[People in formal attire wait impatiently in their fold away chairs for
 the speaker to show at the podium at the for-front of the neatly 
 arranged chairs.  The people begin to fidget when motion can be
 seen approaching from behind the blue velvet like curtains.  Bastion
 can be seen peeking around the curtain.]

Bastion: Wow.  I wasn't expecting this much attention over my stuff.

Publicist: I certainly hope so, I spent alot of your money getting them here.

Bastion: What!?  Why did you do that?

Publicist: They wouldn't believe me when I said you were Micheal Jackson's and
Kathy Gifford's love child.  Anyway, they're waitin' for ya, so get yer arse out there.

[The Publicists pushes the fuming Bastion out into the scorching lights of the
 stage with the podium.  Bastion turns to his audience and smiles.]

Bastion: Uh, hi.

[The media just stare at him.  Bastion, now trying to hide the wet spots under his
 arms, stands at the podium and speaks to his literally captive audience.]

Bastion: <nervous> Hello, I'm sure you're all excited about the news I come to 
share with you today. I'm here to anounc- <A media person's raises his hand.>
Um, yes?

Reporter#1: Are you really Micheal Jackson's love child?

Bastion: Ummmmmm, no.

[Reporter#1 curses under his breath and hands over five dollars to a fellow reporter.]

Bastion: Anyway, I'm here to anounce- <Another hand raises> -that I'm not anyone's
love child- <Hand drops>.  I'm really here to say- <A hand raises again> Yeah, what?

Reporter#2: Were you abducted by aliens?

Bastion: <Hangs head> Yes.  Yes, I have.  And they gave me a big old anal prober
as a present.

Reporter#2: Do you have it with you?

Bastion: No, I left it at home with Elvis.  Now, will you please let me anounce something
important about my fic?

Reporter#3: You're not that Oscar guy, are you?

Bastion: No, I certainly am not!

Reporter#3: <mumbling> Damn.

Bastion: Now, I'm posting a brand new part of my fic to the FFML.

Reporter#2: Which is?

Bastion: <aggitated> Which is called Terrible Things to Waste.

Reporter#2: Never heard of it.

Bastion: <ahgast> Never heard of. . Why plenty of people have heard of it.

Reporter#3: Who?

Bastion: Erin Ellis, Lord Talon, Matt Johnston, David Johnston, and even Chris Davies!

Reporter#2: No he didn't.

Bastion: Yes he did.  Well. . . no, no.  No he didn't.

Child's voice in the back: Ha-HA!

Bastion: Anyway, it's at the SM Romance archives (http://solo.abac.com/moonromance/b.htm) 
You can't miss it.

Reporters: <deadpan> Yea. 

Reporter#1: Are you sure you didn't write Artemis' Lover?

Bastion: No I didn't, <rubs temple> but it's a little known fact that I helped 
pre-read it.

Reporter#1: So is it true that Oscar was really, you know.

Bastion: You know, what?

Reporter#1: You know, like gay or something.

Bastion: And how I am suppose to know that?

Reporter#1: Well, I just thought-

Bastion: <loudly> Next question, please.

[The reporters look at each other and finally one shrugs and stands.]

Reporter#3: So what do you plan on doing after you post this part thingy?

Bastion: I'm glad you asked.  <A collective groan is heard>  It will be the
last of my weekly postings, but don't fear I'm not done with it yet.

Reporter#2: So that means we won't hear from you again anytime soon?

Bastion: Well, there's always my plans for world domination, but that's on next
week's agenda.  Now I must be going, this has gone on long enough.

[Bastion jumps from the podium dramatically.]

Bastion: So, gentlemen, let's broaden our minds, <points to Publicist> Florence!

Publicist: My name's not Florence.

Bastion: Oh, just unlock the stupid doors.

[A clicking is heard at the exit doors and the reporters stampede out of the
 room.  Cowboys on horses herd out the stragglers as Bastion walks over to
 his Publicist.]

Bastion: Where did the cowboys come from?

Publicist: Oh, they do all the press conferences.  Where do you think Grade F beef
comes from?

Bastion: Eww.  <looking around> You got the plug?

Publicist: <standing by outlet> I've got it in hand.

Bastion: Cool, whatever you do, don't unplug just yet.  I need to use it and 
they only give you so man-

[Screen goes blank.]

<Puts plug back in>

Oiyo, what someone will do for some attention around here.

Watch for Terrble Things Part 6 tomorrow, I know you can't wait.
That or else, pretend you can't wait, or something.  <grin>

See ya manana.

Bastion
Who can't find that weird little ~ for the 'n'