Waiting for Minako
by DDFA (Mark A Page)
Part Twentytwo - The Holidays
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Scene: The set of "Waiting for Minako". Everything is silent, as
everyone has gone home for the holidays. A cleaner is sweeping dust
from the floor, whistling to himself. He finds a mallet, hiding
behind one of the stacked tables of the restaurant.
Cleaner: I wonder if Mokona got what was coming to him.
He studies the mallet, picking little bits from the head.
Cleaner: Nup. No marshmallow here. Can't have happened, yet.
Suddenly, a large, semi-naked figure comes bounding onto the set,
staring around himself with manic distrust at his surroundings. He
spots the surprised cleaner and levels a finger.
Rabies: So, there you are, you kin of those who raped and
murdered my grandmother.
Cleaner: Pardon?
Rabies: Be silent, you freak from the other side of the globe.
Bow down to my great intelligence and wit.
He crosses his arms and gives the cleaner the manic stare of doom.
The cleaner sighs and waves him away.
Cleaner: If you're looking for DDFA, you're too late. He's on
holidays.
Rabies: So, you deny that you are that spawn of convicts, do
you? It would be fitting for one of such lowly
intellect to end up cleaning the sets of his own series.
Cleaner: You're mental, aren't you?
Rabies: Be silent, pond scum! If I wish to converse with you, I
shall let you know. Otherwise, the only sound I wish to
hear emerge from your throat is the choking scream as I
throttle you.
Rabies brushes the cleaner aside and stomps off into the dark depths
of the Id. The cleaner sighs and shakes his head.
Cleaner: Fanfic writers. I shall never understand them.
Meanwhile, in a small hovel in Adelaide, Australia, DDFA is sitting
at his computer. It is 1.12am on December 31st, and he is starting
the new year early by consuming an entire bottle of sake in one
gulp. His writing strats to bcemoe slihglty dogdy.
DDFA: *Heehee* Banzai! Banzai! Banzai! *Uuuuurp*
He slumps down in his seat, giggling inanely, staring at his nice
new red shirt, an Xmas gift from his mother, commonly referred to
as Attilla the Hen, or Warthog to others.... as her growing
collection of plushie pigs shall attest to.... He giggles again and
downs yet another bottle of sake.
DDFA: BWAHAHAHAHAHA.... *hic* Izz goood. Wanna more. Wanna
more. Where be da dwink. Hee hee. Nine down,
ninetyone to go. *hic* Glad I bought da special Sailor
V Partytime Sake. Ain't dat right, Minako-chan.
On the other side of the room, sitting in a large armchair, Minako
is giggling even more inanely than DDFA.
Minako: Yeah, ish kinda shtrange what productsh they'd market in
my name. Teeheehee....
DDFA: Like that really shucky healthsh drink.
Minako: *Snort* Thatsh tashted like shitsh. I keptsh pushing
it on the othersh.... They're sho shtupid. They'd
drinksh anything. BWAHAHAHAHA!
DDFA: Well you hafta hidesh your manic depresshion shomehow.
Minako: I am notsh manic depresshive.... I'm jusht a naughty
girlsh.
DDFA pauses.
DDFA: Hey, you wanna turn dish fic into a shelf-inshert lemon?
Minako: You know wheresh to inshert yourshelf! Now gimme
another bottlesh of dat shake.... *Snort* Heeheehee.
Meanwhile, at the Hikawa Shrine, Rei is plastered on the ceremonial
sake and is watching the soccer on tv. Watched on by a worried
Yuuichirou.
Rei: Come on da REDS!
Yuuichirou: Ano.... Rei-chan... Don't you think you've drunk
enough?
Rei: Shuddup, you! Now get over here and give me a bit of
that big, hunky body of yours. Or better still, turn
into Mamoru and then give me a bit of that big, hunky
body of yours....
Yuuichirou: Rei-chan!
The door to the room opens, and Lina Inverse stares in.
Lina: Has anyone in here seen that bloody Inverse Layer the
bloody writer was going on about a few chapters ago?
Rei stares at her, then giggles.
Rei: Well, considering you have a voice like Usagi's, I'll
lay you if you like. That should keep some people
happy. *snort*
Yuuichirou: I really think you've had enough to drink, Rei-chan.
Lina stares at Rei and Yuuichirou for a couple of seconds.
Lina: All things considered, what's in it for me?
Rei: All this food.
Rei gestures to the other side of the room, where a veritable
feast is sitting. Sans black jellybeans, which the shrine has run
out of. Lina pauses for several moments. She then takes her cape
off.
Lina: Well, I'm game if you are.
As Yuuichirou's jaw hits the floor, Lina slides the door shut behind
her.
Meanwhile (you aren't getting a lemon scene out of me that easily
^_^) back in DDFA's little hovel, Minako has fallen on the floor,
pissed as a rat, and is asleep, mumbling to herself.
Minako: No.... Asai-kun.... Please.... Not at school....
Someone might see us. *Mumble mumble Turtle Scrubs
grumble grumble.*
DDFA watches her and shrugs, then turns back to his computer.
DDFA: I wonder if anyone has actually worked the plot of this
fic out, yet. I wonder if I've ever worked out the plot
of any fic I've written, yet? Perhaps I should actually
finish the scene I ended the last chapter with. Yeah,
that'll catch everyone off guard. BWAHAHAHAHA!
DDFA starts to type, a little slower than normal, considering his
inebriated state, and starts giggling like a fool.
On the set of "Waiting for Minako", the cleaner curses.
Cleaner: Damn that bastard. Now I'm going to have to rouse all
the wankers from their holidays.
The cleaner wanders off, mumbling darkly to himself.
Meanwhile, in Hades, Usagi is in hot pursuit of the Almighty Bunny-
Thing of Doom.
Usagi: MATTE!
Mokona: Pu! ^_^
As Mokona approaches a street corner, Ryuzaki Umi appears, also
holding a large mallet.
Umi: So, Mokona.... You thought you could get away from me
by hiding in Hades, did you?
Mokona: Pu! O_O
Mokona comes to a screeching halt as Usagi and Umi come charging in
from both directions. Just then, Mokona sprouts angel wings and
takes off.
Mokona: Pu pu pu pu pu! ^_^
Usagi and Umi watch him rise with surprise, still charging at each
other at full speed. Without realising what they are doing, they
bring their mallets down on top of each others' heads, and fall to
the ground, dazed.
Usagi: Not tonight, Rei-chan. I've got a headache....
Umi: You know, Hikaru.... If you turn into a catgirl just
once more....
Mokona flutters down and lands atop the two girls, his wings
disappearing.
Mokona: Pu! ^_^
Suddenly, a large screen descends from the top of one of Hades'
tallest buildings, showing highlights from the NukuNuku tv series.
In seconds, Hades has been completely abandoned. Except for Mokona,
who is pupuing as he watches the edits, sitting back on the two
dazed girls.
Meanwhile, in the hospital.
Makoto: Is it our turn, yet?
DDFA: Not yet. Your turn is next chapter.
Ami: What, you mean we left the orgy for NOTHING?
END OF PART 22
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Is DDFA really plastered? Has this affected this fic, whatsoever?
Does this mean SIU 35 shall be late? Does anyone really care? Does
DDFA know how to use a spellchecker in this state? Or is this all
the product of the DT's? For almost no answers to these questions,
see in the next exciting chapter of "Waiting for Minako".... The
Hangover. Urk! :(
Waiting for Minako
by DDFA (Mark A Page)
Part Twentythree - The Hangover
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Scene: The set for "Waiting for Minako". The cleaner is sweeping
away empty bottles and other ancillary party type objects. From
behind one of the props, an arm appears.
Cleaner: What the f....
Makoto: Oooooohhhhhhhh......
Makoto lifts herself up from behind the prop and stares blearily
around the set.
Makoto: Would you mind doing that a little quieter?
Cleaner: Had a bit too much of the holiday cheer, did we?
Makoto: I had exactly as much as I wanted to, thankyou very
much. Now where did I put the Berocca?
Cleaner: You left it back at your orgy.
Makoto: .....
Cleaner: .....
Makoto: Be careful.... You'll break the illusion of all the
sensitive, newbie readers that I'm anything other than a
simple girl whose only interests are cooking and
housekeeping.
Cleaner: You mean they aren't your interests?
Makoto: No, actually.... I'm a phone sex operator who collects
art deco dildos and small fuzzy white things which hang
from the ceiling.
Cleaner: .....
Makoto: .....
Cleaner: But only in your spare time.
Makoto: Of course. What do you do in your spare time, apart
from sweeping up messes created by others?
Cleaner: Oh, I torment young children with psychologically
disturbing put-downs and jokes. It makes my day
worthwhile to see a child crying, utterly traumatised
for the rest of their lives due to my total lack of
social conscience.
Makoto: .....
Cleaner: .....
Makoto: You're a creepy little weirdo, aren't you?
Cleaner: That's what they all say. By the way, where's your bed
buddy?
Makoto: Who?
Cleaner: That blue-haired slag with the severe social disorder.
Makoto: Oh, you mean Ami. I wouldn't describe her in those
terms.
Cleaner: Why not?
Makoto: She has this really vengeful side. Strange things will
start to happen to you when you least expect it.
Cleaner: Oooh. Sounds like fun. Does it involve razorblades?
Makoto: Yes, but only before you die.
Cleaner: Aww.... You mean I don't get to play with all the pus-
filled wounds and weeping sores afterwards?
Makoto: .....
Cleaner: .....
Makoto: Bugger the psychological torment, Ami. Just pour the
boiling oil on him, now.
Suddenly, from above comes gallons of boiling oil. With a short,
strangulated cry, the oil covers the cleaner, and he melts away.
Makoto sighs and flops back down behind the prop as the oil flows
away. Ami jumps down from the rafters, hands on hips.
Ami: That seemed to work really well.
Makoto: Hmm. You should have thought of that when we were
taking Galaxia on.
Ami: Nah, that bitch would have absorbed it. Anyway, what is
happening with this fic?
Makoto: It's still the break in the storyline. Whatever story
there is. Until DDFA wakes up, we're stuck here, unable
to do anything.
Ami: .....
Makoto: .....
Ami: .....
Makoto: .....
Ami: .....
Makoto: .....
Ami: .....
Makoto: .....
Ami: .....
Makoto: What did you go so quiet for?
Ami: Just practicing.
Makoto: For what?
Ami: For the long period of us not being able to do anything.
Makoto: .....
Ami: .....
Makoto: Baka. It won't be THAT long.
Ami: Well, you never know. The entire chapter could be a
whole lot of nothing happening.
Makoto: I very much doubt it.
Ami: Why?
Makoto: Very little has actually happened since DDFA started
writing this series.
Ami: True. True.
Makoto: .....
Ami: .....
Makoto: Hey, I've got an idea.
Makoto gets up from behind the prop.
Ami: What is it?
Makoto: Let's kidnap Minako!
Ami: Eh?
Makoto: It'll mean DDFA really WON'T know where she is, and give
us more control over our destinies.
Ami: I don't think he'll like that very much.
Makoto: Yeah, but what is he going to do about it?
Ami: He could write us into a tentacle lemon.
Makoto: .....
Ami: .....
Makoto: Be a first for him. He's thus far avoided doing
anything vaguely lemon.
Ami: Yeah, but he's a sick, depraved bastard. You never know
WHAT he might write as a first effort.
Meanwhile, in his little hovel in Adelaide, Australia, DDFA is lying
in bed, having dreams about rubbing wet teabags into peoples' hair.
His eyes suddenly snap open at the point where large earplugs are
floating around on concrete columns, and hazily realises he is not
alone in the room. He tries to move, but can't.
DDFA: Who.... who's there?
There is a soft giggle, and he swallows, his senses becoming more
alert with fear. He manages to sit up, but everything in his
bedroom is swimming about in the darkness.
DDFA: That's it! I'm NOT going to have someone try the
psychological fear routine on me. Who are you, and what
are you doing in my house?
Voice: Oh honey, dearie.... I'm sooooo sorry. I didn't mean
to frighten you.
He can see the vague outline of a woman, sitting atop his shelf
desk. He rubs his forehead, sighing.
DDFA: Listen, Morrigan, how many times have I told you....
Morrigan: Aww.... You know who I am.... Damn.
DDFA: Of COURSE I know who you are. No other woman greets me
in my bedroom at this time of the morning. No other
woman is LIKELY to greet me at this time of the morning,
let's face it.... However, that is beside the point. I
can't constantly have you creeping in here, giving me
new and evil ideas for my stories. Having the Youma
Usagi dig out the guts of all her friends in "Usagi is
Dead" was bad enough.
Morrigan gets down from the desk and starts to pace the room. DDFA
brushes the succubus's wings away from his face as he does so,
trying not to stare at her butt.
Morrigan: And I thought it was a good scene. Lots of gory
fighting and stuff.... My kind of tale. You know, I do
have another idea....
DDFA: Ooooooh no you don't. I am NOT writing a Sailorsenshi
versus Darkstalkers crossover....
Morrigan: Why not?
DDFA: Because any fight between yourself and Sailormoon would
be short, sharp and to the point. Not to mention
extremely messy.
Morrigan: So says the person who killed her off by putting an
arrow through her head. *Sigh* So, are you any closer
to continuing "Waiting for Minako", or are you going to
leave the poor human plebs waiting?
DDFA: Shhhh.... Don't talk like that.
Morrigan: Talk like what?
DDFA: The "poor human plebs" line....
Morrigan: Why? Don't you want people to know you're not human, or
something?
DDFA: I said NOT to say it, for the love of....
END OF PART 23
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Is DDFA really a Darkstalker? Will Makoto and Ami kidnap Minako?
Does any of this really matter to the main plot, which will
supposedly restart in the next chapter? For questions to these
answers, see the next chapter of "Waiting for Minako". Not a
tentacle lemon. They're sour and they wriggle all over the place.
DT 1.0 - Friday, 1st January 1999 (Waits patiently for September
13, when the moon shall go flying off into space. ^_^)
Waiting for Minako
by DDFA (Mark A Page)
Part Twentyfour - The Nothing
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Scene: The hospital. Ami is still sitting on top of the (now still)
photocopier, with Makoto standing next to her.
Ami: .....
Makoto: .....
Ami: .....
Makoto: .....
Ami: .....
Makoto: .....
Ami: .....
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Ami: .....
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Ami: .....
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Ami: .....
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Ami: .....
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Ami: .....
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Ami: .....
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Ami: .....
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Ami: .....
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Ami: .....
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Ami: .....
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Ami: I take it we don't have to do much in this chapter.
Makoto: .....
Ami: .....
Makoto: .....
Ami: .....
Makoto: .....
Ami: .....
Makoto: .....
Ami: .....
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Ami: .....
Makoto: .....
Ami: .....
Makoto: .....
Ami: .....
Makoto: .....
Ami: .....
Makoto: Doesn't look like it.
Meanwhile, by the wall in Tokyo....
Haruka: This is no good.
Michiru: What is?
Haruka: They've been gone for too long.
Michiru: Who? Those inner plebs?
Haruka: Yes, those inner plebs.
Michiru: Are you REALLY concerned about the fate of a pair like
them?
Haruka: Not really. It's just that we've been standing by this
wall for a while, now.
Michiru: Yes, my hair is a mess.
Haruka: I haven't had a bath in days.
Michiru: Neither have I. My complexion is going to suffer.
Haruka: I've missed a whole batch of appointments.
Michiru: This can't continue. We're going to have to find them.
Haruka: Yes, put them back by this wall, where they belong.
Michiru: Indeed.
Haruka: We'll work out what the hell is going on, here!
Michiru: Actually, we KNOW what is going on around here. We just
don't want anyone else finding out.
Haruka: Shhh.... You might give everything away.
Michiru: Oops, sorry.
Meanwhile, in Hades, Usagi and Umi are still lying on the ground,
dazed.
Usagi: Oooohhhh.
Umi: Uuuughhh.
Usagi: My head.
Umi: Which head? I can see several.
Usagi: You're the one who hit me. You tell me.
Umi: Where is that lump of marshmallow?
Usagi: I think he got away.
They both sit up, holding their heads.
Usagi: There is a lump on my head the size of a basketball.
Umi blinks, looking at where Usagi is rubbing her head.
Umi: No there isn't.
Usagi: What do you mean? I can feel it.... Wait a minute...
Usagi parts her hair where the lump is, and looks up into a pair of
squinting eyes.
Usagi: YOU!
Mokona: Pupuuuuu. ^_^
Usagi: You.... You rotten little lump of....
Mokona: Puuuu.... ^_^
Umi stands and picks up her mallet.
Umi: Don't move. I'll get him.
Usagi: No! Wait!
Umi: I've waited 46 episodes for this, you little lump of
dried-up fecal matter....
Umi lifts the mallet high into the air. Usagi backs away in fear.
Umi: I said keep still.
Usagi: I happen to be under that little lump of dried-up fecal
matter.... I'm not looking forward to having you beat
me over the head with that thing.
Umi: So, you wish to betray me?
Umi laughs, bitterly.
Umi: After all I've been through to get him, I shall not let
anything get in my way. Prepare to die for a good
cause, Tsukino Usagi.
Usagi: But.... I'm already dead.
Umi: Then you won't feel the blows when they come, will you?
Usagi: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
END OF PART 24
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Will Umi beat Usagi into a bloody pulp? Do Haruka and Michiru
REALLY know what is going on? Will they find Ami and Makoto. Will
Ami and Makoto actually do anything, rather than just stand around
staring into space? And what does this have to do with a plot
between a missing blond and a small, white bunny thing.... Oops,
almost gave everything away.... ^_^ Anyway, for no answers to
these questions, read the next exciting (hyperbole) chapter of
"Waiting for Minako", region locked for reasons known only to the
bastards who make DVD players.
Waiting for Minako
by DDFA (Mark A Page)
Part Twentyfive - The Light
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Scene: The hospital. Ami is still sitting on top of the (now still)
photocopier, with Makoto standing next to her.
Ami: It's so dark in here.
Makoto: Well, that's because the machine is now off. The light
coming from it was lighting up the room.
Ami: Well, now we can't see too much.
Makoto: Perhaps we should leave this room and find out what the
hell is going on.
Ami: Yes, we should.
Makoto: So, where do we start?
Ami: .....
Makoto: .....
Ami: I'm not sure.
Makoto: Well, you got here before I did.
Ami: Yes, but I was unconscious for most of the time. As you
well know.
Makoto: Oops, forgot.
Ami: Shouldn't you turn on a light?
Makoto: A light?
Ami: Yes, a light.
Makoto: You mean there is a light in here?
Ami: There has to be one, somewhere.
Makoto: There doesn't have to be.
Ami: You're just arguing the point for the sake of it.
Makoto: I am not. There doesn't have to be a light in here.
Ami: Who says so?
Makoto: Nobody has to say so.
Ami: Well, you just go on and believe what you think. I'm
sure the person who put us in this mess is having a good
laugh at our expense.
Makoto: Ah! Now I remember!
Ami: Remember what?
Makoto: What we were supposed to be doing.
Ami: Which is?
Makoto: Look for the person who put us in this mess.
Ami: So, where do you suggest we start?
Makoto: Good question.
Ami facefaults.
Ami: Yes, very good, Sherlock.
Makoto: Well, how about we start by going up to the head office
of this place?
Ami: What? Do you mean we walk through the darkness?
Makoto: Have you a better idea?
Ami: We could trip over or step into anything.
Makoto: Somehow I don't think so. We can see well enough as it
is.
Ami: I bet we step in something really horrible and smelly.
Makoto: This is a hospital, not a public lavatory.
Ami: Same difference, surely?
Makoto: Now listen, you.... Are you coming with me up to the
head office?
Ami: I might.
Makoto: What do you mean, you might?
Ami: If you can promise me we won't step in anything nasty.
Makoto: Can you SEE anything nasty on the floor?
Ami: I can't see anything on the floor at all.
Makoto: Bullshit. You can see the floor perfectly well.
Ami: But I left my glasses behind.
Makoto: You don't use glasses.
Ami: Yes I do.
Makoto: No you don't.
Ami: Yes I do. I use these ones.
Ami lifts a pair of glasses from behind her, showing them to Makoto.
She then whips them back to wherever it was she was hiding them.
Ami: Pity I left them behind. I don't know what I'll do
without them.
Makoto: Oh very well. I'll guide you about.
Ami: I can't let you do that.
Makoto: Why not?
Ami: What if you step into something nasty.
Makoto: Don't worry. I won't.
Ami: But you don't have your glasses, either.
Makoto: I don't wear glasses.
Ami: Yes you do.
Makoto: No I don't.
Ami: Yes you do.
Ami takes the glasses out again and places them on Makoto's face.
Ami: See?
Makoto: What do you know....
Ami takes the glasses off Makoto's face and hides them, again.
Ami: So you see, I can't have you endangering yourself for
me.
Makoto: I understand your concern, Ami, but I'll be perfectly
alright.
Ami: You thrillseeker, you.
Makoto: Look, all we have to do is get out of this room and
everything shall be bright and clear for us.
Ami: You're sure about that, are you?
Makoto: Yes, this is the darkest room in the hospital.
Ami: It might not be. There might be even darker rooms, with
scary things wandering through them.
Makoto: You're gettingparanoid in your old age, you know that?
Ami: Yes.
Makoto: I refrain from commenting. So, can I help you down from
that machine?
Ami: No.
Makoto: Why not.
Ami: I'm scared.
Makoto: Scared? Of what?
Ami: It's so far down, and the floor is sooooo dark.
Makoto: Listen, stupid, I happen to be standing on that floor.
Ami: Stupid? YOU, of all people, call ME stupid?
Makoto: Anyone too scared to get down from a photocopier because
they are scared of heights is stupid, in my world.
Ami: Yes, but I don't live in your world.
Makoto: Well, what world DO you live in?
Ami: The scary little one on the other side of the wall.
Makoto: Look, shutup and get down from there.
Makoto grabs Ami by the arms and tries to pull her down from the
machine. Ami tries to resist.
Ami: Let me go!
Makoto: Shutup, you!
Ami: You're scaring me.
Makoto: Oh yeah? You want to see something REALLY scary?
Ami: What?
Makoto lets Ami go and turns, playing with her face with her hands.
She turns back with an utterly mutated face, drooling green slime
and baring her teeth.
Makoto: GRAAAAAARGH!
Ami: IYAAAAAAA!
Ami almost faints as Makoto turns around again, once more playing
with her face. When she turns back, her face is back to normal.
Ami: Kami's shit! How did you DO that?
Makoto: We all have secrets we like to keep. Now get down from
there.
Ami: No.
Makoto: Don't force me to use violence.
Ami: No, I can't.... I'll pass out from the strain.
Makoto: What strain?
Ami: The strain of getting close to that distant, dark floor.
Makoto: You don't have some kind of bizarre psychological
condition, do you?
Ami: Yes.
Makoto: What?
Ami: I'm a smartarse.
Makoto: Alright! That did it!
Makoto rolls up the sleeves of her overcoat and grabs Ami by her
arms, roughly. Despite some protests, she wrenches Ami from atop
the machine and drops her onto the floor.
Ami: WAAAAAAHHH! You could have killed me!
Makoto: Yeah, right. Now get to your feet and we'll get going.
Ami: Can't.
Makoto: What do you mean, you can't?
Ami: I suddenly realised. I'm scared of heights.
Makoto: .....
Meanwhile, in Hades, Usagi and Mokona are staring down at the
unconscious form of Umi, who has been near-flattened by a boulder
that has fallen from out of nowhere.
Usagi: Gee, I wonder where that came from....
Mokona: Pu! ^_^
END OF PART 25
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Is Ami afraid of everything? Will Makoto ever get her to the head
office of the hospital? What will they find there? Who dropped the
boulder of Umi? Is Mokona really a God from Cephiro and capable of
railroading just about anything he likes, including plotlines? Does
DDFA really care if he does? For almost no answers to these
questions read the next enthralling chapter of "Waiting for Minako",
in Dolby Dolby Stereo Stereo. All All we we have have to to do do
is is make make sure sure everything everything is is lined lined up
up in in time time for for the the chapter chapter to to start
start. ^_^;; ^_^;;
Here is another cute little spamfic, posted to the FFML by A-kun
McCrillis <akun15@hotmail.com> that I thought I'd include with this
chapter for all to peruse. ^_^
Waiting on Minako
By TharzZzDunN
Mispelling by A-kun
Misproduction by ?????
Mishandling by the U.S. Post Office
Misinterpretation by Disney, Inc.
Stupid Monkeys by Disney, Inc.
====================================================================
Minako entered the resturaunt. She knew she should really be
heading to the park, but a quick meal wouldn't hurt. After all, she
didn't take very long to eat. Out of curiousity, she glanced at her
watch to see what day it was. Hmmm, Wednesday. Not her favorite
day of the week, but it was better than Monday.
"So, like, d'you wanna order or whut?" the waiter, named
TharzZzDunN, asked.
Minako thought about it.
Later...
"So, like, d'you wan' fries with that?" the waiter, named
Huh?, asked. TharzZzDunN had just died of boredom.
Minako thought about it.
Later....
"So, like, I think we're outta that..." the waiter, named A-
kun, told her. Huh? had died of boredom and was rotting away with
TharzZzDunN.
Minako thought about it more.
Much later.....
"I could check on that...." the waitress, named ?????, said.
A-kun had strangled himself to death with a strip of fly paper.
Minako thought about it some more.
Much MUCH later.......
"So, like are you gonna give a big tip?" the waitress, named
C-chan, asked. ????? had screamed and leapt out the nearest window,
which was two floors down, in the lobby.
Minako thought about it intensely.
MUCH MUCH MUCH later.............
"I wanna go home!!" the waitress, named A-chan, bawled. C-
chan had just gone on a rampage and had slaughtered half of the
lawyers in the world.
Minako thought about it with all her might.
Really freakin' late...........................
"Will that be all today, miss?" the waiter, named the Inverse
Layer, asked politely.
Minako thought about it some more.
And answered.
"Sure, what are today's Specials?" Minako asked.
The Inverse Layer looked at his watch to see what day it was.
Tuesday. It figured.
====================================================================
Apologies to DDFA, but TharzZzDunN couldn't get this idea out
of his demented head.
|><|
(@ _ @)
|
|
----+---- <--- Ugly .sig person by TharzZzDunN (typed by A-kun)
|
|
|
/ \
/ \
/ \
/ \
Minako says, "MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
CLUCK! KA-CHUNK!"
Waiting for Minako
by DDFA (Mark A Page)
Part Twentysix - The View
Warning: This chapter contains PLOT, which may be distressing to
regular WfM readers. So you are advised the wear your Snerg Glasses
and consume as many black jellybeans as possible before starting to
read.
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Scene: DDFA's house. Minako is sitting in the large, white armchair
in the loungeroom, watching television. DDFA is sitting in front of
his computer drumming his fingers against the armrest of his seat.
DDFA: I dunno.... It seems so out of character for you....
Minako: So? Writing out of character has never bothered you
before.
DDFA: That's true.
Minako: So what if I want to be the villain in a fic? I've
always wanted to play the bad guy.
DDFA: Yes, but the succubus bit is going just a little bit too
far, don't you think?
Minako: Hey, if you're going to be a villain, be a REAL villain.
DDFA shrugs as Minako starts flicking through channels with the
remote. She lets out a short cry, catching his attention.
DDFA: What? What is it?
Minako: It's Ami and Makoto.... They're on tv!
DDFA: What? Is it another repeat of DiCMoon?
Minako: No.... It's Waiting for Me.... I mean, Waiting for
Minako.
DDFA: Eeeeeh?
DDFA gets up from his seat and hurries over to Minako's side. On
the tv screen, Ami and Makoto are climbing the stairway that leads
to the top floor of the hospital.
Ami: My legs are tired.
Makoto: Do you have any more complaints in your repetoire?
Ami: Yes. I'm hungry. I'm thirsty. I'm bored. I've got
tennis elbow. My mother used to beat me up. I hate
those small, white packets that come in shoeboxes.
Voyager sucks. Hisakawa Aya is too old to play me. Why
call an armchair an armchair when arms don't need to sit
down....
Makoto: You can stop now.... Jeez....
Ami: Well, you did ask me.
Makoto: How much further to the top of these stairs?
Ami: I dunno. Why?
Makoto: Cos I'd like to throw you down them when we get there.
DDFA scratches his head.
DDFA: Damn.... So that is where my imagination got to.
Minako: You should be more careful where you put it. They might
have been able to see back through the tv screen and
spotted me.... That would bring this fanfic to a sudden
close.
DDFA: I bet there are a few who would like to see it killed
right now.
Minako: Yes, but that would only encourage you to release
"Sailor Losers" a lot sooner.
DDFA: True. True.
Minako: Where are they going, by the way?
DDFA: Who?
Minako points to the screen.
Minako: That pair.
DDFA: Oh, they're heading for the main office of the hospital,
where they shall have a fateful meeting.
Minako: You mean you've found a plot for this series?
DDFA: There always was a plot for this series. I just
kept.... misplacing it.
Minako: .....
DDFA: Shhhh.... They've reached the office.
On the screen, Ami and Makoto are standing outside the door of the
hospital's main office, puffing heavily as they try to catch their
breath. Makoto stands up and eyes the door, suspiciously.
Makoto: You know, this could all be a trap.
Ami: What.... you mean we climbed all those stairs for
nothing?
Makoto: No, sorry.... I always wanted to say that.
Ami: .....
Makoto: Well, should we barge right in, or should we knock
first?
Ami: Why ask me? I'm just the blue-haired genius.
Makoto: .....
Ami: Well, if we're going to do it....
Makoto rolls her eyes and places her hand on the doorknob.
Voice: Come in. You are expected.
They both look at each other in surprise.
Makoto: Well, should we?
Ami: Be my guest.
Makoto turns the doorknob and pushes the door open. The room inside
is dark, save for a single light that shines down the back wall.
Silhouetted against the light is a desk and a swivel chair, turned
away from them, its high back hiding the person sitting in it.
Voice: So, you have come this far. I am most impressed. Don't
be frightened.... I won't hurt you. Please come in.
The pair take a deep breath and step in to the office.
Voice: I take it you are no longer fooled by the false visions
you have experienced?
Makoto: Who are you? What do you want?
Voice: What do I want? To help you, of course. And in the
process you shall be helping me.
Ami: How? How are we going to help you?
Voice: I take it you have seen the Anime Character Replication
Device?
Makoto: What? That photocopier?
Voice: Yes, that.... photocopier.... It's a little more
complicated than that, but I suppose that is a good
analogy for the device.
Makoto: Why were you making copies of Ami?
The person chuckles.
Voice: Because there is a call for Sailormercuries.... Someone
has to supply the world with them, somehow. And that is
the problem.
The chair turns, but all Ami and Makoto can see is a small, shadowy
figure with a pair of glowing, red, squinting eyes.
Voice: I was placed in charge of this hospital by the Powers
That Be after the initial explosion of fanfics on the
web. Characters were duplicated by the thousands for
purposes unknown by a myriad of fanfic writers....
Makoto: You mean that dream I had.... about being nothing more
than an anime character, being used and abused by
others, was the truth?
Voice: I did my best to communicate this information to you, in
an effort to break the visions that had a hold on you.
Ami: So how does knowing this mean we can help you?
Voice: I was one of those copies made. But I was not perfect
enough.... I did not live up to the character that I
was created from, and so I must live out my life in this
place.... This hell.... But with your help, I can
succeed my original, and become part of the REAL anime
universe.
Makoto: How? How can we help you become.... real? And will
this help us get back to normality?
Voice: Oh, indeed it will.
The figure flicks a switch on top of the desk. Both Ami and Makoto
gasp as a light cascades from above, illuminating the figure sitting
in the chair. Watching this from her armchair, Minako also gasps.
She turns to DDFA.
Minako: It can't be....
DDFA: I'm afraid it is. The greatest force of darkness in the
anime world.
Minako: But that.... that's horrible....
Minako turns back to the screen, thereby failing to notice a couple
of dark figures who range up behind DDFA and grab him, placing a
cloth over his mouth. After a few moments of struggle, he falls
unconscious, and the pair drag him away.
Meanwhile, on the screen, Ami and Makoto stare at the mirror image
of.... MOKONA!!!
Mokona: So, now you see the true depth of the horror.
Makoto: You! But.... It CAN'T be....
Ami: You're not supposed to be able to talk.
Mokona: Ah yes.... I'm not supposed to be able to say anything
but "pu", ne? The first and most obvious fault in my
creation. Secondly, I am too practical and mature in
the usage of the powers given to me.... Unlike my...
"real" self.... I am not an annoying spawn of the
devil.
Before the Mokona clone can say anymore, both Makoto and Ami grab
him and hug him tightly.
Ami: Kawaii!
Makoto: I always wanted to squeeze you.
Mokona: Uhhhnnn.... Excuse me, ladies. Can we get back to the
matter at hand?
Ami: Ah, gomen.
Makoto: Sorry sorry.
They put the Mokona back in the seat, where he brushes himself down,
trying to regain his composure.
Mokona: Now, you can see my plight. I am immeasurably more
suitable to take up the role of Mokona. However, as
long as my irresponsible original exists, I will remain
in this worthless, second rate position.
Makoto: So what do you want us to do?
Mokona: I want you, as originals yourselves, to... DESTROY THE
ORIGINAL MOKONA!
There is a clash of dramatic music, as Minako jumps out of her seat.
Minako: Oi! That's just a bit much, Mister DDFA.... Ami and
Makoto destroy Mokona? Ridiculous.
She turns and looks around the room for the missing DDFA.
Minako: Hey, where have you gone?
END OF PART 26
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Will Ami and Makoto agree to destroy the original Mokona? Has DDFA
been kidnapped? Will Minako be able to rescue him? Does anyone
actually want her to rescue him? Is the whole clone idea a rip from
UID? Will all those black jellybeans give you the runs? For almost
no answers to these questions, read the next chapter of "Waiting for
Minako", the fic that brings new meaning to the term "PU!" ^_^
Waiting for Minako
by Aino Minako (In DDFA's absence)
Part Twentyseven - The Investigation
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>From the Journal of Minako Aino, Private Investigator....
"Right from the start, it was suspicious. I knew DDFA was
quite capable of doing strange things, but disappearing from his own
house, almost under my nose, was not one of them."
"It was then that I received the phone call...."
Scene: DDFA's kitchen. Minako, dressed in Sherlock Holmes outfit,
is pacing backwards and forwards, holding onto a pipe that is stuck
into the corner of her mouth. The phone rings and she stares at it
for a couple of seconds. She then answers it.
Minako: Mmmphh mmmmppphh....
She takes the pipe out of her mouth.
Minako: Hello?
Voice: Is that one Aino Minako, Private Investigator?
Minako: No, I'm Queen Elizabeth the Second.
Voice: Oh sorry, wrong number.
Minako: Cynicism is dead in your part of the world, isn't it?
Voice: .....
Minako: What do you want?
Voice: I am a member of the Anime Character Liberation Front.
Minako: Sounds painful.
Voice: Yeah, you should see what it's like on Tuesdays.
Minako: And so, for what reason do you call me?
Voice: We have kidnapped DDFA!
Minako: What? In January?
Voice: We demand that this fanfic be brought to a solid and
logical conclusion before the entire readership suffers
mass brain meltdown.
Minako: Is that your only demand?
Voice: No. We demand the release of the Beijing Five, the
Durban Six, the Edinburgh Four, Coventry two to
Liverpool nil, Arsenal three to Manchester United two,
Leeds nil to Blackburn one and Chelsea nil to West Ham
nil.
Minako: Would you like fries with that?
Voice: Not tonight, darling, I've got a headache.
Minako: How much time do we have?
Voice: The deadline is chapter thirty. Unless this fic has
been completed by then, DDFA is in for the chop!
Minako: What? No steak?
The phone hangs up. Minako stares at the receiver, then puts it
back on the phone.
Minako: Chapter thirty, eh? Looks like I'll have my work cut
down to size.
>From the Journal of Minako Aino, Private Investigator....
"Chapter Thirty. It was going to be next to impossible....
So many pointless plot threads. So many useless characters.
Whoever it was that had kidnapped DDFA, they had to have been pretty
pissed off over this fanfic...."
"Or maybe it was someone he pissed off over another one of his
fanfics.... Usagi is Dead, maybe, or Sailor Investigation Unit....
Whatever the case, being in control of this fanfic gave me an
immense rush of power, and I was less than enthused about having to
hurry to find him...."
Meanwhile, Ami and Makoto are standing in the far corner of the main
office of the hospital as the clone Mokona talks to someone on the
phone.
Mokona: Look, it's not MY fault they wanted to talk about the
timing of the birth of Jesus and all that crap.... It
could have been a hell of a lot worse. Justin Fraser
might still have been on the list.
Mokona winces as the person on the other end of the line starts to
shout at him.
Mokona: Yes, yes.... I know. Don't feed the troll. *Sigh*
Look, T, I can only produce so many characters for their
fics.... We're seriously short of Ranmas at the moment.
If they write too many more, then there is going to be a
shortage. They might even have to start sharing their
Ranmas around, which means no darkfics. I doubt you can
share around a Ranma that's been mutilated beyond the
point of recognition.
In the corner, Ami and Makoto start to whisper to each other.
Makoto: So, what are we going to do?
Ami: You mean his plan for us to kill the original Mokona?
Makoto: Do you trust him?
Ami: A Mokona that talks? No way.
Makoto: Pity he's so cute. I'm only JUST resisting the
temptation to squeeze him, again.
Ami: That's the problem. The original Mokona will appear
just as cute.
Makoto: Ah yes.... Can we resist the temptation to simply
squeeze the little bastard?
Ami: Can we even catch the little bastard? Ryuzaki Umi has
been trying for years. She hasn't succeeded yet.
Mokona has some strange power, one that lets him get
away from just about everything.
Makoto: But as he says, only originals like us have the power to
finish him off.
Ami: Sounds suspicious to me.... It's a good excuse for his
failiure to do the job. If he even had a fraction of
the original's dark power, he'd be able to scrag the
little bastard, no problem.
Makoto: Who is he talking to, anyway?
Ami: Don't ask.... It's a person of great influence and
power. If you're not careful, you'll become a banned
subject.
Makoto: .....
Mokona puts down the phone and sighs.
Mokona: They're all apologising for things they've done wrong,
too. It must be the age of Mea Culpa, or something.
Next thing you know, they'll be asking about Kaitou Ace
and lost webpages on the Neo SM List....
He looks up at the two girls.
Mokona: So, have the two of you decided whether you'll help me
or not?
Ami: We're.... thinking about it.
Makoto: What we'd really like to know is, what is in it for us?
Mokona: Ahh.... I thought you'd ask that, eventually....
Mokona turns as a screen descends from the ceiling at the back of
the room. Scenes from past chapters of "Waiting for Minako" flash
across this screen.
Mokona: As you can see, right from the start, this series has
made absolutely no sense, whatsoever. From the moment
the pair of you started waiting by the wall, to the
accident with the aircraft, your holiday in Hawaii, your
wanderings along the beach in Queensland.... Everything
has been the product of a warped mind.
Ami: That's all very well, but what has this to do with our
potential assassination of the original Mokona?
Mokona: From certain sources, I've been lead to believe that
DDFA, the so-called author of this mess, was not, in
fact, in control of himself whilst writing.... It is a
conspiracy between the original Mokona and someone else,
whose identity has not been revealed to me.
Outside DDFA's house, still dressed in her Sherlock Holmes outfit,
Minako sneezes and blinks, scratching her head.
>From the Journal of Minako Aino, Private Investigator....
"It was at that moment that I realised that someone was
talking about me, somewhere in the world.... My paranoia grew as I
started to follow the tracks that lead from DDFA's front door....
Mostly since the tracks had been painted in bright, fluorescent
green.... Someone obviously meant for me to follow them. This
either meant I was falling into a trap, or someone had purchased
fluorescent green paint in bulk..."
END OF PART 27
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Will Minako find DDFA and defeat his kidnappers? Will Ami and
Makoto believe the Mokona clone? Will Spiny Norman make a
reappearance? What have Haruka and Michiru done to fix the problems
with this fanfic? Is that a dead giveaway to future chapters? For
almost no answers to these questions, read the next chapter of
"Waiting for Minako". Proud winner of no fanfic awards and abuser
of innocent animals. ^_^
_________
/ @ \ Aino Minako (in DDFA's absence)
/ / ^ ^ \ \ darkdayforanime@hotmail.com
/</ w \>\ Manic-Depressive Sailorsenshi without a clue
\/ \/ Professional failiure in quotations
\___________/ Massive avoider of responsibility
/_/ \_\ PU And better looking than everyone else in the
damn series!
Makoto: What do you mean, better looking?
Minako: Settle down. It's just a sig....
Ami: You're crusin' for a bruisin', you blond bitch.
Minako: Ah, so, you have something against blonds, do you?
Makoto: *cracks knuckles* Don't change the subject.
Minako: *Ulp* ^_^;;