Hi, I'm Razorclaw X, one of the most blunt and possibly cruel
commentors out here. Say what you like, but I'm here now.

As well as one of the least informed...you have a LOT of misinformation,
Razorclaw. In an attempt to straighten out the mess you made of this C&C...

"JUPITER THUNDERBOLT ZAP!"
The lightning bolt flew into the Youma... and continued through,=20
scorching the street behind it.=20

 I won't pretend to know what this 'thunderbolt zap' is, but if youma
are still running around....

Come on, at least pretend to help this poor author. Would it hurt to inform
this person that the proper name of the attack is 'Supreme Thunder'?

"He did" said Amy, pointing to Ranma, who was busy trying to get=20
crystal shards out of his black pants.

 Traditionally, you don't cross the NA names with the Japanese names.
(you don't pronounce 'Ami' the same as 'Amy'). Also, while the girls are
in their transformed states, they usually refer to each other as by
their names (Sailor Moon, etc...)

This much is quite true.

"Aw, It was 'nothin. I'm a martial artist. We do that sort of thing

all=20

the time where im from. Well, I got to get back to Nerima, Akane=20
probably thinks I'm with Unchan or something. Uh, where am I

An actual bit of C&C on the story here: should be 'Ucchan'.

The scouts all face faulted

And you need a period there.

"Your in Juuban" said Amy, recovering her wits quickly. "Juuban?

Dang,=20

Akane got some good hang time this time. Well, I gotta go, see you

later=20

sometime maybe."

 I hope you break this into two paragraphs. Incidentally, Sailor Moon
is based in Tokyo.

Okay, THIS is what prompted me to reply to this particular C&C.

INCIDENTALLY, Razorclaw X, and everyone else, Sailormoon is based in
JUUBAN, a district in the MINATO ward of TOKYO.

So yes, Sailormoon is based in JUUBAN.

Ranma 1/2 is based in the FURINKAN district of the NERIMA ward of TOKYO,
*incidentally*, just as a point of note.

 Okay, to be blunt: it was terrible.

I'm going to agree with this. The writer of this fic needs help
desparately. This was a complete and total piece of garbage. Not only is
the writing terrible, but there's way too many things going on here which,
quite frankly, do NOT work.

 If you want to write about Sailor Moon, you cannot mesh both the
Japanese and NA names; people will hunt you if you use 'Negaverse' and
'youma' together, for instance. It has to be one or the other, but since
there's a general tendancy toward the NA names, stick with that and drop
'Usagi' and 'youma' altogether.

Since when is there a general tendency towards the NA names? For every
eight Sailormoon fics I read, only one uses those atrocities.

 If you want to write about Sailor Moon, you cannot make them dumber
than they already are. I mean, even stupid people know that secret
identities are meaningless unless they are a SECRET.

I'll agree with that one, more or less. Secret identities are secret for a
reason.

 If you want to write about Ranma 1/2, you cannot force your opinion of
him on the reader. A lot of people think Ranma's stupid, and others may
think he's smart, but you simply can't do that. Forced opinion = death
trap for writers.

Agreed.

 If you want to write a fanfic, give the reader a good idea who's
talking, who's saying what, and what they're doing (instead of telling
the reader that so-and-so is doing this blatently).

Agreed.

 Nerima isn't THAT far from Tokyo (the city). And AFAIK there's no such

Nerima is PART of Tokyo, FYI. Tokyo is divided into numerous wards, and
Nerima, the Nerima seen in Ranma 1/2, is one such ward.

place as 'Juuban;' Sailor Moon takes place in Tokyo itself as far as I
can see (Tokyo Tower, for example, is in just about every other episode,
and is in definite walking distance for the girls).

Juuban, often translated as 'Tenth Street district', is a district within
the Minato ward, and is VERY MUCH the actual backdrop for Bishoujo Senshi
Sailormoon. It is also very much located in Tokyo. As is Furinkan, as is
Nerima-ku.

Minato-ku is adjacent to Meguro-ku, the ward in which the Tokyo Tower
stands. Given the size of the Tokyo Tower, it can probably be seen for
quite some distance.

The moral of this story: at least *try* to know some facts before you spout
off.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------
"This is your brain. This is your brain on a plate.
This is your brain on a plate with fava beans.
Any questions?"

***

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