At 06:00 AM 3/7/99 GMT, you wrote:

"Penny M. Morris" <swwerth@TSO.Cin.IX.Net> wrote:

That's all so far.  Should I keep going?  Should I run myself through with
Nodoka's katana?  Let me know!  Thanks for reading :-)

Nah, that thing's hard to clean.... :-)

Okay, seriously... no real problems with your writing that I saw. As for
the story, I think it's taking too long to get where it's going, and
doing too much standard fanfic stuff in the meantime. If you want to do
standard stuff like Akane-has-a-fight-with-Ranma scenes, it's probably
best to do them *after* your fic's plot has gotten rolling; that way,
the new element in the fic (in your case, the new fiancee) adds
something extra to it and it's not the same old same old. Also, that way
R&A can be fighting because of the plot of the fic, and not just for no
reason.

Should you keep going? Hard to tell. "Genma has arranged a new fiancee
for Ranma" is a pretty standard plot, but it could get interesting
depending on what the new girl's like. So I can't say at this point, but
I am interested in reading further.

I have to agree with Gary, there is nothing wrong with what you have
written, it is just not new.  You may even be able to keep what you have
just by adding something to it.  

When they are talking about meeting the savages, that might be a good place
for a flashback where we could see the savages and get some idea of what
you have in mind.  Or maybe add an intro with the Hunter finding Genma
scene, once again to show the reader why these savages are so unusual.  

Alternately, the something new could be between Ranma and Akane.  Instead
of the same old R&A fight, one of them could react in a different way.  You
had a basic setup for that with Akane afraid "her true feelings for him
might show through."  It's probably a bit early in the story to let that
get too far, but that would be one way of setting the story apart.  

Just some thoughts,
John
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