"RanmaRanko" <tiger@lanset.com> wrote:

Ranam = Fanfiction

Okay this is my first fanficand first posting on ffml  I mean really it
is, if you don't
believe me then don't but it is.

I believe you.

    This is a very,VERYYYYY rough draft.  I just finished it about an
hour ago. I
have not read through it completely and have only spell checked it so
there are a lot
of grammer fixing. I want C&C on what you like and dislike about the
story, whether
characters, dialogue, thoughts, action, whatever just give it  to me.

Okay, first of all, it does not in fact look like you spell-checked, and
your grammar, punctuation, etc. are abysmal. I mean, it's not Dr.
Thinker level bad, but it's close. Next time you post, edit first; if
you lack the skills required to do this properly, ask a friend to
correct it for you. You want people to read your fic, don't you? So make
it easy for us. Most readers are *not* willing to take the time to wade
through something as badly edited as this, no matter how good the story
is.

As for the story, well, what you've got is more of a concept than a
story. It's an interesting concept, and it sort of works as just a
character sketch kind of piece, but you're not going to have a story
until you develop it into something that's going to cause conflict in
the lives of the characters. For example, you could make a story where
Ranma goes searching for a way to free Ranko (presumably by finding a
body that she can inhabit). 

Also, asking yourself questions is a good way to develop your concept.
So Ranko is a spiritual entity of her own. Where does her personality
come from? Is it an offshoot of Ranma's, or is it from the girl who died
at Jusenkyo? What about the other Jusenkyo-cursed characters? Do they
have spirits that follow them around too? Etc. etc. Your story won't
necessarily reveal the answers to all the questions you ask, but *you*
should know the answers just in case they can help with the plot of your
story.


Gary