Why did the painful things stay in memory, while the happy times faded
away? She had had fun as a child, making okonomiyaki with her father,
playing with Ran-chan. But it got harder and harder to remember what
that had been like.

-------

This is not much of a comment, I realize, but that last sentence is... well,
let's just say it doesn't roll off the tongue as smoothly as those that
preceeded it.  Nothing really wrong with it, but it doesn't seem as well
constructed as the others.  Is that as clear as mud?
I probably wouldn't comment on it at all, but it's the first thing I found
that I didn't entirely like.  ^_^

-------

A vast sea of white surrounded her on all sides, with nothing else in
sight. She should have turned back long ago. The temple she sought could
be miles away -- if it even existed at all; only some written rumors
said that it did.

------

And, given that she'd found them in her cracker jacks....  ^_^

------
She could have been in her hotel room by now, sipping

hot tea and savoring the delicious warmth.

Yes, she thought, any sensible person would've turned back. But...

-------

But sensibility, being in proportion to how much the author does/doesn't
place the character on a pedestal.... ^_^

Oh, now I'm being mean.  O_o

-------

*Did you hear? Ukyo went up north looking for some legendary temple! She
didn't find it, though.*

*I hear she just gave up. What a loser!*

*Yeah. No *wonder* she's an old maid.*

Forward.

***

After long (minutes? hours? days?) of walking, a building came into
view.

-------

Well, there are a lot of ways to say that she doesn't know how much time has
passed, but that it feels much longer than it probably was... and a lot of
them are bad ways of saying it... but this sentence struck me as a little
odd.  Almost like the author has no idea what to write.

-------
It was a modest size house, with a wide, curved roof that covered

a wooden porch.

------

modest-sized house

Unless a size house is some unusual type of construction that I'm not
familiar with.  O_o

------

A large snowdrift blocked the front door. Ukyo grabbed the giant spatula

>from her back, and began shoveling. It probably wasn't the right place,

but there might be people stuck inside in need of help. Besides, at
least they'd be able to tell her where she was.

With the snow moved, Ukyo tried the door and found it unlocked. She
entered into a small room with no furnishings. The air wasn't really
warm, but less cold than the outside.

-------


this may be personal preference, but why not "She entered a small room".
It's assumed that this means she went into it, as opposed to around it or
something.  ^_^

-------

A somewhat pudgy, middle-aged man, dressed in simple robes, sat on the
floor. He was nearly bald, with only a thin layer of hair that Ukyo had
to look close to see. He gazed at her with an unreadable expression.

-------

Must be a foreigner... never could read anything foreign...  ^_^

-------

Ukyo bowed. "Hello! I'm very sorry to barge into your home like this."

"You are welcome here, young lady." Standing up, the man returned the
bow. "Not many visitors come here."

"Thank you." She smiled politely. "I came seeking the temple of
Seigisama. I'd heard it was up this way."

"You seek the Lord of Justice? For what reason?"

"A promise," she said. "A broken promise."

"Oh?" He stared at her with sympathy in his eyes. "Tell me more."

"My fiancee, Ran-chan." She felt anger and pain rising within her. "He
promised long ago to look after me forever. And now he's... he's married
another woman!"

-------

Did Ranma ever promise this?  Or is this Ukyo's imagination at work?
I suppose you're assuming something not explicitely stated in the manga.

-------

"Promised long ago?" the man repeated, turning the words into a
question.

"Yes." They had been children. Would the Lord of Justice consider the
promise of a five-year-old valid? But it didn't matter. "And again, just
last year, Ran-chan said that he would keep the promise!"

"Was the promise freely and knowingly given?" the man asked impassively.
"Without duress of any kind?"

"It- It was given!" Ukyo backed up a bit, suddenly feeling paranoid. Why
was the man taking *Ranma's* side? "What kind of question is that!"

--------

A question without a question mark, I guess.

--------

"Just checkin'. You know, she could be like... um, like Shampoo." Ranma
looked closer at the dog. "Hey, look at this collar!" Akane recognized
the characters printed on it.

"That's the same character that Ukyo wears on her shirt." Akane thought
for a moment. "That must mean that Ukyo must have sent the dog!"

-------

I've forgotten a lot of my grammer, and often write more by instinct than by
really knowing the rules.  But it seems to me that you could say "That must
mean that Ukyo sent the dog!" or "That means that Ukyo must have sent the
dog!", but what you wrote sounds wrong to me.  Or, to simplify things, just
say, "Ukyo must have sent the dog!"  ^_^

-------

"Yeah. That was nice of her to do. Y'know, nobody's seen her in a couple
weeks. Wonder where she is?"

The puppy yelped at Ranma, shaking her head up and down.

Ranma scratched his head. "Um... what's she saying?"

"I think she's hungry. Do you know what dogs eat, Ranma?"

"Um...." Ranma stared at the collar. "Okonomiyaki?"

Akane laughed. "Dog food, of course. You could never feed okonomiyaki to
a dog."

"Dog food, right. I'll head over to the store and buy some. Also a doggy
dish, and whatever else I think of while I'm there. Y'know, having a dog
is pretty cool. They're man's best friend, right?"

"It's also a lot of work. You have to feed her, take her for walks, make
sure she gets all her shots...."

"Yeah, I know that." Ranma patted the dog's head. "Don't you worry, li'l
doggy. I'll look after you."

And he did.


END



This was an attempt at a "one hour" fic -- though it actually took more
than two hours -- written in response an incident best not mentioned on
the FFML. C&C will be very much appreciated.

Seigisama is a made-up name for a made-up deity. If anyone has a better
idea for a name, or knows of such a god from actual Japanese mythology,
please let me know.


Gary Kleppe
http://www.execpc.com/~kleppe/comics

Neat!  ^_^  Not a bad short story, especially for two hours of work!