[fanfic][ranma] The Old Fashioned Way
PARODY ALERT !!!!
The characters of the Ranma � universe are the creation
and possession of the brilliant Rumiko Takahashi. They belong
to Rumiko Takahashi and her licensees (Shogakukan Inc.,
Kitty-Fuji TV, Viz Communications Inc.) No copyright
infringement is intended.
I am providing this in hopes it will satisfy the vulgar curiosity of
the masses
concerning the financial status of the family Tendou. (^_~)
Kasumi settled herself more comfortably on the tatami and waited for
her sisters. They would be here soon. It was almost the new year.
Kasumi felt a brief chill at the thought and clasped her hands around
the delicate Imari cup and let the warmth and aroma of the green tea
sooth her. Her eyes settled on a faded wall hanging and she
unconsciously traced the old style kanji: "How regretful when purple
usurps the place of vermilion." How true, she sighed to herself. If
not for the last war . . . before the war the Tendou family had
position, wealth. So many beautiful things destroyed, she thought
sadly when the capitol was burned and the shogun fled into the eastern
hills. The family had moved to Edo then, built this newer, more modern
house. But it just wasn't the same without the old familiar things
around.
"Kasumiiiii!"
The exuberant cry bought Kasumi out of her gentle revere as Akane
burst through the door, followed by Nabiki at a more restrained pace.
"Sis, not to worry. I've solved our problems."
With a small smiling nod Kasumi invited Nabiki to continue.
"I've made up a list of the one hundred thousand richest people in
Japan. Well, Hong Kong and Australia too. Now I going to mail each of
these people offering to give them the winner of the next cup race for
100 Yen, double your money back guaranteed. Well 100 Yen isn't much
and most everybody on the Pacific Rim is crazy about gambling. Well,
there are only two real contenders. I send fifty thousand one name,
fifty thousand the other. Then whoever wins, I refund half of them the
money the other fifty thousand think I'm a genius."
"But, you've sent back ALL the money." Akane objected. "In fact
you're out postage. Now MY idea is .. ."
"Wait. Just wait. I haven't gotten to the best part. Now I keep doing
this. Offering to pick the winner for bigger contests . . .and
charging more money each time. With the same guarantee. Now the big
Sumou match has got some HEAVY betting. By this time I down to a hard
core of 100 or so suck . . .gambler's who think I'm the real deal. For
ONE MILLION yen I'll tell them the winner." Nabiki chuckled. "For the
name of the winner of the finals . . .they'd sell their grandmother
to a Chinese soap maker for tallow. They send me 100 million yen. I
send them a name, close down my PO box; and WE are ONE-HUNDRED-M I L L
. . ."
"But Nabiki" Kasumi broke in "weren't the Sumou finals last month?
Please don't bang your head so hard. This table is very old and one of
mother's favorite pieces."
"OH, OH Me next, Me next." Akane was bouncing up and down in place.
"Yes dear." Kasumi smiled indulgently at Akane's exuberance.
"I know. We can sell . . ."
"Won't work." Nabiki broke in rubbing her temples. "He's built up a
resistance to the tranquilizer. And after the last time with . . .HER
. . .well the cost of psychoanalysis ate up most of the profits."
Nabiki shuddered. "And that song . . .day and night singing that SONG!"
"I thought it was kinda' cute." Akane interjected. "I'm a little tea
pot, short and stout. This is my . . ." Nabiki clapped a hand over
Akane's mouth.
"NO-MORE! For the love of GOD! Besides, it wasn't YOUR underwear he
was.. ."
"It's nice to reminisce about happy times. But we still have our
little problem to solve. The New Year is almost upon us."
"Right."
"Sorry Kasumi." Akane muttered a shame faced apology, then threw a
fulminating look at Nabiki. "Besides, THAT wasn't what I meant at ALL.
I MEANT Uncle Genma!"
"Still won't work. There's not a Zoo from here to America that will
take him any more. And I hear the London Zoo has hired detectives . . ."
"No, no, no!" Akane banged the floor in exasperation. "Not sell him
to the zoo again. I meant . . ."
"Oh dear Akane." Kasumi put in, frowning slightly. "I thought we'd
discussed this. We can NOT sell Uncle Genma's kidney. The surgery
would simply put him out of action for months and we have him booked
for children's parties and mall openings until April. Besides" She
added." We can only do it once. We should save it for an emergency."
"Oh, but I think I've solved . . ."
"NO!"
Akane wilted under the unaccustomed sternness. Then brightened.
"That's not what I meant anyway." She pulled her eyelid down and stuck
her tongue out at Nabiki. "I meant sell him . . .for STUD FEES!!!"
Kasumi though for a moment. "Let's see . . .There's old Mrs. Chiiori.
She has lots of money and is half blind. And then Mrs. Akiri. She's
on a pension, but has some very nice antiques that must be worth."
"I meant as a PANDA!" Akane burst out.
" Well, in that case . . .perhaps Mrs. Tomo down the street or . . ."
"I meant at the ZOO!"
"Oh . . .that would work too."
"I don't know" Nabiki put in doubtfully. "It's a good idea sis."
Nabiki added hastily as Akane mangled a 100 yen coin between her
fingers. "It' just that breeders want medical tests before they'll
fork over the big bucks. And after years of drinking sake with
Happosai I'm afraid Uncle Genma may be shooting blanks. After all
Ranma is an only child."
There was a general air of gloom at that pronouncement. Then Kasumi
rose, straightening her kimono.
"Thank you both for trying. But . . .we have little time." She smiled
a small sad smile. "And the old ways are best."
"Are . . .are you sure, Kasumi?"
"Let ME!" Akane broke in almost tearfully. "I can . . ."
"No dear. You're too young. And Nabiki must stay here to . . .to
handle the arrangements." Kissing her sisters on the cheek Kasumi
walked out into the darkening streets. Knocking of the door of the
first house Kasumi knelt on the dirty street, her long hair veiling
her face in silk and shadow. The door opened and a large man, unshaven
and smelling of sake stood over her.
"Our family will not have enough money to pay our debts by the end of
the year . . . "
*****************************************************
"Boy, Oneesama has out done herself this year." Nabiki handed a
stuffed envelope to Akane would quickly count the contents and enter
the amount into a ledger.
"I still say I could have gone this year." She sniffed, still upset.
"I can do it too, watch." Akane knelt on the ground and looked up at
Nabiki. "Our family will not have enough money to pay our debts by the
end of the year, so we will have to set fire to the house and flee in
the night. I hope that will be no trouble to you."
"You keep giggling. Remember, it's not what you say, It's how you say
it." She looked over her shoulder at a large fire burning a metal
drum. Orange flames shot skyward and a crackling sound filled the air.
"Nice touch with the fire, though." A frantic staccato knock
interrupter her. Opening the door a crack a bulging purse was thrust
in her hands. "It seems to have really inspired the neighbors."
End Notes.
1: Traditionally all debts are payed at the end of the year.
2: Purple usurps . . ." Confucius, the "Analects" meaning when the
vulgar usurps the place of the noble.
3: "The last war" The Onin war about 500 years ago. Kyoto was burned.
Then the capital was moved to Edo (Tokyo) in about 1600
4: Nabiki's scheme is an actual confidence game that is still in use,
with variations.
5: The kuge, court nobles until WWII were generally
impoverished and without skills. This method was one they used to stay
solvent. Fire in densely packed city could destroy miles of houses.
Better to pay them off. ^_^
They make their money the old fashioned way . . .they burn it. <VBG>
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