Derick Browne wrote:

I finished this at about 3:00am.  So I wasn't in my full mental capacity.

Unless you're writing a spamfic, or something with similarly short time
constraints, *always* review your work when you are awake and rested
before sending it out.  If you had, you probably would not have missed
the fact that you forgot to wrap the lines on this fic.  (More than 80
characters per line, and a lot of people won't be able to read your
work.)

I'd give you more suggestions, but the others wouldn't come even close
to the importance of this one.  Significant technical problems, which
render a work literally unreadable, trump practically any level of
content.