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The Journey : An Anime Romp
by Angus MacSpon

Chapter One

Based on characters and situations created by Rumiko Takahashi and
Jules Verne.
Comments and criticism welcome!
Email:  macspon@ihug.co.nz
Web:    http://shell.ihug.co.nz/~macspon/fanfic/

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"Ahh, who cares about a bunch of mouldy old books?" said Ranma,
wrinkling his nose.

"Ranma!  Those books belonged to my grandfather!" said Akane, her eyes
flashing and her fist clenching.  At least it wasn't the other way
around.

"Try to show a little respect, Saotome," suggested Nabiki coolly.

"Oh, my," said Kasumi, rather pointlessly.

"But -- but -- ah, the heck with it," Ranma muttered.  He couldn't see
what all the fuss was about.  The books weren't even in Japanese.
Tendo-ojiisan had been something of a traveller, apparently.

Ignoring the byplay, Soun and Genma continued to rummage through the
dusty old box that Kasumi had found in the attic while spring-cleaning.
(Actually it had come of something of a surprise to Ranma to learn that
the house _had_ an attic; he could have sworn it didn't.  He supposed it
was just one of those things.)

"Amazing!" exclaimed Soun, inspecting a massive tome.  "He must have
travelled to every country in the world."

"I think you're right, Tendo," said Genma, blowing the dust off another
volume and trying to read the title.  "Hmm ... 'First Folio' ... I
wonder what that means?"

"And this, Saotome!"  Tendo opened another book and read aloud.  "'The
Divine Comedy, part four: Madame Sin's House of Pleasure, by Dante
Alighieri' ... oh, it's all in Italian.  Pity."

"This one's all in hieroglyphics," announced Genma.  "Oh, and there's a
library card stuck inside.  'Library of Alexandria' ... whatever that
means."  He tossed the card aside.

"'The R'lyeh Text,'" read Soun.  "Hmm, that's an unusual illustration."

Ranma sighed, and picked up one of the books idly.  "Geez, will you look
at all these hen-tracks?" he said, flipping through the pages.  "Whoever
wrote this must have been out of his mind."

"Ranma!" shouted Akane, snatching the book from him.  "What did I tell
you!"

"Ah, calm down, ya kawaiikune tomboy --"

He was cut off as the book came down, hard, on his head.  It was a
massive old tome, leather-bound, and it packed quite a wallop.  "Oh,
look," he burbled.  "The stars are out early tonight ..."

He stopped suddenly, looking at the book once more.  "Geez, Akane,
you've broken it."

"What?"  Akane stared down at it.  "Oh no!"  The spine, already brittle
with age, had snapped down its entire length.

"That is just so typical of you --"

"Oh, my, what's this?" said Kasumi, examining the book.  She pulled
something out of the broken spine.

"An old manuscript," said Genma excitedly, snatching it from her.
"Hidden for all these years! It might be valuable, Tendo."

Nabiki looked up quickly.  "Allow me," she purred, snatching the
document from his hands.  She scanned through it quickly. "These are old
Icelandic runes," she announced.  "Wait a moment, and I'll translate
them."

"You will?" said Akane, surprised.  "I didn't know you could read
Icelandic, Nabiki."

"Oh ... er ... there was an elective class at school, it looked more
interesting than Home Ec," said Nabiki, rather unconvincingly.

She fetched a pen and paper and began to write quickly.  "It's in some
kind of code," she said after a few moments.  "Wait a moment ... yes,
yes, a fairly simple cipher.  Oh, and you have to read backwards.  How
cute.  Well, that was easy enough.  Here."  She held up the paper. Soun
made to take it and she cleared her throat significantly.  Grumbling, he
paid her and took the sheet.

"Fascinating," said Genma, reading over his shoulder.

"Waah!  My daughter is so clever!  And extortionate!" wailed Soun.

"Oh, for heaven's sake," said Akane, snatching the paper from him.  She
read aloud:

		In Sneffels Yoculis craterem kem delibat umbra
		Scartaris Julii intra calendas descende, audas
		viator, et Tartari abyssus attinges.  Kod feci.
		Arne Saknussemm.

"Well, what's that supposed to mean?" demanded Ranma.

"It's ... Latin, isn't it?" said Akane hesitantly.

"Oh, please," sighed Nabiki.  She took the paper back and read:

		Descend into the crater of Sneffels Yokul, over
		which the shadow of Scartaris falls before the
		kalends of July, bold traveller, and you will
		reach the centre of the earth.  I have done
		this.  Arne Saknussemm.

"It's just like in that old SF book, for heaven's sake," she finished.

"This has got to be some kind of joke," said Ranma.

"You'd better hope so," said Nabiki, smiling.

"Huh?  Why?"  Nabiki pointed over his shoulder.  He turned, to see Soun
and Genma poring over the paper.  They had an atlas open on a map of
Iceland.  "Oh, no," he began.

"The centre of the earth!" declaimed Soun.  "The wonder of it!  The
glory!  The adventure!"

"Think of the training opportunities!" added Genma.  "I'll bring the boy
along, of course ..."

"Are you both crazy?" burst out Akane.

"Training opportunities?  What're you talking about, oyaji?" demanded
Ranma.  "What kind of training opportunities can there possibly be at
the centre of the earth?  Martial Arts Drowning In Boiling Lava?
Martial Arts Being Crushed By Billions Of Tons Of Pressure?"

"There, you see, Tendo?" said Genma excitedly.  "He's getting into the
spirit of it already!"

"What --?"

"But you can't just walk to the centre of the earth!" protested Akane.
"It's impossible!"

"Nonsense," said Soun.  "It says you can, right here."  He waved the
paper for proof.

"Maybe you'll end up in Pellucidar," suggested Kasumi helpfully, a
placid smile on her face.

"Huh?"  They all stared at her.

"Never mind, it's just the Valium talking," said Soun.  "Come on,
Saotome, we have to pack for the journey."

"Come on, boy!"  Genma grabbed Ranma by the arm and yanked him up the
stairs.  "Think of it as an educational experience."

"Oh, yeah," groaned Ranma.  "You're going to educate me to death, if it
kills you!"

			---===***===---

They left the house the next morning, laden with gear.  (Genma was also
laden with Ranma, bound and gagged.)  They were still excitedly
discussing the possibilities.  Fame and fortune were sure to follow.

Akane trudged grouchily behind. This whole thing was totally insane, but
she was damned if she was going to let them go without her. Besides, she
thought, a long trip did have its good points.  At the very least she
wouldn't have to see the Kunos for a while.  Or Shampoo, or Happosai, or
any of the other crazies in the neighbourhood.  She decided to look on
it as a holiday.

An old woman, splashing the pavement with water for some inane reason,
managed to catch Ranma as they went past, turning him female, to his
obvious fury.  This cheered Akane up even further.

			---===***===---

<Hmm,> said Shampoo in Chinese as the quartet marched past the
Nekohanten.  <Now where husband going this time?  And violent girl looks
happy?  Aiyah!  Perhaps they planning wedding!  Shampoo must follow!>

Cologne watched her sadly.  The poor girl even spoke broken Chinese.
Dropped on the head once too often as a baby, she suspected.

<I suppose I'd better follow along, to keep her out of trouble,> she
sighed, and hopped after Shampoo on her staff.  It was bumpy going; the
springs needed replacing again.

			---===***===---

"Now, where are they headed?" murmured Ukyo, watching the Saotomes and
Tendos go past, surreptitiously followed by Shampoo and Cologne.

"I don't like the look of it," she decided, picking up her battle
spatula.  "I'd better see what they're up to."  She joined the queue
threading its way through the Nerima streets.

			---===***===---

Alerted by Sasuke, the Kuno siblings rushed to the window to watch as
the band went past.  Setting out on some kind of extended trip,
apparently.

"I don't see Ranma-sama," breathed Kodachi.  "Perhaps -- but no!  There,
a pigtail sticking out of the fat old fool's bundle!  I must follow!
OHOHOHOHOHO!"  She leaped out of the window, somehow managing to shed
most of her clothes on the way, and bounded after them, clad only in a
leotard.

Tatewaki watched her go, then smiled.  What a fool his sister was!  That
pigtail had been red, not black.  Still, no matter.  He was alone at
last, free to contemplate his extensive collection of photos of Tendo
Akane and the Pig-Tailed girl.

The echo of his sister's laughter came back to him, and he frowned in
thought.  He wondered whether ...

He tried it.  "OHOHOHOHOHOHOHO!"

Not bad, actually.  Strangely satisfying, even.  Perhaps ... but no;
he'd look ridiculous in a leotard.  He turned, ignoring Sasuke's shocked
expression, and started towards his Contemplation Studio.

Suddenly he froze.  [That pigtail ... was red?]

"Akane!  Pig-tailed girl!" he shouted, drawing his bokken and dashing
outside to follow the group.

			---===***===---

"Ah, here we are at last," announced Soun as he strode into the airport.
"We'll soon be on our way, eh Saotome?"

There was no reply.  "Saotome?" he said again.  His old friend was
staring at something.  He turned to see what -- and froze.  Their
expedition seemed to have gotten ... larger.

"Um, hi," said Ukyo, Shampoo, Cologne, Kodachi, Tatewaki, Mousse,
Happosai, Gosunkugi, Hiroshi, Daisuke, Sayuri, Yuka and Miss Hinako
sheepishly.

			---===***===---

"DAMMIT!" Ryoga shouted, looking around from the summit of the mountain
he was standing on.  The terrain looked ... sort of Scandinavian.
"WHERE AM I NOW?"

			---===***===---

Back at the Tendo Dojo, Kasumi picked up the sheet with Nabiki's
transliteration into Latin and read through it quickly.  "Oh, my," she
said.  "Nabiki, you didn't translate this right.  It doesn't say 'centre
of the earth' at all."

"It doesn't?"  Nabiki took the sheet and scanned it again.  "Well,
well, so it doesn't," she said.  "Oh, well, I guess they'll find
out.  What's for dinner?"


To be continued ... maybe.


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Author's Note:
Oh, all right.  If you don't know any Latin (shame on you) ... the
document doesn't say "terrestre centrum attinges" ("you shall reach the
centre of the earth") -- it says "Tartari abyssus attinges" ("you shall
reach the abyss of Hell").  Oh, my...

Regarding Nabiki's comment, "Oh, and you have to read backwards.  How
cute" -- in Jules Verne's 'Journey to the Centre of the Earth', it took
them _days_ to figure that part out.  Go figure.


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Angus MacSpon                                                Allen Gainsford
http://shell.ihug.co.nz/~macspon/          http://shell.ihug.co.nz/~macspon/