Insert "I don't own several of these folks" disclaimer.
	Insert "Lime scented stuff" disclaimer.
	Insert "Gomen if anyone resembles anyone in RL" disclaimer.
	Insert "Borrowed plots" disclaimer.
	Insert "The author's insane" disclaimer.
	Insert "The author's obsessed with disclaimers" disclaimer.
	And now, on with the story!
	Oh, and <<this is dialog in the cats' language.>>

*** *** ***   *** Cut Here  ***   *** *** ***

               *** F I S H ! ***
An insane fusion of Red Dwarf and DBZ
                By Ryo Hoshi

	One: Giant Mice?  You Gotta Be Kidding...


	Trunks watched the computer, hoping for an answer.
	"I said, why are you female now?"
	"TRUNKS-CHAN!!!"
	Trunks blanched.  "Ohpleaseletitnotbeherohplease..."
	"Her" was Ai Moroboshi, the daughter of the most lecherous man in the
universe and the oni princess, Lum.  Distressingly, she had inherited her
mother's powers and her father's lecherous tendencies.  She was dressed in a
uniform that, though on most women it would be businesslike, was on her as
much of a turn on as a skimpy bikini.  Her black hair was short, her horns
covered by her tiger-striped headband.  On her forehead was a white romanji H.
	"Is the H for ecchi or hentai?" he muttered as Ai tried to glomp him.


	*** *** ***

	Neko looked at the two.
	"What they?" she thought.

	*** *** ***	

	Trunks sighed in relief as Ai went through him and 'hit' the floor, crying
out in utter despair.  "Holly, or whatever your name is now, what is Ai doing
here?"
	"I brought her back as a hologram, so that you'll stay sane."
	"Why *HER*?"
	"You've said approximately 20,000 words to her since you came aboard this
ship."
	"Yes, most of them in hopes of getting her to let go of me!!!"
	Missing her que, Neko came down from the ventilation ducts at just that time.
	"What you are?"
	Trunks blinked.  Ai stopped sobbing and blinked.
	Trunks hit the floor.  Hard.

	*** *** ***

	Trunks didn't want to open his eyes.
	Everything was going to be alright, he told himself.  He wasn't really stuck
all alone on the ship with a hentai and a (mostly) naked catgirl, millions of
light-years from Earth.  He was safe in the infirmary, or maybe his bunk in
the room he shared with Goten, and it was all a bad dream.  He knew, though,
that he was lying to himself.
	"Him alive?"
	"Yeah, Neko.  Trunks, stop faking still being out."
	"How'd you know?"
	"You were twitching.  Don't worry, I got some clothing on her."
	"How?"
	"Bribed her."
	"Where my reward?"
	"Check the dispenser in here."
	Neko stood up and crossed the room, the oversized T-shirt she was wearing
just managing to cover her decently.
	"So...what is she?"
	"She says that she's a descendant of your cat."
	"It was Goten's cat, not mine!"
	Ai rolled her eyes.  "Whatever.  Anyway, from what I can get out from her,
most of the rest of her kind left the ship.  I'm not able to find out why."
	Meanwhile, Neko had figured out how to open the dispenser.  Inside sat a
small black and white container.  Neko picked it up and examined it, trying to
figure out how to open it.  Eventually she managed to pry off the lid.  She
pick up the object that was in the box and held it up, sniffing it curiously.
	"What this?"
	"It's a fish.  You've never seen one before?  What did you eat?"
	"Mouse!"
	"..."
	"Mouse big!" Neko said happily, ignorant of the facefaults she was getting.
"Mouse *this* big!" she announced, holding her arms out in a size-giving
gesture.  If she was close to right, then the mouse she was indicating was the
size of a small car.
	"..."
	"Why you look like that?"  Neko waited for an answer for only a few minutes,
then ate the fish and wandered off.

	*** *** ***

	It took Trunks three hours to start asking himself why Ai was not trying to
glomp Neko.

	*** *** ***

	Somewhere in the bowels of the ship, there sits a chair.  IN front of this
chair kneels Neko, holding up the remains of the fish in offering.
	<<Honored Grandmother, I bring you the remains of a new creature.>>
	<<Oh, how nice, fish bones.  Just what I've always wanted.>>
	Neko looked up, startled.  <<Honored Grandmother, you know of fish?>>
	<<Best food in the universe.  Nice T-shirt, by the way.>>
	<<...>>

	*** *** ***

	Ai was busily working away on the computers, sipping away on some holographic
coffee and abusing a holographic keyboard.
	"Ai, why didn't you try to glomp that catgirl?"
	"Holli...she was, well, too damn innocent."
	"Innocence never stopped you before."
	"Remind me to tell you sometime about the time I tried glomping Kasumi...or
Belldandy..."
	"What happened?"
	"Well, in Kasumi's case, this guy -- Kasumi called him Akane, for some reason
-- pounded me into the floor.  Pretty much the same thing happened when I
glomped Belldandy, 'cept this time it was her sisters and there were a few
magical attacks mixed in."
	"Ow."
	"Pretty much."

	*** *** ***

	That night, Neko went in search of the giant mice.
	Trunks was lying in his bunk, sleeping happily.
	Ai searched the computers, for reasons best left unknown now.
	Honored Grandmother did whatever Honored Grandmothers did at night.


*** *** ***   In the next episode 

[Scene: we're looking over a chair at Neko.  Neko is talking to someone
sitting in the chair.]
NEKO:	<<Honored Grandmother, I don't understand.
	<<Trunks says he's a 'man,' but what is a 'man'?>>
H. GM:	<<Where should I start...>>

[Scene: Trunks is in the shower.]
TRUNKS:	::washing himself and humming a tuneless little tune::
AI:	::sticks her head through the wall::  Hi, Trunks-chan!
TRUNKS:	AHHH!!!
AI:	::giggles::

[Scene: Ai is on the bridge of the ship, reading one of the computer screens.]
AI VO:	I've gotta figure out where that solid light thing is...

*** *** ***   *** Author's notes/rant ***   *** *** ***

	Well, this is the second draft.  As you might have noticed, this is a bit
longer.
	I'm going to spend the rants in the first few parts covering little details
about why some of the characters act the way they do, and what you can expect
to see in the future...

RE: Ai Moroboshi
	I know, a lot of you say she should be going after Neko, not Trunks, if she
inherited her father's lecherous tendencies.  I don't see any reason why this
has to be, but as a compromise, Ai is going to be an aggressive bisexual.
	Don't complain too much, please.

RE: Neko
	Here life is simple: Neko is a cross between Kasumi Tendo and Shampoo.
	This means, among other things, that the others are incredibly reluctant to
talk about such things as sex around her, let alone make passes on her.  (A
good thing, for she'd not even notice.)

RE: Trunks
	Slightly different version of Trunks known to all.  There is a certain level
of emotional scarring here, and he's gotten a bit on the shy side.

RE: Honored Grandmother
	No, I'm not gonna reveal who's taken the role of Cat Priest over yet.  You'll
have to wait until _Heaven_&_Earth_

RE: _Heaven_&_Earth_
	Well, when I'm done this story, I'll start on H&E, where I tell why Trunks
went out on the Red Dwarf, what happened to the Cats in this universe (plus
there will be a good bit of background on their culture), and the Red Dwarf
returns to Earth.  Unlike FISH!, I can be pretty sure that H&E will be dark.


		--Ryo Hoshi
"Great.  My one bit in this scene and I get upstaged by a mallet."
		--Steph from Freakazoid, episode/fragment: "The Lobe"