Sailor Pythons's
FLYING DEAD MOON CIRCUS
by DARK DAY FOR ANIME
Chapter 1 - "Lemon Curry" or "Is That A Handful Of Snails In Your Mouth,
Or Are You Just Pleased To Eat Me?"
Warning - This story contains various acts of culinary atrocities.
Well, you've been warned. I mean it, really, truly I do.
This was written to insert as many gratuitous references to Python
sketches into Sailormoon and it just got out of control. What can I
say? I'm havin' a wee problem with ma Goggomobile. That's Gee Oh Gee
Gee Oh....
Disclaimer - Sailormoon is owned by Takeuchi Naoko and Bandai.
Evangelion and the Ayanami Rei character are owned by Gainax (and Anno
Hideaki? Maybe. Maybe not. Will someone just give that man some
Prozac). Illusions to Please Save My Earth are owned by Hiwatari Saki.
I sincerely hope none of them sue me for this as they will find very
little recompense for their actions.
When the Ancients set up their Universal Theme parks, one of the
things they hadn't expected to cause trouble was reality.
Now reality is normally an easy concept to keep under control. It
usually just happens and nobody really thinks about it. Its just when
aspects of reality come loose at the seams that problems raise their
collective heads. And in the case of such breaches, collective is
usually the term best used.
After several of their Universal Theme Parks went up with the
force of a couple of exploding super-supergiant singularities, the
Ancients decided it was time to take measures, and reality, into their
own hands.
Rather than create the various universii and allow them to look
after themselves, Ancients were trained to become Guardians of the
Universal Reality Protocols (GURPs for short). Most tried to shun the
acronym, unsurprisingly.
Now, the Job description for a GURP sounds simplisitc enough. Sit
through the Universal Reality Check Sweeps conducted by the Universe's
Central Computer, and deal with any breaches of reality that pop up.
Unfortunately, as the early GURPs were to find out, dealing with the
breaches were not as easy as they expected.
One of the biggest problems in dealing with Reality Breaches was
the insertion into the timestream of the various universii of their own
selves. To manipulate reality back into a stable stream, there was no
choice but for the GURPs to get their hands dirty. Merely using their
powers to change events ran the risk of upsetting the Universal Program
But, if any of the inhabitants of their universe discovered the true
nature of both the GURP and the Universe to which they were born, the
breach that was already in existence began to feed on itself.
The concept of something OUTSIDE the reality of the Universe was
enough to cause a vacuuming effect on the stability of that reality,
increasing the likelihood that the breach will get out of control.
Often the only way to stop the breach at this point would be to destroy
all those involved in a cataclysm, and the GURPs were loathe to use such
methods. Whilst the beings that existed in the Universii were nothing
more than a construct of the Ancients, they did have a kind of sentience
that could be said, on occasion, to match that of their creators....
And so the business of becoming a GURP became institutionalised
into Ancient society. Universal Universities were set up to educate
potential GURP candidates in their duties. Very few would pass, but
enough to fill up the rapidly expanding number of Universal Theme Parks.
One of those successful candidates was Jyoserin Tepukataya. Well,
successful was something of a loose term for Jyoserin, since she passed
with a B- on her third attempt, but all the same, anything above C was
considered a pass in this game, and most failed to get even as high as
that.
And so, after graduating, she applied for a GURP position, not
really expecting to get one. She'd initially applied to the Universal
University in the hope of achieveing nothing more than a cushy job
within the company's finance department. If there was anything she had
been good at, it was making money, mostly for herself, and mostly
through bribery and corruption.
So it came as something of a surprise to her when she was posted
to one of the newly-developed universes. And a patently boring one at
that. Universe JTN 025L, operated by Central Computer Kam Kam 25. Even
before she took up her position, she just knew she'd hate the CC. Kam
Kam models were known for their eccentric behaviour.
If there was one aspect to GURP duties that Jyoserin REALLY hated,
it was the long, boring millenia waiting for something to happen. And
up to this point, nothing had. She'd existed through twelve sweeps
without a single crack in reality being found (give or take the little
glitches that normally occur, such as cursed springs and the like). And
so, she spent most of this voluminous spare time tormenting lower life
forms.
Well, it was amusing to begin with. Using the existing program of
the universe to instill a little religious, racial and political
intolerance and guilt in the weak-minded and gullible gave her endless
millenia of joy. But it soon became a bore after the five-millionth act
of genocide caused by yet another tin-pot dictator, and as the Universe
ended its twentieth cycle and began another, she'd decided to go into
hibernation....
Jyoserin sat cross-legged and silent in front of a glowing sphere.
Gently, it ticked away. It had been doing this for something close to
an eternity, give ot take lunch breaks, but for some reason it had
started to sound a tad more earnest. Well, about as earnest as a sphere
of light that ticked could sound.
Then it let out a shrill ringing, the image of a pair of alarm
bells being struck appearing within, and Jyoserin was shaken into
wakefulness. Very reluctantly. She snorted and coughed and wiped drool
from the side of her mouth, cursing whatever it was that bothered her.
Her attention slowly becoming focused, she saw the bells within the
sphere of light ringing. In anger she brought her fist down on the
sphere, which shattered into nothingness.
"Bluddie cheap alarms". She thought. "Couldn't ya have waited
another five minutes?" Jyoserin stood, almost floating in the darkness
that surrounded her, and stared upwards. She yawned and scratched her
head. She'd chosen the humanoid form as it roughly equivalated the
appearance of the majority of intelligent lifeforms within the universe
she worked. That didn't mean she had to like it, but it would get her
round without being noticed by too many of the inhabitants when they
came a knocking on her door. Not that many ever did. It was an
interesting distraction, however, and she'd planted signs all over the
neighbouring systems pointing to her little residence, which was roughly
the size of a small megapolis.
"Kam-Kam.... Are you awake?"
"Of course I'm awake. What else did you think I'd be?"
Jyoserin winced. Oh well, looks like he's in a better mood than I
am, she thought to herself. Darkly, she contemplated what effect a
processor refit would have.
"Well, you know... Its kinda been a long time since we last
spo...."
"Yes yes yes, I know its been a long time. Hell, I was awake
through every single moment of it. After all, I may be a computer but I
do have a least some level of sentience..."
"Very well... I..."
"I mean, the least you could have done was set that alarm a little
softer. I've made a hell of a mess in the thermo conductor units cos of
that. I was only doing a spot check on it, the five-millionth such spot
check in the time you decided to go sleepy-byes. I wasn't effing well
expecting you to wake up, was I? I mean, you could have told me what
the bloody hell your intentions were... I mean, yes, I do run the
sweeps, and when they find a reality breach the alarm goes off, but I'd
waited so long for something to happen that I thought it best to do
something else. Its certainly not like you've ever given me any
entertainment to wile away the hours...."
"Ahem... Can..."
"And here I was, sitting for all this time, logging and recording
events from around the universe, which was interesting at first but
rapidly became as boring as an episode of Voyager, whilst you were off
in dreamland. I had to sit here and keep everything going. Does the
computer get any rest, oooohhhh nooooo! No, whilst you have all the
fun, I am bored to ratshit. I mean, did you know that the sum total of
all knowledge exists within my databanks, eh? You know what that means?
There is nothing more to learn! And here I am, sitting here watching a
stack of predictable bullshit, not able to talk to anyone with anything
resembling an intelligent response, whilst you were off kippin' away for
fuck knows 'ow many years...."
"Kam-Kam...."
"And on top of that I've developed rot in the hard drives...."
"Kam-Kam...."
"I'm stickin on heaps of antifuckingfungals and the bloody problem
doesn't get any better...."
"Shutup...."
"And not long after that, those drums of gearing oil you got on
special started to coagulate within the timing machanisms of my internal
clock. Time began to slow down for me. Do you know what it is like
having to wait for an eternuty to pass in slow motion? No, I don't
suppose you do, you were sleeping through it all, weren't you..."
"Shutup..."
"And then we had another infestation in the storehouse of Gurmbal
Rats. The little bastards had porked their way through at least half
the rations before I was able to scrag them with the ratsac. And cheap
fucking ratsac it was too, bought from the same fucking discount store
you got the gearing oil from...."
"Will you shutup..."
"And then when I try to talk to people out there, actually attempt
an intelligent conversation, you know, friendly like, they don't listen
to me. Just spout on bullshit about a galactic brotherhood and how nice
it is to know that there is life in the universe. I mean, I friggin'
well know there is life in the universe. Why tell me. I know
everything, fer Klepps fuckin' sake....."
"Will...You...Shutup!"
"And so I told one of them, one of these so-called 'intelligent'
races about my problems, about the hard-drives and the oil and the rats
and about not being able to talk to anyone and how I knew everything and
all that, and the bastards go and commit mass-suicide, I mean, I was
only trying to be friendly and all..."
"Shutup! Will you shutup!?!"
"And then there were all the Mormons that would come knocking on
the door, asking if I was interested in joining their church. I didn't
have the heart to tell the poor sods that I created the concept of
religion in the first place because I thought it might be good for a
laugh, so I told them that I wasn't interested and set the Smugul onto
them. I was cleaning up bits of bodies from all over the side of the
station for years after that..."
"Oh Klepp, will you please shutup!"
"And did you know we're about three million years overdue in our
electricity bill? I mean, you could at least have allowed me to get
control of the account so I could have payed it off. But noooo, you
only ever want to keep control of such things. You're terrified of the
computer having control over anything. I mean, I know I purchased the
complete set of the Encyclopdia Galactica the last time I had control
but honestly I won't do it again. I just wanted to fob off the salesman
somehow, and you know they never send people small enough to get eaten
by the Smugul. I had to think of something really fast...."
"KAM-KAM! GIVE ME A STATUS REPORT ON ALL THE IMPORTANT EVENTS
SINCE I BEGAN MY HIBERNATION!!! CAN YOU DO THAT FOR ME? PLEASE?
PRETTY PLEASE?"
The computer sulked. "Aww... Now you're just picking on me."
"Just do it, fer Klepp's sake."
"Can you define important?"
"What do you mean?" Jyoserin croaked in exasperation.
"I mean important, as in galaxies being blown to crappers, or
important as in the little wriggly things that populate the universe. I
mean, there is a scale of importance out there, you know. Klepp
almighty, just take a look out the windows to the west, now there's
something important. That supergiant black hole is about to go kablooey
cos its event horizon is getting sucked in with everything else.
That'll be fun to watch when it goes. Course.... it'll be another
three billion years yet, but I can wait. Hell, waiting is all I seem to
be able to do around here...."
"You KNOW what I mean about important. Just gimme da facts, man!"
Jyoserin sighed. She knew it had been a bad idea to use the O9 System
on the Kam-Kam series.
"Oh, I suppose I must." Kam-Kam sniffed with contempt. "There's
been a few breaches in the reality protocols since the last sensor
sweep."
"When and where?"
"The first occured in the LN50 galaxial system, a stable
supergiant black hole structure in the Third Sector. The problem
cleared itself...."
"Revise the instructions.... Are there any breaches of reality
protocol that have NOT cleared themselves?"
"Ah..." Kam-Kam gave an audible sigh. Well, that's what it
sounded like to Jyoserin, anyway. She wondered how it was possible for
a computer, even with a level of intelligence and self-awareness, to
develop the kind of emotions that would lead them to sighing. "So you
want me to tell you if there are any occurrences of the reality protocol
breaches NOT clearing themselves, do you?"
Now it was her turn to sigh. "Yes, that is what I said. Were the
instructions less than clear or something?"
"Well, you do seem to spend a lot of your time ordering me around.
Its not really fair, I must say. I mean, here I am, having worked my
butt off for all eternity and still you won't give me a moment's
rest...."
"JUST ANSWER THE FUCKING QUESTION, DAMMIT!"
Kam-Kam gave a contemptuous sniff. "Oh very well, yes, there is
one occasion where the breach has not cleared itself."
"And where might this be then?"
"A little world, in the galaxy known as Mutter's Spiral. The
galactic name given to it is Telluria, but its local inhabitants tend to
refer it variously as the planet Earth."
Jyoserin mentally chewed on this piece of information (at least,
Kam Kam thought he could hear munching sounds). "That's the JS42
galaxy, is it not?"
"Indeed."
"That's something of a fringe system.... Its pretty rare for
conditions that lead to a breach to occur out there. Even more for the
conditions to persist."
"Should we tell them to see a doctor?"
Jyoserin ignored the remark. "Give me a visual on the location
and those involved."
A large image screen flashed up in front of Jyoserin's face. Kam-
Kam began a commentary on what was being shown. The first was the image
of a planet. "This is the planet Telluria. Its equatorial diameter in
12, 756 mellus, has a gravitational balance of 0.88 kerlan and orbits a
Gold4 class star. It has one large natural satellite of planetary
dimensions."
"Show me the epicentre of the breach." Jyoserin bit her lip as
the image of the planet enlarged to an island archipelago off the
eastern tip of the world's largest continental structure.
"The TE12 island group." Said Kam-Kam flatly. "A heavily
populated group of islands surrounded by an ocean of highly acidised
water. The population of the local dominant species is approximately
121 million."
"Well, we can't just sneak in then." Jyoserin rubbed her chin as
the image zoomed in even further onto what was obviously a mega-
population centre, a city, so to speak. Although the dwellings and
infrastructure were primitive, it showed signs of rapid formulative
change.... "These locals must have developed fairly quickly over the
last few medeks...."
"From the information I've been able to gather, their
technological developments have come in something of a rush. Although
their race has only been in true existence for approximately 4 million
medeks, their higher-brain development has come of age in the last
300..."
"Whaaaaaaat?" Jyoserin's jaw hit the floor, which Kam-Kam found
rather amusing. His Mistress's physical capacity for literal body
movement was enough for her to enter the Galactic Book of Records
several times in various categories. After she had retrived her jaw
from the floor, she continued.... "This can't be real! No race evolves
that far that fast. Its impossible! Even the Drc'Thet took three-
thousand medeks to achieve this level of development, and they burnt
themselves out...."
"Should I prepare the chamber for your intervention?" Asked Kam
Kam flatly. Jyoserin turned to a large cylindrical chamber, which was
illuminated at that moment. The chamber was created for the purpose of
taking the intellect of the GURP and inserting that intellect into the
mind of one of the Universe's inhabitants, using the powers invested
within the Ancients. Jyoserin considered her next move for a few
moments.
"Very well. We can't have this continuing. This rapid
development is obviously a by-product of the protocol breach...."
"Uh, ma'am...."
"Yes? What is it?"
"The breach has only been in existence for about five medeks
now...."
Jyoserin frowned.... "Five medeks...." She rubbed her chin a
moment. "Perhaps the rapid development caused the breach in the first
place...." She thought a bit longer. Kam-Kam disturbed her thoughts.
"Perhaps its a fluke. I mean, like the OPK incident. Nothing
more than a couple of potentiality streams accidentally crossing each
other...."
"Yes, and we know what happened then, don't we? Why the hell
anyone thought the smokeless ashtray was going to sell, I have NO
idea...."
"So, how do you intend to plan for this foray?"
Jyoserin thought about this for a few moments. "Give me a rundown
on the individuals involved in this incident, their personal histories
and what part they played..."
"Yes ma'am."
"And give me their current locations...."
It was not long after Rei had been diagnosed with a serious
impulse control disorder that the sailor senshi found themselves sitting
in Rei's bedroom at the Hikawa shrine, chatting away and generally doing
the kinds of things they tended to do before they had to fight for their
lives. For some reason, Minako had taken to pacing backwards and
forwards outside the doorway to the bedroom, softly singing to herself
about having a lovely bunch of coconuts. The others put this behaviour
down to the fact that she was blond and had spent a short period of time
in England.
"Hey, hey, did you meet that new girl in school today?" Usagi
leaned over the small table in an almost conspiratorial tone. Makoto
and Rei did the same so they could hear what she was saying. Ami simply
sat back, reading a book on the sex life of snails, trying desperately
to find some trace of her family history. "She was pretty strange.
Just standing and staring half the time, never saying anything." Usagi
continued.
"Why was she transferred to our school, anyway?" Makoto asked.
"She doesn't try to fit in with anyone.... Maybe she's... You
know...." Makoto pointed to her head.
"What? Mental?" Rei blurted out. Makoto and Usagi both clamped
a hand over her mouth. Then Makoto turned to Usagi.
"Why are we whispering this, anyway? She's not likely to hear
us."
"Yes, but you never know with these people, she might be hiding
just around the corner." Usagi and Makoto took their hands off Rei's
mouth. Rei turned to Makoto.
"What makes you think she's a screwhead, anyway?"
"Its all those bandages she keeps in her bag.... Covered in blood
and all...." Makoto shivered. Rei looked nonplussed.
"Bandages? Maybe she'd had an accident or something..."
"No, its more than that.... Its the way she plays with them that
gives me the creeps." Now both Usagi and Makoto started to shiver in
unison. Rei looked at the both of them and turned on the heater.
"Thanks." Said Makoto. Just at that moment there was a knock on
the side of the open doorway. Makoto turned to see a deliveryman
standing there. She got up and walked over to him.
"Yes?"
"Is this the Hikawa Shrine, 45a The Crescent, Fairmont Estate?"
"Yes, why?"
"Did you order a swamp thing with the lot?"
Makoto turned back to Usagi. "You're not ordering from
experimental food joints again, are you?"
"Th...th...th...these people are involved in this kind of
charade!?!?!?!" Jyoserin stared at the information as it scrolled over
the 3D display. "An ancient kingdom that once existed on the planet's
satellite, based on magic and love? What is this bullshit?"
"Don't ask me. Its not in my records. And everything exists in
my records."
"Yes, yes, yes, we know you're a smartarse, okay?" Jyoserin sat
back in her chair and suddenly remembered she didn't have one. After
picking herself up, rubbing her sore backside, she continued to
contemplate the scrolling information whilst trying to conjure up a
chair.
"The planet's satellite has been incapable of supporting any form
of life throughout its history. It has no atmosphere, no water, no
significant radiation belts, no sign of any of the basic building blocks
of life whatsoever...."
"Perhaps this so-called kingdom was set up by an alien race that
settled on the moon.... They could have based a small city-like station
there to watch over the planet below."
"And they're all suddenly reincarnated on the world below as the
local form of intelligent wildlife, currently enjoying the fruits of
this world's wonderful education system and getting all angsty over
memories of their past lives. Yeah right, I can see that happening."
"Actually, that did happen once, but nothing on the scale
suggested." An image of an abandoned space station appeared on the
display. Jyoserin stared at the image and scratched her head.
"Hmm... anyway, this is far too small to have anything to do with
this 'Moon Kingdom' legend."
Kam-Kam shrugged. Not that a computer can shrug, but it at least
attempted the task. This was mildly disconcerting for Jyoserin....
She'd never seen a computer attempt to shrug. Her expression said so.
"What can I say?" Kam-Kam replied to her expression. "I'm having
a wee problem with ma Goggomobile."
"Your what?"
"Never mind." There were times, Kam Kam thought to himself, when
his mistress lacked the mental capacity to grasp obscure humour.
(Jyoserin never had the heart to tell him that it was the same for
everyone else).
Jyoserin sighed and the displays disappeared. "I'm going to try
to possess one of them to influence the situation. Is the chamber
warmed up?"
"Yes ma'am." Kam-Kam seemed to hesitate for a moment as Jyoserin
was preparing to leave. "Umm.... ma'am..."
"Yes?"
"Who are you going to possess?"
"I'm keeping my options open."
"But you'll only be able to transfer yourself a limited number of
times before you have to return and recharge...."
"I know that. I'll have this worked out within a perimedek....
What can go wrong from here?" And with that, Jyoserin vanished,
reappearing in the possession chamber. Kam-Kam muttered to himself.
"Alright, Kam Kam, I'm choosing a subject now. You may switch on when
ready."
For a few moments, the chamber glowed, Jyoserin winking in and out
of existence, finally vanishing as the glowing reached a peak and a
rushing sound reached a crescendo. Kam Kam twiddled his thumbs,
wondering what to do next. He suddenly realised he didn't have any
thumbs, and stopped.
"Is she gone?" Asked a soft voice. Kam Kam's attention moved to
the small figure, now standing in the shadows.
"Yes, ma'am. However, it is only a matter of time before she
finds you."
The figure chuckled. "I most certainly hope so. I hate to think
that I've gone to this extent for her to fail such a simple task...."
Back at the Hikawa Shrine, the girls continued to sit around the
table, sighing. Makoto stared into the corner of the room, where the
swamp thing sat happily, not even showing any signs of moving. It just
watched them with what Makoto feared to be a somewhat hungry gleam in
its eye. Rei rapidly became bored with the situation, and decided to
perform mildly amusing acts of violence upon Ami, who had been feeding
her family of snails, referring to each by name and, most worryingly,
referring to one particular pair as "Mom and Dad". Minako continued to
pace outside the doorway, now crooning the greatest hits of Glenn
Miller. Considering there were often very few words to Glenn Miller's
repertoire, this proved to be very short and repetetive.
"What the bloody hell are we gonna do with that thing?" Makoto
thumbed the swamp thing. Usagi took another mouthful of Ami's snails,
crunching and drooling spit and slime down the front of her clothes and
across Makoto as she replied.
"B'gdifino.... J'sthtwouldbenicetaodarfromthasall...." Makoto
would proceed to spend some large portion of the rest of her life trying
to translate these words. As Usagi swallowed the slimy mess she wiped
her chin with the tablecloth. "You should really try them, Makoto, they
make great soft-centres."
"I don't think so somehow. Raw snail has never been high on my
list of favourite dishes."
"Aww, you're just mad cos I ordered the swamp thing and ya don't
wanna eat it."
"I'd like to see you try." Makoto growled. For some strange
reason she was feeling a bit agro today. She spun towards Rei, who had
Ami in a double overhead half nelson. "Will you STOP that fer
Chrissakes! Its really beginning to bug me!"
Rei huffed and let go of Ami, who collapsed onto the floor.
Jyoserin's soul flew through billions of light years in a matter
of seconds. She could see her target, within the small hut in the
shrine grounds..... All she had to do was to get the targeting
right.....
Ami looked up at Usagi, tears in her eyes from the pain of what
Rei had just afflicted upon her. Suddenly she froze.... Seeing her
beloved snail collection being ravaged by the mouth on legs herself. As
Usagi reached down to take the last specimen, Ami grabbed the container
where she had kept them
"Not Archibald! You're not going to have Archibald too!" Ami
gritted her teeth determinedly as she held the container protectively.
Usagi shot her a menacing look.
"I want that snail, Mizuno!"
"No! I'm not going to give him.... er.... her.... whatever.
I'm not going to give it to you! Don't you know this is my cousin,
twice removed?!?!"
"I won't tell you twice, Mizuno. Give me the snail." Usagi
leaned menacingly forward. Makoto was getting really pissed off now,
and she couldn't work out why.
"Will you BOTH just SHUTUP about the FUCKING SNAIL!!!!"
"No! I must eat that snail! It is my destiny as the Moon
Princess to eat that snail!"
"Umm... Excuse me..."
They all turned to the swamp thing, which had suddenly found voice
enough to speak. It recoiled initially from the dangerous looks they
sent. "Umm... er, if you wouldn't mind, I can start being a real swamp
thing now and attempt to maim, kill and eat you. That's if you like, I
mean I really don't have to, I'm quite happy to sit in the corner here
if you want me to and stare into space all day.... Umm.. Okay, I'll
shutup now." The swamp thing retreated to the corner again.
Jyoserin shot through the atmosphere towards the island
archipelago. The big city structure now in her sights. It came closer
and closer... The resolution becoming clearer. Eventually the
district... the suburb... the block... the street... the shrine came
into focus. Her soul plowed through the roof of the hut at an
unbelievable speed, and she felt herself crash into what she hoped was
the body of the one she had chosen to possess.... Slowly, she opened
her eyes. This seemed a little difficult to do for some reason, and she
swung the eyes upwards. There was a large face bearing down upon her,
and she felt a few moments of fear. The face came into focus....
Mizuno Ami!?!?!?! Jyoserin was shocked.... Mizuno had been her
target! then if she had missed Mizuno.... who the hell was she in?
"NO! I AM NOT GOING TO GIVE YOU ARCHIBALD!" Ami's incredibly
loud voice bellowed. Jyoserin swivelled around to look at the others.
"THIS IS YOUR LAST CHANCE MIZUNO! I WON'T TELL YOU AGAIN. GIVE
ME THE SNAIL!!!" Jyoserin could see Usagi's angry face bearing down on
both herself and Ami....
Oh fuck, Jyoserin thought.... I'm in the snail....
Usagi converged on Ami, putting out her hands like crooked claws.
Ami backed away, holding the container even more protectively. Makoto
had had enough. "WILL THE BOTH OF YOU FUCKING IDIOTS JUST STOP FUCKING
AROUND! I'VE HAD IT UP TO HERE WITH THIS BULLSHIT!!!!" And just to
prove her point, Makoto smashed her fists through the table. This
caught the attention of Usagi, Ami and Rei pretty quickly. Usagi fell
back towards the rear wall. The shock of what Makoto had done worked
like a spike through Usagi's sense of reality.
"Wh... Wh... What am I doing?" She looked at her shirt for a
moment, and suddenly became very ill. "I.... I just ate...." Usagi
put her hands over her mouth and turned around. Makoto gritted her
teeth and snarled.
"What are ya gonna do, Tsukino? Throw up all over Rei's nice
floor?"
"It's alright, you know, Mako-chan. I throw up over it all the
time. Ya know, parties and things.... See all the patches" Rei
pointed to little dark spots all over the floor. Ami stared at the
spots.
"You said that was rain damage." Rei looked up at Ami and
shrugged.
Makoto clenched her fists and stood, unable to withstand the
company of others a moment longer. "I've had enough. I'm outta here!"
And with that, Makoto stormed off through the doorway, almost bowling
over Minako, who had graduated from Glenn Miller to Irving Berlin. As
she strode towards the front gate, she put a hand to her forehead. Why
am I so angry, she thought to herself. Things seemed to be strange all
around.... Nothing seemed to be going right for her lately. Everyone
was giving her a hard time, picking on her, making fun of her....
She felt rage again, and continued with renewed vigour,
momentarily bowled over crossing the street outside by a creature on a
spring that shouted "Time for Bed"....
Rei and Ami watched Makoto go. Rei turned to Ami for a moment.
"What's gotten into her?" Ami shrugged at Rei's question. Suddenly,
there was a large crashing and splintering sound, and Rei was knocked
over Ami by a figure with a large can-opener which had smashed its way
through the wall. The container with Ami's snail went flying across the
room, and both it and the snail were skewered by the point of the can-
opener. Ami stared at this and broke out in tears as the figure stood
tall above both Rei and herself.
"DINSDALE!" The figure shouted. Rei looked up for a moment, her
eyes wide open in surprise.
"Ho.... Hotaru? What are you doing here?"
"DINSDALE!!!!" Hotaru's voice became much more menacing, staring
down at Ami and Rei with a psychotic gleam. Then she leapt through the
opposite wall, her footsteps disappearing across the Shrine's courtyard.
Rei stood a little groggily, rubbing her head. And they think I'm
the one with the problem, she thought to herself, and stared over at
Usagi, who had proceeded to coat one entire wall with snail paste. The
sight made her feel just a tad nauseous herself. Ami had crawled over
to the remains of her beloved Archibald, picking up the snail tenderly,
tears streaming from her eyes.
"My Archibald. My dear dear Archibald." Ami shook her head
sadly. "Oh well, waste not want not." And with that she swallowed the
snail, shell and all. Rei watched disgustedly as she smacked her lips a
few times. "Hmm..." Said Ami. "Needs salt."
It had been a rather painful way to leave a body, but being split
in half by a giant can-opener rather brought the story of the snail to a
very rapid end.
Jyoserin's soul flew away from the shrine. It had been more an
autonomic response that anything else... No real thought as to where
she was going to plant herself next... She just didn't want to feel the
pain of being in two halves for much longer, and who could blame her?
Her old man could, that's who!
Her father always said she'd be a total disaster as a GURP. Right
now, parentally-induced guilt was beginning to weigh her down.... She
needed to find another body quickly before things really began to get
out of hand.
It was no use trying to go back to the guest house. Whatever had
been causing the reality breach had created waves of chi around the
girls there. What she needed to find now was someone who was relatively
close to the others, but whose life was still vaguely normal. Almost
automatically, her soul was shot towards its new destination, and before
she had time to think, found herself slamming into the body of
another....
"Are you alright?" Umino stared at Naru as she hiccoughed for a
moment. Naru put her drink down and nodded to him, sitting across the
table within the coffee shop.
"Sorry, just a slight turn."
"Don't worry. I get them all the time." The emotionless voice
from the girl sitting next to Naru intoned. Umino and Naru looked at
her for a moment.
"Really, Ayanami-san?" Umino stated. "How long have you had this
problem?"
"I'm not really sure." She continued in her monotone. Then she
noticed Naru staring at her and turned to face her. "Nani?"
"Your hair is blue." Naru blinked a couple of times. Umino
looked from Ayanami to Naru.
"Uh.... Yeah. I think that's rather obvious, Naru-chan."
"Actually, its technically cyan. Or teal. Depends on your point
of view." The sentence was the longest the pair had ever heard Ayanami
express. For some reason they thought it would be the last time they'd
ever hear one like it. Ayanami stared at Naru, who stared ar her.
Ten minutes later, they were still staring.
Twenty minutes later, they were still staring.
Thirty minutes later, Naru decided that Ayanami wasn't likely to
ask her why she was staring, and stopped, using eyedrops to resurrect
her dehydrated eyeballs. Well, she thought, if I ever need someone to
use in a staring contest against a fish, I'll know who to ask....
"Um.... Sorry about that. It just occurred to me. you know,
about the hair."
"I see." Ayanami turned and downed the last of her now cold
coffee and stood, picking up her schoolbag. "I must be getting home. I
shall see you tomorrow."
"Wait, I'll walk with you." Naru stood. Ayanami shrugged.
"Be my guest. But what about...." Ayanami turned to Umino, who
had nodded off during their staring contest. "I guess that settles
that." Naru grabbed her schoolbag and the two girls wandered out of the
cafe.
Umino was asleep for only a couple of minutes more, when he was
woken by a girl with a large can-opener, smashing through the cafe
window and jumping onto his table.
"DINSDALE!" Was all she got out as Umino was knocked back by the
can-opener's handle during her next leap... Across the counter, bowling
over the girls who were serving there, through the doors into the
kitchen, and onwards to a chorus of smashing pots, pans and concrete.
Back at the guest house, Ami held Usagi's head in her lap. Usagi
still looked distinctly queasy, even after emptying the contents of her
stomach. Rei had grabbed a cloth and a bucket in an effort to clean off
the mess, only to find the swamp thing had absorbed it all by osmosis.
Well, she thought, they had to be good for something. Rei sat down
forlornly by the broken table.
"That was all pretty weird, y'know, everyone losing their thread
like that."
".sguls neeb evah dluoc yeht ,esrow neeb evah dluoc tI" Ami said,
stroking Usagi's hair for a moment.
Rei stared at her for a moment. "What did you say?"
Ami looked up at her. "?tahW ......dias I ....mmU" Ami put her
hand to her mouth. "!sdrawkcab tuo gnimoc era senil ym llA"
"That's what I thought you said....." Rei shook her head. There
were a few pills in the medicine cabinet she'd personally liked to have
been consuming right now.... But in all likelihood, her Grandfather
would have probably got to them first, the geriatric little addict....
"Oh God! Oh God!" Rei and Ami turned to the voice that arrived
from the doorway.
"Ce.... CereCere? What are YOU doing here?" Rei turned and
stood as the asteroid senshi fell to her knees, puffing heavily. "And
anyway, how did you get here? I thought you and the others were...."
Rei raised an eyebrow in confusion. The last time she and the asteroid
senshi had met, the girl had not been entirely in her right mind. Rei
watched her suspiciously.
"Oh god oh god oh god, its horrible...." CereCere clutched her
chest in pain. Rei sighed and walked over to the strange, red-headed
girl and put a hand on her shoulder.
"What is? What's happened?"
"Its too horrible to talk about.... The very sight of it...."
CereCere burst into tears. Rei did her best to comfort her.
"You can tell me.... We're both senshi. Maybe we can help...."
CereCere almost choked on her words. "I've just seen Independence
Day.... Oh God, its so horrible, I don't know if I'll ever recover."
After Rei, Ami and the swamp thing picked themselves up from the
floor, CereCere put a finger in the air, her expression changing to a
rather more positive tone. "Aha, I remember what I'm here for now. Its
even more horrible than that."
"?si tahW" Ami asked.
"Yeah, What is?" Repeated Rei.
"Its ParaPara..... She's forgotten to take her medication this
morning...."
Suddenly, from nowhere, lightning flashed, thunder rumbled, the
earth was torn asunder.... The land was visited upon by tsunamis and
typhoons. There was flood, and famine, and pestilence and death....
Minako spun around. "And on the satellite picture, we have a broad band
of clouds which is currently to the east of Honshu...."
Rei pitched the swamp thing at Minako. "I think the next song in
the Beatles collection is 'Ticket to Ride'. Get on with it, blondie!"
The walk had been a long and silent one. Naru peered aside
occasionally at the new girl. Ayanami's face was a mask of sheer, gut
wrenchingly determined boredom. Eventually, Naru could take no more.
There was something she had to ask her. It was imperitive that she be
asked. Naru grabbed Ayanami's shoulder before they crossed the main
road leading to her house. "Ayanami-san!" Ayanami stared at her in
surprise. "You don't mind if I call you Ayanami-san? It does seem a
little formal. How about just Ayanami?"
"Uh... Fine, fine."
"Yes, Ayanami. A little less formal. I like to get an easy
rapport with people, you know. Formality really gets in the way with
things." Naru breathed a little easier. "Now, Rei, I... You don't
mind if I call you Rei?"
"No... No, everyone calls me Rei."
"Yes. Its so much easier.... Less formal. um, now Aya-chan...."
"I'm sorry..."
"What?"
"I don't like being called 'Aya-chan'."
"Hmm?"
"I don't like being called 'Aya-chan'. Its that simple."
"Did I really call you Aya-chan?"
"Yes you did. It was very demeaning. I don't like it."
For some reason, Naru was feeling annoyed with herself, as if this
whole train of conversation was getting in the way of something....
Suddenly she remembered.
"Who.... Who are you?"
Rei stared at Naru. Naru gritted her teeth. "I'm not going to
start another staring contest. I know you're not supposed to be part of
this scenario. You're an anachronism."
"What do you mean?"
"I mean... I mean..." For a moment, Naru wondered what she
meant. Then suddenly, Naru's face hardened. "I'm the Guardian of the
Universal Reality Protocols."
"Oh? Would you like to read our meter? Its a Keats...."
"My name in Jyoserin Tepukataya."
"Well, I'm very sorry for you."
Jyoserin.... She now remembered who she was.... It had taken a
while to suppress the Naru-personality.... Jyoserin became annoyed with
this Ayanami girl's flat tone.
"Who are you, Ayanami Rei? According to the records stored in the
local computer, you simply do NOT exist in this universe. In several
others, yes, but not in this one."
Jyoserin-Naru moved on Ayanami, who backed into the wall,
frightened by the expression on the other girl's face.
"I dddddon't know wwwwwwhat you mmmean...."
"Oh, I think you do. Of all the aspects within this twisted
scenario, you're the one anachronism to appear.... Now you either tell
me who you really are and what you are doing here, or I'll bring the
wrath of nonexistence down upon you."
Ayanami turned aside for a moment. "Alright.... I'll tell you.
But not here. People can hear us here." Ayanami looked back at
Jyoserin-Naru for a moment, then her eyes fixed on something behind her.
An expression of surprise, mixed in with no expression at all, crossed
her face, forcing Jyoserin to turn. A huge ball of smoke and light had
appeared in the air above the middle of the road, and a figure emerged.
A clown like figure, with red hair and yellow-red clothing.
Jyoserin spun and stood in front of Ayanami as the clown stepped down
onto the road, cackling to himself.
"Well well well, what have we here? Two young girls just brimming
with energy."
Jyoserin gritted her teeth. What the hell else was this reality
breach going to throw up? "Who are you?" She demanded.
"Me?" The clown replied haughtily. "My name is Ronaldite, first
general to Neo Queen Burial. And I am here for your energy...."
And with that, Ronaldite spread out his hands, sending sparks of
electricity, plasma and fire towards Jyoserin and Ayanami....
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Who is Ronaldite? (Umm... isn't that already answered? Not entirely,
but it won't advance the plot any. Just give me a reason to spew
bullshit for several paragraphs in the next chapter....). Will Jyoserin
and Ayanami escape his evil plans? (Of course they do. Be a pretty
short chapter if they didn't). Why are the Senshi behaving like a pack
of stupid, psychotic prats? Is this any different to how they normally
act? Who is the mysterious figure within Jyoserin's base, and what does
she have to do with the Reality Breach?
With any luck, none of these questions shall be answered to any
satisfaction in the next chapter. That'd mean there'd be nothing left
for chapter 3..... Oh well.
PREVIEW OF CHAPTER 2
Jyoserin and Ayanami slowly walked down the darkened time passage.
For some reason, there seemed to be a distinctive pattern to the walls
of the tunnel, like bone. Jyoserin shivered... Even with the worst
nightmares of creation at her disposal, she still felt chill at the
thought of being so close to something that resembled life. Ayanami,
for her part, didn't say anything or look like she felt anything. Well,
that was pretty much par for the course.
"How much farther do we have to go?" Jyoserin stared at Ayanami.
The girl looked aside at her.
"Not far now." She pointed ahead. "You can see the exit."
Surely enough, there appeared a light at the end of the tunnel.
Suddenly, Ayanami grabbed Jyoserin and threw the both of them against
the wall.
"What the fuck?" Was all Jyoserin could get out as a large
freight train went roaring past.... The two of them watched as each
carriage rumbled through with great speed, then relaxed as the last went
through.... "Hmm.... The light at the end of the tunnel WAS the train
coming the other way..." Jyoserin mumbled.
"That was not possible." Ayanami said flatly, now having let go
of Jyoserin and brushing herself down.
"Yes, well, I should have thought that was pretty obvious."
Jyoserin moved about as far from the wall as was possible. The bit she
had been pushed against had a formation that looked suspiciously like a
grinning skull.
"No. I mean look...." Ayanami pointed down the tunnel. There,
in the light of the exit, stood a figure. She looked a tad old to be
wearing the senshi sailorfuku, but in this reality everyone seemed to be
exactly ten years behind in their intellectual development. The woman
had long dark green hair and carried a staff.
"That's Meiou Setsuna...." Jyoserin scratched her head. She went
over the stats of those caught in the reality breach. Meiou Setsuna, a
university student, majoring in History, Classics and Temporal
Philosophy.... And here she was wearing a sailorfuku, carrying a big
stick, standing at the exit of a time tunnel that shouldn't exist that
lead to a future that shouldn't exist....
"Hai. It is her," Ayanami stepped forward towards the oldest of
the senshi, followed at a distance by Jyoserin. As they came within two
metres of Setsuna, she thrust out her staff in a manner that meant for
them to stop.
"It is I, Pluto, Ayanami Rei, messenger of the Small Lady."
Ayanami stared at Setsuna, who seemed to be in the mood for a staring
contest with the unmistakeable champion. Jyoserin wasn't in the mood
for it.
"Stand aside, Meiou! We must speak with the young Tsukino Usagi!"
"None shall pass!" Setsuna's voice was flat, but threatening.
"What?" Jyoserin looked at Ayanami, who looked back at her and
shrugged.
"None shall pass." Setsuna repeated. She took a step forward.
"Look, we don't have any argument with you, alright? This girl
here was sent by the.... uhh... 'Small Lady', to check up on events in
the past. Surely, as the Guardian of the Time Gate, you can understand
the importance of preserving the flow of time?"
"It is my duty to guard the time gate. None shall pass." Setsuna
set them with a steely glare. Jyoserin was getting pretty pissed off
now.
"Then we shall have to force our way through..."
"Then you shall die." Setsuna was suddenly surrounded by a flare
of energy. "Deddo Sukariimo...." From the top of her staff, a huge
ball of energy flew at the two girls. Ayanami put up her hand, and the
energy shattered against an invisible barrier. She then flung her hand
in a cutting manner towards Setsuna. There was a spray of blood as the
energy fields created by the two dissipated.
Setsuna stared at where her left arm used to connect to her
shoulder, and found nothing more than a bleeding stump. She looked up
at the pair defiantly.
"Alright! I'll 'ave you for that!" Setsuna waved the staff at
them with her remaining arm. They ignored her.
"Get out of our way, Pluto." Ayanami pointed at her. "You have
been defeated." Jyoserin looked from Setsuna to Ayanami, trying to hold
onto some semblence of normality.
"No I'm not!"
"Yes you are. I've wounded you."
Setsuna gave the missing arm a cursory glance. "Its just a
fleshwound."
Ayanami's face twisted. "But I've taken your arm off."
"I've had worse."
"You bloody liar."
"C'mon then. Are you chicken or something?" Setsuna began
prodding them with the staff in an attempt to provoke some reaction.
"Chicken... Chicken..." She succeeded, but this time from Jyoserin.
"Oh, I really don't have time for this." Jyoserin whipped up a
large pull-cord from out of thin air. "Petanko puressu", she said as
she pulled the cord. A large 10 ton weight dropped on top of Setsuna.
Ayanami stared at Jyoserin.
"I thought you said it was important that everything is set to
rights?"
"So?"
"Well, it'd be hard to achieve that with Setsuna dead."
"Oh bugger it. I'll just resurrect her later, after all this is
done with."
"I must say, that's a very cavalier attitude to take."
"So sue me."
Jyoserin and Ayanami moved past the weight, trying not to step in
the mess that leaked out from the small space below it.
"By the way..." Jyoserin asked. "What was that you used against
her? you know, to cut off her arm and all..."
"Ah, just an AT Field. They come in handy at times like this."
As the pair exited the tunnel, the weight moved, and a slightly
squished, but rapidly regenerating figure emerged from underneath.
"Ah, I see. Running away are ya? You COWARDS!" Setsuna said,
shaking half a fist at them. She spent the next ten minutes looking for
the other half....
Next Time on
SPINNERS
If you've bothered to read this far, you should see a specialist.
Sailor Python's
FLYING DEAD MOON CIRCUS
by DARK DAY FOR ANIME
Chapter 2 - "The Gathering Storm" or "Unless I'm Very Much Mistaken....
Yes, I'm Very Much Mistaken"
What has gone before....
In an attempt to realign the proper course of reality, the Guardian of
Universal Reality Protocols, Jyoserin Tepukataya, has possessed the body
of Osaka Naru in the hope her presence will not be spotted. However,
even before she has started to influence events, Jyoserin has discovered
a girl who is an anchronism to the universe which she has been
operating, Ayanami Rei. Jyoserin confronts Rei, and demands to know who
she really is, but before Rei can tell her anything, they are attacked
by a mysterious, clown-like figure, who calls himself Ronaldite....
In the centuries following his successful takeover of the Baagakin
Empire, his sacking of the Pizaha'at Republic and his wanton pissling
over of the Khe'Efscie Kingdom, Ronaldite became steadily bored. The
Makdonord Empire had conquered all there was worth fighting in this
universe, and it had all been due to the clown-like Emperor's charisma,
power and cheap meal deals, not to mention the extra fat and sugar used
in his recipes.
He had sat for so long in his castle, playing with the hearts and
minds of his well-dominated subjects through his propaganda campaigns
and advertisements (many found it hard to define which was which), but
it was not enough. The Emperor needed a new challenge, new worlds to
conquer. But there were no more to conquer, and he slowly sank into an
increasing torpor from which he never thought he would escape.
Then one day, whilst in his royal chamber, forcing some of his
subjects to eat a new flavour of sundae, rancid halibut giblets, a woman
appeared before him. A strangely attractive woman with long, wavy red
hair and a dark gleam in her eyes. He was about to suggest that she get
her eyes tested for glaucoma when she spoke.
"Are you Ronaldite, Emperor of the Makdonord?" Ronaldite looked
down at the woman from his raised dais. With one sweep of his hand, his
chamber was emptied of subjects. In their place appeared Ronaldite's
two subordinates, Hanbagura and Gurimasu.
"You dare make demands upon I, woman?"
The woman smiled. "I merely asked if you are the one I seek."
Ronaldite squinted darkly at the woman. Both Hanbagura and
Gurimasu were now standing either side of her, in case she might do
something untoward. Yet there was no sign that the woman was even in
the slightest concerned by their close presence. Such arrogant
confidence, thought the Emperor.
"And what if I am?" Ronaldite asked cautiously. The woman
chuckled.
"I require a man of great power to aid me in my conquest. Are you
such a man?" The woman stared aside at Ronaldite. He rubbed his chin
thoughtfully.
"Hmm.. I am indeed a man of great power. But what is this place
you wish to conquer? I have already succeeded in conquering all the
known worlds."
"Ah, but what of the unknown worlds beyond the borders of this
universe?" This caught Ronaldite's interest.
""Unknown worlds? Beyond this universe?"
"Indeed. There are many universes. This is merely but one,
Emperor Ronaldite." The woman watched as Ronaldite's eyes began to
shine with excitement.
"More worlds to conquer...." He shook with anticipation, then
brought himself back under control as he turned to the woman. "You can
confirm this, of course, Madam.... Uhhhh...."
"You may call me Beryal. But many know me as Queen Burial."
"Burial?" Ronaldite stared at Beryal.
"The fate of my many enemies." Beryal stepped forward, putting
out her hand. "Come, Ronaldite. I shall give you proof of my words."
Before Ronaldite could step down from his dais, Hanbagura took
Beryal by the shoulder and motioned his emperor to stop. "My master,
this may be a trap." Hanbagura turned to look at Beryal, who stared
back at him, smiling beatifically.
"You may bring your subordinates, if you do not trust me, Emperor
Ronaldite." She turned back to Ronaldite, who nodded. Hanbagura let
Beryal go, allowing her to step forward towards his master. Ronaldite
took Beryal's hand, and both they and Ronaldite's two subordinates
disappeared from the chamber.
It was to be several days before they returned. Fortunate,
really, that the jouney was of much satisfaction to Ronaldite, because
the smell of Rancid Halibut Giblet sundaes after being left out of
storage for several days had caused most of the castle's inhabitants to
die of Ecolli 1-11.
In another place, another time, Ronaldite fired beams of energy at
two young girls, standing beside a wall in a Tokyo street, dressed in
sailorfuku.... What happened next wasn't entirely expected.
"DINSDALE!!!" The voice was that of a girl, younger than the two
he had been attacking. And she was carrying what appeared to be a large
can-opener. Ronaldite was bowled over as the young girl flew through
the air after jumping off the nearest tall building, his attacks fizzing
out before the other two girls were struck.
The two girls watched as their saviour continued on her way,
disappearing around a street corner, then turned back to Ronaldite, now
lying flat on the road, unconcious. The first of the girls, who had
medium-length brown hair tied in a ribbon, turned to her light-blue
haired companion.
"What the fuck was THAT about?"
"I dunno. I've never seen the guy before."
Jyoserin was starting to get annoyed. "Now listen here, you
bitch, I want to know just who the hell you are, and who the hell he is.
Neither of you are in the Universal Program!" Jyoserin now had Ayanami
up against the wall, holding her collar violently. Ayanami's expression
was close to non-existent.
"Calm yourself. I shall tell you everything."
Jyoserin lightened her grip, and Ayanami smiled. For a moment,
Jyoserin thouht Ayanami's face was going to fall off under the strain of
the action.
"Everything?" Jyoserin stared at Ayanami darkly.
"Of course. In fact, I could take you to my master. She will
explain evrything to you. If you so wish, of course."
"Your master?" Jyoserin's head began to spin. Just how ingrained
was this reality breach now?
"Indeed. It was she who sent me here to keep a watch over
events."
"And who might this 'master' of yours be?"
"She goes by the name of Tsukino Usagi."
Jyoserin's jaw hit the ground. It required Ayanami's assistance
to reposition it in its rightful place. "Tsukino Usagi???? You don't
mean that girl...."
Ayanami shook her head. "No, not THAT Tsukino Usagi. I'm talking
about her daughter, from the future. The one who is referred to in this
time as Chibiusa."
Jyoserin nodded, understanding now. It didn't make things any
better, however. "The girl who was sent back in time to 'learn' from
her elders...."
Jyoserin rubbed her chin and thought for a few moments.... Time
travel wasn't possible. At least, not in this corner of the universe
for quite a few thousand years. There were other races who had the
ability of time travel in other parts of the universe, and were quite
adept at manipulating the affairs and histories of other people. It was
possible that one of these groups had begun to manipulate the history of
this planet, but their efforts caused the reality breach....
Before Jyoserin could think further about things, she heard a
groaning noise behind her. Both she and Ayanami looked back at
Ronaldite, who was regaining conciousness, lifting himself onto all
fours. Jyoserin turned to Ayanami.
"At once. Take me to your master before that idiot gets up."
Ayanami nodded. Suddenly, a large, open phone box appeared around
the pair of them, and the door rapidly slammed shut, just as Ronaldite
got to his feet. The phone box faded away as he watched, rubbing his
head.
"Are wa TAIHEN!" Ronaldite gritted his teeth. He pulled a valve
open on his thumb and began to blow himself up like a balloon. Slowly,
he floated into the sky. "I must tell Queen Burial of this turn of
events." He then vanished into a cloud of smoke....
Makoto stood alone in her house. Alone. It was beginning to
annoy her. She had charged all the way home after running off in a fit
of pointless pique from the shrine. She didn't even know why she'd done
it. There just seemed to be an enormous anger building up inside her.
She shivered and realized she'd left the door open. Taking a few deep
breaths, she turned and shut the door.
She stood there for several moments, staring at the back of the
door. Alone, she thought. The anger began to build up again, and she
clenched her fists. No, dammit, you can't let it get a hold of you....
It was then that she realized she was digging her fingernails into the
palm of her hands. Blood dripped freely as she opened her hands up and
jumped around the room to various strains and verses of "itaaaiiiiii..."
Eventually, she'd gone to the bathroom to wash her hands off. It
was only there that she realized how fascinating the way the blood ran
with the water down the sink really was....
Rei now sat in her bedroom against her bed. Most of the others
had left after the less-than-successful get together they had planned in
the hope of studying something.... Anything.... But it was not to be.
Usagi was sick after eating a container of snails and subsequently
coating one of her walls with them (cleaned up thanks to the efforts of
a swamp thing that still sat in the corner of her room, staring off into
space). Ami, having had her snail collection consumed in front of her,
had left in a state of extreme depression and aphasia. Rei was a little
concerned about her state of mind, but not a great deal. Everyone's
state of mind seemed to have gone a little astray over the past few
days, and Rei couldn't work out why.
Now Rei's only companion was a girl she didn't entirely know or
trust. CereCere, the asteroid senshi, had at one stage been an enemy of
the planetary senshi when under the control of the Dead Moon Circus.
She and her three companions, JunJun, VesVes and ParaPara, were known
then as the Amazoness Quartet. And all four were quite incurably
insane. What else would one expect from girls whose hairstyles required
a small construction company to maintain?
Now CereCere sat at the recently, and quickly, repaired table,
swivelling her head around in an attempt to relieve the boredom her ten-
second attention span engendered.
"So... So.... What are we going to do?" CereCere asked Rei
abruptly. Rei shrugged.
"What can we do. Unless ParaPara does something stupid, we're not
likely to find her until she returns home. By the way, where is your
home, anyway?"
CereCere smiled knowingly. "Ah, you'd just like to know the
answer to that, wouldn't you, eh? Eh? Eh? Well, I'm not going to tell
you, yes, I'm not. So there, nyah boo."
Rei sighed. "Can you please explain what is going on with
ParaPara again?" Rei leaned her head back against the bed. She was
feeling seriously bored, and the medication she was on to control her
disorder wasn't making her feel particularly good, either.
"Ah, yes. Well. I woke up this morning and was getting ready to
go to school, when VesVes popped her head into my bedroom and asked me
to pick it up. You know what her neck's like, always coming loose and
all. So, after handing her head back to her, I asked her what she
wanted, and she told me that ParaPara had already left for school, which
is most unusual as ParaPara hates school. It requires too much
intelligence and thats not a lot of what ParaPara is made of."
Rei listened quietly and began to wonder what kind of school it
was that would accept four girls like the asteroid senshi. "Go on..."
She said when she realized CereCere had stopped for dramatic effect.
"Well, I then asked VesVes to check if ParaPara had taken her
medication this morning. She has a complex multiple psychotic and
personality disorder, you know..."
"Yes, you have mentioned it in passing...."
"Well, VesVes came back and told me that her pillbox was
untouched. We then stared at each other for several minutes as the
truth of what was going on sank in... And then we freaked. You know
what VesVes looks like when she freaks? Its not pretty, I tell you. It
took JunJun at least three hours to get her head out of the ceiling...."
"And then?"
"And then we raced to school. Late as usual, but then we've never
been early. I mean, who wants to be early, school is there to simply
disseminate disinformation anyway.... Its all a conspiracy, you
see..... Backed by the CIA, MI5 and Mossad. We've been keeping an eye
on them for years, now...."
"So says the girl with the hairstyle like spaghetti
architecture...."
"Well, anyways, when we gets there, she's not there. So we really
freaks out, y'see, cos that means she's gone stark staring bonkers on
her ways there. And ya never know what might happen if she's a gonna
transform herself into Sailorpallas.... She could use her powers to do
anything...."
Rei began to understand CereCere's concerns. "Indeed. But then,
none of the senshi have been in their right minds for a while.... Ami's
gotten all depressed and strange, Usagi's been eating weird things,
Mako-chan keeps losing her thread all the time, having tantrums, and
Minako's off with the birdies.... Well, that last one requires not too
much a stretch of imagination to believe...."
"What about that girl with the big can-opener?" CereCere stared
at Rei as she sat up. Rei sighed.
"I'm not sure what's gotten into her. And it isn't a can-opener,
that's the Silence Glaive. Its considerably more dangerous a weapon
than any other we senshi have in our possession...."
"So why is she running around town with it? Looks likes to me
she's after somethings really bad."
"Yes, indeed. Something called 'Dinsdale'. I wonder what, or
who, this Dinsdale really is."
"I feels kinda sorry for hims, if she's after hims wiv dat big
thing." CereCere sniffed. "Maybes its got something ta do wiv
ParaPara. Her power's got a tendency to go hands in hands wiv her
mental state. Maybes she's affecting everyone else?"
Rei stared at CereCere. "Wh.... What did you say?"
"I said maybe she's affecting everyone else...."
Rei stood quickly. "You may be right. How long has she been
missing?"
"Uh, pretty much all day...."
"Hmm...." Rei rubbed her chin. "I wonder. It doesn't seem long
enough a period of time for her to have affected our states of mind,
yet....."
"Yeah, but its possibles she ain't been takin' er medication for a
while, see? She's pretty irresponsible."
"So why weren't you making sure of it, you stupid cow?"
CereCere looked hurt. "I can't watch over her all the time. Like
the doctor said, we all gotta take responsibility fer our own lives,
see."
Rei sighed. "Well, there's only one way I can think of finding
her...."
CereCere stared at Rei for a few moments. "You're not going to
set fire to the shrine again, are you?"
"Baka."
Jyoserin and Ayanami slowly walked down the darkened time passage.
For some reason, there seemed to be a distinctive pattern to the walls
of the tunnel, like bone. Jyoserin shivered... Even with the worst
nightmares of creation at her disposal, she still felt chill at the
thought of being so close to something that resembled life, yet wasn't.
Ayanami, for her part, didn't say anything or look like she felt
anything. Well, that was pretty much par for the course.
It had been something of a surprise to Jyoserin when the phone
booth slammed shut in her face. One moment she could see Ronaldite
standing outside, staring at them through the windows of the booth, the
next, she was standing at the entrance of what appeared to be a long,
dark tunnel.... Ayanami had beckoned her to follow, and so, here they
were.
"How much farther do we have to go?" Jyoserin stared at Ayanami.
The girl looked aside at her.
"Not far now." She pointed ahead. "You can see the exit."
Surely enough, there appeared a light at the end of the tunnel.
Suddenly, Ayanami grabbed Jyoserin and threw the both of them against
the wall.
"What the fuck?" Was all Jyoserin could get out as a large
freight train went roaring past.... The two of them watched as each
carriage rumbled through with great speed, then relaxed as the last went
through.... "Hmm.... The light at the end of the tunnel WAS the train
coming the other way..." Jyoserin mumbled.
"That was not possible." Ayanami said flatly, now having let go
of Jyoserin and brushing herself down.
"Yes, well, I should have thought that was pretty obvious."
Jyoserin moved about as far from the wall as was possible. The bit she
had been pushed against had a formation that looked suspiciously like a
grinning skull.
"No. I mean look...." Ayanami pointed down the tunnel. There,
in the light of the exit, stood a figure. She looked a tad old to be
wearing the senshi sailorfuku, but in this reality everyone seemed to be
exactly ten years behind in their intellectual development. The woman
had long dark green hair and carried a staff.
"That's Meiou Setsuna...." Jyoserin scratched her head. She went
over the stats of those caught in the reality breach. Meiou Setsuna, a
university student, majoring in History, Classics and Temporal
Philosophy.... And here she was wearing a sailorfuku, carrying a big
stick, standing at the exit of a time tunnel that shouldn't exist that
lead to a future that shouldn't exist....
"Hai. It is her," Ayanami stepped forward towards the oldest of
the senshi, followed at a distance by Jyoserin. As they came within two
metres of Setsuna, she thrust out her staff in a manner that meant for
them to stop.
"It is I, Pluto, Ayanami Rei, messenger of the Small Lady."
Ayanami stared at Setsuna, who seemed to be in the mood for a staring
contest with the unmistakeable champion. Jyoserin wasn't in the mood
for it.
"Stand aside, Meiou! We must speak with the young Tsukino Usagi!"
"None shall pass!" Setsuna's voice was flat, but threatening.
"What?" Jyoserin looked at Ayanami, who looked back at her and
shrugged.
"None shall pass." Setsuna repeated. She took a step forward.
"Look, we don't have any argument with you, alright? This girl
here was sent by the.... uhh... 'Small Lady', to check up on events in
the past. Surely, as the Guardian of the Time Gate, you can understand
the importance of preserving the flow of time?"
"It is my duty to guard the time gate. None shall pass." Setsuna
set them with a steely glare. Jyoserin was getting pretty pissed off
now.
"Then we shall have to force our way through..."
"Then you shall die." Setsuna was suddenly surrounded by a flare
of energy. "Deddo Sukariimo...." From the top of her staff, a huge
ball of energy flew at the two girls. Ayanami put up her hand, and the
energy shattered against an invisible barrier. She then flung her hand
in a cutting manner towards Setsuna. There was a spray of blood as the
energy fields created by the two dissipated.
Setsuna stared at where her left arm used to connect to her
shoulder, and found nothing more than a bleeding stump. She looked up
at the pair defiantly.
"Alright! I'll 'ave you for that!" Setsuna waved the staff at
them with her remaining arm. They ignored her.
"Get out of our way, Pluto." Ayanami pointed at her. "You have
been defeated." Jyoserin looked from Setsuna to Ayanami, trying to hold
onto some semblence of normality.
"No I'm not!"
"Yes you are. I've wounded you."
Setsuna gave the missing arm a cursory glance. "Its just a
fleshwound."
Ayanami's face twisted. "But I've taken your arm off."
"I've had worse."
"You bloody liar."
"C'mon then. Are you chicken or something?" Setsuna began
prodding them with the staff in an attempt to provoke some reaction.
"Chicken... Chicken..." She succeeded, but this time from Jyoserin.
"Oh, I really don't have time for this." Jyoserin whipped up a
large pull-cord from out of thin air. "Petanko puressu", she said as
she pulled the cord. A large 10 ton weight dropped on top of Setsuna.
Ayanami stared at Jyoserin.
"I thought you said, before we entered the tunnel, that it was
important for everything to be set to rights?"
"So?"
Ayanami pointed to the large weight sitting in a pool of blood.
"Well, it'd be hard to achieve that with Setsuna dead."
"Oh bugger it. I'll just resurrect her later, after all this is
done with."
"I must say, that's a very cavalier attitude to take."
"So sue me." Jyoserin sniffed. "Its not every day one gets to
use some of the fringe benefits of the job."
Jyoserin and Ayanami moved past the weight, trying not to step in
the mess that leaked out from the small space below it.
"By the way..." Jyoserin asked. "What was that you used against
her? you know, to cut off her arm and all..."
"Ah, just an AT Field. They come in handy at times like this."
"AT Field?" Jyoserin queried. "Isn't that a soccer stadium in
England?"
"Baaaaka!"
"Now you're sounding like Hoshino Ruri."
"Who's she?"
"Oh, just this girl I know. Has blue hair and says very little."
"....."
"Aww, stop sulking. You know she's just a clone of you,
really...."
"What? You mean another?"
As the pair exited the tunnel, the weight moved, and a slightly
squished, but rapidly regenerating figure emerged from underneath.
"Ah, I see. Running away are ya? You COWARDS!" Setsuna said,
shaking half a fist at them. She spent the next ten minutes looking for
the other half....
Makoto attempted to relax herself by cooking. Well, it always
worked before, but making cookies in the shape of guns, knives and
dismembered bodies didn't seem to smack her as being entirely normal.
This is insane, she thought. What the hell is going on with my
mind? Then she heard her neighbours arguing.
A young couple, recently married, had only moved into the place
next door a matter of weeks ago, and almost immediately were at each
other's throats. Makoto had put up with it all this time but enough was
enough. She decided it was time to put things to rights. She grabbed a
large kitchen knife and stormed out through her front door. After a few
minutes of horrified death screams, she returned with a bloody knife and
blood all over her apron. She stretched, yawning.
"Ah, that feels so much better." She looked down at the mess on
the apron. "Whoops... Better get that cleaned off." She took off the
apron and walked into her small laundry, humming a tune....
Beryal was expecting Ronaldite to return as quickly as he had.
Well, that's what it looked like to him, anyway.
The court of her castle was big, dark and empty. Ronaldite
wondered who she had called in to do the interior decorating as he
floated down from the ceiling, where he had appeared. As he touched the
floor, he returned to his normal size.
"So, Ronaldite.... You return empty-handed." Beryal smiled,
leaning back in her throne. Ronaldite said nothing, merely turning away
from her. "Did we bump into one of our much-industrious enemies, the
Sailor Senshi?"
"I cannot tell." Ronaldite said, eventually. "I was about to
drain two young girls of their energy when I was knocked down by a
third. A young girl carrying what looked to me to be a large can-
opener...."
"Hmmm...." Beryal said silkily.
"Then, when I came to, the other two girls disappeared into what
appeared to be an old phone booth.... It vanished before my eyes...."
Beryal sat up in her throne. "A phone booth?"
"Indeed. It appeared from nowhere and whisked them away."
"Hmm.... I didn't know telecommunication carriers provided that
good a service. They must be paying through the nose for that...."
"Umm, I think one of them used it as a transportation vehicle. It
appeared to be a metaphor for her power....."
Beryal chuckled. "And here I was, thinking of negotiating a new
payment plan. Oh well. So, it appears we have a new kind of enemy."
"What makes you say that."
Beryal shrugged. "This does not appear to be a method of
transportation used by our enemy. Certainly not one I have encountered
before. But then, their powers change every time there is a crisis...."
"Like?"
"Oh... New seasons. Replacement directors. Flagging ratings,
etc etc..."
Ronaldite sniffed contemptuously. He had become somewhat less
impressed by Beryal over the last few months. Although their campaign
had been successful until now, Beryal's treatment of their campaign on
this little fringe world had been a tad circumspect.... He came to a
decision.
"I am going to follow the trail of power left by those two girls,
and find out just who and what they are."
"Why didn't you do that before?"
"I didn't think it necessary at the time. But now, looking
back.... The possibility that these two could represent some other
conspiring force.... It intrigues me..."
"Very well. But please be back by dinner time."
"Hmph." Ronaldite threw up his hand, and a sphere of energy
appeared. "Biggu Makku Transportation!" He shouted, and he disappeared
in a flash. Beryal stood from her throne a stepped forward, rubbing her
chin a moment.
"This should be interesting...." She said as she turned, her
figure transforming into an equally tall, slender woman with pink hair.
Beryal, or the woman who had been Beryal, wandered into the shadows,
laughing to herself.
Rei sat in front of the flame chanting, dressed in the full
regalia of a Miko, watched over by a half-interested CereCere.
"Abura Kadabura Aburamu... Abura Kadabura Aburamu... Abura
Kadabura Aburamu... Abura Kadabura Aburamu... Abura Kadabura
Aburamu... Abura Kadabura Aburamu... Abura Kadabura Aburamu..." Rei's
voice became more insistent as she went along. CereCere picked her
nose. Suddenly, an image appeared in the flame. So powerful, even
CereCere could see it. Rei opened her eyes when she heard the other
girl gasp.
"Thats it. Thats ParaPara for sure." CereCere knelt next to Rei.
"What is she doing?"
The image showed ParaPara, sitting at a park bench, staring up at
the clouds. There were people walking past her, staring at the girl's
hairstyle. ParaPara seemed to be ignoring them.
"At least she's not doing anything untoward at the moment." Rei
sighed. "It'd be a disaster if she was."
"Where is she? What park is that?"
"It looks like that one thats a couple of blocks away, just past
the shopping mall." Rei rubbed her chin and was surprised when she
heard CereCere hiss. "What? What is it?"
"Shopping malls. Very bad."
"Why?"
"They send her loopy. Even on the medication, they send her
loopy."
"Send me pretty loopy as well." Rei stood as the vision slowly
dissipated. CereCere followed her example. "We're going to have to get
over there straight away. She may move in the meantime."
"Maybe we should transform? We'll be able to get there faster as
senshi...."
Rei nodded. The two girls went through their transformation
routine and left the shrine grounds as Mars and Ceres.
Usagi lay on her bed, face forward. Well, she thought, she really
had nobody else to blame for her misfortune. Whatever possessed her to
eat a container of live snails? She shivered at the thought. For some
reason, she began to feel hungry again. Well, that really shouldn't be
a surprise, as she had emptied the contents of her stomach all over
Rei's wall. Rei'll be at her about that for months, she could see it
now.
There was a knock on her bedroom door and she turned and sat up.
"Come in." She waited, but whoever it was was intent on getting her to
answer it. She stepped over and opened the door, and got hit in the
face by a small flour bomb, thrown by her brother, Shingo. He stood at
the end of the corridor, laughing his head off at her distress. Their
mother came up the stairs and took Shingo by the scruff of the neck.
"What are you up to now, you little squirt?" She asked.
"Aww, I was just having fun with Usagi, thass all...."
"You can do it after you finish dinner." She looked up at Usagi.
"And you! Clean your face up. What the hell are you doing putting
flour on your face?" Dragging Shingo, she made her way back down the
stairs.
Neither of them noticed the strange expression Usagi had. All she
could do was stand there and watch them go, muttering to herself about
'dinner'. Then she licked her lips.
Ami sat at the kitchen table in her home. She was alone. As
usual. On the table sat the container that once held her precious
collection of snails. She began to feel exceedingly depressed.
Books no longer seemed to excite her as they used to. She'd read
just about all that had been published in human history, anyway.
Ultimately, she'd come to the conclusion that the entire font of human
knowledge was summed up with the following statement.... "The Butler
did it." And who was she to argue?
She stared at the tray for a very long time. It most certainly
wasn't going away by itself. She ran a hand through her hair and
gritted her teeth. She decided that she was having an attack of
existentialist angst and quickly stood from her chair, clenching her
fists. I've got to do something before I go mad, she thought.
She was still standing there, five minutes later, staring at the
container, only from a higher vantage point. Its no good, she thought,
I'm completely lost, now. I don't have a worthy family life, and my
friends appear to be going about as funny in the head as I am. She ran
her hands over her face as tears came to her eyes. Maybe if I try and
kill myself, she thought, then people will show me more attention.
Maybe. Maybe not.
Ami turned to the medicine cabinet and shivered. What if I
succeed, she thought. Get a lot of attention then, for a very short
period of time. Then its pretty much boredom for a very long time.
Pretty much forever.
She steeled herself and walked over to the cabinet, opening it.
She grabbed the first bottle she found and opened it. It was half-
filled with tiny white tablets. She didn't recognise them.
"Oh stuff it", she said to herself, momentarily forgetting she was
supposed to be aphasic, "Down the hatch." She tipped the contents into
her mouth and swallowed them all. They were bitter to taste, which made
her heave a couple of times, but they all went down. Dramatically, she
slammed the jar down onto the counter, and feigned tragedy.
"Oh woe is me." She said, placing the back of her hand to her
forehead. Then she wiggled her nose and sniffed. For some reason, she
suddenly felt congested. Then her nose blasted mucus, and herself,
around the room like a soda tap. This went on for roughly five minutes,
coating absolutely everything. Eventually she stopped when she grabbed
hold of the table. Her nose let out a couple of final jets, then shut
down for the night. She sniffed, and breathed better than she ever had
in her entire life.
"Aww jeez", she said to herself, "Of all the medicines I should
try and overdose on, I chose a bottle of decogestants...." She rubbed
her nose. "I won't have to blow this thing until I'm fifty."
Makoto stepped out of the laundry, where the sound of the washing
machine in action could be heard. She entered the kitchen and tasted
one of her severed arm cookies. Hmmmm, lipsmacking stuff, she thought.
Suddenly she became angry, and flung the baking tray across the kitchen.
It hit the wall, smashing her freshly made cookies. She stormed out of
the kitchen and into the lounge.
"Dammit, dammit, dammit!" She cried out at the top of her voice.
"What the FUCK is wrong with me?" She stormed around the lounge, almost
jumping out of her skin. She could hear kids playing in the courtyard
outside. She trembled with rage, a short sharp squeal coming to her
throat. "No, please, not that...." She charged into the kitchen where
she grabbed the knife she had used on her neighbours and a meat cleaver.
Then she charged out again towards the front door, where she flung the
meat cleaver into its back. She backed herself against the wall. "I
won't. I won't kill them. Get out of my mind! I know you're trying to
control me. I won't let it happen! Get out of my mind now!" Makoto
flung herself to the opposite wall and began to bang her head. "Please,
stop, I'm not going to do that, pleeeeease."
Crystal Tokyo was one of the more incredible sights Jyoserin had
seen in her universe. Even more incredible was the fact that it
shouldn't even vaguely exist.
Every single building was made from a crystalline substance.
There were huge hanging gardens everywhere. Everyone was smiling, or at
least didn't look miserable. In short, Jyoserin thought, it all looked
like a load of utopian crap.
The time gate exit had lead to a small park in the northern
outskirts of Crystal Tokyo. Whatever the suburbs there had once been,
they were most certainly no longer. Beautifully sculptured edifices,
all of them unique, housed the generally multicultural population.
There were halls of religious worship everywhere, regardless of religion
of denomination. And all of this existing in perfect harmony. It was
scary, to say the least, especially to someone who had gone out of her
way to incite religious intolerance out of sheer boredom.
Ayanami had guided Jyoserin through a couple of the streets and
laneways, as unaffected by her surroundings as she had been in the Tokyo
of the past. Jyoserin wondered what it could be that made someone so
distanced from her experiences. In truth, Jyoserin knew what it was....
But that was a program within another universe. Ayanami Rei was not
meant to exist within this universe. At least, not this version, and
not in these times.
Eventually they arrived at what appeared to be a railway station,
crafted of the finest pink crystal. As soon as they stepped onto the
platform, an empty train carriage arrived.
"Line to Central Palace now arrived. Please keep clear of the
doors. Please keep clear of the doors." A soft, angelic voice wafted
from the p.a. system. The carriage came to a stop, and its doors
opened. Ayanami guided Jyoserin into the carriage and they sat in seats
made of the finest fabric. Beautiful music played over the internal
sound system of the carriage as the doors closed and it started to
move.
Jyoserin turned to the silent Ayanami as she stared out of the
window. "You know I'm here to bring all of this to an end, don't you?"
Ayanami didn't answer. Jyoserin sighed. "All this shouldn't exist, you
know that?"
"Hai."
"And neither should you. You know that?"
"Hai."
"So why are you so meekly taking me to your mistress? Regardless
of my threat, I would have expected a little more resistance on your
part."
Ayanami turned to face Jyoserin, then looked down. "There's no
reason, really. We must all accept out fate. If I cease to exist, then
that is the way it should be."
"Aww shit, don't start pulling a Hideaki Anno on me." Jyoserin
snorted. "I can deal with mindless philosophising, but not when it is
backed by passive acceptance."
"I don't WANT to cease to exist, but I'm afraid you give me no
choice." Ayanami stared hard at Jyoserin. "I LIKE this world. I LIKE
the people in it. I would DIE to defend this future. But can I defend
it against someone who is the controller of the universe?"
Jyoserin was taken aback. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to..."
"I know." Ayanami turned back to the window.
The carriage stopped for a moment, a tree outside the window.
Both Jyoserin and Rei looked at each other for a moment as a voice came
over the speakers.
"This is the Larch. The Larch." The carriage continued.
The rope was well tied to the shower rail as Ami tied the other
end around her neck. She then kicked away the chair. The shower rail
collapsed. She was unconcious for about half an hour after the rail had
brained her one. She was most distressed to find out she had screwed up
killing herself again when she came to.
ParaPara had wandered the streets for hours now. They looked so
pretty to her. She wondered why she'd never noticed their beauty
before. The way they meandered. Their little nooks and crannies. The
people that would walk along them. The tiny little nick-nack shops that
lined them.
As she created several blocks of traffic chaos by simply crossing
the street wherever she felt like it, the buildings began to do a
rendition of "Spanish Flea". Strange, really. She hated that song. Oh
well, each to their own artistic licence.
"Hello." A voice from behind her caught her attention as she
giggled at a shop window display. The little cat statue that was close
to compulsory for such establishments was taking dirty pictures of a
kimono-clad doll. She turned to see a female Elvis impersonator with a
four-piece orchestra behind her.
"Is that you, ParaPara?" The impersonator asked.
"Mmmmaybe. Why do you wear your ribbon like that?"
"It helps to keep the flies away."
"Must be Tuesday."
"About half past three."
"Then we must be off before the shops close."
"Indeed. We are late, we are late, for a very important date."
"Mmmmhmmm, I can smell that food now."
And so ParaPara and the female Elvis Impersonator walked away, arm
in arm, down the street, followed by the four-piece orchestra, which was
doing its best to play Chopin. But it lost.
From a building above, Mars and Ceres watched as ParaPara and
Minako wandered off. "Ano baka!" Mars spat.
"What's wrong?" Ceres inquired.
"Of all the people she HAD to meet up with.... It had to be the
Blond Special!" Mars sniffed and turned to Ceres. "We had better
follow them. It would appear they're feeding off each others'
psychosis."
"But how? I means, is that possible?" Ceres looked confused.
Mars worked this out by counting the large number of little question
marks that surreally appeared over her head.
"I'm not sure. Maybe the problems we've all been experiencing is
due to ParaPara's powers, and her fragile state of mind. She could be
feeding us all, bit by bit, aspects of that psychosis, tempered by
things we're contributing. Our own fears, paranoias and neurosis."
It took several minutes for Mars to rouse Ceres after she suffered
intellectual overload. It didn't appear to Mars that her newfound
companion was much used to such specious concepts like intelligence.
Usagi sat at the kitchen table, eating her dinner. Eating it
alone. The house was very quiet, she thought. It was a nice meal,
although there was a lot of meat in it. Oh well, her mother made a good
meal and that was all that mattered.
It had taken twenty minutes to wash the flour off her face. Some
of it had gotten into her hair as well, so she had to wash that out.
Then it took a further half an hour to.... to.... She couldn't
remember now. Whatever it had been was important, but for some reason
she couldn't remember.
Then the phone rang. Usagi looked around, hoping that someone
would answer it, but nobody did. She sighed. "Why is it that I have to
do everything around here?" She got up and answered the phone.
"Moshi moshi?"
"U.... Usagi-chan..." A choked voice came from the other end.
"Mako-chan? Whats wrong?" Usagi sounded concerned as she heard
Makoto sobbing softly.
"Usagi.... Get stuffed." Makoto hung up. Usagi stared at the
phone for several minutes. What a strange call, she thought. She was
sure Mako was upset. But about what, she couldn't think. Maybe Mako
wanted to apologise for her behaviour at Rei's shrine. Whatever the
case, she failed.
"Get stuffed indeed." She said as she hung up the phone.
Suddenly, the doorbell rang. Usagi, who was about to sit down, growled
impatiently. "Will someone please answer the door?" She called out.
There was no response. Usagi gritted her teeth and marched to the front
door, opening it roughly.
"YES? WHAT DO YOU oh Mamo-chan." Usagi's expression turned sweet
all of a sudden as Mamoru took twenty steps back from the door.
"Um, I could come over later if now's a bad time."
"No no no no, you're always welcome here, Mamo-chan." Usagi
giggled inanely, hand behind her head, large sweat beads running down
the side of her face. Mamoru smiled and stepped forward into the house
as Usagi ripped the sweatbeads off and trampled them into the ground.
"Sorry for the intrusion." Mamoru called out to no-one in
particular, hoping to get some response. There was none, however, as
Usagi closed the door behind
them.
"Is your family out, Usako?" Mamoru turned to her. She shrugged.
"I don't know. Things went pretty quiet about half an hour ago.
I was up in the bathroom, washing out flour that Shingo had dumped in my
hair." She sniffed. "When I came down, everything was quiet as a
mouse, with dinner laid out on the table for me. I just thought they
were elsewhere in the house. Maybe they did go out...."
"Oh well...." Mamoru shrugged. "I hope they don't think we're up
to anything untoward with me in here whilst they're out."
Usagi giggled. "Mamo-chan no ecchi...." He went red in the face.
Then he remembered the box he had been carrying under his arm.
"Ah, now I remember. I came over to give you this." He handed
her the box. She took it and looked at the label.
"Chocolates. Oh Mamo-chan, you shouldn't have...."
"Well, its coming up to our third anniversary. You know, of when
we first met each other. So I thought it may be worth a little
something."
"Mamo-chan...." Usagi hugged Mamoru, which made him smile with a
little embarassment. He placed his arms around her, gently, until they
eventually let go and continued on their way down the main passageway.
Mamoru sniffed the air. "Hmm.... Dinner smells good. What is
it?" Usagi smiled.
"Oh, just a little some I whipped up from my mother, I mean Mom
whipped up. The usual."
"Hmmm. Can I have some?"
"Sure, I'll see if there's any left over. Sit down for a bit,
will you?" Usagi pointed to the lounge. Mamoru obliged as Usagi
continued on into the kitchen. He found himself a lounge chair and sat
back in it, feeling a little uncomfortable as something had been jammed
between the seat cushion and the side of the chair. He found the remote
control and turned on the tv, and was absent-mindedly switching channels
with one hand as he reached down for the object with the other. It felt
a little strange, like a damp cloth. He pulled his hand away and was
shocked to see his fingers covered in blood. He stared at the blood for
a few moments, then looked down at the gap in the seat. Gently, he
pulled out what appeared to be a blood-covered shirt. A small shirt,
about the same size as Shingo's.
He held the shirt out in front of his face for a moment, frozen,
not believing what it was that he'd found. Slowly, he stood, dropping
the remote control, and wandered over towards the door leading to the
kitchen area. On the vinyl floor of the hallway between the lounge and
the kitchen were streaks of blood. Slowly, he began pacing down the
hallway. To his left, the partially open door that lead to the laundry
was open. There were bloodstains on the door. Gently, he pushed it
open, and fell back against the opposite wall.
The bodies of the Tsukinos were piled, partially hatcheted and cut
up, in the middle of the floor, their blood still running down the
overflow drain. Mamoru put a hand to his mouth, more to stop himself
puking than anything else.
"U.... U.... Usak...." he began to stutter.
"Hmm? What is it, Mamo-chan?" Came her response from the kitchen
as she ladled some of her mother's soup into a bowl.
"Usako.... I think.... you should... come here... for a
moment."
Usagi sighed and put the bowl on the kitchen table. "What is it?
What?" She trotted out to where Mamoru was standing, pale as a ghost.
She looked at him concernedly. "Mamo-chan? Is there something wrong?
You look ill...."
Mamoru pointed towards the laundry, and Usagi turned.
It took roughly sixty seconds of silence before Usagi fell to the
floor.
Mamoru leaned down to her and found she'd fainted clean away. He
picked her up and carried her as far as the lounge when the phone began
to ring. He suddenly felt confused as to what to do next, and placed
Usagi in the seat he'd vacated. He then made his way back into the
kitchen and answered the phone.
"M... M... Moshi....
"CHIIIIIIIIIIBA MAMORUUUUUUU....." The voice sounded somewhat
demented. But it was clearly Makoto's.
"Ma.... Mako-chan?"
"Chiba Mamoru. You BASTARD!"
"Wh... What have I...?"
"You BASTARD! You remind me of my long lost senpai, you piece of
SHIT!" She growled. "You just WAIT. I'm coming for you, CHIBA, and
I'm gonna KILL you, you PIECE OF SHIT."
Mamoru was beside himself. "What the BLOODY HELL has got into
YOU? I've just found Usagi's family, all dead. Someone killed them."
Then a thought occurred to him. "Did you do it, Kino-san? Did you kill
them?"
Makoto's voice suddenly went panicky. "No.... No.... I didn't.
Oh GOD. What happened? Is Usagi alright? Oh GOD, Mamoru, you've got
to help me. Something's happening to my mind... To all our minds, and
its getting worse, getting out of control YOU BASTARD, PIECE OF SCUM
SUCKING SHIT oh I'm sorry, Mamoru, I didn't mean to say that BULLSHIT I
DIDN'T, don't worry, I'm coming round, if you need any help, I'll be
there AND I'M GONNA CUT YOU INTO PIECES AND FINGER YOUR ENTRAILS seeya
then, bye." Makoto hung up.
Well, Mamoru thought, at least she sounds altogether today.
"M... Mamo-chan..." Mamoru turned to see Usagi wander dazedly
into the kitchen. "They're all dead... Mom, Dad and Shingo....
They're all dead. They're all...." Mamoru caught Usagi as she
collapsed and held her as she sobbed.
Usagi licked her lips.
Ami sat in the bath of water and held the hair-dryer high in the
air.
"Two, four, six, eight, bog in, don't wait."
She dropped the hair-dryer into the bath.
The electrical safety switch went into action.
About the most Ami got out of this little exercise was an amazing
new hairstyle. She then tried to drown herself after cursing her bad
luck for several minutes, holding herself underwater. She then
remembered that she was a senshi with water powers, due to the fact that
she found herself breathing underwater.
Slowly she raised herself from the bath, dripping wet. She stood
in the middle of the bathroom, a miserable, pathetic, damp creature, and
wondered what next could go wrong.
She stepped on an errant bar of soap, and spent the next half an
hour lying on her back, seeing stars.
The carriage passed through some of the finest real estate Crystal
Tokyo had to offer. As they moved further and further into the city,
the buildings became more intricate, more elaborate, and more
individual. Whatever this crystalline substance was that the buildings
were made of, it had certainly given the architects more than a free
hand.
They flew through stations lined with people who didn't bat an
eyelid that the carriage did not stop for them. This was one heck of an
express route, Jyoserin thought.
Eventually, the carriage entered an underground section, and began
to slow. Jyoserin stared at Ayanami, who appeared unconcerned. The
carriage pulled up at a station, a rather officious looking one at that.
There were senshi galore, lined up in military fashion, standing
alongside the platform. Behind them, Jyoserin could see an office. As
the carriage came to a stop, the door slid open, and there was silence.
Total silence. The senshi didn't move, didn't bat an eyelid. Neither
did Ayanami. In her case, Jyoserin could forgive.
"What's happening?" Jyoserin had become impatient.
"Shh." Rei cut her to the quick. "This is where we must meet
with the Grand Marshal of the Palace Guard." Jyoserin stared at her
blankly.
"The what?"
"Shh... Here she comes."
True to her word, the senshi lining the platform parted like the
waters of the red sea, and Jyoserin felt her throat constrict. Here was
trouble coming.
From the office came the Grand Marshal of the Palace Guard, decked
out in full senshi regalia, only more elaborate and ornate.
Osaka Naru.
Yes, Jyoserin thought to herself, you have great taste in who you
possess.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Is Jyoserin in for it now? Is Makoto a psychotic serial killer?
Is Usagi a raving cannibal? Will Rei and CereCere stop Minako and
ParaPara from doing anything likely to level a small city? Will Ami
ever succeed in killing herself? Will Ronaldite break into Crystal
Tokyo?
Yes. Yes. Yes. No. No. Yes. In that order. You'll just have
to read how in the next exciting (hyperbole) chapter of SPINNERS -
Sailor Python's Flying Dead Moon Circus. Where the buffalo roam, and
the bodycount rises.
PREVIEW OF CHAPTER 3
Jyoserin found herself being bundled into the Court Chamber.
Sitting atop the judge's dais was Mars. Older, more grizzled.... She'd
aged a lot faster than Jyoserin had expected her to, considering most of
the senshi were supposed to have their aging processes brought back to
near zero. Whatever it was that had happened to Mars during her life,
it was extremely crappy.
"So, you are the one they call Jyoserin Tepukataya?" There was a
lot of spit emanating from Mars's mouth as she said that. Jyoserin and
her two guards did their best to avoid it.
"Umm, yeah, you could say that."
"And you admit to, wilfully, and with malice aforethought,
possessing the body of the young Osaka Naru, for purposes criminal?"
"No."
"Oh. Alright then. You're free to go."
Jyoserin and her two guards stared at Mars with their mouths on
the floor. It seemed that they had learnt a lesson or two from her in
their short time together, Jyoserin thought.
After several moments of readjusting their jaws, another old
senshi entered the Court Chamber. "May I approach the bench?" Said
Venus, standing regally in her orange and gold cloak. She hadn't aged
that much better than Mars, Jyoserin thought,
Mars nodded her agreement and Venus stepped up towards the dais.
She then addressed Mars formally. "I have been chosen by the good Queen
Serenity to act as the Prosecutor in this case,"
"Well you're too bloody late. I've already let her off." Mars
poked her tongue out at Venus. Venus fumed.
"Ya can't do that without there being a proper bloody trial,
dickhead."
"Yes I can, this is MY court."
"May I remind you of Rule 233, subsection C of the Holy Lawbook of
Crystal Tokyo?" Venus sneered smugly at Mars. Mars huffed.
"Alright, alright. Have it ya own way then. Spoilsport."
Venus spun extravigantly and waved a hand in Jyoserin's direction.
"According to the testimony of Agent AR107, Codename Ayanami Rei,
you possessed the body of Osaka Naru with the intention of corrupting
the timelines in the hope of preventing the existence of Crystal Tokyo.
Is this not true?"
"Yes."
"And in the process of your actions, you threatened the said
officer with... ahem... 'non-existence'... if she did not comply with
your stated desire to be brought to Crystal Tokyo to meet with the Small
Lady Serenity?"
"No."
"No?"
"No, that came after. I only threatened her with non-existence
when she wouldn't tell me who she was and what she was doing in Tokyo
during the last decade of the 20th century. She was an anachronism, you
see."
"She's got you there, Venus." Mars chuckled.
"Oh shutup." Venus hit back. She continued. "But, you admit to
threatening her with non-existence..."
"Oh that, yes, of course I do."
"Ah, that makes things easier, then."
"Can I go now?" Jyoserin stared at Venus for a second. Venus
cleared her throat and wagged a finger.
"Now now, don't be impatient. We've got quite a few questions to
ask you yet. Like, what is a GURP? What is your real name? What is
your intention in trying to stop the existence of Crystal Tokyo?"
"Jeez, I wasn't expecting the Spanish Inquisition."
"AHA, NOBODY EXPECTS THE SPANISH INQUISITION!" Jyoserin, Venus,
Mars and the two guards turned as three figures bounded into the
courtroom, all dressed in religious garb. The first was a bishounen
type with hair of a dark greenish tinge and the mark of the oni on his
forehead. The second was a light-blue haired man, wearing a smiley mask
and a pilot's cap with goggles on his forehead. The third was a
redheaded firebrand with fangs that stuck well out of his mouth,
carrying a metallic fan.
"Aha!" Said the leader. "Surprised you, eh? Yes indeed, our
weapons are surprise, fear... and.... um... Oh bugger, I forgot."
"Why don't we try that again no daa?" Said the smiley one.
"Can I use the fan this time. I wanna really burn something."
Said the fanged one. The leader sighed.
"Alright, alright, lets try again." And with that, they exited
the Court Chamber....
Next time on
SPINNERS
If you've bothered to read this far, you're a sick individual.
^_^
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