Ranma 1/2 
The Private Bets: Arc 1-The Bard�s Stone part a
(LIME WARNING! )

(Author�s Note: I say this in advance....I�m sorry, I�m really really sorry
about this idea. I read Lemonade, Lemonade Punch, Lemonade Sherbert,  Life and
Times, Mirrors Multiplied, *Oneshot�s* Just Won�t Die series, then I found
Metroanime�s Bet archive........and the rest was history. Anyway.....Flames
and nukes can be sent to youramoron@getalife.edu. Praise, constructive
comments and MSTs can be sent to rowan-phoenix@usa.net.

Now to cover myself....disclaimer and warnings. *Takes a Deep Breath*
I would list the respective series and creators but it would take up too much
space so I�m giving the very condensed version. Takahashi-sama owns Ranma and
Urusai Yatsura, AIC & Pioneer have Tenchi and company, Sailor Moon and all of
the others are properties of their respective creators. This story is only for
amusement, no profit was made. Gregg Sharp is the creator and owner of *the
Bet* and Toltiir. Kudos to him.

*HACK...*WHEEZE*...*COUGH*......whew.

After much consideration I decided to keep the more juicy bits as seperate
sidestories to this Bet, thereby allowing me to sum it up much easier then
having to go from lemon scene to lemon scene to lemon scene. However there is
a lime warning! I�m playing around with a very delicate subject here so if you
ain�t mature enough.....scram. This story is the original copyrighted property
of the author, please don�t steal it and if you�re going to MST it at least
have the courtesy to ask first. I�m not unreasonable.

Akane Fans- Prepare to be offended.
Ryoga Fans- I can practically guarantee you WILL be offended.
To the Fans of Mousse- After reading this you�ll probably wonder �WHAT THE
HECK IS WRONG WITH HIM?!!!� All I can say in my defense is I do like Mousse
too, and that he should get Shampoo.......but not this time.
Kasumi & Shampoo & Ukyo Fans- Rejoice.
Nabiki Fans- Put away the tape recorders.....I�m not worth the effort of
Blackmailing.
Kuno Fans- You are going to hate me....
Ranma fans- After you read this you will be of two minds, either you will want
to lynch me or you�ll proclaim me a genius.......or both.)

Title: The Stork�s Worst Nightmare
A Private Bet Timeline 
By Shade
*$*$*$*$*

�Let me get this straight, every Bet made here will
continue to run no matter who wins because
we don�t have enough power to revert them back
to their original position after we toss our pebbles
in the time-lines?� 

�You got it.�

�That�s got to be the most ridiculous thing I�ve ever
 heard! The other Bet�s entries all dissolved after
 that Bet was over!� 

�That�s because they used phase realities to make
 their Bets in, we don�t have access to enough
 energy to even get one entry in that. This pool
 allows us to influence events by affecting the
 Nexus nodes in these parallel realities, but while
 it�s easy enough to add the energy needed for a
 entry the amount of power  necessary to revert
 things back to normal is obscene.� 

�What kind of an idiot came up with that idea
 anyway?!�

(Shade sneezes)

�Well? Are you going to throw or not Bard?�

�Give me a second Shadow, I�m waiting for
 just the right moment.....there!�

*Skip**Skip*

<The pebble abruptly makes a 90 degree turn before plunging into the surface
of the pool>

*SPLASH*

~~^~~^~~*~
  It just was not Ranma Saotome�s,
heir to the Anything Goes School of
Martial Arts, trouble magnet for all
of Asia and person voted most likely by
his class to be either married, dead or 
both by the time he graduated from high
school, day.

(Flashback)

It had started off with a bucket of cold
water in bed from Nabiki this morning. Then 
while in the bath his kawaiikune fiancee
Akane walked in on him without even checking
first....again. After a uppercut to the chin
he�d found out firsthand that the contracters
had installed some decommissioned battleship
armor in the roof this time when they had
repaired it in an attempt to keep the property
damage to a minimum. It had worked...sort of.

While Ranma didn�t go crashing through the
roof into the stratosphere, he did wind up
busting halfway through before getting stuck
in the thick metal plating. Things went downhill
from there. 

Breakfast had turned out to be everyone except for
him having Kasumi�s cooking while he was left
with....something that was given the laughable
name of French toast. The glowing purple pudding 
hardly looked even remotely organic. Despite his best
efforts to acquire some real food he had been
thwarted by his baka oyaji and the self-righteous
Soun. Those two damn hypocrites had been greedily
guzzling Kasumi�s delicious morning fare while 
preaching to him about his duties as Akane�s fiancee
to enjoy her macabre efforts. The pair of them
wouldn�t even touch the stuff, but of course he had to
eat it. To add insult to injury Akane hadn�t even 
tried to taste her own cooking and had the nerve to
castigate him for not eating it while even she was
enjoying breakfast with the others! Of all the people
at the table only two faces had looked at him with
sympathy in their eyes....

(Exit Flashback)

Ranma's thoughts briefly switched to the night before,
his mother Nodoka had gotten him to swear that he
would be on his best behavior for today. She wanted
him to get along with his fiancee and he wanted more
then anything else in the world to make his mother
happy and proud of him. So he had given his word to
her as a man among men, and he had been determined
to keep it.

He�d tried, so help him he really had tried. 

Remembering the results of his hardfought efforts
brought a unusually troubled frown to Ranma's face.

(Resume Flashback)

�a..Akane....no ...thank..you....I�m....not
hungry really...� He�d stumbled out a polite refusal,
trying desperately not to offend her. He�d have had
a better chance trying to armwrestle Godzilla.

�RANMA NO BAKA!!! HOW DARE YOU INSULT MY COOKING LIKE THAT!!!�
Akane�s mind was similar in design to a boulder rolling 
down an eternal hill, once set in its course it was virtually
impossible to stop or change, and heaven help anyone that got
in its way. For instance right now it had observed that:
 a) Ranma wasn�t eating her cooking.
 b) Ranma�s mouth was open and words were coming out, 
    she didn�t bother to even listen as she already 
    knew he was insulting her again, he was ALWAYS insulting
    her!
Which inevitabily led to conclusion
 d) Ranma was obviously going to eat and flirt with his 
    other fiancees, they would all laugh at her, mock    
her......RAAAAAGGGGHHHH!!!!

Akane grabbed the nearest available blunt object in hand
and slammed it down on Ranma�s head, barely noticing that
she�d used the dining table or that everyone else�s
breakfast was still on it. 

A cold �Hmph! I�m going on ahead.� was all Akane bothered to
say as she grabbed her schoolbag and left the room.

�WAAAAAHHHHHH!!!�

Genma and Soun immediately broke out the waterworks at
the waste of breakfast. Nabiki briefly smiled at the
morning�s amusement and left as well. It was left to
Kasumi to help Ranma.

�Ranma? You�ll be late for school if you don�t hurry.�

�..g..give me a sec..Kasumi-chan.� Ranma�s voice was
unnaturally weak, being conked on the noggin after
having 12 inches of high-grade steel smashed against
one�s forehead tended to have that effect on people.
His verbal blunder could be blamed on the fact that
he was having trouble keeping his eyes focused on just
one Kasumi, why her twin sister had decided to visit
now of all times confused him to no end. 

�Oh my!� Kasumi gasped out as Ranma unintentionally
glomped onto her in an attempt to stay vertical.

-Somewhere far north of Alaska

�Where on Earth am I now!?�

�Akane.....I treasure you as a goddess....but
 Akari....she�s the only one who accepts me as
 I am. Arrgghhh!! I can�t bear to hurt either
 one of them! RANMA THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!!!�

-Elsewhere

�At last Shampoo, you will be mine!!!�

-Another Elsewhere

�OHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO!!! Ranma-sama, soon we
 will realize our passion for each other!�

~~~~~~~~
-Someplace where the normal rules
 were tossed out the window

�What the heck are you trying to do?� 

�Well I�m trying to get Ranma to act 
like a real man. He�s got women all 
around him and he doesn�t do a damn 
thing about it! So let�s see what
happens when I remove that Akane
bimbo from the equation.�

�So you caused Kiima to ask Ryoga for
 directions and Pantyhose Taro goes to
 Phoenix Mountain and mixes it up with
 Saffron, thereby preventing the bonding
 experience in China between Ranma and 
 Akane. So now she�s still as violent as
 ever and Ryoga has pulled a Kuno with 
 Akari and Akane, while Mousse is messing 
 around with ancient Amazon aphrodisiacs 
 and Kodachi experiments with her newest
 concoction.�

�Basically that sums it up.�

�.....�

~~~~~~~~

Kasumi knew she shouldn�t be enjoying this,
after all Ranma was so innocent that he
would never dream of taking advantage of her...

She blushed as her long denied imagination went
to work.....

�After all she was a healthy young woman,
 and being held close by a very attractive
 healthy young man.....�

She wondered where that last thought had come from.
~~~~~~

�Gee I wonder....�

�What are you looking at me for?
 I didn�t do that!�

~~~~~
<Contiuned in part b>

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