A Hasty Moral of the Story

A Ranma 1/2 Spamfic
By
Treesap (Aesop's half-Asian illegitimate child)

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Everyone at dinner jumped as the door to the Tendo dojo slammed open and
slammed shut. A very female Saotome Ranma stalked into the tearoom, clothes
in tatters and numerous scratches over the visible part of her body.

"ARRGGGGH!!! We have GOT to do SOMETHING about Cologne and Shampoo!

Ranma dropped roughly into his place next to Akane and started scraping most
of the food within, and to some degree outside, his reach into his plate.

"There I am, minding my own business, when Super Purple does a one-point
landing on my head with that damn bike of hers. Before I can do anything,
Cologne pokes me with that staff of hers and my legs go numb. I CAN'T GET
AWAY!!"

Akane begins to glow an eerie blue. Ranma rounds on her.

"Don't EVEN go there, tomboy! I ain't in the mood!"

Akane deflates, not used to dealing with this particular Ranma. She looks at
her anxiously, but Ranma rolls on.

"Next thing you know, Shamps has her hands everywhere. I'm laying there
screaming bloody murder..." Ranma briefly wonders what about that situation
was so unpleasant, aside from the paralysis, that is. She shakes her head
and continues. "Anyway, I'm yelling for help and then it rains! I'm girlin'
out, Shampoo is cattin' out, and Cologne's just plain ol' wet. Then Shampoo
just ups and decides to RUB on my FACE! I honestly don't remember anything
after that."

Soun nods his head sagely. "The Nekoken. Its true horror, shrouded in
mystery, is only now URRRRK!!!"

Akane daintily removes Mallet-sama from her father's head and smiles. Ranma
stares at her.

"Uh... thanks, Akane. I, er, don't know what to say."

"Way to go, sis," Nabiki chimed in.

"Oh, my!" Kasumi ran into the kitchen to prepare an ice pack for the Tendo
patriarch.

"So, Ranma," Nabiki said. "You're still female. How did you get out of the
Nekoken?"

Ranma made a quick assessment of the interior of her mouth and decided she
had gotten rid of the smell of okonomiyaki.

"Uh, well, there was this, um, er, ... OLD LADY! Yeah, that's it! She let
me, you know, crawl on her lap and snooze. Heh, heh."

Nabiki gave Ranma her what-do-you-take-me-for look, but Ranma quickly
changed the subject.

"Mannnnn! Cologne and that bunch. Why don't they just go home or something."

"YOU know why, baka!" Akane spat.

"Awww, c'mon Akane. I'd never marry a CHINESE girl!"

Soun abruptly regained consciousness only to freeze in place, with the rest
of the family sitting at the table, to stare mutely at the pig-tailed
martial artist. Ranma's head whipped around, making little whooshing noises,
as stried to figure out what was going on.

All at once, everyone began jabbering at her. Ranma had a hard time picking
out a single THREAD in the confusion, but she could easily tell that none of
it was good. At least, not for her. She came to the conclusion that it was
an excellent time to get some additional training in the Saotome Ultimate
Secret Technique. She spun in place and darted away to slam painfully into
the shins of...

"Kasumi!" Ranma's head slowly tilted back and she saw at the top of her
vision the expressionless mask and stone-cold eyes of the eldest Tendo
sister. "eep."

"Ranma-CHAN!? *Ahem* Did I hear you correctly?" Kasumi asked.

"Uh... Uh... ERRK!" Akane kidney punched her fiance.

"What's the matter, baka? CHINESE CAT got your tongue?"

"Hey!"

"Ranma-CHAN? You were just joking, ne?" Kasumi wasn't laughing.

Ranma found herself in a strange position. Here was someone who had always
been there. Unlike most others, she had never judged or pre-judged. She
didn't seem overly concerned about the curse, at least not since that first
day. She always had hot water at hand. She had given up almost everything to
take care of her family, which now included Ranma. She sighed.

"M'sorry, Kasumi. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings... AACCCKKK!" Kasumi
had reached down and was hauling Ranma up by one of her ears.

"Ranma-CHHAAANNN!" her voice rang. "I'm not concerned with my feelings,
right now," she continued sweetly. "Is there any other reason you might be
sorry?"

Ranma stared at her in stark terror. She wondered who this woman was and
where she'd come from.

"I, uh, well let's see. I, hmmm, I don't..." Ranma hemmed and hawed for
about 20 seconds until finally, "...!"

"I see," Kasumi said. "I'm very disappointed in you, especially as POSSIBLE
husband to Akane. Even jokes about someone's heritage, meant or not, are in
extremely poor taste and reflect poorly on you and your family, although..."
She looked aside at Genma eating everything in sight, not a care in the
world. "Oh, never mind about him. We're your family, now, and I don't take
kindly to those kinds of things being said. NE!?"

Ranma was a quivering, spineless mass of jelly directly in Kasumi's line of
fire.

"Now, apologize to your family."

Ranma shakily got down on her knees and lowered her forehead to the floor,
placing her hands palm down on either side of her skull.

"Go-Go-Gomen nasai, minna-san. I-I did not think before talking."

"AND?" Kasumi prompted.

"Uh... uh... I d-d-don't really think that way about others. I am sorry for
shaming myself and my family. Gomen nasai."

"That's more like it. Akane? Would you come here, please?"

"Sure, oneechan."

"Ranma, the family is going to give you a little private time to consider
the error of your ways. Akane?"

"RANMA NO BAKAAAAAAA!!!" *BAM* Ranma sailed through the Nerima sunset,
feeling as low as she was high.

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Is there a moral to the story? Yes. Never make Kasumi mad.

A gentle reminder of what the FFML is about.

Ja ne.