Quantum Destinies
A Ranma Fanfic
By Steven Thesken (jurai-knight@home.com)

All I can say is, "Cool!"  I went back and read the original draft of this
before going over the revisions.  You've done an excellent job with the
rework.

   "Mommy is so proud of you, 'Biki-Bushi-chan," she remembered
her mother always saying with a loving smile on her face.  "You keep
training like that, and someday you'll be a great warrior."

Biki-Bushi-chan?  That is way too cute. ^_^

   "I am Cherry," said the ugly, little, wizened figure.  "Just a simple,

The references to other anime bother me a little, but maybe that's just a
personal preference.

*SYSTEM HAS 12 QUANTUM COORDINATES STORED IN
STABLE MEMORY

If I could rant about one thing in fanfics (and fiction in general), it
would be people's misunderstanding of what a rough program actually looks
like.  Allow me a moment on my soapbox, using your story as an example.

Computer programmers are inherintly lazy, and computer programs are
inherintly unfriendly.  Programmers avoid complete sentences whenever
possible, preferring quick messages and LOTS of abbreviations.  For
instance, a session with the Quantum Neural Resonator might go something
like this:

QNR
POST...
OK
FIRMWARE...
OK
QCOIL...
OK
NIS...
OK
QCOORDS...
10 COORDS
OK
CMD? ACTIVATE(SCAN(RAND()))
TIME? 60M
WAIT ON SIGNAL_NIH
SEARCH...
FOUND: 0016-502
ACTIVATE...
OK
WAIT ON SIGNAL_TIME
RECALL...
OK

The way you have it is not too unreasonable, but programs that make sense to
the average human being are a recent invention.  It takes an incredible
amount of effort to make programs understandable and consistent, effort that
a guy in a lab may not be willing to make.  After all, who's going to use
the program besides him?

As I said, the way you have it now is not too bad, and I may be the only
person on the planet to object.  A possible change would be to write out a
cryptic computer-ese line, then follow it with a translation.

"
Ranma could have used one of the parallel's coordinates that he had
already obtained during his earlier limited tests, but he decided that
the first full-powered test should be to a new parallel scanned from
scratch.  That way would test the complete system, from initial scan to
final recall.

CMD? ACTIVATE(SCAN(RANDOM()))
TIME? 60M

Ranma took the precaution of locking the lab door.  The recall
mode for the Resonator had been set for an hour.  *That
should give me sufficient time to look around.*
"

Or something in-between, using slightly less-cryptic phrases.

Anyways, that's my five yen on the matter.

At the risk of overdoing the praise, I want to say that this is a fun and
exciting story.  I'm looking forward to the next chapter!

-- Craig Putnam
Sailor Singularity
(and wanna-be computer programmer)