I just thought of this today and decided to send it in for the heck of it.
I guess it doesn't really have a point but it was fun, and a nice change from
working on my main (and first) story, which I'm purposely going slow on due to
my limited knowledge of Ranma canon. I couldn't think of a good name so I just
slapped on a stupid one. Even though it's such a short story I have to name it
or I feel like it's not finished. :)




Ranma 1/2 and all it's colorful cast are property of Rumiko Takahashi. This
story is purely for entertainment and is in no way intended for profit.
   

Round and Round

by Algerhorn the inadequate


   Gil Natz, of Central Fiction Maintenance and Control, looked up from his
work as the intercom buzzed. Laying the large stack of papers he'd been
looking over to the side, he pressed the button on the speaker.

   "Yes?"

   "Someone to see you Mr. Natz" his secretary's voice informed him.

   "Another one" he mumbled to himself. "God, if this is anything like the
last one..."
   
   It never seemed to end. How Jim put up with this day after day, he had no
idea. He understood that handling complaints, especialy in this particular
division of CFMAC, entitled one to a vacation now and then, but why he was
always the one stuck filling in was still a complete mystery. He wasn't cut
out for this sort of work. Jim Talon, besides being rather commanding in
appearance, could also stand up for himself. Even the Saiyajins would think
twice before crossing him. It was rumored that he could reproduce their most
powerful attacks with very little effort. Natz, on the other hand, was a toad
of a man. His appearance was more likely to cause either disgust or a quiet
laugh. He was short and pudgy, with a bulbous nose, small bald head, large
fleshy hands, and had a tendancy to snuffle. He was never seen in anything
other than a dark gray suit and burgandy tie, and he always wore a pair of
silver spectacles perched on his nose. He was not versed in any form of
martial arts, not even any of the bizzare schools of the Ranmaverse (they
seemed to have a martial arts form for everything over there), and he could
focus chi about as well as a head of lettuce. No, he was definately not cut
out for this sort of work at all. Wherever Jim was, he'd better not stay gone
too long.

   "Who is it Alice?" he asked, trying not to sound nervous. "I'm rather busy
at the moment."

   "Ranma Saotome sir. He doesn't seem to be in a waiting mood..."

   Ranma. Oh joy. This would be about as much fun as a barrel of scorpions.

   "Send him in Alice" Natz said with a sigh.

   Releasing the button, Natz sat up in his chair, straightened his tie, and
tried his best to put on an air of authority. He doubted it would do much
good, but cowering wouldn't help either and at least this way he had a small
chance of keeping some of his dignity.

   The door of his office opened and Ranma entered, dressed in his usual red
silk shirt and black pants. He looked considerably less than happy.

   "You in charge here?" he asked, approaching the desk and glaring down at
Natz.

   "I'm in charge of handling complaints at the moment, yes. What can I do for
you?"

   "I'm sick of this" Ranma answered, his face locked in a scowl. "I want an
end."

   "I'm afraid you'll have to be more specific Mr. Saotome. What exactly do
you want an end to?"

   "You know what I'm talkin' about! This whole business with my life! I aint
never had more than a few moments of peace! First there was the manga, then
the show, and now the stories! It never ends! Do you know how many lives I've
lived? I've been brainchanged, brainwashed, possessed, made into a psychopath,
split in half, stuck in my cursed form, gotten stuck with *other* cursed
forms, murdered, brought back from the dead, murdered again, and I've been
married to most of the people I know at one time or another! When's it end,
huh?"

   Natz began to sweat. This wasn't good at all. Ranma was really worked up.
He'd probably just gotten back from another fic. Another forced life. Most
likely, he'd ended up stuck in his cursed form again, or married to someone
really horrible. So what was he supposed to say?

   "Well... Not all of the stories are that bad. There are the WAFFs, and I'm
certain not all of the others are so chaotic..."

   "The WAFFs are over in less than a second, and even in the ones that aint
crazy there's always some kinda problem. And they don't last either! It don't
matter if it's a happy ending, or a sad one, or whatever! Nothin' lasts!"

   "Please Mr. Saotome, try to calm down. You're not alone you know. There are
a lot of others in the exact same boat that you're in. How do you think the
Senshi feel? Be thankful you're not locked in a neverending battle against
evil forces from another universe."

   "Hey, I've done my fair share of saving the world from demons. Those girls
aint got it so bad. And anyway, people are always a lot nicer to them than
they are to me."

   "Well, I don't know about that. They've had it pretty rough at times. I
could pull up some of the files..."

   "I don't wanna see any files!" Ranma yelled. "I wanna know when I get to
pick a life and keep it!"

   "Mr. Saotome, you are a popular character. I keep the events of manga
volumes, anime episodes, and fanfics in order, but I can do nothing to change
them or stop people from creating them."

   "Don't I have the right to some peace of mind?"

   Natz fidgeted a bit and avoided Ranma's eyes as he tried to think of the
best way to phrase his answer. Damn, there *wasn't* a best way. There wasn't
even a good way.

   "Actualy Ranma... No, you don't."

   Ranma blinked and stared stupidly at the little man for a few moments
before shaking his head slowly.

   "What d'ya mean, no I don't?"

   "Mr. Saotome, you are an anime character. You were created for certain
purposes and you exist to fulfill those purposes. What you're asking is if you
have the right to ignore your reason for being and the answer is, no. You have
no such right."

   "What the heck does that mean? Ranma growled. What's my reason for being
got to do with whether or not I get to settle down, marry someone for good,
and have a few kids that don't dissapear when an author decides to end a
story?"

   "You exist for the purpose of entertainment Mr. Saotome. You're no
different from the multitude of other fictional characters that have been
created throughout history. Until people completely stop creating new
situations to put you in, you will continue to live as you have up to this
point."

   "And when that happens? When there aint any more stories? What then?"

   "Well, ah... Um..."

   Ranma glowered at him and Natz hurriedly continued.

   "Well, I can't speak from experience. Since I've come to work for CFMAC,
I've only worked in the cartoons department and I've only been with the anime
division for about seven years. As far as I know, no cartoon characters,
Japanese or otherwise, have completely ceased to exist. Even the very oldest
ones are still around in some form. Someone in the literature department might
know. The list of characters there is far more extensive and I'm sure some of
them have been forgotten over the years, but..."

   "Spit it out already! What happens when the stories stop? Do I finaly get
some peace?"

   "Um... Technicaly, yes."

   "What d'ya mean technicaly? Just tell me, I aint got all day."

   "Well as I said, I can't speak from experience, but theoreticaly you
would... uh..."

   Natz licked his lips and dabbed at his forehead with a handkerchief. He was
quickly losing his composure. He couldn't tell Ranma what he wanted to hear,
but so far the boy hadn't asked any questions that he was not obligated to
answer. He desperately wished that there were a way to get rid of him."

   "I would what?"

   "Um... Cease to exist." Natz squeaked.

   "WHAT?!" Ranma yelled. Lunging forward and grabbing the little man by the
front of his shirt, he lifted him up and stared straight into his pudgy face.

   "N... now M... Mr. Saotome, I don't make the rules."

   "Then who does?!"

   "H... How should I know? I d... don't know who w... writes the laws of the
multiverse, I just make sure all of them are in order and properly filed!"

   "Listen" Ranma growled. "I don't know who I have to see or what I have to
do but I want a break, and I want it *without* fadin' away. I'm filin' a
formal complaint and I want it heard. You got that?"

   "B... But Mr. Saotome, you can't do that! It won't do any good! I don't
have anyone to send a complaint like that to!"

   "Find somebody! I'm sick and tired of..."

   Suddenly there was a beep from the intercom.

   "Ah... M... Mr. Saotome, could you put me down please? I need to answer
that."

   Still scowling, Ranma slowly set Natz back down in his chair. The man let
out a relieved breath and dabbed at his forehead with his handkerchief again
before pressing the button.

   "Yes Alice, what is it?" he asked, his voice still a bit shaky.

   "Someone's here for Ranma sir. I told her that you were busy with him but
she insisted."

   "Quite alright. Send her in please."

   The office door opened again and an attractive girl with long purple hair,
and dressed in a flowered chinese outfit, entered the room. To anyone who knew
her, she would have looked uncharacteristicaly subdued.

   "Ranma" she said. "Time to go."

   "Shampoo?" Ranma said, his eyes losing some of their anger as he turned to
face her. "I aint done here yet..."

   Shampoo shook her head.

   "Have to go now Ranma."

   Ranma's eyes widened as he realized what she meant.

   "Oh no, not another one. Not already."

   Shampoo nodded.

   Ranma sighed and turned back to Natz. The little man was still breathing
rather hard and his face looked a bit red.

   "This aint finished. Not by a long shot. I'm comin' back after this story
and you'd better have tried to do somethin' about it by then."

   "I... I'll do what I can Mr. Saotome" Natz said, knowing full well that
there wasn't much he could do. He could send in the complaint, but they'd only
send it back to him stating that their department didn't handle such things.
After that he would look around, but he knew there wouldn't be anyone that
would be able to take it. It was ridiculous anyway. It was like saying that
death wasn't fair and someone ought to get rid of it.

   "Okay" Ranma said with a sigh. "I'm as ready as I'll ever be." Without
another word, he and Shampoo left, closing the door behind them.

   Natz leaned back in his chair and let out a long breath. Poor kid. He was
glad he was gone, but he did wish there were something he could do for him. He
wondered if forgotten characters really did cease to exist. He knew that some
of the old ones whos files were still in the literature department hadn't been
seen in years. Of course the classics were still around and probably would be
for some time to come. People still made movies occasionaly about Odysseus,
and Robin Hood certainly wasn't going anywhere. Still, there were those who
weren't so popular, or weren't popular enough to survive as the oldest had,
who hadn't been seen or heard from in a long time. It was easiest for the
CFMAC to write them off as deceased than to ponder whether or not they might
be around somewhere else, in some other part of the multiverse. Or somewhere
outside the multiverse altogether, if such a thing were possible. Some of them
had it made. Though they were still well known, and therefore still around,
there were no new scenarios being constructed for them, or very few anyway.
This left them in a state of comfortable retirement.  Characters like Ranma,
though, were hard not to pity. Their lives were just one adventure after
another with very little rest at all.

   Natz shook his head. He didn't have time for idle thoughts. There was work
to be done and Ranma's probably wasn't the last complaint he would have to
handle today. He retrieved the stack of papers he had been going over before
the interruption, and picked up where he had left off.

* * * * * * * * * * * *

   Outside the CFMAC offices, Ranma and Shampoo walked in silence. The sky was
bright and clear, and birds twittered and chirped as they flitted to and fro
between the pruned trees of the outer courtyard. They both wanted to say
something to each other before this newest story forced their words and
actions to conform to it's predetermined scenario, but neither could think of
anything, or even find a reason to talk. Finaly, Shampoo broke the silence.

   "Shampoo sorry. Hear some of what you talk about in room with small man."

   "I just feel helpless Shampoo, and I don't like feeling like that. I wish
things could be the way they used to. Before the stories. Man, I used to think
my life was wierd back then, but all of that was nothing compared to this. And
all we've got to look forward to is more of it, and then more after that until
we just... fade away."

   Shampoo nodded. "Seem that way, but maybe not so. Small man not know what
happen when we go, just like nobody really know what happen when people die.
Is all same thing. Shampoo not like either. Have many memories of village but
never can go there for long. Most stories not happen there."

   "Yeah, you're right, I guess" Ranma said. "I do wish we could settle down
for good though. I mean, dull and lifeless definately isn't my style but it
would be nice to just live one life for once... Hey, what are you smilin'
about?"

   "We?"

   "Huh? We what?"

   "Ranma say *we* settle down."

   Ranma's eyes widened, and he waved his hands franticaly.

   "Gyaah! No no no, that's not what I meant!"

   Shampoo grinned.

   "Maybe you marry Shampoo this time!"

   "Hmph. don't bet on it."

   "Has happened before. Maybe happen again."

   "C'mon Shampoo, don't start this, we're not even in the story yet!"

   "Will be in story soon, then maybe Ranma not even talk to Shampoo like this
without violent girl hitting him."

   "She'd still hit me if she were here right now, you know. She's not all
that different outside the stories."

   "Ranma, you no fun sometimes."

   "Tell you what" Ranma said, backing off as she edged closer to him. "We get
married this time, I owe you an ice cream."

   Shampoo stopped and frowned for a moment, looking a little annoyed, then
smirked and shrugged.

   "Is deal."