Waiting for Minako
by DDFA (Mark A Page)
Part Seventeen - The Dinner
--------------------------------------------------------------------
But before we start.... An award
DDFA's Lame Correspondence for the Month of November goes to....
"John C Gormley" <joregormley@email.msn.com>
"Why do you hate Sailor Moon"
Well, John, it's this complex I have.... My father used to nail me
to the kitchen wall, and I've never been able to recover....
Ahem... On with the show.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Scene: A restaurant in Hades. Usagi is sitting at a table, staring
around at the other patrons. She tunes into a conversation between
a couple sitting at the table next to her.
Woman: How do you prefer you fuzzy cute animals, darling?
Man: Well, when I eat my Pikachus, I like to have a thick,
electrified cheese sauce.... But with Ryo-oh-Kis, I
think a light gravy goes best.
Woman: And what about Roast Mokona?
Man: Well, since Mokonas are made, predominantly, of
marshmallow, I prefer to leave them for dessert. But
they do go well with fruit, usually as part of a
pavlova, garnished with a side serving of steamed Mikan.
Woman: A side serving of Mikan, eh? Interesting. I always
prefer to have my Mokona with a Hikaru.... They seem to
go so well, together.
Man: I prefer my Shidou Hikarus alone, usually hasslebacked
with pepper.
Woman: Hmm.... You're making my mouth water.... Redheads are
a particularly favourite dish of mine.
Man: Yes. Can you smell that mashed Onna-Ranma, coming from
the kitchen?
Woman: Oh, I detected the faint aroma of that most delightful
dish when I walked into the establishment.
Usagi turns as a waiter pushes a large trolley from the kitchen,
atop which lies a freshly cooked Ayanami Rei in a blueberry sauce.
She watches this gruesome sight wheel past her and over to a table
where a grim-looking man with a small beard and dark glasses is
sitting, hands linked across his mouth.
Waiter: Your Ayanami a la Japonaise, sir.
Gendou: Hmm.
Waiter: Would you like any LCL with that?
Gendou: Hmm.
Usagi goes extremely pale and starts to shake, uncontrollably.
Usagi: I've gotta ditch this afterworld, and soon.
Another waiter arrives at Usagi's tableside with a covered dish on
a platter. She looks up at him as he dramatically lifts the cover
off.
Waiter2: Your black jellybeans in soy sauce, ma'am. Bon appetit.
He places the bowl on the table and walks away, leaving Usagi to
stare disconsolately at her meal.
Usagi: Black jellybeans.... There is nothing in the world I
hate more than black jellybeans.
Jellybeans: Well excuse us for existing.
Usagi facefaults as the jellybeans stand up in her bowl.
Jellybeans: We have sacrificed a life's worth of happiness just to
be eaten by you. The very least you can do is show some
appreciation.
Usagi: Ano....
Jellybeans: And besides.... Just because we're aniseed jellybeans
doesn't give you the right to judge us by our colour,
you jellybeanist slime, you!
Usagi: Now listen here, I wasn't given any choice over what I
could eat in this stinking underworld....
Usagi looks around the restaurant at the other patrons, who are
eating various anime characters with relish.
Usagi: The alternative doesn't bear thinking about. Now sit
down and prepare to be digested.
Jellybeans: We oughta call in the jellybean union on this one....
Usagi: I said....
Jellybeans: Alright, already... Jeez, you're not the one who has to
lie down in this friggin' soy sauce.
The jellybeans disappear back into the dark sauce. Usagi closes her
eyes and summons up all the energy she can muster. She then picks
up a pair of chopsticks and opens her eyes, staring into the bowl.
Usagi: Death or Glory....
She dips the chopsticks into the sauce. A jellybean jumps out of
the sauce, giggling.
Jellybean: Missed me.
The jellybean disappears back into the sauce. Usagi stares into the
bowl with surprise, sweatdropping. She tries to pick up another
jellybean, this one also jumps out of her way.
Jellybean: Nyah nyah nyah.... Can't catch me!
Usagi is now as mad as hell. She whips the chopsticks through the
bowl, desperately trying to catch one of the jellybeans, which are
thrashing through the sauce like demented pirhana. After several
minutes of this, Usagi takes a breather, still empty handed.
Usagi: What the hell are these friggin' beans on?
Waiter: What can I say? They're full o' beans.
Usagi gives the waiter a murderous look as he walks past her table,
then stares into the bowl from close range.
Usagi: Alright, you bastards! You've forced me to use
desperate measures.
And with that, she plunges her face into the bowl. There is the
sound of screaming and thrashing, then all goes quiet as Usagi
raises her head, her cheeks bloated. With one gulp, she swallows
the lot.
Usagi: *Urrrrp* Shit, that tastes horrible!
A large spiny anteater suddenly appears at the window of the
restaurant, staring in at Usagi.
S.Norman: D I N S D A L E ! ! ! !
Usagi freaks.
Meanwhile, by the wall in Tokyo....
Haruka: *sniff* Can you smell something?
Michiru: Yes, there is a bit of a pong in the air.
Haruka: I wonder what it could be....
Michiru: Probably the sewerage treatment plant, again.
Haruka: But the sewerage treatment plant is on the other side of
town.
Michiru: It's the inversion layer, you see.
Haruka: .....
Michiru: .....
Haruka: What's an inversion layer?
Michiru: Hmm?
Haruka: What's an inversion layer?
Michiru: An inversion layer?
Haruka: Yes. What is it?
Michiru: You want to know what an inversion layer is?
Haruka: Yes. What is an inversion layer?
Michiru: Why do you want to know?
Haruka: Because you mentioned it.
Michiru: Did I?
Haruka: Yes, you did.
Michiru: When?
Haruka: Just a few moments ago.
Michiru: How very interesting.
Haruka: Well?
Michiru: .....
Haruka: Well?
Michiru: Well what?
Haruka: Are you going to tell me what it is?
Michiru: Tell you what is what?
Haruka: The inversion layer.
Michiru: What inversion layer?
Haruka: The one you were talking about.
Michiru: Why would I be talking about an inversion layer?
Haruka: Because of the pong.
Michiru: Yes, now that you mention it.... There is a bit of a
whiff in the air.
Haruka: You said it had something to do with an inversion layer.
Michiru: Did I?
Haruka: Yes.
Michiru: Well, it's true.
Haruka: What is?
Michiru: It does have something to do with the inversion layer.
Haruka: Well, what is it?
Michiru: Hmm?
Haruka: What is the inversion layer?
Michiru: The inversion layer?
Haruka: Yes! What is it?
Michiru: You want to know what an inversion layer is?
Haruka: Oh Kami, YES! YES, I want to know what an inversion
layer is.
Michiru: No need to shout.
Haruka: I AM NOT SHOUTING!
Michiru: Yes you are.
Haruka: NO I'M NOT! I'M NOT SHOUTING, DAMN YOU!
Michiru: Well, I'd hardly call that whispering, would you?
Haruka: WILL YOU JUST BLOODY WELL TELL ME WHAT A BLOODY
INVERSION LAYER IS BEFORE I LOSE MY COOL?
Michiru: Looks to me like you've already lost it.
Haruka breaks down and starts to cry.
Haruka: I only *sob* want to know *sob* what an inversion layer
is.... Please tell me.
Michiru: Well, come on....
Haruka: What?
Michiru: Say please.
Haruka: Please.
Michiru: Say pretty please.
Haruka: Pretty please.
Michiru: Pretty please.... what?
Haruka: .....
Michiru: .....
Haruka: .....
Michiru: .....
Haruka: Pretty please.... my great and powerful Queen and
Master.
Michiru giggles.
Michiru: Kami, I love these power games....
Haruka: Yes, my Queen.
Michiru: So, you want me to tell you what an inversion layer is,
do you?
Haruka: Yes, my Queen.
Michiru: Well, it's....
END OF PART 17
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Will Minako ever arrive? Does Minako even exist? Will Usagi
have indigestion? Will Haruka ever discover what an inversion
layer is? For no answers to these questions, stay tuned for the
next exciting chapter of the interminable saga of Ami and Makoto in
"Waiting for Minako". Just follow the links to the pong. ^_^
Michiru: Just kidding. ^_^
Haruka: .....
Michiru: .....
Haruka: AAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!
Waiting for Minako
by DDFA (Mark A Page)
Part Eighteen - The Dilemma
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Scene: A dim and distant plain, on some unknown and mysterious
vista. There is a cloud of dust on the horizon, and a figure can be
seen, running as quickly as she can. She is dressed in red pants
and a white shirt with a yellow strip running across her chest, with
a large cape flapping behind her. She has red-brown hair, and is
rather short. She comes to a sudden halt, looking from side to side
with much interest.
Lina: I'm sure I heard someone mention something about an
Inverse Layer....
Meanwhile, in a small house in Adelaide, Australia, at 6am, a large,
rotund figure is sitting in an equally large, brown tv chair, in
front of his computer, which is atop a large, wooden, light blue
painted table that had been built by his grandfather. The figure is
dressed in nothing more than a white shirt and underpants, having
failed, completely, to get any sleep due to something called SIU.
He briefly turns to the large Mokona plushie that is sitting on the
small table, next to the chair.
DDFA: What am I going to do, Mokona-chan.... How am I going
to get Usagi out of Hades, and Ami and Makoto back in
Tokyo, where they shall come face to face with the
terrible Zodin, and defeat her, aided by a small man who
travels in a blue police telephone box....
Mokona: .....
DDFA: .....
Mokona: .....
DDFA: .....
Mokona: .....
DDFA: .....
Mokona: .....
DDFA: .....
Mokona: .....
DDFA: Jesus, I must be tired.... Now I'm talking to stuffed
dolls....
DDFA stands and steps around the partition that divides the area
where his computer sits and the small, messy kitchenette,
resplendent with unwashed dishes, bits of paper, items of no value
and the occasional note stuck to the cupboards or the fridge. This
displays much of DDFA's state of mind as he ignores it all and makes
himself a cup of coffee. He returns to his computer with the
coffee, and saves WfM part 18 to see how big the file is, not
realising he has saved it under part 17, losing that part in the
process. After much ranting and raving, he retrieves part 17 from a
backup copy, and wonders why the computer didn't warn him about the
problem in the first place. he then saves part 18 under its own
name, and starts drinking the coffee. He then diverts himself from
the story to read through his mail, finding some interest in a list
of Rurouni Kenshin episodes, in the order of their release from
Hecto/Shin Sen Gumi, and wonders if they are EVER going to get it
right.
DDFA: Shitheels and Cocksmokers my foot. Can't get the timing
right, and the translation's up shit estuary without so
much as a raft.
He ponders.
DDFA: .....
He ponders some more.
DDFA: .....
He plays a round of golf, reads War and Peace, starts a new
conglomerate, becomes Prime Minister of Australia and retires on a
huge pension.
DDFA: Nah, that's just silly.
Suddenly, the spark of life enters the tender folds of his brain as
the coffee starts to take effect. Strange thoughts enter his mind,
and he starts to giggle in a strange and inane fashion, his fingers
hitting the keyboard with the manic glee of a piano maestro....
Meanwhile, on a beach in scary North Queensland, Mercury and Jupiter
have run into a slight problem in their efforts to find
civilisation, commonly called a river.
Jupiter: .....
Mercury: .....
Jupiter: Well, if this doesn't take the cake....
Mercury: Hmm.... it's very wide.
Jupiter: What are we going to do now?
Mercury: Swim across?
Jupiter: Swim? I can't swim across there.
Mercury: Why not?
Jupiter: I'll get wet.
Mercury: Well, of course you'll get wet. It's full of water.
That's why it is a river.
Jupiter: I don't like rivers.
Mercury: Why not?
Jupiter: Because they go a long way.
Mercury: .....
Jupiter: .....
Mercury: Would you like to explain that little piece of useless
information?
Jupiter: I mean, it goes a long way that way.
Jupiter points upstream.
Mercury: So?
Jupiter: That means all that water is pushing down that way.
Jupiter points to the ocean.
Mercury: Yes, so?
Jupiter: Just think. You've got all of that water trying to push
you into the sea as you're swimming across it.... And
the sea is deep, dark and scary, and full of sharks and
giant squids and all kinds of nasty things that want to
eat you for dinner.
Mercury: Don't worry. You'll only give them indigestion.
Jupiter: I will?
Mercury: Yes, you will.
Jupiter: That's alright, then.
Mercury facefaults.
Mercury: Oh, for heaven's sake....
Jupiter: Hold on a moment, can I test something?
Mercury: What?
Jupiter puts her hands on Mercury's shoulder and leans close.
Mercury looks at her, strangely, wondering what perverted thing she
has on her mind. Jupiter then lifts back her head and headbuts
Mercury. They both fall to the ground, holding their heads.
Mercury: Owwwww.... Ow ow ow ow ow.
Jupiter: Ack, ah, ouchie ouch atatatatata....
Mercury: What the hell did you do that for?
Jupiter: I wanted to see if this was all a dream.
Mercury: Oh for.... Look, you've already done the dream bit.
This is cold, hard reality.
Jupiter: No, this is Queensland. They're an anathema.
Mercury: Look, we have to get across this river. Unless we do,
we'll have to backtrack and find another way out of this
hell.
Jupiter: But that would mean.... Heading towards Townsville.
Cue dramatic strains of evil-sounding music.
Mercury: Did you hear that?
Jupiter: Yes. There is an orchestra on a raft, floating down the
river.
Mercury: Forget that.... You know what will happen if we walk
into Townsville....
Jupiter: They'll put on reruns of The Heights?
Mercury: Even worse. We might have fawning fans mob us, calling
us Amy and Lita, and they will tear off our fukus as
souvenirs and demand the S season be dubbed, complete
with a watered-down relationship between Haruka and
Michiru because it might give the kiddies bad ideas.
Jupiter: Kowai!
Mercury: Then the hentais shall molest us and commit unspeakable
acts upon our young, pert bodies, and shall sell us into
slavery.
Jupiter: .....
Mercury: .....
Jupiter: You sound as if you WANT it to happen.
Mercury: Everybody's got to have a dream.
Jupiter sighs and picks up Mercury, throwing her into the river.
Mercury: Oi! *Glub* What did you do that for? *Glub*
Jupiter: I thought it might help you cool down a little.
Mercury: But.... I can't swim.
Jupiter: What do you mean, you can't swim? You can swim as well
as Michiru. You can't fool me, you know.... I've seen
the episode where the pair of you face off....
Mercury: .....
Jupiter: .....
Mercury: They used a double for that scene.
Jupiter: .....
Mercury: .....
Jupiter: You're kidding me?
Mercury: .....
Jupiter: .....
Mercury: Yes.
Jupiter: .....
Mercury: .....
Jupiter: Why you little BITCH!
Mercury: Come on in, Jupiter. The water's fine. *teehee*
Jupiter: I'm in the right mind to just leave you there, you
know that?
Mercury: Oh come on.... It was just a little joke.
Jupiter: Joke? Joke? What do YOU know about joking?
Mercury: .....
Jupiter: .....
Mercury: Well, why don't you join me?
Jupiter: .....
Mercury: Don't tell me YOU can't swim?
Jupiter: .....
Mercury: .....
Jupiter: No, actually. I'd rather take the bridge, just over
there. Seeya on the other side.
END OF PART 18
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Will Minako ever arrive? Does Minako even exist? Does DDFA exist,
or is he a figment of the writer's imagination. Will Jupiter get
across the river before Mercury? Will Lina ever find the Inverse
Layer? For no answers to these questions, stay tuned for the next
exciting chapter of the interminable saga of Ami and Makoto in
"Waiting for Minako". The non-viable alternative to caffeine. ^_^
Waiting for Minako
by DDFA (Mark A Page)
Part Nineteen - The Strange
--------------------------------------------------------------------
The award for the silliest piece of correspondance for this chapter
of WfM, goes to....
EbonyMoons@aol.com
"you, sir, have no life...
Thank you,
The Mangement"
Is that "Mangement" as in mange?
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Scene: A restaurant in Hades. Usagi is sitting at her table,
looking green around the gills after consuming a bowl of black
jellybeans in soy sauce. Sitting opposite her is Mokona, a small,
white thing that vaguely resembles a rabbit. They are staring at
each other.
Usagi: .....
Mokona: .....
Usagi: .....
Mokona: .....
Usagi: .....
Mokona: .....
Usagi: .....
Mokona: .....
Usagi: .....
Mokona: .....
Usagi: .....
Mokona: .....
Usagi: .....
Mokona: Pu!
Usagi: Easy for you to say.
Meanwhile, in the gardens surrounding a large private hospital,
patients are wandering with dazed expressions, dressed in plain,
white hospital garb, and are either alone or accompanied by what
appear to be guardians or relatives. Near one of the hospital's
large open windows, Ami is sitting with the same dazed expression in
a soft and comfortable chair, covered with a large blanket. She
looks up into the sky as the sun appears from behind the clouds.
Ami: Sora....
Ami lifts a hand from underneath the blanket and reaches up for the
sky, but is momentarily disturbed by a young sorceress who happened
to be wandering by.
Lina: Excuse me.... You don't happen to know where I can find
this elusive "Inverse Layer", do you? I'd like to sock
the little hentai from arsehole to breakfast time.
Ami: .....
Lina: If you wouldn't mind.... I mean, I've been asking
around, but nobody here seems willing to say anything,
other than give me funny little hand gestures and tell
me that they'll be seeing me.... Is there some sort of
conspiracy going on, or what?
Ami: .....
Lina: I mean, honestly.... Just because I sound like
Hayashibara Megumi is no reason to roll your eyes and
walk away. It's not THAT nasal a tone, is it?
Ami: .....
Lina: I mean, what is it with this place? Everyone around
here have glassy, red eyes that remind me of that jerk,
Shabra.... something or other. Can't remember, now.
When you've busted the balls of as many villains I have,
they all start to look the same....
Ami: Sora....
Lina: Hmm? What's that you say?
Ami: Aoi sora.
Lina looks up at the sky, following Ami's example.
Lina: No shit, Sherlock.... I never noticed that before.
Lina shrugs, looking back down at Ami.
Lina: You wouldn't happen to know someplace where I can grab a
bite to eat? I'm starving.
Ami: Kitchen....
Lina: Ah good. Where?
Ami: Third door....
Lina waits for a long time as Ami's face twists, fighting to recount
the information she is seeking.
Lina: Yes.... third door.... You can say it....
Ami: On....
Lina: On? On what? On the roof? On TV?
Ami: On the....
Lina: Cathcart Towers Hotel? Come on, you can say it....
Ami: On the....
Lina: Knew I should have brought a packed lunch, today. Damn
that Naga.... Spent so much time trying to get away
from her....
Ami: On the....
At that point, three men, one wearing a dark suit, with light hair,
one wearing a brown tweed suit, with sideburns and glasses, and a
short, plump one with long dark hair, a beard, dressed in a white
shirt with vest and jeans, dance past, making strange physical
gestures and singing.
Men: Ooh ooh ooh, The Funky Gibbon....
Ami: On the....
Lina watches the three men as the disappear around the corner of the
hospital building, then turns back to Ami.
Lina: Must be Tuesday.
Ami: On the....
Lina: Yes, you've said that, before.
Ami: ....on the left.... Then.... straight ahead.... You
can't.... miss it....
Lina: Thanks. Oh, and I wouldn't bother looking up any more.
The sky doesn't change colour.
Lina flicks Ami's nose and wanders off. Ami doesn't seem to notice
and continues looking at the sky.
Ami: Sora....
The world starts to wobble and shake, and Ami dissipates into a
gratuitous flashback sequence. Mercury is in the river, being
washed out to sea. She is waving frantically at Jupiter, who is
crossing the river via a nondescript bridge. Jupiter stops when
she realises what is happening.
Mercury: Jupiter! Tasukete!
Jupiter: Mercury.... Don't tell me you really CAN'T swim.
Mercury: Not against the frigging current, I can't.
Jupiter: Don't worry.... I'll be there in a second.
With a dramatic double overhead triple pike, Jupiter dives into the
raging waters of the river. Mercury waits for about thirty seconds,
but Jupiter has not risen.
Mercury: Oh great.... The dumb bitch has drowned herself.
Jupiter: Mercury!
Mercury turns to her left. She can see Jupiter, splashing
ineffectually on the other side of the river.
Mercury: What the hell did you do that for? Now we'll both
drown!
Jupiter: Well what would you rather I do? Use my powers?
Mercury: It might have been more intelligent.
Jupiter: And what was I likely to do, using my powers, other
than electrocute you?
Mercury: .....
Jupiter: Precisely.
Mercury: You could have discovered an amazing new power that we
astoundingly seem to do at moments of crisis.
Jupiter: You're kidding me, right?
Mercury: Well we have to do something.... We're getting washed
in different directions....
Jupiter: Try and swim towards me.... I'll do the same.
Mercury: Okay.
The pair start to paddle through the wash, towards each other.
Suddenly, the water between them explodes, and a giant robot rises
from the waters between them.
Voice: GEKIGANGER 3!
Jupiter: What the fu....
Voice: GEKIGAN PUNCH!
The robot's fist rockets from the arm, thumping Jupiter into the
middle distance, then returns. The robot turns towards Mercury.
Voice: GEKIGAN FLARE!
A beam of energy strikes Mercury, blowing her out to sea with a cry.
The robot poses to the strains of maniacal laughter. We return to
Ami, sitting in the chair.
Ami: Sora.
Nurse: Ms Mizuno....
Ami: .....
Nurse: You have a visitor, Ms Mizuno.
Ami turns to the nurse, who is standing next to her.
Ami: Mi... nako?
Nurse: No.... It's a Ms Kino.
The nurse gestures behind her, where Ami can see Makoto standing,
wearing a long dress, jacket and shades. She is staring around,
nervously.
Nurse: I'll leave you two together, then.
The nurse walks away, and Makoto sidles up to Ami.
Makoto: I have the place cased out.... I don't know what is
going on around here, but I'm pretty sure this isn't a
hospital.
Ami: .....
Makoto: What are you staring at?
Ami: .....
Makoto: Oh, fer chrissakes, you aren't sick, now snap out of it.
Ami: Sora....
Makoto: And don't give me the cheesy Evangelion lines. I'm not
in the mood.
Ami: Who....
Makoto: What is that?
Ami: Who are.... you?
Makoto: You don't remember, Number Six?
Ami: .....
Makoto: .....
Ami: .....
Makoto: .....
Ami: .....
Makoto: I meant Ami. Sorry.
Ami: Who.... is Ami?
Makoto: .....
Ami: .....
Makoto: Damn! Another fake. Will I ever find the REAL Ami.
Makoto wanders off. Ami watches her and notices that all the other
patients look exactly like her.
Ami: Must.... be Tuesday.
END OF PART 19
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Will Minako ever arrive? Does Minako even exist? Is Ami the real
Ami, or is she a figment of Ami's imagination? Is it really
Tuesday? Is Makoto dreaming? Is Makoto for real? Is Mokona really
sitting on the other side of the table from Usagi? For no answers
to these questions, read the next chapter of "Waiting for Minako".
Who will put da fishy on da little dishy who will put da fishy when
da boat comes in..... ^_^
I received this from Christian A Rogers on the 25th of November. I
thought it was cute, so I include it for the perusal of all. ^_^
Back in Queensland, on the beach.
Mercury: .....
Jupiter: .....
Mercury: .....
Jupiter: .....
Mercury: .....
Jupiter: .....
Suddenly, the sea monster Dagahra jumps out of the ocean and
swallows both of them in one gulp.
Jupiter: Oh well... guess we won't have to keep waiting for....
who were we waiting for again?
Mercury: I forget.
Jupiter: .....
Mercury: .....
Jupiter: .....
Mercury: .....
Jupiter: .....
Mercury: .....
Jupiter: This stomach acid is hot.
Mercury: Well, since it's meant to digest us, it should be.
Jupiter: .....
Mercury: .....
Jupiter: .....
Mercury: .....
Jupiter: .....
Mercury: .....
Jupiter: .....
Mercury: .....
Jupiter: .....
Mercury: .....
Jupiter: .....
Mercury: .....
Dagahra: *BUUUUUUUURRRRRRP!*
THE END
___________
Seriously though, this is one of the funniest (and pointless) things
I've read in a LONG time. Keep up the great work.
The Flashman
(Usaginite. Not a Moonie.)
Loyal G-Fan
Deciple of Keener-sensei
"Do it Lodi!"
www.geocities.com/Tokyo/Dojo/3105/
May The Spirit Preserve You!
Waiting for Minako
by DDFA (Mark A Page)
Part Twenty - The Photocopier
--------------------------------------------------------------------
^_^ ^_^ ^_^ ^_^ ^_^ ^_^ ^_^ ^_^ ^_^ ^_^ ^_^ ^_^ ^_^ ^_^ ^_^ ^_^ ^_^
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Scene: A restaurant in Hades. Usagi and Mokona are sitting hunched,
playing chess. Usagi has nothing more than her King sitting
helpless in the corner of the board, whilst Mokona's pieces surround
it, ready to strike.
Usagi: .....
Mokona: .....
Usagi: .....
Mokona: .....
Usagi: .....
Mokona: .....
Usagi: .....
Mokona: .....
Usagi: .....
Mokona: .....
Usagi: .....
Mokona: .....
Usagi: .....
Mokona: Pu!
Usagi: Shh! You'll break my concentration.
Mokona: .....
Usagi: .....
Mokona: .....
Usagi: .....
Mokona: .....
Usagi: .....
Usagi moves the King to another square.
Usagi: Check and mate, I think.
Mokona looks at Usagi, dubiously.
Usagi: What? Have you got a complaint to make?
Mokona takes out a 38 special and blows Usagi's King away.
Mokona: Pu!
Usagi: Why you little.... Of course, you know, this means WAR!
Mokona: PU!
Usagi and Mokona glare at each other, making little growling noises,
for several moments. Then Mokona kisses Usagi and runs like heck.
Usagi stares at the retreating lump of white dough as her face goes
bright red. The arrow that had been embedded in her head snaps in
half and pops out, both sides, like a cork, followed by a gush of
blood. From out of nowhere, Usagi lifts a large wooden mallet.
Usagi: Your ass is mine, you little bastige. It'll be bunny
pancakes on the menu, tonight.
Usagi immediately goes in pursuit of her quarry.
Meanwhile, elsewhere in this dimension, Makoto, wearing dark glasses
and a trenchcoat, peers into a dark room.
Makoto: *sniff* Been a while since they cleaned this place.
Makoto steps into the room, switching on the light, revealing a
collection of Amis', sitting in chairs around the walls. Makoto
jumps in surprise, then relaxes when she realises they are all
staring into space with the same dazed expression as every other Ami
in the bizarre private hospital.
Makoto: What is this? A mass-production plant, or something?
Makoto creeps through the room, watching the Amis warily, towards a
door on the other side, where she can hear mechanical whirring
noises. She places a hand on the doorknob.
Ami 1: I wouldn't go in there if I were you.
Makoto jumps and spins, staring at the Ami who had spoken.
Makoto: What.... What did you...
Ami 1: I said, I wouldn't go in there if I were you.
Ami 2: It could be very bad.
Makoto swallows as all the Amis' turn to her, staring like zombies.
Ami 2: Very, very bad.
Ami 3: Our original went in there.
Ami 1: She never came out.
Ami 2: Then we appeared.
Ami 4: Appeared in this world.
Ami 3: From out of nowhere.
Ami 1: Maybe from out of that room.
Ami 2: It wouldn't be nice if the same were to happen to you.
Ami 3: The same WOULD happen to you.
Ami 5: Because SHE wills it to.
Makoto: What are you talking about?
Ami 1: She who wills everything to be.
Ami 5: She's very dangerous.
Ami 4: She could change your reality, and take your life.
Ami 6: And even that wouldn't be the end of you.
Ami 2: Look at us. Look at us all.
Ami 7: We continue to suffer eternal torment.
Ami 3: Can there be any greater hell than to feel life's pain
more than once, at the same time?
Ami 4: We are being driven mad by the pains.
Ami 1: Our minds, slowly going to pieces.
Ami 7: Beware her, for she wants you.
Makoto: Who are you talking about? Who is "she"?
Ami 8: Who were you waiting for?
Ami 1: Waiting for when your odyssey began?
Ami 7: She who you never saw.
Ami 5: She who you might never see.
Ami 3: She who may not even exist.
Ami 2: in which case, do we exist?
Makoto: Minako? Are you trying to tell me that Minako is behind
all of this?
Ami 9: Does she have a name? She who does not exist....
Ami 2: Behold, even now, she watches you.
The 2nd Ami points to the ceiling, and Makoto looks up. There, she
sees a pair of eyes. For a moment, they seem familiar, like
Minako's eyes, but they vanish in an instant.
Ami 1: Tis shame.
Ami 3: Is there to be no final confrontation?
Ami 9: Are we all to be left in suspense, waiting.
Ami 8: Waiting for Minako.
Ami 6: Forever and ever.
Ami 2: Without a final payoff?
Ami 1: The bills get bigger every year. The costs of living
never seem to go down.
Makoto facefaults.
Makoto: Ano ne....
Before she can continue, the Amis eyes' go glassy again, and the
door starts to rattle. Makoto turns to the door, and sees that it
is quivering. Then there is a clicking noise, and the quivering
stops. Makoto steps back just in time for the door to fly open.
Inside, she can see Ami, sitting dazedly on top of a photocopier,
which is scanning her at high speed. With each scan, from out of
a chute on the side, new Amis are popping out, landing on a mattress
in front of a conveyor belt. As they stand, they step up onto the
conveyor belt and are carried through a hatchway at the far end of
the room.
Makoto steps into the room.
Makoto: Ami? Are you alright?
Ami turns and looks at her, dazedly.
Makoto: You are the REAL Ami, aren't you?
Ami: You.... were expecting.... someone else?
Makoto: Oh, thank Kami.... What the hell is going on here?
Ami: I'm.... not sure. I seem to remember.... being blown
out of a river by an energy beam, then I was here, with
all of these copies being made of me.
Makoto: Why didn't you get off the machine and investigate your
surroundings?
Ami: I tried.... But....
Ami turns aside, pointing to a small pile of mutated things, sitting
in the corner of the room.
Makoto: What the hell are they?
Ami: I'm not sure, but when I got off this machine, they
started popping out, instead of copies of me. They're
all dead.... I think.... They had no mouth to breath
with. They suffocated to death.
Makoto: Good grief.
Makoto steps up to the side of the machine, looking over it.
Ami: You won't find a switch to turn it off. I looked, but
couldn't find one.
Makoto: Damn. Well, it looks like we'll have to resort to the
old method of shutting off machinery.
Ami: Like?
Makoto grips an electrical cord and gives it a tug. Instantly, the
machine grinds to a halt. She holds up an electric plug,
triumphantly.
Makoto: When in doubt, pull the cord out.
Ami: .....
Makoto: .....
Ami: Exactly the kind of response I've come to expect from a
rampant technophobe like you.
Makoto: Well, it worked, didn't it?
Ami: .....
Makoto: .....
Ami: That's not the point....
Just then, a giant hedgehog rises from behind the photocopier,
causing the pair to wet themselves.
S.N.: D I N S D A L E !
END OF PART 20
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Will Minako ever arrive? Does Minako even exist? Is Ami the real
Ami, or is she a figment of Ami's imagination? Was the photocopier
really making copies of her? Did Makoto really pull out the cord?
Does Mokona pack a 38 special? Will we ever discover which Time
Lady of Gallifrey Setsuna REALLY is? Does she have something to do
with the junking of so many of Doctor Who's black and white
episodes? For no answers to these questions, and more, please read
the next exciting, enthralling and overpromoted chapter of "Waiting
for Minako". In glorious black and white script. Black and white
always lends it that certain "image", don't you think? ^_^
Waiting for Minako
by DDFA (Mark A Page)
Part Twentyone - The Plot
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Scene: The Hikawa shrine. The Sailorsenshi gather with grim
expressions, drying tears on their faces.
Moon: It looks like this will be our last fight.
Jupiter: Yes. But just remember what Luna and Artemis told
us - There Can Be Only One.
They stare at each other for several minutes. A wind blows some
leaves between them. Then suddenly, they burst out laughing.
Mars: Ah, I couldn't be bothered.
Mercury: You are right. This is all bullshit.
Jupiter: Anyone for a pint at the local? I'm thirsty.
Moon: I'm in for that.
Venus: What about the cats? What shall we do with them?
Jupiter: Screw them. Dumb cats. Leave us to do all the hard
work, then dump THIS on us.
Venus: Hmmm.... So it's alright if I leave Artemis at the
bottom of the river?
Moon: What? You dumped your cat down there, too?
Venus: Well, I couldn't think of anything else....
Mercury: By the way, Venus, shouldn't you be missing?
Venus: Damn.... Forgot about that.
Venus sneaks away, watched by the others.
Mercury: And you, Sailormoon, you should be dead, in Hades,
chasing Mokona with a mallet.
Moon: Aww.... I really wanna drink.
Mars: Let her.... This fic is hard work for us.
Jupiter: YOU can talk. You've barely appeared in it.
Mars: Hey, I've got a scene coming up.
Jupiter: A scene. A scene. Listen, girl, I've been in this thing
from the start. Don't you talk to me about "scenes".
Mercury: Alright, alright.... That's enough.... Does anyone know
where the local establishment is?
Scene: Ami and Makoto, in a darkish room, in the middle of a strange
private hospital. Ami is dressed in a skimpy swimsuit, covered over
by a jacket, and Makoto is wearing a large trenchcoat, hiding what
she is wearing underneath, and a pair of shades. She is also
holding onto the power cord of the photocopier that Ami is sitting
on.
Just then, a giant hedgehog rises from behind the photocopier,
causing the pair to wet themselves.
S.N.: D I N S D A L E !
Ami: Straight ahead, then the door on your left.
Makoto: He's been looking for you.... So please go see him.
Hayaku!
They wave the hedgehog away, who disappears quickly. Watching him
leave, they breathe a sigh of relief.
Ami: Evil thing. Frightened me before.
Makoto: Hmm? When?
Ami: Mmm?
Makoto: When?
Ami: Before.
Makoto: WHEN before?
Ami: .....
Makoto: Don't tell me you can't remember....
Ami: .....
Makoto: .....
Ami: I can't remember.
Makoto: I said not to tell me.
Meanwhile, in Tokyo, Rei and Chibiusa have grabbed hold of Mamoru's
arms, and are using him in a tug of war.
Rei: Mine!
Chibiusa: Mine!
Rei: Mine!
Chibiusa: Mine!
Rei: Mine!
Chibiusa: Mine!
Rei: Mine!
Chibiusa: Mine!
Rei: Mine!
Chibiusa: Mine!
Rei: Mine!
Chibiusa: Mine!
Just then, Mamoru tears in half. Rei and Chibiusa stare at the
woolen stuffing that comes flying out of their respective halves
with surprise.
Rei: He's not real.
Chibiusa: It's a rag doll....
Rei: Where has the real Mamoru gone. With Usagi dead, I've
never had a better opportunity....
Chibiusa: What do you mean, YOU've never had a better opportunity?
Rei: .....
Chibiusa: .....
Rei: He's your old man.
Chibiusa: So?
Rei: And you're too young for that sort of thing.
Chibiusa; So?
Rei: .....
Chibiusa: .....
Rei: You're one twisted little girl, you know that?
Chibiusa: Why not? I'm the most hated person since Wesley
Crusher.
Rei: True.
Chibiusa: Gotta live the life, you know.
Behind a brick wall, overlooking this scene, Mamoru is in hiding,
Haruka and Michiru with him.
Mamoru: I knew something like this would happen. Why did Usako
have to die?
Michiru: Don't worry, Chiba-san. I'll look after you....
Mamoru swallows as Michiru takes his hand and starts nuzzling
against it. She is immediately bapped over the head by Haruka.
Michiru: What was THAT for?
Haruka: You KNOW what that was for.
Michiru: Haruka, you have forced me to punish you.
Haruka: Uh oh....
Meanwhile, back at the hospital....
Ami: My memory appears to have flown the coup.
Makoto: Oh, come on.... You must remember how you got here.
Ami: I was blown here by a Gekigan Beam.
Makoto: No, not that.
Ami: Well, it WAS how I got HERE.
Makoto: I'm talking about all of this. How did this start?
Ami: We were on a beach in Queensland.
Makoto: No.... We weren't on a beach in Queensland.
Ami: Yes we were.
Makoto: I KNOW we were.... But we shouldn't have been.
Ami: But we were, and you can't refute the fact.
Makoto: I'm not refuting the fact.
Ami: You said we shouldn't have been on a beach in
Queensland.
Makoto: That's because we shouldn't have been.
Ami: But we were.
Makoto: Think back further than that.
Ami: How far back?
Makoto: Not that far back.
Ami: Back to when Usagi and Mamoru broke up for the
seventeenth time this month?
Makoto: No, not that far back.
Ami: How far back, then?
Makoto: Back to what we were doing before we ended up on the
beach in Queensland.
Ami: We were on holiday.
Makoto: On holiday WHERE?
Ami: .....
Makoto: .....
Ami: Hawaii?
Makoto: Bingo.
Ami: What were we doing there?
Makoto: We were on holiday.
Ami: Yes, but what were we on holiday from?
Makoto: We were waiting.
Ami: For what?
Makoto: We were waiting for someone.
Ami: For who?
Makoto: For WHOM.... For WHOM.... You're supposed to be the
genius in languages.
Ami: Makes me wonder why you knew the true pronunciation,
then.
Makoto: I've been hanging around you for too long.
Ami: Yes, indeed. Something had to rub off. I became more
stupid, thanks to you.
Makoto: Are you calling me stupid?
Ami: Yes.
Makoto: Well, that's alright, then. But it still doesn't answer
the question....
Ami: Whom we were waiting for?
Makoto: Of course.
Ami: We both know who it was.
Makoto: I KNOW we know who it is.
Ami: Minako, of course.
There is a soft, echoing, high-pitched giggle, and the pair stare
around, looking for the source.
Makoto: I think.... she might be the cause of all this.
Ami: Are you trying to tell me that Minako is the cause of
all this.
Another giggle.
Makoto: It has occured to me, yes.
Ami: But HOW? I mean, she can't even work her way through a
half-decent quotation, let alone organise this kind of
charade.
Makoto: Perhaps that's what she WANTED us to think.
Ami: Are you trying to tell me that Minako is a villain?
Makoto: She always was.
Ami: In what way?
Makoto: Her ditziness was a crime against humanity. Nobody
should be allowed to be as stupid as she was, and live.
Ami: Look, just because she doesn't have a high enough
intelligence quotient to be considered a sentient form
of life does not mean she shouldn't have a right to
live. I mean, there are plenty of lifeforms more stupid
than she is.
Makoto: Like what?
Ami: Moss comes to mind. Lichen.... Fungi....
Makoto: Mushrooms AND puffballs?
Ami: Of course.
Makoto: What about slime mold?
Ami: Of, especially slime mold. In fact, I think she's
descended from a lower-class form of slime mold.
Makoto: Oh no.... Poor slime.
Ami: Makes me wanna throw up, just thinking about it.
Makoto: How could we have ever befriended such a monster?
Ami: Well, she walked up one day and said "hi, I'm
Sailorvenus. Mind if I join you"....
Makoto: And we agreed....
Ami: Yes.
Makoto: Damn! I wonder if they're casting for Brain Powerd,
yet. I want outta this place....
Ami: Can't.
Makoto: Why not?
Ami: You don't have a three inch waistline.
Makoto: Bugger.
Meanwhile, in Hades, Usagi is in hot pursuit of the Almighty Bunny-
Thing of Doom.
Usagi: MATTE!
Mokona: Pu! ^_^
As Mokona approaches a street corner, Ryuzaki Umi appears, also
holding a large mallet.
Umi: So, Mokona.... You thought you could get away from me
by hiding in Hades, did you?
Mokona: Pu! O_O
Mokona comes to a screeching halt as Usagi and Umi come charging in
from both directions....
END OF PART 21
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Will Mokona be served up as pancakes? Will Mamoru escape the tender
ministrations of Rei and Chibiusa? How will Michiru punish Haruka?
Is Minako behind any of this? Shall Ami and Makoto discover the
truth behind their odyssey? For the answers to these questions
(just possibly) read the next dropping.... I mean installment of
"Waiting for Minako". This is NOT a drill, I repeat, this is NOT a
drill.... This is pseudoreality.... in the off season.
_________
/ @ \ DDFA (The Right Dishonourable Mark A Page)
/ / ^ ^ \ \ ayanami@merlin.net.au
/</ w \>\ Chief Propoganda Officer, Keeper of
\/ \/ the Tapes and Co-Founder of the Saitou-chan
\___________/ Appreciation Society - Adelaide Japanese
/_/ \_\ PU Animation Society