On Sat, 06 Feb 1999 12:58:57 -0500 Ryoga@Norfolk-County.com writes:
Konban wa!
Ko ni chi wa.
Her is my fanfic...let us hope i don't get too much flame mail too
Uh...that should read *Here*, not *Her*. *i* should be capitalized,
whether you're feeling inferior or not.
Anyway, I give a few comments on it; it's not a MST, but I really don't
have the inspiration to do a whole MST3k on such a short. Maybe next
time...
much, ne?
Shin seiki Evangelion is owned by Gainex. All use in the story of
Gainex=Gainax
misspelling=corrected version. I find it an easier way to point out
mistakes.
Character and there likeness is only for entertainment use.
there=their
Any yelling at me for use these characters incorrectly will be
executed to a hand full of nasty figure gestures.
use=using
And boy, do I hate being flashed the 'East Coast Crack Dealer' hand
symbol...just kidding.
Enjoy
------------------------------------------------------------------------
-----------------
tick tock tick tock tick tock.
doki doki doki doki doki doki-B@P!
Ouch...sorry.
Slevens clock ticks away on his desk. The light flickers a
Slevens=Sleven's
little, due to the generator is a little old, and needs a cleaning.
'due to the generator' should read 'due to the fact that the generator',
or something alone those lines.
The light illuminates the room, but just barely. Many house are equipped
with generators, do to the prices of electricity are high. Not very
'do to the prices of electricity'? Tsk, tsk. Serious grammar prob there.
Maybe 'for the prices of electricity' would work.
many people can afford hooking up to the cities power plants. Most
people
make do with the generator, or some oil lamps for lighting. Stoves
are powered by gas, vehicles are powered by gasoline, and people still
pick and grown there own food.
there=their , again...
It has been 1000 years since the 3rd coming. Its is the year 3015.
O_o...very interesting. A 'continuation' NGE fic, set 1000 years in the
future.
Neon Genesis Evangelion 1000:1
Here we go again.
If 'Here we go again.' is the subtitle of this part...perhaps you would
wish to capitalize and put in quotations.
<snip>
The course call "The Worlds Rebirth" is the life and history
call=called
of everything that lead up to and after affects when the third coming,
third coming = third impact? Actually, calling it the 'third coming is
OK, as it fits as a biblical ref...
came. It a course that is taught very lightly though out first to
ninth grade. In his sophomore year he must learn it. Sleven hated this
class, andhe did so with a passion. The homework was mostly boring,
writhing
andhe = and he
papers on what you think about Tesla 15:7 or what might happened if
the sons and daughters of Susami entered the forbidden Area, like they
were told not to.
Sleven hated most was the book, "The Neon Genesis". A book
which was spread to every Neo-Country, and put in every known language.
The
book was a symbol of hope and prosperity of the new world.
(Load of crap), thought Sleven, as he read some of the passages.
Heh. I'm guessing you had to endure Christian Life classes as a freshman.
Nice irony here, whether it is intentional or not. In fact, there's
enough to turn this into a religious parody...not that I'm asking for
one.
Shinji 21:14 The Angle hovered to us, floating on the wind like
it was a feather. Not a sound was made from it. When we tried to get
close, it destroyed anything it consider dangerous. Then it
consider = considered
started to drill.
<snip>
Kaoru 19:25 My arms shook, afraid of what he had said. Saying that he
is one of
gods army. Kaoru 19:26 In my amazement, he smiled as he told
gods = God's
that he want to understand what it was like to be human.
Kaoru 3:16 is now officially going into my .sig file ^_^. That'd be a
good in-joke, y'know...
(A human who was in actuality a angel.) "Bullshit" spoke
Sleven, as he shut the book and tossed it on to his bed. Sleven
stretched to loosen the >joints that have been crammed in to the chair
for the last 3 hours now.
"What does this have to do with me? I don't believe any of it."
Staring at the book that lies slightly twisted on his bed, he
sighed. (mom did pay a bit for that version) With a deep sigh.
mom = Mom
And shouldn't that read 'sigh,' as opposed to 'sigh.' ?
Sleven picks the book up off the floor. As he picks it up a page that
was
semi-open displays the first moments of the after affects of the 3rd
coming.
Neon-Genisis 00:1 The sky red with the blood of rebirth. No sunset
would ever compare to hues and the shades that sky wrought.
Neon-Genisis 00:2 Reds that would put an apple or a fire engine
to shame. So red that even satan would be ashamed of his
Satan should be capitalized.
hell.Neon-Genisis 00:3 In the blood red sky, shades of lighter hue
^
There should be a space at the arrow.
<snippage>
That part one...... let see if i can accully make a part two...
Uh, that should be typed 'actually'.
Seriously, this is an original fan-fiction(at least, I'm pretty sure that
this is a relatively new idea) that has a lot of potential. It is marred
by some errors which I hope are ironed out by the time part 2 comes out.
--
"What if we are the fallen ones?" - Eric W. Stockwell
~Bungie
My *.sig is bigger than yours ^_^ -- Theo @ Earth, Captain Bungie @
Cyberspace
PERVERSION '99 -- Ministry Of Darkness -- Writer's Block -- "Dude, I am
NOT a kiss-ass!" ~Me
Send Mail To: http-www.no.tomorrow.com@juno.com,
CactusJack27@netscape.net
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