Insert generic disclaimers.

*** *** ***   *** Cut Here  ***   *** *** ***

               *** F I S H ! ***
An insane fusion of Red Dwarf and DBZ
                By Ryo Hoshi

	Two Point Five: The Solid Light Upgrade


	Ai had spent her first night searching the computers.
	She wanted to be solid, to touch things again.
	This would be, in normal conditions, an acceptable wish.  However, this was
not normal conditions.
	She found a way, however, to be solid again.  It would not provide her with a
true body, but that, she decided, could wait.

	*** *** ***

	I gasped.  In surprise, of all things.
	I had heard rumors that the scientists on board had been working on some way
of making a solid light hologram, but I hadn't believed them for a second.
	But it was true.  In SciL1003 - I looked up the translation of the name: it
meant "Science lab set up for studying light and related subjects, deck ten,
room three" -- there was a chip that, integrated with the circuitry that was
running my program, would upgrade my abilities.
	It would let me become solid again.
	I checked the files, hoping not to have to head up to deck ten for the chip.
It was still, after all, quarantined.  Don't want any mutant germs turning
Trunks-chan into a sexless drone!  Then again, it could also turn him into a
total letch.  I know that I wouldn't mind that *IF* I was solid, but it might
annoy Neko.  (And, frankly, I had this feeling that annoying Neko might have
extremely less then desirable results.)

	*** *** ***

	The computer beeped.  Again.  I hit my head on the holographic keyboard I had
summoned up.  "What is it now, Holli?"
	"Don't snap at me."
	"I'll snap at whomever I want to!"
	Holli sighed.  "Could you pass a message on to Trunks for me?"
	"Why should I run errands for you?"
	"He's taking a shower.  If you hurry, you might just..."
	"Ah."  I got up and started to leave.
	"Ai, if you wait a few seconds, I'll give you the message *and* the precise
location of where Trunks is.  You'll get there faster that way..."
	"Give me the message, quick!"
	"Tell him to turn up in the infirmary in thirty minutes.  I want to check his
mind."
	"T'ank'u'i!" I said, managing to mangle the language even worse then Nuku had
when she had that strange cold.

	*** *** ***

	I doubt anyone could believe some of the betting pools there were back when
there was a crew to the Red Dwarf.  (Three people is *not* a crew, I keep
telling Holli, of course, and she always says that there are five people on
board.  As soon as I can, I'm running the full set of diagnostics, and to hell
with her protests.)
	They were usually hentai, running the gambit from the captain's sexual
preferences to, well, you wouldn't wish to know.
	I cleared out betting pools 5 through 10 into my account, wondering what
would be the use for over five million what with humanity probably extinct.
If Nabiki was still alive, she probably would have given me some advice, but
she wasn't alive anymore (and her personality file was missing), so I couldn't
ask her.

	*** *** ***

	I left the communications room, wondering what could have happened on Earth,
all that time ago.  I shook my head to clear it and returned to the computers,
wanting to find that chip soon.

	*** *** ***

	"Ai?"
	"What now, Holli?"
	"Trunks is going to kill himself."
	"That's news?"
	"Yes."
	"Note to self: check Holli for sense of humor."
	"Huh?"
	"If you have to ask, you'll never know.  You want me to snap him out of it,
then?"
	"Yes."
	"What's in it for me?"
	"I'll run the check on where the circuit is right now for you."
	"You've got a deal!"
	"Head over to the kitchen."

	*** *** ***

	I left the kitchen without even talking to Trunks.  I wasn't sure that it
would have been healthy, even though I'm a hologram and therefore,
technically, invulnerable.
	I wandered the ship, looking for Neko.  She might be able to do something.

	*** *** ***

	I decided that it wasn't worth challenging Holli's comment on humans not
making sense.  I wanted just to go into sleep mode, so I would feel fresh when
I went to claim the info that Holli owed me the next morning.
	All things considered, I guess I've had a good 'day.'

*** *** ***   *** Author's notes/rant ***   *** *** ***

	A bit of explanation:
	I was going to include this in Two, but it would have disrupted the mental
flow.
	So I am putting it in this half-bit, taking place at the same time as Two.
Think of it as clipped bits.
	Note, please, that most of this is being told in the first person.  This is
part of why it got clipped...


		--Ryo Hoshi
"Great.  My one bit in this scene and I get upstaged by a mallet."
		--Steph from Freakazoid, episode/fragment: "The Lobe"