AUTHOR'S NOTE: The characters in this fanfic are the property of their
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the author's prior written consent.


CUTEY YUFFIE
A FF7-Cutey Honey crossover by Brian Stricklin


Episode 1 - The Materia Girl!  The Warrior of Light appears.
 
     Like the angry eye of Death itself, Meteor plunged toward
Midgar, its gravitational pull reducing the buildings to swirling
columns of steel and dust.  Red bolts of lightning arced in the
space between, and it seemed certain that the destruction of the
Planet was inevitable.  Even when the power of Holy was awakened,
lancing out to shield Migdar from Meteor's wrath, the White Materia
soon weakened in the face of the Black.  And then, guided by a
familiar hand, the Lifestream lent its energy to Holy, and together
they protected the Planet from Sephiroth's evil handiwork.  Meteor 
was shattered by the pure white light that engulfed it, and its
fragments were scattered far and wide in an explosion that thundered
across the Planet.
     And then, in the stillness that followed, a voice far, far to the
west of Midgar spoke, in a slightly smug tone.
     "Told you so."

     The dojo was a shambles.  Walls that had been designed for their
artistic beauty and serene dignity had been no match for the
shockwave that had followed Meteor's destructions, despite the
fact that Wutai was on the other side of the Planet from Midgar,
more or less.  Still, the population had put their backs into the
rebuilding project, and even now Wutai was returning to
its former glory. 
     At the moment, a group of five people were repairing the dojo. 
And four of them were about ready to throttle the fifth.
     "Didn't I say so?  I tell ya, if you guys hadn't listened to
me we'd be in big trouble right about now.  Good thing I knew what was
going on before anyone else did.  I said: 'Guys,' I said, 'We
can't go rushin' into things just because the world's gonna be
destroyed.'  And you didn't listen at first, but I..."
     "Shut up, Shake," Staniv grunted as he lifted an ancient pedestal
back into position.  "We've already heard it five thousand times."
     "Five thousand, three hundred and twelve, to be exact," noted a
middle-aged woman from her position at a writing desk.  "And even
you must admit that if the Planet needed the prophecy to be
fulfilled, its imminent destruction would have been a good clue." 
Chekhov smiled slightly as she finished copying a torn training scroll
onto new parchment.
     Shake shook his head.  "Didn't fit, though.  The prophecy's
vague, but it doesn't mention anything about the sky falling, or
empires crumbling, or some insane yo-yo trying to become a
god."
     Gorky effortlessly righted a statue of the Buddha and carefully
dusted it off.  "'The Four shall become One, and the Two shall
spread fear and chaos in their wake,'"  he quoted.  "'Only the
Three led by the One that is Many may triumph, as Light triumphs
over Darkness.'  That last bit was somewhat misleading, I think."
     "Well, maybe to *you*, but I saw right..."
     "Shut UP!"  Staniv loomed over Shake, a katana mysteriously
appearing in his hand.  "It's been three weeks already!  Knock it
OFF!"
     "Wanna fight, huh?  C'mon, I'll take ya on!"  The young boy
touched his forehead.  "Speed..."
     "Enough."  All eyes turned toward Godo, who was meticulously
restoring an intricate tapestry.  "If we have learned anything from all
this, it is that she is capable of greatness, and is not the... what was
it 
you said that one time, Shake?  'Bimbo', wasn't it?... that she once
was."
     There was a brief chuckle, one that even Shake joined in on. 
"Okay, okay.  Point taken."
     "Good."  Godo stood up and walked over to a window, his hands
behind his back.  "Even I had my doubts before, but now I'm sure
that when the Two arrive, she shall be up to the task of defeating
them."  He smiled slightly.  "Saving the Planet can be looked upon
as good practice."
     "Let's just hope that things are back to normal before they show
up," Gorky noted wryly, looking around at the mess.  "Thank
Da-Chao that the damage wasn't worse, eh, Godo?"
     When there was no response, everyone turned to look at the
mayor of Wutai, who was standing motionlessly at the window. 
"Something up, boss?"  Shake asked.
     "I see a shooting star."
     The others clustered around him, and indeed, a light of bright
light was etching its way across the sky.  "There have been quite a
few of those lately,"  Chekhov noted.  "I heard that they are
tiny bits of Meteor, burning up as they hit our atmosphere.  Holy
destroyed any fragments large enough to damage the Planet - there's
nothing to worry about."
     "Hey, there's another!"
     "Quite a coincidence."
     "They're over the ocean, anyway - I don't think it's anything
to..."
     "They seem to be heading toward each other."
     Godo simply watched.
     "And there is a third."
     "Is it just me, or do they seem to be going awfully slow?"
     "There's a fourth, but it's going nowhere near the... meteorites
can't change course, can they?"
     "Must be a trick of the light."
     There was a pause.
     "And I suppose the way they're spinning around each other is
another trick of the light?"
     "Um..."
     "You... you don't suppose..."
     "Godo, do you think that..."
     His expression was motionless, the swirling lights reflected in his
eyes.
     "Godo!"
     The meteorites met in a soundless detonation.  One could almost
think that there was a face amid the flash of light, a menacing,
demonic face... and then a single glowing particle streaked off over
the horizon, toward the mainland.
     There was silence in the dojo, as the occupants were waiting to
see who would be first to put words around what they were all
thinking.
     As it turned out, it was Staniv.  "The Four shall become One."
     "Da-Chao preserve us,"  Gorky whispered.  "The Second Stanza. 
I hadn't even considered its implications.  Perhaps it was foolish to
think we would be able to rest."
     "How can ya be so calm?  Godo, what're we gonna do?!"
     "Do?"  And amazingly, Godo chuckled.  "We'll do what we've
been waiting to do for the last four hundred years."  He looked at
Chekhov.  "Retrieve her.  The rest of us will prepare the
Pagoda for her arrival."
     The woman nodded respectfully.  "Of course, Godo.  And... if
she won't come willingly?"
     He shrugged.  "Remind her what day it is.  That should bring her
here... out of spite, if nothing else."  She smiled at the thought, and
bowed as she left the dojo.
    
     The new tiling was almost her undoing - smooth and freshly
waxed, it proved a bit too slick to get a good footing, especially
when she tried to turn a corner.  She desperately grabbed at a door
handle as she started to slip, and managed to send herself in the right
direction just before a hail of gunfire took a large chunk out of the
wall.
     "Slippery little...!" a voice behind her shouted.  "Get back here!"
     *Yeah, right.*  Fortunately, since she'd helped construct it, she
knew the layout of this building well, and knew exactly where she
was going.  Up these stairs, second hallway on the right, two more
flights up, then across a skybridge to where a black chocobo was
waiting...
     Unfortunately, the lone warrior guarding the bridge was *not*
part of her plan.
     She skidded to a halt and leapt backward, barely avoiding the
familiar blade of Ragnarok as it sliced through the air.  Maybe its
wielder was only trying to stun her, maybe not - she wasn't willing to
risk it.  She turned to retreat, but the door she had just run through
was abruptly kicked open by a large hobnailed boot, and two
mismatched figures hurried onto the rooftop, slightly out of breath. 
Her three opponents advanced on her, and she backed up until her
foot bumped the railing of the roof.  She looked over her shoulder -
it was a long, long way down to the mountaintop lake below.
     The largest of the three figures held out his hand - his *only*
hand.  "Give it up, Yuffie.  Hand 'em over before we gotta get
rough."
     "Don't *wanna!*"  She clutched the small leather bag of materia
tightly in her hand.  "You guys don't need it anymore anyway - I
do!"
     "Come on, Yuffie,"  Cloud said with annoyance.  "We split up
the materia and gave everyone an equal share."
     Yuffie sneered, shaking her fist threateningly.  "Oh, yeah,
suuuure.  Equal shares.  And what did you give me?  Seal, Mystify,
Sense, Choco/Mog, a couple of newborn All materia, thank you
VERY much, Chocobo Lure, Underwater, Luck Plus, Enemy Lure,
and an empty Enemy Skill!  Who got the Mega-All and Knights of
the Round, Mr. I've-got-a-big-honking-sword?  What's with that,
anyway? Trying to compensate for somethin'?"
     "Hey!"
     "Anyway,"  Tifa said loudly, "that's no reason to steal ours. 
After all, there's still plenty of monsters roaming around, left over
from before - we'll still need the materia."
     "Wutai needs it more!"
     Barrett lowered his gun arm, but not by much.  "Yuffie,
everyone's hurtin' nowadays," he pointed out.  "Everyone from
Midgar needs new homes, Junon's gotta clean up their harbor... hell,
even Costa Del Sol took a beatin' when the Emerald WEAPON
washed up on shore.  Yeah, Wutai needs ta be rebuilt, but we can
only do one thing at a time.  Anyway, how does gettin' all that
materia help yer hometown?"
     "A clod like you would never understand," she sniffed.
     "Why, you...!"  He took a step forward, and the ninja
immediately jumped back onto the railing.
     "Stay back!  Or I'll... I'll..."  She started windmilling her arms
with an expression of panic. "Whoah... whoah!  I'm gonna fall!"
     Tifa rushed forward.  "Yuffie, be careful!"  Just as her fingers
brushed the ninja girl's costume, however, Yuffie bent her knees and
then launched herself backwards. 
     "Ha, ha!"  she gloated as she dropped out of view.  "Can't catch
me - I'm waaaay smarter than you!"
     Cloud and Barrett hurried to Tifa's side.  "Damn," the
ex-AVALANCHE leader said.  "That was her plan all along, I
betcha."
     Tifa nodded.  "Looks like it."
     "No telling where she'll end up," Cloud noted glumly.
     "Oh, I don't know," Tifa said thoughtfully, holding a purple
Materia up to the light.  "Think she might need this?"
     "What the... Underwater?"  Barrett suddenly grinned.  "You
weren't tryin' ta save her - you were usin' Steal."
     She nodded, answering his smile with one of her own.  "Yep. 
You know Yuffie - she always has a backup plan, in case her first
one goes wrong.  When she mentioned she had this, I realized
what she had in mind."  She turned toward the doorway and
sauntered over to it.  "C'mon - let's go fish her out before she
drowns."
     As her two friends followed, closing the door behind them, there
could barely be heard, far below them, a shout of puzzlement.  This
was followed by a shriek of outrage which quickly turned into a
scream of terror.  Followed, ultimately, by a large splash.

     Mako reactors hurt the Planet.  This had been made obvious by
the recent events, and while some people still preferred the
convenience of the life-sapping reactors, most were wise enough to
agree to switch to more conventional, less efficient means of power,
at the sake of their own comfort.  Windmills and solar panels were
becoming a common sight in the land, and Corel's abundant coal
mines were due to be reopened any day now.  In addition, the insight
and planning abilities of a certain ex-Shinra executive had become
the foundation of an ambitious plan that would provide power to
most of the western continent - the Gainsborough Memorial
Hydroelectric Plant.
     The name alone had been enough to win its approval.
     It was almost too easy, Reeve had explained to the Council, a
body of representatives from each town.  The lake in the high
mountain west of Corel was fed by a constant stream of seawater,
heated by ancient volcanic vents beneath the mountain.  The water
rose to the surface, then cascaded down a "notch" in the mountain's
side and split into the two rivers on either side of Cosmo Canyon. 
Thus, the cycle was eternally repeated, and it would be a simple
matter to build a power plant that fed off this natural process. 
Lucrecia Lake (as it was named at Vincent's suggestion) was, as far
as Reeve was concerned, absolutely perfect for what he had in mind. 
     It was also, as far as Yuffie was concerned, very very wet.
    
     With more than a passing resemblance to a drowned rat, Yuffie
pulled herself onto the shore and lay there, gasping for breath.  That
had *not* been fair - if Tifa hadn't grabbed Underwater, the ninja
girl would have made a clean getaway, diving down the ocean
passage and then taking a short swim to Costa del Sol.  Well, she'd
show 'em.  She still had the materia, and could make her way home
without any trouble.  Once the world stopped spinning, anyway.
     A shadow fell across her - a few moments later, she felt someone
prying her hand away from the bag she carried, despite her feeble
attempts to resist.  When she tried to sit up to renew her grip, the
world tilted sharply to the left.
     Yes, lying down seemed like an extremely good idea at the
moment.
     "Not bad, Yuffie," Cloud noted as he pocketed the materia. 
"You very nearly got away with it."
     She tried to respond with a sharp retort, but the best she could
manage was "Glag." 
     He knelt beside her, Tifa and Barrett standing guard a few steps
away.  "Look, this has got to stop, okay?  We can't get anything
done if we're fighting you for the materia."
     *Then give me the materia, and you won't have to worry about
it.* "Glag." 
     "Tell you what - once we get the Dam built, we'll see what we
can do about maxing out a few of these, and I'll let you have the
newborns.  Sound good?"
     *You moron, newborn materia are a pain to build up!  Give me
the good stuff!* "Glaggle.  Ag."
     He sighed and stood up.  "Now, we could still use your help
around here, so if you promise to behave, we won't have you
shipped back to Wutai, okay?"
     Before Yuffie could reply with a cutting 'Glegf', a new voice was
heard.  "That, as it turns out, will not be an issue."
     With an effort, Yuffie sat up and looked around.  A few yards
away stood a tall woman with greying hair, dressed in a blue
kimono.  "Chekhov?  What..."  She coughed heavily for a moment,
then recovered.  "What are you doing here?"
     "Looking for you, actually."  The fighting master nodded politely
to Cloud, Tifa and Barrett, then returned her attention to the ninja,
who was clearing the last of the water from her ears.  "You need to
come back to Wutai.  Immediately."
     "Huh?  What're you talking about?  I'm not goin' anywhere."
     "Oh, but you must."  Chekhov asserted.  "Ancient signs are upon
us, and we must act swiftly."
     Yuffie looked at the woman oddly.  "Did a piece of Meteor fall
on your head, Chekhov?  You sound a lot weirder than usual.  Let
me put this another way - I. Ain't.  Leavin'.  If something's up, it can
darn well happen without me.  I've done my duty.  Saved the world,
brought down the evil empire... been there, done that, sold the
movie rights. And there isn't anything you can say to change my
mind!  Got it?"
    "Why, Yuffie," Chekhov said reproachfully, but with a gleam in
her eye.  "What an immature attitude.  One would have expected
more from you... on your birthday."
     The ninja flinched back, almost as if she'd been slapped, and her
companions looked at her in surprise.  "Did you know it was her
birthday?" Barrett whispered.
     Tifa shook her head.  "Not me."
     "You'd think she would've mentioned it," Cloud noted, frowning
slightly.  "Something's not right here..."
     Yuffie, apparently recovered, glared at Chekhov.  "That's dirty
pool."
     The fighting master looked unruffled.  "I can't imagine to what
you're referring, young lady.  Is there something wrong in noticing
such a blessed day?"
     "Damn you..."  She seemed at a loss for words, and Cloud was
shocked to realize that Yuffie was actually trembling in rage.  He
reached out, placing his hand on her shoulder... and she pulled
away with a jolt.  "All right!  If it means that damn much to you, I'll
go.  But this had *better* be important.  I've got things to do here,
ya know."
     "Oh, don't you worry," Barrett sneered, though his heart didn't
seem to be in it any more.  "We'll keep th' materia niiiice and safe
until you get back.  And after then, too."
     The ninja turned her back on him scornfully, and crossed her
arms.  "Well, what are we waiting for?  Anything's better'n stayin'
around here bein' verbally abused by Big-and-Stupid over there."
     Chekhov smiled knowingly.  "Your father will be most pleased to
see you, child."
     "Yeah, yeah... don't remind me."

     The mining expedition had long since packed up and returned to
their homes, abandoning archaeology in favor of the reconstruction
effort, especially since the funding they had received from the Shinra
corporation had abruptly run dry.  Only half-uncovered skeletons
and the occasional forgotten tool showed that the miners had ever
been there.
     Now, however, something had disturbed the dig.  The largest
skeleton, the fossilized remains of a now-extinct atmasaur, had been
shattered by the impact of a huge rock, which still glowed faintly
with heat.  An onlooker, if there was one, would have assumed that
the rock was just another product of the destruction of Meteor.
     And they would, on several different levels, have been correct.
     After a while, it began to split open. 

     The trip to Wutai had been typically unpleasant for Yuffie, who
had been forced to spend the entire journey in her usual place in the
Highwind's hold.  That was her one weakness, she considered
between heaves: as far back as she could remember, she'd been
highly susceptible to motion sickness.  It wasn't fair!  Who ever
heard of a ninja who lost her lunch every time she got in a moving
vehicle?
     Once the Highwind had landed just outside Wutai, she wasted no
time in disembarking the airship and took deep, long breaths of clean
air as she waited for the others to join her. "Come on, come on," she
growled at Chekhov.  "Let's get this over with."
     Chekhov was not impressed.  "All in due time, child."
     "Don't get me wrong," Cloud commented as he climbed down
the Highwind's gangplank, Tifa following close behind, "but I'm not
sure why you asked us along.  I mean, if Yuffie's in trouble..."
     "Oh, no.  Nothing like that."  Chekhov smiled briefly, glancing at
Yuffie.  "Not *this* time, at least."
     "Hey!"  If anything, Yuffie's glare was redoubled.  "I took you
down once before, ya wrinkled old prune - don't think I won't do it
again!"
     Chekhov merely turned her back on the ninja and walked toward
Wutai.  "Really.  How barbaric.  Come along, child - there is much
to do, and little time left to do it in."
     As Yuffie followed her, grumbling loudly, Cloud and Tifa fell in
step behind her.  "I'm curious about one thing, Yuffie," he began.
     "Yeah, what?"
     "What's the big thing about it being your birthday?  If we'd
known, we could have-"
     He cut off in mid-sentence as she whirled around, her expression
one of fury.  "Listen up, Mr. Cloud Strife, because I'm only going to
say this once.  I don't HAVE a birthday.  Got it?  Is that clear?  Does
that satisfy your spikey-headed curiosity?"
     Cloud backed up, his hands raised placatingly.  "Right.  Right. 
Forget I asked.  No birthday.  Right."
     She glared at him, then turned back toward Wutai.  "Anyway,"
she muttered, "you have to know when you were born before you
can have a birthday."
     Tifa and Cloud exchanged glances briefly.

     The Pagoda of the Five Gods, apart from a few minor scratches
and bits of debris, looked more or less the same as it had the last
time Cloud had seen it.  It was a classic example of ancient Wutai
design, with its intricate wall hangings and polished oak floors.  Its
very presence seemed to be a reminder of permanence in a world
that had come within a hair's breadth of total destruction.
     Once the group reached the top floor of the Pagoda, they
received another dose of deja vu.
     "All right, Yuffie," Godo said as his daughter took her place at
the other side of the training mat, "prepare to fight!"
     She blinked.  "Excuse me?"
     "You heard me."  He raised his fists into a ready position.  "Let's
see what you've learned since the last time."
     Yuffie exchanged glances with Cloud and Tifa, who were sitting
against the wall.  "Geez, you must be a glutton for punishment.  I
got a whole lot tougher while we were fightin' our way down to
Sephiroth, ya know.  Besides, I trashed your butt last time - what
makes you think I can't do it again?"
     Godo nodded to his compatriots, who stepped into formation
behind him.  "Because *this* time," he told her, "you'll be fighting all
of us at once."
     She shrugged, seemingly unconcerned.  "Yeah.  What*ever*. 
Like that'll make a difference."
     "Then let us begin!  OMNI-Change!"  Godo's form shifted and
grew, until he was replaced by the three-faced giant that represented
his ultimate fighting spirit.  The other guardians of the Pagoda
followed suit, and soon five powerful creatures were arrayed against
Yuffie.
     She yawned theatrically.
     As one, the fighting masters launched an attack on the lone ninja
girl, their power building in preparation of their first relentless
assault.

     One Knights of the Round later...

     "Hey," Cloud exclaimed, speaking up a bit to be heard over the
groans of pain.  "I didn't even notice it was gone.  Give it *back*,
Yuffie."
     "Stick it in your ear, spike-head," she smirked.  "You'll get it
back when I'm done with it."
     As Gorky passed around bottles of X-Potion, Godo struggled to
his feet.  "That was childish, Yuffie.  This battle is supposed to show
me how well your own skills have advanced, not how well you can
use combat materia."
     "Hah!  You're just ticked 'cuz I thrashed you again!  Anyway, I
think that usin' materia that I stole from someone else is a *great*
example of my way-cool ninja skills."
     Her father scowled.  "Don't talk back to me, girl!  Now, we're
going to try this again, and *this* time, you're not to cast Knights of
the Round.  Is that clear?"
     "Yeah, yeah, yeah..."
     "All right, then."  The fighting masters, now rejuvenated,
transformed again and resumed their attack.  "Charge!"
     Stepping forward, Staniv (or, rather, his battle form) spun his
heavy ball and chain over his head, then swung it at Yuffie, the metal
sphere traveling at bone-crushing force.  It struck her, though her
armor bracelet absorbed most of the blow, and she staggered for a
moment.
     The materia set in the bracelet, in response to the attack, began
to glow with an internal light...

     One Magic Counter-Knights of the Realm later...

     "Yuffie!"
     "Whaaaaaaaat?"
     Gorky sighed and handed out some more X-Potion.  This was
starting to get expensive.
     "I thought I told you not to use Knights of the Round!" Godo
shouted.
     She grinned.  "Not exactly.  You just said not to *cast* it.  And I
didn't - Magic Counter did it for me."  Yuffie tapped her temple. 
"That's strategy."
     "You little cheater!" Shake snapped.  "I'm gonna smack you
across the room if you try that again.  Do you have any idea how
much that thing *hurts*?"
     "Ask me if I care, pipsqueak."
     Godo visibly composed himself.  "All right.  This time, you are
not to have that materia anywhere on your possession, and you are
not to use any Summon materia in any way, shape, or form.  Got it?"
     His daughter put on her best innocent look.  She wasn't very
good at it.  "Why, of course, dear father.  Whatever you say."  She
popped the red stone from her bracelet and tossed it casually to
Cloud.
     Godo glared at her a moment longer, then nodded.  "Right.  Let's
try this again."

     One Quad Magic-Comet2 later...

     "Let me at her!"  Shake, badly burned by the exploding
projectiles, had to be forcibly restrained by Staniv.  "I'll rip her
lungs
out!"
     "No, Shake!  You can't kill her!  We'd all *really* enjoy watching
you do it," the weapon master added, "but you just can't!"
     Tifa cleared her throat as she stood up.  "Mr. Godo?  Let me
take over here, if you don't mind.  We're used to this."  She walked
over to Yuffie, who sneered defiantly up at her.  "Okay, Yuffie. 
Put... the materia... down.  All of it."
     "Why should I?"
     "Because if you don't, we're going to sit right here while Cloud
calls Vincent in, and he'll make *sure* that you drop them all."
     This seemed to have the desired effect.  "Oh, GAWD!  That's
low, Tifa - you know how creepy he is!"
     Tifa shrugged.  "Hey, it's up to you..."
     "All right, all right!  Jeez..."
     Grumbling loudly, the ninja began to sort through her pockets,
and soon became the center of a growing, multicolored pile of
materia.  Tifa was impressed despite herself; not that Yuffie had
stolen so much, but that she'd been able to even move while loaded
down with so much loot.
     "I'm gonna want all that back," Yuffie warned as she stepped out
of the pile.
     Godo and his followers took their places again.  "Are you ready,
then?"
     "As ready as I'm gonna be."
     "Very well... Begin!"



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