Just one of those ridiculous ideas I got while in school. A spoof of
Sailor Moon; owned by Naoko Takeuchi. It's more than just a simple 'what
if all the senshi were males' fic. All characters in this fic are
original. I know I had fun writing this....



BISHONEN SENSHI

A ridiculous spoof-parody by Sining <shihlin@pacific.net.sg>

 "Wake up!!"

 "Huh, wassup?" Xiong yawned, rubbing his eyes.

 "You'll be late for school!" his mother yelled as she started doing her
best imitation of Souns Demon-head.

 "Oh," he said, blinking as he looked up at his mother. "Is that all??"

 Needless to say, his mother really exploded at that remark. "Is that
all!?!? Is that ALL!!?" she yelled as she whipped out an old cane from
nowhere and started trying to hit her son. Who was already running away,
it was amazing what adrenaline could do for your system.

 ------

 Yan Mei was walking past a tree, when suddenly she could have sworn
there was a insistant  hissing coming from the leaves in the tree.
Pausing, she stopped to regard the leaves in the tree with a look of
curiousity on her face.

 "Psst!!" came a persistant whispering from the tree. Within moments, a
face jutted out from  the cover of the leaves.  "Has she calmed down
yet??" Xiong asked.

 Yan Mei sighed as she looked back up at Xiong. "She went back in a long
time ago, your father was trying to calm her down too,"  she said,
craning her head up.

 "Finally, I was beginning to think she'd never give up," Xiong said as
he dropped back down onto the ground. "Damn! I won't have time to eat
breakfast!" Xiong said as he looked at his ever-present watch.

 Yan Mei sighed again.

 -------

 "Mister Ying! Maybe you'd like to tell me why you're late??" the
teacher said, crossing her arms in front of her in a posture that
screamed 'don't mess with me'.

 "Ah....Um...." Xiong said as he chewed his upper lip anxiously, trying
to think of an excuse.

 "I thought so, go stand outside in the hall young man!"

 ------

 "Yes!! Finally, school's over!" Xiong cheered as the rest of the
students looked at him. It was more customary to do that when the
teacher had stepped out of the class after all. The teacher looked on
with a big sweatdrop.

 "Hey, Xiong?" Norman called out from the opposite of the class as soon
as the teacher left.

 "Yeah?"

 "You want to drop by Takashimaya with the rest of us?" Norman said, as
he pointed back to a bunch of guys behind him.

 "I'd like to but I don't think my mother'd let me," Xiong said as he
started packing his bag.

 "Ahhh, what harm can it do to disobey your mother for once?" Norman
said, shrugging. "Besides, there'll _be_ girls going too!"

 "Obviously you never met my mother," Xiong deadpanned. "I'm not about
to throw away my the rest of my life just to meet some _girls_."

 "It's not that serious! You're exaggerating, one meeting with girls
won't waste your whole life," Norman said, exasperated.

 "I'm not talking about the meeting, I'm talking about what my mother
would _DO_ to me if she found out I disobeyed her just to meet some
girls," Xiong said as he slung his back pack over his shoulder and
started to walk out the door. "Anyway, I wish you luck."

 "Like I need it!" came the reply.

 -----

 Xiong was in his room, studying.... or at least that was what his
mother believed. In reality, he was lounging back in his chair as he
enjoyed the sweet air-con and the music that was blaring on his radio
even as he surfed the net.

 "Ahhh, this is the life," he sighed, closing his eyes as he relaxed.

 "Xiong!!" a voice blared out suddenly. Almost instinctively, he
switched off his computer monitor and summoned his textbook onto the
table.

 Turning his head from side to side, he tried to catch a sign of his
mom.

 "No no, down here!"

 He looked down, only to see a small, light-brown rat perched on top of
his table, looking up at him with inquisitive eyes.

 Then he saw it's mouth opening and the words that soon followed. "I
need your help."

 *CRASH!!*

 Xiong had fallen off his chair in surprise as he heard the rat speak.
"I knew it," he muttered to himself. I've finally cracked up! I've
studied too much and I've finally lost it, I'm hearing a talking rat!"

 "Actually, I'm a gerbil," the creature said as it hopped down from the
table and onto the floor besides Xiong. "But that's not important, I
need your help."

 "Great,a talking gerbil is asking for my help. Why not? I mean, what's
the worst that could happen??" Xiong muttered to himself. "So, what do
you want Mr. Gerbil?"

 "My name's Rezi," the gerbil said before it suddenly produced a card
out of nowhere and flicked it towards him. " There's a monster
terrorising Takashimaya, I need you to stop it."

 "Takashimaya?! That's where Norman and the rest went!" Xiong said as he
picked up the card, which looked remarkably like a Magic:The Gathering
card except it wasn't made of paper but some harder and thicker
substance and that it had no words, only one large picture on the front.

 "Just hold the card in the air and yell 'Ki power _TRANSFORM_'." Rezi
said, twitching his nose slightly as he did so.

 Xiong shrugged, not seeing the harm in indulging the little ra--gerbil.

 "KI POWER _TRANSFORM_!"

 --------

 The monster smiled to itself. These teenage boys were really too
gullible, all she had to do was beautify herself and wear some rather
revealing clothes and they were all falling over here. Little did they
know she was sucking their life energy one by one.

 Ah, guys and hormones. What a wonderful concept she thought to herself
as she fluttered her eyelashes and caused several of the guys to swoon.

 "Halt!"

 The monster and her admirers turned towards the source of the voice.
Only to see an _incredibly_ handsome male dressed in what seemed to be
some sort of light armour, with several gadgets on his suit.

 Almost immediately, the girls who had been previously frowning at the
monster were in turn, swooning themselves.

 "I am the handsome warrior Knight of Ki! How dare you--" Xiong turned
aside to Rezi, grimacing as he did so. "Do I have to finish the rest of
this speech??" he whispered, pointing to a small piece of paper he held
in his hand.

 "Yes!" came the adamant reply.

 "Fine. How dare you manipulate these weak-willed boys through their
hormones," --under his breath "-- although why they're attracted to you
I don't know."

 The monster frowned before shrugging. She pursed her lips seductively
and blew a kiss towards Ki Knight.

 Nothing happened. He stood there impassively.

 Finally, she crossed her legs and assumed what she thought was a
come-hither pose. Again, nothing happened and she wondering why
something that had worked so well with the rest of the boys didn't seem
to affect this one at all.

 "Is that supposed to affect me?" Xiong whispered to Rezi, as he pointed
towards the monster.

 "Uh...I think so," Rezi said as a large sweat-drop apeared on his head.

 Finally the monster gave up on bewitching the stranger. "Get him," she
said idly as she leaned back in her seat and started polishing her
nails. Almost immediately, the whole of the teenage male population
turned as one to stare at Ki-Knight with a malicious gaze.

 "Uh...guys?? I'm trying to save you here you know," Xiong tried to
plead his case but it didn't work. The wall of males kept advancing as
one towards him.

 Seeing there was no reasoning with them, he took the only road left to
him. He started running away even as they gave chase.

 ----20 minutes---

 Suddenly, the emergency exit door slammed open with a loud *BANG*. The
monster turned her gaze only to see a heavily-perspiring and panting
Ki-Knight standing in the door way, or more correctly trying to stand in
the doorway.

 "*Pant pant* Heh, finally managed to out run them all! I knew taking
those extra gym classes would pay off! *pant pant* Now, I shall defeat
you in the name of Justice and Honour!" Xiong said as he tried to strike
what he assumed was a heroic pose. He held it for a second before
slumping forward, supporting himself on his knees. "Just...give me a
second or two...to catch my breath."

 "I don't think so," the monster said as she started to raised her right
hand and the nails on it started growing with amazing speed. "Prepare to
die!"

 She would have struck if a rose hadn't suddenly whizzed past them,
stopping the monsters advance. As one, the two opponents turned up to
see who had thrown the rose.

 What they saw surprised them both. It was a woman dressed in a sailor
fuku with a mask covering part of her face. "Stop! I am Sailor Kamen!
And in the name of justice and love I shall punish you for stealing the
hearts of these pure boys!"

 "Pure!? Are you kidding?? I go to school with some of them!" Xiong
retorted before he could stop himself.

 "......." Sailor Kamen sweat-dropped. "Remember brave Knight of Ki,
your emotions are your strength!" And with that, she seemed to vanish.

 "Huh??" Xiong asked as he tried to figure out what that mean. It would
have helped his concentration though if the monster hadn't started
swiping at him with her claws.

 "Will ya cut that out!? I'm trying to think here!!" Xiong yelled as he
tried to consider what the strange Sailor Kamen had meant.
Unfortunately, that meant he wasn't paying attention to where he was
going. Due to that, while backing away from the monster's claws, he
accidentally tripped over a dustbin.

 Xiong watched the monsters claws come down towards him in horrified
fascination. "Aaaaah!!" he screamed as he threw himself to the side.
Causing the monster's claws to barely miss him by a few centimetres.

 "Look, can't we talk this over like civilised beings or something??"
Xiong said as he backed away frantically from the monster, noting with
dread the long scratches the monster's claws had made in the marble
floor.

 "No! You interfered with my mission to collect energy! For that you
shall die!" the monster screamed.

 "You want energy? We have these wonderful little gadgets called
batteries...."

 "Mock me will you!!" the monster roared as she swiped at him with her
wolverine-lengthed claws.

  "Yikes!! You could seriously hurt someone with that!"Xiong said as he
ducked and dodged frantically. Finally he found himself being backed
down a dead-end.

 "Now, prepare to die!!"

 "Will you quit saying that!!" Xiong yelled as he lost his patience with
the monster. This wasn't turning out to be as fun as he thought it would
be, and it was kinda scary the way the monster seemed fixated on killing
him.

 With that yell, a sudden grew glow surrounded the gadget on his hand
only to be followed by a burst of energy which knocked the monster back
and injured it, although it didn't kill it off.

 "Wow," Xiong said in awe as he looked at his right hand. The monster
stood up stiffly and regarded him with wary eyes.

 "Let's try that again!" Xiong said as he stuck out his right hand
again. Nothing happened, not even a peep of energy. "Hmm...Okay, again!"

 "Again!"

 "Again!!"

 "Aaargh!" he screamed in frustration as he started conking the device
on the wall. Males law of fixing stuff number 1; <If something doesn't
work, just kick or hit it. You're bound to get lucky>. "Damn thing must
be spoilt or something!!"

 It was then he noticed that the monster was currently advancing towards
him, with a very very unpleasant grin on her face.

 "Uh oh" were the two words which came to mind. Xiong slowly started
backing up, until he felt the solid concrete wall hit his back.

 As the monster raised it's arms, Xiong raised both of his above his
head as he waited for the blow to come.

 Suddenly, a green glow once again surrounded his right hand. But this
time, instead of shooting out any energy blasts, something in the center
of the gadget slid open until it resembled an eye. Arcs of energy shot
from it, englufing the monster who began to struggling to escape, before
slowly disappearing from view.

 "Cool!" Xiong said as he regarded the gadget on his right hand with
renewed interest.

 "I knew you could do it!" Rezi said, appearing from nowhere to perch on
Xiong's shoulder.

 "Then where were you the whole battle?" Xiong said flatly before
picking up the gerbil and punting him off into outer space.

 ---Later---

 Xiong came home only to find his younger brother sitting in front of
the television, intently gazing at something.

 "Hey, what are you watching?" Xiong asked as he plopped down on the
sofa behind his brother.

 "It's a news feature about this really cool super hero which showed up
in Takashimaya today and fought off a monster!! He's called Ki-Knight
and he has these really cool powers!! I wanna be like him when I grow
up!" his younger brother, Jun, gushed incessantly as he pointed
excitedly at a small figure on the television screen.

 "Why don't you just be like me??" Xiong said, grinning.

 "You? No way, you're a loser," Jun said.

 "What!? How can you call your older brother a loser!!"

 "XIONG!! WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN FOR THE LAST HOUR!!" his mother roared as
she appeared into view, demon head blazing with anger.

 "Eep!" Xiong said before running away from the dreaded she-demon.

 ---Next day---

 "So, Mr. Ying, mind telling me why you didn't do your homework??"

 "Uh....I was saving hormone-stricken boys from a monster??" Xiong
attempted feebly.

 "Nice try! Go stay outside in the hall!!"

End

Authors Notes: Right, this story would be set in Singapore, since I live
in Singapore. Those who know chinese should know what Ying Xiong means.
Xiong's chinese so his surname(Ying) comes before his given name(Xiong).
As for his age, he's 14 and so far he hasn't been hit too hard by
hormones yet.