Ask and ye shall receive.
Reviewers.
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Reviewers?
<pause>
Reviewers!!
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REVIEWERS!!!
<Rowan and Shadow finally appear>
Rowan: You called?
Where were you two?
Shadow: At the Private Bet of course! You wrote us in there remember!
Oh...right, that's all part of my secret master plan of course....
<Rowan and Shadow>: (Sarcastic) Of course.
Anyway....get to work.
<Snip>
"What do you girls do when Happosai shows up? Ain't I one of the first
t'try and shut the old fart down? Y'know, if I were a *real* pervert,
wouldn't I be taking *his* side? 'Rosh, Dais-man... you guys're always
askin' me if I've scored with any of these girls yet... and you never
believe me when I say 'No.' Who're the *real* perverts here?
"And don't think that just 'cause I turn into a girl I enjoy it. I
never have and never will. Even more so because people think I'm
weird just because of this... thing... that's so far beyond my
control that it ain't even funny.
"I don't need to tell you I wasn't looking forward to this little
exercise, even if it was all just play-acting. Because I sorta knew
it wasn't gonna stay that way. I mean, c'mon, Nabiki... look whatcha
forced Yuka to say in front of everyone here? If my experience here
at Furinkan has taught me anything, it's that people are gonna believe
the worst about ya. Yuka..." and he turned to her, "I'm sorry about
everything you had to say. I hope there aren't too many boys who draw
the wrong conclusions...
"Anyway, I give up. I can't save my reputation, but I'm tellin' ya,
there's no one on *earth* that's as awful as you've made me out
t'be... except maybe that old lech Happosai... and for whatever
reason, you all don't seem to mind him today. I'm tellin' ya, I'm
innocent of these and all other charges that have been brought up
today, but I'm getting fed up with being railroaded. If ya gotta do
the time, ya might as well do the crime, so I've heard...
"So, I'm giving you all fair warning: one of these days, when you've
forgotten about today, I'm gonna show you the pervert you all seem to
think I am. And you're gonna be so glad I'm not really like that."
Rowan: A truly memorable speech.
Shadow: I expected more wackiness from the trial though, perhaps a
parade of the fiancees as witnesses?
<Snip>
"Come on, Ranma-kun..." Much to Nabiki's alarm, a note of nervousness
was creeping into her voice. "Be reasonable, will you?"
"I think I'm being pretty reasonable as it is..." His eyes fell on her
manga collection. "Ah! Urusei Yatsuru... could I borrow a few issues?"
Rowan: Uh oh....
Shadow: That's Yatsura.
<Snip>
"Oh, my!" Her hand flew up to her cheek, and a modest blush colored
Kasumi's face.
But if Kasumi was taken aback by Ranma's odd gesture, the others were
positively stunned. It gave Ranma all the time he needed to vanish out
the door long before anyone noticed his disappearance.
At which point, Akane rose with a start. "Why that -- ! He... he left
without me!"
You know this one's going to come back to haunt him.
Shadow: The Blazing Blue Battle Aura of Death(tm) should be making an
appearance any time now.
Akane blinked, and stared straight ahead. She hadn't thought about
that possibility. And considering the run-ins he always was having,
it was a perfectly reasonable explanation. A tiny part of her, way
back in the back of her mind, berated her for always getting mad at
Ranma for doing things that, on closer investigation, made sense.
Shadow: Mind you it was a very small voice. And one easily ignored.
Now now...no need to antagonize the KOTTF.
It wasn't surprising that this angel-on-her-shoulder looked a lot like
Kasumi...
Rowan: Okay.....
..what was surprising was that she was blushing! From this morning?
Rowan: Now this is good!
Why... why, that... little... ! *He'd* done that!
<All>: *Snicker*
"Uh... Akane?" Sayuri's voice brought her back to reality. It had a
nervous tone, and both of her friends wore rather frightened faces,
as if she might have had steam coming from her ears.
Shadow: Like the mighty Xanth ogre Akane is trying to think, and having less
success then they do.
Rowan: That was mean.
Stop stealing from P.Anthony! I don't want to worry about lawsuits!
In fact, she had. All the steam still inside her rushed to her face,
heating it to an interesting shade of red. Her hand flew to her cheek,
and immediately her face began to pale, as she realized just how mad
she had gotten there. "Heh-heh... sorry about that..." Akane's face
took on a sheepish expression as she apologized to her friends.
Shadow: Baaaaa!
<Snip>
"Somebody call?"
Rowan: Ghostbusters!
And there he stood, as if he had just dropped out of the sky. It was
more than enough to make the three girls jump.
"Don't do that, you baka! You scared us out of our wits!"
Ranma just shrugged. "Sorry about that. But c'mon, Akane... you didn't
think I'd left you behind, didja?"
"That had crossed my mind..."
"Oh, now really..." he murmured, slipping an arm around both Yuka
and Sayuri, "how would my day be complete without our daily walk to
school, eh, girls?" He smiled at each of them in turn, as Akane's
face began turning red again.
Suddenly, both of the girls yelped and jumped away from him. It seemed
that Ranma's hands had slipped, from Yuka's hip to her buttock, and
from Sayuri's shoulder to her breast... and he'd given them both a
gentle squeeze. "There ya go..." he grinned.
Ooiiee......
An aura of pure rage seethed its way around Akane, wrapping her in
its righteous wrath. "RRRRRAN-MAAA!!" The mallet was hefted, and set
on 'kill'.
But he walked up to her, so coolly as to throw her off guard. "You
really shouldn't play with things like that. Someone could get hurt.
"Besides," and he was now inches away from her, "it wasn't like I was
gonna ignore you or nothin'." With one hand, he slid the mallet from
her grip and flipped it into the nearby canal. With the other hand, he
flipped her skirt up and reached inside her panties.
<Jaws hit the floor>
<The shark and the henchman are removed from the fic before they could do any
more damage>
The red haze disappeared with a 'poof' and Akane, now completely
stunned, let Ranma ease her down to her knees.
Ranma removed his hand from her panties, and waved it in front of her
face; she didn't blink. Satisfied that she was thoroughly dazed, he
turned to her two companions. "Make sure she gets to school on time.
I've got work to do, so I'll see you there, okay?" And giving them
both a wink and a leer, he bounded off in the direction of Furinkan
High.
Rowan: Did Ranma have any idea of what to do when his hand was in there?
Sayuri was still holding a hand to her chest. "WHAT... was that?"
Shadow: The new and improved Ranma Saotome.
Yuri could feel herself flush as she rubbed her backside. "I don't
know... but I kind of liked it."
The sound of maniacal laughter could be heard in the distance as
Sayuri stared incredulously at her friend.
Be afraid....be very afraid.
<snip>
<She'd enjoy herself.> Onna-Ranma almost sighed mentally. She let
her knees buckle, and dropped to the ground with a moan as Happosai
continued his ministrations. Her body jerked and twitched as he fought
back his rising gorge.
All at once, it hit her. "AHH!!" she cried out, falling flat on her
face - and right on top of Happosai. She bucked several times, rising
just enough to lift the old lech off the ground, before falling back
down - hard. Finally, when she rose up, he no longer held onto her.
Getting to her feet, onna-Ranma placed a heel on the old man's head
and pressed down, grinding it as if it were a discarded cigarette
butt. "Was it good for you, y'old fart?" she sneered before turning
on her heel and marching into the school building. She'd have to find
the janitor's closet soon enough, anyway.
Happosai lay on the ground in the middle of the now-deserted
schoolyard, staring up into the starry blue skies. He realized
the stars were his own invention only as he croaked out his response
to his long-departed partner. "Oh... yeah..."
ARRRRRRGGHHHH!!!!!
<Rowan and Shadow look quite ill.>
Rowan: Even to prove a point this is going too bloody far!!!!
Shadow: I've seen true evil!!!
And that's about as far as I can go (yes, sir!)
I *can* picture a conclusion where Ranma comes home to the Tendo dojo
and is either greeted at the door or is confronted in the guest bedroom
with Kasumi in an... er... interesting negligee (personally, I *like*
Gregg Sharp's theory, from "Ring of Toltiir", that her vapidness is due
to the efforts of reining in a triple-strength libido. Virtually >without
canonical basis, but an interesting and amusing theory >nonetheless), but
getting to the conclusion has proven logically >impossible.
For one thing, while he can shock most of Furinkan with his antics (and
he's already freaked out two of his fiancees),
<All>: You count Kodachi as a fiancee???!!!
there's a question of whether anyone will "get" the message
Rowan: Not a chance. You ask too much of them.
(That Kasumi might miss the point is acceptable; after all it's IC for >her,
if how she deals with the misunderstanding is not). Moreover, the >more I
think about it, the less likely it appears that Ran-chan will be >able to
complete the task at all; namely, that of freaking out ALL of us >fiancees.
Neither Shampoo nor I have ever called him a pervert (although I may
have given him a smack or two with my spatula if he got fresh... I
don't recall). Heck, that Chinese hussy would probably 'do it' right
in the middle of the schoolyard if Ran-chan asked her. And while I'm
not an exhibitionist like her, I certainly wouldn't rule much out when
it comes to being his one-and-only.
So it seems I'm stuck. And yes, I know I *could* leave Shampoo and
myself out, but it wouldn't seem *complete*, now, would it?
Shadow: Here's the thing though. Both of you want him with a ring around his
finger. I seriously doubt that if Ranma is going after every one of his
fiancees in Nermia without the intention of marrying just one of them they'll
start singing a different tune. Especially if Ranma's using Ataru as a guide,
once the harem idea comes up it's time to sit back and watch the fireworks. Of
course in a traditionally ironic Ranma 1/2 ending the girls could all go for
that idea and leave Ranma up the creek without the paddle.
Rowan: Or there's the chance that Ranma really does become a hentai, if he
finds that he actually does enjoy behaving like this.....
Is the world really ready for Ranma the lecher?
Shadow: I don't think so either.
<All>: Please continue this! Just no more going with Happosai!!!
-Shade
*$*$*$*$*$*
Nabiki stared at the screen, a look of
horror on her face. "Our lives depend on
Ranma proving that we're civilized enough
to join a galactic society. We're doomed."
-The Bet "Illegal Aliens in Nerima"
"So in exchange for his immortal soul I get the
chowmein, eggrolls, and TWO fortune cookies?"
"Yes." Surely no mortal was this stupid.
�It�s a deal!�
Then again, maybe he was.
-Private Bets "Shadow's Stone"
The girl smiled. "Welllll... Do you remember Yu-chan?"
Ranma thought back to the days when he was a young
scrapper. "Yeah, we used to play together, me an' Yu-cha--" Ranma's eyes bugged out with shock. "Oh no! You aren't..."
"SURPRISE!! It's me, Yu-chan!" the girl squealed.
"YU-CHAN!!" Ranma's eyes bugged out. "Didn't I have
ANY male childhood friends?!"
-Expansion Card v2.0
"Writing's like a battle, it's a dirty job
but someone's gotta do it!"
-Shade
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