Subject: Re: [FFML][Ranma][Dark]Pleasure and Pain (2nd Draft)
From: "Tom, aka Rogue" <zaphodx2@earthling.net>
Date: 2/2/1999, 6:00 PM
To: <ffml@fanfic.com>, "Dot Warner" <dot_warner17@my-dejanews.com>

And then Akane remembered something else.

"The iodine's being used up awfully fast," Kasumi had
noted earlier.

"Ranma's probably using it," Nabiki had replied.

"But no one would use that much iodine in such a
short time! It stings something horrible!"

'Oh, God...' Akane rushed downstairs.

I'm still having a little bit of trouble reaching the same conclusion
that Akane is making.  Still, I'm willing to make the jump to continue
reading this excellent fic.

What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger.  No
pain, no gain.  The true mark of a martial artist.  His father
had taught him that.

Did I miss this in the first draft?  An excellent pointer towards a
possible source of the problem.

Uncle Genma doesn't rant and rave about his "coward
of a son" anymore.  As soon as Aunt Nodoka found out
about what happened, she marched over to our house and
dragged Uncle Genma into the dojo.  I couldn't quite
understand what was being said, but after that, Uncle Genma
only talked when Aunt Nodoka spoke to him.

This makes me angry; why would he do such a thing?  He's part of the
source of the problem!  I had to cheer upon reading about Nodoka's part
though.  I'm not suggesting to change this, just commenting on how I
felt.

Ukyou and I have come to a truce.  She visits Ranma
as often as she can.  Even though Konatsu covers for her
when she's not there, he tells me that people have been
reluctant to go to Ucchan's any more because of her
association with Ranma.  As if Ranma's mental illness were
contagious or something.

Very, very good point to make.  Odd how in our "enlightened" age, we can
still come to some ignorant conclusions....

I'll never be able to forgive myself for that.

I like these last three paragraphs.  Wrapping up Akane's feelings about
the entire situation.  You seem to have brought her past the
stereotypical Akane by making her understand others' perspectives on the
situation.  How she can do that is kind of mind-boggling.  I would have
been more than a bit PO'd if I had heard anyone make comments like that
and wouldn't have thought twice about the wherefore or why.

Still good, and even better with the additions.

-Tom