This is the second part of chapter one. It's been chopped up for the 
sake of convinience, and not because they're separate chapters. Sorry 
for any confusion this may cause, and please don't flame me.


TITLE: Hellmouth/Nanniichuan
AUTHOR: Cutter Kinseeker
E-MAIL: ckinseeker@hotmail.com
FEEDBACK: All comments are welcome, positive ones are preferred, but 
even negative comments are okay as long as they're constructive 
criticism. "It sucks and so do you" type messages will be met with 
extreme prejudice.
DISTRIBUTION: Ask me first.
RATING: PG-13 for adult language, adult situations, brief literary 
nudity, and mild violence.
DESCRIPTION: The crossover from hell. Ranma Saotome and company spend a 
week in Sunnydale, CA, after Nabiki acquires a series of mystic 
artifacts that Giles has an interest in. Lots of humor, some of it dark, 
plenty of action, the occasional serious subplot, but nothing too heavy 
on the senses. This work is essentially what all crossovers are: 
sillyfic.
DISCLAIMER: I did not write this. I swear. Even if I say I did, it's 
obviously a lie. You see, were I to claim any intellectual property of 
either Rumiko Takahashi or Joss Whedon, I would probably be sued into 
oblivion, then imprisoned for the rest of my short and miserable life in 
a cell, where I would quickly be forgotten and become forced to eat my 
own internal organs to survive. Therefore, I own nothing, I claim 
nothing, and this entire fanfiction is a figment of your own 
imagination.
SPOILERS: For Buffy, everything up to (but not including--that's 
important!) "Lover's Walk". For Ranma 1/2, everything up to and 
including "Team Ranma Versus the Legendary Phoenix" (aka "Ranma the 
Movie 3", or "One Grew Over the Kuno's Nest").


S   S
P   P
O   A
I   C
L   E
E
R


***

	"Absolutely not!" Buffy told her Watcher. "There's no way I'm going to 
be saddled with a bunch of foreign exchange students for a whole week!"
	"Not exchange students, Buffy," sighed Giles miserably. "They're the 
family of a businesswoman the Watchers must deal with in order to-"
	"I don't care who they are!" Buffy retaliated. "I mean, didn't you ever 
once consider that we--" she indicated herself and the Slayerettes-- 
"might have plans this week?"
	"But Buffy," inserted shy, redheaded Willow, "weren't you and Xander 
just talking about how there's nothing to do and how boring it is and-" 
She noticed her friends' incredulous stares focusing on her. "And I'm 
not helping, am I?"
	"No," replied Buffy in a chilly tone of voice, "you're not... But 
that's beside the point right now." She turned back to Giles, attempting 
anger and righteous indignation once more, then realized that her train 
of thought had been derailed by Willow's innocent slip. She frowned, 
trying to work up some semblance of fury, but gave up after a few 
seconds of trying. Buffy recognized the look on her Watcher's face as 
one that she only rarely saw: triumph. He had won, and with a small 
sigh, Buffy acknowledged his victory.
	"When did you say they'll get to town?" she asked in a small voice.
	"Ten days from now," answered a very happy Giles.
	Buffy's senses, keened by her Slayer powers and years of fighting the 
undead, instantly picked up the sounds of her best friends attempting to 
run out on her like rats deserting a sinking ship. Turning towards them, 
she whistled as loud as she could--which, as it turned out, was quite 
loud. The Slayerettes froze in place, knowing they had been caught but 
unwilling to face up to it just yet.
	"Ten-hut!" yelled a slightly peeved Buffy. "About face!" The 
Slayerettes moved to obey, slowly turning around, all of them wearing 
similar looks of defeat and resignation. "If I'm stuck on this one, you 
guys are in too--so don't try any crap like that again. We need to be 
ready for these exchange students--" at this, Giles shot Buffy a pained 
look, but said nothing-- "so we've gotta divide up the labor. Willow, 
you know Japanese, right?"
	"A little..." she said sheepishly. "But my pronunciation isn't very 
good, and I don't think I can keep up if they start to talk fast..."
	"Close enough," Buffy interrupted. "Okay, you're our interpreter if 
they can't speak English. How old did you say these kids were, Giles?" 
Giles shrugged his shoulders; Miss Tendo had never mentioned their ages. 
"Let's assume they're our age or a little younger; that means we've 
gotta set up some entertainment for a bunch of teenagers... How many of 
them are there?" Giles shrugged once more; again, she had not given him 
any information on this topic--the Convocation would be giving her the 
plane tickets as soon as she arrived at the airport, and they had 
reserved up to ten seats. "So, as many as ten?" asked Buffy as soon as 
Giles had finished his stuttering account of Miss Tendo's travel plans. 
"That's bad... Assuming that Japanese teenagers are anything like us, we 
might have a minor disaster on our hands."
	Giles allowed himself a small smile; he knew he had done the right 
thing in putting Buffy in charge. She was a brilliant strategist when 
she put her mind to it, and this situation would require a good deal of 
strategy and planning. Not only would it keep her mind (and those of her 
drafted laborers) off the current lull in monster activity, it would 
keep her on her toes. Buffy knew how much Giles' work as a Watcher meant 
to him, and she would do her level best to not only keep anything from 
happening to their guests, but to make him proud. There was a strong 
connection between the two, almost like father and daughter, and while 
she might complain a bit at first, she would never let him down. 
Thinking these deep thoughts, Giles wandered off from the group to 
return to his duties as a librarian.
	"Xander, Cordy--you guys are on the entertainment committee," Buffy 
continued, only marginally aware of Giles' absence. "I expect you to 
have activities planned for our little tour group by the time they get 
here.
	"You can count on us, Buff," said Xander with a smart little salute, 
just glad that Buffy needed him for something. Cordy was upset from 
Xander's obvious fawning over Buffy, but she was used to it by now and 
said nothing about it. She did have a few choice comments on their 
assignment, however.
	"Entertainment committee?" she questioned frowningly. "What kind of 
activities?"
	"A trip to the zoo, or something like that," Buffy replied. "I figure 
that this businesswoman that Giles is so interested in will give her 
kids money for shopping or souvenirs, maybe even tourist attractions. 
Leave most of the schedule pretty flexible--we don't even know how many 
of them there are."
	"Well," said Cordelia thoughtfully, getting into the spirit of things, 
"if all else fails, there's always the Bronze." The Bronze was 
Sunnydale's biggest (and pretty much only) nightclub, a place filled to 
the brim with young adults and teenagers listening to the latest trends 
in music and drinking caffeinated beverages or fruit drinks. "And I 
suppose I could throw together a party at my place for them--my folks 
are out of town until the end of the month..." Cordelia cut herself off 
and headed for the nearest table, grabbing Xander as she passed, to work 
out all of her thoughts and plans for the week, actually starting to 
like the idea. Xander shot Buffy a desperate look, hoping for some sort 
of rescue from his party-fevered girlfriend, but no aid was forthcoming. 
Buffy turned to Oz, Willow's werewolf boyfriend.
	"Do you think you could get your band together if we have a party?" she 
asked.
	"Sure," replied Oz in his mellow, even voice. "The vampires aren't the 
only thing that have been quiet the last few weeks. There haven't really 
been any gigs open since school started. Actually, I think the last time 
we were together was at your welcome-home party..." He trailed off, 
remembering the somewhat disastrous outcome of that party: an invasion 
of the undead, and a few deaths. "I think that kind of freaked them out; 
our drummer's been out of town for a couple of weeks. I'm sure we can 
scrounge up someone though, no worries."
	"Great, music's taken care of. Okay, we've got a translator, party 
committee, band... what am I forgetting?"
	"Security," interjected Faith, the new Slayer. Faith was something of 
an enigma to Buffy and her friends; she rarely appeared at their 
gatherings, said little about herself or her past, and was generally 
just hard to get to know--and harder to get along with. "Just because 
they've been quiet lately, doesn't mean that the vamps have all bugged 
out for Malibu. We get a couple of those nasties in town at the wrong 
time, these new kids might become lunch. We've gotta keep someone near 
them all the time to keep them safe."
	"I've gotta go to school, and one of us has to patrol, too," said Buffy 
with a sigh. She was surprised; Faith wasn't generally known to be a big 
humanitarian--she was more the "hunt and stake" type than the "protect 
the innocent" type.
	"No biggy," said Faith nonchalantly, as though she had planned ahead 
rather than just making it up as she went along. "I can stay wherever 
they are during the day, and you can watch them at night. I'll take 
patrol, and you can go to school."
	"Yeah, but when will we sleep?" asked Buffy seriously. "No, there's 
gotta be someone else to help us out..." An idea began to form in her 
head, one that excited and disturbed her at the same time. "And I think 
I know who to ask."
	"Good, we're covered then," Faith said, knowing what was going on in 
Buffy's head--anyone with half a brain could figure out who she was 
going to ask to help out. Faith didn't approve, but she wasn't going to 
butt in either. "I hope one of them's a cute guy," she said quietly as 
she walked away, barely aware that she was even talking.
	Buffy was worried now; all of the Slayerettes had quickly learned that 
Faith was somewhat... liberal... with her affections. To say it more 
honestly, they all thought she was a borderline nymphomaniac. From 
Faith's quickness to volunteer for such a boring assignment when she 
could be out hunting vampires, in addition to her somewhat vague 
attitude, Buffy was starting to get the impression that Faith was in 
heat. Considering that Faith was not only extremely attractive but 
stronger than most weightlifters, if she set her sights on one of the 
mysterious Miss Tendo's teenage children, it was a dead certainty that 
she'd get him.
	Things were beginning to look bad again.

***

	In Ranma's estimation, things didn't look as bad as he first thought.
	Of course, he was viewing them from somewhere in Low Earth Orbit above 
the Tokyo skyline without the benefit of an aircraft, so perhaps his 
perceptions were slightly skewed.
	After Nabiki's surprise revelation that she wanted him to accompany her 
to America on a week-long trip, the emotions of the Tendo and Saotome 
families--only barely controlled under the best of times--exploded 
violently. Soun's thinly veiled threats quickly gave way to Genma's 
sycophantic toadying and fatherly bullying, followed hard upon by 
Akane's wrath, a much simpler, if much more dangerous, emotion. Ignoring 
them as much as he could, he doused himself with hot water, returning 
him to male form, and turned to Nabiki, hoping that she could say 
something to defuse Akane's fury.
	"Why me?" he asked honestly enough. "I mean, why not Akane or someone?"
	"Trying to get rid of me?" asked Akane, her voice low and deadly.
	"I didn't mean it like that," protested Ranma, beginning to give in to 
panic. Ranma was probably one of the best martial artists alive in the 
world, able to face down everything from insane warriors to mystical 
enemies to monsters of legend--but for some reason, Akane getting mad at 
him always inspired deep-set fear in his soul.
	"Simple," said Nabiki, ignoring the rapidly building tension between 
the two. "I need him with me."
	"What?!" demanded Ranma, sure that Akane would summon forth a large and 
damaging mallet any second now and crush him into the floor.
	"I need someone to protect the artifacts I'm transporting," she 
continued, "and I figured who better than our resident martial artist to 
play bodyguard? And before you ask what you're getting out of the 
deal--" Ranma wasn't going to say anything of the sort, mainly because 
he was too stunned to speak-- "you get a free trip to America, a nice 
hotel room, and a little bit of cash to go sightseeing."
	"I don't wanna go to no gaijin country," sneered Ranma. Actually, he 
didn't have a problem with America or its residents; he was privately 
hoping that with Nabiki gone, he could work things out with Akane with 
one less person to interfere. His subconscious moved quickly to blot out 
this sensitive information; he still hadn't admitted his true feelings 
for Akane to anyone--not even himself--and he couldn't let it into the 
forefront of his mind, or he'd probably say something stupid.
	"Well, I'm sorry to hear it," said Nabiki sadly. It was time to play 
her trump card. "Well, it looks like it'll just be us girls then," she 
said, turning to Kasumi and Akane.
	"What?!?!" blurted out so many of those present that it was difficult 
to place exactly who had spoken. It looked like even Kasumi was 
surprised, as she raised one hand to her mouth and gasped, "Oh, my."
	"Oh, didn't I mention?" she asked sweetly. "I want you two to come 
along with me on my trip. And before you start to object, Kasumi, it's 
about time you had a real vacation. I don't think our little trip to 
Togenkyo counts, seeing as how we were all kidnapped halfway through 
it." Leaving Kasumi to think about her words, she turned to her younger 
sister. "Akane, didn't you say you always wanted to visit America? This 
is the perfect opportunity for you! For us all! We need to see a little 
bit of the world before we get too old to enjoy it." By this time, she 
had turned again, and was speaking to her father in her best "rousing 
politician" voice. "Think about it, daddy. You and Mister Saotome got to 
travel around a lot when you were training; don't you think we should 
get that chance?"
	"Well... I suppose..." waffled Soun, and in that moment, Nabiki knew 
that he was sold on the idea. When her father became weepy or stubborn, 
there was no moving him, but the second he began to consider an idea, he 
could be persuaded the rest of the way. Nabiki loved her father dearly, 
but she also realized that he didn't have much in the way of willpower.
	"Then it's settled!" she exclaimed happily, as though the entire issue 
had been dealt with. "Akane, Kasumi, and I will go on a week-long trip 
to America, have a pleasant little sightseeing vacation, and come back, 
rested and revitalized. Oh, dear," she said, dropping into a whisper, as 
though something had just occurred to her. She bit her lip lightly and 
touched her index finger to her chin in a series of completely planned 
gestures. "You know, America's been getting dangerous in the last few 
years... I hope we don't run into criminals... or terrorists..."
	"Criminals?! Terrorists?!" shouted a rapidly panicking Soun Tendo.
	"It's too bad it'll just be us frail, weak little girls..." Nabiki 
continued, now a speech rather than speaking to any one person, shooting 
a quick glare to let Akane know she should be quiet. Akane glowered at 
the mercenary girl, but said nothing. "If only we had someone to protect 
us..."
	"I'll-" started Soun.
	"If only daddy didn't have to stay here and mind the dojo... *sigh*... 
but his honor keeps him from shirking his duties. Oh, the burdens placed 
on our poor father..." Soun Tendo, ever slightly confused, didn't know 
which way to turn, then his eyes fell upon his oldest and most trusted 
friend.
	"Saotome," said the middle-aged martial artist, "I place the 
responsibility for my daughters' safety into your hands." Nabiki had 
expected that, just as she expected what the indefatigable Genma Saotome 
would do: he started for a second, leery of being given responsibility 
for anything, then realized that he had just been given the opportunity 
for a free vacation; he tensed, thinking he would have to do actual 
work, then his eyes lit up with an idea. Nabiki smiled slightly; Mr. 
Saotome's cunning and selfish mind would make him a threat to her 
interests if he weren't so focused on instant gratification. That and he 
was lazy.
	"Hear that, son?" chortled Genma to Ranma. "We're going to America!"
	"Huh?" questioned Ranma. To him, it was a perfectly valid question. A 
few minutes before, he had refused to accompany Nabiki on her trip, and 
that should have been the end of it. But somehow, through a conversation 
that hadn't seemed to be going anywhere at the time, she had convinced 
both her father and his that he was going on the trip anyway. Ranma 
might be a great martial artist, but when it came to interpersonal 
relations, he was a little slow.
	"Listen up, boy," said Genma in a low (but not so low that the others 
couldn't hear) whisper, pulling Ranma in close. "We've just been offered 
a chance to take a free vacation. Free! And all we have to do is make 
sure that those three don't get into too much trouble. It's easy work! 
And," he added, knowing his son's weaknesses well, "if we're out of the 
country, you don't have to worry about those other girls chasing after 
you."
	Ranma paused, seriously considering his father's words. He was right; 
most of Ranma's troubles were confined to Japan, and if he left without 
telling anyone he could escape them for a while. And maybe talk to Ak-
	No, better not to think about it.
	Ranma shivered slightly, thinking about the havoc that his other 
fiancees had wreaked over the past two years in their maniacal attempts 
to split up Akane and himself. Not that they were a couple or anything. 
Sometimes, it wasn't too bad. After all, Shampoo, the blue-haired Amazon 
who had lost to him in a duel and had to marry him thanks to tribal law, 
gave him free meals at her restaurant, the Nekohanten, or "Cat-Cafe". 
Ukyo, his best friend since childhood and affectionately known to him as 
Ucchan, did the same thing at her place, Ucchan's Okonomiyaki; and she 
made the best Japanese pizza in the entire world. He still had trouble 
thinking about her as a "fiancee"; they were just good friends--only his 
idiot father's promise to marry them when they were both five made her 
status shaky.
	And that didn't count all of the miscellaneous girls who either wanted 
him or wanted him dead. Like Kodachi Kuno, the Black Rose of St. 
Hebereke Girls School, a girl who knew what she wanted and wasn't afraid 
to fight dirty to get it. Just the thought of the paralysis powders and 
mind-warping drugs she could bring to bear against an opponent made 
Ranma nervous.
	Leaving Japan also had another major benefit: Ranma's enemies would be 
left behind. Just a week's vacation from the continual duels and martial 
arts challenges would be a wonderful respite. Though none of them could 
match his skill (he was quite proud of this fact), they were all 
extremely dangerous and tiring to fight; he didn't discount the 
possibility that too much of that sort of thing could make him sloppy, 
cause him to slip up. He doubted it, but it was always a remote hazard.
	Ryoga Hibiki, the nigh-invulnerable Lost Boy; Mousse, the Chinese 
master of dark magic; Tatewaki Kuno, the Blue Thunder of Furinkan High, 
and quite possibly the best swordsman in Japan. These foes and more were 
arrayed against Ranma, usually by themselves but sometimes in alliances. 
It often seemed to Ranma that his enemies' numbers increased almost 
weekly. So far, he had taken everything they had to throw at him and 
withstood it (and considering Mousse's ability to instantly summon any 
weapon, they could throw a *lot*). He had always won against them, 
always, but Ranma was tiring after two years of constant in-fighting.
	Even though he now considered Ryoga his best friend, and knew the other 
boy felt the same, they generally expressed it in much the same way they 
always had: beating the living hell out of one another. Despite the fact 
that Mousse knew Ranma had no interest in Shampoo, and despite the fact 
that Shampoo and Mousse were getting along better than they ever had, 
Mousse still felt obligated to bash in Ranma's head with a summoned 
weapon whenever they met. Perhaps the only constant enemy was Kuno; 
though barely an annoyance most of the time, some of his schemes and 
plans rivaled those of his demented sister, Kodachi, and he often 
distracted Ranma at a critical moment.
	Getting away from those psychos was just what the doctor ordered.
	Nabiki's offer looked more tempting with each passing moment.
	Then Genma had to go and screw up everything with one sentence.
	"And it'll give you and Akane a chance to spend time together."
	Ranma's strong chauvinistic streak chose exactly the wrong moment to 
assert itself, bringing his pride to the forefront and disconnecting his 
brain from his mouth. The second he heard himself talk, he knew he was 
in trouble, but his pride forced him to complete his rebuttal.
	"I ain't gonna do *anything* with that uncute tomboy!! Who'd want to?! 
I mean, come on, she's built like a brick, she can't cook, terrible 
temper..." Ranma trailed off, perhaps realizing that he had gone too 
far. With a sense of impending doom, he turned slowly towards the source 
of the sound he was hearing: Akane's teeth, gritting and grinding as she 
reached for a conveniently placed mallet. Ranma tensed, his martial arts 
training telling him to dodge it, his instincts telling him it would be 
worse later if he tried to avoid it now.
	How it could have been worse, he didn't know.
	The mallet took him under the chin in a devastating golf strike, 
Akane's tremendous strength sending her fiancee in an arcing parabola 
that put him through the roof of the dojo and would let him land 
somewhere in Shinjuku District. Undoubtedly, he would land in a puddle 
of water. Cold water. He always did.
	As he rocketed through the roof, he could hear Kasumi rushing to clean 
the debris, Akane panting with exertion, and Soun weeping, unable to 
decide whether to be happy (because they were going on vacation, leaving 
him alone for a week) or sad (because of the ruin that his roof was now 
in) and so alternated between the two. Nabiki yelled out after him, 
"We'll see you in a little while--remember to pack light!"
	And so, looking down from his position high above the city of Tokyo, 
Ranma figured it wasn't all so bad after all. His bruise would be fine 
by the time he landed, and that probably wouldn't hurt him more than a 
few bumps and cuts. As he was headed towards what looked like a park 
with a pond right at the center of his landing site, he would have to 
find hot water, but that was no problem. All in all, it was turning out 
to be a pretty normal day.
	*SPLASH*
	A dripping wet Ranma-chan pulled herself out of the pond, coughing up 
water. At least it had cushioned her fall. Now all she had to do was get 
back to the Tendo Dojo and-
	"Ranma! Prepare to die!" came the roaring battle cry that Ranma knew 
only too well. She sighed, cursing her bad luck. Being hit by Akane, she 
could deal with--it happened all too often for it to bother her anymore. 
Landing in water was almost a certainty--she could deal with that too. 
But having to fight Ryoga after a day like the one she had just had? 
That was beyond the level of crap she would take from the universe in 
one day.
	And since Ryoga was charging with what looked like deadly intent, she 
was going to have a chance to take out her frustrations on someone. 
Ranma-chan smiled grimly.
	Things were starting to look up.


END CHAPTER ONE
Next Time: En Route and On the Run

Questions? Comments? Cries of anguish? Shishi Hokodans?


Cutter Kinseeker
-Chieftain of the Wolfriders
-Holder of New Moon, artifact sword
-Slayer of the dreaded beast Madcoil
-Keeper of Xander's firm belief that he could take Angelus with the help 
of a bunch of orderlies, cops, doctors, and nurses (KBD)
-Keeper of Xander's derisive sneer at Angelus (KBD)
-Keeper of Xander's jaunty stake-whittling tune ("School Hard")
-Keeper of Willow's longing gaze at Xander while he talks about the 
unattainable ("Some Assembly Required")
-Keeper of Giles' masochistic need to spar with Buffy
-Keeper of Cordelia's divine request for aspirin ("School Hard")
-Keeper of Buffy's need for a warning label (KBD)

"AYOOOOOOOOAAAAAAHHH!!!!"
          --Cutter Kinseeker

"From famine to feast and back to famine again."
          --Skywise

Visit the Holt of Cutter Kinseeker
http://www.geocities.com/Area51/Chamber/2234/


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