a quick laugh by gregg sharp,
this is not meant to be anything but 
a brief chuckle. if you want Great Meanings,
go read Krista Perry's stuff or something else.
         an e-mail i got indicated that things were
about as insane as they could get in Astrild's 
Restaurant. i disagree...
---------------------------------------------
                   SIMPLY IRRESISTABLE
 Hours later, Ranma held the sword in
front of himself and was sitting in the Tendo-ke.

 "...and so Kuno told the sword to
grant the pigtailed girl a wish." Ranma stared
in frustration at the sword. "I tried wishing for 
the sword to cure my curse, and it buzzed at
me saying that there was a conflict."

 "I see," Kasumi said. "If you 
wished yourself free of the curse, you would
not be the pigtailed girl, and therefore the
sword would not have granted the pigtailed
girl a wish. Oh my."

 Everyone stared briefly at Kasumi.

 "Serves the pervert right," Akane
said, sipping her tea. "Honestly, the way you
acted around Kuno..."

 "Hey! It's not my fault! You see 
what it's like with a curse like this, and see how
well you cope. Geez, I got girls coming onto
me in boyform, guys coming onto me in my
girlform, and nobody listens to me in either
form!"

 "You're just too irresistable for
your own good, Saotome," Nabiki smirked.
Ranma's life was never boring. "Everybody
just absolutely LOVES Ranma."

 "Well, if they could get along with
each other as well..." Kasumi said aloud, thinking
that most of the problems came from jealousy and
Ranma's inability to bring himself to hurt any of
the various fiancees in question. Thereby hurting
all of them. Not that she would say this aloud.

 "Yeah, I wish." Ranma placed both 
hands over his mouth, eyes wide as he realized
what he had just said. His mind replayed the
likely wish as a Statement Of Doom.

 "Granted," said the sword, teleporting
away to return to the temple that Kuno had drawn
it from.

 Ranma swallowed, his eyes flicking
over and up in response to the odd clatter of a
sewing basket dropping.

 Kasumi was staring at him as if she had
never seen him before, a definite blush stealing over
her features.

 Ranma's eyes flicked to the side as Nabiki
abruptly began running a finger over his arm, her eyes
half-lidded as she studied him.

 Ranma swallowed again and his eyes flicked
to the other side where Akane was now the same color
her name described. She was staring at him with a definite
sparkly look to her eyes.

 "Uh oh." Ranma estimated possible escape routes.
He took one.
------------------------------------
 "Ranchan!" Ukyou hit the ground at a run. She 
noticed the girls running next to her. "Hey, you're new
around here, aren't you?"

 The girl on the right nodded. "Honey Kisaragi."

 The girl on the left did a two finger wave. "Minako
Aino."

 A girl a little past Minako grinned. "Madoka Ayukawa."

 "Well, I'm Ukyou Kuonji." Ukyou grinned as she
caught sight of a pigtail up ahead. She pointed at a girl about
three back in the pack. "See that girl over there? That's Nabiki 
Tendo. She'll set you up with your membership card, a nice little 
spread of photos of Ranchan, and a copy of his schedule."

 "Thanks," Honey said with a grin.

 "AAAAAaaaaaa!" The scream at the front of the line
came as Ranma realized he'd just passed an all-girl's school. 

 There was a brief pause before the crowd burst out
of the school, joining the current pack.

 "AAAAAaaaaa!"

 "OhHOhoHOhoHO!"

 "Ranma, how dare you flirt with," Ryouga stood
in the roadway and blinked as Ranma passed him. "Oh no,
not again."

 <THUD> "Oh, sorry, Ryouga. I didn't see you there."
Akane called back over her shoulder at the fallen lost boy.

 <WHAM> "Oh my."

 <CRUNCH> "Hmmm. Maybe I should include a street
map of Nerima in the next version of the book."

 <TRAMPLE> "He runs just like my sempai."

 <BLAM> "Shampoo think all this running is
tightening airen's butt. What you think, Benten?"

 "DAMN STRAIGHT!"

 "Daaaarliiiing!"

 <STOMP> "Oooo. I stepped in something."

 "Roguespierre! Roguespierre!"

 Dozens of footprints adorning his body, Ryouga
slowly regained his feet. "Damn, either they're getting heavier,
or I'm getting out of shape. Ahhh, Ranko, soon I shall find a
way to free you of your evil Ranma body and we can be together..."
----------------------------
 Ranma, racing ahead of the pack, felt an awful chill
pass along his spine. Still he was almost safe, they wouldn't 
pursue him THERE.

 Ranma ducked into the Boy's Club and hid in his
usual locker. With any luck, they'd go away.

 He hadn't noticed that on Fridays they were co-ed.
---------------------------
if a glimpse into THAT wasn't sufficiently sick & twisted, how
about:

 "You're just too irresistable for
your own good, Saotome," Nabiki smirked.
Ranma's life was never boring. "Everybody
just absolutely LOVES Ranma."

 "Yeah, I w---. Damn, almost said it."

 "Hmph," continued Akane. "You're
always getting yourself into these problems, Ranma,
and it's always your fault. Pervert."

 "Why," Ranma turned eyes heavenward,
"did I have to get engaged to an uncute tomboy?"

 "Because, Saotome," Nabiki started ticking
points off on her fingers. "You're not rich or particularly
intelligent, you suffer from chronic foot-in-mouth 
disease, you're also a coward in everything but a fight,
which makes you completely unsuitable for me. You're
not old enough or mature enough for Kasumi. Your
curse turns you into a girl, which both I and Kasumi
find revolting. Need I go on?"

 "Airen!"

 "Ranchan!"

 Ranma's head slumped. "Oh no."

 "Ranma! How could you invite them
over!?" Akane managed to give Ranma a hurt look.

 "Actually, sis, I gave them the option of
buying an info service where I call them whenever
Ranma's about to go off on an adventure or do something
that might impact their relationship with him." Nabiki
smirked. "This qualified."

 "Hey, Ranchan, if you're gonna wish,
why don't you wish to marry the fiancee that
really loves you?" Ukyou smirked, knowing that
neither Akane nor Shampoo could compete in
that arena.

 Ranma looked up, that actually didn't
sound too bad. He tried to think of what would be
so bad about that one.
 
 Nabiki huffed arrogantly. "Oh, get it
_over_ with, Saotome. There is no single thing that
can solve all the problems _you've_ managed to
accumulate. You _know_ that whatever you wish 
will just make your problems worse anyway. Why
not just give it up?"

 Ranma looked downcast at the table.
"Well, Kasumi?"

 "Ranma?"

 "Everyone _else_ seems to have something
to add, I just thought I'd give you an opportunity to 
throw in your bit as well, is all." Ranma's voice was bitter.
Here he had something that could end his curse, and he 
couldn't get any help in figuring out how to do it.

 "BAKA!" Akane's eyes glittered. "I know how
to solve your problems, but you don't want to ask me, do
you?"

 "You do? You're not kidding me?"

 "Tell the sword to grant MY wish, then I
can simply wish you were cured. Since it doesn't involve
the pigtailed girl, it should work." Akane raised an
eyebrow, daring anyone to see a problem with that.

 "Akane, that's...good." Ranma stared at his
fiancee, amazed that someone who still didn't know that 
P-chan was Ryouga could figure out such an elegant 
solution to his problem.

 Akane graciously took the sword.

 "Airen, no, don't! Shampoo no trust
Violent Pervert Girl."

 "She's right, Ranma-honey. Akane's on
the right track, but definitely NOT the one you want
to trust on delicate matters."

 "HEY!" Akane glowered at the other two
fiancees present. "Like YOU'D do any better?"

 Ukyou nodded, thinking as rapidly as
possible. "I would wish that his curse be removed,
and that he doesn't have to face that cooking of
yours anymore. That would be two curses removed!"

 "Or Akane could simply wish that she
could cook," Nabiki said with a snicker.

 "HEY!"

 "Akane such weak fighter. Maybe airen should
wish that he married to strong fighter who love him?" 
Shampoo smiled, knowing that neither Ukyou nor Akane
were anywhere near her own level. Shampoo hugged Ranma,
sticking her tongue out at Akane behind Ranma's back.

 "HEY, I am NOT a weak fighter!"

 Ukyou, Shampoo, and Nabiki chuckled.

 "Aw, c'mon, Akane. Just make the wish, you
know you don't stand a chance in a real fight with 
Shampoo."

 With a glance around at her betrayers,
Akane felt a red haze snap into place. "I wish you
all would fight me for real, then we could see..."

 Akane's voice trailed off and her eyes
widened as she realized what she'd said. "Oops."
===========================================
 i don't think either needs to be taken any further. they're
scary enough as is, ne?
gregg