ANIME DEATH MATCH
Inspired by MTV's Celebrity Death Match.

WARNING: Gratuitous Language and Extreme Violence will be depicted.  
Don't watch if it makes you queasy.

===================================

	[Scene: Two people sitting in a titanium tower overlooking a ring.  
Thousands of fans are cheering or booing.  The roar is continous, 
though.  We look to the two in the tower.]

?????: Welcome, once again, to the revived Anime Death Match.  I'm ????? 
Diamond.

A-kun: And I'm A-kun Daniels.  ?????, tonight's Anime Death Match 
promises to be a big one, as most of them prove to be.  We should remind 
readers that nothing and no one shown here belongs to us.  And one 
update that we should announce.  Because of the booking, the Kei vs. 
Shasti fight that was hinted at was pushed back to the NEXT episode.

?????: That's right, A-kun.  Now, for the match-ups.  We've got Nappa 
versus Wolfgang Krauser, Nuku-Nuku versus Brittany Diggers (aka. 
Cheetah) [Bombadil Goh's idea], Makoto Mizuhara versus Jinnai Katsuhiko 
and a tag-team match of Chichiri and Nakago versus Tamahome and 
Hotohori.

A-kun: And our title match, Marilyn Manson vs. Kodachi Kuno for the 
title of the most evil being in the world. [Kevin McHorney's idea]

?????: As usual, no one knows the stories behind these fights, so, once 
again, we shall explain them.

A-kun: Nappa and Krauser were BOTH invited to a party by friends.  While 
Krauser was getting some punch for his date, Panni from Fatal Fury: The 
Motion Picture, Nappa spiked the punch.  Panni got toasted on the spiked 
punch and promptly blew chunks on the carpet.  Krauser, understandably 
upset and embarrassed, found out Nappa had spiked the punch and well, 
it's lead to this.

?????: Nuku-Nuku and Brittany Diggers were good friends, but a small 
understanding has lead to this fight.  Unlike the other Death Matches, 
this one will be for the possession of this red purse [holds up an 
EXTREMELY nice red purse that would go with any outfit.  Super models 
would go into the Death Match arena just to be able to hold it.] and 
five years of unlimited Tuna.  The match will only be the submission or 
pin.

A-kun: Makoto and Jinnai have been best "friends" for years.  But, 
recently, Jinnai snuck into Roshtaria just to wedgie Makoto in his 
sleep.  Of course, Makoto was less than happy with Jinnai and has 
decided to end this once and for all.

?????: Chichiri and Nakago have joined forces because Chichiri is sick 
and tired of Tasuki's foul language and Tamahome's stupid attitude 
problems.  We know nothing more.

A-kun: As for Marilyn Manson and Kodachi Kuno, we just had to agree with 
Kevin McHorney.  It's too good to pass up.

?????: We go LIVE to Bombadil Goh for a fight evaluation.

	[Cut to Bombadil Goh is sitting at his new desk (which he purchased 
with his first paycheck) with Andy Bogard and Sagat who are sitting on a 
couch (also purchased by Bombadil's first paycheck).]

Bombadil: Thanks A-kun and ?????.  I'm here with Andy Bogard and Sagat 
from Fatal Fury and Street Fighter respectively.  Gentlemen, you've both 
been in numerous fights, winning a lot and losing only a few, so we 
respect your opinion.  Who do you think will win in this incredible 
first match?

Sagat: Krauser is a powerful man, but I think Nappa has a distinct 
advantage as he spends most of his time fighting or resting.

Andy: I have to agree. Krauser hasn't been fighting as much as Nappa.  
However, he, like most humans, have the advantage of being able to use 
his emotions to increase his power.  It might be close.

Bombadil: Okay.  Back to you guys.

	[Cut back to A-kun and ?????, who have just finished solving how to 
make Cold Fusion work.]

A-kun: And now to Setsuna Meiou in the ring.

				*RING-SIDE*  [FX: *DING*-*DING*-*DING*]

	[Scene: Setsuna is standing in the middle of the ring.  In the red 
corner, Wolfgang Krauser stands, ready to fight in his formal battle 
gear.  In the blue corner, Nappa stands in his standard outfit.  Both 
combatants near the center as Setsuna begins explaining the rules.]

Setsuna: No biting each other's groins, no queefing up a storm and no 
dancing with the Devil by the Pale Moonlight.  Now, LET'S GET IT ON!!! 
[leaps into the rafters followed by the sound of "Pi-ka-chu!"]

	[Nappa roared and leapt at Krauser, but Krauser was already behind the 
warrior.  Krauser smashed Nappa into the ground and shot a small ki bolt 
at him.  Nappa rolled out of the way and lunged at Krauser, only to see 
Krauser building up a Destructo Disk.]

Krauser: Krillin was nice enough to teach me this move.

	[Krauser throws the disk, scissoring Nappa in half.  His forearms and 
waist fell to the mat as what remained of his upper body kept flying.]

Nappa: HA!  I'm not beaten yet! [opens mouth, only to have an apple 
jammed into it, courtesy of Krauser] AAAAGGFFFFF!  
AAAAAAAAFFFFIIIIIIIIIIIT!

	***_MEGA-BOOM_***

	[Krauser is still standing and is wiping pieces of Nappa off of his 
outfit.]

Setsuna: The winner, Wolfgang Krauser!

						*THE TOWER*

	[A-kun and ????? have just finished solving the puzzle behind Neon 
Genesis Evangelion.]

A-kun: Man, that's just.... whoa.... Zen moment....

?????: To Bombadil Goh for a recap and an evaluation of the next fight!

	[cut to Bombadil Goh, who bursts awake from his nap.]

Bombadil: Sorry, sorry.  [notices Sagat and Andy are sleeping.] WAKE UP! 
[both fighters jerk awake] Okay, um, we kinda missed the first fight, 
but our choice for the next fight was...

Sagat and Andy: Cheetah.

A-kun's VO: Why's that?

Bombadil, Sagat and Andy: [drooling] HOOTERS!!!  WHOOOOOO!

Chun Li, Cammy, Mai Shiranui and ?????: [entering the studio] GRRRRRR!

Bombadil, Sagat and Andy: Uh-oh....

	[cut back to A-kun alone in the tower.]

A-kun: Well, um, on to the next fight.

				*RING-SIDE*  [FX: *DING*-*DING*-*DING*]

	[Scene: Setsuna is standing in the middle of the ring.  In the red 
corner, Nuku-Nuku stands, ready to fight in a tight fitting outfit 
that's quite similiar to Chun Li's.  In the blue corner, Cheetah stands 
in a tank top and short-shorts.  Both combatants near the center as 
Setsuna begins explaining the rules.]

Setsuna: No leaving the ring to get food, no interference from family or 
enemies and no teasing each other with empty cans of tuna.

	[Cheetah kicked a pile of empty cans of tuna aside.  It fell on the 
Great White Serpent, burying and suffocating him before he could dig his 
way out.  And the world of Fanfiction was a better place indeed.]

Setsuna: Now, LET'S GET IT ON!  [leaps into the rafters followed by the 
"baaah" of a goat.]

	[Cheetah and Nuku Nuku leapt at each other.  Only to find that they 
missed each other completely.  Nuku Nuku compensated for her speed and 
leapt at Cheetah again, only to get caught in Cheetah's flying 
clothesline.  They crashed to the ground and Cheetah proceeded to put 
Nuku Nuku into a sleeper hold.  Unfortunately for Cheetah, Nuku Nuku was 
a lot stronger than even the were-cheetah.  Cheetah found herself 
sailing through the air and crashed into the blue corner post.  She 
shook her head to clear it of the cobwebs only to find herself in the 
same sleeper hold that she had put Nuku Nuku in.  She managed to hip 
throw Nuku Nuku off and managed to get into a fighting stance before she 
got tackled by a rebounding Nuku Nuku.  Cheetah rolled with the tackle 
and threw Nuku Nuku off.]

A-kun's VO: It looks like Cheetah's on the losing end so far.  She's got 
to go on the offensive if she's going to win.

	[Cheetah lunges at Nuku Nuku and manages to duck a Nuku Nuku Punch.  
She performed a backflip, letting her feet strike Nuku Nuku's chin, 
sending the cat-girl staggering backwards.  Cheetah tackled Nuku Nuku to 
the ground, stunning Nuku Nuku temporarily.]

Setsuna: [landing nearby and counting] One...Two...

	[Nuku Nuku kicked Cheetah off and dashed at the were-cheetah, but was 
too slow to dodge Cheetah flying kick to the face.  Nuku Nuku crashed to 
the ground and received an elbow smash to the chest.  Cheetah pinned 
her.]

Setsuna: [counting again] One...Two...

	[Nuku Nuku grabbed Cheetah and managed to roll her off.  Cheetah 
launched a one-two combination at Nuku Nuku only to miss completely.  
Nuku Nuku slid underneath Cheetah and swept her legs out from underneath 
her.  Cheetah fell to her butt and was promptly slammed against the mat.  
She struggled against Nuku Nuku's titanium grip, but to no avail.]

Setsuna: [counting again] One...

Brianna and Gina: TUNA!!

	[Cheetah's eyes begin blazing with a new light of hope.  She rolled 
Nuku Nuku over and dug her claws into the mat.]

Setsuna: [counting once again] One...Two...THREE!  THE WINNER, BRITTANY 
DIGGERS!

Cheetah: WHOOOOO-HOOOO!!!!

						*THE TOWER*

	[A-kun nodding his head.]

A-kun: An incredible match.  Now, since my monitor shows that Bombadil 
and crew are still busy we'll just go to our next fight.

				*RING-SIDE*  [FX: *DING*-*DING*-*DING*]

	[Scene: Setsuna is standing in the middle of the ring.  In the red 
corner, Jinnai stands, ready to fight in his school uniform.  In the 
blue corner, Makoto stands in his school outfit as well.  Both 
combatants near the center as Setsuna begins explaining the rules.]

Setsuna: Now listen up.  You both agreed that the loser's side would 
become the domain of the winner's.  As such, this fight will be to the 
death.  Nothing more, nothing less.  Your opponent must be dead before 
you can leave the ring.  Failure to kill your opponent will result in 
your death.  Now, LET'S GET IT ON!  [leaps into the rafters followed by 
the sound a frat boy belching out the alphabet.]

Jinnai: So, Makoto, it's come to thi-URK!

	[Jinnai staggers backward as Makoto pulls his fist back.]

Jinnai: You HIT me!

Makoto: No crap, Jinnai!  This is to the DEATH. [punches Jinnai again.]

Jinnai: OW!  Fine! [throws a weak punch at Makoto, only to have Makoto 
dodge it and punch him back.]

A-kun's VO: It looks like Jinnai was completely unprepared for Makoto's 
willingness to fight.  And it also looks like he failed to prepare for 
the fight.

	[For the next eighty-three minutes, Makoto basically beat Jinnai into a 
bloody pulp.  Jinnai collapsed, allowing Makoto to break his neck 
without resistance.]

Setsuna: The winner!  Makoto Mizuhara!

Ifurita, Rune Venus, Nanami, Afura Mann and Shayla Shayla: YAAAAY 
MAKOTO!  [all dog-pile him and start tearing off his clothes.]

Setsuna: Someone bring ice water.  LOTS of it.

						*THE TOWER*

	[A-kun shakes his head and looks down at the mat again.]

A-kun: Huh....never knew.  It's so small too.  But it's probably been a 
few years since he had his appendix out.  As luck would have it, 
Bombadil and company have just finished.  Let's see if they can at least 
give us their choices for winners.

	[Cut to Bombadil who just getting up from the floor.  Andy is laying 
backwards over the couch and Sagat is being slammed into Bombadil's 
desk.  *TOGGGG*]

Bombadil: ooooh, I feel like crap...

A-kun's VO: Bombadil, can you at least give us your pick for the winner 
of the next fight?

	[Bombadil is tackled by the girls who have just noticed that he's still 
conscious.]

A-kun's VO: Ummm, nevermind.

	[Cut back to the tower.]

A-kun: Hope they don't hurt him too much.  Now down to the ring.

				*RING-SIDE*  [FX: *DING*-*DING*-*DING*]

	[Scene: Setsuna is standing in the middle of the ring.  In the red 
corner, Tamahome and Hotohori stand ready to fight.  In the blue corner, 
Nakago eyes his partner Chichiri, who waves to the crowd.  Both teams 
near the center as Setsuna begins explaining the rules.]

Setsuna: Okay, you've all opted to fight this as a non-tag team fight, 
meaning all the combatants in the ring at the same time.  Anything short 
of sex and tearing off each other's genitals with your teeth is fine.  
Now, LET'S GET IT ON! [leaps into the rafters.]

Nakago: Say Chichiri, why did you want to fight with _me_?  Why not 
Nuriko or some other person?

	[Chichiri just grins.  Only his grin looks more sinister.  Nakago looks 
at Tamahome and Hotohori, who are also grinning.]

Nakago: This is a trap, isn't it?

	[Chichiri, Tamahome and Hotohori all nod in unison.  They tackle him 
and begin beating the snot out of the arrogant warrior.]

						*THE TOWER*

A-kun: Ooooh, a brilliant plan by the good guys.  Now-

?????: Hey A-kun, what's up?

A-kun: You kinda missed three fights, that's what.

?????: Who won?

A-kun: Cheetah, Makoto, and in this latest match, Chichiri, Tamahome and 
Hotohori.  So what happened to Bombadil?

?????: Oh, we roughed him and the boys up.  Nothing that won't heal with 
their incredible recovery rates.

A-kun: [sweatdropping as that is an incredible amount of damage]  
Uh..... okay.  Let's go to our last fight.  Special referee Kevin 
McHorney is going to explain the rules.

				*RING-SIDE*  [FX: *DING*-*DING*-*DING*] [Song: "Inside Out" by Eve 
6]

	[Scene: Kevin McHorney is standing in the middle of the ring.  In the 
red corner, Marilyn Manson stands, ready to fight in the outfit he 
always wears during Celebrity Death Match.  In the blue corner, Kodachi 
stands in her usual leotard.  Both combatants near the center as Kevin 
begins explaining the rules as Setsuna always does.]

Kevin: Um... this is a match between evil, so everyone expects a lot of 
blood and gore and stuff, okay?  Um, so... be evil.  May the evilest 
person win.  Now, BEAT THE CRAP OUT OF EACH OTHER!  [leaps for safety in 
a neutral corner.]

Marilyn: I'm the evilest person in the world, little missy.  You aren't 
gonna beat me.

Kodachi: Oh?

Marilyn: I saw through your little poison traps and brought my own bag 
lunch.  You, on the other hand, missed MY little poison trap.

Kodachi: I didn't miss it.  Remember Rasputin?  I've taken some advice 
from him and built up an immunity to all forms of poisons and diseases.

	[Marilyn Manson leaps at Kodachi, but she leaps over him and wraps him 
up in her ribbon.]

Marilyn: Oooh, kinky.  Don't suppose we could just forget all this and 
go back to my place.

Kodachi: No thanks.  I've got a boyfriend.

Marilyn: Aw well.

	[Marilyn slips free and launches himself at Kodachi again.  Kodachi 
draws a gymnastics pin and pulls off the head to reveal that it's a 
collapsible Naginata (think of a spear, but replace the spearhead with a 
full length sword).  She swings it at Marilyn, who whips out a chainsaw 
and saws off the head, leaving it as a normal staff.  Kodachi smacks the 
chainsaw out of Marilyn's hands, then proceeds to use the staff to pound 
the singer.]

Marilyn: You know, this is starting to piss me off.

	[Kodachi merely smiles.  She notices that after a strong strike against 
Marilyn's left arm, the flat tip of one of the ends breaks, leaving a 
sharp point.  She uses it to impale Marilyn through the left side of his 
chest and pin him to the mat.  She grabs his chainsaw.]

Kodachi: _I_ happen to like some of Hanson's songs, I like Garth Brooks 
_and_ I'M A SPICE GIRL!

Marilyn: Lady, you ARE evil.

Kodachi: Thank you. [proceeds to turn Marilyn Manson into bloody 
firewood.]

Kevin McHorney: The winner, KODACHI KUNO!

						*THE TOWER*

A-kun: An AWESOME fight!  And, we know, once and for all, who's the 
evilest person in the world.  It's Kodachi.

?????: And since Nakago is dead, no one can argue.

A-kun: Oh yeah.

?????: I'm ????? Diamond,

A-kun: And I'm A-kun Daniels, saying "Good Fight,"

?????: And "Good Night."

===============================================================================================

	A-kun, Death Incarnate #235320-BA, Typer of Words (technically called 
an AUTHOR).  Reply at akun15@hotmail.com
	?????, Mystery Girl, Commentor on the Typing of Words (technically 
called an EDITOR {technically known as a pain in the ass - The Return of 
TharzZzy, the Umpire Strikes Out}).

	To check out older episodes, go to A-kun's webpage at 
http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/Island/3968/fanfics.html
	They're under Everything Else, but soon, they'll get their own page.

	P.S. Fanart is welcome if anyone wants to send us some.

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