Commentary's appreciated; public or private, your choice.

Incoming!  :)  All comments strictly my opinion; comments
Gary Kleppe has already made are not duplicated (unless I goofed).

S'good.  It was late when I edited this, and I made a few more mistakes
then I usually do.  :)

    He would not, of course, ask if she was all right before
making sure Kasumi was, Nabiki thought sourly.  "No, Dad.  No, I
don't think she is."  The blankness in Kasumi's eyes as she lay
naked and violated in her bed came back to her, and how the light
had shone on Tofu's glasses so that they became opaque and hid 
his gaze.

{Yow.  Another vivid image -- we've seen this so many times in
the anime, and now it's sinister.  Will I ever see Tofu the
same way again?}

Dunno.  S'pose it depends whether or not Evil Doctor Tofu becomes fanfic
canon.  ;)

    "Window's locked, I guess," Nabiki said, hesitantly coming 
up behind her father.  

    He nodded.  His shoulders were slumped and weary.  In the
chair, Kasumi stared straight ahead at nothing, lips tight and
motionless.  Her eyes reminded Nabiki of the painted ones of
dolls.

    "Too small to go through anyway."

{Wow, he's depressed.  Shampoo would have gone right through
the wall, and Soun could too... couldn't he?}

Depends on how good you think Soun is as a martial artist.  I think he's
well below Akane, but so little is seen of his fighting in the manga
(beyond the Demon-Head thing) that it's hard to judge.  I personally don't
think he could do it.

    He said nothing more.  A divide, steep-sided and empty, had
opened between them.  Nabiki watched him walk to the chairs and
pull one next to Kasumi.  When he spoke to his oldest daughter,
his voice was pitched too low for Nabiki to hear.  Old wounds, 
the buried pain of never being able to have any real closeness at 
all to her father even as a child, throbbed anew beneath the 
scars lain over them.  Akane had been Dad's student, the follower 
of the Art.  Kasumi had kept his house.  What had she done?  It 
wasn't surprising, in the end, that it had come to this.

{A good point.  If one doesn't buy into the "Nabiki supports
the household" fanfic convention -- and I don't -- something
like this is almost inevitable, even in situations less dark
than this.}

This is my own personal view of why Nabiki turns out so different from her
two sisters; Kasumi's role is obviously her mother, Akane's her father.
Nabiki had no one to emulate, no one to feel she was the favourite of; this
is why she became the person she did.

    Nabiki ignored her and began to organize the disseminate 

{Isn't "disseminate" a verb?  "disparate", perhaps?}

Could be.  I'll check and see.

of her wine.  The wash of light in the cabin reflected not the
least in the solid black of her glasses.  There was a memory, on
the edge of Nodoka's mind, of what Yoko's eyes had looked like
when she'd removed the shading lenses - but something else held
the memory upon that edge, and would not let it cross over into
full recollection.

{Sometimes, the undescribed is more terrible than the described.
The Lovecraftian influence again...}

Ia!  Ia!

    How long a time lay between those words and the next Nodoka
could not have said.  Such a thing as time had ceased to matter.
When at last Yoko spoke again, it was so quiet that Nodoka barely
heard it.  The pale woman had turned her head away, and cupped 
her chin with one ancient hand as she stared out the window.  No
blindness there; Nodoka did not remember precisely what had been
beneath those glasses, but it had not been blindness.

    "Do not speak to me of grief."

{Ouch.  Why must you make us pity these evil ones?  (Rhetorical
question...)}

Because everyone except the totally insane do things for reasons, and I
believe in the Longfellow theory of characterization.  :)
   

    Unlike her sister, the forking maze of the future did not
lie open and comprehensible to her.  There was only immediacy for
her, and instinct.  There were chances, and only that.  For now,
she waited.

{Echoes of Lachesis, but, even more, of Verthandi.}

Eeyup.

    Tofu had not even noticed him, but he hid his shock well
enough.  "What--"

    Yamiko chortled softly.  A dank sound.
    
    "Eight men," Yoko said.  "Eight men bound to us.  It was
only appropriate."

{It was at this point that I realized who the fifth was.}

Naturally.  :)

    Oh, child.
    
    When she wrapped her arms around Nabiki's slim shoulders and
drew her close, the girl stiffened at first.  For a long minute,
Nodoka simply held her, and said nothing.  

    At last, slowly, Nabiki raised her arms and put them around
Nodoka.  She couldn't weep.  But she clung, desperately, like a
child, for a long time.

{I like your depiction of Nodoka's strength and emotionally
responsive nature here.  The spring steel (not the brittle stuff)
under the dotty-mother image is quite clear.  Applause.
The one thing I'm not sure about is whether she's that
perceptive, considering how long Ranma and Genma fooled her,
but it's not a major point, so I won't dwell on it.}

I liked Nodoka's personality much better in the early manga, before
Takahashi stops using her for angst and starts using her for humour.  This
has a certain influence on my portrayal of her.  -.-

    The dozen Circle members, bright and chaotic patches of 
colour against the dark clothing of the others, linked hands and
ringed Yoko and Yamiko.  Unagi and Tofu moved closer to the
prisoners.  Tofu gave the barest of grins to Kasumi, and Soun
snarled deep in his throat and almost started forward.  A soft
word from Nodoka checked him.

{Man, that must have been some word...}

Probably more than one, actually.  :)

    Soun raised his head from the ground to see the women
walking in an arrow shape towards the stream, his wounded 
daughter pulled along by the leaders.  Handcuffed or not, he was
going too--

{Maybe I'm just too nitpicky, but "arrow shape" means to me a
long line with a small wedge at one end.  "Arrowhead", "wedge"
(if the interior is filled), "vee" (if it isn't) or "vic" (if
you're a Brit) give a better image.  Up to you...}

Yeah, you're right.  Will change.

    A foot landed on the small of his back, not hard, but with
enough pressure to prevent him moving.  Unagi, perhaps ten years
older than him, looked down.  "Honoured mother of the shadows 
will not harm her permanently," he murmured reassuringly.  "Do
not fight or I will be forced to hurt you further."

{What a nice guy he is, for an evil minion.  :) }

Yamiko's observation was astute; he's basically a foot soldier who worked
his way up from the ranks.  Evil in the same way someone who'd beat you up
for your money is, only a much larger scale.

Not that it really matters, considering he's dead now.  :)

    Soun glanced over to his daughters.  Nabiki caught his eye,
and he looked away.  He could not bear to look at his middle 
daughter, now that he understood.  Oh, Nabiki, he thought
mournfully.  How could you betray your family?  The forgiveness 
of that did not yet lie within him, and he hated himself for
that.

{Well stated.  Nabiki's got to earn forgiveness.  More on this
later...}

Yup.  Soun would _want_ to be able to forgive Nabiki; he's just not capable
of it until she proves to him that giving her his forgiveness will actually
make some difference.

    Fuhaiko leapt, bolt after bolt flying from her hands.  Yoko
dodged, shielded, and counter-attacked with a wave of force that
sliced the tops off several trees but failed completely to hit
the other sorceress.  Somewhere on the edge of her mind, the
realized that the Circle had just been broken.  Fourteen hundred
years of tradition thrown out, just like that.

{This is what I was expecting when I said that evil held the seeds
of its own destruction. Yoko has to know Samofere's prophecy --
why didn't she realize that it was talking about this? Or did she,
and was arrogant enough to proceed anyway? Or, if she accepted the
prophecy, why wasn't she better prepared for it?  Evil is Stupid.}

Actually, the Circle likely wouldn't know the same prophecy as Samofere
does.  The knowledge of it is essentially confined to Phoenix Mountain, and
then only to those who get a look at the books and put things together.

Not only that, but prophecies are tricky things; they don't always mean
what they seem to, and one interpretation is very different from another.
Yoko and the Circle certainly know what Ranma has the potential to become,
but what they do know is probably quite different from what Samofere and
Cologne do.

    Magic.  That was all it could have been.  And something
different, more powerful, than Ranma's transformations or
otherwise.  An entire forest had changed in front of her eyes.
She had felt the power in the air, the invisible presence of
something totally beyond her experience.  And it frightened her.
There was nothing humorous about it, nothing laughable as 
Ranma's curse had been so often.  It was primal, deep, and
powerful.

{Of course, so's Ranma, now.  If Nabiki ever meets Ranma again,
I don't think she'll find him quite so amusing... not if she's
smart.}

Things are going to be... interesting once people start meeting Ranma again.

    If she could manage to elude whoever might be pursuing, and
get out of this forest, and get to a phone, then maybe there'd be
hope for the rest of them.  Maybe Kasumi and her father and 
Nodoka and Akari had gotten away too.  Maybe they'd all escape.

{"a phone"?  Gods, what an idiot.  Who's she gonna call?  The
police?  She STILL doesn't understand.}

Nabiki's trying to come up with a solution for things as best she knows
how.  She's not very good at dealing with these sorts of situations; it
isn't something you can buy, talk or blackmail your way out of.
     

    "Nice bunny," Nabiki tried.
    
    The monstrous animal growled, and leapt the stream in one
bound.  A tremor shook the earth when it landed.  Nabiki saw
that there was a gaping wound on its side, blood darkly matting
the fur, and a scrap of what looked like clothing in its teeth.

{Don't tell me.  A bloody bunny?  Argh.}

Err... not intentional, I swear.  -.-

    "Oh, Nabiki," Kasumi murmured.  Her hand moved up and down
Nabiki's back, again and again.  "Oh, do you think he wouldn't
have done it anyway?  It's him, Nabiki.  It's him who did it.  
Not you."

    "How can you say that?"  With a hard twist of her body,
Nabiki broke free from her sister's arms.  "After what I did?  
Don't you get it, Kasumi?  I was their damn pawn!  I sold us 
out!  I took their money and--"

    Kasumi smiled.  Her eyes were infinitely old in that moment, 
deep as oceans.  "It's okay, Nabiki.  I forgive you."

    Here in night, in the tangled underbrush and the mist and
the rising trees, there was nowhere left to hide.  From herself,

>from anything.  Nabiki couldn't look at her sister.  It was not

possible to meet that gaze.  The next word was torn from her
throat as if by some unstoppable force; her voice was bare, 
absolutely naked, completely vulnerable: "Why?"

    In the small space between them, Kasumi stretched out her
hand.  "Because I love you, Nabiki.  Because you're my sister.  
Do you think you've fallen far?  I tell you that some have fallen
farther still, and come back."

    Nabiki couldn't say anything.  Words would not let 
themselves be formed.

{If Nabiki has any shred of conscience left -- and you've made
clear that she does -- Kasumi's unconditional forgiveness cuts
her like a knife.  She's not off her own hook yet.}

Exactly.  You have to be able to forgive yourself first, to feel you're
worthy of being forgiven; Nabiki's not there yet.

    This is not my sister, some tiny part of Nabiki thought.
These are not her eyes, or her words.  But it was, she realized.
This was Kasumi.  As if Tofu had never touched her.  As if all
her life she'd been only a plant growing in the shadow, and this 
was what she would have been if the shadows had never been there.

{Er... I think she was right the first time.  Either this isn't
really Kasumi, or Kasumi's channelling the Dragon of Life...}

Give the man a fish!

    Someone laughed, nearby.  "You'd best be careful, girls."

>From behind a tree, Tofu stepped out.  He was grinning like a

shark.  Trapped within the lenses of his glasses, the moonlight
turned his gaze into a blank and unreadable expanse of silver.  
"This forest is just _full_ of monsters."

{Eeek!  If I have chiropractic nightmares, it's YOUR fault!}

I nearly ended the chapter here, because it was a good cliffhanger.  :)

    Yamiko made a soft sound that carried yet through the
darkness, a thin and rheumy chuckle that grated on the senses.
Akari wondered faintly just what it was that the shadow-wielder
hid under her mask.

{There are some things man was not meant to know...}

Mebbe she's just got an unsightly mole?

Down they pulled her, down towards the bottom, towards the dark 
and unseen end.  Without a deep breath of air to hold in her 
lungs, it did not take long for the night to come down.

{Fortunately she's picked the single best body of water in the
world to drown in.}

The Water of Life can heal wounds.  It hasn't yet been shown that it can
bring back the dead.  :)

    Kasumi's voice was strong and steady as she spoke.  "No,
Tofu.  I'm not afraid of you any longer.  I used to be.  But now
mother's shown me what you are."

{She's channeling the Dragon of Life, all right.  Yay!}

Eldest sister, eldest sister.  <shrug>

    "This is the last, Tofu," Kasumi said.  Her voice was calm
as her eyes.  "By oak and ash and thorn, you will leave us now,
or you will die."

{And yet another mythology is tied in.  Nice to see the old
words still have power in this distant land.}

S'more the author being a sucker for all kinds of mythology than anything
else.  :)

    Nabiki saw a single wave behind Tofu that didn't move, and
her eyes widened.  Then, in a fountaining column of earth and
stone, the head rose atop a towering serpentine neck.  It was 
massive and ancient.  Moonlight edged emerald scales with silver.  
White-bearded, it had the vague resemblance of a patriarchal old 
man turned into a serpent.
    
    Nabiki stared, in awe and fear.  As if responding to the
dragon's presence, the mist suddenly rose until it was thick
throughout all the air, giving the entire scene the unearthly 
quality of a nightmare or a dream.
    
    Yamata no Orochi.  The lord of the forest.

{In case you were wondering, the hairs on the back of my neck
just stood up.  Man, there's cavalry, and there's CAVALRY!}

Nothing like having gigantic mythical monsters show up and eat your enemy
alive, is there?

    Cradling her broken arm against her side, Nabiki got to her
feet and began to walk towards the spot where Kasumi lay.  
Halfway there, something crunched underfoot, and she looked down
to see Tofu's glasses, broken and twisted under the heel of her
shoe.  

{Very nice touch.}

Symbolism.  Gotta love it.

The overall impression of this chapter is increasing tension.
33 was relatively light, with some victories for the Good Guys,
and 34 was logistic -- moving pieces into position -- but this
one grabbed the screws and CRANKED.  Aiya.  The story is wound
up tight, and is going to go SPROING real soon, I can feel it.

Everything's basically come together now; the next chapter will have a
unified storyline for the first time since around Chapter 6.  No more
subplots.  It's the end times, kiddies.

A great read, as always, I'm looking forward to the next chapter,
as always, and I really like getting it in one part, too.  :)

Try not having to hack it up into four parts to post.  :)

Thanks for writing and sharing!

Same.  Commentary was much appreciated, Vincent; insightful and well
thought-out as always.

Ciao,
-Alan Harnum