Rather more interesting and plausible.  I can now live with 
aerial Ranma since at least you are varying the formula a little.  
However you've got spelling errors all over the place.  You may wish to 
ask for pre-readers to weed some of them out if you can't find them 
yourself.  You could also try one of those spellchecking word 
processors, just remember to write it as text and save it as text once 
you are finished.