"Brian Payne" <sofaspud@ior.com> wrote:

  "Yes, I'm afraid it was, Kasumi.  Is Ranma still here?"  Even as she spoke, Nabiki was swiftly gathering her things and hiding breakable objects.  A Ranma-vs.-Ryouga clash, while incredibly impressive to watch (from a safe distance, of course), was hard on the house.  Almost as bad as Akane-vs.-Ranma.  Almost.

Actually, R-R fights would pretty much have to be worse. They last
longer than one blow, have two people doing damage rather than one, and
the attacks are just plain stronger. A perfect Shishi Hokodan probably
wouldn't have left any of the house standing.

BTW, PLEASE wrap your text at 70-80 chrs. per line; it's hard to quote
it when each paragraph is one big line.

  Akane flushed.  "I haven't seen that jerk since this morning.  I heard Ryouga outside - is that what this is all about?"
  Nabiki nodded.  "Yep.  Damage control.  Our insurance rates can't handle another episode like the one last week."
  Akane rolled her eyes.  "That Ranma!  When will he learn to not use a ki-blast in the house?"

Why's she mad at Ranma? I can understand this kind of reaction if they'd
recently had a fight -- or if she's getting defensive because the
parents are trying to marry them off right away... but none of that
seems to be the case here. Yes, she does call him a jerk, but not for no
reason at all.

  "Why you stupid Amazon no good lousy ugly -"

Whoa! I can't imagine Ryoga talking that way to a woman even if she HAD
just flattened him. I'd tone those remarks way down.


The writing on this is pretty good... the problem I see is that it gives
no real idea of where it's going. So far all we have is a day in the
life of the characters. It does seem to be vaguely hinting at a
Ryoga-Nabiki relationship... (and Akari seems to have quietly
disappeared... AGAIN.... **grumble**) but if that's supposed to be the
eventual point of it, it's not there so far.


Gary Kleppe
http://www.execpc.com/~kleppe/comics