On Tue, 19 Jan 1999, Mark Page wrote:
Date: Tue, 19 Jan 1999 11:24:30 +1000
From: Mark Page <ayanami@merlin.net.au>
To: ffml@fanfic.com
Subject: [FFML] [FF] [SM] Waiting for Minako 27
Waiting for Minako
by Aino Minako (In DDFA's absence)
Part Twentyseven - The Investigation
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>From the Journal of Minako Aino, Private Investigator....
"Right from the start, it was suspicious. I knew DDFA was
quite capable of doing strange things, but disappearing from his own
house, almost under my nose, was not one of them."
I wouldn't be so sure about that...
"It was then that I received the phone call...."
Scene: DDFA's kitchen. Minako, dressed in Sherlock Holmes outfit,
is pacing backwards and forwards, holding onto a pipe that is stuck
into the corner of her mouth. The phone rings and she stares at it
for a couple of seconds. She then answers it.
Minako: Mmmphh mmmmppphh....
She takes the pipe out of her mouth.
(Andrew face-faults.)
Minako: Hello?
Voice: Is that one Aino Minako, Private Investigator?
Minako: No, I'm Queen Elizabeth the Second.
Voice: Oh sorry, wrong number.
"We are NOT amused!"
"Is Prince Albert in a Can? Well open him up, you dolt!"
I'm surprised those lines haven't been said...
Minako: Cynicism is dead in your part of the world, isn't it?
Voice: .....
Let me guess...you're Saddam Hussein, right?
Minako: What do you want?
Voice: I am a member of the Anime Character Liberation Front.
Minako: Sounds painful.
Voice: Yeah, you should see what it's like on Tuesdays.
The World was created on a Tuesday...not very many people knows that.
Minako: And so, for what reason do you call me?
Voice: We have kidnapped DDFA!
Minako: What? In January?
Voice: Well, it was the only convenient time on both of our schedules...
Voice: We demand that this fanfic be brought to a solid and
logical conclusion before the entire readership suffers
mass brain meltdown.
Uh, too late.
Minako: Is that your only demand?
Voice: No. We demand the release of the Beijing Five, the
Durban Six, the Edinburgh Four, Coventry two to
Liverpool nil, Arsenal three to Manchester United two,
Leeds nil to Blackburn one and Chelsea nil to West Ham
nil.
That would still give Chelsea the two point lead in the standings...
Nil...I like saying nil.
Minako: Would you like fries with that?
Sadly, I can see Minako working at a local McD's.
Voice: Not tonight, darling, I've got a headache.
Minako: How much time do we have?
Voice: The deadline is chapter thirty. Unless this fic has
been completed by then, DDFA is in for the chop!
Good, I'd like to see a little action.
Minako: What? No steak?
The phone hangs up. Minako stares at the receiver, then puts it
back on the phone.
Minako: Chapter thirty, eh? Looks like I'll have my work cut
down to size.
>From the Journal of Minako Aino, Private Investigator....
"Chapter Thirty. It was going to be next to impossible....
So many pointless plot threads. So many useless characters.
And that's just from the Sailors alone. ^_^
Whoever it was that had kidnapped DDFA, they had to have been pretty
pissed off over this fanfic...."
"Or maybe it was someone he pissed off over another one of his
fanfics.... Usagi is Dead, maybe, or Sailor Investigation Unit....
Whatever the case, being in control of this fanfic gave me an
immense rush of power, and I was less than enthused about having to
hurry to find him...."
Maybe it was Luna. Cats are very picky, to say the least.
Meanwhile, Ami and Makoto are standing in the far corner of the main
office of the hospital as the clone Mokona talks to someone on the
phone.
Mokona: Look, it's not MY fault they wanted to talk about the
timing of the birth of Jesus and all that crap.... It
could have been a hell of a lot worse. Justin Fraser
might still have been on the list.
Gee, this Mokona sounds a lot like the host of this mailing list.
Mokona winces as the person on the other end of the line starts to
shout at him.
Mokona: Yes, yes.... I know. Don't feed the troll. *Sigh*
Look, T, I can only produce so many characters for their
fics.... We're seriously short of Ranmas at the moment.
If they write too many more, then there is going to be a
shortage. They might even have to start sharing their
Ranmas around, which means no darkfics. I doubt you can
share around a Ranma that's been mutilated beyond the
point of recognition.
"We're all out of license plates named Bort! And Ranma!"
Hum, I wonder is cabbits are in short supply as well...
In the corner, Ami and Makoto start to whisper to each other.
Makoto: So, what are we going to do?
How about run away?
Ami: You mean his plan for us to kill the original Mokona?
Makoto: Do you trust him?
Ami: A Mokona that talks? No way.
He needs wings.
Makoto: Pity he's so cute. I'm only JUST resisting the
temptation to squeeze him, again.
Ami: That's the problem. The original Mokona will appear
just as cute.
Geeze, I wish that was MY only problem...
Makoto: Ah yes.... Can we resist the temptation to simply
squeeze the little bastard?
Ami: Can we even catch the little bastard? Ryuzaki Umi has
been trying for years. She hasn't succeeded yet.
Mokona has some strange power, one that lets him get
away from just about everything.
It's a combination of kawaiiness plus just darn luck.
Makoto: But as he says, only originals like us have the power to
finish him off.
Ami: Sounds suspicious to me.... It's a good excuse for his
failiure to do the job. If he even had a fraction of
the original's dark power, he'd be able to scrag the
little bastard, no problem.
Makoto: Who is he talking to, anyway?
Ami: Don't ask.... It's a person of great influence and
power. If you're not careful, you'll become a banned
subject.
Too late.
Makoto: .....
Mokona puts down the phone and sighs.
Mokona: They're all apologising for things they've done wrong,
too. It must be the age of Mea Culpa, or something.
Next thing you know, they'll be asking about Kaitou Ace
and lost webpages on the Neo SM List....
I hope THAT doesn't come up.
He looks up at the two girls.
Mokona: Well, how come you aren't squeezing me like a package of Charmin
toliet rolls?
Mokona: So, have the two of you decided whether you'll help me
or not?
Ami: We're.... thinking about it.
"I'mmmmm, reviewing...the situation..."
Makoto: What we'd really like to know is, what is in it for us?
Mokona: Ahh.... I thought you'd ask that, eventually....
Mokona turns as a screen descends from the ceiling at the back of
the room. Scenes from past chapters of "Waiting for Minako" flash
across this screen.
Whoa, dude, talk about havin' a bad trip!
Mokona: As you can see, right from the start, this series has
made absolutely no sense, whatsoever. From the moment
the pair of you started waiting by the wall, to the
accident with the aircraft, your holiday in Hawaii, your
wanderings along the beach in Queensland.... Everything
has been the product of a warped mind.
And that's just the first chapter.
Ami: That's all very well, but what has this to do with our
potential assassination of the original Mokona?
Mokona-evil: I should be the only cute thingy in existance! Pu!
Mokona: From certain sources, I've been lead to believe that
DDFA, the so-called author of this mess, was not, in
fact, in control of himself whilst writing.... It is a
conspiracy between the original Mokona and someone else,
whose identity has not been revealed to me.
I smell a cabbit and an electronic pokemon behind this...
Outside DDFA's house, still dressed in her Sherlock Holmes outfit,
Minako sneezes and blinks, scratching her head.
Yo, Sherlock Minako! Get a clue! Or two!
>From the Journal of Minako Aino, Private Investigator....
"It was at that moment that I realised that someone was
talking about me, somewhere in the world.... My paranoia grew as I
started to follow the tracks that lead from DDFA's front door....
Mostly since the tracks had been painted in bright, fluorescent
green.... Someone obviously meant for me to follow them. This
either meant I was falling into a trap, or someone had purchased
fluorescent green paint in bulk..."
Falling in a trap? Hasn't this entire series one big psychedlic trap?
END OF PART 27
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Will Minako find DDFA and defeat his kidnappers? Will Ami and
Makoto believe the Mokona clone? Will Spiny Norman make a
reappearance? What have Haruka and Michiru done to fix the problems
with this fanfic? Is that a dead giveaway to future chapters? For
almost no answers to these questions, read the next chapter of
"Waiting for Minako". Proud winner of no fanfic awards and abuser
of innocent animals. ^_^
Who's Spiny Norman? Will we ever hear Mokona say "Pu!" ever again?
_________
/ @ \ Aino Minako (in DDFA's absence)
/ / ^ ^ \ \ darkdayforanime@hotmail.com
/</ w \>\ Manic-Depressive Sailorsenshi without a clue
\/ \/ Professional failiure in quotations
\___________/ Massive avoider of responsibility
/_/ \_\ PU And better looking than everyone else in the
damn series!
Makoto: What do you mean, better looking?
Minako: Settle down. It's just a sig....
Ami: You're crusin' for a bruisin', you blond bitch.
Minako: Ah, so, you have something against blonds, do you?
Makoto: *cracks knuckles* Don't change the subject.
Minako: *Ulp* ^_^;;
Now there's a fight I'd like to see on Pay-per-view.
For a series that makes Seinfield look like it is talking about
something, I like it...and that disturbs me.