Red-head MST...the Wedding!
***
(The scene opens as P-chan and Ryo-oh-ki are standing there. Azusa has
been ceremoniously killed as hundreds of pokemons, cats, and other
strange animals pounce of the former-kawaii girl. Everyone big-sweats a
bit.)
Sister Angela: Well...that was interesting. (She looks at her watch.)
Well in the interest of time, I will have to read the Cliff Notes
version of the Catholic Wedding Ceremony.
Tenchi: Catholic? I didn't know you were catholic!
Washu (cocking her shotgun at P-chan's head): What did you expect us to
be...buddhist?
Tenchi: That explains the fish we've been eating on fridays.
Sister Sakura: Okay. P-chan do you want to marry Ryo-oh-ki?
P-chan: Bwee? (The nun looks over at Washu, brandishing her gun.)
Sister Angela: No, I guess you don't have a choice.
P-chan: Bwee...(he starts to cry.)
Sister Angela: I'll take it as a yes. And how about you, Ryo-oh-ki?
Ryo-oh-ki: Miyaa!
Sister Angela: If there isn't any reason why these two should not get
married now, speak now, or forever hold your piece. (Godai stands up.)
Godai: Isn't this sort of taboo? (Blam! He falls over. Washu blows the
smoke from her gun.)
Washu: Anyone else that speak even a word will get shot like he did!
(The rest of the Dragonball group stands up. Washu mow 'em down.)
Andrew: Isn't this kind of weird...the Dragonball clan can withstand
virtually any kind of enemy except a pinkish kawaii girl with a shotgun?
Sister Angela: Well, since no one else is going to speak, I pronounce
you pig and wife. You may kiss the bride, P-chan. (Ryo-oh-ki grabs
P-chan and starts some tongue hockey action. Everyone gets pretty sick.)
Ataru: You know, may be I am a pervert, but there are something even I
can't stand.
Lum: That's good. Because I've scheduled our wedding for later on this
afternoon. Isn't that great, darling?! (Ataru faints.) Darling?
Darling?!
***
On Sun, 7 Feb 1999, Mark Page wrote:
Date: Sun, 07 Feb 1999 02:42:27 +1000
From: Mark Page <ayanami@merlin.net.au>
To: ffml@fanfic.com
Subject: [FFML] [FF][SM] Waiting for Minako 29
Waiting for Minako
by Aino Minako (In DDFA's absence)
Andrew: What's wrong with DDFA?
Akemi: Some terrorist group kidnapped the little bugger.
Ranma-chan (who's hair is not in a pigtail): Well, there have been worse
fates on otakus.
Part Twentynine - The Solution
A-ko: It was Sgt. Grey with the poison in the Gazebo!
Lina: Sgt. Grey?
A-ko: I'm using the "Master Clue" limited edition.
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(Mokona pops on in.)
Mokona: Pu!
Luna: W-w-wait, what are you doing here?
Mokona: Pu...pu!
Luna: That's not a nice thing to do...replacing the ketchup with a
bloody mary for Pikachu to drink. (Mokona grins, hops up and down.)
Scene: The hideout of the Outers. The four are dressed in black
suits with silly fake beards and mustaches on their faces, playing
cards. In the background, DDFA can be seen, tied up and gagged in a
wooden chair. Haruka get angry and throws down her cards, standing
up and pointing an accusing finger at Setsuna.
Izumi (imitating Setsuna): Gin!
Ranma-chan (imitating Haruka): Again?!
Haruka: How the hell can we play Poker with you? You always
know the result of the game before we start.
Andrew: Probably because she reads the script ahead of time.
Setsuna chuckles.
Setsuna: Honestly, Haruka.... You're just a sore loser.
Haruka: Am not. I've had a winning hand EVERY game. But you
just hold out until my nerve goes, knowing this in
advance. NOBODY has a better poker face than you.
Ranma-chan: You've obviously never seen Nabiki in action.
A-ko: Maybe the cards are like in one of those Mission:Impossible shows
where they were really digital LCD displays so that she can have a full
house all of the time!
Ranma-chan: Speaking of full house, I had a very strange dream where the
Olsen twins moved in next door.
Setsuna drops her cards on the table and leans back in her seat,
waving at Haruka dismissively.
Setsuna: Well, if it makes you feel any better, I'll retire from
the game.
Haruka: NO! I can't play this game thinking I forced you out of
it.
Michiru: You didn't, Haruka dear. She KNEW she was going to give
up about now. That's why she gave up.
(Everyone else looks puzzled.)
Akemi: Come again?
Haruka looks at Michiru.
Haruka: You'll explain that, of course.
Michiru: Look, it's very simple. She knew, in advance, that you
would complain at this point, and therefore chose to
give up when she did. Is it clear, now?
Haruka: You mean she's just been leading us on all this time?
Setsuna: Oh, honestly Haruka. How many times have I told you?
All time is relative.
A-ko (imitating Haruka): Then does that mean that Saturday and Sunday
are cousins?
Haruka: What the hell is that supposed to mean?
Setsuna: Don't know, but it sure sounds profound, doesn't it?
Haruka: Why you....
Washu (walking in, crying): The problems of being a Super Genius...
Hotaru, at this point, sighs and lifts up her Silence Glaive, poking
the end of the blade into Haruka's face.
Ranma-chan: That's gotta hurt.
Lina: Unless the blade rivals whatever Cloud has, I doubt it.
Luna: Oh, yeah, you should see his sword in bed...(she grins)
Ranma-chan: Now there's a image I don't wanna see.
Hotaru: Siddown.
Haruka looks at the blade, nervously.
Haruka: What a big weapon you have.
Izumi (imitating Haruka): Are you turning me on?
Hotaru: All the better to fillet you with.
Michiru: Now now now, Hotaru dear.... You know what they say
about people with a big weapon complex.
Lina: Hmm...I wonder if that explains why Gourry is so damn possessive
of his sword of light.
Luna: Like you didn't use that thing in bed last night.
Lina (flapping her wings a bit, yes I'm using the post-Slayers: Rebirth
Lina) : You trying making love in the air!
The blade shifts from Haruka to Michiru.
Hotaru: What do they say?
Michiru: That.... they're really.... cool people....
Hotaru nods with satisfaction and lifts the blade up to Michiru's
hair, gently parting her fringe.
Hotaru: Yes, I'm sure they do. After all, all the best
character shrines out there are dedicated to me.
Izumi: Speak softly and carry a big blade. That's what they all say.
Hotaru begins to giggle insanely, then out loud, falling backwards
as her chair hits the ground. She continues to laugh, swinging the
glaive around with mirth.
Akemi: I take it she's not on medication, huh.
Luna: Probably not.
Haruka: I don't think that new doctor is doing her much good,
Setsuna.
Luna: Yep. She's not on medication.
Setsuna smiles.
Setsuna: He does me a lot of good, though.
(Everyone face-faults.)
Haruka and Michiru stare at Setsuna as she turns aside, whistling
innocently. Just then, the door to the room opens. Everyone stands
in shock as Minako enters the room, gun in hand.
Andrew: The shock partly comes in fact that no one had ever though a
Sailor Senshi would be able to operation a gun.
Michiru: YOU!
Minako: Yes, it is I....
Ranma-chan (imitating Minako): Aina, Warrior Princess!
Andrew (sounding a bit Romanian): the Count. Do you know why I am the
count? I love to count numbers!
Lina: The World Greastest Kawaii Scientist!
Washu (shouting at Lina): Hey, that's my line!
Haruka: YOU!
Minako: Aino Minako....
Setsuna: YOU!
Minako: Private Investigator.
Hotaru: WHO?
Izumi (imitating Minako): Who were you expecting, Miss Marple?
Minako facefaults.
Minako: I've already told you.
Hotaru: Well I missed it, what with everyone here shouting
"YOU".
Minako: Well, I'm Aino Minako....
Everyone (sounding like they're in a AA meeting): Hi, Aino Minako!
Andrew (imitating Minako): And I'm a moonaholic.
Ranma-chan: A moonaholic?
Andrew: Yeah, someone who can't get enough Sailor Moon and thinks the
series is set in Paris, France.
Hotaru: Hold on.
Hotaru puts her hand in her coat and takes out a pen and a pad.
Hotaru: Now, start again.
Minako: I'm Aino Minako....
Kasumi (from Pokemon; imitating Minako): Stud Muffin of the
Universe!
Hotaru starts scribbling.
Hotaru: Yes, go on.
Minako: ....Private Investigator.
(Everyone starts humming the theme song to "Magmum, P.I.")
Hotaru continues scribbling.
Hotaru: Right right.... Now, let me read that back. You're
"Aino Minako, Private Investigator".
Minako: That's right.
Hotaru: Right. Okay. Sorry, I just had to make sure. You
know, in this day and age, you can never be certain
about these things.
Ranma-chan: Hmm...maybe that explains why Nabiki always has that little
pad out.
Andrew: Nabiki? I doubt it.
Mokona: Pu!
Andrew: You've been impeached by the Senate, Mokona?
Minako lowers her gun and starts waving her other hand about as she
gets into the conversation.
Minako: Oh, I know. I keep having to note things down in my
journal, otherwise I'd just forget everything.
>From the Journal of Aino Minako, Private Investigator.
"I keep having to note things down in here, otherwise I'd just
forget everything. Like, the situation I was in. Here I was,
standing in a room with the four most dangerous women on the face of
the planet, and I was nattering on about all of my failings like it
didn't matter."
Washu(imitating Minako): Not to mention my lesbian tendencies as I saw
in my latest Hentai Sailor Moon manga.
Hotaru: Ah, I see. Well, I guess we better get on with the
confrontational stuff, then.
Minako: Uhuh.
Hotaru: Okay. Haruka, you're turn.
Haruka sniffs.
Haruka: Oh, so you're giving me the opportunity to talk now, are
you?
Hotaru: Yes.
Michiru: Not that you've never had something to say.
Akemi: That's about right...
Haruka glares at Michiru, who huffs and looks away, crossing her
arms. Haruka sighs, then points at Minako, accusingly.
Haruka: How did you find us?
Minako: HAH! Do you think I'll give away my secrets that
easily?
Haruka: Yes.
Ranma-chan: I wish my enemies would easily give away secrets like
this...
Minako: Oh. Alright then. I skipped ahead a couple of scenes
to the chapter where I discover your hideout, then took
a shortcut.
(Andrew and Izumi look at each other.)
Andrew & Izumi: A shortcut...
Lina: The little wench is full of suprises!
Setsuna: I thought as much.
Haruka: You CHEATED! You can't do that!
Minako: BWA HA HA HA HA HAAAAA! I'm in charge of this story, so
I can do anything I like.
Setsuna: I thought as much.
A-ko: Setsuna makes C-ko look like a genius. Of course, I doubt C-ko
would actually do anything if she was in this situation...
Haruka turns on Setsuna.
Haruka: Will you shutup!
Setsuna crosses her arms and nods.
Setsuna: Yes, I thought you'd get angry.
Haruka: Why you....
Michiru: Haruka! Don't forget our guest.
Andrew: Yeah, and while you're at it, don't forget your brain.
Haruka turns back.
Haruka: Oh yes, sorry. Now, do you think we'll allow you to get
away with this fragrant violation of fanfic rules.
Luna: I wonder what that smell was.
Mokona: Pu...
Luna: You really it has a lemony smell to it?
Michiru: That's 'flagrant', Haruka.
Haruka: Look, stop interrupting me during my speeches.
Michiru: Hmph!
Haruka: Now where was I? Oh right. That's a FLAGRANT violation
of fanfic rules.
Minako: Never stopped me before.
(Everyone face-faults.)
Michiru: She's got a point, there.
Haruka puts her face in her hands and sobs. Michiru takes her by
the arm.
Michiru: There there.... It's not nearly as bad as you think.
Haruka: Why? How bad could it get?
Michiru: She could start her 'Ultraman' poses.
Haruka: NO! ANYTHING BUT THAT!
Kasumi: I have this urge to slap Michiru upside her head...
Ranma-chan: So do I...of course, I can't do that.
(Kasumi slaps Ranma-chan upside her head.)
Ranma-chan: Hey!
Minako laughs maniacally.
Minako: So, now you appreciate the depth of the situation, do
you?
Hotaru: Why? Are we going swimming?
(Andrew face-faults.)
Minako facefaults.
Hotaru: Waitaminute.... I'll get my swimsuit.
Setsuna: Hotaru! We are not going swimming.
Hotaru: Why not?
Setsuna: It is destiny.
Washu: And Destiny prefers a two-piece bikini outfit.
Hotaru scratches her head.
Hotaru: Crap. I wanna go swimming.
Minako: Listen.... You can all put your hands up.
Hotaru: But I'm not drowning.
Minako: Would you stop with the swimming routine.
Hotaru: But I want to go swimming.
Lina: Hotaru definately has an one-track mind. Not unlike a certain
tomboy I know. (Ranma-chan glances at the grinning Lina; big-sweats.)
Minako growls.
Minako: Put up your hands, all of you! You cannot escape.
Haruka: That's what you think.
Minako: Think? THINK? I'd be careful what you say about me.
I'm the one with the gun.
Haruka: And such a nice one, too.
A-ko: I'm still surprised Minako would know what a gun is...consider the
series is in France.
Minako: Yes. I bought this one in a nice little shop in
Chicago, run by a couple of girls.... Look, that's not
important!
Michiru: What is important, then?
Hotaru: Swimming.
Andrew: You know, I could go for a swim as well.
Washu: Don't YOU start...
Minako: That is NOT important!
Hotaru: It is to me!
Minako growls and waves her gun around.
Minako: ARGH! Look! You kidnapped DDFA to get this fanfic
stopped by chapter 30, right? RIGHT?
Ranma-chan: Do you think we could do the same to other otakus?
Washu: Well, who do you have in mind?
Ranma-chan: I'd...I'd...let me think about that one.
The four Outers shuffle their feet and mutter agreement.
Minako: Well, I cannot guarantee that there shall be any kind
of conclusion by chapter 30. Not with everything that
has been built up over the last couple of chapters. But
there is one thing I can guarantee that will change....
With the temporary control I have over this fanfic.
Outers: What?
Andrew: Well, don't try too hard, Ranma. Otakus have a surprisely
stronger power than you'd think.
A-ko: Yeah. You'd think they take a shower more often.
Washu: True.
END OF PART 29
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What will Minako do to this fanfic before she releases DDFA? Shall
Hotaru ever go swimming? Does Setsuna really know everything that
is going on? Does any of this really matter? For almost no
questions to these answers (^_^) read the next exciting, enthralling
and nauseating chapter of............... "The Fanfic Formerly Known
As...." In that order, even. ^_^
Washu: Well, I guess that's it.
Ranma-chan: Say, I wonder how P-chan & Ryo-oh-ki are doin'?
Andrew: I don't even wanna know...
***
(We see P-chan and Ryo-oh-ki watching the last hockey game ever played
in the Montreal Gardens. Ryo-oh-ki is dressed up as a Maple Leaf and
P-chan has his head in a pork-rind sack.)
Ryo-oh-ki: MIYAA!!! (She beats her paw on the plexiglass, scares a
couple of hockey players.) Miyaa!!!
Daisuke: Say, I didn't know that little cabbit's a hockey fan.
Usagi: Yeah. Her brother turns to a Zamboni machine. He works here,
didn't you know that? Daisuke? Daisuke? (Daisuke has promptly
face-faulted. Suddenly we watch as Matt Sundin has scored a goal.)
_________
/ @ \ Aino Minako (in DDFA's absence)
/ / ^ ^ \ \ darkdayforanime@hotmail.com
/</ w \>\ Manic-Depressive Sailorsenshi without a clue
\/ \/ Professional failure in quotations
\___________/ Massive avoider of responsibility
/_/ \_\ PU!
Earlier Chapters of this fic are available at the Sailormoon Romance
archive...
http://solo.abac.com/moonromance/ ^_^
TROGGLE 1.0 - Sunday, 7th February 1999