(Ranma 1/2 characters (c) by Takahashi Rumiko)

The SEVEN THINGS you have to BE to WIN Tendo Akane away from Saotome
Ranma!!!!!!!

(Dedicado a mi amigo.  Feliz cumpleanos, querido!)


I know what you're thinking.  They're destined to be in love forever
and ever, she is the one true fiancee, like no other in the world
(brother, ain't that the truth!).  It was written from the first.

Well, my friend, you don't know women.  Akane can be won away from
Ranma just as easily as he can from her.  It's like taking candy from
a smashed open gumball machine (every one knows taking from a baby is
REALLY hard!)

These are the QUALIFICATIONS (pay attention now, you drooling anime
fanboys), that the winning male should have.

1.  The heart-stealing male should NOT compete with Ranma.  He should
be in a class by himself.  This is Ryouga's main flaw, he's a very
good martial artist who competes with Ranma, arguably an even better
martial artist.  It's a vicious circle that the potential Akane lover
can get over by ignoring it.  He must NOT be a martial artist.  Just
think of all the FREE time he'd have!

2.  He can't be any sort of wimp, either.  Girls go ga-ga over a
wash-board stomach, and we all know how much value Akane places on
physical strength.  (Height would be a definite ADVANTAGE!)  He needs
to be handy with his fives, as they used to say, good enough to beat
Akane once, with apparent ease, and respect (which would hide the
actual difficulty of the feat :), and then, respectfully decline her
further challenges (thus not worry about defeat), ostensibly because
the fiancee-thief cares about the girl.  He must make it clear that is
THIS reason, and NOT because she's a girl!  (Even if it's true!)

3.  Patience is a virtue.  NOT because it would take a long time to
completely wean Akane off of Ranma, as we have said, that's easy, but
because Akane's dense.  She'd be in love for a year and never realize
it.  Look at her record with Ranma and Ryouga!

4.  The male who wins Akane's heart must be _cool_.  He needs to know
how to walk away from a fight without looking like he's running (which
he is, b/c he doesn't really know how to fight, he just looks good). 
An attitude like "I'm a man, you're a boy, and that's why YOU want to
fight and I don't," will impress not only Akane (and any of her
relatives w/ plans of lightening his purse,) but also her suitors, who
will feel very insecure.  Acting classes are also a major help!

5.  But not TOO cool, which borders on aloofness.  It's not AKANE
you...that is, the qualified male, wants to intimidate.  He must be
friendly, open, and accessable, but not necessarily Mr. Perfect. 
Imperfections are adorable, the male may invent some if he has to. 
Akane must have someone she respects, like a reachable Dr. Tofu.  (But
with many important differences!)

6.  He should NEVER, EVER, confront Ranma.  The prospective mate risks
Akane defensively going to Ranma's side.  Birds of a feather!  He (the
suitor) must comport himself as an interesting, availiable, and, above
all, better alternative; be around her in times of need, yet not
smothering.  The moment Akane relates a suitor to those annoying
bastards at school, the cause is completely lost.  (It may be
necessary to create those needful times, sabotage Ranma, etc.)

7.  HE MUST BE A GOOD KISSER!  This would be the final seal to
securing Akane's love, and the most important factor.  Nothing stays
in a girl's mind like a kiss (and we all know Ranma's success in this
matter!), and he would be insidiously attacking her defenses everytime
you smile.




Once a suitor has attained Akane, he can have her happily commited to
solitary confinement in an asylum, and marry Nabiki.


Alandra.

This is all fun, please, no character debates, etc.  Private replies
to mystavash@yahoo.com.

If you've read "The Token Male" you'd understand why I was NOT under
the influence of any substance in the writing of this.

Happy Valentines day, everybody, and good night.
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