{Just a few comments, but since the original had line length problems
 I'll quote it.}

The Neriman Businessman

I'm a businessman, pure and simple.  I've been called a buccaneer in 
trade...or was that a pirateer..oh, well, I can be any kind of tier you 
want, baby...

OW!  Hey, what'd you do that for?!  Oh, well, she had a fat ass..never 
did like brunettes anyway.  You're still here, anyway...whatever good 
that'll do, you look like you're living off of videos or something, it's 
sickening.  Oh, no, nothing.  I was just saying how WELL you look today!

Now, as I was saying, I'm a... DAMN kids!  That was my best shirt you 
just got filth all over!  Look at that idiot, with that pigtail...looks 
like a girl...  I'll bet he's one of those weirdos who are really in 
touch with their "feminine" side.  That girl who was following him is 
man enough for the two of them.  Kami, how they raise 'em these days.  
In my day, women were demure, sweet young things, now you've got OGRES 
running about.  That girl ought to be committed. Now, I was having 
dinner with my dear, and well-respected friend,who's a high school 
principal, very wealthy, posh, up and up, and his lovely daughter was 
just EXACTLY like one had in the old days.  Quiet, lovely, a perfect 
conversationalist, showing interest in what the men did.  Why, I was 
talking about hunting, and the various deadly darts those barbarians in 
Hokkaido use, and she paid very rapt attention, just like a woman 
should.  I bet that girl there wouldn't know the difference between a 
hammer and a table!

Now, where was I?  Hmm?  Don't be silly, I'm not a privateer, that would 
mean I'm out to cheat you of your money!  I'm a business man, with a 
sweet, sweet proposition for you!

..Kami, does that boy have FANGS?!  Don't tell me it's halloween 
again... I simply can't approve of all this Westernization.  It's 
perverting our society.  You know, I do believe that last halloween, I 
saw at least two cats, a duck, and a little black pig.  The things kids 
do to contort themselves into grotesque shapes!  And what in the name of 
my ancestors does that boy need with an umbrella that big?! He's not 
looking where he's going, he's liable to poke someone with that thing.  
I'm telling you, that umbrella could be used as a dangerous weapon!

Kids these days.  Sir, you can just see our society falling apart. Why, 
there's just no respect for the old ways!  While I was at my friend's 
house, you know, the one that's really wealthy and upperclass, a _very_ 
dear friend, his son, a very noble samurai, destined to carry on the 
family tradition, came home bruised and bloody because some ignoble 
idiot blocked his courtship of a lovely maiden.  Where were the days 
when mere peasants had their heads loped off for just speaking contrary

{lopped}

to their superior?!  Now, I can't say I approve of not going through a 
proper medium, the go-between and what not, but these are modern times, 
after all.

What?  Ah, yes!  My apologies, sir, I get so emotional over the decay of 
our society.  My proposal is this, a sweet little apartment, cozy for 
two, yet comfy for one!, in a nice area of town.  The neighboors are a

{"neighbours" or "neighbors"}

lovely little family.  A father and two children.  The mother is...away 
most of the time.  Work,  I understand.  They have a few teeny-tiny 
minor eccentricies, but I say those cat ears make the girl look cute. 

{Usually Nuku-Nuku's "ears" are invisibly concealed behind her hair
unless she goes into combat mode, when they deploy.)

She's very...full figured, you know, heh heh.  And so bright and happy. 
only10000yenperday.

Yes, sir, I said only 10,000 yen! Just  sign right here!  Never mind
about the fine print... that just an insurance policy...Hmm?  Ah, yes, 
just give me the contract, I'll put it in a nice safe place.  I'm moving 
to Hawaii, my friend...why yes, the posh one!  You remembered!  It does 
the heart good to know that the youth of Dai Nippon care about their 
elders.  Yes, I'm afraid I had to move...i couldn't stand the noise, 
missiles, and excess number of cats...  Hm? Oh, no, I was JUST saying 
about how this young society is just wearing my poor old soul down.  It 
seems like everyone you meet these days is a teenager.

Thank you sir, and you'll be hearing from me soon!  sucker... Hm? I was 
just saying how much it sucks that I'm leaving this wonderful apartment 
to you, though I'm sure you'll enjoy it very much.  I have absolutely no 
doubt as to the degree of your emotions.

Sayonara!


***

1.  The "barbarians" in Hokkaido are the Ainu.

{The Ainu still use poison darts?  Well, what do I know.  Besides
he's speaking from a universe where tea ceremony can be a martial
art.}

2.  I was told Nuku-Nuku was set in Nerima, but I assumed she lived in 
an apartment.

I don't know who owns NukuNuku, but Takahashi Rumiko owns the other 
crazy Neriman kids.

If I misused, mis-spelled, or otherwise mistreated the Japanese 
language, I apologize, and beg ignorance.

{I really liked it.  Would that be 10,000 yen a month?
 For the record, your guess was correct.  Nuku-Nuku does live
 in a Nerima apartment building.}