Gary Ee wrote:

First Fanfic alert! If you've got C&C, you can send it to
jolly_rog@hotmail.com please send constructive criticism. Don't just sa=
y
"you suck", say "you suck because....". Flames are welcome; we've got t=
o
start the barbecue somehow....=20

First problem.  You didn't write it in .txt format.  Unless you wanted 
random "=" signs scattered all over the place, this was a bad idea.

Author's notes: The character Tendo Akodo is NOT my avatar! I'm nowhere
near him in temperament or personality. If you see a character running
amuck with a chainsaw in this fic, take a wild guess whose avatar it is=
,
heh, heh. This character is actually an almagam of Himura Kenshin (from=
 the
anime Rurouni Kenshin), Tendo Nouma (from Richard Lawson's superb "Magi=
c"
series), Guo Jing (from the Chinese novel Return of the Condor Heros) a=
nd
Tendo Kasumi (If you don't know where Kasumi comes from and have been
reading Ranma fics, you need help.).=20

He sounds nauseatingly perfect.  

Conventions:
" "- Dialogue. You'll have to guess from context who is talking because
putting 'He said' or 'she said' tends to get rather tiresome.

That is why professional authors use synonyms like "responded", "commented",
"screamed" and "sang out".  Variety is the spice of life.  

< >- Thoughts
*- Reference or word that will be explained later.
* *- Foreign language, usually Chinese.
[ ]-sounds

@ @-Akane talking
$ $-Nabiki talking
^_^ ^_^-Kasumi talking

--------------

Winter had come to Nerima, blanketing the land with a shroud of freshly
fallen snow. Underneath the pristine white landscape lay a district tha=
t
was accountable for much of the chaos that plagued this section of the
Tokyo megalopolis (of course the Tomobiki area had its fair share of
insanity too.). At the moment the early hour and constant snow meant th=
at
the Nerima district settled into a near unsettling calm that was starti=
ng
to drive some of its residents insane.

Ranma paced back and forth in the living room of the Tendo Dojo, the ve=
ry
picture of impatience.

"Argghh.... How much longer is it gonna snow?! First it snows all night=
 and
then a blizzard comes out of nowhere. Yeesh, I'm so bored, I'd welcome
school!"

Strange weather for Tokyo.

Akane walks in holding a steaming mug of tea she had proudly brewed
herself. Too bad she only managed to pour one mug's worth of tea into a
lead lined pewter mug custom made to withstand Akane Culinary Disasters=
TM.
(Nabiki got sick of paying for replacements after Akane's "Teas" ate
through the last eight sets of teacups) The 'tea' burned a hole straigh=
t
through the teapot on its journey to the center of the Earth before she
could fetch another. (YOU try to find a Pewter lead-lined teapot and se=
e
how long it takes for YOU to find one. If so contact Nabiki, she's been
searching for one these last few months with no success).=20

Not a particularly funny application of that cliche.  Lead is, incidentally,
not particularly chemically inert.  

"You Kawaiikune Tomboy! You can't even boil water, let alone brew tea!"

"Ranma no Baka!!!!!!!!!!!!"

<Oh crap! Akane's doing her 'battle-aura of death' thingie. This is gon=
na
hurt.>

Still not funny.  

Akane pulled her mallet Much Destructive Force version 1.0 (MDF-1) from
hammerspace and used it to send Ranma into the Troposphere courtesy of
Akane Airlines (like we haven't seen her do that a billion times before=
).

I've never seen her do it.  

As for the rest of it, bad formatting makes it difficult to proofread.  
However, I do think you're spending too much time lecturing us about the
nature of each of the characters and not enough time getting on with the
story, whatever it is.