Of course, UN Spacy retained its military hold over Confederation
policy; a position of power often criticized but rarely challenged.
    Lieutenent General Marie Crystal-Phillips, sixty-nine years old this
July, shut off the hologram as Jupiter faded into her viewport.  Her

{What hologram?}

Jane since was Canadian, as consequence, many of the rumors of city life
were negative.

{This sentence doesn't make any sense.}

possible.  The Ayatollah Khomeini had become America's most diffident
problem to date, in a time where the nation was coming to terms with a

{"difficult"}

   The sports coupe, driven by a British diplomat's son, had been less
fortunate.  Flames drew like swords of fire from the charred remains of the

{"drew"?}

    "Turn here," he finally said, repeating the phrase over in his mind as
his driver .  The limo slowly pulled into the left turning lane, heading
towards the outskirts of the-

{"as his driver"?  What does that mean?}

    And Hirotsugu would remain a faceless stain on the limousine's
dashboard, a faceless stain on Yakazi's personal honor.  

{Why?  Surely his driver had whatever responsibility for the accident that
belonged to his vehicle.  Where is the stain on Yakazi's honour?}

The Lounge, San Fransisco, September 25, 1998

{"Francisco"}

The Central Intelligence Agency--who often
provided the State Department with tidbits of information that served as
leverage during various negotiations--had never engaged in an intelligence
operation against Japan.

{Why not?}

further enticed the American government by providing enough federal space to
host several embessial extensions at the same time.  With still a lot more

{"consular"  One is either in an embassy, or one is not.}

wonder-structure.  Of course, the Special Agent in Charge, a known
Klukker--former Grand Wizard of a Denver suberb during his assignment to
that city's office--with a severe distaste for anything Asian; as well as

{The FBI would never promote someone with those kind of known credentials
to such an important post.  They'd probably just fire anyone who was that
far out of the political mainstream.}

threats of eviction.  Since the lower sixty-floors were deemed to by
Japanese-United States federal property, the zaibatsu would have to make use

{"be", not "by"}

Department of the State, she was an apprentice under Deputy Assistant
Secretary of State Jill McIntyre, who in turn learned from ex-Secretary of
State Warren Christopher during the Clinton Administration. The new

{To be blunt, this is way more than we needed to know.}

The decorated general passed the guard at attention into Block-991 without
so much as a hesitation in his gaite.  As a supervisor of Top Secret

{"gait"}

He had earned to
the rank colonel with the gruesome, brutal massacre of his unit.

{"He had been promoted to..." or "He had earned the rank of...}  
And he got promoted because of the massacre? Why?}

 An only
survivor, the experience was a scar he never fully recovered from

{"The only survivor...}

active and semi-active docket.  The department he was assigned to turned out
to be the J-2 section before and during Walt Kent's stint as head.  Tomson
had managed to forge a working relationship with the former Vice-Chairman of
the Joint Chiefs of Staff--General McPhillips, although the Vice would often

{Once again this seems like an excess of unimportant information.  Who is
Walt Kent?  How does he figure in this story?  Are we supposed to know him?}

information he was cleared for.  He justified that the eighteen million in
cash would supplement for the immorality and treachery of the rest of his task.

{This sentence doesn't quite make sense.  His motive is not his justification.


His justification would be something like "I'm not really doing any lasting
harm" or "After all the things my country has done, it doesn't deserve my 
loyalty.  And "supplement" does not mean "compensate".}