On Wed, 10 Mar 1999, Christopher D. Nichols wrote:

For a moment, he wondered if he was in Kentucky and
dismissed the thought.  I'm dreaming, he thought.  Of course
it's weird.  Although normally he was alone in his dreams. 

Would someone from Japan really think of Kentucky at this point?  The 
connection would be obscure even in America.

Probably not, I suppose. I've simply been exposed to too much banjo music
:)
 

"Just another slaver plying my trade as best I can," 
he said.  "What with the revolt of the slaves in Kled, I've
had to improvise.  Then I hit on the trick of picking up all
these fools who manage to dump themselves around here by
wrecking their own little private dreams."  He shrugged. 
"It's a lot of work, but my buyers seem to value those sort 
of people."

"Tell that to the ones you killed.  And you'd best
hope none of his relatives take it poorly."  The man
laughed.  "But my spells should keep them away until we
reach Dylath-Leen." 

The driver laughed.  "Little girl, what I do is
perfectly legal here.  Slaves have been brought to
Dylath-Leen by this road for millenia.  Millions have been
carried down the Skar, despite the complaints of those
lily-livered cat worshipping fools in Ulthar and Nir.  Take
your stupid horse and go back to Celephais where idiots like
yourself dwell."

I may be mistaken, but it appears that your geography is slightly off.  
While Kled is just north of Dylath-Leen, with Nir, Ulthar, and the Skar 
in between, Celephais is nowhere near there.  In fact, Celephais is on 
an entirely different continent.

Yes.  But Asuka doesn't worry about such petty concerns as whether she is
inside Celephais' zone of authority.  She's a knight errant, going forth
to fight evil wherever it may dwell, the way Arthur's knights always poked
their noses in where they weren't wanted either :)

This is why he tells her to go back to Celephais.

It had a single lidless red eye, and a body of
winged shadow, a formless shape, a crawling mass of black
tendrils, a thousand forms united by one thing, a mocking
voice and a contempt for her.  Okay, two things. 

Asuka's afraid of the Haunter of the Dark?  Whoa.  I hope this is 
expanded on in later episodes.

Asuka's past will be expanded on.  She's had an interesting life.

 

Rei immediately relaxed, looking pleased in a way
that was hard to explain.  Was that a small hint of a smile
Asuka saw?  She wasn't sure at all.  As Shinji returned to
his seat, Rei's impassiveness returned.

I hope (and guess) the theme you are developing here with the growing 
bond between Shinji and Rei is an illustration of both cosmic and 
personal horror.  Cosmic horror in the ultimately pathetic and futile 
nature of human emotion in the face of the alien and malignant nature of 
reality.  Personal horror in the form of betrayal by a loved one and 
watching self/loved one losing their humanity.

This isn't leading to a WAFFY Shinji/Rei lemon.  I'll leave it at that :)

She flipped through two more charts from another
pad.  "And slightly enhanced hormone levels.  Perhaps it's
just a phase of puberty, but it could also be a sign she's
going to start having seizures like subject #34 did.  I will
NOT be pleased if we lose her." 

Neurology information vaguely recalled from high school - the limbic 
system is a series of structures in the brain which are closely tied to 
the production and experience of emotion.  Thus, if Rei has a crush on 
Shinji, Ritsuko would also observe increased activity in the limbic 
region/structures.  However, I might be incorrect, so double checking 
this would be wise.

Hai.  I did 'human biology today' a looong time ago, so I'll look into
this.


 

Prince Shinji kneeled before the throne of his
father, King Gendo of Tokyo-3, who sat on his great basalt
and onyx throne, his gloved fingers pursed to form a
triangle.  "You have done well so far in your twelve labors,
Shinji, but a single task remains before you complete these
tasks and recieve the greatest reward of all." 

I'm almost positive that the phrase "who sat on his great basalt and 
onyx throne," is straight from _Dream Quest of Unknown Kadath_.  But, I 
can't recall who it refers to.

I'd have to look myself, although I think it's the King of Ilek-Vad who
has an Onyx throne.

 					

Misato, Ritsuko, Asuka, Kaji, Maya, Makoto, Touji,
and Kensuke stood to one side, robed in white greek robes,
moving in unison as they asked, "And what reward is that?" 

Interesting that Rei does not appear here, or in fact in any of Shinji's 
dreams.  I assume this is an indication of her tainted nature?

Canna answer without spoiling future plans.

the beings who capered about in a great circle, ringing
something to which he had his back.  The part of him that
was still his 'real' self knew something horrible was there,
but the god Shinji turned to gaze upon its master, giving a
great incoherent cry of soulless joy. 

Court of Azathoth...this is not a good thing.  Will the arrival of this 
on Earth be the equivalent of the Third Impact?

See above comment :)
 

He ran across the yard and fell to his knees before
Asuka and Hikari, who were eating lunch together.  "You have
to let me come play Invasion of Earth with you!  I'll do
anything!" 

Asuka laughed.  "Sure.  I'd be happy to." 

Isn't this excessively nice/pleasant/gracious for Asuka?  Wouldn't she 
taunt Kensuke a bit before agreeing, at the very least? 

Canon Asuka, yes.  But this Asuka has a somewhat different personality due
to a somewhat different past.  To say more would, again, be a spoiler.

Great work.  An excellent series reinventing NGEva along obvious lines 
(if you know Lovecraft, at least).  I hope something here provided 
useful C&C for you (although, I find that highly unlikely, given my 
track record of uselessness).				 

Thank you very much!  A very insightful set of comments which shows you
know the source material rather well.

 

BTW, the animated intro to "Children of an Elder God" on your site is 
excellent.  My congratulations to whoever created it on their skilled 
design.

RPM created it; I stand in awe myself.


John Walter Biles :  MA-History, Ph.D Wannabe at U. Kansas         
ranma@falcon.cc.ukans.edu       
rhea@tass.org              http://www.tass.org/~rhea/falcon.html
rhea@maison-otaku.net      http://www.maison-otaku.net/~rhea/

Bailesu:  But the plot had so many holes, I could fly the Yamato through
it.