HI,

hello.

Just a few comments. (all IMO. ^_^)

cool.

Very Good overall. Interesting idea. (though a bit confusing for
people like me who've never heard of spells R us. You might expand on
that a bit at the begining) Interesting plot twists. However some of
the characterizations seem a bit cliched (re: Akane/Ranma
"She is also apparently engaged to Ranma, doesn't like him very much,"

translation: Nabiki isn't perfect. She's just as apt as anyone else to put
two
and two together and come up with four even though one "two" is actually
a three.
             i might put a note in. though if you just think "evil cursed
magic shop"
you'll get the idea. there's a LOT of webfiction on Spells R Us, and not all
of the
stories jibe with each other.

and Ukyo's
""NABIKI TENDO! PREPARE TO DIE!"

 Akane-neko stared, wide eyed and ears flattened, at
the figure that had just leapt down into the alley.

 "For what you and that bimbo have done to
me," Ukyou drew her spatula, "death!"

are more than a little over-blown IMO. This looks like recycling of
stock dialogue and characterization (ie just turn Ukyou into Ryouga)
and detracts from what looks like the begining of a GREAT fanfiction.
My suggestion, for what it's worth ^_^

True, but if this were a PERFECT world, Akane would be going through
incredible amounts of guilt in the next chapter. Of course, nothing really
gets solved by her taking a bite of that "Big Hunk" bar...

is to re-think this just a little bit and flesh out the characters,
esp. the non-Nabiki ones :), rather than plug-and-play. Again this
looks like a GOOD begining, well worth spending more time with. Good
Luck
^_^

yes, but the story is supposed to be Akane, from Akane's viewpoint, and
be at least vaguely pro-Akane. (Difficult for me, but if i can pull it off,
this
could be cool.)

So what kind of candy/food/item would YOU try to get if you were Akane
and trying to restore normalcy?

gregg