chan
In the Nekohanten Chinese Amazon Shampoo
watched as her ancient great-grandmother Cologne stirred a
kettle.
The purplish-blue haired maiden stared at the bubbling
pot and wrinkled her nose. "Ugh, it smells awful, Hibaa-chan,"
she commented in Mandarin in her typically high-pitched voice.
The ancient Amazon scowled at her great-grandchild.
"It doesn't matter how it smells, child," she snapped,
hopping about on the long staff she usually carried.
"Just pray this concoction works." She pointed to a
nearby shelf. "Now hand me that bag with the last of the
ingredients we gathered while we were out of town."
Shrugging, Shampoo complied, picking up a silk sack.
Curious, she peered into the bag and discovered that it was
full of beautiful reddish-gold feathers.
"Ah!" the young Amazon exclaimed, her kawaii face
lighting up. "These are so beautiful! Where did you get
these?"
The old woman chuckled. "Oh, it's just something I
came across. You'd be surprised what you can find in the
wilderness of Japan." Taking the feathers from Shampoo,
Cologne carressed them, smiling.
"What bird did they come from?"
Cologne gazed sharply at her granddaughter. "Why,
from a fushichou, of course. Where else?"
"A phoenix?" Shampoo gasped. "You found a real
live phoenix while we were out?"
"Well--not exactly, child. These feathers are
ancient. Long ago the ancestress of our tribe found such
feathers and hid them throughout Asia, and our tribal
elders have passed the secrets of their whereabouts to a
chosen few through countless generations."
Shampoo squinted. "And _you_ were one of those
chosen?"
"Naturally."
Shampoo pouted. "But--why didn't you ever tell _me_
about them?"
"Because _you_ don't need to use them. Besides,"
Cologne continued, patting her granddaughter's arm, "you
may be a formidable warrior, but there are still some
things best left to the elder and more experienced."
The young Amazon sighed. "Whatever you say, Hibaa-chan."
"Now, don't worry, Shampoo. These feathers will benefit
our tribe greatly," the old woman promised, dipping them into
the boiling pot. <They must.>
"Shampoo, what must I do to get you to go out with me?"
Mousse, a young Chinese man with long black hair and coke-
bottle-lensed glasses, whined.
<Why doesn't he take a hint?> Shampoo thought,
huffing. "Mousse, how many times must I tell you--unless you
defeat me in battle, you have no chance with me. Besides,"
she purred, smiling to herself, "I have my sights on Ranma.
I need a strong man, not an obnoxious one like you!"
"Ranma, Ranma, Ranma!" Mousse spat, raising his
glasses to rest on top of his head and folding his
arms. "That cassanova doesn't deserve someone like you,
Shampoo! He's already got a fiancee--"
"--and doesn't want her!" Shampoo tossed aside her
long hair, annoyed. Didn't Mousse remember what happened at
Ranma and Akane's wedding? It was a disaster. And didn't
everyone know Ranma was just playing hard to get?
"Give up, Mousse. You know the laws of the
Joketsuzoku."
"But they're not fair!" Exasperated, Mousse flung
himself at Shampoo. "Don't you understand how much _I_ love
you?" He sobbed. "Why are you so cold and unyielding?"
Shampoo's irises shrunk to pinpoints. "Because that's
not me you're holding--that's the freezer!"
"Huh?" Mousse put his glasses back on and squinted.
He blushed.
"Ooops."
"Aaah!" Shampoo shrieked. <And he wonders why I get
so mad at him!> "I'm going outside for a breath of fresh
air," she grumbled, walking past him. "Keep holding
the freezer if you want." She stomped out.
Mousse sulked. "Oh sure, keep casting me aside. But
remember this--the freezer doesn't look as good as you do!"
"Oh, I'm _sure_ you can see to tell," Shampoo mumbled
as she opened the the front door and stepped out onto the
street. It was late afternoon. Usually the Nekohanten
would be teeming with customers, but Shampoo and
Cologne had just recently returned to Nerima, so the shop
hadn't officially reopened just yet. Cologne had insisted
they go, and not daring to go against an elder's wishes,
Shampoo had obeyed, trusting completely in her great-
grandmother's wisdom.
Still though, Shampoo had secretly wished they could
journey back to their village in China.
<It's been a long time since we first came to Japan,>
she mused, leaning against the wall. <And in all this time I
still haven't gotten Ranma to marry me. Such a stubborn
man!> Then memories of her days in the village suddenly came
back to her, and she felt homesick. <I really miss the
village, the mountains where we lived--they were so peaceful
and beautiful. I haven't been back to China since that
ordeal with Saffron. Hmm. I wonder what Lin-Lin, Ran-Ran,
Ni Hai, Paa Fuum, and the others are up to . . . .>
Her thoughts were suddenly interrupted when she spied a
familiar approaching form. Her eyes lit up.
"Oh, could that be my Airen?" she wondered aloud.
Sure enough Ranma Saotome was walking up the street,
Akane Tendou following close behind.
"How do you expect to graduate if you don't pay more
attention in class, Ranma?" Akane was saying.
Otoko-Ranma grumbled. "Hey, it's kinda hard to
concentrate when you got half the student body asking you
out, you know!"
"Oh god! Because of what you did at the masquerade
ball?"
"Yeah! They're convinced only a _pure_ girl would've
done what I did," Ranma continued sullenly. "And those two
guys--Hiroshi and Daikuse--won't take no for an answer."
He growled in frustration. "I mean, why can't they under-
stand I'm not interested in--"
"Airen!" a high-pitched voice squealed.
Ranma stopped in his tracks, eyes widening as a
woman with long purplish-blue hair knocked him down.
"Shampoo!" Akane and Ranma exclaimed in union.
"Oh, Airen," the Chinese girl continued, kissing Ranma
all over as her speech converted from fluent Chinese to not-
quite-as-fluent-but-getting-there Japanese, "you came this
way all for me! I so happy!"
"Sham . . . poo," Ranma managed, squirming. "Get off me!"
"Aaaaah!" Akane screamed, doing the blue-aura thing.
"Get off my fiance, you bimbo!"
Shampoo stopped kissing Ranma long enough to give
Akane a dirty look. "'Fiance' only in name, silly weak girl. If
you really liked Ranma, you not beat on him like deranged
hammer on nail!"
Akane growled. "Why you--"
"Whoa, whoa, girls, if you're gonna catfight, leave me
outta it," Ranma grumbled, taking advantage of Shampoo's
inattention and sliding out from under her.
Shampoo pouted. "But Airen--"
"And don't call me that. I ain't your 'beloved,'"
Ranma continued, brushing himself off. "I ain't marrying
you, or have you forgot that?"
"Oh, Airen, you so silly." Shampoo cooed, poking him.
"Look who's talking," Akane muttered.
Shampoo stuck out her tongue at Akane.
"You may be stronger than me, but I'll fight you any
time, Shampoo," Akane warned.
"Uh, Akane, this ain't the time to get macho," the
Pig-Tailed Boy intervened, pushing her back from the sneering
Amazon. "Look, Shampoo, whaddaya want?"
"Just wanted to see my Airen is all," the Amazon
answered, wearing her most kawaii smile."I just return to town
with Great-grandmother and miss you so much!" She slinked
up to Ranma like the half-cat she was and clutched his arm.
"Where you off to now? Nekohanten isn't open yet, but I
can make exception for you, Husband. You hungry?"
"No, he isn't," Akane snapped. <Why doesn't this
girl ever quit?> "We're going home now. If you want a man,
go after Mousse!" She grabbed her fiance's arm.
"Is Ranma's destiny to marry into Joketsuzoku
tribe!" exclaimed Shampoo stubbornly. "It is our law!"
"Who cares about your stupid, outdated law?"
Akane shouted.
"Uh, girls," Ranma said.
Shampoo fumed, furious that this outsider female
dared speak against an ancient, revered tribal law.
She took a step forward, then paused, smiling craftily.
"Is no matter if _you_ not care," Shampoo spat,
staring Akane full in the face. "Great-grandmother will
make sure _I_ get Ranma. So there!"
"Oh, so Cologne no obasan's at it again, is she?
Forget it. Ranma's mine!"
"No--mine!"
"Would you two stop making me feel like a piece
of meat?" Ranma shrieked, grabbing Akane's arm. "Yo,
Shampoo, I'd really like to stay and chat and everything, but
the tomboy and me gotta go." He practically dragged the
fuming Akane away. "See ya!"
"But Ranma--" Shampoo watched as the two hurried
away. Frowning, Shampoo huffed.
<Whatever Great-grandmother is plotting, she'd better
hurry.> *Sigh*
Inside the Nekohanten Cologne nodded. Now that the
boiling was complete, all she needed to do was pour the
contents into the bath. She glanced down at the unconscious
Mousse, whom she'd thwacked on the head for calling her a
"dried-up old monkey" for the umpteenth time.
"You'll carry it in for me once you awaken," she
murmured to his "promised posed" form. "And once I carry out
this plan, the Joketsuzoku will have another strong man to
father Amazons!"
She crossed her gnarled fingers. <Please, let this
work . . . .>
"Pour this into the tub, Mousse," Cologne ordered.
Grunting and mumbling, Mousse poured the honey-
colored liquid into the bath. "I still don't see what good this
stuff is gonna do you, old monkey."
Cologne rapped him on the head with her staff, making
him drop the kettle.
"How many times must you call me that?" she demanded.
"I swear, youngsters." She tested the water with her finger.
Mousse, pulling an ice pack out of his sleeve, pouted.
"Maybe I wouldn't be so cranky, if you would just let _me_
marry Shampoo instead of Ranma. I mean, why's _he_ got to be
the one to get her, huh? Girls just keep throwing themselves
at him, and he just ignores them. Plus, he's a hentai, and--"
*Splash!*
Standing in Mousse's place was the soaking wet form of
Muu Muu-chan, the duck.
"Quack, quack!" Muu Muu-chan fussed.
"Well, at least I don't have to listen to you talk,"
Cologne said. She shook her finger at him. "You shouldn't
interfere in Amazon business. Now, waddle along, Muu Muu-
chan. You can't be in here while a lady is bathing. Shoo!"
With her staff she prodded the duck through the door,
Muu Muu-chan cursing in duck language all the way.
<And now,> Cologne thought, walking toward the
bath, <we'll see if this works.>
"Breakfast is ready!" Kasumi Tendou called, placing
the last dish on the table.
As she expected, the cast came running. Genma,
in human form, reached the table first, drooling over its contents,
while the others managed to conduct themselves with dignity
and settle down.
"Oh, everything looks so lovely," commented Nodoka
Saotome, setting down her wrapped katana.
"Of course, it does. Kasumi's a wonderful cook,"
Souun said, smiling.
They all began to eat, Ranma and Akane taking great
pains to sit as far away from each other as possible. No one
seemed to notice until Nodoka set down her chopsticks and
frowned.
"Son, Daughter-in-law," she said, "what's wrong? You
two haven't said much this morning."
As if on cue everyone turned to regard the seemingly
reluctant couple. Akane affected disinterest and continued
eating. Ranma yawned.
"Ma, what's there to say?"
"What's there to say?" Nodoka gasped. "Why, Son,
don't you have any plans for today? I know! Why don't
you take Akane out? You two don't go out as much as a
young couple should."
Ranma fell over into his bowl of rice while Akane
started twitching.
"Ma!" he groaned, struggling to rise. "How can you
say that? Why would I wanna go out with that kawaiikune
tomboy?"
"That's 'kawaiikunai,'" Nodoka corrected.
"Whatever! I ain't going nowhere with her. I got a
rep to live up to."
"Do tell," Nabiki murmured, snickering.
"Now, Son," his mother continued, ignoring (or just
oblivious to) Nabiki's comment, "you know that's not proper
behavior for a young man towards his intended." She glanced
sharply at Genma, who sat beside her, sweating. "As I recall
it was _your_ job to instill in our son a sense of husbandly
duties, was it not, Genma?" she asked sweetly.
"Uh," Genma began. Then he burst into tears. "Oh,
Nodoka, you know I've done all I could with that heartless
boy!"
"Shaddup, kuso oyaji," Ranma growled.
"See how mean he is?" Genma continued, kowtowing
at Nodoka's side. "He never listens to a thing I say. My
fatherly wisdom is nothing to him!"
<I could throw up,> Akane thought, rolling her eyes.
"Oh, please, please, please, don't make me commit
seppuku!" begged Genma, gazing at his wife with huge,
tear-filled eyes.
*Whap!*
Everyone gasped as Nodoka took the flat end of her
katana and smacked her husband on the head.
"Whining is highly unmanly, Genma," she replied
calmly, taking a lady-like sip of her drink.
"Owwww," he mumbled from the floor.
"Oh my," Kasumi gasped.
"Wow," Nabiki added, impressed.
Oblivious to the others, her expression never changing
from its usual calmness, Nodoka smiled.
"It's all right, Genma. Your life is spared."
Relieved, Genma sighed.
"As long as Ranma agrees to take Akane out," she
finished with a kawaii grin.
Everyone froze, gazes riveted on Ranma.
"What? Why're you all staring at me?" he demanded.
Akane cleared her throat. "Obasama, no offense,
but I'd rather not go anywhere with"--she made a face--
"him."
"Nonsense, my dear," her future mother-in-law said
stubbornly. "My, you two are so difficult! It's time I put
my foot down." She whipped out her katana. "I'll make
reservations for you two at the Feng Shui Restaurant for
tonight at 8 p.m." Again she grinned. "It's a lovely place,
and the food is simply divine." She then rewrapped her
blade, signalling that no further discussion was either
needed or allowed.
Ranma and Akane affected looks of defeat
and disgust.
Souun laughed, trying to put everyone back at ease.
"Well, now that _that's_ been settled--"
"Nihao!" greeted a familiar voice.
Ranma groaned. "Oh no . . . ."
Before Kasumi could rise and open the door a rather
large hole formed in the wall. Natually Souun freaked out.
"My wall!"
"Shampoo," Akane muttered as the Chinese girl entered,
waving. "Can't you use the door?"
Shampoo consigned her bonbori to bonborispace and made
a face at her. "Why bother with your door when I can make own?"
Ignoring Akane's dark look, the Amazon lifted her delivery
case and dashed to Ranma's side.
"Here, Airen," she said, smiling sweetly and opening
the case, "I made dim sum just for you." She winked,
cuddling up to him. "Is even free of charge." <That
should interest him. *mischievous mental laugh*>.
"Um," Ranma looked uncertain.
Souun started glowing. "Ranma," he growled, "did you
ask Shampoo to bring you breakfast when Kasumi had already
worked hard to cook this meal?"
Gulping, Ranma raised his hands defensively. "Hey,
wait, Ojisan--"
"Wife is only doing duty--feeding her husband,"
Shampoo replied reasonably. "Is just as well, since"--she
gave Akane a sly look -- "fiancee-in-name-only cannot cook,
and if could, would just poison Husband!"
Akane snapped her chopsticks in two.
"Excuse me, young lady," Nodoka interrupted sweetly.
"Shampoo, is it? I understand you claim to have some hold
over my son--"
Shampoo hugged Ranma, making him *eep.* "I do," she
replied, confident. "Law of Joketsuzoku backs me up."
"I see." Nodoka glared at Genma.
"It's not my doing," he protested. "I swear!"
"Genma--" The dreaded sound of an unsheathed katana
met his ears.
"That Amazon law," a woman's voice announced, "will
back me up also!"
The cast members exchanged glances. Before anyone
could speak, someone entered through the hole in the
wall--a tall, young woman with long, blue-black hair,
wearing a green robe far too small to cover her shapely
figure. In her hand she carried a wooden staff.
Everyone gasped, Akane, Ranma, Shampoo, Souun,
and Genma the loudest, since the woman looked disturbingly
familiar.
"Oh . . . my . . . god," whispered Ranma hoarsely.
"Aiyaa," murmured Shampoo. <It couldn't be . . . >
"That's right, Great-granddaughter," the now youthful
Cologne purred, chuckling. She oriented on Ranma, who looked
as though he were about to have a coronary. "And greetings
to you, Son-in-law. Or should I say . . . Husband?"
"HUSBAND?" Otoko-Ranma shrieked.
"You have no choice, Mukodono," Cologne called.
"You've managed to defeat me in the past. If you won't marry
Shampoo, then you'll have to marry me!"
His hair standing on end, Ranma leaped to his feet.
"N-now wait just a damn minute, you old ghoul--"
"Not so old now," commented Shampoo fearfully.
"Great-grandmother, what you do?"
Souun also leaped to his feet. "Now see here,
Grandmother Cologne," he began.
He made an *oof* sound as Cologne knocked him away and
approached Ranma, whom she looked dead in the eye. "And now,
Son-in--_Husband_ . . ." She raised her staff, then brought
it down--
--to beat rapidly on Ranma's head. ("Ow!" *Smack* "Ow!"
*Smack* "Ow!" *Smack* . . . )
"Well, look at that," Nabiki said. "She must _really_
be angry with him for not marrying Shampoo!"
Akane blinked. "Grandmother Cologne, what are you--"
Gritting her teeth as she beat him, Cologne blushed,
embarrassed. "Um . . .can you believe this? I . . . forgot . . .
about . . . this . . ."
"Oh dear," Kasumi murmured, wincing with each blow
that fell on Ranma's head, "she's imprinting."
Akane blinked. "Imprinting? Like what that phoenix
Kunou-sempai had once did?" Her brow furrowed. "But . . .
why . . ." Leaping to her feet, Akane planted herself in front of
Shampoo, who stood helplessly by as her great-grandmother
beat Ranma's "promise posed" form into the floor. "Hey, can't
_you_ do something about this?"
Shampoo spread her hands. "I cannot stop Great-
grandmother when she serious!"
"Serious indeed!" Nodoka huffed, whipping out her
katana and looking appropriately alarmed. "She's trying to
kill my son! Young lady, what is the meaning of all this?"
"Well . . ." Hastily Shampoo explained the events of
the day before. When she mentioned the phoenix-feather
potion, Akane scowled.
"I'll bet that has something to do with her behavior,"
she said.
"Ah!" Cologne exclaimed, having reached for the
tiny pill-shaped object hanging around her neck. Once she
popped the pill into her month, her beating slowed, then
finally stopped.
Otoko-Ranma lay in a crumpled heap on the floor.
"Ohhhh," he moaned. "Why'd you do that, ghoul?"
"Great-grandmother," Shampoo said, stepping
forward, "what means this? You shouldn't hurt my Airen!"
"Sorry, granddaughter," Cologne replied, standing
defiantly over Ranma. She sighed. "You have to trust
me on this." She glanced down at Ranma, who had sat
up, rubbing his head. "Come along, Son-in--Husband.
It's time to go."
"What?!" everyone exclaimed.
"Hey, wait a minute!" Ranma snapped, scooting
away. "Look, I don't care how young you are, ghoul--I ain't
going nowhere with you!"
Brushing aside a long lock of hair, the young
Cologne chuckled.
"As usual, Son-in--Husband, you don't know what
you're dealing with. This old gal's got plenty of
tricks." Before Ranma could retort, she leaped
forward--
--and kissed him. On the lips.
Shocked beyond belief, the entire cast crashed to
the floor.
"Oh, the horror!" Souun shrieked, a river of
tears streaming down his face.
"She k-ki-kiss--" Genma mumbled, twitching.
"Surely the poor boy will perish from shock!"
"Stop it!" Cologne snapped at them, her hair
billowing up in her fury, making the two men retreat
into a corner.
Meanwhile a less-than-thrilled Ranma had the most
shocked expression on his face. Then he slumped to the
floor in a deep sleep.
"Fushichou Warrior Special Techinque: Flaming Lips
of Passion," Cologne intoned, smiling. "And now . . ."
As the cast members watched, Cologne reached into
featherspace and pulled forth a large, reddish-gold
feather. She waved it in a circle, and a fireball shot
from it and engulfed her and the sleeping Ranma.
"Phoenix Portal!"
She and Ranma began fading into the light.
"Airen!" Shampoo called.
Akane gasped. "Wait! Wh-where are you taking him?"
Cologne laughed.
"Why do you care, Akane Tendou? _You_ don't love
him." Again she chuckled, and glanced towards her
great-granddaughter.
"If you want him back, Shampoo, you know where
to come." Her image faded. "I'll be waiting."
"But--" Akane's words were lost as Cologne and
Ranma disappeared into the light.
Nodoka rose to her feet. "My son!"
"That old lady's really desperate for a man, isn't
she?" an amused Nabiki quipped, sipping her tea.
"This is terrible!" Souun cried. "Who knows what
she'll do to that poor boy."
"Huh?" Suddenly Genma got a mental picture and
freaked out. Calmly Nodoka knocked some sense into him.
"Now then," Nodoka continued, orienting on Shampoo.
"Shampoo, where has your grandmother taken my son?"
"Well . . . " the young Amazon replied. "Not
to Nekohanten--too obvious. She goes to special place in
woods where we spent all that time before."
Nodoka nodded. "Then, my dear, that's where
you'll take Akane."
Akane's eyes widened. "What? Me?"
"What you talking?" Shampoo piped in. "Is _I_ who
love Ranma. _I_ go for him!"
"But Akane's his fiancee," Nodoka reminded her
gently. "_She_ should go." She sighed. "Usually I would
deem such a bold rescue attempt unladylike, but
then, Akane's _is_ rather, um--"
Closing her eyes, Akane growled, "What--macho?"
Nodoka cleared her throat. "Well, I didn't mean
to be quite so vulgar. How about . . . high-spirited?"
"She means macho," Nabiki remarked drily.
"So true," giggled Shampoo.
"Anyway," Nodoka continued, "it's your duty as
Ranma's future wife to look out for him, so you should
go."
Suddenly Akane found everyone staring expectantly
at her. She knew Nodoka was right. She and Ranma had
finally gotten to the point where they consciously
thought of themselves as a couple. Torn, she looked at
Shampoo, who eyed her disdainfully, and bit her lip.
<Ranma,> she thought, <I want to come for you,
but . . . if I do, everyone will know how we really
feel about each other. And we promised not to let
them know . . .>
"Humph. Why should I care?" Akane snapped,
turning on her heel. "He probably deserves it anyway." She
stomped out of the room so the cast missed the sad and
worried expression on her face.
Shampoo watched her go and sniffed.
"I expect as much from heartless, violent girl."
She drew herself up importantly. "No worry, everyone.
I go talk to Great-grandmother and rescue my Airen!"
The kawaii girl grinned. "And then Ranma be so happy
we marry!" Her large eyes clouded over as she fantasized
about how wonderful her wedding would be.
Everyone else shook their heads while Genma and
Souun commenced sobbing.
"Our doujou is doomed!"
In her room Akane leaned against the door, deep in
thought.
<Whew. That was close. If I'd stayed around any
longer, I might have cracked.> She tingled with ki. <That
old woman--I can't believe she'd do something like this! Is
it really _that_ important Shampoo--no, her tribe--have Ranma?
And she _kissed_ him! Poor Ranma . . . >
For a brief moment she chuckled to herself. There
was a time when she would've wanted to kick herself for
being so concerned about Ranma Saotome, the most hot-
tempered, battle-hardy, and tactless young man she'd ever met.
But she knew he didn't mean to be like that (well,
at least on the tactless part), and she cared deeply
for him.
<It'll probably hurt his masculine pride to have
me rescue him,> she thought, amused, <but I just can't
sit here and let that crafty old woman get away with this.>
She thought of Shampoo, and glowed ever brighter. <And
Shampoo--playing so innocent. I'll bet she's in on the whole
thing. A silly, weak girl, am I? I'll show her!>
With new resolve she rushed to the window, then
paused. Cologne seemed to have become even more
powerful than before, thanks to another of her ancient
Chinese secrets, no doubt. If she were to have any chance at
all, she'd need to know what she would be dealing with.
There was one person who _had_ to be able
to help.
Firmly resolved, Akane prepared to visit
Toufuu-sensei's office.
Part II: An Unwilling Bride---Groom
Somewhere in the outskirts of Tokyo in a wooded
area, Otoko-Ranma was coming to. He blinked as sensitive
human eyes met bright, unyielding sunlight.
"Oh man, what happened?" he muttered, sitting
up. "First I got Shampoo all over me, and then the ghoul
shows up--"
His body jerked. The ghoul! It was all coming back.
Hadn't she arrived at the doujou, in her once-youthful
guise? How in hell had she managed _that?_ And hadn't
she--*gag*--kissed him?!
"Don't know what she's playing at," Ranma
grumbled, "but she's not getting away with--" He trailed
off as he noticed his surroundings and leapt to his feet.
"Hey, what the--"
He noticed he was hovering--inside a sphere of
flames which itself hovered over the largest tree trunk
he'd ever seen. His prison stood in the middle of a grove
of reddish-gold trees.
He blinked.
"Where in HELL am I?!"
"In Phoenix Grove, of course."
Ranma looked up to see the young Cologne
standing on a nearby tree branch, grinning smugly.
"Yo, ghoul," he called, "what's all this?"
"I told you, you're in Phoenix Grove, Bride-
groom," she answered, caressing her staff. "Lovely
place, isn't it?"
"Lovely--_hell_," Ranma snapped.
Cologne sniffed. "Still as firey as usual. You'll
make such a good husband."
Growling, Ranma clenched his fist. "How many
times I gotta tell you--I am NOT--"
Cologne dropped down into the sphere, interrupting
Ranma's tirade. He stared at her.
"H-how . . . but it's made of--"
"_I_ created the sphere, so I can get in and out
of it at will," the youthened Amazon replied crisply. "It's
_your_ prison, so naturally _you_ can't get out."
"Oh yeah?" Ranma pushed back his sleeves. "We'll
see about that." He rushed the nearest side of the sphere--
--and found himself getting fried to a crisp.
Sighing, Cologne shoved his smoking form back.
"I _told_ you, you fool, _you_ can't get out!" she
snapped. "And you needn't worry about anyone else coming
for you--only Shampoo and I know where this grove is."
"Oh?" Ranma brushed some of the charred remains
of his shirt away. "I _knew_ this was another of your dumb
schemes. And besides"--he glared at her-- "I don't _need_
anyone to rescue me."
"But my Shampoo will do so nonetheless," Cologne
purred.
"Huh?"
"Don't you see? I arranged all this so you could
see how worthy a wife Shampoo is for you." She toyed idly
with her staff. "If I know that great-granddaugher of mine,
she'll come for you. If she can manage to outwit a
Fushichou Warrior, then I'll gladly let her marry you."
"Humph," Ranma snorted, head in his hands. "I
doubt Shampoo could win. You," he admitted grudgingly,
"are pretty tough in your normal guise. Guess being
a wrinkled old Amazon bat has some merits."
*Smack!*
"Ingrate!" Cologne snarled, baring fangs she
normally didn't have.
"Geez, what'd you expect, ghoul?" Ranma countered,
rubbing his head. "I've been kidnapped! How happy you
expect me to be?!"
Twitching, Cologne's eyes smouldered.
"Joke all you want, Bridegroom, but remember this:
If Shampoo fails, then I"--she fluttered her eyes-- "will be your
bride. Forever."
Ranma stared at her, not liking what she'd just said. "F-
forever?"
"Well . . . at least throughout your natural life."
Smiling wickedly, Cologne continued. "You see, Groom,
the phoenix-feather potion I bathed in grants eternal youth and
incredible power. It certainly won't be easy for Shampoo
to beat me. However, if she does fail, you'll marry one of us."
She turned to go. "Think about that." And with that she leapt
out of the sphere, her laughter echoing throughout the forest.
<Kuso,> Ranma swore. This was ridiculous. When
would people stop trying to control his life?
<And what's even more stupid--the idea of me--Ranma
Saotome--being rescued! I gotta find some way outta here.>
He studied the sphere, and thought of Cologne. <But . . .
the ghoul's right about her new power. Shampoo ain't got
a chance. Damn.> He hung his head, and then one other
thought flickered through his mind.
<It burns like hell to think this, but . . . Akane . . .
maybe . . . could you . . . >
Leaving Dr. Toufuu's office, Akane studied
the contents of the pouch she carried and recalled
Dr. Toufuu's words.
"This magic powder," he had told her, "has the
power to bend others' wills. Throw some on Cologne, and
her hold over Ranma will be broken."
"But, Toufuu-sensei . . . how can doing _that_
help me win?"
"Ah!" The young doctor winked at her. "Just
use your wits. Don't worry," he had added, noticing her
doubtful expression, "you can do it."
<Toufuu-sensei was pretty confident,> she thought.
<Okay. How am I going to to this? Besides, I don't even
know where she's keeping him-->
Suddenly she heard footsteps coming from the
street in front of her, and instinct told her to hold back.
Sure enough, Shampoo dashed by.
"Hey, it's her!" Akane whispered to herself.
"She knows where Ranma is. But there's no way she'd
ever help me." She sighed, feeling defeated, then cocked
her head, wondering.
"Hmm. She seems to be going in the direction
of the Nekohanten. Maybe . . ."
She dashed off in that direction.
Back at the Nekohanten Shampoo burst through
the front door, startling Muu Muu-chan, who'd (as Mousse)
quite conveniently tripped into a puddle of mop water.
"Quack! Quack!" the boy-turned-duck said,
waddling after her.
"Go away, Mousse!" Shampoo snapped in Chinese,
booting him away. "I have to think! Great-grandmother is
holding my Airen prisoner, and I must think of a way to
outwit her. It won't be easy," she muttered, plopping
down into a nearby chair. "She is a very strong and
crafty Amazon, and as a Fushichou Warrior--"
The creaking of the front door interrupted her, and
someone walked in.
"You!" Angrily Shampoo leaped to her feet. "Akane
Tendou," she snapped, reverting to Japanese, "why _you_
here? Nekohanten closed!"
Trembling, Akane took a deep breath. "I--I know,"
she said. "I just came by to--to--"
Shampoo tapped her foot. "I not have all day,
weakling." Her lip curled in disgust. Why did this girl always
interfere with her pursuit of Ranma? Didn't she have
something better to do?
Akane frowned, but keep her anger in check. "I just
came by to"--she held out the bag of powder-- "to give
you this."
Shampoo's large eyes narrowed suspiciously.
"Oh? And what that?"
Gulping, trying to remain calm, Akane tossed the bag
at her. "It's something I got from Toufuu-sensei," she said,
watching the Amazon study the bag's contents. "If you can
throw some of that on your grandmother, she'll be weakened
enough for you to help Ranma."
"What?" Shampoo sniffed. "You lie! Why
you help me? Always you try keeping my Airen from me."
"I told you--I don't care who ends up with him!"
Akane yelled back, turning her head and scowling. <Let's see.
Mousse is still unconscious over there by the wall, I don't
see Shampoo's father anywhere, and there's a half-full
bucket of water by me-->
Confused, the Amazon's eyes made that squelchy
noise as she blinked. "So . . . you want _I_ should rescue
him then?"
"Hah!" Akane snorted, yanking down the nearest
drape and tearing one end of it to shreds. "Go right ahead!
Marry the stupid, sex-changing jerk if you want. I just
want you to know that I despise him. So go on." She
waved her away. "Go get your husband."
"Huh?" Now Shampoo didn't know what to
think. True, she'd always thought Ranma and Akane didn't
care for each other, and that Akane's interference was
just a nuisance act, but for the most stubborn girl in Japan
to give up suddenly like this--
<Maybe she's _finally_ coming to her senses!> the
Amazon thought happily. <Maybe she's finally tiring of this
stupid game of hers. It's _about_ time!> "Aiyaa! Now I will finally
have my groom!" she squealed, dashing towards the door. "I
go now."
"Yes--you do that," Akane said, reaching for
the bucket, and with all her might--
*Splash!*
Now Neko-Shampoo stood where the young Amazon
had. As she shook the water from her fur, Akane leaped on her,
covering her from the neck down with the drape.
Human and Amazon-turned-cat struggled for a few
seconds. But the cat's form proved too weak to handle the
determined human.
<What _is_ this?> Neko-Shampoo's thoughts
screamed. <How can this be . . . *sniff*>
The cat's thoughts were soundly interrupted as
Akane managed to fling a fistful of the powder into her
furry face. Seconds later a dreamy look fell over the cat's face.
<Oh . . . > Neko-Shampoo thought, feeling a little
light-headed. <I feel so . . . strange . . . >
"Ah--it worked!" Akane breathed, ignoring her
stinging scratches. "So it _does_ work on other creatures as
well. Now"--she picked up the cat, holding her at eye-level.
"OK, Shampoo, you know where Cologne's keeping
Ranma, ne?"
Firmly under the powder's influence, Neko-Shampoo
mewed and nodded.
"Good." Akane's battle aura flared up. <Just you
wait, Ranma. I'm coming!>
"It's no use," Kasumi said as she came back into
living room. "Akane's locked her door, and she won't even
speak to me." She sighed. "I'm really starting to think she
doesn't care at all."
"How dreadful," Nodoka commented, shaking her
head.
"Indeed," Souun added, wiping away a stream of tears.
"All is lost."
"Hey, if you're all that worried," Nabiki said, "why
don't one of _you_ go after him?"
<What! Impossible!> Genma-Panda signed as he
stumbled into the room. <That old bag will kill us!>
"Or _kiss_ us," Souun added.
Everyone crashed to the floor at the thought.
"I guess we'll have to hope Ranma can free
himself," Kasumi said, managing to rise.
Everyone grunted agreement.
Part III: Akane Versus the Legendary . . . Amazon
It was nearly noon, and Cologne was getting
impatient.
"Now where is that granddaughter of mine?"
she wondered aloud, peering about the grove from the
top of a tree branch. "She should've been here hours
ago. If she doesn't hurry"--she gazed in the direction
of Ranma's prison-- "Son-in--Husband--will
burn himself to a crisp."
"It'll be . . . better than . . . staying here with
. . you," Ranma muttered, having tried to break out
for the the umpteenth time. He crawled aside on
the imaginary floor, wracking his brain.
<Man, this is stupid. What kinda power
does she have?> He sullenly rested his chin in his
hands. <Even if Shampoo _did_ manage to one-up the
ghoul, how can I show my face, knowing a girl rescued
me?> He sighed.
Then got an idea.
"Yo, ghoul," he called
Cologne rolled her eyes. "What now, Mukodono?"
"Hey, can I have some water or what? You've
got no idea how hot it is in here."
"Water? Oh, all right." Cologne disappeared for
a moment, then returned with a gourd full of water.
"Here," she said, offering it to him.
"Thanks," he said, accepting it. He took a
sip.
After a pause Cologne sighed and turned aside.
"Groom. . . I have a confession to make. I've always. . .
had a soft spot for you. I always did like handsome
young men." Blushing, she giggled. "And you know . . .
Shampoo might _not_ have a chance. Even so, our tribe
needs someone like you. And now that I have this body . . ."
Clenching her fist, she decided she couldn't hold back any
longer. "Oh, Groom, I promise I'll be a good wife!" So
saying, she threw herself into his arms.
"Um," Ranma began, "technically . . . wouldn't
_I_ be a wife, too?"
"What?" Cologne opened her eyes--and found
herself hugging a somewhat damp Onna-Ranma.
"Aaaaaaah!" she screamed.
"Gee, ghoul," the red-head said with a mischievous
glint in her eyes, "didn't know you were like . . . that. Man,
chicks really _are_ affectionate, ain't they?"
"Wha--" Cologne sputtered. "When--why did
you--"
"Geez, ghoul, think about it. You think I'll let some
girl come after _me_ as a _guy?_"
Suddenly Cologne was feeling very steamed.
"Go right ahead--have your fun," the youthened
Amazon sneered through her teeth, "but somehow you
_will_ return to China with me--"
"Ranma's not going ANYWHERE with you,
Grandmother Cologne!" a defiant voice shouted.
Both Ranma and Cologne jerked, startled.
<Hey,> Ranma thought, <that sounded like-->
"No! It can't be," Cologne whispered, leaping
from the sphere. She gasped as she spied a bedraggled
Akane Tendou emerging from the bushes.
"You! How did you--"
"--get here?" Akane finished, panting. "Believe it
or not, Shampoo did me a little favor." She smirked. "She
led me right to you!"
"No way!" Onna-Ranma murmured.
"No . . . " Cologne muttered, caught off guard for
once. Her great-granddaughter . . . helping Akane Tendou?!
Impossible! But . . . there couldn't have been any other
way for Akane to find this grove, unless . . .
Cologne's eyes narrowed as she settled down to
the ground. "Shampoo would do no such thing," she said.
"So that leaves only one other person--that meddlesome
doctor, Toufuu Ono." She frowned. It seemed that chiropractor
knew more about the ancient secrets of China than he should.
How dare he interfere!
She studied the young woman. "So . . . you have
come to challenge me?"
Akane looked her straight in the eye. "Exactly."
"Aka--ne!" Ranma hissed, irritated. <Oh, great.
Not only will she risk getting herself killed, but she'll clue
the ghoul in to what's between us now. *sigh* Baka,
baka . . .>
Returning the young woman's gaze, Cologne snorted.
"You do realize, my dear, that once my Shampoo arrives, you
won't have a chance."
Akane suddenly gave a nervous laugh. "I--doubt
Shampoo will make it here anytime soon." <Especially since
I ordered her to take a nice little nap by the stream.> Praying
Cologne wouldn't notice the pouch filled with the magic
powder, Akane continued. "Anyway, you may as well
fight me instead."
Ranma froze, tense. "Akane, you idiot--"
Cologne blinked. What _was_ this? Why all of
a sudden did this girl--who claimed she wanted nothing to do
with Ranma--want to fight for him? It made no sense! After
all the times she'd twacked him, insulted him, and sent him
flying into orbit, she dared challenge her for him?
<It must be a ruse,> Cologne mused. <And yet . . .>
This time the youthened Amazon looked at the young woman--
really looked--
There was something about Akane that unnerved
her.
"Hah!" Amused, Cologne floated away. "If this
_is_ a game, I suppose I'll have to show you what you're
playing with." Reaching into featherspace, she whipped
out a handful of the reddish-gold feathers.
Akane tensed.
So did Ranma. <Damn. I gotta get out of here . . .>
"Prepare yourself!" Cologne raised her hand.
"Pyro Darts!"
"Aaah!" Akane shrieked, tumbling out of the way as
a dozen feathers struck the earth in front of her, exploding like
firecrackers.
"And how about this?" Swooping around in an arch,
Cologne pursed her lips. "Flaming Kiss!" She made a smooching
noise at Akane--causing a stream of flames to shoot out at her
adversary.
"Akane!" Ranma yelled, watching her recoil from
the heat and stumble to the ground. "Stupid woman! Get
outta the way!"
"What?" Akane glanced up for a moment to glare at
her fiance. "Stay out of this, Ranma! This is _my_ fight,
okay?"
"Yeah?" Ranma snorted. "Well, you're gonna get
fried, you macho girl."
"Oh? And I suppose _you_ can do better? I don't
see _you_ outside that fireball!"
"Just take your butt home, and let me handle this
myself--"
"Ungrateful jerk! I came all the way out here, and--"
Cologne took a deep breath.
"STOP ARGUING IN THE MIDDLE OF A DUEL!"
The force of her outburst not only blew Akane's
short hair back but also disturbed the flames encircling
Ranma and the surrounding trees for a moment.
"I'm ending this little distraction now," Cologne
huffed determined. "Fushichou Warrior Final Attack: Stinging
Bird's Claw!"
From eggspace Cologne produced a handful of small red
eggs. Flicking her wrist, she threw them at Akane.
Akane gasped as the eggs exploded into throwing stars
which pinned her against the nearest tree. The force of the
impact made Akane groan.
Satisfied, Cologne settled back down to the ground.
"Now, young lady," she purred, "do you still intend to distract
me? You don't love him, so stop trying to keep him from someone
who does. It would be _so_ much easier." <Surely now,> she
thought, <she'll realize her folly . . .>
Meanwhile, Onna-Ranma's battle aura was flaring up.
She'd had quite enough.
<To hell with this!> "Ghoul," she warned, "you'd
better not hurt her!"
Both Cologne and Akane gasped, and turned toward
the sphere. Neither could see that well through the flames,
but they knew Ranma Saotome was _furious._
Cologne peered fixedly at the sphere. "Wh-what?
Don't be silly, Son-in-law! I only intend to make this
nuisance go away."
"Doesn't matter, ghoul." Ranma peered at her
through narrowed eyes. "Leave her alone."
While Cologne was distracted, Akane tried reaching
for her pouch . . . .
Meanwhile, Cologne was shaking her head. What
had come over him? "Be reasonable, Groom. Why are you
pretending to care? After all the times you've called her
ugly, violent, and macho--"
"Hey! _Nobody_ calls her that but me. Got it?"
<That's it, Ranma,> Akane thought, squirming. <Almost
got . . . it . . . >
"Nobody--" Now Cologne was completely confused.
This couldn't be the same young man she'd known in the past.
What had come over him?
"I--" Completely at a loss, Cologne's mind stumbled
over the implications she'd just picked up.
This distraction proved enough for Akane.
"Grandmother Cologne," croaked a voice
behind her.
Her irritation resurfacing, the youthened Amazon
turned around. "Yes?"
Holding a fistful of powder in her free hand, Akane
blew the stuff in Cologne's face.
Somewhere in the woods a rather steamed white and
pink cat mewed furiously, blinking as it woke from its sleep.
Hissing and spitting, it wondered where it could find some
hot water . . . .
Sneezing and coughing, Cologne dropped her staff,
not believing what had just happened.
"What . . . what did you--"
Ranma's eyes were as wide as saucers as she witnessed
all this. "Damn, Akane, what did you do?"
"Never mind that," Akane panted. "All right, old woman,
would you please get the rest of these things off me?"
Dazed, and having no other choice but to comply,
Cologne waved her hand. The throwing stars fell off.
Sighing with relief, Akane pulled her aching body
from the tree. "Now then," she contined with a kawaii grin,
"how about getting my fiance down, huh?"
<She's calling him her fiance?!> Again she raised
her hand. Moments later the sphere vanished. Ranma hung
in the air a second before crashing down with a solid *thud.*
Gasping, Akane ran up to her. "Ranma, are you
okay?"
"Oh, owww," her fiance groaned, spitting splinters.
"You coulda made her lower me a lot more softly, you
know."
Akane frowned. "Well, excuse me! At least you're
out of that thing."
"Yeah, yeah, whatever." She glanced back at Cologne,
who was still sitting with a spaced-out expression on her face.
"OK, I gotta know. How in hell did you--"
Sighing, Akane raised her hand. "I'll tell you later."
She strode purposely toward Cologne. "I have one more little
favor to ask, Grandmother Cologne . . . ."
Ranma watched as Akane whispered something else
in the Amazon's ear, and then followed up by dousing her
in the rest of the powder. Osage-no-onna scratched her head.
"There!" Akane said, satisfied. "We shouldn't have
to worry about her kidnapping you again." She eyed Ranma
askance. "Funny. Weren't you _male_ the last time I saw
you?"
Ranma rolled her eyes. "Last I heard, it's OK for girls
to rescue girls. 'Nuff said."
"Right. I hope you're in shape for our date tonight."
"Oh shit! Forgot about that."
Akane frowned. "Oh, so you don't want to take me
out? Is that it?"
<They're DATING now?> Cologne's thoughts screamed.
"I didn't say that!" Ranma snapped.
"But you meant it, didn't you?"
Helplessly Cologne watched them leave the grove.
Minutes later a damp Shampoo bounded into the
grove to see her great-grandmother sitting on the ground.
"Great-grandmother!" she called, screeching to
a halt. "What happened? Where my Airen?" she asked,
so flustered she didn't switch back to Chinese.
"Gone." Bitterly Cologne related all that had
happened. When she finished, Shampoo sank down beside
her, equally shocked.
"Aiyaa," she murmured. "Who could have known
weak girl like Akane have power to defeat
you, Great-grandmother." <Hmm,> she thought, <perhaps
Akane is stronger and more cunning than I thought . . . >
Recoiling from the shock, Shampoo looked at her
grandmother. "Uh, Great-grandmother . . . how long you
stay like that?" She indicated Cologne's form.
"Thanks to Akane Tendou, not long," she grumbled.
"The potion I used is only temporary unless I bath in it
again for three consecutive nights. Thanks to that powder
she doused me with, I've forgotten where to locate more
of the phoenix feathers." She sighed. "Oh well. I tried. I must
be getting old indeed. Who could've known that head-
strong young girl was so clever"--she paused--"and able
to win Son-in-law's heart."
"WHAT?" Now Shampoo's battle aura was flaring
up. "What you talking, Great-grandmother?!"
"Calm down, Shampoo!" Cologne snapped in
Chinese. "Don't worry," she said, patting her granddaugther
on the arm. "I'll explain. This old gal"--she smiled craftily--
"hasn't given up yet."
THE END (Pul-lease! :)
Author's Note: *evil laughter* Oh, my, my, my! What
has happened here? It certainly seems Cologne and
Shampoo aren't finished with our indestructible pair yet,
does it? Those two are up to something . . .
My next installment is "Red Haze: Back in Phase" and
includes two new characters of my own creation: Lovestruck
Ni Hai and the glamourous Paa Fuum. Watch for it!
Adios, adios! :)
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Ranma 1/2 Fanfiction: "Red Haze: Back in Phase (installment #6)
By: Dark Phoenix (Carolyn Brickhouse)
Author's Note: These characters (well, the regulars, anyway) belong to
Takahashi Rumiko-sama, but the situations belong to me, blah, blah, blah,
and other legalese. This is the next installment in my ongoing series,
and it comes right after "Cologne: The Immortal Beloved."
*Note:* This story is a pretty big step for me--and Ranma 1/2. It was my
wish to take the Ranmaverse in a new direction. Although o-Takahashi-sama
may never have intended to do what I've done herself, I still see no
reason why something like this couldn't develop.
Confused? Just read and see. ;)
Like all of my stories, these events occur after those of manga Vol. 38.
And now--let the insanity begin! :)
Part I: Big Trouble--Joketsuzoku Style
*BOOM!*
At the Tendou Doujou Kasumi Tendou gasped as Happousai--and the
wall he was closest to-was blasted into orbit.
The cast came running. Souun Tendou arrived first, and upon seeing
the damage, went into convulsions. Nabiki, with Nodoka Saotome following,
clucked her tongue.
"I thought it was about that time," Nabiki murmured.
Nodoka blinked. "About time for what, dear?"
Nabiki giggled craftily. Nodoka still hadn't found out about her
son's little "problem." She grinned. "Wouldn't _you_ like to know," was
all she said.
Just then Onna-Ranma entered, laughing maniacally.
"Bwahahahahaaa! Whaddaya think of that, chikan jiji? That oughta
teach ya! Bwahahahahaaa!"
Naturally the rest of the cast had comments.
"Oh dear," Kasumi murmured, seeing yet another mess for her to
resolve, "you won't be in a good mood for a while, will you, Ranma?"
<Son,> Genma-Panda signed, scratching and yawning, <could you keep
the noise down? I was trying to sleep.>
"Son!" Souun shrieked, rushing to Ranma and sobbing a river.
"Son! How _could_ you? You know this household can barely make it as is!"
"Well," Nabiki said, shrugging and watching as Happousai's
"promise posed" form slammed into the remains of the floor, "guess the
panty thief's had it for this week."
Sighing, Akane went to soothe her hysterical father.
<Here we go again.>
Meanwhile, a shrunken, white-haired form on a long wooden staff
hopped over the rooftops, stunned by what it had just witnessed.
<No doubt about . . . that was the _Haze!_> Cologne thought. <And
_Mukodono_ did it! Hmm
. . .>
She cackled. Maybe Ranma truly _hadn't_ escaped her yet.
*******One Month Later*******
In the Nekohanten Cologne's gnarled hands eagerly opened a recently
arrived letter. Upon reading the Chinese characters, her face broke into
a wide grin.
In the Furikan High cafeteria Akane sat with her two friends,
eating lunch.
"Say, Akane," the short-haired girl, Sayuri, began, "how are you
taking this?"
"Huh?" Akane blinked, setting down her chopsticks. "How am I
taking what?"
Sayuri and the other girl, Yuka, exchanged glances. "Well . . .
you know . . ." Yuka supplied, blushing. "Coping with the fact that
fiance really is . . . is . . . "
Akane's eyes narrowed. "Is what?"
"Half-way female," Sayuri finished.
Akane fell out of her seat.
"Whoa--wait a minute," she protested.
Sayuri held up her hand.
"Oh, come on, Akane. You were there at that ball. Don't tell me
you're still in denial!"
"That's right," Yuka piped in. "Besides, it works in your favor
anyway. I mean, you always said you hated boys--"
"But . . ." Akane attempted.
"--and Ranma's only half-way boy. That's okay, isn't it?"
Akane stared at her friends. "Uh . . . "
*BOOM!*
A red blast of energy shot a hole in the wall, through which a
screaming student ran like hell.
"Aaaaaaaah! Please, Saotome, don't hurt me!" he yelled. He
crashed through the table where Akane sat, toppling everything and
creating a huge mess.
"What the--" she wondered, glancing around. Then a familiar-
looking red-head leaped through the hole and onto what was left of the
table.
"Come back and fight like a man!" Onna-Ranma yelled, bounding
after him.
One guy sighed. "Lookit that--poor guy was after 'her' again."
"Only one?" his friend mumbled around his food.
While the other students cautiously rose to study the hole in the
wall, Yuka made a tsk-tsk noise.
"These days Ranma seems more violent as a girl."
"Um, yeah, you could say that," Akane murmured. <Let me guess--
another too-frisky 'admirer' . . . who'll probably be needing therapy and
hospital care pretty soon.>
Sayuri sighed. "Must be tough, having so many admirers."
"You mean having so many hentais lusting after you," Yuka
corrected. "No wonder he hates guys."
<Oh, brother,> Akane's thoughts muttered.
Meanwhile, out in the schoolyard, two strangers watched as Ranma
tackled the student.
"Is that the one?" The shorter one asked in Mandarin.
"Yes," the other answered, carressing a lotus blossom. "Aiyaa!
The old one was right--this Ranma Saotome _is_ strong."
"It's time we got acquainted with her, yes?"
Her companion smiled. "I think so. By the way--we are in Japan.
Speak Japanese."
The other grinned. "Of course."
<Hentai,> Otoko-Ranma (who just couldn't help going back male for
a little while) muttered, adjusting his backpack. <What was the big idea-
-talking to me like _that_? And then he ran, the coward! Geez, and they
think _I_ got no balls?> He sighed. <With all the ruckus I caused I'm
surprised I didn't get suspended. Well, hell. It ain't like I got
control over these damn hormones . . . .>
He rushed out of the classroom and into the schoolyard. Spying
his
fiancee, he caught up with her.
"Yo, Akane! What you and your girlfriends talk about at lunch
today?"
Akane sniffed. "My. Aren't _you_ nosy?"
"Aw, come offa it, Akane," he snorted. "I've been the talk of
this school for weeks. More gossip ain't gonna faze me."
Akane rolled her eyes, somewhat amused. "Yuka and Sayuri were
marveling at the commotion at lunch today." She cocked an eye at him.
"Nice hole in the wall. Getting _hormonal_ again?"
Ranma scowled. "Guys don't get hormonal."
"Of course not," Akane said nonchalantly. "_Guys_ don't."
Ranma grumbled, knowing full well what she meant. "This is such a
picnic for you, ain't it?"
"Are you kidding? I know _exactly_ how you feel."
"Yeah. That's really amazing, considering how macho you are."
*Whap!*
Drawing her hand back, Akane glared at him. "I am NOT macho!"
"Nah," Ranma grumbled, sticking out his tongue at her, "you're a
brutish monster!"
"WHAAAT?" With one deft movement, Akane chased him down the path,
swinging her schoolbag. Onlookers watched the scene with interest.
"There they go again," someone muttered. "I swear Ranma's a
masochist."
"Among other things," a girl added, snickering.
"Chaaaa!" Akane grunted as her schoolbag made contact with the
nearest wall, smashing a spiderweb-like impression in it.
"Nyaah, nyaah!" Her fiance taunted, leaping out of the way as
she
swung again. "Hah! You know, even with all that brute force, you're still
no match for me!"
"Maybe we be, perhaps?" an unfamiliar voice cooed in Japanese.
Ranma and Akane stopped in their tracks--Ranma in mid-leap, Akane
in mid-swing.
Then it came.
"Nylon Whip!"
Out of nowhere an electrified piece of nylon snaked down, heading
straight for Ranma. He saw the object and darted aside at the last
moment. The strange whip made contact with the nearby wall, creating a
huge crack in it.
"What was _that?_" Ranma wondered.
"It . . ." Akane dropped her schoolbag. "That--whatever it was--
shattered most of that wall! But . . . it looked like just a strip of
nylon!"
"Yeah, with some kinda ki-charge!" Ranma assumed a stance. "All
right--who did that?"
"_I_ do."
The pair looked up to see a strange young woman with long red hair
waving at them from the top of a nearby tree branch. She bowed.
"I am Ni Hai. Impressive. You not so bad, Flat-chest."
Ranma blinked. "Uh . . . you talking to . . . me?"
"Wha . . .?" Akane said.
Ni Hai rolled her eyes. "Of course I speaking to you!" She
huffed. "What is with you bad-formed girls? Aiyaa!"
"Uh . . ." Ranma looked at his fiancee. "Akane-you know what the
hell this chick's talking about?" he asked, a drop of sweat on his head.
His fiancee, looking equally clueless, managed, "Well . . . ."
It was then that Ni Hai noticed Akane. The strange girl froze,
staring. Then her eyes went all starry.
"Aiyaa," she breathed, almost dropping the strip of nylon serving
as her weapon of choice. "Up close . . .so . . . so . . . so very . . .
kirei!" She took a step toward Akane, who noted the girl's behavior and
froze.
"Um, excuse me-why are you . . . ?!"
"What the hell . . ." Ranma muttered, then before he could blink,
Ni Hai shot forward--
--glomped onto Akane.
"Gyaaaaaah!" Akane screamed.
Ranma slammed onto the ground in shock while onlookers chittered
amongst themselves. Then--
"Perfume Bomb!"
Suddenly someone hurled a small glass bottle of something at Akane
and her, er, um, newly-discovered admirer. Akane saw it and managed to
roll out of the way, Ni Hai still clinging and cooing. Exploding just a
couple of feet away, the bottle released a pungent cloud of sweet-smelling
vapor.
"Aaaaaaah! Airen--what you do NOW?"
Everyone looked up as a another, somewhat taller female with green
hair pinned back with a huge lotus blossom, landed in front of her
targets, carrying a bucket.
"Paa Fuum . . ." Ni Hai murmured, finally noticing and suddenly
trying to look very kawaii as the other's smoldering gaze oriented on her.
"Airen! You forget so soon?" the one called Paa Fuum shrieked,
baring recently acquired fangs. "We are here on mission." She pointed at
Ranma. "Ranma Saotome, we challenge you!"
Hearing the word 'challenge,' Ranma's initial confusion quickly
vanished. "Oh, is that right? And just who are you anyway?"
"Ranma!" Akane yelled, glowing. "Get this girl off me!"
"But I comfortable!" Ni Hai whined, pouting.
"Argh!" Somewhat pissed, Paa Fuum reached into bottlespace and
pulled out a small glass spray bottle. Still frowning, she sprayed Ni Hai
with it.
"Uh . . ." Ni Hai moaned, suddenly compelled to let go. She rose
and stood at her companion's side.
"Spoilsport," she muttered.
Paa Fuum calmly yanked on one of Ni Hai's braids. "Stop! We have
business." Taking up the bucket, Paa Fuum threw it at Ranma, smacking him
right in the face.
"Oww!" He--or rather, _she_--whined, shaking the water out of her
red hair. "Hey, what was _that_ for?"
Paa Fuum chuckled.
"Now we fight the way we supposed to." Nudging her companion, she
pointed at Onna-Ranma. "Ni Hai--we attack!"
Ni Hai, however, hadn't budged. Puzzled, Paa Fuum turned to look
at her.
As she feared, Ni Hai was staring at Ranma, completely oblivious to
everything else.
"Ohhhh . . . " the girl breathed. "So very . . . _very_ much
kirei!" She leaped forward. Paa Fuum tried to grab her, but she was too
late. A second later Ni Hai had glomped onto Ranma--
--and smooched her. On the lips.
Ranma's body stiffened from shock.
Akane's large eyes were like two full moons. Meanwhile, the
onlookers were going crazy.
"Ah-ha! Did you see that!" "I knew it! I knew it!" "Man,
Saotome should be ashamed--with another girl, and right in front of
Akane!" "Humph! Shoulda known he was a--" "He's a dead girl, you hear me?
Dead . . . "
"Umpf?" Ranma managed, her heart thumping so hard it could've
burst from her chest, her pigtail twitching.
Then she felt it--the stirring of something
. . .
<Oh--my--god . . . >
Meanwhile, Akane was glowing so brightly she might have set the
concrete on fire.
"Why you . . . you . . ." She grabbed the nearest bench and threw
it at Ni Hai.
Ni Hai caught the movement and shoved herself and Ranma aside. She
frowned. "Do you mind? I busy."
Paa Fuum was twitching. "Should have known! That's it. I kill
her." With a flourish she leaped into the air.
"Hana Ken!"
Producing an over-sized lotus blossom from flowerspace (well, from
where else?), Paa Fuum sprang forward and swung it at Ni Hai, smacking
her.
"Oww! Meanie!" she whined.
Furious, Akane rushed her recently-freed fiancee.
"Ranma," she growled, collaring osage-no-onna, "you'd better have
a good explanation for"--then she gasped.
Ranma started glowing _bright red._
Clenching her teeth, Ranma growled, "Akane no baka--move!"
Then Akane--and the onlookers--had only a split second to obey
before Ranma released the Haze.
Onna-Ranma slumped to the ground, breathing hard.
<What the . . . How . . . Why did I do that?>
Coughing, Akane stared at her fiancee. "Ran . . . Ranma . . . you
. . you just . . . " <I don't believe this! The Haze works on _girls_,
too?!> Her large eyes traced the burned path leading from Ranma to some
trees several yards away. They'd been reduced to ashes!
"Damn! Those must be some hormones," someone muttered.
<Incredible!> Akane thought, reeling from the shock. <He--he
just--when that girl-->
"Well done, Son-in-law!"
Everyone looked up to see a familiar wrinkled visage staring down
from a nearby tree branch.
The Nyannichuan-cursed martial artist had recovered enough to
shriek. "Aaaaaah! The ghoul!"
"Grandmother Cologne!" Akane glared at the old Amazon. "I'll bet
you were behind this attack! What are you up to now?"
"Do not use that tone on Great-grandmother!" High-pitched Shampoo
appeared, followed by an entourage of strange women, who conferred amongst
themselves in Mandarin.
Akane gasped.
Smiling, Cologne continued, tipping a kettle of hot water over
Ranma. "You never cease to amaze me--I knew that given the right
conditions you'd use the Haze. That's just what the Joketsuzoku wanted to
confirm."
"Uh," Ranma began, switching back to male form, "Ghoul . . . did
you say . . . Joketsuzoku?"
Cologne nodded.
*Gulp.* "As in . . . the Woman Hero Tribe from China? _Those_
Joketsuzoku???!"
"Indeed."
"Chigau! No, not more of them! Nooo!"
"Would you stop that?" Cologne snapped, smacking him with her
staff. "From now on you needn't worry anymore, Mukodono." Her eyes
narrowed. "Especially not one who channels the Red Haze."
Otoko-Ranma froze. "Wait a minute. You . . . know about . . ."
"Of course I do! What do you think I am, senile?" Cologne growled
irritably, tossing her long white hair. "A month ago I saw you blast
Happi--and a good chunk of your home--clean away! I haven't seen that
kind of ki energy output in decades!" She patted Ranma on the shoulder.
"Groom . . . we have to talk."
At the Nekohanten everyone, including the newly arrived Joketsuzoku
warriors, gathered around Cologne as she pulled forth a scroll. She was
about the read when Mouuse walked in.
Paa Fuum, sitting with a (bruised) Ni Hai and excited Shampoo,
rolled her eyes.
"Oh no--Mousse! Why she here?"
Akane's jaw dropped. "SHE?"
Shampoo glanced over at Akane. "Ni Hai and Paa Fuum call everyone
'she,' even men. Never could break habit."
" . . . " went Akane.
"Have a seat, Mousse," Cologne instructed, then sighed as
Shampoo
made him kiss the floor for some reason or other. "Oh dear. Anyway,"
she continued, turning back to Ranma, "this arrived the other day.
Basically the characters read as follows:
'We, the Joketsuzoku, hereby welcome the one known as Ranma
Saotome, vessel of the Red Haze, into the Amazon tribe.'"
Silence. Then Ranma fell out of his seat, stunned. Akane
sat speechless, the two new Amazons smiled kawaiily, Mousse twitched,
and the rest of the Amazons cheered.
Then Ranma found his voice. "Uh, ghoul," he managed,
pulling
himself up, "did . . . you . . . say . . . that I'm . . . uh . . ."
"That's right." Cologne rolled up the scroll. "You, Son-in-law,
because of your--heh, heh, recently acquired power--are now a member of
the Joketsuzoku. Congratulations!"
"Hey, wait a minute!" Certain this was yet another of Cologne's
traps, Akane leaped to her feet. "That--that can't be right! You're an
_Amazon_ tribe. Women. Ranma's a--a guy!"
"Perhaps," Cologne countered, hopping over to her on her staff,
"but he channels the Haze. And according to our law, not only must he
become part of the tribe . . . but he's also considered to be a full and
complete woman!"
"WHAT'D YOU SAY?" Ranma's eyes twitched as he absorbed this bit of
information. "That's crazy! I'm a guy!"
"You got these"--Paa Fuum made a cupping gesture over her chest--
"when I splash you," she pointed out.
"And _she_--"Ni Hai grumbled, indicating Akane--"is likely very
interested in them."
Shampoo blinked, then stared at Akane.
Akane flushed red, and pointed at Ni Hai. "Hey! But what about--"
"Any Amazon can tell you," Cologne interrupted, "that no _man_ can
channel the Red Haze." Murmurs of agreement came from the Joketsuzoku.
Then she chuckled. "Though we all know Ranma's no ordinary man, eh?"
"And a cassanova and hentai to boot," a sullen Mousse grumbled.
"Well, you needn't worry," the old woman went on. "I'm sure the
entire tribe will agree to let you marry my Shampoo anyway." She winked
at him. "We know you're really a man, after all."
"Aiyaa!" cooed Shampoo, daydreaming about the perfect wedding.
Akane started glowing, and Ranma found he had a sudden headache.
<Oh god. Won't this old bat ever quit?> "Yeah, um, look, I'm, uh,
honored and whatever"--he stood up--"but I'm leaving. I get the feeling I
don't wanna hear the rest of this."
Cologne folded her arms. "You can leave, but this group of
Joketsuzoku warriors will be escorting you back to China."
"Back to China?" Akane repeated.
The old Amazon nodded. "Why, of course. He's an Amazon now--he
needs to be with his tribe." She smirked. Ranma may have pretty
much
declared his preference for Akane during that Phoenix-feather incident,
but the old one was stubborn. Besides, how did she know it all wasn't a
trick anyway? Ranma was one crafy--and stubborn--young man!
Ranma pounded his fist on a nearby table. "Oh, to hell with that!"
He resisted the urge to wince from a sudden painful spasm (While "in
phase," it was _never_ a good idea for Otoko-Ranma to get too pissed
off--he'd faint--er, pass out. Trust me: This condition can have a weird
affect on males, even half-males. ;) "I AIN'T GOING TO CHINA!"
"You so sure, Airen?" Shampoo cooed, eyes fluttering kawaiily at
him.
He faultered. "Huh?"
"You do not understand," the purple-haired Amazon continued,
sticking out her tongue at Akane. "You are part of tribe--you have no
choice. Besides"--she slinked up to him, making him *eep*--why you want
such uncute fiancee who beat on you like bongo?"
Ranma started sweating, very uncomfortable with her closeness
(well, Akane was right there!) "Uh. ."
*Wham!*
Akane had thrown the nearest table, missing Shampoo but not Ranma.
"Brute," he mumbled from the floor.
Akane jerked on his pigtail. "Would you please develop some balls
and fight these girls off?"
"Hey--I _have_ balls, thank you! And besides--guys don't fight
girls!"
"Oh?" Akane snatched up a pitcher of water.
"Gyaaah! You wouldn't!"
"Please do," Ni Hai cooed.
Paa Fuum instantly laid her out.
"Um, excuse me," Cologne interrupted.
"WHAT?" Akane and Ranma snapped.
Cologne sniffed. "I think it's only fair to warn you that it would
be best you comply, Mukodono."
"Yeah?" The Pig-tailed Boy sneered. "And why's that?"
The ancient Amazon chuckled. "Because if you don't, my little
Amazon 'granddaughters' here"--she indicated Ni Hai and Paa Fuum--"will be
forced to do cruel, unspeakably evil things to you."
Ranma yawned. "Whatever. C'mon, tomboy, let's get the hell outta
here." He grabbed Akane's arm.
"Baka," Akane hissed in his ear, "we can't just walk out of here--
who knows what Grandmother Cologne's plotting!"
"Get real. What 'evil' things could those two possibly do?"
Watching them go, Cologne sighed.
<I hate to resort to this, but we have no choice! My tribe's
getting impatient, and my poor Shampoo so desperately wants her 'husband'
. . .>
"Ni Hai, Paa Fuum." She waved them over.
"Yes, elder?"
The old Amazon bent closer. "Here's what I need you to do."
Part II: The Joketsuzoku 'Love Torture' ;)
The next morning Kasumi was attending Happousai, who was stretched
out on a pallet.
"I really don't understand him," Nodoka said, handing Kasumi the
basin of water. "He's a very wise and powerful old man, but . . . he
really should do something about his excessive lust!"
"Well," Nabiki quipped, "you've got to admit--your son's one
popular babe."
Nodoka gasped. "Nabiki!"
Outside on the porch Akane watched as Onna-Ranma dragged herself
out of the pond, followed by Genma-Panda.
<If I didn't know better, boy,> the Panda signed, <I'd say you fell
in there on purpose.>
"Yeah, well, think what you like, Oyaji," his son/daughter
grumbled, wringing out her pigtail. "Now get outta my face, will ya? I
ain't in the best of moods right now."
"Browgh," the Panda grumbled. <Ingrate! Is that any way to talk
to your own father?> He smacked his offspring with the sign--
--only to have Ranma retaliate by smacking him back, leaving the
howling Panda to hop about on one foot.
"Kuso oyaji," Ranma grumbled, sitting down and taking off her
shirt to wring it out.
Akane watched her fiancee out the corner of her eye. <Poor Ranma,>
she thought. These past few months hadn't exactly been easy for him. If
Kunou or Ryouga or _somebody_ wasn't trying to beat the hell out of him,
someone else was chasing him about, asking for a date! Ever since Ranma
had developed the Haze, his life had gotten even more complicated. She
sighed. <But it's not as if life were normal before. . .>
She watched as Onna-Ranma wrung out her shirt, feeling another of
those twinges of jealousy. <He actually _does_ look good--no--_great_ in
female form,> she admitted grudgingly. <But then his male form is pretty
nice, too, so it only makes sense. . .>
Suddenly she drew a sharp breath. What was she doing? Was she
sitting her, admiring her fiancee's _present_ form?
<What am I . . . > Strange. Before she'd mainly concentrated on
his regular form, but lately--well, Ranma _did_ have a tendency to stay in
female form almost as much as he did in male form. And he _had_ said that
he was becoming indifferent to being half-way male . . . .
<Why am I thinking like this?> she wondered. <Isn't it perverted
for me to . . . . And is . . . is it because of those two Amazons--Ni Hai
and Paa Fuum?>
There was something about those two . . . .
"Ne, Ranma."
Onna-Ranma glanced over at her. "Yeah, what?"
Akane cleared her throat. "Um . . . how . . . that is . . . how
are you . . . dealing with your. . . problem _now_?"
The red-head blinked, then flushed red. "Well
. . hey, Akane, is Ma out of earshot?"
Akane looked inside the house. "Well . . . yes, I think
so."
"Good."
Ranma took a deep breath. Then--
"Waaaaah!" She sprang over and sobbed into Akane's lap.
"Ranma! What--"
"It's these damn hormones!" Ranma whined. "They're driving me
crazy! And all these damn cramps, and having to . . . having to . . .
Kuso! How do you chicks stand those things? And then this jerk in the
store gave me the weirdest look--I wanted to kill him!"
"Uh, Ranma," Akane said, blushing, "you _were_ a girl when you got
those, weren't you?"
"Yeah," Ranma sniffed. "But still . . . he looked at me
weird."
"Guys tend to be uncomfortable about that sort of thing, Ranma."
Ranma thought a moment, then nodded. "Yeah, I guess, but it was still
embarrassing! And it still feels . . . weird . . ."
"Poor guy," murmured Akane. "Say, why don't you change back?
Isn't Grandfather Happousai still in that coma you put him in?"
Ranma shrugged. "He'll probably snap out of it today, but he should leave
me
alone for a while."
Akane motioned her inside. "Sort of makes you want to get rid of
your curse, doesn't it?"
"Humph." Ranma leaned against the kitchen wall. "I'm starting to
think it wouldn't help."
"Hmm." Filling the kettle with water, Akane regarded her fiance
out the corner of her eye.
"Ranma?"
"Yeah?"
She set the kettle on the stove. "I . . . know it's been hard for
you these last few weeks, with this Haze thing--and all those idiots at
school."
"Huh--tell me about it!" Suddenly Ranma perked up. "I mean, geez!
But that's what I get for being gorgeous."
Akane rolled her eyes. <Argh! That ego . . . > "I guess. And
what about those two Amazon girls--Ni Hai and Paa Fuum? I wonder what
they'll be up to."
"Feh. They're from the ghoul's tribe, so they probably plan to
give us hell. But one thing's for sure--I ain't going back with them to
China. No way."
"Oh? Not even to visit Jusenkyou?"
Osage no onna thought for a moement. "You notice I _never_ had any
luck with Jusenkyou? Besides," Ranma continued, winking, "why risk
damaging this gorgeous body of mine? You'd be a spinster for sure!"
For a moment Akane paused. Then she snorted. "Why do I put up
with you?"
Ranma managed a kawaii grin. "You don't know?"
Akane blushed. "Well . . ." <He really is cute when he's not
being a jerk,> she thought.
That night Akane lay awake, deep in thought.
<He really is cute when he's not being a jerk . . . .>
And Ranma was in girl-mode no less.
<This doesn't make any sense,> Akane thought, fluffing her pillow.
<Ever since this Haze thing--I've been . . . noticing his cursed form!
What's wrong with me? Am I . . . hentai? But--Ranma's a guy, isn't he?>
She thought about that time they were in the cave, back when the
Love Bug had trapped them underground. Ranma had been female then, and
Akane clearly remembered how . . . safe she'd felt. And Ranma _hadn't_
tried to take advantage of her then, and never had. And when Akane had
asked to lean on _her_ shoulder, Ranma had acted as if he were more
worried about Akane's feelings than his own.
*I only wanted the Jusenkyou water for your sake, Akane.*
<Ranma, did you mean that? If so . . . can it be that . . . that
you really _don't_ care about your curse anymore . . .>
<That _she_ really is . . . you . . . ?>
She closed her eyes. There. She'd thought what she'd stubbornly
tried to avoid doing for the longest time. Ranma's strange affinity for
his cursed form--it was something she'd never really spoken with him
about.
And if he'd hadn't developed the Haze, she might never have
considered doing so.
<Ranma, how do you feel about _me_ . . . when you're like that?>
Then she tingled with ki.
"This is ridiculous!" she exploded, sitting up in bed. "What am I
thinking? These lousy hentai thoughts--if that jerk had only been normal
in the first place, I'd never--I'd never--"
In frustration she clutched at her wrist . . . and felt it.
She glanced down.
The gold bracelet--the very one for which Onna-Ranma had, ahem,
performed before the whole student body--was on her wrist, as it had been
ever since Ranma had given it to her.
Tears welled up in her large eyes.
<He--she--won this . . . for me . . .>
Caressing the bracelet, she wondered.
<Ranma, is it . . . is it possible that I can . . . .>
She couldn't wait any longer. She _had_ to know.
At the Nekohanten Shampoo huffed, impatient.
"Great-grandmother, are you _sure_ about this?"
"Trust me, child," Cologne answered. "It's the only way. And
don't worry--Paa Fuum will go along to make sure Ni Hai, ah, doesn't get
too carried away."
"Humph," The purple-haired Amazon folded her arms. "I still do
not approve of their methods. I like my Little Sister villagers, but
. . but I never could understand why they bicker like an old married
couple."
Cologne sighed. <Shampoo, sometimes you are _so_ naive.> "Pray
that they succeed, granddaughter. Our warriors are anxious to return to
China, and we can't afford to lose!" She smiled. "And Groom will make
such a wonderful husband for you."
Shampoo went all starry-eyed. "You are sooooo right."
That night Ranma decided to take a bath.
<Man, I'll be glad when this Haze thing is over,> Otoko-Ranma
mentally grumbled as he soaked. <Not that I mind the added ki-power, but
. . geez, how do chicks _stand_ it? OK, maybe all of 'em don't Haze,
but . . . damn! And they think _testosterone_ is a pain?>
He lay back, enjoying the feel of the steam against his body,
soothing his aching form . . . .
Then something bubbled in the water before him. "Huh?" He
sat up,
startled, then freaked out as a soaking-wet, giggling, and naked female
rose out of the water.
"Oh my god! Sh-Shampoo--is--is that you?"
"No, Kirei." The steam cleared a bit to, ahem, reveal Ni Hai.
Smiling kawaiily, she waved.
"Gyaaaaaah!" Hysterical, Ranma leaped out, grabbed the nearest
bath-towel, and plastered himself against the wall. "You--you're that
huggy-feely Amazon chick--Ni Hai!"
"Uh-huh."
"H-how'd you get in here?! Whaddaya want?"
Ni Hai climbed out and casually grabbed the nearest shower head.
"Oh, just this." With that she promptly sprayed Ranma.
Onna-Ranma scowled at her. "What was _that_ for?" Then she
*eeped* as Ni Hai slinked toward her.
"Uh . . . Ni Hai . . . why are you . . ."
Cooing, Ni Hai held up a finger. "Shush. No talk. Be pleased to
stand there and be--"she fluttered her eyes--"kirei." Then she snuggled
up against her.
Suddenly Ranma felt veerrry uncomfortable. "Uh, uh, Ni Hai . . . "
*Knock, knock!* "Ranma?" Akane's voice! "Ranma, I heard you
yell. What's wrong?"
"Go 'way, please," murmured Ni Hai dreamily.
Outside Akane frowned. "Ranma . . . is someone in there with you?"
Sweating, Ranma wondered if she should dare speak. <If the tomboy
finds me in here . . . with this girl . . . like this . . .>
Then she felt a strange stirring in her body. Her eyes
widened.
<No way . . . . Not again!>
"Uh, Ni Hai, get off me," Ranma insisted.
"Umm, but I so comfortable," Ni Hai breathed.
The tingling intensified. Ranma squirmed. "Ni Hai," she warned,
"I mean it. Get outta here!"
The Amazon pouted. "But--" Then she drew back slightly, and
gasped.
Meanwhile, Paa Fuum, hiding outside the window, clenched her fist.
"Ni Hai, you . . ." Why in hell did she agree to this? She rose
to her feet.
By now Akane's curiosity had gotten the better of her. "That's it!
I'm coming in." Knowing her fiance never locked the door, she slid it
open, stepped in, and halted in her tracks.
There was Ranma--backed up against the wall with an equally
uninhibited female.
And glowing bright-red.
"Get off him!" Akane yelled, shoving the stunned Ni Hai aside.
It was just in time, for a split second later Ranma released a
blast of energy that blew out the bathroom window, narrowing missing Paa
Fuum.
Stunned, Paa Fuum thought there should be a change in plan.
Akane spied her. "Paa Fuum!"
Grinning nervously, Paa Fuum grabbed Ni Hai by the arm. "Nihao--
Shaishen! We go now!" And she dragged her protesting Airen away.
Meanwhile Ranma and Akane could hear them arguing in Chinese.
"But I was sooo close!" Ni Hai whined.
"Argh! Grandmother Cologne said 'close,' but not _that_ close!"
screamed Paa Fuum, chasing after her with some Perfume Bombs.
Onna-Ranma froze as Akane stared at her. Then silently Akane slid
the door shut behind her and locked it.
Certain she was as good as dead, Ranma "promise posed."
"Um . . . look, Akane, it's wasn't my fault! That girl--s-she
just popped up! And then--she grabbed me. And then--and then--"
Akane stepped forward.
Ranma saw the beating of the century (or a slow, painful death,
whichever came first) in her future.
"Ok, go right ahead," Ranma snapped. "What just happened looked
real bad, and I know you probably won't listen to me, so why try? Just go
right ahead and kick my ass. Go on!"
She braced herself.
Instead, she felt Akane taking the towel and wrapping it around
her.
Ranma opened one eye. "Wha--"
The red-head looked over to see Akane studying the hole the ki
blast had made.
Scratching her head, Ranma managed feebly, "Gee, sorry about that.
I, um, couldn't hold back." <OK, this is weird. She ain't tried to kill
me _yet?!_>
Then Akane's large eyes turned to regard her fiance. "Ranma . . .
you tried to Haze that girl again, didn't you?"
"Well . . ." This was completely unexpected. "Well . . . I . . .
yeah."
"Why?"
"Uh, geez, dunno. I guess . . . I didn't want her touching
me."
"Umm." Akane bit her lip. "Because she was a girl?"
Ranma blinked. Now this was really getting weird! "Ah . . . "
"Just answer the question, Ranma."
Ranma looked away, absently flexing the fingers on her right hand
in her nervousness.
"I . . . don't wanna say."
"Why not?"
Ranma's large blue eyes regarded her. "Don't you got enough
reasons to call me 'hentai?'"
Akane swallowed. She sat at the edge of the bathtub and patted the
spot next to her.
Still a little suspicious, Ranma complied.
It was a long moment before either girl spoke.
"Ranma," Akane
began, glancing up shyly, "those two Amazons are sort of . . . unusual,
aren't they?"
"Unusual? Howzat?"
Her fiance shrugged. "Well . . . I heard one of them call the
other 'Airen,' just like Shampoo calls you." She paused. "And then that
girl Ni Hai was in here cuddling up to you."
Ranma yawned. "So?"
Akane's eyes shrunk to pinpoints. "So . . . I think they're . . .
well . . . "
"Hold it. You think they're a . . . couple?! Hentais?"
Akane glanced up sharply. "I wouldn't be so disparaging if I were
you."
"Huh? But--" <Man, did she hit her head or something?!> "B-b-but-
-"
"I mean," Akane suddenly became interested in the ceiling, "look
at us. We . . . half-way qualify, too, don't we?"
Ranma opened her mouth to protest, then thought about it. "But
. . I'm . . . "
"A guy. Yes, I know. But let's face it: I don't think you are
_all the time._" She tapped Ranma's forehead for emphasis.
Ranma pinched herself. Ouch! No, this wasn't a dream. "But
. . I mean . . . how can you say that? I know I have the Haze now, but
. . "
Akane eyed her askance. "Oh, don't tell me _you're_ still in
denial--eh, Little Egypt?"
"What?"
Akane got up and wiggled her hips around.
Ranma blushed deep red. "I was trying to win the fight--leave me
alone," she muttered, pouting.
"And even if that weren't so," Akane continued, rubbing her hands,
"'she'--Akane indicated a glittering gold object on her wrist--"won me
this at that ball a few weeks ago. And that was really . . . sweet."
Distracted, Ranma grinned. "You're wearing it!"
"Duh, Ranma no baka, of course I am. I've worn it since you gave
it to me. You just never noticed."
"Oh." Ranma shrugged shyly. "Hey, you . . . remember that scarf
you knitted me that one Christmas?"
"Yeah?"
"I still have it, you know. I keep it in a special place."
"Really? Where?" She looked Ranma up and down. "I don't see it
anywhere."
Ranma fell off her perch.
Akane giggled. "Gotcha!"
"Meanie," her fiance muttered, sitting cross-legged on the floor.
"Anyway, I have to admit--even though I get annoyed with your
behavior, I guess . . . it's not so bad. I mean, deep down I know you're
not really a cassanova." She quirked an eyebrow. "Or a floozie."
"Well--you should know!" Ranma ran a hand through her red hair.
"I don't get--why does everyone think the worst of me?"
Akane's eyes shrunk to pinpoints. "Honestly! Do you really not
understand how people react to the things you do?!"
"I'm just being me!" Ranma retorted.
"Whatever." Akane groaned.
"Besides," Ranma went on, "what's it matter anyway? They're
probably just jealous. And mad 'cause I don't want any of them. And come
to think of it"--she looked up at Akane--"I guess it's only natural
_you're_ in love with me: I'm strong, handsome"--she looked down at
herself--"beautiful, and . . . the greatest martial artist on the face of
the earth." She winked. "You're so lucky, baby."
"Now wait--you make it sound like _I_ like you or something,"
Akane pointed out, amused but hiding it behind a frown.
Her fiance spread her hands. "You don't gotta admit to it--I
_know_ it."
"Typical guy," Akane huffed. "Doesn't 'she' teach you anything?"
Ranma's eyes made that squelchy noise as she blinked. "Like what?"
Defeated, Akane slumped over. "Never mind."
The two sat in silence a moment longer. Then, her heart
pounding,
Akane spoke again.
"So, Ranma . . . you tried to Haze that girl because . . . you
didn't like _her_ . . . near you?"
The red-head slowly nodded. "Yeah . . . I mean, I don't know her,
and . . . she just ain't the right person . . . for me. Not like . . . "
But Ranma couldn't finish. Instead, she blushed.
So did Akane. "I see." Absently she felt the bathwater. "Uh-oh.
Your water's cold. Guess I'd better let you get back to your bath." She
rose, then bent down and squeezed Ranma's hand.
Their eyes met. Then--
"Um . . . Ranma . . . have you . . . ever wanted . . . to . . . um,
well . . . kiss me?" Akane blurted out.
*Ba-dump, ba-dump* went Ranma's heart. "K-k-kiss . . . you?!"
Akane dropped her gaze. "Well . . . yeah! I-I mean . . . it's
weird. The thought just"--she swallowed as her pulse accelerated--
"entered my head, and you know we've never really . . . I mean, we've
started dating, but we haven't . . . "
Ranma gulped. "Uh . . . uh . . ."
Akane quirked an eyebrow, then sat back down, folding her arms. "I
knew it."
Ranma frowned. "Knew what?"
"Oh," Akane said casually, "that you're chicken, that's all."
"What?" The red-head leaped to her feet and glared at Akane.
"Whaddaya mean 'chicken,' huh?"
"Honestly, Ranma, you do this every time! Just what are you afraid
of?"
"AFRAID?" <What's the big idea, insulting me like that?> "Maybe,"
Ranma snapped, bending closer, "I don't _wanna_ kiss you!"
"Oh really?" Akane looked up and fluttered her eyes.
Ranma faultered a moment. "Uh . . . yeah! B-because . . . because
. ."
"Because you _can't_ kiss!" Akane supplied, snorting. "Tsk, tsk.
And you're supposed to be soooo wonderful. Hah!"
That did it. "OK, you--" The red-head bent forward.
*Smooch!*
A moment later a yawning Genma-Panda roared his annoyance at
finding the door locked.
<Kuso!> Ranma growled. <*Sigh* Just when things were getting
good . . .>
The next day Souun Tendou was bent over, studying the shougi board.
"Your move, Saotome."
<Hmmm . . . .> read the Panda's sign as he also studied it.
Just then Kasumi walked in.
"Father, you'll be happy to know someone will be here tomorrow to
fix that broken window in the bathroom."
"Hmm? Oh, that's nice," Souun said, then did a double-take.
"Hold it, Kasumi--WHAT broken window?!"
"Ohayo!" Just then Akane came running in from her morning jog.
"Akane," Sounn asked frantically, "do you know anything about a
broken window?"
<Who cares about that?> the Panda signed. <Make your move
already!>
Casually Akane wiped away her sweat with her towel. "Nope. Not a
thing. So--what's new?" she continued, sweeping past them.
<Nothing besides that broken window,> Genma-Panda signed, then
sniffed the air. <You smell that?> he asked, then--
*CRASH!*
The patio door splintered, revealing a green-haired young woman
with a lotus blossom on her head.
"Gyaaaaaaah!" Souun shrieked, surveying the damage. "Not again!"
The noise brought the rest of the household.
"Hey!" Otoko-Ranma puffed, sliding to a halt. "It's that Amazon
chick--Toilet Water!"
Paa Fuum's battle aura flared up. "Name is _PAA FUUM!_ Argh!"
Somewhat pissed, she whipped out the bottle of perfume.
"Perfume Bomb!"
Paa Fuum's trademark attack blew yet another hole in the wall.
Souun fainted, leaving Genma to fan him.
"Time is up, Ranma Saotome!" Paa Fuum shouted, pointing at him.
"You must return to China or else!"
"Or else what?" Ranma countered.
Paa Fuum took a deep breath. "Then _I_ be next person in your
bath."
"WHAT?!" The cast members stared at Ranma.
"Son," Nodoka said sweetly, whipping out her katana, "please tell
me she's joking."
Kasumi sighed. "Your hormones again, I assume?"
"Ranma, you sly dog," Nabiki quipped.
"Uh . . ." the Pig-Tailed Boy groaned, twitching. He didn't doubt
Paa Fuum would make good the threat.
Then his eyes narrowed.
"C'mon, tomboy." He grabbed Akane's arm.
"Wait! Where are we--"
"No time to explain! Just c'mon, okay?"
Springing off, he made for a certain Chinese restaurant.
Part III: More Than They Bargained For . . . Way More ;)
"Yo--anybody here?"
The front door of the Nekohanten caved in, and Ranma, still holding
his fiancee, entered. It was dark and unusually quiet.
Fuming--but doing his best not to get TOO angry--Ranma scanned his
surroundings.
"Now--where they run off to?"
"Bodice Web!"
From a corner of the room something that looked like a bodice
changed to a net in mid-air and whipped straight for Ranma. Gasping, he
leaped aside as the strange net snagged the nearest table.
"Whoa!" He glanced in the direction the net had come from and
spied a frustrated Ni Hai pulling on a blouse.
"Damn! Even in that form you pretty fast, Flat-chest," Ni Hai
muttered. "Be still for once!"
"Never mind that!" piped in Akane. "Where's your partner, you
floozie?"
"Right here, cutie."
At the opposite end of the room stood Paa Fuum, followed by
Shampoo, Cologne, and the other visiting Amazons. Shampoo waved.
"Nihao, Airen!"
"Yo," Ranma called, then oriented on Cologne. "There you are, you
old bat!"
Cologne huffed. "My, you are _so_ rude!"
Akane grabbed his arm. "You mind telling me what you're planning
to do?"
"Just trust me, all right?" He cracked his knuckles. "I'm gonna
get these chicks outta my hair for good." He strode toward 'the ghoul.'
"Hey, I've come to give you my answer, ghoul."
"Really?" The old Amazon's saucer-like eyes lit up, and the other
Amazons chattered amongst themselves in Mandarin. "You've had enough?
You'll agree to come to China and become Shampoo's groom?"
"Yep."
<Say what?> Akane thought.
Shampoo, on the other hand, was squealing with glee. "Is true?
Oh!" She glomped onto Ranma. "I so happy!" Then she started kissing him
all over.
Akane glowed even brighter.
Cologne noticed Akane's reaction, but ignored her for the time
being. She hopped forward on her staff. "So--you'll accept your fate and
be done with it, eh?" Her eyes narrowed. "But why, all of a sudden,
Groom?"
"Well . . . " Squirming, Ranma got out of Shampoo's grip and
pulled a microphone out of microphone-space (wow, everything has a 'space'
in anime, doesn't it?).
"Before I go, I wanna get something straight," he announced.
"Okay, ghoul, tell me--ain't it true that under your Amazon law your tribe
considers me--female?"
Cologne frowned, wondering what he was getting at. "Well . . .
yes. But we all know you're a man."
"Of course!" Shampoo nodded.
Ranma got this crafty expression. "Oh really?" Wiggling out of
Shampoo's grasp (again), he dashed into the kitchen. A second later Onna-
Ranma appeared.
"Airen, what you doing?" Shampoo wondered.
Ranma leaned against the counter. "You know," she began,
"you
Amazon chicks are really something else."
"Come again?" Cologne blinked.
"Well, I didn't think even your tribe let girls marry each other."
Shampoo fell over. Cologne's face held a blank stare. Paa Fuum
and Ni Hai giggled.
Then Cologne found her voice. "What are you talking about,
Mukodono?!"
"That right!" Shampoo piped in, tugging on Ranma's arm. "Stop
being silly, Ranma!" She puther arms around her. "We all know you just
under influence of Nyannichuan curse."
"Hoo, boy! Then you haven't heard what I've been up to lately!"
Ranma recounted his--er, _her_--experiences since the onset of the Haze.
When she finished, her listeners were stunned.
"You willingly dated that Ryouga fellow?" Cologne whispered.
Akane twitched. "You did WHAT?!"
"I'll explain later. I swear!" Ranma protested.
"You bellydance at masquerade ball?" Shampoo asked, gasping.
Ni Hai sighed. "I wish I able to see that."
Paa Fuum smacked her upside the head.
"Faithless," she growled.
Loud murmuring arose from the other Amazons.
"Hold it" Cologne said. "That--that doesn't prove anything."
"Aww, what's the matter, ghoul?" Ranma taunted, sticking out her
tongue. "You don't know what's going on in my head. Geez, you really
think a _guy_ would do any of that stuff?" She batted her eyes. "And I
ain't even told you about the--harem I've got at school."
Shocked, Cologne almost fell off her staff. "H-ha-harem?!"
"A lot of guys are in love with Ranma at our school," supplied
Akane drily. "He gets asked out every day."
More loud murmuring. This time Cologne did fall off her staff.
Shampoo stood there with the most bewildered look on her face. Ni Hai and
Paa Fuum grinned kawaiily.
Onna-Ranma smirked. <Oooh, I'm screwing them over big time!> "You
know, come to think of it, I could go either way, too. In fact, do you
chicks really want a girl around"--she faced Akane--"who'd do . . . this?"
She sprang at Akane, and before the 'tomboy' could blink--
--Ranma kissed her. On the lips.
Half the room crashed to the floor.
Seconds later Ranma withdrew from a stunned Akane. "There," she
said. "Whatcha think of that?"
Then Akane smashed her into the floor.
"Hey!" the red-head mumbled. "Why'd you--"
"We're in _public_, you idiot!"
"Ranma, you . . . you . . . hen . . . tai . . . ?" Shampoo
whispered hoarsely before sinking to the floor.
Ni Hai and Paa Fuum scowled. They'd have to have a talk with her.
Meanwhile, Cologne was rubbing her temple.
"I . . . I think my tribe and I need to discuss this."
Moments later Cologne approached Akane and Ranma (who'd switched
back to male-mode). The ancient Amazon hopped onto the counter so she
could be on eye-level with them both.
"All right, you win, Mukodono."
Ranma frowned. Had he heard right?
"You're--you're backing off?" Akane said.
Cologne shook her head. "What can I say? You're got the rest of
the tribe thoroughly confused."
"Confused?" Ranma scratched his head.
"Yes. They're not so sure they want a--how can I put this?--a--
'shirigaru onna' as part of the tribe."
Ranma's ki flared up. "I ain't a 'shirigaru' ANYTHING!"
"Mind your temper, Ranma," Akane advised. "Well, what do you
know? Your floozie act saved your butt."
"I AIN'T A FLOOZIE!"
<I've got the worst headache,> mentally griped Cologne. "Anyway,
you're free to go, Son-in--_Former_ Son-in-Law."
"Former?"
Suddenly there was a loud shriek.
"What?" Shampoo's voice in Japanese. "Is you for REAL?"
"Uh, you two had better leave," advised the old Amazon. "My poor
Shampoo has a couple of bonbori with your name on it."
*Gulp.* "She's real pissed, huh?"
Cologne groaned. "Do the words 'Chinese Water
Torture' mean anything to you?"
Ranma winced. "Shit."
"Humph. She'll get over it," Akane said. "I hope." She tugged
on her fiancee's pigtail. "Let's go."
As they walked, Akane held onto Ranma tighter than she ever had
before.
"Um, tomboy, why're you so huggy-feely all of a sudden?"
Akane smiled. "I'm proud of you, you know. You finally developed
some balls."
"I finally--" He, frowned, thinking about it, then he understood.
"Oh, yeah. I get it. I'm a little offended, but I get it."
"Good." Then she kissed him.
Ranma's pigtail stood straight up.
"A-Akane, wh-what was that for?"
"Oh, so I've got to have a reason for kissing you?"
"No. I just assumed you wouldn't because we both ain't . . ."
Akane sighed. "Don't strain yourself, okay?"
They headed home.
*****THE END (for the time being, of course ;)*****
Author's Note: Well, another of my fanfics is finished--whee! I really
enjoyed writing this one (I'm a part-time oni, you know. ;)
And yes--Shampoo is out of the running for Ranma. Currently she's
deciding whether or not to return to China. In the meantime, she's _very_
pissed at Ranma for 'leading her on' all this time. *shrug*
Oh, well. Gomen ne, Shampu . . . .
Ni Hai and Paa Fuum will probably pop up again in a future fanfic. The
Joketsuzoku may have backed off, but that doesn't mean they still can't do
cruel, unspeakably evil things to him (or her) . . . .
Also, I want to explore the impact all this has on the other characters
(who know or find out). After all, not only is Ranma claiming womanhood
(even if it is just part-time) but he (and 'she') is in love with Akane!
Talk about earth-shattering news!
My next installment will be "The Ukyou Dilemma" and will be submitted as
soon as I can write it (Argh! Writer's Block!)
See ya! :)
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