counted on was how difficult the journey there and back again would be.

There and back again? Returning to her hole, is she? ^_^

	Her stomach rumbled, demanding to be fed. When she'd left
Yinchuan, the food and water in her pack had seemed like a terrible
burden. Now she wished it had been more. She needed food, and sleep. Her

Maybe I'm just misreading, but...
"Now she wished there had been more of it." 
or
"Now she wished it had been more of one."

	Somewhere ahead, an animal howled. Ti Pi knew that rabid dogs
hunted in this part of the country. With her Amazon strength and
training, fighting the beasts off wouldn't be a problem -- if she heard
them coming. As she continued to walk, she stretched her senses to the

Rabid dogs don't usually come sneaking silently, do they? Or is
it just me having a picture of frothing, mad beasts? ^_^

utmost, trying to take in everything she could. A cool breeze blew
across her face. Insects chirped in an endless, monotonous rhythm. There
was no sign of anything remotely human.

I'd cut "there was". (though that's probably not technically correct)

	There were no people.

How about a "But" here, to emphasize the contrast?

	Ti Pi spent over an hour searching through Zhiwu, looking for
any clue as to what had happened to the population. She found none. Had
the General already sent his armies in this direction, and decided to
wipe out this village simply because it had been in the way? Or had the
people here simply fled? She didn't know.

You'd think there'd be some *signs* of it, had the village been
wiped out. ^_^

('course, there could be a point in there not necessarily being
any signs of destruction; I guess that remains for me to see^H^H^Hread)

	She looked up at the sky. The moon gleamed brightly amidst the
canopy of stars. The hills and craters seemed to form a face. It bore an
enigmatic smirk  -- as if to say, *I know something that you don't.*

IMO "a face - a face bearing an"
           or possibly a comma here (esp with -- later)

	Instinctively, she inched away from her position, off to the
side of the road. A rocky spire stood nearby; she moved around, as
noiselessly as she could manage, to crouch behind it. Footsteps

IMO, "nearby, and she"

	The light panned along the road where she had been standing. Her
mind raced as she considered her options. She remembered a path leading
to the village that she'd used many times when she had played out here
as a child. She could picture in her mind exactly how it looked -- but
would she be able to find it in the dark?

"village, one she'd"
        or --

	The sensible thing to do would be to turn around now and sneak
away. Go back to Cunzhuang, or even all the way to Xining, and wait for
help. If they had beaten all of sisters, how could she possibly win? And
how would her walking into certain death help them?

I'd think solidarity ("the notion that everybody should have it equally
bad", as one of my friends put it) would be a strong point with
these folks... but then again, maybe not.

	She was probably harder on Zhen than she should be, but she
didn't want to do anything that might encourage him. He was exactly the
type of man whom she disliked -- all muscle, and no brains. And ever
since she had let him kiss her, he had seemed to think that they were
someday going to be wife and husband. She'd wanted to know what a boy's
kiss felt like. She had liked him, but not enough to commit her whole
life to him.

He snared her down, didn't he? (or does the "outsider only" bit have
a firm base in The Source? I forget)

	"Yes, Elder," Ti Pi replied formally, excitement washing away

Just a spontaneous thought... do the chinese names contain any
hidden puns most of us will never find? ^_^

circumstances, it was hardly something to cheer about, but it was still
the realization of a lifelong ambition.

"but still the2

	Though Ryoga presently looked nothing like the black piglet, it
still felt as if he were looking into a mirror. It had taken Akari a lot
of searching to find a miniature pig -- what she called a "pig-my" --

gnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnrgh...

	Ryoga walked over and reached forward hesitantly toward the
animal, to scratch it under the chin the way Akane used to do to him.
The pig snorted angrily as its teeth chomped down sharply on Ryoga's
finger. "Aaaaaa!"

h0h0h0h0h0h0h. This feels good, somehow. ^_^

	Akane stared back at him in wide-eyed confusion. "Why on Earth
would I hate you? Ryoga, it's not *your* fault that you're afraid of
pigs!"

*grin*

Though I think Ryouga would be even *more* nervous than he was
shown to be.

	"Yes!" Ryoga laughed, almost maniacally. "Afraid of pigs! Not
completely cured! But getting better! Hahaha!"

ALMOST maniacally? ^_^

	It was so easy to push Ranma's buttons, Ryoga thought. If it had
been him... he had to admit it probably would've been just as easy.

It did seem almost a bit *too* easy here.

	"Giving my ribbon a name as if it were... alive." Kodachi
smirked. "How amusing. Let us get on with this, shall we?"

...a sweatdrop on the back of head indicating her worry at the
possible discovery of her secret research into genetics.

er.

or maybe not? ^_^

	"Ready?" Soun repeated. Ranma and Kodachi nodded. Soun lowered
his arm. "Then begin!"

Soun - Soun. Try something different for the second one?

	Ranma waited casually, arms at his side. Though he normally
didn't like fighting women, he was going to enjoy this. Kodachi had
evidently learned a few new moves, and now thought she was hot stuff
because she could beat her idiot brother. It was time for someone to
take her down a peg, and he was just the guy to do it.

OK, now we *know* he's going to loose.

	"And I vote for her to go with us." Mu Si slipped his glasses on
as everyone looked at him. "Sorry, Akane, but it's my homeland that's
being threatened. If she's good enough to beat Ranma, then we need her
kind of power on our side."

*grumbling about how it went _too_ fast* (the fight, that is)

	All eyes turned to Kasumi. "Me? Well, I think we should give
Kodachi a chance. She said that she was only teasing you, Ranma. Why
shouldn't we believe her?"

Because she'll have a lot more opportunity for mischief while
they're "alone" in China and in-part forced to rely on her? Wouldn't
somebody make the ol' "she's just trying to weazel in" observation?

	"I ain't letting you come 'cause I trust you." He looked her in
the eyes with as much force as he could manage. "I'm letting you come so
I can keep an eye on you."

Like she wouldn't know that already, after the last comment. ^_^

	"I hardly think it matters, given the circumstances," Lan said,
addressing Bi. "The message I received from the Mongol leader was quite
clear. Our village would join his nation. He asked that we do so
voluntarily, but there was little doubt that he was not offering us an
option to refuse."

*silently wonders what the world looks like when a village of
melee combatants even _matters_ in a big-scale war(?)*

	"Their leader is usually referred to as the General. Reportedly,
he came to power in Mongolia in a coup. Some call him Khaan. He's

How original. ^_^

reputed to be a man of great personal power. Curiously, though, some
people claim that they've seen the General and that he's actually a
woman."

*conspiracy theory* The General is actually Kodachi, who's infiltrated
the Ranma gang to make sure they don't stop her? ^_^

	"Are there any further questions for the agent?" Bi asked. "If
not, then perhaps she should be excused."

Waaah! But I *want* to know! ^_^

attitude. Ranma seemed to think that he had a right to have beautiful
women at his beck and call -- even when he treated them like dirt. Women

I don't really see how this relates to *this* case, which is more
of his refusal to lose.

	It had been outrageous of Ranma to try to keep Kodachi from
going to China. The team could've lost a good fighter -- possibly its
strongest member -- all because she was better than he was. All because
she had given him a well-deserved and long overdue kick in the ego.

Would Ranma have not abjected to having Kodachi around, even were
she *not* better than him? Yahright.

Of course, I'm just saying this because I like him. ^_^

	Mu Si felt as if his dinner were about to come up. How phony
could you get? And yet Shan Pu's eyes sparkled as she looked back at the
kendoist. He was laying it on thick, and she was eating it up.

Woohoo! *grin*

	Mu Si drifted back into the living room. He'd thought that he
was over her, he really had.  But at that moment, he knew that he would
*never* truly be over Shan Pu.

Surprised, anyone? ^_^

	She slid the bedroom window open. The bird flew into the air,
and out of sight. The window slammed shut. Kui lay on the bed and tried
to sleep.

*silently hoping that this plothook isn't used in the cliche manner*

	"Akane, I like Ukyo, really I do. But sometimes it seems like
she's a few cups of flour short of an okonomiyaki. Know what I mean?
Just calling her 'cute' was enough to make her go from wanting to kick
my butt to wanting me to marry her."

Hoho. Take every chance, do you, Gary? ^_-

	"I-- I don't know." She wanted to believe that Kodachi was
telling the truth. Maybe it was because the thought of crazy old Kodachi
becoming more powerful than Ranma was so frightening. "I think we should
get some sleep now, OK? We have to get up early tomorrow."

Gaah. I know it's correct as it is, but even after reading the sentence
again and again, my mind keeps trying to interpret the sentence
as "Ranma was so frightening", reading the "than" as "that" and
ending up with an awkward mismatch.

	Maybe Kodachi wasn't using a trick. Maybe she had spent the past
seven years doing nothing but training. Ranma hadn't. Not with the
intensity he had in high school, anyway. What if while he had been
taking college courses and starting a family, she had been learning
martial arts techniques from someone as good as Ke Lun?

Yeah! So tell us already!%�!"#&%"#& !#&!%! ^_^

	A ki power. Kodachi had been training in serious martial arts
for how long? The last few years? And she already had an attack that
could make Ranma helpless. Akane had been training in Anything Goes
since she was a child, and she could barely generate enough ki to make a
tiny ripple in the kitchen faucet water.

That could make a Ranma totally unaware of the technique helpless.
Not the same thing. ^_^

able to make her own magic come.

Her magic come? err...

uh, second thought, forget that. *grin*

	Zhen Biaozi rolled the bicycle forward, passing it to Mu Si.
"Your answer?"

Argh. ARGH. ARHGGGGGGGGGGGG3&�"#&"�#&�& Did you really *have* to?

I really didn't like the inclusion of this bit. Even worse than the
scene with the betraying elder, and even *more* than there, I hope
it is at least put to good use.

watch. "They'd better hurry." She wore a faded pair of jeans and a red
Ikasama University T-shirt. The smile she gave Ukyo was cautious, but

Really, I think the gang should start being a little more careful
with what institutions they use. ^_^

	"That's right, Kasumi." Genma beamed a self-satisfied smile. "I
figure you young folks can benefit by having someone along who's wiser
and more experienced."

Wiser? No way, and I sincerily doubt the "more experienced" bit, too. ^_^

	Ti Pi rose, stretching her arms behind her as she yawned. After
a night's sleep, she felt clear and focused. Whatever the day might
bring, she would be ready for it.

Suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuure she would. ^_^
	

Gary Kleppe

OK. What's there to say "in general"?

Expectations on HaM have become so haussed I don't even think I can
trust myself to judge it. At least not yet.

Despite that though, I feel as though this is a *type* of story I
won't really like as much as, for example, the preludes. Still, I
guess that's just my loss.

Also, so far it feels almost a bit over-cliched in parts. Yeah,
I realize many of the patterns are probably started upon mainly to
be able to *break* them, but at this point it feels like a bit too
much. Most obvious examples, as noted in the comments, are the
"betraying Elder" and "Mousse given a chance to defect" scenes.


---
Ronny Hedin, thark@hem2.passagen.se, http://nabiki.newberry.edu/thark/
                    "Momomoto, famous japanese, can swallow his nose."