Just a few scenes from the second Ranma Wars fanfic: "THE HENTPIRE
STRIKES BACK." Judging by the glacial pace at which it is being
produced, we should see it sometime in 2001...
* * *
"What's goin' on?" Ran asked as he and Gen-baka stepped into the
Command Center. Princess Akane and Kasumi Antilles were waiting for
them.
"It seems we have a visitor," Akane told him. "We were hoping you
and your smuggler father could help us determine who it is."
<I am not a smuggler,> Gen-baka holosigned. <I am simply a trader
in duty-free goods...>
"Forget it, Pop," Ran said. "Like they care anyways."
"A remote sensor was tripped out on the southwest plateau," an
Ops tech informed them. "It's a heat sensor, and something generating
a good deal of it passed within 20 meters of its position. That brought
the entire range up to a passive alert status. Roughly three minutes
later, a gravitic anomaly sensor detected a repulsorlift field. We've
been tracking the field on various sensors as it continued heading
towards the base."
She showed Ran and Gen-baka the plot of its progress towards the
base.
"It looks like it's spiralling in towards us," Ran observed. "With
that kind of search pattern, whoever they are, they have a pretty good
idea where to look."
"That's what we thought," Kasumi agreed. "On a planet this big and
desolate, anything showing up unannounced within a hundred klicks can't
be taken as coincidence."
"The target is approaching our Echo-Three listening post," the
tech informed them. "Switching to direct line commo now."
She flipped a switch, and the direct line to the distant
observation station came on over the speakers.
"*hssst* Alpha Base, this is Echo-Three. *crackle* Target sighted,
range approximately three hundred *warble* ...Attempting to identi-
*crackle* No markings... Wait... It *sizzle* ...Oh shi-*garble**pop*
...Alpha Ba-*crackle*..."
The random crackle and pop of static filled the speakers as the
ops tech tried to reach Echo-Three. There was no response.
"Whoever they are, they aren't friendly," Ran observed. He smacked
Gen-baka on the arm. "Come on, Pop. Let's go check it out."
Gen-baka cowered behind Kasumi.
<I don't wanna,>" he signed. <Why don't you go on without me?>
"Quit being such a big coward and let's go!" Ran said to him.
Gen-baka continued to cower behind Kasumi, who gave them an embarrassed
smile.
<It's probably nothing,> Gen-baka signed. <Live and let live, I
always say.>
"Yeah, only whoever they are, they don't subscribe to that
philosophy," Ran shot back. "But if you really don't want to go, that's
fine with me."
The panda gave his son a puzzled look.
<Really?>
"Of course," Ran said cheerily. He grabbed his father by the
scruff of his chest. "You can always finish putting the 'Yaki back
together, like you were supposed to yesterday!"
Gen-baka considered the two. On the one hand, if he went with his
son, he could get killed. On the other hand, if he stayed at the base,
he would have to do work.
<I'll get my blaster.>
"That's the spirit, Pop," Ran chuckled.
* * *
"Lord Kunou, we have conducted an intensive scan of the planet,
and have found several above ground structures with high energy
readings. A defense shield of considerable strength is energized, and
directly covers the facility and its immediate surroundings."
Kunou noted the Sensory Officer's report and pursed his lips in
thought.
"It would seem that they have received warning of our arrival,"
he said angrily. "That Philistine of an Executive Officer my twisted
sister recommended hath ordered the fleet out of hyperspace too close
to the planet."
"Yes, Lord Kunou," the Sensory Officer agreed. He was suddenly
grateful to have been passed over for the promotion. "It would seem
so."
"He shall be dealt with," Kunou intoned to himself. "The moment
now requires that we prepare a viable course of action in spite of
Captain Ryuu's egregious blunder."
"It would be a simple matter to knock down their shields," the
Weapons Officer declared. "We have more than enough firepower to
overload their pitiful defenses."
The Dark Lord pointed to a dome shaped structure on the display.
"And what, pray tell, dost thou intend to do about that," he said
evenly.
The officer studied the display and frowned.
"An ion cannon?"
"Indeed," Kunou replied. "These curs are possessed of greater
ordnance than I feared. To position our fleet directly above that
cursed warren of rebels would be suicide."
"But if we stand off at an angle of attack shallow enough to
avoid the ion cannon, their shield's ability to repel our blasts will
be cubed," he spluttered. "Our advantage in firepower will be
nullified!"
"Quite so," Kunou agreed. "The wretches are clever, but not nearly
as invulnerable as they believe." He turned to his Troop Commander.
"General Herb, prepare thy landing force for immediate drop. The honor
of smiting these curs is thine."
General Herb, flanked by his two most trusted advisors, Colonel
Lime and Colonel Mint, bowed for Kunou Vader. "It shall be done as you
command, my lord."
The three Hentperial officers spun on their heels and left the
Command Bridge.
"This time *I* get to pilot the dropship," Mint whined.
"Shut yer pie-hole, stupid!" Lime growled. He thumped the shorter
officer on the head.
"Don't call me stupid!" Mint's elbow slammed into Lime's ribs.
General Herb grabbed both men by their hair and cracked their
heads together repeatedly. The effect was rather like being inside a
bowling alley during League Night.
"Both of you shut up!"
"Shutting up, sir, General Herb, sir!" they chorused.
The blast door shut behind them, thankfully sparing Kunou Vader
from any more of their banter. In its place came the sound of Kodachi
Vader's riotous laughter carrying across the compartment. Many of the
crew were well conditioned to this, and grabbed for earplugs and spare
headsets with practiced ease.
"I see that everything is going smoothly, brother dear," she
chortled.
Kunou Vader gave her a withering look.
"Silence, sister. I'll have no such insolence aboard my ship."
Kodachi winced at the slight, and gave her brother a pouty look.
Kunou ignored her and turned back to his officers.
"Methinks a personal visit to the planet would be in order," he
said wearily. "Save for General Herb alone, those buffoons are as
clumsy as they are stupid, and no harm must come to the fair Princess
Akane." He pointed at his Operations Officer. "Prepare my personal
starfighter, Bin Sen, for flight."
"At once, Lord Kunou!"
"Going somewhere, brother dear?" Kodachi asked sweetly.
Kunou nodded. "Indeed, dear sister. I shall leave the command of
the _Libertine_ to you in my absence."
Kodachi gave him a heartwarming smile. "I'll try to leave it where
you left it, brother dear," she replied in a saccharine voice. "But in
the chaos of battle, who knows what can happen?" She laughed maniacally
at the thought of leaving him to freeze on Hoth.
"My most beloved and only sister," Kunou began, "If thou shouldst
plan to betray me, pray that success comes beyond all thy wildest
expectations. For if there be but the faintest spark of life and breath
within me, I shall visit upon thee such torments that even thy most
warped of faculties cannot imagine."
Kodachi tried to keep a straight face during his pompous retort,
with little success. "Promise to spank me?" she asked coyly, turning
her bare hip his way and slapping it gently with her riding crop.
Kunou Vader slammed his gruesome samurai armor visor down over his
face to keep her from seeing how red it had become. He stormed awkwardly
off the bridge without reply, and headed straight for the hangar bays.
Kodachi let out another mad laugh and settled down into her comfy
crushed velvet command chair. The bridge crew went swiftly back to
their tasks.
* * *
"Lord Kunou, we have detected the fugitive spacecraft fleeing at
high sublight velocity towards the asteroid field between the system's
fifth and sixth planets," Sensory reported.
"Hentperial Panty Raiders _Hefner,_ _Guccionne,_ and _Flynt_ are
signalling that they are in close pursuit," Tactical added.
Kunou Vader paced anxiously behind the forward viewports. Soon
he would have both the noble and virtuous Princess Akane, and the
mysterious vision of beauty he knew only as the Pig-Tailed Girl, in
his clutches. The captains of the three pursuing Panty Raiders were
dedicated skirt-chasers; he knew they would not fail him. Still, every
little bit of help couldn't hurt.
"What about the _Starr,_ commander?" he demanded. Hentperial
ships didn't come any more tenacious than that one. "Is it in range
to assist?"
"I'm sorry, Lord Kunou, but the _Starr_ was detached from the
fleet just after the battle, by order of the Hentperor. They're off
to conquer the Wild Sorority Girls of Planet Playtex."
"Curses!" Kunou cried with a slam of his fist against the bulkhead.
"I understand, Lord Kunou," Tactical sympathized. "Some ships get
all the luck."
* * *
Mikado Sanzenin was not having a good day. In fact on a scale of
1 to 10, with one being bad, and ten being dead, he was about a 9.95.
He should have been ecstatic; he and his charge had just been handed
their most lucrative bounty yet. And what was he doing right now?
He was rooting through the garbage that the Hentperial Panty Raiders
had dumped, that's what he was doing.
"Are you insane, woman?!" he exclaimed not for the first time.
From the controls of Kawaii-1, Azusa Fett paid no attention. Her
beloved Gilbert was out there somewhere, and they were going to find
him.
END TEASER
--
"Why are they wearing bras?"
-Rachel Wilde, age 4,
while watching the Dirty
*ahem* Lovely Angels...
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