On Wed, 17 Mar 1999 16:08:17 GMT kleppe@execpc.com (Gary Kleppe) writes:

Robert L Myers <slayernext@juno.com> wrote:

Just a little C&C

Kewl.

Well, my spell checker just seized up.  ;-�

On Tue, 16 Mar 1999 18:59:50 GMT kleppe@execpc.com (Gary Kleppe) 

writes:

..and writes and writes and writes.  He's the bloody Enegizer Bunny 

of

the FFML.

I'm a bloody bunny? Must be Lara's fault! :-)

Oh sure, blame her for everything.

<Snippity-snip-snip>

A vast sea of white surrounded her on all sides, with nothing else 

in

sight. She should have turned back long ago. The temple she sought 
could
be miles away -- if it even existed at all; only some written 

rumors

said that it did. She could have been in her hotel room by now, 
sipping
hot tea and savoring the delicious warmth.

"its delicious warmth." maybe, or are you refering to the room's 

warmth?

Both, really.

Then say both.  "...and savoring the delicious warmth of both."

*Damn it,* Ukyo thought. He was obviously telling her to turn back, 

that
she was wasting her time here. But, damn it, she was in the right! 
Ranma
had made a promise to look after her forever. She had a perfect 

right 

to
hold him accountable for it. That was justice.

Right now I'm thinking "Akane has a baby!"

She'd better not... they haven't been married for nine months yet. :)

Couldn't tell that yet.  There was no time frame and Ukyo strikes me as
one who would go searching for months.  Might have something to do with
how she was introduced, ya' know?

<Snippity-snip-snip>

It
shook itself indignantly.

You have two short sentences in a row.  Would they sound better if 

you

combined them?

Good idea.

They puppy part suprised me, I did expect a baby.  Maybe
Ukyo should have asked for Ranma's love instead.

Maybe, but she didn't have any grounds for that.

Actually she might.  Ukyo gave Ranma her love, it would be justice for it
to be returned.

Gah!  No, no!  Out, out damn story idea!  Ukyo turns into Ranma and
Akane's baby, growing up half remembering her former life.

Thanks for the comments!

Welcome.

Gary Kleppe
http://www.execpc.com/~kleppe/comics

SlayerNext@juno.com
When I have a little money, I buy some anime.  If I have any left over, I
buy food and clothes.

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