Evangelion spoilers ahead (if you can actually understand it enough to get
any spoilers, that is!) You've been told. Set far into but before the end of
the series, though.
There's no way that I could ever even dare to think that the Eva characters
are mine. No way! They are not mine!! Though, a company called Gainax do
have the rights.
Be warned this is my first Eva fic ever and also my first
stream-of-consciousness fic with the thoughts pouring out onto the page as
fast as I could type (to give it authenticity, I guess) while only thinking
what li'l Shinji might be, um, thinking of. So, if I screw it up... well, at
least I gave it a try, right? It's only an experiment in a type of writing
I've never done before. Just wrote it tonight. As always, C&C (of any kind
or length) craved like chocolate cake in a health farm.
~Kayu-chan   ^_^


I mustn't run away i mustn't run away that's what i always say do i mean it
can i run away can i really i can't run away from my soul my heart my
memories my father always there in my head so cold so cruel hates me doesn't
care why should I care about me about him there's nothing to believe in i
can't believe in myself mother? mother who was she only remember fragments
of her warm so warm in her arms like a mother is my mother she loved me
loved me? who can love me i don't care father doesn't care only cares for
rei i care for rei but does she care for me? why should anyone care? nothing
to care for i'm nothing can hurt me if i run away but why did i stay? needed
to stay nowhere else to go nowhere to run they would always get me my
memories my doubts my dreams my thoughts would never leave me my father's
voice taunting me coward useless nothing i tell myself i am i feel hurt
afraid no mad i feel mad mad at that angel how dare it hurt asuka asuka hurt
and screaming asuka never scream not like that screams at me when for being
me hates me likes me i don't know i don't really know anyone not like i
thought i did i'm stupid how could i never know anyone i never let anyone
know me couldn't let anyone know me might die might run away never run away
no chance too late too far i let people in i let people know me made friends
friends good but they don't know me can never really know me not let them
not worth it i tried to kill friend toji poor toji father made me made me
hurt toji nothing i could do should have stopped father nearly killed toji
killed toji how could i? blood everywhere hitting punching mad i'm mad i'm
mad at father at me at angel mad mad bad person am i all this pain all this
anger just won't get away go on a bus escape town escape this anger just so
mad mad and it won't go just won't go need to strike need to hit need to
hurt like i been hurt so bad and it won't stop go away from me far away and
nothing is right all wrong wrong wrong i'm never right never killed toji
nearly dead hurt him so much he forgave me how could he forgive me? i killed
him killed his life his hopes for the future i have no hopes no dreams i
don't know what i want from the future is meaningless for me i am an eva
pilot that's all i have all i will have don't care about nothing else care
about asuka hate me but i need her need her why do i need her? i don't know
i just do asuka is not like misato who says she cares for me yet drinks her
life away sits in her room crying now why does she cry she won't say won't
talk shuts me out like i shut out the world all i can do is lie here and
listen to this tape over and over and shut out the crying shut out life
forever tape nearly over life nearly over i know i will
*click*
*whirrr*
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quiet now good like quiet like silence hate silence like i hate and like me

"Shinji! Get up and make breakfast! It's your turn!"

i love silence love silence a lot i love it

"Shinji!"

oh yes