On Sun, 14 Feb 1999, Gary Kleppe wrote:

Mike Noakes <s669330@aix2.uottawa.ca> wrote:

Tendos';

	Thanks for pointing those out.  I hate having that type of mistake
slip by.  They've been. . . taken care of.

another word or look back, he stepped into the bathroom.

You use "stepped" an awful lot... here's two times in the same
paragraph.

	Would you believe I use 'stepped' (or variant therof) 44 times in
the story?  I went back and checked.  I'll have to fix that, it gets kinda
silly... thanks for pointing it out.
 

    An involuntary gasp and sudden start snapped him out of his
revery, as he unconsciously passed the icy cloth a little close to his

I think the word is "reverie."

	Actually, I checked it up.  Both version are correct, and they
seem interchangable.  My guess is that one has a slightly more French
origin than the other.
 

What's up with name, he wondered.  Red?  Because of my girl-
body's hair?  But they've never called me that before. . . 

Funny, that. And they've never remarked on the huge eyeballs, either....

	Heh.  I'm _not_ gonna touch that one...
 

though denied them, the island is obviously the original _hortus
conclusus_, the primal Eden despite its shadowy undercutting.  The
text is aptly named, then, as Bli-."

We get it, already. No need to be obvious about it... :p

	<grin>  I was thinking, I should start my own series of special
C&Cs, complete with abuses of high-falutin' academic speech and wacky
application of literary analysis.  Heck, look deep enough and I'm sure one
could pull meaning out of, well, anything.  Pokemon as allegory of
humanistic struggle to ursurp dominance over the 'natural'?

    Coloring slightly, he glanced down at the blue Furinken
uniform.  "Long story.  Not my choice, trust me.  I'm stuck like this
for a bit."

"Just for the next nine months, that's all." :-P

	I believe the proper response would be, 'no comment'. <smirk>
 

be!  You can work at the _Ucchan_ during your free time, I've
heard you make one hell of a waitress."

Actually, he's already waitressed for her on the odd occasion....

	Really?  When?  I'n not too familiar with the later manga or
anime, so I wasn't aware.  Then again, I haven't really set this at any
particual point in the Ranma timeline -- just at some point prior to
Nodoka's knowledge of her son.
 

gotta go."  Without waiting for an answer, he sprinted away. 
Crossing the field, he asked himself, what was I thinking, telling her
that?  I keep forgetting: Ucchan's not a friend.  She's a fiancee.

YES!! I can't tell you how much I LOVED this scene....

	I hadn't known your views on Ukyou when I wrote the scene, but one
of my prereaders suggested you just _might_ enjoy that scene.  What were
was the comment... something about 'bearing my love child,' I believe...
(grin>
 

when in his female body: it was hard to feel confident when all the
girls, Nabiki included, seemed to tower overhead.

Um... is his girl form really that much sorter than them? Doesn't look
that way to me.

	I dunno.  I always got the impression that Ranma-as-girl was short
-- at least, shorter than most of the regular cast (ie, she really has to
reach to wack Kuno in the face).  Of course, it's very subjective: for
Ranma, used to looking down at most of the girls at school, suddenly being
even an inch shorter might come of as an immense change -- and its mainly
a confidence thing at that.
	I've seen some ML discussions on the subject, but I don't know if
anything was ever agreed on... heck, I don't know if Takahashi was even
consistent herself.
 

eyes dull.  Without a word she pulled out her textbook and
notepad, placed her hands softly on the desk, and, looking straight
ahead, quietly awaited the arrival of the teacher.

Why's Hiroshi referring to Ranma as "she?" He knows that Ranma's really
a guy.

	True.  But I established in the first chapter that everyone except
for those 'close' to Ranma (ie. most of the main cast) refer to Ranma by
his apparent gender.  Basically, though a buddy, Hiroshi, even though
knowing its a curse, can't help but see the short <ahem> redhead before
him as a girl -- guess outward appearances count for a lot...
 

That was excellent. Even though this chapter didn't advance the plot
much, it was so intense that it was nearly impossible to put down. The
characterizations were very accurate without sacrificing the serious
tone of the story. The only thing I had to wince at was the story taking
Ranma's "red hair" at face value -- but that's just a pet peeve of mine,
and it certainly fits in well here.

	Thanks, and thanks for the feedback.  True, the plot moved rather
slowly (basically, just covering the two days following the party), but
I'm thinking of it as a bit of a transition to the next chapter, where, I
expect, things'll start to happen (well, as much as anything ever
'happens' in anything I write.)
	Sorry 'bout the red hair thing -- I've seen the arguments on both
side, but in the end, used the color simply because, as you said, it kinda
works for that particular scene.  Plus it's a bit of a cheat -- gives an
extra reference tool to use with Ranma (ie. calling him a 'redhead'.)
 

So where's the next one? :-)

	Heh.  I might as well ask you where the next chapter of _your_ fic
is, ne?  Although I'm hoping to put out Decision within a few months
(being, of course, extremely optimistic.)

	Later!
	(And again, thanks for the detailed C&C.  I _hate_ having mistakes
slip by...)

	-Mike Noakes