Miko Presents Galaxy Police Officer Operative A in:
You Only Die A Dozen Times
(a decidedly odd spamfic, with some decidedly odd crossovers)

Operative A is my favorite furry dead guy.  Nobody confronts
evil like him, and nobody dies like him.  That's why I've
written this series of short fan-fics, to show him confronting
evil of all types, and dying.

Disclaimer:  This is a work of fan fiction, these characters aren't
mine, etc.

Overall theme music:  Exquisite Dead Guy, They Might Be
Giants

**Episode One:  Operative A vs. Kain (The Classic!)**


        Energy blasts rained down on Kain.  He glanced up,
irritated.

        "Pathetic," he said as he rose to meet his new opponent.
A furry humanoid in a familiar uniform confronted him.

        "Well," Kain said, "a survivor form the Galaxy Police
Force.  What magnificent skill you have shown in tracking me
all the way here."

        He ripped the massive energy weapon away, taking
Operative A's arm in the process.  His hand closed into a fist
about the the officer's neck and body.

        "I'll get you, Kain, if it's the last thing I do!" Operative A
screamed.

        Kain squeezed.  "Aaaaaigh!" Operative A screamed.
Moments later, is severed upper torso was flung across the
floor....


**Episode Two:  Operative A vs. Darth Vader**


        Darth Vader stepped forward, his blood-red lightsaber
held before him.

        "A survivor from the Rebel Galaxy Police Force?" he
rasped.  "What magnificent skill you have shown, to track me
all the way here!  Sadly, I must inform you that I am not your
father... but if you join me, we can rule the galaxy together!"

        "I'll get you, Darth Vader, if it's the last thing I do!"
Operative A growled.  He swung his yellow lightsaber in what
would be a killing blow.

        "Aaaaaigh!" Operative A screamed, as Darth Vader's
saber cut him in half.  His severed upper torso was flung across
the floor....


**Episode Three:  Operative A vs. Ghengis Khan**


        "You will die," the Khan of Khans exclaimed, drawing his
scimitar.

        "I'll get you, Khan, if it's the last thing I do!" Operative A
cried, drawing his weapon.

         The Khan raised his sword, and thirty horsemen with
recurve bows let their arrows fly.

        "Aaaaaigh!" Operative A exclaimed, as his pin-cushioned
body was flung across the steppes.


**Episode Four:  Operative A vs. The Wicked Witch Of The
West**


        "Ep-pe, pep-pe, kak-ke!" the witch exclaimed, standing on
her left foot.  She was wearing a strange-looking golden cap.

        Operative A drew his super-soaker.

        "Hil-lo, hol-lo, hel-lo!" she continued, standing on her
right foot.

        "I'll get you, wicked witch, if it's the last thing I do!"
Operative A screamed.

        "Ziz-zy, zuz-zy, zik!" the witch cried out, flat-footed.  The
skies darkened, and there was a thundering sound created by
the rush of wings, combined with a great chattering and
laughter.

        "And your little dog Toto too!" Operative A added, as he
pulled the trigger.

        "Hey!  That's my line!" the witch exclaimed.  A hoard of
winged monkeys surrounded her, shielding her from the blast
of water.  A group broke off and attacked the Galaxy Police
Officer.

        "Aaaaaigh!" Operative A screamed.  Half of his body flew
across the floor....


**Episode Five:  Operative A vs. Dennis Rodman**


        Dennis Rodman was wearing a lovely, lace-trimmed
wedding dress.

        "So you tracked me all the way here," he said.  "That's
supposed to impress me?"

        "I'll get you, Worm, if it's the last thing I do!" Operative A
screamed.

        The tattooed athlete kicked Operative A in the groin while
grabbing a loose basketball.

        "Aaaaaigh!" Operative A screamed.  Half of his body flew
across the floor....


**Episode Six:  Operative A vs. Barney**


        "You found me!" Barney exclaimed.  "That was very good
work!"

        "I'll get you, Barney, if it's that last thing I do!" Operative
A screamed.

        Barney hugged Operative A.  "I love you," he said.  "You
love me."

        "Aaaaigh!" Operative A screamed.  Half of his body flew
across the floor....


**Episode Seven:  Operative A vs. The Grinch**


        Everybody liked Galaxy Policemen a lot,
        But the grinch, the old Christmas-time thief, did not!
        He hated the Galaxy Police with a passion!
        Now, please don't ask why -- in this fic, it's the fashion.
        I could say that his heart was two sizes too small,
        But you know that already, if you know things at all.

        Operative A drew his plasma raygun with a sneer,
        Aimed it straight at the grinch, as he said, "I am here!"

        "So, you've tracked me across all the vast, starry waste!"
        The grinch said, "But beware, for it's now ME you face!"

        "I'll get you!" the Galaxy Officer cried,
        "I'll get you!  I'll get you, before I have died!"

        He fired a shot, which the grinch dodged with poise,
        But oh, the terrible, horrible noise!
        "I hate it!" the grinch cried, "I hate it a lot!"
        "All that NOISE! NOISE! NOISE!  It must end, 'ere I'm
shot!"

        Then he got an idea!
        An awful idea!
        THE GRINCH
        GOT A WONDERFUL, AWFUL IDEA!

        "I know just what to do!" The Grinch said with a gloat.
        "I'll strangle the man, with my hands 'round his throat!"

        He strangled the operative, just as he'd schemed!
        "Aaaaaigh!"  The Galaxy Police Officer screamed!

        His face, although furry, began turning blue,
        And for some unknown reason, he split clean in two.
        One half of his body was flung 'cross the floor,
        And thus ends my tale, for I know nothing more.


**Episode Eight:  Operative A vs. Pixy Misa**


        "Oh ho ho ho ho!" Pixy Misa laughed evilly.  "Are you
looking for me, little boy?  I"ll give you a beating you won't
soon forget!"

        "I'll get you, Pixy Misa, if it's the last thing I do!"
Operative A screamed.

        The blonde girl in the leather dress began to spin about.
"Pixy Sexual Fire Bomber!" she exclaimed, releasing a
massive blast of flaming energy.

        "Aaaaigh!" Operative A screamed, as half his body flew
across the floor....


**Episode Nine:  Operative A vs. Damamaru**


        "So!" the mighty warrior Damamaru exclaimed.  "You
have tracked me all the way here!  How foolish of you -- now
that I have this magnificent mechanical body, created by
blacksmith Tony, I am invincible!"

        "I'll get you, Damamaru, if it's the last thing I do!"
Operative A screamed.

        "Screaming light beam!" Damamaru yelled, and a brilliant
beam of light erupted from his chest.

        "Aaaaigh!" Operative A screamed.  "Wha... I'm still
alive?"

        "Not for long!" Damamaru exclaimed.  "Rapid machine
gun!"  Hot lead spewed from his forearms.

        "Ultra bomb!" he yelled, and a rocket was launched from
his groin.

        "Damamaru super alloy kick!" he exclaimed, kicking at
the Galaxy Police Officer.

        "Mecha Roshi!" Damamaru called out.

        A diminutive mecha-bird screamed down from the skies.
It landed at Operative A's feet and began to peck at his toes.

        "Damn that blacksmith Tony!" the mechanized warrior
said.  "I thought he'd fixed that!  Well, I still have the finger
water squirt gun!"  He pointed his finger at Operative A, and a
small stream of water shot out, soaking Operative A's shirt.

        Operative A glanced down at himself.  "I'm... I'm still
alive!" he exclaimed, although a tiny faux bird was still
pecking at his foot.  He looked back up and glared at
Damamaru, then drew his police blaster.

        "You're too incompetent to defeat even someone with my
bad luck," Operative A growled, taking aim.

        The round knob in the center of Damamaru's helmet
extended forward a foot.  Damamaru gripped the metal
cylinder and withdrew an energy sword, seemingly from his
forehead.

        Operative A fired.  Damamaru tripped, and the shot sailed
over his shoulder.  His energy sword flew up in the air, flipped
end over end, and fell back, burying itself in his head.

        "Defeated again?" Dormamaru exclaimed.  "Will I ever
advance enough ranks to get my three meals a day?  I,
Damamaru, shall regret this."

        He fell forward...

        ...and the sword, sticking out the side of his head, sliced
cleanly through Operative A.

        "Aaaaaigh!" Operative A screamed, as half his body was
cast across the floor....


**Episode Ten:  Operative A vs. The Spanish Inquisition**


        "I'll get you, Spanish Inquisition," Operative A exclaimed,
with little enthusiasm.  "I'll get you if it's the last thing I do.
Something like that, anyway."

        The cardinal in red robes grimaced evilly.  "Nobody gets
the Spanish Inquisition!" he declared.  "Our main weapon is
fear!  Fear and surprise!  Surprise and  fear!"  He paused,
assessing his words.  "Our TWO main weapons are... well,
never mind that.  Cardinal Fang!  Bring out the fluffy pillows!"

        Cardinal Fang produced two cushions and proceeded to
poke Operative A.

        "Aaaaaigh!" Operative A screamed.  Half of his body flew
across the floor....



**Episode Eleven:  Operative A vs. Doug Fin, son of
Azatodeth the devil**



        "I just want to make it clear," Operative A said, "that
throwing two villains from one goofy anime series at me is
really, really lame.  Does the author love the series that much,
or is he just a lazy researcher who can't think of any better
ideas?"

        "Shut up!" Doug Fin, the diminutive kid with the furry
ears, exclaimed.  "I am an Azatodeth devil, and we are the
leaders of all evil beings!  Know that you have disobeyed our
code, saying that you would kill Azatodeth!  For this, you must
die!"

        "No I didn't," Operative A said, "although, if it comes to
it, I'm sure I'd give it my best shot.  Look, the author's even
rehashing dialogue from the original anime.  How lame can
you get?  Besides, I'm supposed to be threatening to kill you!"

        "Shut up!  I don't care about story continuity!" Doug Fin
exclaimed.  "I'm just pissed because I didn't make the cut for
that Muyami fic.  I could really get into a battle with Mamano
Hunter Yohko, or Inu-Yasha, but no!  I have to fight you in this
stupid, plotless mess!"

        "I'll get you," Operative A said, obviously quoting from
memory.  "I'll get you, if it's the last thing I do... etc. etc."

        "Burn to ash!" Doug Fin exclaimed, tossing a wave of fire
at the Galaxy Police Officer.  Operative A didn't even bother to
scream.  His char-broiled body rolled across the floor,
listlessly.


**Episode Twelve:  Operative A vs. Microsoft Windows 98**


        "This program has performed an illegal operation, and
will be shut down," the dialog box said.

        Operative A became enraged.  "What?  But I haven't
saved yet!  Aaaargh!  I'll get you, you stupid operating system,
if it's the last thing I do!"

        The system crashed.  "Aaaaigh!" Operative A screamed.
Half of his body flew across the floor...

FINI


Miko!

On the field, Kasumi and Akane were sitting up. Their father hovered
over them, tears rolling down his cheeks and dripping from his chin.
"Kasumi!" He exclaimed. "My poor Kasumi! Tell them you'll forfeit!
Please!"
"Dad?" Akane asked. She glanced over at Kasumi, and froze.
The person next to her wasn't Kasumi. It was a young girl with short,
dark hair in a page cut. She wore a light yellow dress, and she was
looking very confused.
Akane glanced down at herself. She was wearing a red silk Chinese-style
top, and black pants. Her chest was flat and muscular. She reached
behind her head, and found the pigtail that she knew was there.
She glanced back at the girl next to her... at herself... at Kasumi, in
her body.
With Akane's voice, Kasumi said, "Oh, my!"
(Ranma 1/2:  Monkey Head Butting)

Nausicaa@sprynet.com  Belldandy@angelic.com
Anime RPG at http://come.to/akane/
Fan Fiction at http://listen.to/bell/