The lost self-insertists.

	All series are owned by their respective companies. 
	Bill and Dan are not real people, this is a parody you jerks. I would never
act like these morons. Well, Dan is based on a real person but we won't
mention who because he'll kill me if I do. Besides, he isn't smart enough to
figure it out if I don't tell him.

	It was the middle of the night in a small suburb just outside Tokyo. The
streets were silent and deserted, a light rain fell that could only be seen by
looking through the light created by the street lights that dot the road.
However, on this night the silence was disturbed. In the center of the street
a flash of light appeared and two figures emerged out of a hole in the fabric
of dimensions.
	One of them brushed off his red Chinese style silk shirt and ran a hand
through his short brown hair. He is about five-seven and obviously American,
he was also dressed like Ranma Saotome. He turned to the other boy who emerged
with him and frowned.
	"Christ, Damn it Dan, its raining!" he muttered to his companion in a slowly
changing voice as he shifted from male to female. He shrank a little with his
hair turning from it's dark brown hue into a much lighter chestnut brown. His
chest grew outward into two large firm breast. She teetered on her toes for a
moment before regaining her balance. "Shit! These things are heavy!" she
exclaimed as she examined the new mammaries closely by peering down her shirt.
	The other boy pulled out a bamboo umbrella and smiled at his friend. He
scratched idly at the black and red bandanna that sat across his forehead
holding back his medium length black hair. He was slightly taller than the
girl next to him was when she was male, he also was dressed like Ryoga Hibiki
with a red shirt instead of a yellow one. 
	"Cool, it worked! Anyway, it's not like I can control the weather with this
thing too," said the boy as he looked at a small gold chain that wrapped
around his wrist with an unusual locket attached to it that rested in his
palm. He walked into a puddle and jumped up and down splashing in every
direction. He smiled as he looked down to discover that he was now female as
well, still slightly taller than the other girl, with red hair. "Kick ass,"
she said laughing as she fell face first onto the ground from the weight of
her chest.
	"Begin checklist," said the girl dressed like Ranma.
	Dan smiled and pulled out a sheet of paper. "All right Bill, Super fast
martial arts abilities?" she announced reading off the first item.
	Bill did a series of kicks and punches as fast and as hard as she could and
smiled at the results. "Check," she replied.
	"Good, Super anime jumping abilities?" said Dan as she checked off the second
item, poking a hole through the wet paper in the process.
	Bill jumped straight up and rose twenty feet into the air casually, she
landed easily and her grin widened to almost unbelievable proportions.
	"Check, How about 'Hammerspace' abilities?" said Dan without even looking up.
	Bill pulled out a large mallet and slammed it down on Dan's head as hard as
she could. The poor girl was twitching on the ground holding half a pencil,
she also had a huge lump poking through her hair. 
	"Check," said Dan weakly as she placed another hole through the paper with
the pencil half. She recovered almost instantly and stood with the list held
out at arms length. "Super attractive in both male and female forms?" 
	"Check!" they both said in unison. Dan was flexing her scrawny muscles as she
checked the list off with another tear.
	"Ki abilities and special attacks?" announced Dan loudly.
	Bill smiled and formed a ball of Ki in her hands easily. "Check," she said as
she sent it into a house and blew away the living room. Luckily the families
were sleeping and they were all in their bedrooms.
	Neither of the travelers seemed to care one way or the other. 
	"Impervious to damage?" said Dan as she checked the final item off.
	Bill simply decked her friend and sent her sprawling across the grass. 
	Dan got up shakily and smiled. "Check," she said after a moment of rubbing
her jaw.
	"Wussy." snorted Bill.
	"Shut up," muttered the girl as she returned the punch she had received
earlier. 
	Within moments the pair were locked in combat. A slowly growing crowd
appeared around them, the angry residents of the neighborhood had emerged from
their homes, some of them were armed.
	"Maybe we should start for the dojo." muttered Bill as she stopped and
noticed the crowd that was forming.
	"Good idea," replied the other girl. The both of them ran off into the night
followed by the mob.

	About a half hour later the pair emerged from some bushes in a park looking
beaten and tired. 
	"Did we lose them?" said Dan as she gasped for breath.
	"Yea," was the winded reply.
	"Boy I can't wait until we get there," said Dan as she plopped down on the
grass.
	"Yea, I wonder how long it'll take me to seduce Akane?" said Bill with a
stupid grin.
	"First rule, since we are co-authoring this self-insertion; No lemon scenes
while I'm in the room. I won't barge in on yours if you don't barge in on
mine," said Dan with a sagely look about her.
	"What? I hate to tell you this but...you're a babe right now. I'm getting a
nosebleed just lookin at you." Said Bill with a small amount of drool coming
out of her mouth.
	"Dude! Sick! I'm a guy, besides, I didn't come here to sleep with -you- perv.
Shampoo-chan awaits me!" said Dan as she shoved Bill away with a disgusted
look on her face. "I don't see what you see in that violent psycho anyway."
	"What the hell do you two think your doing here?" said a new and angry
sounding female voice.
	Dan and Bill turned to see a tall girl dressed in a sailor fuku glaring at
them. "I-its Sailor Pluto!" cried Bill in shock.
	"What? Sailor who?" said Dan in confusion as she glared at the girls legs
obsessively.
	"What is it with you self-insertists authors anyway? Get out of my
dimension," said the Sailor senshi.
	"Your dimension? How can that be? Were supposed to be in..." said Dan in
looking completely lost.
	"Where did you get your magical item? A magic store? An ancient cavern under
your house? How about up your ass?" said Pluto sarcastically as she grabbed
Bill by her collar in a rough hold.
	"Actually we got it from a prize grabbing machine at Walmart," said Dan
looking at her blankly.
	"Y-yea, it had a Genie in it. It gave us three wishes, we used one of them to
make the locket magical. You know, so we could go to Ranma 1/2," stammered
Bill as she tried to look down the angry senshi's blouse. Her own breast kept
getting in the way.	"Since this is a self insertion...maybe I can turn it into
a lem-" 
	"Don't even -THINK- it," growled Pluto before the girl finished her thought.
	Bill froze and said nothing.
	"Good girl, now I'm only gonna say this once," said Pluto as she tossed the
hapless Bill into a nearby tree.
	"You two are gonna take that locket and turn tail out of my dimension got it?
I'm sick and tired of cleaning up all the messes you morons make just because
you think you can solve everyone's problems in a few pages, or you can't
control your libido because you got some crush on a magical girl. Your getting
out of here and destroying that thing...Is that clear? I don't care where you
go just keep out of this dimension or you'll regret it," said Pluto as she
stood glaring at the pair who cowered before her.
	"Look we're really sorry about your problems with other authors...but we
didn't want to be here in the first place. We were supposed to go to Ranma
1/2, I don't know how we ended up in Sailor Moon," said Dan as calmly as she
could. "This -is- Sailor Moon isn't it?" 
	Bill nodded vigorously as the look of fear never left her face.
	"Ranma? That's over two hundred dimensions over! How the hell did you manage
that?" said the Senshi in shock as the look of menace drained away somewhat.
	"We're really sorry about this, could you give us directions maybe?" asked
Dan sheepishly.

	A few minutes later a bright gateway opened between the dimensions in limbo.
Screaming could be heard and two figures dove through followed by what
appeared to be flames.
	"AAAAAAHHHHH! Damn it Bill! Why the hell did you feel her up if you knew she
could do that?!" screamed Dan in anger.
	"I'm sorry, I've always wanted to do that," was the reply.
	"You nearly got us killed!" roared Dan as she smacked the girl across her
head; she hit her own breast in the process and froze as pain ran down her
spine. "Ow!!!"
	"Hey, I'm sick of being a girl," said Bill looking strained as she tried to
push her torso up with her arms and failed miserably.
	"Yea? Well, we have to live with it until we find some hot water remember?"
said Dan as she rubbed her breast gingerly. She froze as she realized just
-how- soothing she found it and stopped. "Man, I could get used to this," she
muttered blushing. "I am starting to see why you watch that show though," she
said to her friend as she gazed at where the porthole used to be and sighed.
	"Yea, huh huh," said Bill dumbly.
	
	
	Ataru Moroboshi staggered through the halls of Tombuki High school. "Stupid
Lum." he muttered as he staggered towards the clinic. He realized that he
would be turned away on sight, but it would still be fun to see Sakura again.
He brightened up considerably when he thought of the 'big breasted goddess'
that was Nurse Sakura. 
	"Ah, Ataru-kun! How I've always longed for you! I was just afraid of that
horrible Lum! Come to me now!" she would say to him. 
	Well, he wanted her to say that anyway. Deep in his thoughts he failed to
notice the two very well built women appear out of nowhere in front of him. He
walked face first into the chest of one of them.
	
	"Hey Dan, I think you have a pervert stuck in your chest," said Bill with a
smile.
	Dan was busy looking surprised as Ataru Moroboshi looked up at her dumbly. He
was still fantasizing about the nurse and had a dumb zoned out look about him;
he was also drooling a bit. "Ewwww." muttered Dan reflexively as she staggered
back out of the boy's reach.
	
	Ataru was a little surprised to say the least when he discovered he had just
planted his face in the chest of the most beautiful red headed, gray eyed babe
he had ever seen. The second shock came when he didn't care.
	"Hi! How's it goin'?" he chimed cheerfully. His mind raced desperately for an
explanation, "What's wrong, why didn't I ask for her number? Her friends cute
too, what the hell is wrong with me?" 
	"Hey! I know you! Your that Moro...Moro...Moro-something kid!" said Dan
nervously. She was feeling very self conscious at the moment. 
	"Moroboshi, Moroboshi Ataru," said the boy looking annoyed.
	Bill and Dan smiled broadly. "Hey, at least we got the right author this
time!" said Bill.
	"Uh hi, I'm Dan and this is Bill," said Dan holding her hand out.
	Ataru looked at the hand in confusion and did nothing. "Cross dressers! No
wonder I didn't care," he said in relief.
	"Uh, not exactly Ataru," said Bill.

	"So your some of those 'Fanfic writers'?" said Ataru to the now male
travelers. They had made a stop in the restroom and nearly been killed when
they changed back to men inside the ladies room, the fact that Ataru was with
them didn't help matters.
	"Yea, we kind of got a defective dimensional transporter or something," said
Dan sheepishly.
	"I think your just acting like your dressed," snorted Bill as he brushed
Dan's red 'Ryoga' clothes.
	"Shut up!" said Dan.
	"Yea, we get guys like you around here sometimes. No one really cares though
cause they usually just fit right in here, that and the fact that we don't get
that many," said Ataru calmly.
	"You wouldn't happen to know the way to Ranma 1/2 would you?" said Bill
hopefully.
	"I'm afraid not, Cherry might be able to help, but I doubt it. He's more
likely to pretend he knows and screw you guys even more," said Ataru looking
thoughtful.
	"Cherry?! He couldn't find his ass with both hands and a flashlight! We'd end
up in 'La blue girl' before we ended up in 'Ranma 1/2'!" said Dan looking
angry.
	"Like your doing any better," muttered Bill.
	Ataru perked up immediately. "Take me with you," he said suddenly.
	"What?" said the pair dumbly.
	"Take me with you! I can help you find Ranma," said Ataru with glazed over
eyes as he thought about his favorite anime sex goddesses. 
	"I don't see why not," said Dan with a shrug.
	"Because he's the biggest lecher in the universe that's why. If we take him
it'll cause all kinds of trouble," said Bill looking annoyed. "Let's bring
him," he agreed after a moment with a wicked smile.
	

	Priss watched the doorway close finally. She sneered at where the boy had
once been as she placed her panties back on. "That's the tenth one today
dammit. I've never been this sore in my life," she muttered bitterly. She lit
a cigarette and fell back onto the bed to hopefully fall asleep. Her eyes went
wide as another doorway opened. She sat bolt upright as three people stepped
through the gateway into her room. "That's it! I can't take this anymore!" she
screamed as she reached beside her bed.

	"Now where are we?" asked Dan looking incredibly 'IC.' Bill looked confused
and Ataru was looking across the room with a big stupid grin. Dan turned to
see a half naked woman sitting on the bed staring at them in shock. She
screamed something and reached down beside her bed to grab a very -big- gun. 
	"Eat this you perverted fanboy psychos!" screamed Priss as she opened fire on
the boys. Two of them dove for cover behind her dresser. The third jumped
straight for her. She blasted him out of the air and grinned as the bullets
kept him suspended for a moment in the air. He fell to the ground with a thud.
She felt arms wrap around her waist from beside her and she growled angrily.

	Dan and Bill looked at each other in fear as a log wearing Ataru's coat fell
to the floor riddled with bullets. "Oh shit! Ataru are you trying to get us
killed?!" screamed Dan as he looked over the side of the dresser carefully to
see Ataru locked in an embrace with the angry Priss. She was trying to pry him
off with the butt of the gun.
	"Let go you pervert I'll kill you all!" screamed the woman a little unstably.
	"Priss are you all right?" said a woman with short dark hair who stormed into
the room with a worried look on her face. She stopped when she saw Ataru and
the two boy's cowering behind the dresser. "Not again," she muttered.
	"All right you three come on, Priss put the gun down," she announced finally.

	"Look Sylia, I'm sorry about this but...we aren't even supposed to be here,"
said Dan as they all sat around a table drinking coffee.
	"Works been slow since slow since the series ended. We get allot of you self-
insertists here, unfortunately, Priss is a popular target for what you call
'Lemons'. Poor Mackie and I are pretty popular too, but we can handle it,
Priss is...different." They all looked over at the woman and she just glared
at them and ground her teeth together. Everyone, including Ataru, backed away
from her. "Occasionally she snaps like you saw earlier," said Sylia calmly as
she sipped her drink. "Usually we can stop her if we get there in time.
Sometimes not."

	The three boys gulped in unison while looking at the angry Priss nervously.
She growled and her coffee cup cracked.
	"Look I'm sorry about the commotion, but were trying to get to Ranma 1/2. Do
you know how to get there or someone who might?" asked Dan with a sigh.
	"Ranma? No, I'm afraid not. Last we knew about him he blew himself up with
some super computer in an alternate universe," said Priss looking visibly
calmer, but still angry.
	"Great, Thanks for the coffee," said Bill as he stood with Dan and Ataru. The
three of them walked into the porthole and vanished leaving the two women
alone with their drinks.
	"They were nice kids," said Sylia as she lifted a news paper and sipped at
her coffee.
	"Little perverts," grumbled Priss as she downed half of hers and added a
little 'Jack Daniels' to fill it back up.


	Yohko Mano stood against the wall of the gym during boy's basketball practice
and drooled obsessively. 
	"Yohko, look at that," said Chi from her place next to Yohko. She wasn't
really boy watching but she still could make a profit from selling photos of
the cute guys to her fellow students, namely Yohko. She was referring to the
three boys who had appeared out of nowhere. 
	Yohko turned and looked at them dumbly. She, of course, fell instantly in
love. "Wow, what a babe," she stammered as she looked at the tall American
boys. Dan in particular.
	"Where on earths are we now?" said Dan as he got into the roll of lost boy.
"This is fun, Who cares if we find Ranma," he thought to himself.
	Ataru's 'Babe-dar.' [Patent pending] kicked in immediately. "Chicks!" he
cried and ran off.
	Bill was about to give chase when a scream was heard from around the corner
he disappeared around. The pair ran over to see that Ataru had tackled a
familiar looking girl and her friend. Bill recognized her immediately.
"Yohko!" he gasped.
	"Lets run away together baby!" said Ataru as he nuzzled Yohko in the chest.
She beat on his head and shrieked. Dan pulled him off her gently and set him
on the ground. "Behave yourself for a minute will ya?" he said to him.
	"Screw you guys I'm going babe hunting," said the boy as he ran off.
	"We'll find him later. Let's talk with Miss Yohko for a minute," said Dan
oblivious to the stares she was giving him.
	"You saved me!" she sighed.
	Bill just looked at her and frowned. "I think she's sick," he said.
	"You got that right, love sick," said Chigako as she looked at the new comers
appraisingly.
	"Great," muttered Dan as he realized that he was the object of her
affections. "We'd better collect Ataru and haul out of here," he said to Bill.
	"Yea, we know what happens to -her- boyfriends," muttered Bill as he started
to walk off.
	"Hold it right there," said Chi with a sour glare at them.
	
	Ataru strolled through the halls whistling a tune to himself as he walked.
Occasionally he would pass another student or a janitor or something but the
halls were pretty much deserted at the moment because of class.
	"Hey! Why aren't you in class!" cried a voice from behind him? He turned to
see a teacher sticking her head out of her room and glaring at him angrily.
"Do you have a hall pass?"
	His first thought was, "Busted," the second was, of course, "That teacher is
a babe." He never noticed the smoke coming from the room or the fact that all
the female students appeared to be sleeping.

	It was almost half an hour when Dan and Bill finally were able to leave the
gym area. They were followed by Yohko and Chi who watched them carefully. 
	Chi thought it would be a good idea to follow them because they might be
demons. Yohko was just following Dan.
	"Look at the bright side, at least Yohko likes you," said Bill.
	"Bill, this is Yohko were talking about here. She'd fall in love with a tree
if it had a penis," said Dan quietly.
	"She's as bad as Usagi." muttered Bill in agreement.
	"You know I don't watch that so I don't have any idea that Sailor Moon falls
in love again almost every episode. I'll kill that child molesting Tuxedo
Kamen! The bastard HOW DARE HE STEAL YOUNG USAGI"S PURITY THAT WAY?!!"
	"Yea! I only watch it because my little sister watches it and I can't change
the channel, even though I own three TV's!" said Bill in, sort of, agreement.
	"Your sister is eight months old," said Dan looking annoyed.
	"Well, we have to raise our children right don't we?" said Bill sagely.
	"Quite right," agreed Dan.
	
	That was when the scream came. It was an inhuman voice that sent pure terror
down the spines of all that heard it.
	"Yaaaahhh! Get it away!" cried the huge demon as it tore down the hall. It
was wearing a skirt that was hiked up around its waist and a blouse that was
hanging from the back of the dress. A pair of panties sat around it's ankle
and a bra was hanging from it's wrist. It looked like it had been interrupted
while undressing, but the clothes clearly wouldn't fit it.
	Ataru was giving chase with his arms wide spread. He skipped after the thing
leaving a drool trail after him. "Wait! You can change back into the babe
right?" he cried. "Strip tease me again baby!"
	
	Dan and his group got a glimpse of the class room and saw that the male
students appeared drained and the female students just appeared knocked out.
Bill managed to grab Ataru by his feet and was dragged several hundred feet
before the both of them fell down a pair of stairs after the screaming demon. 
	"T-titties." stuttered Ataru with wide eyes as he lay dazed on the ground.
	"A succubus." muttered Dan as he finally caught up with them with Yohko and
Chi following close behind him.
	"What?" said Chi.
	"A demon that feeds off sexual energy. It takes the form of a woman and
arouses men to drain them, often by having intercourse. They are confused with
vampires allot. I did a report on them in the eighth grade. Got a 'B.'" said
Dan proudly.
	"And when a sexual demon meets the worlds most lecherous boy, it isn't
pretty," said Bill from the ground as he began to recover.
	"Well, it was nice meeting you but we have to go now...before I get possessed
or killed," said Dan.
	"Yea, that would suck...I guess," muttered Bill sounding unsure. 	"From the
way she's looking at me it wouldn't take long." said Dan as he opened the
porthole again. Ataru struggled for a moment in Bills arms before allowing
himself to be drug into the porthole.
	"These guys are better than Lum! I'm meeting more babes than she ever
introduced me to and -they- don't mind when I chase them! This is great!" he
thought as the porthole closed and he got his last fleeting glimpse of the two
girls. 
	

	This is the end of the first Part. There should be another part already
posted if your reading this. I almost called it "Those who hunt Ataru," like
"Those who hunt Elves."  But I didn't, I don't know why.
	Sailor Moon, Bubble gum crisis, Devil hunter Yohko, Urusai Yatsura and Ranma
1/2 are all property of their respective owners...boy that sounds redundant.