ANIME DEATH MATCH
Inspired by MTV's Celebrity Death Match.

WARNING: Gratuitous Language and Extreme Violence will be depicted.  
Don't watch if it makes you queasy.

===================================

	[Scene: Two people sitting in a titanium tower overlooking a ring.  
Thousands of fans are cheering or booing.  The roar is continous, 
though.  We look to the two in the tower.]

?????: Welcome to Anime Death Match.  I'm ????? Diamond.

A-kun: And I'm A-kun Daniels.  ?????, tonight's Anime Death Match 
promises to be a big one.  Ura vs. Mokona for the "Cutest Anime Thing 
Ever", Fred from Scooby Doo vs. Tsubasa Kurenai for the "Master of 
Disguise" title, Scooby from Scooby Doo vs. Astro from the Jetsons for 
the "Biggest Coward Ever" title, and Dangaio vs. Voltron in a grudge 
match.

?????: And our title match, A-kun, Ash and C-chan vs. those two jerks 
that wrote R*P*M* and a few other jerks!

A-kun: Yes, the title match will be something to see!  
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!

?????: Wait a minute, that's not what the title match is supposed to be!  
It's Jinnai Katsuhiko vs. Tatewaki Kuno.

A-kun: No time for a comparison of both teams for the first fight, both 
Ura and Mokona are eager to finish this fight.

============================================================================

	[Scene: The Ring.  Setsuna waits for both Ura and Mokona to stop acting 
cute and come near the center of the ring.]

Setsuna: Okay, I don't want any assists from anyone in the audience, try 
to keep the 'formerly unknown powers' to a bare minimum and no wedgies, 
Ura!  [Ura lowers her head]  Now, let's get it on!

	[Ura starts by pouncing on Mokona.  However, since Ura was declawed a 
few months ago, both Mokona and Ura are just bapping each other around.  
Mokona, because of it's cute, but pudgy body takes little damage.  Ura, 
because of her natural battle-armor like skin, takes little damage as 
well.]

?????'s VO: It looks like neither of them can do effective damage to one 
another.

A-kun's VO: This is going to be a loooooong fight.

?????'s VO: WAIT!  Looks like Ura's really going to do something!

	[Suddenly, Ura stands up on her hindlegs and takes up a martial artist 
fighting stance.  Mokona begins sweating.  Ura lunges with a perfect 
jump-kick, knocking Mokona back.  Ura follows with a round-house, 
smacking Mokona back further.  Ura then rolled forward and double-kicked 
Mokona against the altered ring ropes.  Ura rolled again, this time, 
using her mane to blind Mokona before upper-cutting the marshmallow-like 
creature.  Ura backed off to let Mokona sink to it's knees.]

Hikaru: MOKONA!! *WHAP* *THUD*

	[Pluto lowers her Time Key Staff.  The rest of the Magic Knights of 
Rayearth decide not to chance their luck.]

Makoto: Ura!  Don't kill her!

Ura: Nyaaaah!

Mokona: [weakly] Puuuu.....

	[Suddenly, a giant spaceship appears above the ring and blasts both 
Mokona and Ura into next Tuesday, literally (so the kiddies won't cry).  
The spaceship suddenly reverts into... Ryo-ohki!]

?????'s VO: MY LORD, A-KUN, RYO-OHKI HAS CLAIMED THE 'CUTEST ANIME THING 
EVER AWARD'!

A-kun's VO: I guess it's fitting.

Ryo-ohki: MIYA!

============================================================================

	[Scene: The Tower.  A-kun and ????? have finished reading A-kun's 
latest MST.]

A-kun: A bit much?

?????: I guess.

A-kun: Comparison?

?????: Maybe a short one.


Fred from Scooby Doo:

- Really a woman

- Has been fooling people of all ages for over ten years.

- And recently tried to put the moves on Tsubasa's wife, Konatsu, who 
has also been pulling the wool over people's eyes.


A-kun: Hmmm, intriguing.


Tsubasa Kurenai:

- Fools a good majority of people the first few times they see him.

- Has even fooled readers by taking Ukyou's place at the end of the 
series.

- And nearly killed Happosai, who sought a pair of panties from 'him'


?????: And let's not forget that he even got to kiss Makoto Kino in one 
episode of Sailor Moon S.  Looks like they're ready to fight.

============================================================================

	[Scene: The Ring.  Setsuna is tapping her foot while waiting for the 
combatant to show up.]

A-kun's VO: I think their hiding in the ring posts.

?????'s VO: Nope, I say the ropes.

Tsubasa: [leaping down from one of the spotlights... because he IS the 
spotlight] I'm here. [tauntingly] I don't see my opponent anywhere.

Fred: Hahahahaha!  That's because _I'm_ the master of diguise.  [leaps 
out of the ropes]

Tsubasa: GYAH!  [Setsuna leaps into the rafters]

Fred: Now to reveal my REAL form!  TRANSFORM-O TRUE FORM-O!  FATORA!

A-kun's VO: Hey!  That's from Crono Trigger!

?????'s VO: Nevermind that!  Fred was really Fatora from El Hazard?!!?

	[Fatora smiles evilly as she takes up a fighting stance.]

Fatora: Another thing no one knows about me is that I have spectacular 
fighting skills.

Ranma Saotome: [moaning from the audience] No crap....

Terry Bogard: [moaning from the audience] Not even Krauser was as tough 
as Fatora...

	[Fatora lunges at Tsubasa, who shrieks-]

Tsubasa: KAME HAME HA!!

Fatora: WHAT?!

	*BOOOOOOOM*

	[Fatora is sent back against the ropes.]

Tsubasa: You're not the only one who hid martial talents.

Fatora: GRRR!!  MOUKO TAKABISHA!!!

Tsubasa: MOUKO TAKABISHA!!!

	*BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM*

	[Both go flying back against the ropes.]

Tsubasa: Man, I'm getting turned on.

Fatora: Me too!

	[Fatora and Tsubasa leap at each other, kiss, then fall to the mat.]

?????'s VO: Oh, for the love of- somebody get the hose!

============================================================================

	[Scene: ????? and A-kun are talking.]

?????: It's just like that deal you and Huh? have, A-kun.  It's not that 
I don't understand that sort of thing, it's just that I can't stand 
seeing or hearing about it.

A-kun: Anyway, our next match is gonna be a long one.  I think- [a piece 
of paper is handed to A-kun] BOTH CHICKENED OUT!?

?????: Well, we still have another fight. A big one in fact.  Literally.  
Dangaio vs. Voltron.  It's going to be a major battle at least.

A-kun: I think you're right.  And for those who don't know, we're using 
the five lions, not that fifteen part piece of s#!+.  They're entering 
the battle arena now.

?????: Special Referees, the Power Rangers, are going to tell both sides 
the rules.

============================================================================

	[The Power Rangers in their Megazord (first stage) wait until both team 
near the center.]

Red Ranger: Okay, I don't wanna see any either of you whining, I don't 
wanna see either teams running away or you'll be disqualified and I 
ESPECIALLY don't wanna hear any jokes about how stupid _ANYONE'S_ zords 
look, while transforming or otherwise.

	[The Dan Fighters start strafing the Lions, who retaliate by launching 
hundreds of Ground-to-Air missiles and Flak shells.]

Mia Alice: DANGAIO CROSS-FIGHT!

Ken: FORM VOLTRON!  DYNO-THERMS ARE GOOD, MEGATHRUSTERS ARE READY!  GO 
VOLTRON FORCE!

	[In a minute, both Voltron and Dangaio stand ready for battle.  Dangaio 
lunges at Voltron, who unleashes fire from it's hands.  Unfortunately, 
Dangaio is immune to fire.]

Roll Kran: YOU'RE FINISHED!!  DANGAIO SWORD!  [Dangaio's sword forms]

Ken: FORM BLAZING SWORD! [Voltron's sword forms.]

	[Dangaio and Voltron begins swinging wildly, accidentally hitting the 
Megazord in the process.]

Red Ranger: THAT'S IT!  WE NEED THE MEGASWORD POWER NOW!

	[Megazord grabs it's sword as it falls from the sky (hitting both 
Dangaio and Voltron in the process).]

Rangers: You're finished!

	[The Megazord slashed, blowing Voltron's deflection shield and it's 
engine, leaving the giant robot dead on it's feet.  The Megazord slashed 
again, knocking Dangaio on the head, sending the other robot crashing to 
the ground.]

?????'s VO: Looks like this grudge isn't going to end any time soon.

A-kun's VO: No kidding.  In fact, it's probably just gotten bigger.

============================================================================

	[Scene: The Tower.  ????? and A-kun have just finished discussing the 
advantages of the Green Latern's ring vs. Dangaio's sheer size.]

A-kun: This last fight is our main event.

?????: Hey, it's starting!

A-kun: What?!  Setsuna hasn't even begun to explain the rules!

	[The audience gasps.]

?????: Well, looks like Jinnai lost again.

A-kun: Talk about losing your head.

?????: That's not funny, A-kun.

A-kun: Though a short fight, it was impressive.

?????: Indeed, A-kun.  I'm ????? Diamond.

A-kun: And I'm A-kun Daniels, saying "Good Fight"-

?????: And "Good Night"!

============================================================================

	Well, this is the fourth episode of Anime Death Match.

	Send all Comments and Criticism to:
	akun16@hotmail.com

	No Flames.
	Flames will be deleted without being read.

	A-kun:
	Ex-Flamer, now reformed
	Spammer, some-what reformed
	Worshipper of Ukyou Kuonji
	Novice Paladin at the Church of the One True Ucchan
	Drooling fanboy of Makoto Kino, Mai Shiranui, Linna Yamazaki, Priss 
Asagari, Sylia Stingray, Tifa Lockheart, Nene Romanova, Kasumi Tendo, 
Nodoka Saotome, Ifurita (OVA), and Ami Mizuno

	?????:
	Worshipper of Nabiki Tendo
	Moderator for combat
	And often takes up this expression: O_o
	Or this one: o_O
	Or this one: O_O
	Or this one: X_X
	Or sometimes even this: XP-|-<

	TharzZzDunN:
	No reliable information available, but we have some interesting rumors

	Rumor 1 - Really David Letterman.

	Rumor 2 - Really REALLY David Letterman.

	Rumor 3 - Licks Chickens.

	Rumor 4 - Just Kidding.

	Rumor 5 - Was Nabiki Tendo's plush toy Evangelion-Ryo-ohki.

	Rumor 6 - Got lost for thirty years in the mountains of Kansas.

	Rumor 7 - Was crowned Queen of Georgia.

	Rumor 8 - Rumor 7 isn't a rumor.

	Rumor 9 - Rumor 8 isn't a joke.

	Rumor 10 - No, really, Rumor _9_ is true.

	Rumor 11 - Was once caught in a bathtub having an affair with a new 
squeak toy.

	Rumor 12 - Found the 'Ark of the Covenant', traded it for some shiny 
nukes.

	Rumor 13 - There is no rumor 13, it's his lucky number  :p Beedah!

	Rumor 14 - Here's one for the gipper!

	Parlor 15....uh-oh!  He's infected your computer!  Quick, burn it to 
death, then bury the ashes in a ball of Daka and seal it into a 
Protoculture Plant!

	Rumor 1.6 - Thinks Keener lacks imagination and string cheese.  "You 
haven't got the spray canisters to take me on, Keener!  You can't handle 
MY special chili sauce LCL!  Hugs and Kisses - TharzZzy"

	Rumor 17 - Likes giving 'Special' massages to

	Rumor 18 - Rumor 17 almost got us sued.

	Rumor 19 - Taking on cheese is a gouda way to get your butt kicked.

	Rumor 20 - That's just bad pun-ishment, A-kun.

	Rumor 21 - We've secretly replaced The Eye of God with A-chan's Porno 
collection on fire.  Let's see if the people of El Hazard notice.... 
Nah, they're not that smart.  *TWHAMGF*

	Rumor 22 - There is no Rumor 22.  It's TharzZzy's unlucky number.

	Rumor 23 - We've also secretly replaced Shinji Ikari's LCL with 
Folger's Crystals.  Let's watch to see if he notices the difference.... 
"AAACCKK!! PHTOOOO!  ACCKK!  MISATO!  ASUKA!  REI!  RITSUKO!  SOMEONE'S 
TRYING TO KILL ME BY MAKING ME DRINK LUKE WARM COFFEE!!  With those cute 
little marshmallows......Uh-oh.....Um, Misato, I gotta ask, are these 
plug-suits equipped with an internal catheter?"

	Until next time!





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