Far away yet very close
    Today, part of my heart was his.

How? (explain what happened before this)

My heart still longs for that day

...what?

but this was enough. The feeling that I held will 

someday be share till then I'll never to be in his arms, never to 

feel his warm breath upon my ear, as he whispers secret, never to 

hear him call my name with his soft yet strong voice . . .

Woah, major run-on sentence there.

    He doesn't know I'm here in this quiet hallway. 
Quiet isn't it 
today.

Well, yes, since you just said that the hallway was quiet.

To hear the gentle wind blowing, the sound of tree branch 
shaking in the wind.

Sentence fragment.

    I turn and look at his face. His eyse close, standing here 

in this hall and holding those bucket of water. I wonder what he 

thinking about, moving my hand to his shoulder, just once I hope 

to touch him but my hand... move through him.

The ellipses isn't necessary, and this sentence should be split up.

I cuddle my 

hand together and lend it against my crest.

I think you mean "chest", not crest.

For this day I stand 
by him and watch him.



    She here beside me, is she looking at me, I wonder from the 

moment the man from Ying and Yang falls in love, is his whole 

life revolves around this love, will he casts off ambition, work, 

fame and fortune and in the end he is thrown out by his family 

and lives in the street but will he lose the courage to love her 

so long ago. 

Huh? Not only is this sentence another run-on, but it makes no sense.

    But then I was never good at these kinds of things.

But then, I

Love, 
just nonsense word for she so far away that I wonder who she is, 
who she look like but yet she very close.

Run-on.

A image, just a strong 
feeling that she here waiting.

Fragment.

Maybe someday, we'll meet...Maybe someday.



    1500 year ago he left me, his life for mine to live, with 

the help of a kind-hearted old man, my spirit fall to the pool 

and there I will wait and one day he will crossed the sea and 

find me.

Run-on.

1500 year later he came.

Out of curiosity, is English your first language? Either way, you _really_ need someone else to proofread your works before you send them out.

Storywise, there's a lot of promise here.  I'm curious as to how the girl's spirit bonded only with Ranma's and not with anyone else who fell into the spring before he did, and how this will affect Ranma's relationship with his other fiancees.
---
-"Dot"
Dot-Chan on #fanfic at bachman.newberry.edu (FFIRC Chatroom)
Proud member of CAPOW

http://www.fortunecity.com/westwood/italian/70
http://members.xoom.com/dotchan (mirror)

--Writer of Unnecessarily Long Author's Notes and Bad Spamfics. ^^;
--Bane of the FFML since 1998. ^_^
--Coming soon to your local inbox: Dragon Ball stories 
with -gasp- plot! ^_^


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